35
votes
How are you different than you were last week?
Doesn't have to be literally "last week", but what's a recent personal change for you?
Why?
Was it a conscious decision, a slow realization, a response to something, etc.?
Tell us all about it.
I finished my first sort of dating cycle ever at 35. We went on a couple dates, coffee and a movie, and we sorta didn't work out. I texted her with normal stuff, she delayed and hit me a couple days later with "Hey, it's been great, but I'm looking for something else."
It hurt a little, but I also went in knowing first time I'm 1) Not going to be my best on my first ever date at 35, and 2) the whole point of dating is finding someone and sussing them out. Dating is a filter and "the one" is the one who gets through. She was great, but it was sorta mutual, no negativity.
I feel confident in a way I didn't before. I was open about who I was, we vibed for abit, nobody died, and the "worst" happened (we didn't go forward), but we're still alive.
I also realized I don't want to date right now, it's a lot of effort, but I tried, it was a success (I'd consider getting a second date a "win" because they wanna know more about you), and I grew from it.
I realised I really do want someone to read my work.
I write novels and haven’t pursued publication because the whole enterprise seems terribly demeaning, especially at this AI-forward, ‘self-marketing’ social-media heavy moment in time. I’ve told myself for basically my whole writerly life that I write for myself, which is still true, but some recent memento mori stuff IRL lately has made me realise I would like to maybe try.
I don’t yet know what this means for myself or the future.
Might as well send some stuff around just to see, even if you have hardly any interest in that. Can’t be any different than now and there’s an off chance you get some good feedback.
You don’t have to use AI for your query package either. Unless something changed, you’ll be approaching agents first anyway… and who knows, it might lead to something else. :)
You might look at Premee Muhammad.
I just finished The Annual Migration of Clouds trilogy and quite liked it. What can we offer you tonight was also good, if dark.
I can wipe my ass with my dominant hand
I broke my wrist months ago and Ive been going through physical therapy for a couple weeks now and its finally mobile enough I can wipe my ass
Its the little things
Haha. Memories! My dominant hand was in a cast for six months(!) due to an industrial accident, and while the resulting ambidexterity has proven occasionally useful in the intervening years, my strongest memory of that time was when I finally, finally regained enough hand/arm flexibility to wipe the way I wanted. Not joking in the least. :D
Right exactly! Definitely a moment to remember.
Wiping my own as is one of the last actions in recovery after being able to hold a drink, being able to feed myself using a utensil with that hand, typing on a keyboard with both hands.
Everything was just so hard for weeks. I actually lost weight because feeding myself was such a chore Id stop before I finished my meal cause both wrists hurt too much to continue.
I cannot recommend a bidet enough, best cost/reward quality of life change I have ever made.
Ive got one, I never use it. It feels weird. I prefer baby wipes.
Ignore me if you've heard this before.. But baby wipes will mess up your plumbing bad. Even the ones marked "flushable", just plain aren't.
When I read this, I thought you meant one's internal plumbing. That was going to be a new warning for me!
Haha, external use only!
Lol yea we’re out in the country on a septic tank I dont flush them
Every winter, despite my best effort with lotions, the skin on my right thumb will split directly at the corner of my nail. Like a maybe 5mm split. It hurts to bang on things, hurts to hold things tight, but what really kills me is it makes wiping my arse a tear inducing affair. So I feel you, that is a big victory!
Thats crazy, my fingers do that too but its in a predictable and shallow way that it doesn’t bleed as long as I don’t mess with it.
If I do mess with it, I just sleep with a bandage on, and its better by the next day.
I wish. They never bleed, but will crack down to show red. Once there it takes at least a week before it gets better, and that's with it o'keeffes on it 24/7.
I've started really honestly wondering about my gender identity. I've realized that I never have totally fit within my "traditional gender role," and the internal and unconscious struggle about trying to conform has probably caused me a decent bit of anxiety over the years.
I've been recently talking about this with my spouse and they've been pushing me to explore and express things outside of my comfort zone. I'm finding it's making me feel calmer and better and happier.
I'm still working to understand what all this means. Because I grew up in community that doesn't completely celebrate this type of thinking, I lack experience and context. I have to reconcile how I feel now against how much of a bigoted asshole I was to people like me when I was younger. I struggle to find the words for how I feel. I worry about saying things or asking questions earnestly that might come across as insensitive or rude. I just don't know any better, but I'm trying.
So yeah. I'm different than I was a few weeks or months or years ago. But I'm also the same. Just more comfortable with myself!
Hey, congrats on this big step. I'm in a similar place, exploring my identity and trying to figure things out. I recently started talking more in-depth with my therapist about my questions around gender, and confided in a group of friends as well. Little baby steps, and it feels scary, but also feels good.
Congrats to you too! It sounds like we're in similar places. I "came out" to my therapist and to a few close friends around the same time, and I'm kind of surprised (and pleased) with how "ok, cool, let's go get lunch!" my friends were about it.
The little baby steps around the home are nice too. Just little appearance or behavior changes. Feeling more confident when I look in the mirror. Nothing I'm ready to share with anyone other than my spouse, but maybe hopefully some day.
I've not heard about this! This looks great!
