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Do you talk to your pets? How does the conversation usually go?
I understand that I must write something here for this to work, but I don't think I need to clarify the title any further. Just a prompt for our mutual amusement ;)
I have had a number of cats, some of them more chatty than others. The conversation is usually something to do with food, and how mine is mine and theirs is theirs and if they don't like it they can take it up with management and oh by the way rent was due yesterday.
Or about how much they want to go outside.
"Merworw"
"Yes I know, but we've been over this"
"Meerrrow"
"I know, I'm not saying you're not responsible"
"Marowrow"
"That doesn't change the rules, I don't care what [insert other cat name] said"
"Murawrhwhwa"
"Don't take that tone with me young man"
"Mewwowwow!"
"Tears wont' help you either, you're not going outside, on account of your 'addiction'"
"Mruw?"
"Yes the murder, we're talking about the murder"
"Merow!"
"No it's definitely murder, I don't care how they looked at you"
"Murf"
"Yes well that's fine if you want to pout about it, I'm going to go over here now"
How my husband and I talk to our dog (a guide):
Our dog isn’t just cute, or little, or adorable. He is THE CUTEST or THE LITTLEST or THE MOST ADORABLE DOG IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD, and we remind him of this ALL THE TIME.
Our dog gets called by his actual name maybe one out of every twenty times. Instead, he gets called cute riffs on his name, or something like “Little Buddy” or more likely “LITTLEST Buddy” or most likely “LITTLEST BUDDIEST LITTLE BUDDY GUY”.
We ask our dog questions all the time as if he has no idea on earth what is going on ever. It’s always stuff like “Is that BREAKFAST?” or “Are you POOPING?” to which the implied answer is always “yes, obviously” but it doesn’t matter because we say them with excitement in our voices and he feeds off that energy and is all “BREAKFAST!” and “POOPING!”.
When the excitement breaks and there’s a quiet, calm moment, you can catch my husband or I in a low, earnest voice telling our dog we love him while giving him a belly rub, kissing his head, scratching behind his ears, or nuzzling him with our noses. Unlike everything else we say to him, which is dripping in campy excess, these moments are real and meaningful and so very, very enriching.
I love learning peoples' pet nicknames. My dog's name is Josie, but she is also AKA:
She also just loves to be smelly, so names for when she's dirty/muddy are:
My cat Milli has a secret, in that her name is short for Milli Vanilli, which itself is short for Millicent Vanillicent.
My cat Spud's full name was originally Sputnik, but my former GF called her Spud and it stuck. Sometimes she is Spuddy Buddy!
And finally, my cat Maeby is AKA "Gremlin" or "Goblin". She is the troublemaker, plus the most goblin-like of all my cats in appearance by far.
I have a golden doodle named Ripley:
And a saint bernadoodle named Scully:
Generic names used for either/both of them:
(* More of a play on "puppies" than poop, but both kind of work.)
Most of those nick names are often preceded by "my little" or "my cute little" and more often than not "L" and "R" sounds are replaced by "W" sounds, and a sneaky "S" is added to random words when talking to them. For example "My cute little Riprip" might become "My cute wittwe Wipwips," or "Does my cute little Skullskull want to go for her walk?" might become "Duz my cute wittwe Skowskow wants to go for her walksies? Duz she? Yes she does cuz she's my cute wittwe Snoopy Poops! Yes she iz!!!"
We have a dachshund mix named Baron Augustus Ferdinand (yes this account is named after him, yes I gave my dog a title) typically called:
An 8lb-when-soaking-wet runt Tuxedo cat named Hank the Cat typically referred to as:
And a full sized 11.5lb striped gray cat named Irwin the Cat that also goes by:
My roommate's Dachshund is named Ferdinand. Born and raised in Vienna, so he's an actual Wiener Wiener dog.
Hello fellow Sputnik owner. We use Sput and Sputty Buddy. So… great cat minds think alike
Currently I have only 1 cat, who is an 18 yr old orange tabby. He is very chill. When he was adopted about 10yr ago (from an owner who's new apartment didn't allow pets) he sulked under the bed sheets for most of a week. As a result, his name is now Lump.
