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    1. Should I quit smoking right now, or wait?

      I'm an on-again off-again smoker, currently (the past 4-5 months) on-again. Been meaning to requit, but it's been much harder for me this time. Here's the crux. Two of my roommates just tested...

      I'm an on-again off-again smoker, currently (the past 4-5 months) on-again. Been meaning to requit, but it's been much harder for me this time.

      Here's the crux. Two of my roommates just tested positive (for Covid). Not guaranteed, but it's a good bet that, within another 2-3 days, all 5 of us will be symptomatic.

      Am I better off quitting right now, or will that just put added stress on my lungs during the coming illness, and I should wait until after I recover (always assuming I survive it, of course)?


      ETA: Y'all are shooting holes in my, apparently, flimsy justifications to keep smoking. Just switched to vaping now.

      Thanks everyone.

      15 votes
    2. Flustering quickly, often escalating to panic

      I get very confused and urgent and it can be many minutes before I understand that I'm arguing from nothing but internal stress. It's a maddening habit that everyone around me finds repulsive. I...

      I get very confused and urgent and it can be many minutes before I understand that I'm arguing from nothing but internal stress. It's a maddening habit that everyone around me finds repulsive. I have thought that it would be possible to make friends who could help to intervene when I am losing polite perspective, but I am not sure if this expectation has ever really functioned. I don't want to disavow any responsibility in telling my friends they have to jump in on my frequent malfunctions, that sounds unfair. But I'm not making much progress on getting over myself by myself. What to do.

      7 votes
    3. How open should I be with potential employers about my mental illness struggles?

      For the past 3 years I haven't worked in any full-time job because I've been trying to sort my mental illness problems and I started a new Master's degree. Now that I am working on my thesis and...

      For the past 3 years I haven't worked in any full-time job because I've been trying to sort my mental illness problems and I started a new Master's degree. Now that I am working on my thesis and my savings are running out, I want and need to find a job.

      The problem is that my mental health still isn't where I wanted it to be. I don't think I can work 8h per day. For example right now I'm trying new medication and after around 3 hours of focused work I get tired and sleepy.

      I've been applying to many jobs and I feel I'm close to getting one as I'm having multiple interviews per week. So far I've explained the gap in my resume as being severely I'll and needing time to get treatment. But I never tell interviewers exactly what my issues are or that I'm still figuring out how to be at the level of a normal person.

      I've been hearing a podcast about a guy who faces the same issues as me and his strategy was to be upfront with his employer and tell them when he is entering a dark period and needs to work less. He works in the effective altruism industry which I think is very different from the rest. I think that if I am as upfront as he is I wouldn't get a single interview.

      Tell me what you think. Thanks.

      14 votes
    4. Is a massage gun worth getting?

      I can't tell if items like the Hypervolt or Theragun are actually worth the money or if I'm just seeing a lot of marketing hype. Anyone here have any experience/knowledge about them they want to...

      I can't tell if items like the Hypervolt or Theragun are actually worth the money or if I'm just seeing a lot of marketing hype. Anyone here have any experience/knowledge about them they want to share?

      I'm interested in loosening up tight muscles, as well as soothing sore muscles from workouts.

      12 votes
    5. Who am I?

      I'm constantly torn between things. It's like I never have a strong opinion or stance on things. It's like I don't have an identity or values. This has become difficult to sustain mentally....

      I'm constantly torn between things. It's like I never have a strong opinion or stance on things. It's like I don't have an identity or values. This has become difficult to sustain mentally.

      Example #1. I despise Instagram because of the way it transformed people's behavior and because of its privacy abuses. For these reasons, I refuse to have an Instagram account and I don't participate in it. At the same time, Instagram is admittedly essential in today's social life, so I feel I am missing out.

      Example #2. Sometime in the past, I got interested in climate change. I read books, papers, articles... You name it. I changed my lifestyle to better align with the values I had internalized. I started preaching others about the real threat of climate change, about the need for action by everyone. Now, years later, I don't care about all that any more. I believe doom is inevitable, and that there's nothing we can do about it. So I stopped pretending.

      Example #3. I've been an open source enthusiast for quite some time now. This means I run open source software wherever I can. This idea got to the point where I refused to use any software that was not open source, much like a vegan does with food. No WhatsApp, Spotify, Microsoft Office, ...basically any popular software that everybody uses. Over time, I got tired, and stopped caring about open source that much. I'm even thinking about going all-in Apple now (yes, one of the worst enemies of open source you can think of).

