Evie's recent activity
-
Comment on Tildes Minecraft Survival Weekly in ~games
-
Comment on Tildes Minecraft Survival Weekly in ~games
Evie Link ParentThanks for including my base, creesch! Obviously still a WIP but I'm very happy with the interior so farThanks for including my base, creesch! Obviously still a WIP but I'm very happy with the interior so far
-
Comment on What games have you been playing, and what's your opinion on them? in ~games
Evie Link ParentYeah I dropped Zenless after doing all the 1.0 content (I just don't have time for two gachas) but as a long time Honkai Star Rail player (previous game, same devs) it's genuinely hard for me to...Yeah I dropped Zenless after doing all the 1.0 content (I just don't have time for two gachas) but as a long time Honkai Star Rail player (previous game, same devs) it's genuinely hard for me to play, like, Western live service games now. Between frequent, content-rich updates that just... work pretty much perfectly, every time, and daily and weekly quests that don't feel like they're trying to torture you into playing dozens of hours between major story chapters, it seems like Hoyoverse has just about solved live service design and player retention (at least for the types of games they're making). And at the core of that solution is making games that are actually fun, well made, and relatively unique.
Was 1.1 a story patch for Zenless? How's the writing been landing for you, in general? I thought that was the game's biggest weakness (especially compared to Hoyo's previous games) but I'm curious to hear others' thoughts.
-
Comment on United States Supreme Court blocks Joe Biden administration rules against sex discrimination in schools in ~lgbt
Evie Link ParentGorsuch's stance here makes a lot of sense and indicates to me that the DoE rule changes will ultimately be upheld, even if temporarily blocked. He, of course, wrote the compromise decision in...Gorsuch's stance here makes a lot of sense and indicates to me that the DoE rule changes will ultimately be upheld, even if temporarily blocked. He, of course, wrote the compromise decision in Bostock v. Clayton County a few years ago that extended sex-based antidiscrimination protections to gay and trans people, and I simply do not see both him and Roberts both flipping on this question in such a short time.
-
Comment on ‘T4T’ isn’t just about dating, it’s about community care in ~lgbt
Evie Link ParentI think in general most trans people do respect each other's choices and despite being pretty plugged in I've never seen meaningful discourse or disagreement about trans people's dating...I think in general most trans people do respect each other's choices and despite being pretty plugged in I've never seen meaningful discourse or disagreement about trans people's dating preferences (except the occasionally reactionary ragebait, which is irrelevant here). But certainly T4T dating is implicitly tied up in the central philosophical debate in the trans community; that of assimilation vs liberation. I don't want to get to into this debate, really, on tildes.net, but let it suffice to say that trans people generally fall on a spectrum where one end is "living in the midwest, please god i just want to pass, went to therapy for six months to get my hrt recommendation letter, dating a cis person of the opposite gender, trying to have a relationship with my parents, most of my friends aren't queer, working a desk job" and the other end is "part of the portland polyamorous cluster, if you don't like my gender expression fuck off, getting a cardboard box of pills from Vanuatu every six months, none of my friends are cishet, haven't talked to my family in six years, I make my living selling porn on furaffinity."
Obviously these are slightly extreme stereotypes and most people fall somewhere on the middle of this distribution but there's a lot of disagreement in certain circles about which approach is better, safer, more joyful. As the article in the OP says T4T as an ethos is pretty tied up in the second, liberatory side of the spectrum, where the focus is building a community of radical acceptance; a support network where your happiness is no longer contingent on appeasing the cissexist standards promoted by modern society. It's not just about dating people who are similar to you, for a lot of people who identify as T4T. It's about keeping each other safe, and expressing trans love, and being a source of stability when others need it, or being held, when you need it. But in general I think people who are more interested in assimilation tend to find this approach more enviable than objectionable; ultimately, being able to live this way is kind of a privilege you only get in very progressive, or nonconfrontational, areas with high population density.