Aliases include : Lumpus Maximus, Lumpus, Old Man, and Sir Lumpsalot
This lines up with our day-to-day talk as well.
I do extremely specific superlatives because it amuses me.
She's not the cutest cat, but the cutest girl cat on the bed in this room.
I had an unusually long conversation with my cat yesterday.
I was driving to the vet with her in a new cloth carrier (which my wife advised against but I thought was a great idea.)
The cat was meowing up a storm, so I participated in the conversation. It touched on the economy, the election and the likelihood of total economic and social collapse.
It turns out she was actually saying that she hated the cloth carrier so much that she had peed in it, and now she was unhappily soaked with pee.
I chat with my dog sometimes but usually it's more of a running commentary on what she 's doing. Like, "yep, that's a bird poop, no need to confirm!"
One thing my fiancée and I do, which I realize only now might be a bit weird, is my fiancée will say something to the dog and I will respond as the dog. The dog, by the way, talks like an overeducated rich child. Example:
"Josie, stop crying, I know you've already had supper."
Me: "But maMÀ! I have been ever so good! Why just earlier today I resisted the devilish temptation to roll in bird poop. Is this excellent behaviour not deserving of the iced crème?? "
The cats, I am... quite attuned to, actually! I have three and just from sound I can tell which one is meowing and generally what they're meowing about. For example, one has very distinct meows for "I need help" versus "I just want attention", another one has a special meow she reserves for being proud of pulling cat food containers out of the garbage (and the dog comes running to steal it, sigh), and one generally only makes noise to beg for food.
Often they'll meow and I'll say "what?" and they'll meow back and this will repeat until they give some indication as to what they want more specifically! Like "ok, you have my attention, do you want to play or do you want to cuddle?"
I absolutely did this with my ex and our cats. Actually I do this when I'm at a friend's house too. So, not that weird in my world.
I do that all the time. My girlfriend likes to talk to the dogs as if they could understand her, so she'll say something like "now I let you in the bedroom, but I just cleaned everything, so don't go peeing everywhere!", and I answer as the dog UNDERSTOOD!. It cracks her up.
It's been a long time since I've had a pet, but I don't usually have much in the way of conversation with them except when I'm talking about their wants or needs ("Wanna go out? Wanna sit with me?"). One of the great things about animals as pets is that they don't need talk to you to know how you're feeling, and while their reactions to your feelings may be, in some sense, performative in nature, those actions are still meaningful.
I don't have any pets right now, but my late parrots were surprisingly responsive. Our green-cheek conure was able to understand simple things, but mostly we'd talk to her and she'd chirp and make noises/words back more as a bonding exercise. It would be "Hey Birbie" "Hey Birbie chyukchukchuk" Our parrotlet (little Mesoamerican birds that are like fighter jets, can even fly with clipped wings) would just tweet and fly at us.
My brother's wife's dog will look at you and turn his head,. or go to do something like go to the bathroom if you're supposed to be picking up on his sign that he's gotta go. He mostly just tilts his head and points his ears at you.
I have a pet turtle, and most of my conversations are when he knocks things over in his tank and then stares at me expecting me to fix it. So most of my conversations are me looking over and saying "What now, you little shit?"
dog is vibrating in the background
"Oh, yes, you're right! It's dinnertime! Your hearing is so acute. (the dinner alarm is very quiet) You're a-cute in general, too. Yes, you're such a cutie.
feeds dog
lays out cat's dinner out of dog's reach
cat yowls in background
"Yes, you're pretty all right too."
helps the old lady cat up onto her feeding perch
I'm ebullient with the dog because he actually responds enthusiastically to being talked to, but the cat is, well, much more of a cat.
Yes, a lot! All three dogs have different ways I talk to them. Gambit is an old lady who doesn’t want to be bothered except for pets, Loki is a goofus who I frequently thank for barking at strangers and noises, and Jean gets a lot of “Jean??? What are you doing???”
Of course.
We have three pets (two cats and a dog) and pretty much everything already said in this thread happens in our household as well. Be it responding to the animals "speaking" to us with made up conversations or perceived slights, speaking for them in largely a self-deprecating humor sort of way, or giving their personalities words and mannerisms.