What are your experiences with online/app dating as a woman?

I went into online dating with a mindset of not seriously looking, but instead seriously considering - I was interested in the process and interested in a relationship, but not necessarily looking to fully commit to whoever I found or searching for The One. I put a decent amount of thought into my profile and picked things that reflected me as a person, rather than things that made me look/sound extra attractive. I also took the time and effort to look at the profiles that came up as matches under my filters (I used Hinge, which let me filter by things like substance use, kids, etc) and reacted with effort to the ones that were possibly a fit.

I found my partner of nearly four years on day one and only talked to one other person, so while my experience is limited, I do feel like it worked for me! It seemed like one of those things where you get out of it what you put into it. For age perspective, partner and I were mid-20's when we met and are about two years apart in age.

I took general dating precautions - I was in text contact with my mom (a close person) and gave her a description of his car before getting out of mine to meet him. I remained in control of my own vehicle and person and didn't go anywhere in his car for a bit. We had a big talk one night about wants/needs/expectations in response to an external situation and that pretty much settled it for me. I felt pretty solid about my decision and still do.

I found my partner of three years on Bumble just as the pandemic was starting. I indicated in my profile I was looking for something serious and would spend time evaluating profiles (as opposed to mindlessly swiping) while watching reruns of my favourite shows and having a beer or two. Having a good profile with pictures(good lighting, dressed well, photos of hobbies and interesting things, no selfies etc.). I ended up paying for premium as well for a month or two but I think it was a lot cheaper back when I did it three years ago. This was in a very large NA city in my mid to late twenties. I chatted seriously with several people but only ended up meeting my partner for a date and we've been together ever since.

I used several apps (tinder, coffee meets bagel, and hinge) but preferred Bumble overall as I'm a bit more shy so initiating texts was more difficult for me on other apps. I also disregarded all first messages that were something like 'hey' for the most part as well.

I had zero luck with online dating because it was impossible to filter through the genuine messages in the onslaught of spammy hookup messages. I also noticed that the amount of spammy single line 'hey' messages from men dropped exponentially as my age went from 25 to 30. Turning 35 basically killed all online interactions from men in the age range I was interested in (my own or older), but I did start picking up messages from guys in their very early 20s, each one desperately proclaiming how mature they were for their age and how they'd always preferred mature women.

YMMV. Good luck, may you catch better fish than I did.

I haven’t dated in a long time (met my husband in 2016), but I did a lot of online dating before meeting him. Went on a LOT of first dates. There were several that I went on multiple dates with but it ultimately fizzled for one reason or another. And I had one committed longer term relationship.

This was over the span of 5ish years. 2011-2016. I’m 34 now. I mostly used Tinder but also OkCupid before Tinder was out. I tried and hated Bumble but it was pretty new back then.

I didn’t have many issues with mismatched expectations. The ones looking for hook ups are usually either open about it or you can sus it out from conversation before meeting them. I enjoyed online dating. I mean, having a date with someone you can’t stand sucks, but I generally like people and am interested in learning about them. So I made the most out of dates even if I didn’t feel a romantic connection. I think it could be really exhausting/ defeating for an introvert or someone with social anxiety.

Ultimately met my husband at work though!

I met my wife who I've been married to for 9 years now on Plent of Fish. When I first started using the site I had 2 to 3 duds before meeting her, and when I did agree to meet up it was at a low point in my life so I wasn't in the right headspace. She was patient and worked on me and the rest is history.

I had an on and off history with OkCupid for about six years before I met my husband. I was in a long term relationship with a high school sweetheart for ten years that taught me a lot about what I could and couldn't tolerate in a partner. When that ended I approached online dating with a clear checklist in mind and a very purposeful attitude.

I found a relationship pretty quickly, but that only lasted a year and I amended my checklist with what I had learned and moved on. I did this a few times with relationships of varying lengths but none lasting more than 8 months. As a woman in my early thirties who wanted children I know I turned off many men who were less decisive about their goals or looking to explore rather than settle down, which was fine by me!

For the record, my checklist was made up of things like financially responsible, monogamous, wanted kids, comfortable with themselves, emotionally stable, no substance abuse, kind etc, rather than superficial things like appearance or income. As a result I was not willing to compromise. I took a very active and aggressive approach with the assumption it would be entirely on me to find what I was looking for. Nearly all of my dates came from my messaging someone I had found first. I went through a lot of first, second and third dates where I realized potential partners didn't make the cut. I questioned myself after a few years, wondering if I was being unreasonable with my list of stipulations, but kept ending up finding promising prospects who were almost what I was looking for but then things fell apart for various reasons.

I took a break after a particularly bad disappointment where someone I had high hopes for met someone else, but when I came back after a few months I had a message waiting for me. It was everything an online dating message shouldn't be: extremely long, overly personal, too invested, but at the time it was refreshing and so I gave him a chance. It turns out that was the right choice, because after messaging late into the night we decided to meet up as soon as we could and got along wonderfully. Turns out he was looking with purpose with his own checklist and goals that aligned with mine. As soon as I realized he was the real deal and what I had been looking for I wasted no time in putting a ring on it :)

I would say that online dating as a woman can be like being at a huge all-you-can-eat buffet, but you're allergic to nearly everything there. Someone on the outside might say "wow so many options!" but you're looking at all of these platters just trying to find something you can actually eat. I met people in person as well but being able to filter for people who had common goals and were actively looking for a partner was always such a boon. I'm disappointed it sounds like OkCupid has been moving away from being data driven and information forward because those aspects were essential to my search, and instrumental to my eventual success. I know that I'm an odd duck though and not everyone might be looking for something so specific.