-
Comment on ‘T4T’ isn’t just about dating, it’s about community care in ~lgbt
Evie Link ParentI really do appreciate this sentiment! Personally, though, I think that this type of question is what trans people mean when they use it to justify t4t. So, like, look. I'm happy to befriend cis...I really do appreciate this sentiment! Personally, though, I think that this type of question is what trans people mean when they use it to justify t4t. So, like, look. I'm happy to befriend cis people, answer their questions, be vulnerable to them, etc. Because I'm in control of the interaction; I can withdraw at any time; if I'm not feeling it, I can just... not engage. Relationships are different. There's an element, I think, to being trans in our modern society that is almost inherently traumatic, that leaves you with often unhealthy coping strategies, that makes you frayed and ragged and often messy. And in a relationship, am I gonna trust a cis person who doesn't really have a concept of that trauma to be able to handle it well without me having to explain or justify it? When I have an emotional meltdown over an uncomfortable interaction at the post office two days after it happens, I can trust that my trans partners will just get it, immediately, and intuitively. With a cis woman, meanwhile, no matter how compassionate she is, I feel like have to explain my complex feelings about my own gender, and the cracks in my presentation, and how that relates to society, and the kind of microaggressions I deal with, and what metastability is, and I have to trust that all this messiness won't be icky or a turnoff for her -- not just once, but throughout our relationship, as I continue to struggle to navigate this world.
I don't want to give the wrong impression, that trans people are all these fragile traumatized things that you need to treat like antique glassware. But certainly being with a trans person -- in a relationship, or just in community, gives you the freedom to comfortably be fragile, for a while, if you need to be; to trust that if you fall apart your partner will know how to put you back together because they've shared some of the same collective trauma.
-
Comment on What game do you consider an unconventional masterpiece? in ~games
Evie LinkGotta be The Cosmic Wheel Sisterhood for me. This is a really interesting one, because the amount of agency you have over the story, its structure and its themes and its ending is so dramatic that...Gotta be The Cosmic Wheel Sisterhood for me. This is a really interesting one, because the amount of agency you have over the story, its structure and its themes and its ending is so dramatic that it's almost hard to believe that the game works, or coheres, as a piece of art. The game styles itself as a VN with tarot reading as the main mechanic, in a similar vein to, like, VA-11 Hall-A or Coffee Talk, these little job simulators where you make latte art and meet characters, learning their stories as they become regulars. Only here, instead of a barista, you're an exiled witch, and instead of foam ferns you're crafting major arcana for your deck. This might be your impression during the tutorial, but the game is kind of hiding its hand here (har har).
What will eventually become clear is that every reading you perform, every throwaway interpretation of a card you choose, has a direct and significant impact on the lives of the other characters and, as the main plot unfolds, your own story; decisions that you thought were of little consequence become unimaginably significant as the game unravels. On its own, this is a neat little trick -- what you thought was a VN was also a clever choice-based RPG! You thought that the art you were making was jut the tarot cards, but in reality you were writing your own narrative, setting up your own arcs and themes, for the art that is your version of The Cosmic Wheel Sisterhood! But what propels the game to masterpiece status, for me, is that the game doesn't really want or expect you to intellectualize it in this way. It's a remarkably well written game, sentimental without being melodramatic; saturated with deep longing for a better, or at least different, world; one which might never come, or which you might make yourself. Choices are not merely consequential; they are also difficult, and meaningful, and complex, and worst of all muddy. When you draw a card with only negative interpretations, how can you look at the smiling face of the witch in front of you? How can you know which bad future they would prefer? Moreover, how will that decision affect you and your story down the line? And what were you thinking when you made that card, four hours ago? Hoping to use it against your enemies, perhaps? Well, look how that's turned out.
The complexity of these choices, the heavy feeling of responsibility attached to them, and the emotional investment the game managed to instill in me by, essentially, making my playthrough my own unique creative work combine to create an experience that doesn't feel at all video-gamey. I never felt the urge to submit my role-playing to the ruthless logic of a "right" answer or an "optimal" decision; instead, I had to sit there, with the game and the text that I had, indirectly, chosen, and just feel. That's something very special, I think.
-
Comment on Tildes Minecraft Survival Weekly in ~games
Evie Link ParentTotems from raids are available on normal, as long as your bad omen level is high enough (at least lvl 3?). Though of course you do get MORE drops from raids on hard. The other notable hard-only...Totems from raids are available on normal, as long as your bad omen level is high enough (at least lvl 3?). Though of course you do get MORE drops from raids on hard. The other notable hard-only mechanics are:
1). Zombie reinforcement. When damaged on hard mode, zombies can spawn other zombies. This can be exploited to make an absurd copper farm, for instance.
