14 votes

What is the most pedantic, arrogant, obnoxious answer for the sentence "Good morning!" you can think of?

Title. Treat this thread as a writing exercise, so please use quotes (or something to that effect) and don't throw shade at anyone that might read it!

14 comments

  1. [2]
    sharpstick
    Link
    “What do you mean?” he said. “Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?”...

    “What do you mean?” he said. “Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?” - Gandalf

    20 votes
    1. lou
      Link Parent
      Gandalf, philosopher of language.

      Gandalf, philosopher of language.

      2 votes
  2. stu2b50
    Link
    “Good” is not a verb, nor is “morning” unless your parents have died recently, in which case I’d image it’s not very good right now.

    “Good” is not a verb, nor is “morning” unless your parents have died recently, in which case I’d image it’s not very good right now.

    8 votes
  3. kyotja
    Link
    I must say I'd never say any of these, but I enjoy the exercise! "Good morning!" "If you kept your subjective assessments quietly in your gob and didn't bother me, I might enjoy the quiet and...

    I must say I'd never say any of these, but I enjoy the exercise!

    "Good morning!"

    "If you kept your subjective assessments quietly in your gob and didn't bother me, I might enjoy the quiet and share your sentiment - but you do not and thus I do not."

    8 votes
  4. [3]
    vord
    Link
    How's that?

    Ugh, it's already lunchtime and the help already thinks they can speak to me.

    How's that?

    7 votes
    1. [2]
      lou
      Link Parent
      Obnoxiousness: 10 Arrogance: 8.5 Pedantism: 0 Final score: 6.1 Good effort, but I know you have a lot more to offer.

      Obnoxiousness: 10
      Arrogance: 8.5
      Pedantism: 0
      Final score: 6.1

      Good effort, but I know you have a lot more to offer.

      5 votes
      1. vord
        Link Parent
        I was hoping the 'lunchtime' captured the "It's not morning" tone. Hmmm.... I don't know if I can do better with a one-liner. A small scene. A: "Good morning, welcome to BurgerPlace!" B: "Can I...

        I was hoping the 'lunchtime' captured the "It's not morning" tone. Hmmm.... I don't know if I can do better with a one-liner. A small scene.

        A: "Good morning, welcome to BurgerPlace!"
        B: "Can I get a breakfast sandwich?"
        A: "No, we stop serving breakfast at-"
        B: "Well it's not really, morning then is it?"
        A: "I guess not, what can I get you?"
        B: "Your manager"

        6 votes
  5. ThatFanficGuy
    Link
    "Don't you have laundry to do?" I think this needs Meryl Streep delivering it to really work.

    "Don't you have laundry to do?"

    I think this needs Meryl Streep delivering it to really work.

    6 votes
  6. hamstergeddon
    Link
    "Yeah? What's so 'morning' about it?"

    "Yeah? What's so 'morning' about it?"

    6 votes
  7. patience_limited
    (edited )
    Link
    "It isn't morning for at least 50% of humanity, and I'll thank you not to judge its quality in advance of the experience." (Hand this role to Benedict Cumberbatch while he mangles Holmes.)

    "It isn't morning for at least 50% of humanity, and I'll thank you not to judge its quality in advance of the experience."

    (Hand this role to Benedict Cumberbatch while he mangles Holmes.)

    6 votes
  8. herson
    Link
    What's good about them?

    What's good about them?

    4 votes
  9. meme
    Link
    side prompt: neil degrasse tyson responding to "good morning" by giving a snotty lecture about astronomical time

    side prompt: neil degrasse tyson responding to "good morning" by giving a snotty lecture about astronomical time

    4 votes
  10. moocow1452
    Link
    "Not really, nothing to mourn about."

    "Not really, nothing to mourn about."

    3 votes
  11. wervenyt
    Link

    Oh, well, good morning, of course, one supposes, though mine has not been quite what one would typically label as "good", and, already, the sun rests immediately above our crowns, so I'm not quite certain by what terms you mean to judge this not-so-good, not-so-morning. Now, to think of it, one did say "of course" earlier, and perhaps, in light of a greater and more complete conception of your paltry "greeting", one would not wish such an insipid intercourse upon their worst enemy. As such, one bids adieu, farewell, my might-have-been friend.

    3 votes