18 votes

Do you talk to your pets? How the conversation usually goes?

Tags: pets, personal

I understand that I must write something here for this to work, but I don't think I need to clarify the title any further. Just a prompt for our mutual amusement ;)

20 comments

  1. Omnicrola
    Link
    I have had a number of cats, some of them more chatty than others. The conversation is usually something to do with food, and how mine is mine and theirs is theirs and if they don't like it they...

    I have had a number of cats, some of them more chatty than others. The conversation is usually something to do with food, and how mine is mine and theirs is theirs and if they don't like it they can take it up with management and oh by the way rent was due yesterday.

    Or about how much they want to go outside.

    "Merworw"
    "Yes I know, but we've been over this"
    "Meerrrow"
    "I know, I'm not saying you're not responsible"
    "Marowrow"
    "That doesn't change the rules, I don't care what [insert other cat name] said"
    "Murawrhwhwa"
    "Don't take that tone with me young man"
    "Mewwowwow!"
    "Tears wont' help you either, you're not going outside, on account of your 'addiction'"
    "Mruw?"
    "Yes the murder, we're talking about the murder"
    "Merow!"
    "No it's definitely murder, I don't care how they looked at you"
    "Murf"
    "Yes well that's fine if you want to pout about it, I'm going to go over here now"

    11 votes
  2. [9]
    kfwyre
    (edited )
    Link
    How my husband and I talk to our dog (a guide): Excessive Superlatives Our dog isn’t just cute, or little, or adorable. He is THE CUTEST or THE LITTLEST or THE MOST ADORABLE DOG IN THE WHOLE WIDE...

    How my husband and I talk to our dog (a guide):

    1. Excessive Superlatives

    Our dog isn’t just cute, or little, or adorable. He is THE CUTEST or THE LITTLEST or THE MOST ADORABLE DOG IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD, and we remind him of this ALL THE TIME.

    1. Excessive Nicknames

    Our dog gets called by his actual name maybe one out of every twenty times. Instead, he gets called cute riffs on his name, or something like “Little Buddy” or more likely “LITTLEST Buddy” or most likely “LITTLEST BUDDIEST LITTLE BUDDY GUY”.

    1. Patronizing Questioning

    We ask our dog questions all the time as if he has no idea on earth what is going on ever. It’s always stuff like “Is that BREAKFAST?” or “Are you POOPING?” to which the implied answer is always “yes, obviously” but it doesn’t matter because we say them with excitement in our voices and he feeds off that energy and is all “BREAKFAST!” and “POOPING!”.

    1. Effusive Sentimentality

    When the excitement breaks and there’s a quiet, calm moment, you can catch my husband or I in a low, earnest voice telling our dog we love him while giving him a belly rub, kissing his head, scratching behind his ears, or nuzzling him with our noses. Unlike everything else we say to him, which is dripping in campy excess, these moments are real and meaningful and so very, very enriching.

    9 votes
    1. [6]
      rogue_cricket
      Link Parent
      I love learning peoples' pet nicknames. My dog's name is Josie, but she is also AKA: Josie Posie, which evolved into JoPo, along the lines of ScarJo. JoJo comes up as well. She also just loves to...

      I love learning peoples' pet nicknames. My dog's name is Josie, but she is also AKA:

      • Josie Posie, which evolved into
      • JoPo, along the lines of ScarJo.
      • JoJo comes up as well.

      She also just loves to be smelly, so names for when she's dirty/muddy are:

      • Grossy Josie
      • Li'l Stinky
      • Stinkmaster Prime

      My cat Milli has a secret, in that her name is short for Milli Vanilli, which itself is short for Millicent Vanillicent.

      My cat Spud's full name was originally Sputnik, but my former GF called her Spud and it stuck. Sometimes she is Spuddy Buddy!

      And finally, my cat Maeby is AKA "Gremlin" or "Goblin". She is the troublemaker, plus the most goblin-like of all my cats in appearance by far.

      4 votes
      1. [3]
        Rudism
        Link Parent
        I have a golden doodle named Ripley: Rip Riprips And a saint bernadoodle named Scully: Skull Skullskulls Generic names used for either/both of them: Snoopies Poopies* Poopy snoops Snoopy poops (*...

        I have a golden doodle named Ripley:

        • Rip
        • Riprips

        And a saint bernadoodle named Scully:

        • Skull
        • Skullskulls

        Generic names used for either/both of them:

        • Snoopies
        • Poopies*
        • Poopy snoops
        • Snoopy poops

        (* More of a play on "puppies" than poop, but both kind of work.)

        Most of those nick names are often preceded by "my little" or "my cute little" and more often than not "L" and "R" sounds are replaced by "W" sounds, and a sneaky "S" is added to random words when talking to them. For example "My cute little Riprip" might become "My cute wittwe Wipwips," or "Does my cute little Skullskull want to go for her walk?" might become "Duz my cute wittwe Skowskow wants to go for her walksies? Duz she? Yes she does cuz she's my cute wittwe Snoopy Poops! Yes she iz!!!"