2). Slime size. For non-oozing slimeball farms, the larger average size of slimes results in higher rates. This is kind of a moot point now in 1.21
3). Mob equipment quality. Mobs are more likely to spawn with gear, including enchanted gear. This can marginally increase xp yields on some farms, as mobs with better gear drop more orbs. Very situational.
4). Spawn rate of zombified piglins from portals is increased on hard. This is SO niche it's barely worth talking about -- I believe some technical players have spun up some wacky efficient portal piglin farms with tick manipulation but generally standard roof gold farms are better for both xp and gold regardless of difficulty.
Overall, I think both normal and hard are fine choices. The only thing you're actually losing out on by staying normal is the reinforcement copper farm, which can kill servers anyway due to the way it spits in the face of the mob cap. But lower villager prices and marginally more efficient farms are also nice to have.
-
Comment on Tildes Minecraft Survival Weekly in ~games
Evie Link ParentWithout fail, whenever gravy joins the server seems to crash. Maybe he's loading something that heavily impacts performance?Without fail, whenever gravy joins the server seems to crash. Maybe he's loading something that heavily impacts performance?
-
Comment on Tildes Minecraft Survival Weekly Thread in ~games
Evie (edited )Link ParentI didn't put that there! I'm afraid I'm the intended victim of this prank -- but like a Minecraft billionaire, I'm so netherite rich at the moment that bending down to pick up this ingot would...I didn't put that there! I'm afraid I'm the intended victim of this prank -- but like a Minecraft billionaire, I'm so netherite rich at the moment that bending down to pick up this ingot would actually decrease my net worth due to the inefficiency
-
Comment on Struggling with nihilism and the inability to enjoy things in ~health.mental
Evie LinkMy answer will not be able to resolve your question, because it has been with you throughout your life. But I went through a years-long stretch where I felt almost exactly as you describe feeling....- Exemplary
My answer will not be able to resolve your question, because it has been with you throughout your life. But I went through a years-long stretch where I felt almost exactly as you describe feeling. And ultimately, there are three things you can do, when overwhelmed by that all-consuming nihilism: you can kill yourself, or you can 'prove' that life does have meaning (turn to religion, for example), or you can invent your own. I know you already said that this last is a self-defeating, illogical answer. I agree to an extent, and I also am strongly in favor of it, so please bear with me.
I tried to kill myself a bunch of times, and it didn't work out. Religion, or accepting some absolutist philosophy, didn't help either. And I was left unable or unwilling to eat, to shower, to get out of bed in the morning. I was clinically depressed, yes. And medication, and a gender transition, and getting rid of my primary stressors -- these helped, but they never got rid of the feeling that everything I was doing was just killing time, waiting for the inevitable end, the cessation of all drudgery, the long, dreamless sleep.
But, I think like you, I didn't WANT to feel that way. I wanted my human experience to mean something. I wanted to enjoy things, to see in color, for the dimensions of life that I couldn't move through to exist. And of course there is no objective value to anything, everything is irrelevant in the face of the Universe, and I have very little control over my own life. But in that desire for relevance, value, and self-actualization I think there is the seed of something that is, at least, a sort of ultimate subjective value. I wanted to enjoy art and music and conversation and I wanted to be able to sit alone with my thoughts without internally dissembling on how meaningless and miserable my life was and since I wanted those things, so so badly, I had to be willing to actually put in work to get them (I told myself). Fundamentally, though, the type of "work" (emotional labor) I decided to put in was arbitrary. Completely arbitrary.
"I want to care more about people," I told myself, "so I'll spend time talking to people, and every work of art I engage with, I'll look for insight into its characters and what drives them, and I'll do what I can to make the people around me happy." And I did this for months, not enjoying myself at all. It was, again, work. But it was also a way in, to teaching myself how to love and value the people around me, to enjoy their presence, to be... Happy, I guess. At some point, it was like a switch flipped, and my previous way of seeing the world became inaccessible to me, so distant that I almost don't believe myself when I talk about it.
