Quitting alcohol, I don't feel like I was ever *that bad*
Two weeks ago I decided to cut alcohol out of my life. I have a weird issue though where I don't feel I necessarily relate to other problem drinkers in support spaces online, and I assume would not in-person, because I feel like my habit was never particularly bad. I've never been addicted to the degree where I have to have a drink to function, I never used it as a crutch in social situations, or anything like that. I don't mean this to put anybody down, but I've grown up around alcoholics, and even count myself among that number, but feel I somehow never fell into the worst, and have a hard time walking away from where I was because of it.
To break down my cycles of drinking:
I started with a beer a day. I liked beer, then moved on to drink/include whiskeys and other hard liquors. I'd have 1-3 drinks a night most nights from when I was of legal drinking age and could afford my own alcohol, and have a pace usually of one an hour. I enjoyed the tastes, experimenting with different varieties, and just exploring what was out there from whiskeys, cordials, weird beers, meads, anything.
Then there came a point where I started drinking heavily infrequently but regularly about seven years ago, where half a handle was gone in a week and a half and I had no idea where it went. I didn't black out at all, but would later realize I was drinking it really fast. This continued, I would stop buying hard liquor, and then buy some, and drink it quicker than I should have, rinse repeat.
The thing where I feel conflicted is I feel like I was in control, in a sense. I really enjoyed the alcohol I was drinking and would sip on it over a few hours having glass after glass. For these heavier nights I would wake up with a mild hangover, but it wasn't an every day thing. I would occasionally mess up and drink half a 750ml bottle and regret it, but tone it back down.
As far as cravings, I would crave alcohol like I crave other foods/drinks, like "I really want some Johnnie Walker Black this week" similarly to how I would think "I want a coke." Then I would clear 375ml in three days, and realize I didn't have enough to enjoy until the next paycheck (I generally didn't buy liquor more than once a pay period because I was usually interested in being more intimate with one drink at a time). Similar to how if I eat candy bars regularly I crave them, alcohol is/was the same.
Part of this led me to take a long time to give myself permission to stop drinking. I decided two weeks ago that I just don't need alcohol and sort of just said I'd commit to it, do the "one day at a time" thing. No end time, just never doing it. I feel if there's a deadline, or any conditions to drink, I'll slip back into the patterns I had which weren't entirely self-destructive, but not something I wanted to live with. As far as work functions, I'll just get a soda, mocktail, or water.
As a result, I have also hit a sort of malaise about how different things aren't. I've had dry patches where I chose not to drink, and I don't have a huge recovery story since I wasn't drinking all the time anyway, but going through these sorts of cycles. I don't feel any different because I'm not healing, I'm not going through any withdrawals or detox, I don't have any behavior to feel guilty about, or anything. I feel like a bad alcoholic, in a sense, because I don't have much to run from beyond the problem of "one is too many, two is not enough." I also feel self-conscious about not drinking alcohol, because I'm worried about how to answer if asked why.
I guess, to a point, I'm reaching out because I feel a little alone on this. I'm not sure how to navigate my not-quite sobriety (I still use cannabis edibles on rare occasion, and kava quite frequently, but not regularly). Has anybody else been in a similar situation? How did you navigate it internally?
Recovering opiate fiend here - 7 years next week.
I had a rock bottom story with opiates, but my relationship with other drugs is a bit more complicated. I obviously stay far away from painkillers and heroin because they destroyed my life, but none of the many other drugs I tried ever grabbed me like opiates did. Still, I have to avoid some of them.
I know which ones to avoid, because they're the ones that I think about in the same way you think about alcohol. Any drug where I'm interested in the different types, enjoying the experience too much, surprised by my intake, bargaining with myself about taking breaks, etc. It's a bigger problem waiting to happen. It's probably more of a problem already than you even realize. If you don't manage to stop your intake or completely change your relationship with alcohol, you'll probably find it harder to do so next time you try, then harder still the next time. It never gets easier, only more difficult. Eventually you're white knuckling and lying to yourself that it's not a big deal, you already quit for a week which proves you can handle it, then you're back to drinking and it's worse next time.
My relationship with alcohol has always been super simple - I can take it or leave it. I never think about it, I don't crave it even a little, and if it disappeared tomorrow I wouldn't even notice. I'll have a drink when someone puts one in front of me for Christmas or the fourth of July. I might even have two or three if I'm not driving. And then it disappears from my consciousness for six months.
