Using the menstrual cup and open menstrual discussion
I'm a female working in the construction field and was wondering how to dispose of my feminine products discreetly and hygienically in a portable potty with a crew full of males where male toxicity exists... 'twas weird.
I've been meaning to make the jump to the menstrual cup (due to my sustainability inclinations), but due to laziness/squeamish reasons, I didn't make the jump until I realized how practical it was with my profession!
I'm able to keep it in for a half day before emptying, so it's awesome for the jobsite! I can urinate with it too! which is also awesome... and! NO SMELL! I feel so much cleaner now. and the internal pressure kinda releases some cramps... not all the cramps, but some! And it's totally comfortable to work out in (for reference: I do outdoor running). Not to mention, there's way less waste and cost! (And for those who find bodily fluids cool, the thick, deep, dark red that you see when you empty makes me feel powerful, like you can conquer anything... in reality, I just sit with my Chimmy plush and wait for my significant other to plop chocolate goodies in my lap.)
The only downside I could find is that it took some time to get used to (about 1 cycle) and I can't hold my pee (I know I'm not suppose to anyway, but it's a nice privilege... these pipes had some major damage).
Anyway, any cycle stories/tips/tricks? embarrassing moments? origin story?
I'll go first, my mom was in a ferocious fight with my older sister for spending the night with some guy or whatever. As my mom was ripping my sister's clothes/throwing her out the house, I got my first period. I had to interrupt the fight to ask what I should do... middle child problems! I guess I found a good way to break up a fight...
Omg! I just finished a cycle but I've been really thinking about switching from tampons to a reusable cup, I just don't have much of a clue as to what's out there (research time, yay!). But it's great to hear about the alternatives out there and to hear success with a cup, it's something I'm hoping for, for myself.
Periods are so annoying and the hush hush secret way they've been addressed for so long is stupid. I started my period when I was 11 and it was fucking awful. I went to the bathroom and saw some light blood, went to my mom and said I think I started my period and she was all like "Yay omg!! Welcome to womanhood!" and one of my brothers was nearby so he groaned and was like "Gross mom I don't want to hear about this." but either way my mom and one of my sisters were like weirdly upbeat about it. I guess that's better than the alternative. But I mention period stuff being hush hush because outside of my house it wasn't something girls talked about and it was just a really hard thing to talk about in general, especially as a middle schooler!? There was so much shame for me, it was a hard fucking time. Puberty is a bastard.
As far as period products go, tampons leave a lot to be desired, in part because of how much fucking plastic waste they create, both the wrappers and the applicators, and also like, having to pull out a tampon that hasn't been in long enough is a form of torture I do not wish upon anyone. The scraping of damp cotton in a vagina is the top ten worst things to have to feel in your body.
First tip I have is get a heating pad. My cramps were bearable until I got an IUD and they became like 10x worse. I have a decently sized heating pad so when bad cramps hit I slap my damn heating pad on top of my uterus and it helps immensely.
Secondary tip, if you don't already, get a period tracker. Most of em are shit so definitely "shop" around for one that suits your needs. I use Flo and ignore all the misc. BS that some with it. It's just good to know your body and useful medical information, knowing when you had your last period.
Sorry, this post seems a bit all over the place, but it's super duper important to hear about others experiences one, because it shows who's going through what you're going through and two, it's something that for so long has mostly only been talked about behind heavily closed doors. Lots of people have periods and there's a lot of variation, so expanding the conversation is great!
OMG! You don't apologize for your "long" post. There's so much to talk about here, so please feel free to share your experience! I love being open about my bodily experience, but hate it when there's a cringe moment with those around me. I like removing the stigma on such a normal thing.
For reference, I use the Cora Menstrual Cup. I haven't used anything else, so I can't say I recommend it.
Yes, to heating pad! I bought my friend one! It's magic!
Going off of what you said about pulling out a tampon that hasn't been in for too long: do not pull the menstrual cup out without pinching the bottom section/releasing the suction. Ohh, the suction pain! It felt like my insides were being vacuumed out of me! I'd definitely recommend reading the instructions, it tells you how to easily remove the cup. And definitely try and remain relaxed and breathe through the removal process, it's harder to remove when you clench.