      You should have a general idea of how it works by now. One day I'm a diehard Linux enthusiast, the next I don't care at all. One day I delete my social media accounts, the next I create them anew. Not literally the next day, but there's always an internal conflict or a straight U-turn with regard to what I believe in, or what I stand for.

      Especially examples #2 and #3 could be generalized to any hobby, habit or interest I pick up. They eventually fade out or are replaced by other things. Things I strongly believe in suddenly lose their meaning or value.

      I don't know who I am, or what I stand for. What's wrong with me?

      I'm not even sure I'm saying something that makes sense. Maybe I'm just conflating totally unrelated issues about myself in one single post.

      13 votes
    6. Medication for depression

      Hello my lovelies, I struggle with a moderate amount of anxiety and obsession with self-image, which tend to amalgamate as some kind of depression or other over time. At least I think they do....

      Hello my lovelies,

      I struggle with a moderate amount of anxiety and obsession with self-image, which tend to amalgamate as some kind of depression or other over time. At least I think they do. I've never really been sure if what I experience is actually depression, or if I'm just a Mopey Idiot, or if I have a more acute cognitive issue that I'm not aware of.

      I keep very precise semi-quantitative logs of my mood and behavior every day, and they suggest to me that some of my stress is related to being a little overloaded. I'm working on cutting back on some of that responsibility. But it's also extremely obvious to me that, for quite some time—I think since about early October 2019—I've lacked the physical energy that typically allows me to be consistently happy. There was no one, singular "proximate cause" two years ago, certainly it was none of my actual obligations (at that time I had very little work to speak of). However, I nevertheless very distinctly remember that my energy was suddenly just sapped, and has not come back to the level it was at before. The best theory I have is that it might've been a mini-existential crisis triggered immediately by some books I'd been reading, with a background of relatively more social isolation than usual. There have been specific circumstances since then in which I can be high-energy (and I mean be, not just act like I am), but they are fleeting and rare. The overall background energy of my life has been different.

      In short, I do not really have a solid anchor per se, even as I have many little mini-anchors. I have been floating around for a while as a result.

      At least that has been my working theory for a little while. The persistence of my condition has led me to question whether that theory is useful, or whether there is something fundamentally wrong with my brain. I am Young and Naive so I simply do not know how to tell. The pandemic has made it much more challenging to figure out the root cause of my problems, because I cannot tell if they are just because I can't do the fun activities I like doing in the social environments I like doing them in, or something presumably biochemical.

      Things that each help a little:

      • Getting more sleep
      • Getting more exercise
      • Being good about meditating, or when my therapist is useful (rarely)
      • Being successful (I have a job for the summer and a likely career after I graduate. Knock on wood)
      • Being hot as fuck (I'm not that attractive, but I feel pretty after I exercise, or when I dress nice, or when people compliment my body)

      Things that each help a lot:

      • Having extremely attentive and caring friends
      • Not being around people who constantly drain me
      • Consuming certain substances

      Specifically, the most non-low-energy I've felt in a long time was when I ate some funky little mushrooms with my friend this year. Specifically, after I snapped back to reality (mom's spaghetti). I was just more alert and more able to function properly. My brain operated at its normal capacity; words flowed freely from my mouth in a gorgeous array of sentences; positive banter was at an all-time high; I was positive and optimistic; and so on. You know how you can sort of visualize the ideas popping around and the gears turning when you're sober but just really on top of your social life? Well that's what it was. Unfortunately my ability to be a normal person only lasted like 1 or 2 days from there, and then it was back to the same old.

      This has made me ask the question: might it be prudent to look into some sort of legal medical prescription that would have a similar effect? That is, anti-depressants or like whatever. I'm also open to alternative treatments but I am mainly asking about prescription meds. I just don't know anything about the whole world of medication. I almost never take meds for anything ever, even physical injuries, and I'm afraid that if I start doing medication I'll never be able to stop. The concept of always being medicated is a little scary to me. Like even if it helps, I'm still worried. But I kind of feel like nothing I've done so far has been able to permanently work, so I kind of need to do something.

      I appreciate any thoughts that you can give!!!

      xoxoxo
      beezselzak

      18 votes
    7. So, I just turned down my vaccination ... did I make a mistake?

      I'm in Hungary, and my local doctor's office just called to tell me I have a Tuesday appt to get the first shot of the Sputnik V vaccine. Problem is, I'm moving to The Netherlands in 2 weeks. I...

      I'm in Hungary, and my local doctor's office just called to tell me I have a Tuesday appt to get the first shot of the Sputnik V vaccine.