Look, here's my point. In the end, all of this is pointless and soon I'll be ashes and dust. That's fine. But my experience of the world is all I have now. And if I have to make up some arbitrary bullshit to value, because it makes me happy and gives meaning to my life, that's fine. Subjective meaning is still meaning. It still contextualizes and gives relevance, even if you can't prove it with logic and axioms. But nowadays I don't even view it as arbitrary or subjective. You are not alone in this world, you are not the only speck adrift in the sea of night. Your experience of the world is not in any way special or unique, and that's beautiful. The people I love most in the entire world, when I told them how I felt, how I struggled with nihilism, they told me that they felt it too. And I tried to follow their path and they were so kind and understanding with me... When those relationships wither and die, will they erase the positive effect that they are having on me right now, in this moment? Will they render the work I put in to get to this point irrelevant?
-
Comment on Tildes Minecraft Survival - Countdown and launch day in ~games
Evie Link ParentAh sorry Mendanbar! five of us grouped up and did it this morning!Ah sorry Mendanbar! five of us grouped up and did it this morning!
-
Comment on Computer monitors that are good for watching videos? in ~tech
Evie Link ParentI'd also like to second the recommendation for this monitor, I've been using it for a while and it's really fantastic -- and I also watch movies and TV on it! No complaints. One thing you should...I'd also like to second the recommendation for this monitor, I've been using it for a while and it's really fantastic -- and I also watch movies and TV on it! No complaints. One thing you should think about is seeing if you can connect to it with DisplayPort, or at least HDMI 2.1, because older versions of HDMI won't support the monitor's resolution and refresh rate and you'll be capped at 1080p 120fps.
-
Comment on Kendrick Lamar - Not Like Us (2024) in ~music
Evie Link ParentYeah that's kind of what the beef is about. Artistically, and (from what we know of them) personally, they couldn't be much further apart. But their numbers are in the same range (Drake is the...Drake is nowhere near Kendrick
Yeah that's kind of what the beef is about. Artistically, and (from what we know of them) personally, they couldn't be much further apart. But their numbers are in the same range (Drake is the bigger artist, but the volume he puts out has a lot to do with that) and they work for the same industry, so it's kind of natural that they'd clash. When you have what seems to be a deeply personal dislike -- contempt, even -- on Kendrick's side, in hiphop's competitive culture, sparks are gonna fly. Worth noting also that it's also more Kendrick who started this beef in the public eye -- with his "Like That" verse -- and Drake who was under pressure to respond, due to his history of embarrassing losses in beefs, and J Cole folding.
-
Comment on What games have you been playing, and what's your opinion on them? in ~games
Evie Link ParentI'm not really a mobile gamer, so in my opinion most of the best-made mobile games are just gonna be premium PC games that have been ported to phones. Bloons Tower Defense 6, Slay the Spire,...I'm not really a mobile gamer, so in my opinion most of the best-made mobile games are just gonna be premium PC games that have been ported to phones. Bloons Tower Defense 6, Slay the Spire, Vampire Survivors (and its predecessor, Magic Survival) jump to mind as pretty good for brief sessions easily controllable on mobile. In the gacha space, of course there are the Hoyoverse games -- HSR, Genshin Impact, Zenless Zone Zero, and their competitors (too many to name; I personally like Reverse 1999); these are probably the highest budget productions available for phones, even including the MS Gamepass games that you can play on cloud or whatever, but come with the usual free-to-play foibles. Not really the best person to ask on this subject though; I mostly play games for the story whereas most mobile-exclusive games are engagement-farming cash grabs.
-
Comment on What games have you been playing, and what's your opinion on them? in ~games
Evie Link ParentHmm. I would at least recommend playing through the first major arc -- the one that takes place on the snow planet -- and seeing for yourself if you want to stick with the game, if the...Hmm. I would at least recommend playing through the first major arc -- the one that takes place on the snow planet -- and seeing for yourself if you want to stick with the game, if the worldbuilding, presentation, and premise grab you. As to your other question... Yes and no? The game is a live service game with daily challenges and a stamina system and only a limited time to get that character you like for your team ("so you better hurry!") But unlike most other live-service gachas, HSR is designed to mitigate FOMO to a surprising extent. Version Events (usually little chunks of side content that draw on gameplay ideas from some other genre the developers like, such as management sims or visual novels where you serve drinks) are permanent -- unlike, say, Genshin Impact where they only stick around for a couple weeks -- and you can accumulate several days' worth of stamina without it capping out, so there's not as much pressure to log in and farm for resources every single day. My partner, who got me into the game, plays it more casually on her phone and apparently has no complaints; I can mostly only vouch for the PC experience, but since the combat is a flashy, very readable turn-based affair, I've never had issues, say, doing dailies on my phone during a bus ride or whatever (account linking lets you freely switch between devices, of course).