Haha, okay very true! I take back my apology lol. Yeah being able to have these open conversations is super duper nice. That's the best part about getting older for me is that my friends and I are less, bashful I suppose, about these kinds of personal talks. Being open about your bodily experience is super great!! More talk, less stigma!!
Oof yeah that's a good slice of advice that I'll keep in mind. I'll look into the Cora Menstrual Cup! I'm hoping I get lucky on my first go 'round of finding a cup that works for me but we'll just have to see how that goes. It's so great to hear about others' experiences!
Bleeding is the worst. I can drop my pants and pee anywhere, no shame, but when I used to menstruate that wasn't really an option. I mean it was, because there was no choice. Used pads or tampons often went into my pocket until I could dispose of them on a lunch break or the end of day. I started wearing black pants for the sole reason of bleed through not being noticeable. I remember how proud of myself I was when I figured out how to use an extra absorbent tampon with an overnight pad and make it to lunch with only a little blood on the panties. I've done a lot of jobs in fields where porta potties aren't close, and if they were they didn't have anyplace to dispose of feminine products. It took me a long time to just dump my products in the hole and not care. Like what was I afraid of, some guy looking at it as he shit or pissed on top of it, lol.
I was just beginning menopause when the cup came on the scene, but I totally would have used it if it had been available, with a pad of course, just in case.
Embarrassing moments? Having to pick just one is hard, so I'll pick this one, not embarrassing so much as when your girl has your back. I was out with my girlfriend when my period came on and it came on with a vengeance, blood dripping down my leg, the toilet paper wad not staying in place, we're drunk as shit. We'd been bar hopping and were about an hour or more away from home by L. My girl had her most prized possession, her fur coat, which she lent me to bleed into as we sat on the train to get home. I never saw the coat again, and we never spoke about it, but I've always felt a bit of guilt about the entire thing. Lisa, I am sorry I ruined your coat. Thank you for taking care of my dignity.
On an unrelated note, police have never found the body of a woman who was presumed to be gruesomely axe murdered in a New York subway station.
I actually use tampons with a plastic applicator right now because any other kind is too painful to put in. I guess I'm not a good candidate for menstrual cups because there are some fleshy, foldy bits that partially cover my vaginal opening. It's hard to explain, but basically if I'm not aroused, I have to gingerly shimmy and wiggle past those bits because pushing at them from the wrong angle is painful. I know tampons with plastic applicators are terrible for the environment but it seems I was cursed with a heavy flow so if I try to wear pads alone, every time I lean the wrong way blood tries to trickle out the sides.
I think it's really cool you feel empowered by your period. Sadly mine is only a source of resentment and annoyance for me, I guess partially because of my attitude and partially because I tend to get insane periods. They can last 2+ weeks straight, and not even a light 2 weeks, like 2 weeks of cramps and heavy bleeding. No doctor can tell me why it happens and the only cure they know of is to put me on BC, which gives me migraines. You have no idea how much research I've done on the pros and cons of electively having your uterus removed lmao.
I hear you about the foldy bits. My trick for using a menstrual cup was to keep a bottle of water-based lube in the shower, and insert the cup using that if needed. Easier cleanup and handling all around, but be sure to apply the lube to yourself, not the cup or the hand you're holding it with - lubed silicone is slippery as anything.
Also, depending on which cup, it's usually possible to fold the opening to a different shape for somewhat easier insertion - it's not like using a sharp-edged rigid cardboard tube.
Heavy bleeding is a real nightmare - I couldn't donate blood until now because I was chronically anemic no matter what. Menstruation is totally weird as an evolutionary strategy, and medical science hasn't come close to encompassing all the diverse manifestations of female gender. In my case, oral contraceptives at least confined it to five days, and helped with PMS migraines and other problems.
The people I've been acquainted with who had >1 week bleeding usually got diagnosed with fibroids or endometriosis eventually. It's worth pursuing this with your doctor, or changing doctors if they're not taking your health seriously.
It's quite irritating how I can't get an OBGYN to take my medical problems seriously. I've moved to a large city so I hope I'll be able to find someone who wants to investigate the problem. So far I've had like 4 different OBGYNs do a quick exam or some bloodwork only to tell me there is no way of knowing what's wrong.