        3 votes
        1. [2]
          AugustusFerdinand
          Link Parent
          We have a dachshund mix named Baron Augustus Ferdinand (yes this account is named after him, yes I gave my dog a title) typically called: Ferdinand Nando Nando The Mando Ugly (he's a dappled...

          We have a dachshund mix named Baron Augustus Ferdinand (yes this account is named after him, yes I gave my dog a title) typically called:

          • Ferdinand
          • Nando
          • Nando The Mando
          • Ugly (he's a dappled dachshund with vitiligo and witch's moles, the longer you look at him the uglier he gets)
          • Uggo
          • Sweetest of the boys, first of his name

          An 8lb-when-soaking-wet runt Tuxedo cat named Hank the Cat typically referred to as:

          • Hank
          • Hankers
          • Hanky Panky
          • Smol
          • Old Man (he's a 14 year old cat set in his ways)

          And a full sized 11.5lb striped gray cat named Irwin the Cat that also goes by:

          • Irwin
          • Durrwin (Ferdinand and Hank are intelligent, Irwin... uhh... tries his best)
          • Fatboy (he's not overweight, just a large cat, but he looks huge compared to Hank the runt)
          • Sweetboy
          • Little Dick (per his female vet, he has an even smaller-than-usual-for-cats penis)
          3 votes
          1. Eric_the_Cerise
            Link Parent
            My roommate's Dachshund is named Ferdinand. Born and raised in Vienna, so he's an actual Wiener Wiener dog.

            My roommate's Dachshund is named Ferdinand. Born and raised in Vienna, so he's an actual Wiener Wiener dog.

            4 votes
      2. arghdos
        Link Parent
        Hello fellow Sputnik owner. We use Sput and Sputty Buddy. So… great cat minds think alike

        My cat Spud's full name was originally Sputnik, but my former GF called her Spud and it stuck. Sometimes she is Spuddy Buddy!

        Hello fellow Sputnik owner. We use Sput and Sputty Buddy. So… great cat minds think alike

        2 votes
      3. Omnicrola
        Link Parent
        Currently I have only 1 cat, who is an 18 yr old orange tabby. He is very chill. When he was adopted about 10yr ago (from an owner who's new apartment didn't allow pets) he sulked under the bed...

        Currently I have only 1 cat, who is an 18 yr old orange tabby. He is very chill. When he was adopted about 10yr ago (from an owner who's new apartment didn't allow pets) he sulked under the bed sheets for most of a week. As a result, his name is now Lump.

        Aliases include : Lumpus Maximus, Lumpus, Old Man, and Sir Lumpsalot

        1 vote
    2. autumn
      Link Parent
      This lines up with our day-to-day talk as well.

      This lines up with our day-to-day talk as well.

      3 votes
    3. fifthecho
      Link Parent
      I do extremely specific superlatives because it amuses me. She's not the cutest cat, but the cutest girl cat on the bed in this room.

      I do extremely specific superlatives because it amuses me.

      She's not the cutest cat, but the cutest girl cat on the bed in this room.

      3 votes
  3. HotPants
    Link
    I had an unusually long conversation with my cat yesterday. I was driving to the vet with her in a new cloth carrier (which my wife advised against but I thought was a great idea.) The cat was...

    I had an unusually long conversation with my cat yesterday.

    I was driving to the vet with her in a new cloth carrier (which my wife advised against but I thought was a great idea.)

    The cat was meowing up a storm, so I participated in the conversation. It touched on the economy, the election and the likelihood of total economic and social collapse.

    It turns out she was actually saying that she hated the cloth carrier so much that she had peed in it, and now she was unhappily soaked with pee.

    6 votes
  4. [3]
    rogue_cricket
    Link
    I chat with my dog sometimes but usually it's more of a running commentary on what she 's doing. Like, "yep, that's a bird poop, no need to confirm!" One thing my fiancée and I do, which I realize...

    I chat with my dog sometimes but usually it's more of a running commentary on what she 's doing. Like, "yep, that's a bird poop, no need to confirm!"

    One thing my fiancée and I do, which I realize only now might be a bit weird, is my fiancée will say something to the dog and I will respond as the dog. The dog, by the way, talks like an overeducated rich child. Example:

    "Josie, stop crying, I know you've already had supper."
    Me: "But maMÀ! I have been ever so good! Why just earlier today I resisted the devilish temptation to roll in bird poop. Is this excellent behaviour not deserving of the iced crème?? "

    The cats, I am... quite attuned to, actually! I have three and just from sound I can tell which one is meowing and generally what they're meowing about. For example, one has very distinct meows for "I need help" versus "I just want attention", another one has a special meow she reserves for being proud of pulling cat food containers out of the garbage (and the dog comes running to steal it, sigh), and one generally only makes noise to beg for food.