Moving up the ladder of problem drugs, if I was given access to cocaine, I would treat it the way you treat alcohol. I would think about it too much, read about it, find excuses to use it, spend too much on it, be surprised by my intake, etc. But I have a hand on the brake with that drug. I could probably manage it to a degree...for a while.
Up the ladder once more, one opiate will send me off the edge into oblivion - no question and no chance of me being able to control it. I've done it before and I would absolutely do it again in a heartbeat.
All of this is to say that you seem be in tier 2 right now, but please know that it can turn into a tier 3 problem. More importantly, do you really want to keep living that way even if it stays at a tier 2 kind of situation?
Complicated relationships are generally bad and unhealthy. This is true for drugs and it's true for relationships with people. The best and healthiest relationships are always simple. "I'm completely okay with or without you and I only spend time with you because it augments my life, not because I need to."
I was definitely trying to make sure this was not something I was doing, and I can't be 100% sure that wasn't the case.
This was why I said "fuck it" and quit, I think. I'm tired of where I am, and two out of three options (stability, or decline) were not favorable.
I definitely agree here. I'm also interrogating why I consume kava, for example, because of my issue with alcohol and the only response I get back is "I like to be mildly inebriated" so I'm totally fine with that. I feel I had to be partially dishonest with myself about alcohol but never felt I lied to myself or others (a contradiction, I know), which was definitely an issue. I think the problem was the areas where I had doubts, and these doubts were not unfounded.
Wolf is spot on - alchoholism is a progressive disease, each recovery is worse than the last. Much luck on your journey - being honest with yourself and others (even strangers on the internet) is key to your long term recovery. AA gets a bad rap in certain circles, but it's everywhere, its free, and it offers connection and understanding from people who don't just 'get it' they're living it too. Should you choose to go down that path, know you're likely going to have to kiss a few frogs before you find a group that sync's up to your journey. You're not alone (even though your addiction will convince you otherwise).
I think there's a lot of people in your shoes, and like you they tend not to be overly vocal. While some people have to hit "rock bottom" to make a change, others catch them earlier. I had a chuckle when you mentioned control because I can imagine the long talk you'd get at a recovery group about how "we're never in control" when drinking.
It sounds like you were drinking an unhealthy amount, and if asked I would simply say "no thanks." If pressed, just say you made a health decision given all the new research associating it with cancer. It's really no one else's business anyway unless you feel like sharing.
They would be right, I think, but I think I disagree with the binary/dogmatic approach I see. In a sense I, and others like me, have a hand on the brake lever and pull it as we see issues. The reason I made my decision is I'm also acutely aware that the brake might eventually wear out, and got tired of trying to manage it.
Fortunately I don't seem to be around pushy people, even in my line of work's social events, so I don't think I need to sweat it too much, but definitely will just use the health argument. I'm sure the subtext would still be legible, but I don't think anybody should think any less of anybody else for it anyway.
If there are more responses and my positions seem to change, it's likely because I'm trying to process it a bit.
I would like to add that a white lie is perfectly fine. I also don't drink but it's because I simply don't like the taste - and in my experience, simply saying I don't like it is enough for people to more or less shrug. Sometimes it will be another question or two, or comments like "well have you ever had X or Y or Z?" and I can answer honestly that I have and I just don't like it.
Don't know if that could be helpful. But yeah in my opinion it's okay to lie about things like this if you need to get people off your back or just don't want to talk about it.
For what it's worth, I decline drinks all the time saying I don't or rarely drink because I don't think it is healthy. I've never had pushback or odd reactions. I don't think people will read too much into it. If they do, they are projecting their own insecurity.
I was in your same position (perfectly described, by the way) for more than 15 years. Right around 2-3 years ago, my job changed to have considerably more people to manage. That was enough that the drinking crept out of control, and the misery of trying to dial it back but seeing my "special purchases" not last long kept growing. After a while, I did realize a carryover effect of less clear thinking, more emotional disinhibition (in a bad way), and more anxiety. Just not thriving. Kicking alcohol under those circumstances was much harder than it would have been, say, before COVID, but I did it.
If I have a point, I suppose it's that you never know what life will throw at you or what will make you go on autopilot. You're making a healthy, forward-thinking decision by removing the habit that always tries to grow when given the opportunity. The recovery community wasn't built for us, but I consider it a major relief and privilege to have a different experience of alcohol. Keep making the good little decisions, and it will very rarely feel like a need to "stay strong."