The most useful book I've found so far has been She/He/They/Me. While it was helpful, I thought it still didn't totally nail down what I was feeling.
Thank you very much for the recommendation.
Edit: Also, wow, I feel seen:
Thanks for the CC, I've come across this site before, and there's a lot of good stuff there, although I don't always fully relate to everything. The essay that the "Am I Trans" page is based on is probably the single piece of writing that most fully made me admit to myself that there was something going on - I found myself ugly crying about halfway through and I thought to myself, "this is definitely not how a cis person would react to reading this".
“Not fully relating to things” has been the biggest thing complicating and challenging my own exploration. I also found some solace in thinking “a cis person wouldn’t even consider all this!”
I was in a very similar place two years ago questioning my entire identity. I constantly pushed down those feelings for years until one day I broke down sobbing because I knew that I wasn't born in the right body. I never fit into the gender role of a man and I actively fought against it even when I didn't know I was trans. I've been on HRT for 7 months now and I couldn't be better! I'm more present in conversations, people keep telling me I look happier even though I haven't come out to anyone, and my anxiety is gone. I feel at peace with myself and that is something I never felt before in my life.
I hope you figure out whoever you are. It can be scary when you've lived as a certain way your entire life and then you think "Something always felt really wrong and I don't know why". If you have any questions feel free to send a message!
I am taking meds for high blood pressure.
Sudden, as it was an ER trip and I'd never had anything like that happen before. Conscious I suppose in that i am choosing to take them.
I'm glad you're okay! I also started blood pressure meds last week, but that's because I finally saw primary care after years of avoidance.
I disabled my discord account more than 2 weeks ago. I woke up today at 10:45 in the morning having slept for more than 9 hours in a single go. I used to VC with my online dudes and dudettes every single day and what was at first a solely weekend affair turned into a daily occurence. All of that wouldn't have been a problem if it weren't for my approach to talking to people whose faces I rarely see. I think in images and therefore I create a crude mental image of the person I'm talking to. The image changes all the times as they are talking about different things. It's like a primitive movie being translated in my brain from audio information to a fully fleshed out motion picture.
In the past I thought of this as my superpower, but as years have gone by I have become increasingly anxious, nervous, agitated, tense. I was working while I thought I was relaxing. I was making movies in my mind every single afternoon for the past 3-4 years. I don't know if you, the person reading this, know what it's like to push through fatigue and burnout and do the job in spite of your body giving out. It's like that. I am spent and now, after almost 3 weeks, I am able to start recovering. I have the will to sleep and dream. To rest. My body does not need to be in alert mode.
I can't blame my movie making mind or the MMM for all that. I also have to blame my people pleasing habits. Leaving a VC early, interrupting someone speaking, joining a VC, being self conscious of your silence, being self conscious of your loudness, not knowing what to say. All of that also burdening me even more.
The activity that once fulfilled me has become a curse and I paid the price.
So, that's new, I can rest now. It's good to feel boredom once again. The boredom that lasts for hours. That's my brain's medpack.
This was really moving to read, there are tiny aspects that I relate to, but more than that to get a glimpse into your mind.
To get invited into this small, but immense, time of your life.
Thank you!
Thank you for the kind reply!
I realized I have an issue with anxiety after realizing that the bug bites on the back of my legs were actually welts, which is a thing that happens when I am very stressed.
Like, they just appear because of the stress? Or you are causing them somehow? I've been getting some bumps on my elbows that I wondered about being a stress response.
They just appear. It’s a physiological reaction to stress.
Oh wow I get one in the crook of my arm and have been wondering if I need to get checked again. It's a relief that others have this response too!
Roughly 10 years ago I was in a particularly stressful section of my life, and I developed something called dyshidrodic eczema all over my hands (fair warning: pictures of it can be quite offputting).
I had never had eczema before and initially didn't even know what it was, but after explaining my situation to my doctor, he said it was most likely stress-driven. It was a complete surprise to me that stress could cause actual acute problems with my body. I of course knew it was bad for you, but I assumed that was more of a long-term, wear-you-down kind of way. I had no idea it could flare up a specific skin rash so bad I felt like I needed to wear gloves day in and day out.
Thankfully, it hasn't happened since, so it remains a distinct and instructive memory rather than a chronic condition. I'm also now on anti-anxiety meds, which genuinely do help a lot.
I hope you're able to find relief -- both from the welts and the anxiety.
I've worked out twice this week, as opposed to zero times the week before. I want to work out three to four times per week, but this summer has been full of sudden schedule changes and such that I just haven't really been able to do a good job of finding the 90 minutes required for the heavy lift I like to do. I could probably be better about conceding the 90 minute lift for a quick 30 minute lift...probably
It seems I'm mostly over my last relationship and have entered one of those windows where I'm open to psysical contact in sex-adjacent ways.
It does happen from time to time, but this time it's much sooner than expected (~1yr while previously it's been 2~3yrs) so I figure something has changed (and I assume I have my last sexual relationship to thank for that).
When asked I consider myself a heterosexual, a-/demi-/gray-sexual, relationship anarchist and kinkster.
Don't be shy to ask or talk about sex, this is an invitation to do that too. I wont discuss my specific kinks in too much detail but everything else is up for grabs :)