One of the game's major selling points, maybe THE reason a lot of day one players stick around and love it so much, is the game's consistently excellent music and sound design, particularly in big setpiece moments. So when you're doing main story stuff, I recommend wearing headphones so as not to miss out! Otherwise, you know, give it a try and see what you think.
-
Comment on What games have you been playing, and what's your opinion on them? in ~games
Evie LinkThis week, I finished the version 2.3 storyline of free-to-play Chinese gacha game Honkai: Star Rail, and I’m extremely enamored by it and the arc it concludes. The writing here is very...This week, I finished the version 2.3 storyline of free-to-play Chinese gacha game Honkai: Star Rail, and I’m extremely enamored by it and the arc it concludes. The writing here is very impressive, frankly some of the best I’ve seen in a video game, and that’s a pretty high bar. HSR is structured like an episodic JRPG, where each major arc, lasting for around four major patches (6 months), takes the cast of characters to a new planet where they meet new allies, solve new crises, and explore new themes. It’s an interesting structure that, to my surprise, kind of justifies the game’s live-service content schedule. The latest arc, which takes the crew to Penacony, a Vegas and Roaring 20s-inspired dreamland in the throes of capitalist decay, boasts probably a 30-40 hour main story and as much side content again, all added as free post-launch updates. It’s hard to imagine a traditional singleplayer full-price release doing this: a major, lengthy and in my opinion very good narrative, fully playable for absolutely free, that will, of course, be followed by more major arcs with similar structure and delivery schedule.
I guess it's like a TV show, in that way: regular “seasons,” or arcs, with each “episode,” or version update, continuing the overall seasonal story while also functioning somewhat as a self-contained narrative. If you play, say, a live-service multiplayer shooter, you’ll have experienced the “content treadmill,” grinding each week, each update, in order to unlock the ability to grind more, do more of essentially the same gameplay for hundreds of hours. But Star Rail is primarily a story game, and grinding is only necessary if you want to challenge the toughest endgame content as a free-to-play player, so it feels less like I’m logging on each week because I have to (keep up with the meta) and more because I want to (see where the story goes next). So what about that story? Well, I’m a bit mixed on Star Rail’s writing and presentation as a whole. Out of the three major arcs that have happened so far (the one that was in the game at launch, and the two added so far post-launch) only one, the most recent, is really great in my opinion (the other two are.. fine, but more uneven, with high peaks and low valleys). But that newest arc, the Penaconcy arc, feels like an almost perfect realization of a strong, unified creative vision that conveys its themes really successfully.
At the start of the arc, the game poses its central question: “Why does life slumber?” It’s a sort of abstract and odd question, one that didn’t really pique my interest. But as the story progresses, you’ll meet maybe a half dozen major characters who have been confronted with the same question, whose deeply personal answers will lend it a lot of philosophical and symbolic depth. Right at the beginning, one such character poses a nihilistic thesis: “Imagine if this splendid dream were fated to fall apart… everyone, and every face they remember, the joy and the heartache; the vows sealed and those left hanging – all will inevitably march toward a predetermined ending.” It’s a telegraph of how the story might end, and it had me convinced I knew where Penacony was going. Shortly after this conversation, you enter the Penacony dreamscape for the first time – essentially, a casino-cum-outdoor mall that can only be accessed with the dream tech from Inception, and it’s pretty overwhelming. I can only really compare the feel of the environmental design here to Cyberpunk 2077. The soundscape plays a major role: brash, bombastic background music, the hum of traffic, overlapping advertisements blaring from every shop window, the slot machines dispensing their auditory dopamine. So does the side content, if you choose to engage with it: pay to nonconsensually access your acquaintances’ dreams! Use a special technique to control NPC’s emotions! Help an impoverished shop worker decide whether or not to give up on her hopeless dreams and commit symbolic suicide! In previous arcs, our main character took on the role of dumpster diver or package inspector for light, airy diversions from the story. Here, she’s instead offered the chance to be a non-consensual therapist and/or a deranged gambling addict. It’s uncomfortable stuff, honestly, contributing to the overwhelming atmosphere, and the sense that something is deeply wrong here.
