What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

EDIT: Album available here

Note: I'm writing this post as I go through my day, taking note of anything interesting. I try to do this with my diary, however for once I'll actually share my thoughts with strangers.

This was inspired by u/arqalite's post on the topic.

I'm not a journalist. I didn't even take a class on journalism in college. I'm also not a writer, but at least my text is human generated. I have an audiobook I need to catch up on and a day to spare, so I'm going to bitcoin town.

I'm not a crypto guy, but I'm not going because I think Bitcoin is bad (even though it is). I'm going because I'm curious: how loud is this bitcoin mine really? When I read the initial post I wondered about the nocebo effect, Havana Syndrome, sociogenic illness, etc. Most of the reports are anecdotes of locals, and the null hypothesis doesn't make for a sharable news article.

I'm using this app "Sound Meter" to see how loud it is in my small suburban house. It peaks at 40dB. If you, like me, don't think in decibels, Google says that's as loud as a refrigerator hum. I'm skeptical about the accuracy of a phone app, but it's what I have.

Outside my house there are some birds loudly chirping. I would have missed their song if I wasn't writing this. I decide that I should take a measurement. The app reads 55dB. Google says it's the loudness of a residential street. Spot on.

I'm entering Granbury, TX and a massive American flag hanging from a crane greets me along with a pro-Trump billboard. There's a large lake running through the town. Seems like every house has a dock. Lot's of folks on boats and jet skis are visible.

Downtown is an old court building with a clock tower. The streets are lined with mom-and-pop shops for furniture, clothing, and trinkets. To my surprise, there are a lot of shoppers here with arms full of bags. They seem cheerful. They are all white.

The GPS takes me outside the city limits. I stop at a gas station a half-mile from the mine. I ask a couple of people about the mine while I grab a water. They've never heard of a bitcoin mine, and didn't know there was one around here.

As I approach the destination, the bitcoin mine looms over the horizon. The sheer size of the facility cannot be overstated. This facility looks like it should be pursuing some massive scientific endeavor. I wouldn't guess in a million years that all of this infrastructure exists to mine bitcoin. My car reads 98°F (what I expected based on forecast.) I imagine cooling systems will be as loud as one can expect on a day like today. And yes, it is loud.

Across the way, I see signs saying "Bitcoin sux" and "Bitcoin Noisehood". I take a lot of photos. I pull out "Sound Meter" and take measurements. It consistently reads 81-83dB, peaking at 88dB. Google says 85dB is the limit of safe hearing, and is comparable to the sound of a snowblower. This seems perfectly accurate to me. I'd be pissed if I lived across from this place.

I'll be in Granbury for the next hour or so, if anyone has a specific question about the mine I'll see if I can answer it. I took a lot of photos if there is interest.

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

I've been in therapy for ten years.

Recently, I hit a local minimum. I saw where the rest of the curve would take me, if I did not change somehow. It would end me early—maybe even in a few years or less.

And I saw what was holding me back.

I've had emotional scars accumulated from an early age. That kind of trauma seems to have a way of becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy; my life has been replete with repeated traumas. I've been reliving those root traumas over and over again, in my own mind, overlaid atop later events that only found correlation due to triggering those old wounded emotions.

I understand this to be called "CPTSD" in more civilized parts of the world than where I live: the United States. (As far as I know, the DSM-V does not acknowledge CPTSD.) I digress.

In therapy, I had identified two deeply wounded "parts" of myself: one represented by an ostracized seventeen year old Exile who attempted in all but direct intent to end himself and the other an emotionally abused and rage-filled ten year old Inner Child.

Recently, I healed the seventeen year old part. I saw how it was hurting me. Its expectation, its fear, of exile fueled nearly half of my life. My therapist and I pushed on it. What was preventing me from changing?

It was the fear of what I would become without it. Would I lose my wife? Would I lose my identity? Would I lose everything?

But it was this or my life. So, in that moment, I made a choice.

Instead what happened was something unexpected. The Exile flourished. It was as though my teen and 20 something years had been rewritten: a Back to the Future moment. It was no longer The Exile. It was transformed into something else entirely. It became strong and confident. Tapping into that part, by choice, I now seem to be able face most situations that would once cause near panic with, instead, determination. I persevere. I even seem, at times, to flourish.

However, the rage-filled Child remains. He is more activistic. He still has the sense that he will be punished for some perceived wrong. When provoked, he doesn't feel anxiety from these imagined tortures, he feels rage.

In my meditations, now, I attempt to integrate with this newfound strength to then reach out to and show more compassion to the Child—to salve his fear and show him that we, together, as a being, are now strong. I am hopeful.

In these ways, I am remade.

I still recognize old pieces. And, yet, there is so much new, so much yet undiscovered, that I confound myself with what is now easy and what remains difficult (but difficult in new ways). I am increasingly kinder to myself, allowing more connection with others, particularly those I would once consider incompatible, and perhaps even beginning to become physically healthier.

I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. Or, perhaps, I am only now stepping into that light, after decades.

How have you become more than your past traumas? How have you transformed for the better? How did you accomplish it?

EDIT: I shared this in the hope that it inspires. There can be healing, though it can take years and much effort. I would love to hear your stories of hope!

EDIT2: Feeling self-conscious, this all was decidedly not a humble brag. I never imagined that this sort of abrupt transformation was possible. However, it was a culmination of literally a decade of therapeutic intervention and hard work.

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?