As someone who has started trying for a baby, this is honestly the single most stressful thing about it. I have no idea how people are supposed to hold down a full-time job that earns enough to...
As someone who has started trying for a baby, this is honestly the single most stressful thing about it. I have no idea how people are supposed to hold down a full-time job that earns enough to pay rent in this city AND afford to pay half again as much to take care of a baby. It's insane!
Everyone I know who has kids relies on extended family pretty regularly. A lot of them have a designated day of the week on which one of the grandparents will take care of them, which allows them...
Everyone I know who has kids relies on extended family pretty regularly. A lot of them have a designated day of the week on which one of the grandparents will take care of them, which allows them to cut down on day care costs by 20% -- even more if they can swing more than one day. That said, some day cares won't let you only come for select days, or will make you pay for the full "spot" even if your child isn't there each weekday.
Deciding to have a child is a huge and wonderful decision. I wish you the best moving forward!
It's huge in that, in deciding to become a parent, you are committing to putting the needs of a child ahead of your own for decades to come. It is a fundamental restructuring of your entire life....
It's huge in that, in deciding to become a parent, you are committing to putting the needs of a child ahead of your own for decades to come. It is a fundamental restructuring of your entire life. It's irreversible, and not a decision to be made lightly.
And it's wonderful in that, in deciding to become a parent, you are committing to the creation or adoption of a unique new life who will slowly grow into their own whole, complete person. Parenting is being able to experience the personalized miracle of life first-hand, and have an authorial role in its processes.
I apologize in advance if you find this offensive, but if you're stressing about the cost of having and caring for a child then perhaps you're not ready to have a child.
I apologize in advance if you find this offensive, but if you're stressing about the cost of having and caring for a child then perhaps you're not ready to have a child.
Honestly, the concept of a nuclear family is ridiculous. How is it that a family needs both parents working in order to support their child, yet can't afford child care? I think you're right. It's...
Honestly, the concept of a nuclear family is ridiculous. How is it that a family needs both parents working in order to support their child, yet can't afford child care? I think you're right. It's a canary in the proverbial coal mine.
The concept of a nuclear family isn't what's ridiculous. It's the fact that both parents need to work. If you're a parent, your primary job is to care for your kid. It's crazy that the norm is to...
The concept of a nuclear family isn't what's ridiculous. It's the fact that both parents need to work. If you're a parent, your primary job is to care for your kid. It's crazy that the norm is to spend the majority of your waking hours not even in the same building as them.
I hear you. I am also in the top 10%, and luckily in my metro area that's enough to support my family, while my spouse stays home and cares for my child. Even this is incredibly difficult, since...
I hear you. I am also in the top 10%, and luckily in my metro area that's enough to support my family, while my spouse stays home and cares for my child. Even this is incredibly difficult, since we don't have much of a reliable extended support network.
Turns out full-time parenting has a ton of other challenges, and in some ways is worse than a job because you don't get sick days. We're investigating part-time daycare for socializing our kid, and giving my spouse a few extra hours of free time.... but damn is it expensive.
Because virtually everything important (housing, education, childcare, etc) costs exponentially more than it used to? Because wages have effectively stagnated for ~35 years? Back when minimum wage...
Because virtually everything important (housing, education, childcare, etc) costs exponentially more than it used to? Because wages have effectively stagnated for ~35 years?
Back when minimum wage was conceived, it was intended to provide a living wage, to support a family on one income. Considering that it's not possible to do this in many parts of the country even with 3x or more minimum wage, it shows how far off course our society has drifted.
Wouldn't a higher minimum wage also increase the costs of childcare at almost a linear rate though? Most childcare workers are either making minimum wage or close to it, and labor is by far the...
Wouldn't a higher minimum wage also increase the costs of childcare at almost a linear rate though? Most childcare workers are either making minimum wage or close to it, and labor is by far the biggest cost of childcare.
Yeah this is almost certainly what would happen. The real culprit seems to be extremely strong restrictions on care-worker to child ratio. It doesn't seem to be something that is easily mitigated...
Yeah this is almost certainly what would happen. The real culprit seems to be extremely strong restrictions on care-worker to child ratio. It doesn't seem to be something that is easily mitigated by technology.
But other countries with high wages seem to manage just fine. It might have to do with state provided education and healthcare addressing big chunks of the labor costs. I suspect child-care workers are probably especially susceptible to getting sick (because kids a germ-bags and being underpaid means you're probably going to take longer to get treatment, prolonging your being sick). And then the complications around managing more sick-time and dealing with staffing issues around that probably does nothing good for your overhead/administrative costs as a company.