      Problem is, I'm moving to The Netherlands in 2 weeks. I would have to stay here for another month to get the 2nd shot. Too much already put in motion for the end-of-April move.

      I could have just gotten the first shot here, and then see what/when I get up in The Hague. But A) that feels like cheating, and 2) IDK how wise it is to mix vaccines.

      Now if I die of Covid before getting vaccinated up there, I'm gonna feel like an idiot.

      Thoughts?


      ETA:

      For the record, I did cancel the appointment, and I assume that, by now, my slot has been filled and I would get pushed to the bottom of the list, if I were to call my doctor back at this point.

      Hungary, for whatever reason, is perhaps the #1 best country in the EU to date, for progress on getting its citizens vaccinated (32% half, 14% fully vaccinated, compared to the EU average of 16% and 6%). Being willing to use the Russian and Chinese vaccines w/o EU approval is, I'm sure, a contributing factor.

      The Netherlands, on the other hand, is desperately struggling to be "not dead last" in the EU vaccination rankings.

      Additionally, I'm 53 years old, right on the cusp of "not quite old enough to be high risk".

      So it really was tempting to go ahead and get at least halfway-vaccinated before I go. But the Russian vaccine (as well as the Chinese one) seems to be especially dependent upon getting both shots. So, hopefully I don't die of Covid before The Netherlands gets around to me, but for now, I'll keep wearing masks and washing my hands.

      18 votes
    8. What should I know about intermittent fasting?

      I know it's a big deal right now, but I don't know much about it. I sort of stumbled into it by accident because I don't feel safe eating at work right now, so most days I don't have any food...

      I know it's a big deal right now, but I don't know much about it.

      I sort of stumbled into it by accident because I don't feel safe eating at work right now, so most days I don't have any food until I get home around 4:00 to 4:30 PM. I'm also usually wrapping up my evening and in bed by 9:00 PM, so I end up with a roughly five hour window in which to eat. Last weekend I tried to follow it even though I was home and found it surprisingly easy to just not eat until that time, even though it was safe for me to do so and food was available.

      I was already calorie counting prior to this, but I noticed the shift to not eating at work accelerated my weight loss a little bit. It's also way easier to come in under my calorie count when I don't eat for most of the day.

      Because it seems like this is working (though granted, I'm in the very early stages), and because I don't really have a choice in the matter given that I can't safely eat at work anyway, I'm interested in learning about the do's and don't's of intermittent fasting. As a beginner to this, what should I know? I am mostly interested in just making sure I'm not doing any damage to myself or creating any potential problems that I don't realize, so safety is my primary concern. Weight loss is a secondary focus, though less essential because I feel like I've got that down with calorie counting. Any insights or resources you know of would be appreciated.

      14 votes
    9. Wisdom teeth recovery tips?

      Hey everyone. Today, i had my wisdom teeth removed (two of them anyway), and I currently sitting here with am ice pack pressed against my face trying to type with one hand. I wad wondering, if any...

      Hey everyone. Today, i had my wisdom teeth removed (two of them anyway), and I currently sitting here with am ice pack pressed against my face trying to type with one hand. I wad wondering, if any Tilderinos with dental experience or who had there teeth removed, have any tips for surviving they next week? I've heard the see one and third day are the worst, is that true?

      9 votes
    10. I'm stuck in an endless loop

      For several years now (4-5-ish, but hard to pin down when it started), I have been stuck in a cycle of enervation/depression. I don't really like to use the word 'depression' to describe this,...

      For several years now (4-5-ish, but hard to pin down when it started), I have been stuck in a cycle of enervation/depression. I don't really like to use the word 'depression' to describe this, because in my youth (I'm in my early 50s now), I suffered from serious bouts of extreme depression, and by comparison, this is a walk in the park ... so I've gotten into the habit of colloquially referring to is as "ennui".

      The duration varies (a lot), but the cycle is most often roughly 7-14 days long, where 60-70% of the time, my energy, motivation, my ability to focus on and accomplish tasks ... all goes into the toilet, and I spend most of my day reading news, surfing the 'Net, playing video games, watching re-runs, walking about town with my dog, or even just sleeping. The other 30-40% of my time, I feel good -- clear-headed, focused, motivated and energized -- and I spend most of this time catching up on all the stuff I neglected during the ennui phase, and making Grand Plans for the future.