Lube might actually work, especially since I'm working from home these days. I could compromise and use a menstrual cup on days I was home or wouldn't be out for longer than 8 hours, and earth destroying tampons on the other days. Also lmao I instinctively cringed when you mentioned the cardboard applicator, I have no idea how people use those without getting papercuts to their vaginas!
It's really ugly to have what seems like an obvious problem that doctors won't address, and I'm sorry you have to deal with that. The medical diagnostic definition of menorrhagia (excessive menstrual bleeding) seems very restrictive to me - bleeding so fast that you soak through a tampon or pad in less than two hours, persistent anemia, bleeding > 1 week, etc., but it sounds like you have it.
In the absence of a diagnosed underlying physical issue, I don't know your feelings about hormonal contraception, but as I said, it was a huge relief for me, and the options have gotten better.
I had a really awkward experience with menstruation, in part for reasons previously discussed elsewhere here, and in part because my parents thought it was fine to just leave literature around and not discuss or support anything. I think /u/eve is a contemporary, and it seems we both suffered through the "hush hush" era.
When I started bleeding, my mother basically just tossed me an old-fashioned napkin belt and expected me to borrow from her supply of napkins the size you'd expect for an emergency room hemorrhage pack. I'd see the TV commercials about women gleefully swimming, riding horses, or just existing trouble-free, and wonder what the hell was wrong with me. It was completely untenable to wear pants with those giant napkins or carry them around discreetly. Mandatory school swim classes were a horror, and constantly borrowing tampons was an utter humiliation.
Most of my adolescent years were spent broke and making tampons out of rolled toilet paper*, which was free and almost always available if not FDA-approved. In college, I adopted a cup the instant I had enough spare cash, and never looked back. I'd carry spare tampons around just so I could help a sister out, but never used one again.
Monthly cycles were just a never-ending carnival of what doctors refer to as "symptoms" - pre-menstrual migraines, depression, irritability, acne, bloating, body aches, anemia, fatigue... about two weeks of decreased productivity and health every month. Not enough to put me behind the guys, though. ;-)
I was one of the fortunate people who had substantial relief from the right oral contraceptive hormone combination. It took about four tries to get something that worked without undue side effects, but smoother sailing for many years after. I never tried the newer "no period"-formulated pill packs, but I hear they're great.
A few findings from 20+ years of cup use:
Typical capacity is around 50 ml, and the closer it is to full, the more likely it is to leak. Due to the design, which relies partially on gravity to keep blood in the cup, leakage is a lot more likely when you're lying down; always empty the cup before bed.
Cup handling and emptying is vastly easier in the shower than on the toilet. You can create a healthy and safe routine of washing your hands and external genitals before touching the cup. It can be easier to remove, clean, and insert the cup while you're standing, you can use and clean up water-based lube if needed, and it's simple to wash away blood spillage down the drain.
Empty and clean the cup at least every 8 - 12 hours if possible, no matter how much or little you're bleeding. I've been dumb enough to wear a cup all day or longer without emptying, and blood rots quickly at body temperature. The smell is slaughterhouse ghastly, and it's a toxic shock syndrome risk.
Hand sanitizer gel wiping with tissue, followed by a thorough water rinse, is a great way to clean a solid silicone menstrual cup outside the shower, especially useful for camping or long days of labor. As noted above, I'd do a deeper clean on the cup after each monthly cycle, using a vinegar boil, hydrogen peroxide soak, or even dishwashing and rinsing. I'd say you don't need to buy expensive cup washes, but I can't comment on newer soft silicone cups that may be less impervious.
Be extra careful with cleaning and handling the cup if you're prone to yeast or UTI's. I found out the hard way that washing my hands and/or the cup with antibacterial soap often left residues that contributed to yeast superinfections. Use plain soap, hand sanitizer, or cup wash, and rinse carefully.
Get used to handling your own genitalia - it's not shameful, disgusting, or dangerous with basic sanitation. If you've got to stick a finger or two in your vagina to situate a cup comfortably and securely, that's what cup use might require. You can try other cups, but even if you have to fiddle a bit, it's still worthwhile compared to other methods of menstruation management.
With a properly fitted and inserted cup, you can do absolutely anything - swim, bike, work all day without worry, wear white pants if that's your fashion whim.
My last period was 5 months ago - fingers-crossed I can settle into crone-hood without worrying again.