I'm pretty much a teetotaler so I can't speak specifically to your experience, but I have a few ways to answer the "why don't you drink" question:
It's up to you how you'd like to approach it, but in your case it sounds like you could say it's for health reasons, and it would be true. Most people are fine with that answer and don't push to elaborate, and if they do you can say you'd rather not provide more detail. To be honest most people won't give you a hard time about it. The people who are pushy or snarky about it are often self conscious about their own drinking. I find a lot of places are getting much better about having non-alcoholic options on the menu that look just like any regular cocktail or beer, so the question might not come up that often. I severely dislike the question though, not because I'm self conscious about my decision, but I feel it puts people who are trying to recover on the spot. It should be no one's business but your own.
I'm certain others with similar experiences and feelings to you about alcohol are out there. I hope you find them and wish you luck on your journey.
I'm also a teetotalor, and if it's people I am not seeing again, I just use the 'I live far away and I'm driving" excuse, which also happens to be true in a literal sense.
Also in this boat and if they're someone that throwing jargon at will help, the phrase "Alcohol is medically contraindicated for me".
You’re doing what we once called the the cali-sober ;)
The old line in AA was that there’s an easy way to find out what kind of alcoholic you are: just go keep drinking! Sans the flippancy, it’s not terrible advice, especially if you find that you are spending inordinate amounts of time and mental energy on the question.
A couple of things I sometimes share with people in your position. First, whether drugs are a problem for you is an entirely personal and subjective determination. One person’s “bottom” is another person’s “funny story.” Only you can decide whether doing drugs is adding or detracting from the richness of your life. It can be hard to figure out, though. One thing I can say with what I feel is a fair amount of certainty: people for whom drugs are definitely not a problem don’t spend any time wondering whether drugs might be a problem.
I’ve used every drug there is to great excess, and far beyond the line of any doubt about whether they were hurting me. I got clean many years ago, and stayed off everything but tobacco for most of those. In the past few years I’ve resumed medicinal use of psychedelics, I use low doses of cannabis to help with sleep, and I will imbibe kava and kanna socially.
It’s important to understand that, I never used drugs to get high or have fun. I was self medicating. I have a very significant history of childhood abuse. The pain from that is unbelievable, and illicit drugs are the most effective short-term pain relief there is. The problem is all the side effects, and they are many, and can become far worse than the original problem I was trying to address, and also compound that problem. Of course, I had no awareness of any of this at the time. I didn’t even have a clue how much pain I was in until I felt the relief for the first time. And I thought, for a very, very long time, even after I got clean for a very long time, that I was just getting high for ‘spiritual advancement.” Which is actually true, but not in the sense that I believed at the time. It is true in the sense that, when you’re as dumb as I am, you have to try a lot of wrong solutions (and try each of them really hard) before you start getting to something helpful.
My prayer is that if you’re someone for whom drugs are a problem, or, like me, a temporary, costly solution, you’ll figure that out sooner rather than later, and that if not, you’ll quit wasting time on the issue and go live your life.
Heard the term before! But yeah, nothing else is quite an issue, so it doesn't sweat me. Weed, especially edibles, hit hard enough for me that I need to sort of clear a night for it. I'm also avoiding anything that is chemically addictive and isn't caffeine.
I think one of the things that saved me was I was never self-medicating. I didn't drink to run away, I drank to drink what I was drinking. It doesn't mean some of the chemical feedback loops won't still trigger, and it doesn't mean things will stay the way they were forever.
This was one thing I definitely spent years with and was my wake up call that set me to trying to identify and resolve the issue. Also a stats professor saying "If you need one drink a day you're still an alcoholic." Not about me, but my internal response led me to think there was a problem.
One time, a coworker and I were at an open bar company party, and we both just so happen to be in a no-alcohol fasting period. He just awkwardly stood around, wondering what to do about the "can I get you a drink" questions, while I went and got a juice with ice in it. He was shocked!
What are you drinking?! He asked. Possibly in both the sense of what substance, and "what! You're drinking?" disbelief
Uh, a juice. Want one? You can just get juice without alcohol? Uh, yeah bud. Come with me, they also have just pop with ice in it.
I agree that pushy folks are just trying to justify their own struggle. If you have a coke in hand they'll probably assume it's got alcohol in it and be satisfied. If they offer you any just say nah you gotta do something tomorrow, which is always true because we all have to do something everyday.