      It is hard to tell, objectively, whether I am getting better, worse, or just treading water ... in part, because the cycle varies enough that it's hard to see any clear trends over anything less than 6-8 month time frame ... but more so because my ability to objectively assess my status is so colored by the cycle itself ... when I am in one of my ennui phases, it feels like I am getting worse or, at best, maintaining. When I am in the manic-ish phase, I feel like I will never feel unmotivated again, and I must often remind myself that it is temporary, and in another day or 3, I will be back in a funk. As objectively as I can be, however, I think I am actually treading water or, possibly, getting gradually worse at a very glacial pace.

      I know the "up" phase of my cycle sounds a lot like the manic- part of a manic-depressive bipolar thing. Maybe it is; as I said, it is hard to be objective. That said, though, I am really, really confident that, prior to the beginning of this, ~5-ish years ago ... that "manic" phase was my normal state of mind. I used to be a very focused, productive individual.

      So ... I've tried many different things to address this. Assorted doctor visits have mostly concluded that either they don't know what the problem is, and/or, I'm exaggerating/imagining it (no doctor has explicitly said this -- it is my interpretation of "we can't find anything wrong with you"). I've tried increased exercise, more time outdoors, more sleep, less sleep, meditation, a wide variety of changes in diet, vitamins/minerals/supplements, etc. I've lost over 40 lbs. I'm currently trying (for a 2nd time) large daily doses of turmeric, and contemplating trying (also for a 2nd time) a round of tDCS self-treatment.

      For context, I am right now on an upswing, coming out of my latest "ennui" phase and feeling optimistic and productive.


      I should also add that I have another issue ... one that I believe is unrelated, but sounds similar when I describe it. This dates back to about 15-16 years ago, and is another thing I have seen many doctors for, and tried various things to remedy. In a nutshell, about 15 years ago, I got dumber. Prior to that, my ability to learn and remember, my executive functions, my ability to deduce, my ability to focus and prioritize and plan ... were all much better.

      Over the course of 12-18 months, I lost a lot of my mental functions. For anyone who has read it, it felt a lot like the tail-end of the book "Flowers For Algernon". The simplest quantifiable example I can give of this is the notion of ... how many things are on your mental shopping list (stuff you need to get at the grocery store) before you realize you better write it down? For me, prior to this loss, my magic "I'm gonna forget stuff if I don't write it down" number was around 12-13 items, that I could fairly confidently remember. Afterwards, that number dropped to around 3.

      At that time, my doctor found a (benign) lump in my throat (a goiter), and ultimately, they removed half of my thyroid. After they removed it, over the course of 6-12 months, my mental faculties improved again, but I feel to this day, that they never returned to anything close to what they were before. My mental "shopping list" number today is around 5.

      Multiple tests since then have repeatedly confirmed that my half-of-a-thyroid is fully getting the job done, and I do not need any kind of supplemental hormone treatment -- with the possible exception of testosterone (ps: I'm a guy), which I tried for a little while -- and dammit, it helped, too -- but then I freaked out and quit once I started reading about side-effects.


      I am writing this explicitly looking for suggestions and advice. Keep in mind, though, that (I'm guessing here), 80-90% of my responses will be "already tried it, didn't help".

      In advance, danke y gracias.

      16 votes
    11. As a teacher, what can I do to protect myself and my students should schools reopen in the fall?

      I'm a teacher in the US, and the question of whether schools reopen is very much still up in the air (and location dependent). However, I heard some internal talk from my district that looks like...

      I'm a teacher in the US, and the question of whether schools reopen is very much still up in the air (and location dependent). However, I heard some internal talk from my district that looks like they are, at present, leaning towards a partial reopening that will likely have me back in the building, in-person, with a room of students in the fall.

      Assuming this is the case, I want to prepare now. I'm operating on the following assumptions:

      1. Provisions from the school and district will (allegedly) meet a certain minimum, but there is an effective maximum beyond those measures that I can independently pursue.

      2. Until the virus's spread is contained, the likelihood of someone who is infected with COVID-19 being in my room is non-negligible.

      As such, I'm looking to maximize the safety of myself and others in my room as much as possible. I'm looking for guidance in the following areas:

      1. What are the best, legitimate masks I can get for myself? N95s are out of stock everywhere, or, if they're in stock, they're from sketchy sources that are almost certainly selling fakes.

      2. What are the best masks I can get for students? They are supposed to be bringing their own, and I assume our school will have something in place for kids without them, but if for whatever reason a child makes it to my class without a mask (or breaks theirs or something like that), I'd like to have extras on hand for them.

      3. Is there any other PPE I should look into? Gloves, facemasks, robes, etc. I don't mind wearing whatever will keep me and others safe, even if it looks ridiculous. On the other hand, I don't want to go overboard either.