    Often they'll meow and I'll say "what?" and they'll meow back and this will repeat until they give some indication as to what they want more specifically! Like "ok, you have my attention, do you want to play or do you want to cuddle?"

    5 votes
    1. [2]
      Omnicrola
      Link Parent
      I absolutely did this with my ex and our cats. Actually I do this when I'm at a friend's house too. So, not that weird in my world.

      One thing my fiancée and I do, which I realize only now might be a bit weird, is my fiancée will say something to the dog and I will respond as the dog. The dog, by the way, talks like an overeducated rich child. Example:

      I absolutely did this with my ex and our cats. Actually I do this when I'm at a friend's house too. So, not that weird in my world.

      4 votes
      1. lou
        (edited )
        Link Parent
        I do that all the time. My girlfriend likes to talk to the dogs as if they could understand her, so she'll say something like "now I let you in the bedroom, but I just cleaned everything, so don't...

        I do that all the time. My girlfriend likes to talk to the dogs as if they could understand her, so she'll say something like "now I let you in the bedroom, but I just cleaned everything, so don't go peeing everywhere!", and I answer as the dog UNDERSTOOD!. It cracks her up.

        2 votes
  5. Akir
    Link
    It's been a long time since I've had a pet, but I don't usually have much in the way of conversation with them except when I'm talking about their wants or needs ("Wanna go out? Wanna sit with...

    It's been a long time since I've had a pet, but I don't usually have much in the way of conversation with them except when I'm talking about their wants or needs ("Wanna go out? Wanna sit with me?"). One of the great things about animals as pets is that they don't need talk to you to know how you're feeling, and while their reactions to your feelings may be, in some sense, performative in nature, those actions are still meaningful.

    4 votes
  6. knocklessmonster
    Link
    I don't have any pets right now, but my late parrots were surprisingly responsive. Our green-cheek conure was able to understand simple things, but mostly we'd talk to her and she'd chirp and make...

    I don't have any pets right now, but my late parrots were surprisingly responsive. Our green-cheek conure was able to understand simple things, but mostly we'd talk to her and she'd chirp and make noises/words back more as a bonding exercise. It would be "Hey Birbie" "Hey Birbie chyukchukchuk" Our parrotlet (little Mesoamerican birds that are like fighter jets, can even fly with clipped wings) would just tweet and fly at us.

    My brother's wife's dog will look at you and turn his head,. or go to do something like go to the bathroom if you're supposed to be picking up on his sign that he's gotta go. He mostly just tilts his head and points his ears at you.

    4 votes
  7. skullkid2424
    Link
    I have a pet turtle, and most of my conversations are when he knocks things over in his tank and then stares at me expecting me to fix it. So most of my conversations are me looking over and...

    I have a pet turtle, and most of my conversations are when he knocks things over in his tank and then stares at me expecting me to fix it. So most of my conversations are me looking over and saying "What now, you little shit?"

    4 votes
  8. MimicSquid
    Link
    dog is vibrating in the background "Oh, yes, you're right! It's dinnertime! Your hearing is so acute. (the dinner alarm is very quiet) You're a-cute in general, too. Yes, you're such a cutie....

    dog is vibrating in the background
    "Oh, yes, you're right! It's dinnertime! Your hearing is so acute. (the dinner alarm is very quiet) You're a-cute in general, too. Yes, you're such a cutie.
    feeds dog
    lays out cat's dinner out of dog's reach
    cat yowls in background
    "Yes, you're pretty all right too."
    helps the old lady cat up onto her feeding perch

    I'm ebullient with the dog because he actually responds enthusiastically to being talked to, but the cat is, well, much more of a cat.

    3 votes
  9. autumn
    Link
    Yes, a lot! All three dogs have different ways I talk to them. Gambit is an old lady who doesn’t want to be bothered except for pets, Loki is a goofus who I frequently thank for barking at...

    Yes, a lot! All three dogs have different ways I talk to them. Gambit is an old lady who doesn’t want to be bothered except for pets, Loki is a goofus who I frequently thank for barking at strangers and noises, and Jean gets a lot of “Jean??? What are you doing???”

    3 votes
  10. AugustusFerdinand
    Link
    Of course. We have three pets (two cats and a dog) and pretty much everything already said in this thread happens in our household as well. Be it responding to the animals "speaking" to us with...

    Of course.

    We have three pets (two cats and a dog) and pretty much everything already said in this thread happens in our household as well. Be it responding to the animals "speaking" to us with made up conversations or perceived slights, speaking for them in largely a self-deprecating humor sort of way, or giving their personalities words and mannerisms.

    3 votes