So, based on the opening hours of the story, and the very effective, cohesive environmental design, you think you see where this is going (or at least, I did). “This story” (I thought) “is a cynical, nihilistic critique of capitalism and the American dream. It’s going to end with the dreamscape being destroyed, and that outcome not being such a bad thing.” Which, if the story headed that direction, as it seemed like it was going to with its opening act full of overwhelm, melancholy, and death, would have probably been fine. But now, with the arc wrapped up, I can safely say that the direction the writers took things ended up being much more interesting. By giving you this nihilistic, negative first impression, the game primes you to empathize with the secondary antagonists who want to destroy the dream. It fills you with skepticism for all of your allies who see value in the dreamscape, and what it can represent. But of course, nihilism is the breeding ground of existentialism. Skepticism of the environment pushes you to value the people in it, and the connections you form with them. So when the story eventually takes a turn towards optimism, empathy, and embracing the absurd, it is, for me, extremely striking and effective.
The story isn’t without faults, of course. It introduces a couple more characters than it probably strictly needs, due to the developers’ desire to 1). set up future arcs and 2). meet the monthly quota of saleable assets (the game is monetized by, essentially, selling playable versions of the likeable – and sometimes needlessly sexualized – characters that you meet in the story to players who didn’t save up enough in-game currency to get them for free). The pacing can be a bit weird, in that anime way where you’ll suddenly take a detour into a fluffy talent show episode during the rising action. And while the English localization is generally great, sometimes it leans a bit too flowery and metaphorical for my taste. HSR really feels like it’s trying to do this Disco Elyisum thing with its writing style, where the dialogue just dances on the edge of purple and pretentious, in a very self- aware and self-indulgent way, and usually it works, but sometimes it’s not so deft and the complexity of the writing obfuscates some point instead of illuminating it. To me, though, these issues are essentially cosmetic. HSR’s Penacony arc manages to tell an extremely cohesive postmodern story with some really strong characters and a refreshingly hopeful, empathetic and pro-human tone. It manages to be alternatively funny and profound; to embrace sentimentality without turning a blind eye to the problems facing modern society.
Maybe the best thing about Honkai: Star Rail is that it’s doing something that no one else in the gaming space really is. The episodic structure that it uses gives the writers and designers a lot of space to explore different ideas, aesthetics, and themes. It fosters community discussion (much like a weekly TV show release schedule does). And it allows the story to stay surprisingly current, even to reference memes before they get stale (for better and for worse, HSR is the only game I’ve played that seems to really get Zoomer humor). As a whole, the game is… well, it’s hard to recommend. If you have an addictive personality, or poor spending control, you should not play it. If you have low tolerance for messy pacing and uneven quality between arcs, you might not enjoy your time with the game. But personally, as a low spender staying current with the story without really stressing about the endgame combat challenges (the best way to play this type of game, probably) I’ve been really moved by the game and am very interested to see where it goes next.
-
Comment on Read the US Supreme Court’s ruling on immunity in ~news
Evie LinkSo I'm no lawyer, but having read the decision and Sotamayor's and Barret's dissents (I could not give less of a shit about whatever drivel Thomas wrote), this is about what we expected, right?...So I'm no lawyer, but having read the decision and Sotamayor's and Barret's dissents (I could not give less of a shit about whatever drivel Thomas wrote), this is about what we expected, right? The president being granted partial immunity -- particularly, immunity covering "official acts," whatever that means. The court speculates on which of the Jan 6 indictments address official acts and which might not, and remands to the district court to make that judgement -- a delay tactic, yes, but it also means that the prosecution isn't fully dead in the water on some counts. Barret's partial dissent is pretty interesting, I think. She has a narrower view of presidential immunity than the rest of the conservative justices; In particular, she argues that even if official acts aren't prosecutable, they should be allowed to be introduced as evidence in prosecution for unofficial acts. The liberal dissent is pretty scathing, of course, and worth a read. But it will of course, like all strongly worded opinions from the liberals, do nothing to slow this nation's slide into authoritarianism.