      4. Where can I get bulk hand sanitizer and/or cleaning wipes? These also seem to be widely out of stock. Also, are there types/brands that are more effective than one another?

      5. Is there anything else I should stock up on now? I'm worried about a run on already low supplies once schools announce reopening plans.

      6. What best practices should I employ while in the classroom setting? I want to protect myself and the kids in my room as much as possible. Anything that I can control to reduce risk (e.g. procedures, ventilation, etc.) I want to implement.

      7. What level of risk am I potentially putting myself in? I need some straight talk here. Be as transparent as possible with me about the reality of what I'm potentially facing.

      8. Is there anything else I need to know or do in advance of the school year starting? I've got time to prepare. I want to make sure I do whatever I can now. Even if it turns out in hindsight that I overprepared, I'll be happier knowing I did everything I could rather than being in a position where I wish I had done more.

      Also I should note that I am willing to pay for quality. I don't want to put my life in the hands of the cheapest options out there. As much as I resent the idea that I would have to pay for any of this myself, I'm not about to gamble on this.

      30 votes
    12. Anyone else diagnosed with depression? I need others to talk to

      Hello, So I've been officially diagnosed with depression a few years ago. I am on medication for it and I've done therapy in the past. I am a more functional person than I was, let's say, one year...

      Hello,

      So I've been officially diagnosed with depression a few years ago. I am on medication for it and I've done therapy in the past. I am a more functional person than I was, let's say, one year ago as I've adjusted my medication.

      However there is something that is SEVERELY affecting my quality of life and that is the generalized lack of interest or extreme difficulty in doing almost anything. Yes I've talked with my doctor about this. It's "normal" and we are working on it.

      I don't know many people and COVID-19 took a hit on my already limited social life. So I guess I want to share my experience and hear from others who experience(ed) the same difficulties. When you are trapped in not wanting to do anything, what the hell do you do?

      Recently I've started reading a physical book again. I think it is a good thing for me to have something to do that does not involve a screen. Plus it makes me sleepy if I am a bit tired which, for me personally, is great. Aside from this next experiment, the activities I do the most are playing one or two video games, study for my degree and work part-time.

      Another thing I've started doing is doing the bare minimum in terms of physical exercise. I am working on doing pull-ups (I went from doing 0 to 1,5 =) ) and doing some squats. School and work rob me of a lot of energy so I tend not to exercise. But now I'm trying to at least do something.

      I will try to keep up with this post but I have a tendency to procrastinate on them if I get a lot of replies. Thanks for bearing with me =).

      32 votes
    13. Why do some/most nasal decongestants create feedback loops of congestion and (more importantly for me) how can one get over the withdrawal effects created by it's excessive use, and in what timeframe?

      For context: my mother said that my father has used these decongestants regularly for as long as she has known him. He passed this habit onto me when I was young, originally with Afrin, then...

      For context: my mother said that my father has used these decongestants regularly for as long as she has known him. He passed this habit onto me when I was young, originally with Afrin, then Narix. Given there is a recommendation to not use these decongestants for extensive periods of time and apparently a rebound effect and syndrome called rhinitis medicamentosa comes from ditching it's use after said long periods, my mother decided using it like this is unhealthy and thus cut my use of it for the day, and given this stuff is cited in Wikipedia and a fair number of news/medical articles, it seems legitimate, and thus I agreed.

      After that, my skin is more prone to goosebumps and being overly sensitive, my eyes are watering more, my throat feels more scratchy (although I already woke up with that, before my mother made this decision) my nose is running way more than it used to.
      Can I blame withdrawal on this?
      What happened to me?
      How long does this last?

      And is this site really where I should turn to to try to find out?

      8 votes
    14. Using the menstrual cup and open menstrual discussion

      I'm a female working in the construction field and was wondering how to dispose of my feminine products discreetly and hygienically in a portable potty with a crew full of males where male...

      I'm a female working in the construction field and was wondering how to dispose of my feminine products discreetly and hygienically in a portable potty with a crew full of males where male toxicity exists... 'twas weird.

      I've been meaning to make the jump to the menstrual cup (due to my sustainability inclinations), but due to laziness/squeamish reasons, I didn't make the jump until I realized how practical it was with my profession!

      I'm able to keep it in for a half day before emptying, so it's awesome for the jobsite! I can urinate with it too! which is also awesome... and! NO SMELL! I feel so much cleaner now. and the internal pressure kinda releases some cramps... not all the cramps, but some! And it's totally comfortable to work out in (for reference: I do outdoor running). Not to mention, there's way less waste and cost! (And for those who find bodily fluids cool, the thick, deep, dark red that you see when you empty makes me feel powerful, like you can conquer anything... in reality, I just sit with my Chimmy plush and wait for my significant other to plop chocolate goodies in my lap.)

