An emotional day, and a request about pets
Hi all,
I know this is probably going to be a bit of an incoherent mess of a post but my wife and I have not had a very good day and I'd just like to share my feelings, and make a simple request for anyone who might be reading this. This is also a sad story, so if you are not in a great headspace, I'd suggest skipping this. I swear I'm not trying to be a burden.
My wife and I have been fostering dogs with a local rescue for years now. We absolutely love it and it truly is one of the only things that make us feel like we are able to make the world a little bit of a better place. It can be tough sometimes but we always say "There will always be another dog to help" and that has helped keep us going.
Three or four years back we had a lovely old man foster dog named Elvis. Absolute sweetheart. If you thought of a soft gentle dopey old man dog, it was Elvis. He loved his toys, but in a funny way. He would just carry them around with him ENDLESSLY. But not all of his toys, it was either his little marshmallow stuffy or his little cookie stuffy. And I mean he took these things everywhere. To bed, on the couch, walking around the house and even outside to hold while using the bathroom. He would even try it on walks if we let him. He was the perfect old man dog and we loved him dearly.
Well, eventually he had an application for an adoption and he was picked up by an older individual and that was the last we saw or heard of Elvis. Life just kind of moved on.
Until this week.
The universe sometimes works in cruel ways. Earlier this week, my wife, while scrolling through social media happens upon a post from another local animal shelter we follow. The post was about a stray dog whom has been picked up and the owner could not be contacted. My wife showed me and said it looked like Elvis. And initially, I didn't think so. Maybe? I mean like sure, but a shell of his former self. He was so thin. He looked like a skeleton. He was so unkept and neglected that it really only kind of looked like him. There was no way it was him. He was so old and frail looking. I wasn't so sure.
Until I looked at a photo of him on my phone. We were convinced it was him. My wife immediately called our foster agency and they contacted the shelter. The microchip confirmed it. It was Elvis. The shelter nor the foster agency could get ahold of the adopter. And no one had any idea what had happened or how long he had been like this. It was so upsetting to hear. My wife and I both knew immediately we had to go and get our boy back, even if it meant we held onto him for the rest of his days. Didn't matter. It was devastating but we were glad to know he had been picked up and was safe at the shelter.
But it wasn't that simple. He had to be on stray hold for a few days to give his owner a chance to come and get him, and was on medical hold too. Initially they had thought he had been hit by a car because of his inability to stand and he was in really rough shape. My wife and I said that's fine, we can pick him up on Friday and we will make sure he gets the care he needs. We are fortunate that our foster agency has a lifetime promise to always take care of an animal should an owner surrender the dog or cat.
Not to stray from the story too much but my wife and I also have a cat. We've had since we were first together. He is our first real pet. We have had him for years now and he is our baby. Well, he's been battling cancer for the last year or so and these last few weeks have been tough. Long story short he had an emergency today and had to go to the vet.
Things did not go all that well. He had a lot of fluid in his chest and it made it so he was having a very difficult time breathing. He needed to have the fluid drained immediately and it was jaring to watch. While this is going on, someone from the shelter that was holding Elvis called. It turns out that he hadn't been hit by car. His heart was failing and he was likely to be put to sleep. Today. It was a complete shock on top of an already shitty day.
Once our cat was was stable and we were able to take him home, we wanted to go and be with Elvis for his final minutes. It only seemed fair. We didn't want him to be surrounded by strangers and scared.
But the shelter wouldn't let us.
They wouldn't let us see our boy one last time. I know he hasn't been our boy in years, and I know he was never really our boy, but I still remember him like it was yesterday! And I just wanted to apologize for what happened! I just wanted to hold him one more time but I couldn't.
Elvis, I'm sorry.
And I'm sorry for this lengthy and probably stupid post but my wife and I have been dealing with a rather emotional day and I wasn't sure how else to process it. We've talked and it's been hard,. We just held each other and cried. I've cried while writing this. Tomorrow is another day, and hopefully it will be better.