-
Comment on Tildes Minecraft Survival - Returning blockier than ever on Friday July 12th (1.21 update) in ~games
Evie Link ParentOh my god yes to the concrete one. If I never have to spend two hours painstakingly hand-converting multiple shulkers of concrete powder again it will be too soonOh my god yes to the concrete one. If I never have to spend two hours painstakingly hand-converting multiple shulkers of concrete powder again it will be too soon
-
Comment on Pride Month at Tildes: #5 - Ask almost anything in ~lgbt
Evie (edited )Link ParentYeah this is a tough question, one that I, personally, have struggled with. First, though, I personally disgagree with you about the meaning of the word "deadname." To me it carries the...- Exemplary
Yeah this is a tough question, one that I, personally, have struggled with. First, though, I personally disgagree with you about the meaning of the word "deadname." To me it carries the connotation that the old name itself is what's dead, devalued, no longer in use -- not the person to whom it belonged. I've also heard people argue that the term was coined because trans people would have to know their friends' given names because that's the name their families would bury them other; I can't find a source for this claim other than Twitter, though, and frankly it sounds a little too tragic and romantic to be believable. Happy to be proven wrong.
Etymology aside, I have often wondered: am I now the same person I was five years ago, before I started transitioning? Or have I become someone else entirely?? I think the easy, safe, and assimilationist answer to your question is this: no, thecardguy, you're wrong! I'm not a new person, I've just changed a lot! And it's totally normal for your relationship to someone to change as they evolve and grow. If you're a parent, and your kid goes through puberty, is the connection you built with them when they were an adolescent gone? No, because that history is still there. But you will have to treat them differently, as they grow up, because teens and young adults are different from preteens, and their wants and needs change! And it's just the same with trans people! As someone transitions, they will change a lot. Probably, the way you feel about them will change, too. Pre- and early-transition trans people can be pretty awkward and cringey (I say this with love) as they figure themselves out -- just like a teen going through puberty! And you will have to treat them differently, because a trans woman, say, has different needs than a cis man. But that's just life! And I don't see how transition is different from any other big change in life :)
So, like I said, this is probably the right answer to your question, or at least, the one that feels the least transgressive, but personally I've been getting very dissatisfied with it. I look back on my pre-transition self and I don't recognize him as me. We are so, so different, he and I. Sure, on the high level we have a couple overlapping interests. He liked writing and video games, and so do I. But that's about where the similarities stop. My sense of style is different. I cry all the time now; he never did. I love postmodern art; he thought it was a load of hooey. I'm perfectly happy cooking, cleaning, and being a homemaker; he was ambitious and driven and wanted to be a lawyer. I'm a lesbian now; he was mostly into men. I am almost unbearably earnest; he was a sarcastic asshole. I only talk to two people that I knew pre-transition; every other relationship faded away or died in violent fashion. The way I think is completely different, so much so that I can't even begin to describe the shift in a way that would be comprehensible. And I look back on my pre-transition self, and I think about my transition, and I fail to see any continuity. I don't understand how that lead to this. Honestly, I wonder how real my pre-transition self really was. Was I actually like that? Or did I construct a personality to appeal to societal notions of what a man should be, what I should be? Complicating all this is that I started transitioning when I was 20 -- and most people change a lot in their early-to-mid twenties. I don't have a control group. Would I have changed so dramatically over the past half-decade even if I wasn't trans? Maybe the old me really is dead, and I just gradually replaced him plank by plank, never quite realizing that I had become someone else entirely.
Anyway, card guy, I think this is probably a bad answer to your question. I don't have any advice for you or your hypothetical future child. How the hell should transition be handled? Probably, you should take the first, uncomplicated answer. Treat it like any other change. Be sensitive, and a safe space for your kid or whoever to be vulnerable and a little cringey, and recognize that if your relationship changes, hell, if you drift apart, that's neither of your faults. Sometimes it happens. This is a good approach, and probably you shouldn't let my quarter-life psychodrama dissuade you from it. But I do want to validate your feeling that transition is somehow different than other major life events -- that this isn't necessarily some bigoted assumption that you're bringing to the table. I mean, I can hardly imagine what it would feel like to build a relationship with someone for twenty years, only to discover that that person might never have existed at all, that they might have been an unwittingly constructed facade. And for that scenario, I don't really have any idea how to deal with it.
You do have to punch it a few times in quick succession to break it? My stands were locked for sure!
I will be killing you of course ☺️