      The only downside I could find is that it took some time to get used to (about 1 cycle) and I can't hold my pee (I know I'm not suppose to anyway, but it's a nice privilege... these pipes had some major damage).

      Anyway, any cycle stories/tips/tricks? embarrassing moments? origin story?
      I'll go first, my mom was in a ferocious fight with my older sister for spending the night with some guy or whatever. As my mom was ripping my sister's clothes/throwing her out the house, I got my first period. I had to interrupt the fight to ask what I should do... middle child problems! I guess I found a good way to break up a fight...

      35 votes
    15. Can I cycle outside?

      Sorry for the low effort post but my computer is broken and my smartphone is crap. My city in Brazil is basically closed for business. My mother was supposed to be in another continent but,...

      Sorry for the low effort post but my computer is broken and my smartphone is crap.

      My city in Brazil is basically closed for business. My mother was supposed to be in another continent but, THANKFULLY, flight restrictions prevented her from traveling.

      The downside is that she’s making me crazy like mothers do.

      I’m going bananas here, and cycling makes me sane. I also need the exercise. Am I crazy for wanting to get on my bike once a day? The streets are not totally empty, but a lot less populated.

      I’m in Salvador, Bahia. My state has 33 cases now.

      12 votes
    16. So, what should I get at the grocery store?

      Just looking for some general advice in the event of a quarantine. I'm already thinking I will make sure to get plenty of flour, rice, beans, and water. But I would definitely like to hear from...

      Just looking for some general advice in the event of a quarantine. I'm already thinking I will make sure to get plenty of flour, rice, beans, and water. But I would definitely like to hear from the more forward thinking members on what to get!

      17 votes
    17. What steps should people take in case they need to quarantine?

      With quarantines becoming both a reality for many and an increasing likelihood for many more, what are the recommended best practices for preparing oneself and household? There's a lot of general...

      With quarantines becoming both a reality for many and an increasing likelihood for many more, what are the recommended best practices for preparing oneself and household?

      There's a lot of general advice already out there, so specific advice would be really helpful, as well as things people are likely to forget.

      16 votes
    18. What do I need to know about switching to a vegetarian diet?

      My husband and I have cut back on meat consumption significantly in recent months, and I'm tossing around the idea of trying to do a full vegetarian diet for the month of March as a trial run for...

      My husband and I have cut back on meat consumption significantly in recent months, and I'm tossing around the idea of trying to do a full vegetarian diet for the month of March as a trial run for potentially going vegetarian full-time.

      I've searched around and there's a lot of conflicting information out there on the topic of vegetarianism, as well as the reality that a significant amount of nutritional information online is sketchy at best. I know we have lots of vegetarian/vegan users here, and I'm wondering if there's any significant need-to-know health concerns or things that need to be addressed. Do I need to supplement any particular nutrients? Do I need to measure my protein intake? Any other must-know information or do's/don't's I should be aware of?

      31 votes
    19. On Having No Head (D. E. Harding) - Help me understand

      I've been interested in meditation for some time now - tempted by the insight into the human condition that it purports to offer - but I haven't yet experienced any kind of 'breakthrough' moment...

      I've been interested in meditation for some time now - tempted by the insight into the human condition that it purports to offer - but I haven't yet experienced any kind of 'breakthrough' moment that has brought any clarity, let alone insight.

      I have read Sam Harris's Waking Up, and have done some of the course in his app. The most I've been able to achieve is to observe (and subsequently limit, control) getting angry. This has proven pretty useful but doesn't feel profound.

      Anyway, I'm now about half way through D. E. Harding's On Having No Head, and I am struggling with it.

      I keep telling myself to stick with it because what he's saying might become clear, but I'm finding the reasoning behind it to be wilfully obtuse at times. I fear I'm exposing myself as some kind of idiot in even asking about it, but can someone help me see his point?

      He talks about looking at what you're pointing at. Makes sense. I can see those things, therefore they're there.
      And then to point at your face. You can't see that. Ok. Makes sense. I can't see that, therefore it's not there?
      I can vaguely see a blur of my nose, but that isn't anything worth worrying about?

      But I can demonstrate that it's there. I can photograph it. I can look at it in a mirror. I can touch it and feel it (and it can feel).

      I feel like I'm the fool staring at a metaphor and screaming about it not being real but I can't see the bit I'm missing!