I have one simple ask for anyone who might consider adopting. Please, please, please, get the contact information of the fosters, if the agency allows it. Send them photos of the dogs, or cats. It's a hard thing to do and just getting those little reminders that's our foster dogs and cats are out there living a beautiful little life genuinely fills my wife and I with so much happiness it's impossible to describe. Anyone who has fostered would feel the same. Even if it's once a blue moon. Please. Do it. It's means more than I could ever really state.
I'm going to stay off the Internet for a bit to try and get in a better state of mind and spend sometime with my wife. If you made it this far and read this whole thing. Thank you. I appreciate you and I hope you have a good day.
Please give your pets a big squeeze and forehead kiss for me, and for Elvis.
Edit
Its been a few days offline and my and my wives mental health has improved considerably. We ended up going to Trader Joes, then to our friends kids birthday and catching the new Spiderman movie. Its been a nice reprieve.
Thank you all so much for the kind words. I found myself getting emotional again reading through all of the comments. I really cannot express how much I am grateful for the support. Hearing the stories from the other fosters in this thread who have shared their experiences has been so reassuring.
Some good news - we did hear that the shelter is going to going to send us copies of his paw prints. While I appreciate the thought and the sentiment, I really would have just preferred to see him one last time. Our cat is doing better, but we and his vet, do not think he will be with us much longer so we are enjoying every moment we can. Our current foster dog has an application and is set to get adopted sometime this week and we will be picking up another foster as well.
Elvis sounds like he was an incredible dog, and you and your partner sound like incredible fosters and animal advocates.
What a shitty situation.
Thank you for the kind words. A shitty situation was the absolute correct way to describe it.
It's not the biggest baddest evil in the universe right now, and I don't know why I feel conviction in this one instance—probably because animals, I dunno. But worshipping rules, to the exclusion of helping people, is an act of evil. (And that's coming from a computer/math nerd. I like rules.)
Sorry you had to go through that double whammy. Wishing you a better week to come, and tell your cat I said ps ps ps.
Yeah I don't understand this shelter at all, why? These are veteran foster pet parents, it would only take a call to their shelter to confirm, why on earth not?
Elvis, may you be placed in the best old dog heaven with the most comfortable chairs and your marshmallows.
This comment made me tear up again. Awh! He had a favorite spot on the couch and on the floor where he would just hold his little cookies and marshmallows. I hope to goodness he found it all in his next life.
Dear fellow foster, with Elvis's situation, I can only hope that it was because the vet who had to put him down was looking out for their own mental health, that they can only do what they do, day after day, and look after so so so many hurt and mistreated small animals because when it's the truly awful task of putting them down they have some kind of de-personalization ritual or maintaned atmosphere. And that though they understood your love for Elvis and your hurt, ultimately more small animals would be hurt if the vet became unable to do their job. That the vet who was there with Elvis at the end isn't someone who didn't love him, but someone who loves too much and can only manage this last kindness for him.
I'm of two minds really.
I understand why seemingly dumb rules get followed. A lot of times it's for one of two reasons. One, there's actually a good reason for the rule, and unless you're deeply familiar with the situation, you wouldn't know what that good reason is. This is pretty common. Two, the rule really is dumb, but there are severe penalties for not following them. Some executive made up a dumb rule, made the senior managers follow it, who make the middle managers follow it, and then the people doing the work have to follow it, or they get fired. The rule is dumb, everyone knows it's dumb, but there are very very few things that people are willing to do on sheer moral principle if it means they potentially become homeless.
On the other hand, a lot of times the dumb rule does not fall into these categories and really is an entirely breakable rule that people just don't want to evaluate like a human being and use their brains to decide. If that's the case here, I agree with you.
There are plenty of gray areas. Maybe it's a smart rule because the executives considered all possible rules and chose the one that would result in the least suffering—but at the same time it's also a dumb rule because you could eliminate even more suffering if you could trust your employees with case-by-case discretion (which might not be possible). Or you mentioned that good employees might be coerced into following bad rules. It's also possible for good executives to be coerced into making bad rules: "This rule will cause suffering, but it'll look bad if we don't impose it, and the board and/or the public will have our heads."