Edit:
You're definitely not alone. Probably a lot a lot a lot of people are where you were, and a lot are where you are and headed to. You listed sugars and pops and candy as other things people do, but people absolutely get addicted to sugary treats as well without realising that it's a problem for long term health. I myself struggle with not enough exercise and I have a very similar line of thinking as yourself: there's comparing, there's bargaining, there's little sudden realization how long/much it's been inadvertently, an intention to do slightly better (not because we have to!) that isn't carried through, repeat. It's extremely common, but maybe it's not normal, and it's definitely not good for us.
So good on you! Keep it up, your body and wallet thanks you. If you make it a year use the left over money and treat yourself to a vacation
I think having not kicked soda, it's a bit easier because I can just have a coke. I don't care if it looks like I'm drinking or not, so it's not really an issue.
I've got a bit of a binge issue with it, but don't typically keep sugary stuff around at home. I'm still obese, but without the advantage of dropping soda and losing fifty pounds. tbh, ice cream is my vice, but I might have either a pint a week or some ice cream sandwiches one week out of a month.
Congratulations on making the decision to change a habit! It's not a question of whether your drinking pattern fell within the definition of "alcohol use disorder", it's just that you've become aware continuing alcohol consumption isn't serving your interests in life.
Like you, I wasn't a problem drinker in the sense that it was impairing work, relationships, or short-term health. I had a passionate culinary and intellectual interest in wine, and typically drank a glass or two a day. On weekends or holidays, I might kill a bottle in a day. It never seemed like something I'd have to give up or work to control.
But then I found myself starting to drink to unwind in the evenings after stressful days at work. One glass with dinner turned into two. I wasn't waking up hung over, but I wasn't sleeping well. It started to feel like I really wasn't in complete control of how much I drank, that "one is too many, two is not enough" point.
I haven't quit entirely, because I still greatly enjoy the taste of a well-savored glass of wine. But I do track my alcohol intake carefully, ensuring that I'm dry at least 5 days and no more than 2 units of alcohol per week. Over the last couple of years, my alcohol tolerance has gradually dropped so much that a single serving consumed within less than two hours can get me to the swimmy-headed, near-nauseous state where I wouldn't dream of having more. You may not feel like much has changed after only two weeks without alcohol, but your liver and brain take their time to heal, if my experience is any evidence.
There's no need to formulate lies - just state, in one way or another, that you don't want to drink. When I'm out with coworkers or friends, I don't feel any social compunctions in saying, "thanks, I'll pass". If pressed, I can honestly say that I'm taking a medication that doesn't mix well with alcohol, or that I don't need the extra calories, or just that I've got things to do and want a clear head.
Anyone who's still cajoling you to join in after that point is only seeking enablement for their own excesses. At least one of my coworkers is, IMHO, a real problem drinker and I have had to deal with this while traveling with them. The first night, I simply said I was exhausted from an early flight and headed off to bed while he carried on. The second day, I joined in the after-dinner bar visit and ordered sparkling water with lime, then held out when challenged to drink shots with the guys. Frankly, they were too drunk to notice or remember what I was doing, other than being "social" with them. The third day, I begged off again for a long day and an early flight. No harm, no foul for our business relationship.
I think there's been a real generational change in social acceptance of excess alcohol consumption. I'm GenX, and people my age or older are far more likely to have had alcohol deeply embedded in their lives as the recreational drug of choice. Even when I was drinking what I think of as heavily, I knew too many people whose daily consumption was six-packs and bottles. The ability to consume that much was practically a status symbol - you could pay rent/mortgage and drink to your heart's content.
I follow the oft-repeated line about psychological disorder being this sort of aspect:
A lot of diagnoses, to my understanding are often "Some of these are normal but if they occur and are distressing/causing issues, it's probably a disorder."
I work in IT consulting where the alcohol flows freely at social events, but I've also seen people not drink with no problems, so I'm not sweating it too much aside from a moderate social anxiety I guess. I feel like I would be better sober because I won't be self-conscious about being drunk on top of socially awkward. That said, as a social drinker, and generally when the booze costs money, I don't go crazy. One excepton was a couple weeks when I started at the company and we had a party atmosphere that I absolutely don't regret.
I think that's too restrictive a description of the distress and risks from embarking on a pattern of excessive alcohol consumption.