      Does anyone have any insight they can share?

      4 votes
    20. your ways of staying healthy?

      I've been programmer for past 4 years and signs of sedentary life, not being active and overconsuming certain stuff is showing... what do you do to stay healthy? I plan on signup for a swimming...

      I've been programmer for past 4 years and signs of sedentary life, not being active and overconsuming certain stuff is showing... what do you do to stay healthy?
      I plan on signup for a swimming pool, I started IF but I fail too many times.. Also i'm trying to cut sugar as much as possible but today was a really bad day in this regard...

      my goal is not to get thiner. (i don't consider myself fat where it would be determinal to my health).
      my problem is that I feel like my muscles are always tired (can't explain, like I could be strecthing them all day long and they would feel tired), my right side of body starts hurting everyday after 14:00 (+/- few hours, depends on what I am doing). I have regular lower back pains... :(

      edit2:
      wasn't on computer for the whole day after posting. thanks for all the responses.
      My plan for the following weeks is:
      -Waking at regular hours (6:30)
      -Going to beed at regular hours (22:00 - 22:30)
      -My morning routine will be:
      some water, wimhof breathing, stretching, shower, coffee -> work.
      I'll signup for a swimming pool and try to get my active hours in by going to swimming pool 3-5 times per week.
      Regarding food:
      Intermitting fasting between 12-20, no sugar, only tea,coffee,water.
      Will be cooking my own meal every day / meal prep for the whole week.
      all above should be simple to implement and not too hard to give up. On days when I will not feel energetic I'll take some modafinil in the morning.
      Also I'll be abstaining from alchocol and any drug... also I'll try to smoke weed on weekends only in small quantites.
      all the above shouldn't be hard to do because I allready do some of the things above...
      I try to do wimhof breathing when I can, I cook 2-3 times per week. so the biggest ones will be:
      giving up daily weed, signing up for swimming pool, going to sleep and waking up at regular hours.

      15 votes
    21. Any advice on getting rid of intrusive thoughts?

      Sometimes when I am thinking, these bad thoughts come into my mind, specifically images. I would rather elaborate not elaborate what the images are but they are all connected by a single object. I...

      Sometimes when I am thinking, these bad thoughts come into my mind, specifically images. I would rather elaborate not elaborate what the images are but they are all connected by a single object.

      I have tried meditation, and while I feel at peace for a few hours after meditating, the thoughts haven't really left long-term or gone down in frequency. Maybe I am meditating wrong. I am blindsided every time the thoughts appear.

      Anyone have any experience with this?

      30 votes
    22. How do you deal with stress and anxiety in a healthy way?

      I'll preface this by saying that I'm a high school student, so obviously I can't be facing any real stress, but it seems real enough to me, anyway. My strategy is usually just to bury it in...

      I'll preface this by saying that I'm a high school student, so obviously I can't be facing any real stress, but it seems real enough to me, anyway. My strategy is usually just to bury it in entertainment, but I see a lot of the people around me turning to using substances like nicotine, weed, or alcohol.

      I don't think any of these are really good options, so I'd like to hear what you guys do.

      22 votes
    23. Looking for advice on mother's deteriorating mental health

      Hey, I dunno if this is an appropriate place for this, and feel free to take it down if it's too direct/off-topic or what have you. I can't post this on reddit because my mom browses reddit and it...

      Hey, I dunno if this is an appropriate place for this, and feel free to take it down if it's too direct/off-topic or what have you. I can't post this on reddit because my mom browses reddit and it would be painfully obvious.

      So, as some of you may know, Backpage was a website like craigslist that got shut down completely due to complaints/reports of trafficking. In that shutdown, many people lost their jobs, my mother being one of them. My mom received a severance pay, and had to find work. Within that same timeframe, she also broke things off with a man whom she had been dating prior for reasons I still don't know. After having to sell her house, she tried to make it on her own, but then inevitably had to come and live with me and my Dad (Whom she had divorced about 10 years prior)). At some point a year or so ago, she had a nasty fall and hit her head, concussing her. Lately, she seems to be coming unhinged.

      Her behavior started with her continually retroactively accusing my father of cheating on her ~15 years ago on several occasions based off of information she swears happened but cannot corroborate. She has, in recent memory, been known to make false claims and, when presented with proof refuting her claims, to discard said proof and continue to push her claims instead. She has tried to get me to "remember" incidents over 10 years ago where she ran across "women who were his type". On top of that, she has accused my father of going into businesses she has applied for and telling them not to hire her. My dad wants nothing more than for her to get back up on her feet and get going. I have no idea why she would believe this.