*For emergencies, use a 10-square length of toilet paper, fold in half once to 5 squares long, fold in half lengthwise, then roll and insert unfolded side up. With soft two-ply paper, this is equivalent to a medium-high capacity commercial tampon.
Footnote: As /u/eve mentioned, period tracker apps are a small miracle, especially if you don't have a super-regular cycle. It can be really helpful for mental health, healthcare, career, and relationships to be able to predict when you're likely to have a bad day.
Congrats on 5 months, and here's to many more! I used a cup for decades, but actually tossed mine away just the other day because I haven't needed it for almost two years. Not like you can pass it on to someone. I kind of wanted to bury it or give it a little ceremony or something, but my prosaic side won out and into the garbage it went.
I'm totally not going to miss menstruation, and I'll need to look into giving my cup a ceremonial farewell!
I'm not sure there's anything which really prepares young women for the idea that they may have 30 - 50 years of menstrual cycles. In a state of nature, women have far fewer periods because they're either pregnant or nursing (or starving!) for many of those years. Modern civilization brings us more episodes of this particular discontent, and on balance, it's worth enduring until something better comes along. There's a cool award-winning science fiction short story by Connie Willis, "Even the Queen", that explores what society might look like if menstruation wasn't a problem.
I've learned more about my body in the last 10 years than I had in the previous 40 thanks to the internet. With that said, I had no idea the Diva cup had been around 20+ years. How could I have missed that? And oh my gosh I remember the napkin belts. I too always felt like there was something wrong me since I never felt carefree in those things. I hope they sit squarely in the past where they belong.
I was lucky enough to settle into crone-hood fairly easily. The hardest thing for me was when I was still in perimenopause. I'd go a few months without my period, and then suddenly I would get super depressed and hate myself and my life, then I would start menstruating. Previously I had grown accustom to my PMS symptoms and knew I would feel that way once a month and could manage it, but not having a regular period during those time, made the onset of those feelings have no context. Other than that though I drew the lucky card and it's freaking amazing not having to worry about the whole mess anymore.
It's funny - menstrual cups were first invented around 1932, and the first commercial latex rubber cup, the Keeper, came out in the 1980's.
Menstrual cups are a true example of capitalist market failure. They're so durable and cheap to manufacture, such a utility improvement, and safer than other products when adequate sanitary facilities are available. There's little money for marketing, entrenched markets for disposable products, and few side channels for continuing revenue (special cup washes are basically the only recurring expense, and unnecessary). As the Wiki entry notes, it's only recently that adequate acceptance and safety studies have taken place.
I found out about the Diva Cup, one of the first medical-grade silicone devices, from a small-distribution lesbian feminist magazine, On Our Backs, in the early 1990's. Goodness knows, the Internet would have helped those who didn't have access to such esoteric information channels!
Crone-hood is a process? One of the many untold details about female reproduction is that menopause isn't a sudden cutoff. After a couple of years of worse period symptoms and heavier bleeding, and a year of erratic periods (sometimes a couple of months between, sometimes a week!), I still have what seems like a hormonal cycle complete with PMS, just no bleeding now. The period tracker app has been really handy because I can see the days of increasing bloating, followed by depression, headaches, acne, etc.
One of the things that really struck me in med school was just how badly these things are researched and communicated. It's not like women could receive a well-prepared user's manual based on sound science. Even the best texts and popular layperson's books were based on anecdote, empiricism, and folklore. It's easy to talk about the "death of expertise", but women's health is an area where the experts still don't really have a solid leg to stand on, from my continued reading.
Guy here, and first point ... if I'm intruding, just say so.
Asking for a cup-curious friend ... the cups aren't cheap, and I assume you can't return them after trying them? I know there are sites to help figure this out but ... how hard is it to get the right size/fit? If you're new, how can you tell if it's the wrong size, or if you're just not putting it in right?
ETA: Thanks everyone ... passing this whole thread along to my friend.
You are right that you can't really return them. Some companies will refund you though.