By the time I got to "one drink too many, two isn't enough", I already had lost the sense of mildly inebriated satiety that prompts most people to stop drinking more. I'd ceased drinking for enjoyment, and was using alcohol to stop feeling altogether. I think I was fortunate to recognize that situation before the habit bloomed into an obvious disorder. I also had the rare luxury of quitting the stressful job, getting therapy, and being locked down for COVID-19.
I live in a mostly rural community with long winters and multiple alcohol (and marijuana) industries. My spouse is currently employed with one of the producers, and most of our social circle is affiliated with wine production and distribution in one way or another. There's a lot of full-blown alcohol and drug addiction around here, no shortage of cautionary tales. I'm still in IT, and yet it's again very difficult to escape drinking events for work - birthdays, holidays, job changes. That's why I'm not completely dry - I want to engage with something I loved on my own terms, staying mindful about both the hazard and the joy. It's working so far.
As far as social anxiety is concerned, yep, got that, and for a while, drinking seemed to ease it. But there were times I'd wake up the next day wondering if I'd stepped on any toes or otherwise made a horrible ass of myself, which just made me more anxious... These days, it's interesting to be the sober one watching how other people act when intoxicated.
I got into real problems with alcohol. Started many years ago when I was gigging in a small time band in my late teens. Started having a few pints each gig several times a week, and things got gradually worse over the years.
Fast forward twenty years and I'm having a bottle of wine and a bottle of whiskey every night, and being barely functional.
Decided enough was enough about 15 years ago or so I guess.
Didn't think about it much at the time but I just quit one day. Spent four days in bed just shivering and sweating. Apparently I learned after this was quite dangerous.
Haven't had a drink since then.
I had a 0% alcohol Guinness for the first time just this year when on holiday and it bloody terrified me. Not doing that again, I'll just stick to my tap water.
Lost a lot of my memories to an alcohol haze.
I suppose one of the scariest things was how the consumption and need crept up and up, and I never noticed. Or I did notice but convinced myself it wasn't a problem.
It was a problem. But no longer, thankfully.
NA alcohol is something I'm going to get back into eventually but I'm going to definitely keep an eye out for a slippery slope when I reintroduce it. There are some drinks I would definitely buy just because I like hops, and don't need a beer analog to enjoy it.
That happened to me then I realized I lost half a handle in a week. That's when the alarm bells started ringing and I was trying to find a way to resolve it. I tended to autopilot myself to a position then do an honest assessment when I noticed it, but that didn't stop any progression.
@nopants I hope it's ok if I tag you here.
I also posted a thread about my relationship with drinking a while back. I've had ups and downs, I can easily turn away a drink but damn do I love to have one. Like you, I don't use it as a crutch or an escape or anything like that. In fact, I even hate the feeling of being drunk - buzzed is fine, but when I feel thick in the head I look for a quick way to get rid of that (usually I eat a sandwich).
I have quit smoking cigarettes before, that was objectively worse and potentially more difficult. But I'm not sure I want to quit driving entirely - just moderate it. Thing is, like you, if I bought a bottle it will be gone within a couple days. Woops.
I do better at moderation with a few strategies - don't buy it, if I do buy it I buy in small amounts, and I also use other drinks inbetween alcoholic ones (sparkling water and kombucha are my go to).
All this to say, you're not alone and it's ok to talk about it like this. I feel bad sometimes about the days I drink, because I feel I'm letting myself down, but I try to focus on the ones where I don't instead and appreciate that.
That didn't work for me, so I sort of just gave in and committed whole-hog to not having it. I definitely value non-water beverages anyway, like kombucha, and always have sparkling water at home. I feel like I can trust myself for social drinking, but anything I bring home is opening the door to buying more.
Yeah, that's also a thing, I got tired of feeling bad about my excessive drinking nights. If I eliminate the problem altogether it's that much better I feel.
@hobofarmer pinged me because they are kind enough to checkin with me monthly.
You are not alone.
I found myself drinking too much at home, so for the last three months, I simply do not buy it when shopping.
Yet it's still tempting. To buy booze just this once. To celebrate this special reason. Or because today was a hard day.
The checkins make it easier to ignore the temptation.
I ask myself "do I really want to explain to hobofarmer why I made an exception for this one thing?"
Generally I am an honest yet lazy person, and the laziest thing to do is simply not buy the booze in the first place.
Also hobofarmer mentioned a brilliant idea. They asked their spouse to not buy any booze for at home either. I did the same.
Rather than worry what your friends and acquaintances might think of you, for not drinking, you might just find yourself wondering more about what a random internet stranger might think of you for making an exception to whatever rules you decided to commit too.