      We had another incident where my little sister went downstairs to get something to eat, and used the microwave to prepare it. My mother interjected and told Ali that she shouldn't be using the microwave because she's afraid of the radiation it gives off. My little sister politely told her that that was bullshit and that she isn't worried. My mother then grew angry, told her something along the lines of "Fine, I'm not going to care if you die then", took her phone, and sent her upstairs (We all shave our rooms upstairs and she has her space downstairs, where the guest room is). This isn't the first time she's posited a completely ridiculous and baseless claim/conspiracy/concern, however I hadn't tried to refute it before.

      I texted my Aunt and debriefed her, and she said that she was aware of my mother's mental health declining, and she wanted to help, but I guess she said something my mom didn't like, because my mom has since blocked her on her phone, severing the only means of communication between them (She's 2 states away). My mom seems to keep doing this to people; saying and believing untrue/ridiculous things and becoming increasingly angry and hateful when she is refuted or called out on it. She has severed ties with her Aunt, the sister of my deceased grandmother, who tried to tell her she was wrong after accusing my grandmother of various things she didn't do. She doesn't have any family left that she hasn't pissed off.

      The only person left in my house who she isn't angry at is me, but I am supremely bad at handling these things and would much rather retreat into my room and not come out until it's all over. My girlfriend living with me is trying to provide support as well. This morning, my mother asked me to drop her off at a homeless shelter. She has a bed, food, clothes, a shower and restroom, and WiFi here, but she feels so much that my father is the root of all of her problems that she wants to leave at any cost.

      I don't know what to do now that my mother is slowly and surely losing her goddamn mind and is driving out everyone who loves her when they don't reaffirm her insane delusions and accusations. It hurts to see my father struggling to do something, because he can't just kick out the mother of his children; he still loves the woman he married. We can't tell her she needs to seek help, because that is interpreted as an insult and calling her crazy. I've tried, again and again, to tell her that we are all here to help her and we want the best for her but she seems to discard every good thing I say and pick out the worst, even if I didn't intend any kind of negativity. She's getting to the point where she's beginning to lose her temper with me and I'm afraid that that will be the final nail in the coffin. My father tried calling some place (I believe they specialized in mentally unwell people) and asking for advice, but when he asked them to call my mother and they agreed, my mother got angry at them and accused them of "collecting evidence" for my father. It's out of their hands if she isn't harming herself or others.

      I don't really know what I expect from posting this. Maybe commiseration, maybe sympathy, or advice, but I'm going fucking insane and do not have any prior experience to help me cope with/fix this and I would really appreciate if anybody does and they're willing to share

      21 votes
    24. Intermittent fasting, thoughts?

      Hey everyone, Intermittent fasting is a diet where the user fasts for either periods of their day for 10-16 hours or for set days throughout their week. As long as you don't binge eat and stick to...

      Hey everyone,

      Intermittent fasting is a diet where the user fasts for either periods of their day for 10-16 hours or for set days throughout their week. As long as you don't binge eat and stick to your diet, it's a good option for losing weight. There's other science coming out from rodent testing concerning other potential benefits, though that's not always consistent for the effects on humans.

      Check out this article for more information

      So, any thoughts or experiences? Who else eats breakfast at 2pm?

      12 votes
    25. Advice for getting into shape

      So I'm a teen and am starting a new school next year. I get a 12 week break so would really like to try and get in shape, mainly to boost self confidence. What types of exercise / diet would...

      So I'm a teen and am starting a new school next year. I get a 12 week break so would really like to try and get in shape, mainly to boost self confidence. What types of exercise / diet would people recommend?

      I don't think I'd ever get skinny but I'd I could swap out some fat for muscle that would be fantastic!

      13 votes
    26. Shift work and sleeping

      Hey folks, so I've worked nights for the last two years and it sucked. flat out sucked. I would average 4-5 hours of sleep before and after a shift and now I've moved to afternoons (3pm-10pm) I...

      Hey folks, so I've worked nights for the last two years and it sucked. flat out sucked. I would average 4-5 hours of sleep before and after a shift and now I've moved to afternoons (3pm-10pm) I find my body still thinks 5ish hours is great.
      Often I wake in the middle of the night and then that's it. I'm up. it truly sucks. anyone got advice on how I can change this? I've been on afternoons for a little over a month now, so could it be more I'm still adjusting? appreciate any help and advice.

      edit ** thank you all for the advice. I will have to work out a routine and make sure to sick to it, then just not get too down when only making small steps.

      13 votes