I'd recommend looking for a company that sells multiple different cups (different sizes, softness, etc.). If your first one doesn't work out then you can contact the company and you might be able to get a different one of their products for free or a discount. After all my initial research, I started with the Saalt Soft Small cup thinking it had to be perfect, but then learned that my vagina must be super strong because I can easily push that cup right out of myself even with it placed properly and sealed. I tried it for 3 cycles, as per Saalt's recommendation, then sent them an email asking for their recommendation of what to try next. They offered to send me their Saalt Small Regular cup and it ended up working out really well for me!
Beyond that, just doing a ton of research. The Put a Cup in It website and youtube channel are super helpful. They've got a quiz you can take that will recommend options based on your cervix height (actually measure it during your period, don't just say you don't know - it's super important for fit!!), age, birth history, activity level, flow, etc. You'll know if it's not the right size if it won't open, won't fit inside you, or gets high enough up that it's hard to get out.
Also I guess when I say "you" regarding the cup details I'm referring to your friend lol, you is just much shorter to type than your friend.
It's a mainly curiosity question at this point, as I've made it to late perimenopause, but I'm wondering what the expected use life is for the newer cups. My old reliable Diva Cup was made out of a relatively stiff and impervious silicone that held up like a champ. Twenty-plus years of wear and occasional scrubbing, boiling in vinegar solution, soaking in peroxide, or even running through the dishwasher (not manufacturer-recommended, but seemingly fine for removing persistent blood staining) never caused any apparent change.
The newer cups may be more comfortable, but I suspect that the softer materials might not wear as well.
My wife followed the sites to get a rough feel, and got one, perhaps got lucky on first try. Ended up getting a larger one after childbirth.
They're pricey, but considering that 2 of them will largely obviate the need for tampons/pads (having them still a good idea for backup), they'll pay for themselves in short order.
I started using a Diva cup when they were relatively new, and only came in two sizes - pre- and post-childbearing. The only adjustment was that you could cut the tubular extension for removing the cup to a length that wouldn't rub uncomfortably.
From a sample size of one, I can't tell you that this would work for all cases. However, I found the minimal discomfort of wear, and squirming for insertion, such a vast improvement over all other options that I didn't care enough to switch when more customizable fits became available.
Also, even at $30+ each, they're cheaper than a single year of disposable tampons and napkins (f*ck the pink tax). With good care, I got more than 20 years of use from a single silicone cup.
Your period could not have been any more timely, wonder if your sister rememebers that moment.
Menstrual cups are great, even if the learning curve is steep. Congratulations on the discovery! It's still a very new concept over here but I'm glad more women are trying them out.
I don't have a lot of period stories but I grew up in an all-girls Catholic school and there was zero shame to be had in that enviroment. Every classroom had hydrogen peroxide and you could scream "Got any pads?" anywhere and three girls' hands would be up and ready to pass you whatever you need. There's even a way of tucking the pleats of your uniform just so as to hide any spotting. The guy teachers just learned to accept it. Good times. I inadvertently learned so much about cleaning blood stains, a murderer would be proud.
Hello fellow cup user - I'm glad they are working so well for you! Next week will be my 5th cycle with the cup - so far 3 with the Saalt Soft (too soft for me) and 1 with the Saalt Regular (seems pretty perfect). Hoping it continues to work well because I'll be on a road trip (I'm moving) during my worst day!
My tips tricks and stories -
Even if you have a cup fold that works decent for you, find a video of the like 7 different folds and try some more out. I found that while the punch down fold would work for me, the seven fold was way more effective for my body!
Last month I dropped my cup in the toilet. Luckily it was a clean toilet, but after using cup wash like 12 times and boiling it for 20 minutes I decided it was safe to use again. 0/10 experience, do not recommend. Be careful with removal lol.
When I was using the soft cup I was able to basically flex it out of my body, which was kinda wild!
Was anyone else super embarrassed by opening pads in the bathroom when they first got their period? I'd try to open them so quietly but the packaging is so damn loud. I think by the end of high school I accepted and embraced the chorus of ripping caused by a pad and just went for it.
Am a guy, but reading this reminded me of the first time I realized just how profoundly my mother's childhood has been shaped by her conservative Catholic upbringing. She told me how her mother got immensely angry when she asked what was happening to her body when she first menstruated, and eventually she had to resort to asking her older sisters in secret. Instead of ending a fight, her innocent and important question started a huge one. Made me appreciate so much more the open style of communication my parents had with me and my brother.