I'm happy to checkin with you also. Like you, I trust myself with one social drink. But in general, I prefer not too. One is never enough. Why even bother?
As for the why, I don't think it matters why. I usually distract folks with a bad joke, or just stick with "no thanks." If pressed for a why, I go with one of @patience_limited excellent reasons. Usually the weight watching one.
As for the inconsistency, that doesn't really matter either. We are all wildly inconsistent. Hardcore addicts will quit every addictive substance known to man, except will chain smoke like portable chimneys. I still buy way too many sugary treats and fatty foods at the supermarket, which are also empty calories, and are not doing my health any favors.
As for the never being that bad, that doesn't really matter either. There are tons of teetotalers who never were "that bad." They simply just don't drink. At least as far as we know. Which is all we need to know.
All the best.
If it makes any difference, the amount of non-alcoholic beverages and businesses has sharply increased in recent years. I guess that's fueled by Gen Z preferences. So it's kinda trendy and it's a pretty personal question to ask in a lot of social settings. I know I recently joined a social group, ordered Shirley Temples a couple times, and then everyone understood I didn't drink without any conversations about it
Please stop worrying about how bad your alcohol problem might have been. If you have decided to stop, good for you. A soda water with lime will get you through any event where alcohol is served without having to explain yourself unless someone explicitly asks you what you are drinking.
Preventing the risk of later rock bottom experience is worth doing, even if you are not certain that it would happen to you.
I kinda wasn't aware I was doing that, but yeah, that's part of it I think. I've seen people do the soda with lime thing, but think I'll just go the extra mile and order a soda.
You're not alone, I had almost the exact relationship with alcohol. I don't think I was ever "addicted" in the sense that I would go through withdrawal without it, or where I felt it was necessary for me, but I did drink more heavily than I should have for 10 years without realizing it. I never really had social issues, health issues, never blacked out or threw up, but I realized a couple years ago that I just didn't really like the way I felt while drunk anymore and I preferred the way I feel when sober. I started drinking less, maybe having a glass of whiskey a couple times a week for a buzz, but over time, I also grew to hate how I felt while just buzzed and now I'm essentially alcohol free except a couple times a year and I don't really ever feel a "pull" to drink more.
As far as navigating it, I try to focus on how clear headed and healthy I feel while I'm sober. It used to feel good to me to be drunk or buzzed, but it turns out that I prefer keeping my mentals at 100% instead. I think an important thing is that this isn't necessarily a binary, either. You don't have to be a drinker or an entirely sober person, you don't have to commit to anything or fit any specific label. Like I said, I still have a drink every few months at a social function if I feel like it, even though if asked at most events, I would say no thank you and if pestered, I would say I'm sober even if I do have a drink every once in a while.
"I also feel self-conscious about not drinking alcohol, because I'm worried about how to answer if asked why."
Don't let that brain worm creep in. If someone offers you a drink, you decline, and they pester you about it, that's their problem. Instead of being self conscious because you think you're abnormal or something compared to the people drinking, think about the willpower you have to be able to say no to peer pressure. You don't owe anybody else a why, just be confident to yourself.
I know it's easy to just say those sorts of things, but I'm in a similar boat and I feel you, even if my advice isn't the best.
I would like to thank you for sharing. Others have shared their past experiences on this, but I wanted to share where I am now. I’m really glad you posted this. You are not alone. You’ve nearly described my own situation perfectly. I’d made up my mind a couple of days ago that it was time to change, and your post has only encouraged me.
I don’t feel addicted. But as someone else here said, while I have control of the brakes most of the time right now, brakes can wear down. I’ve decided to drastically reduce my drinking and limit it to outings, social gatherings, or tastings. I think my “drink at home” evenings are done - I don’t want to accidentally drink half a bottle of bourbon anymore, then scold myself for a while only to do it again a week or two later. I don’t want to put too many rules or stipulations in place since that only seems to push me to rationalize breaking them. Instead, I’ve just decided I don’t want to do it.
I wish you well on your journey. Thank you for sharing. And while it was not your intention, thank you for helping me, too. I don’t have much else to say. I think the other commenters have great answers and suggestions, so I hope they’re helping you as much as they have me.
While I drank heavily on weekends years back, in recent years I've had maybe 2-4 drinks a month. Last time I had even just two servings in a single night, I felt so bad afterwards, that I started to consider giving it up. I'm older now and my body doesn't handle it well anymore anyway.