I'd suggest that if people don't stress about basic necessities for their children, then they might not be ready to have a child. It's a huge deal, and a point of stress, even if you can provide...
I'd suggest that if people don't stress about basic necessities for their children, then they might not be ready to have a child. It's a huge deal, and a point of stress, even if you can provide for your children, because in addition to raising a child, you want to have things for yourself and still save money.
I spent my entire adult life trying not to have a baby, and I must say that I succeeded tremendously, sometimes against all odds! But I am not a /r/childfree asshole, so I wish you the best of luck ;)
I spent my entire adult life trying not to have a baby, and I must say that I succeeded tremendously, sometimes against all odds!
But I am not a /r/childfree asshole, so I wish you the best of luck ;)
As someone who has started trying for a baby, this is honestly the single most stressful thing about it. I have no idea how people are supposed to hold down a full-time job that earns enough to pay rent in this city AND afford to pay half again as much to take care of a baby. It's insane!
Everyone I know who has kids relies on extended family pretty regularly. A lot of them have a designated day of the week on which one of the grandparents will take care of them, which allows them to cut down on day care costs by 20% -- even more if they can swing more than one day. That said, some day cares won't let you only come for select days, or will make you pay for the full "spot" even if your child isn't there each weekday.
Deciding to have a child is a huge and wonderful decision. I wish you the best moving forward!
How so?
It's huge in that, in deciding to become a parent, you are committing to putting the needs of a child ahead of your own for decades to come. It is a fundamental restructuring of your entire life. It's irreversible, and not a decision to be made lightly.
And it's wonderful in that, in deciding to become a parent, you are committing to the creation or adoption of a unique new life who will slowly grow into their own whole, complete person. Parenting is being able to experience the personalized miracle of life first-hand, and have an authorial role in its processes.
Live near family if you can. I couldn't imagine raising a child without the extra support.
I apologize in advance if you find this offensive, but if you're stressing about the cost of having and caring for a child then perhaps you're not ready to have a child.
I’m easily in the top 10% of income earners in the country. If this is a source of stress for me it’s a sign of a profoundly broken society.
Honestly, the concept of a nuclear family is ridiculous. How is it that a family needs both parents working in order to support their child, yet can't afford child care? I think you're right. It's a canary in the proverbial coal mine.
The concept of a nuclear family isn't what's ridiculous. It's the fact that both parents need to work. If you're a parent, your primary job is to care for your kid. It's crazy that the norm is to spend the majority of your waking hours not even in the same building as them.
I hear you. I am also in the top 10%, and luckily in my metro area that's enough to support my family, while my spouse stays home and cares for my child. Even this is incredibly difficult, since we don't have much of a reliable extended support network.
Turns out full-time parenting has a ton of other challenges, and in some ways is worse than a job because you don't get sick days. We're investigating part-time daycare for socializing our kid, and giving my spouse a few extra hours of free time.... but damn is it expensive.
How so?
Because virtually everything important (housing, education, childcare, etc) costs exponentially more than it used to? Because wages have effectively stagnated for ~35 years?
Back when minimum wage was conceived, it was intended to provide a living wage, to support a family on one income. Considering that it's not possible to do this in many parts of the country even with 3x or more minimum wage, it shows how far off course our society has drifted.
Wouldn't a higher minimum wage also increase the costs of childcare at almost a linear rate though? Most childcare workers are either making minimum wage or close to it, and labor is by far the biggest cost of childcare.
Yeah this is almost certainly what would happen. The real culprit seems to be extremely strong restrictions on care-worker to child ratio. It doesn't seem to be something that is easily mitigated by technology.
But other countries with high wages seem to manage just fine. It might have to do with state provided education and healthcare addressing big chunks of the labor costs. I suspect child-care workers are probably especially susceptible to getting sick (because kids a germ-bags and being underpaid means you're probably going to take longer to get treatment, prolonging your being sick). And then the complications around managing more sick-time and dealing with staffing issues around that probably does nothing good for your overhead/administrative costs as a company.
I'd suggest that if people don't stress about basic necessities for their children, then they might not be ready to have a child. It's a huge deal, and a point of stress, even if you can provide for your children, because in addition to raising a child, you want to have things for yourself and still save money.
I spent my entire adult life trying not to have a baby, and I must say that I succeeded tremendously, sometimes against all odds!
But I am not a /r/childfree asshole, so I wish you the best of luck ;)