It's hard to say how the blame should be divvied up. On one hand, banality of evil, "Just following orders" shouldn't be a get-out-of-jail-free card. But on the other hand, it's hard to get angry at someone who is also being mistreated by the system.
Kudos to you for being more charitable that I was.
I will let our cat know. I'm sure he'd appreciate the fun and thank you for the kind words. I had a very hard time understanding the weird hill to die on with us not being able to see him, perhaps it was for the best. I wouldn't want him to have suffered any longer just so we could see him again, that would not seem fair.
So sorry to hear this, what an awful experience. Sending internet kindness from a stranger who is also going through a difficult time with a pet. I hope you and your wife are managing ok, and that your cat is recovering from the procedure.
Thank you, we are doing better now. Hopefully your pet situation improves as well. We all could use a little more happiness and a lot less stress.
Oh man, what a nightmare. I'm sorry you went through that. 🫂
I used to foster puppies/dogs and I'm currently typing this out with two foster kittens wrestling at my feet, so I know what it's like to have that bittersweet moment where you pass a special foster off to their forever home. That gets even harder if you spent a lot of time with them, which can be the case with older animals. I always tell myself that they're off to a good home because the thought of anything else is unbearable. I don't even like thinking about them spending a day or two in the shelter between their surgeries and adoptions. Needless to say, what you and your wife went through with Elvis is heartbreaking. I know I'll be holding these foster babies extra tight in a few minutes, and they'll have Churu's in Elvis's honor tonight.
I 100% agree about emailing the fosters. I've received a few updates over the years and it makes my day whenever they come through. To any potential adopters out there, don't be shy.
Thank you. The bittersweet feeling of fostering is so hard. Especially like you said the old foster. Gosh, they just stick to my soul. I hope they enjoyed the Churus. My cat has been enjoying several to help with his recovery.
My cats' former foster mom cried when dropping them off at my apartment, and she clearly cares so so much for the cats she fosters. She visited them at our place once or twice in the years following, and when I needed to move abroad she accompanied me to the airport very early in the morning to advocate for me to get a private screening room from the German equivalent of TSA -- and then did the same thing for my friend who was bringing my second cat with him a few weeks later, despite never meeting him prior! There's such a selfless love from people who foster pets, and I'm so glad I've stayed in touch with my cats' foster mom not just because of how much she's done for me, but also because of how much I know she loves my girls.
This is exactly the kind of fostering my wife aspire to be. We offer to watch our previous fosters whenever people travel. No one has taken us up on it yet. One day hopefully.
Please keep up with letting the fosters know. I cannot even begin share how much it means to us. All of us.
Elvis noooooooooooo!!!! May you have all the cookie and marshmallow stuffies in dog heaven
Thank you! I hope they are waiting for him and his big comfy dog bed.
Thank you for the volunteering. Gosh, people think fostering is difficult but I could not imagine working and volunteering at a shelter.
Hear hear. We get to come home with adorable and healthy and ready for their new home animals, whereas the shelter staff are dealing with retuning animals or ones who can't go out to fosters.....
Thank you @picketship for what you do.
We fostered a whole buncha cats for years, and yeah, getting updates would be nice. We don't forget them and we don't ever get tired of hearing how they're doing.
I hope your kitty makes a full recovery
I'll give my foster-fail fuzzy an extra treat tonight in Elvis's honour. (She hates Churo. Don't know why)
I can still name every single foster we've had in the last eight or so years we've been doing it. They just imprint on us. Thank you for the kind words. Our cat is doing better. Hope fuzzy enjoyed the treat!
Fuck that shelter
On Friday, I would have absolutely agreed with your sentiment full stop. Even today I still do, to an extent. But shelters have a hard time and I don't want to exacerbate the issue.
With all of that being said, for that particular instance on Friday - yes, fuck that shelter.
By the way, I did send photos to the shelter where I got my cats and asked them to forward them along to their foster. Thanks for the motivation.