So drinking for me is currently on indefinite hiatus and likely permanent. Have had no desire to return to any beer, hard seltzer, etc. Threw it all away. Honestly, have not had the desire for any kind of hard liquor either even though I have tons of it in the house.
Just the thought of having any of it still gives me a phantom headache. Every time I think I want a bit, my body/brain instantly say "it's not worth it anymore"... and I think that's true. I think I enjoyed my time with it but the time for it has passed.
Different from your case, of course, but I get where you're coming from- where you can have a lot (as I did a decade ago) and still feel like you had full control, but that at some point it became too much regardless.
So as far as giving up alcohol- solidarity! Glad that you're making a change/choice that you believe will lead you to a happier place after reflecting on it.
I actually worked to avoid this outcome because I was worried if I quit because of a bad night I would come back. I quit drinking at home for eight months and made sure it was what I wanted to do, and even made sure I didn't quit after a bad night to try to prevent a cycle of escalation, which I think worked well enough. I would have a bad night, then be more careful about my consumption, and just not buy more when it was gone for a abit.
This new call I'm giving myself was "We good now? Any weird baggage around drinking currently?" then I had an honest conversation with myself and decided teetotaling was the move because the rest wasn't getting me the result I wanted. The rest was sort of grappling with the decision, and now with this thread I was trying to see about plotting the greater course, which people have been helpful with.
Roughly the same. I do still drink, but much less and less frequently.
I quit primarily because I was drinking a lot (but socially), which bothered me as a health-conscious person, and I had a family history of addiction / dependency. Also, I met this girl who had excellent skin and she was a complete teetotaler. I wasn't expecting to be sober forever, but I took the pandemic as a chance to cleanse. Afterwards, I would drink, but less. I did black out once after (was used to having a higher tolerance) and got so sick it ruined a lot of my favorite hard alcohols for me. After that, I drank even less, and usually go weeks without drinking. (I could easily do three months.) The hangovers when I had even one drink became increasingly brutal.
My social gatherings also diverged a lot, there's way more illicit substances. People pay more attention to whether you do those, not the alcohol. (In that sense, I wish I had a slightly different extended social group.)
But really, I don't feel so different. I do kind of miss life with consistent drinking, I'm comfortable socially without it, but I also receded into myself a lot. What used to be a hobby for me (alcohol tasting) is gone, and what used to make me engage socially after 6pm is gone. I kind of just want to chill at home and sleep at a normal time. I'm in between mourning things and not caring, mostly the latter.
As for what I do now? Park hangs, cafe hangs, or occasionally drinking a little. It also helps to hang out with people who are curious about drinking less, I generally get an excited reception if I bring a "fun" non-alcoholic drink.
I chose some lifestyle restrictions besides drinking much less... you kind of get used to bucking things a bit. I just shrug and say I don't feel like it. If it troubles you not to know why, you also honestly don't have to frame it as anything. I was vegan for a decade. I wondered if I was doing this lifestyle out of habit, and whether I would pick it now as an adult. So I chose to lapse to occasional vegetarianism for 18 months. After a while I honestly just realized I didn't feel good in my changed lifestyle. I had lots of little reasons for it-- health, mild disgust at the food, more concerns over ethics, etc. -- but honestly I just was used to the way I was and found it easier. So I changed back. It was a little hard to adjust to the limitations (and also a bit hard to explain) but I just said I changed back and no one was shitty about it. You don't need a story to justify things. It doesn't need to be a statement to be something you don't want to do. It just has to be how you feel at that moment.
I think this is part of it for me. I just like beer and whiskey, and like finding new stuff. However, there's an emerging world of hopped beverages, craft soda, and other stuff I can still dive into, so I can still have the sense of exploration without the concern for my health. I'm not going to touch spirit alternatives, though, since they're for cocktails which I was never really into.
I'm very much going to just focus on not justifying myself, since the goal is to just let it go. There's never a problem with interrogating why, which I definitely did, but after that comes understanding, I think.
My drinking problem was much more severe than yours, so I don’t really have any relevant advice to offer about drinking itself. I will say that even if you don’t feel that quitting has noticeably improved anything in your life, you’ll definitely save a lot of money.
I hope you're doing better now! And it'll definitley help to focus on things like saved money, because good beer and liquor don't come cheap. Even alternatives I enjoy (kava, kombucha, various selztzers) are cheaper than the alcohol I enjoyed.