26 votes

I want to prank a friend. Does anyone know where I can buy bulk bread clips?

Posted by hushbucket
Tags: ask.advice, pranks

A friend and their partner got into a heated squabble about bread clips. My friend is a staunch defender of the clip; his partner prefers to tie the end of the bag into a knot. They recently bought a home together, and I would like to gift them a lifetime supply of bread clips. I'm unsure of the exact amount, but I'm thinking whatever amount is visually shocking would be good enough. Maybe 1000, maybe 10,000. I'm having trouble sourcing a suppler. Does anyone know of one? TIA

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bread_clip

27 comments

  1. [9]
    em-dash
    (edited )
    Link
    The oldest human so far was 122 years old. We could use average life expectancy, but about half of people live longer than that, and we wouldn't want to risk running out of bread clips. That would...

    I would like to gift them a lifetime supply of bread clips. I'm unsure of the exact amount

    The oldest human so far was 122 years old. We could use average life expectancy, but about half of people live longer than that, and we wouldn't want to risk running out of bread clips. That would be terrible.

    Normal people eat 8 slices of bread per day. This seems high to me, but I admittedly don't eat much bread, so maybe I'm out of the loop of some new bread-eating fad.

    A loaf of bread has 21 slices. This varies, obviously, but we've overestimated the last two things so it's probably fine.

    122 years * 365.24 days/year * 8 slices/day / 21 slices/loaf ≈ 16975 loaves. Adjust for your friend's current age, or don't, depending on your level of optimism toward current longevity research.

    22 votes
    1. [2]
      Ember
      (edited )
      Link Parent
      8 slices per day is hilarious. I guess you could get there by having 2 slices as toast for breakfast, 2 slices for a lunch sandwich, and 4 for… idk what else you’d do for dinner. A couple patty...

      8 slices per day is hilarious. I guess you could get there by having 2 slices as toast for breakfast, 2 slices for a lunch sandwich, and 4 for… idk what else you’d do for dinner. A couple patty melts? Or have a larger breakfast with French toast? Maybe it counts if you grind the bread into a casserole or eat some other food product that’s mostly bread.

      30 votes
      1. A1sound
        Link Parent
        Two french toast for breakfast, two for lunch, and four for dinner. Seems perfectly reasonable to me ;)

        Two french toast for breakfast, two for lunch, and four for dinner. Seems perfectly reasonable to me ;)

        7 votes
    3. [2]
      yooman
      Link Parent
      From your source: CAN consume. I think if I ate 8 slices of bread a day I would explode

      From your source:

      An average person can consume up to 8 slices of white bread per day

      CAN consume. I think if I ate 8 slices of bread a day I would explode

      8 votes
      1. Mesa
        Link Parent
        Yeah, just went into this. The real figure is on average 2 slices per day.

        Yeah, just went into this. The real figure is on average 2 slices per day.

    4. [3]
      JuneSaber
      Link Parent
      Somewhere in the world there is a group of people eating like 40 loaves of bread a day that is severely skewing the average hahah.

      Somewhere in the world there is a group of people eating like 40 loaves of bread a day that is severely skewing the average hahah.

      6 votes
      1. em-dash
        Link Parent
        Loaves Georg is an outlier and should not have been counted. I was, obviously, least certain about that one, which is how I found myself typing very normal queries like "how much bread do normal...

        Loaves Georg is an outlier and should not have been counted.

        I was, obviously, least certain about that one, which is how I found myself typing very normal queries like "how much bread do normal people eat" into Google. It was for a joke, so I felt okay suspending disbelief for the obvious misconception because it made the result marginally funnier.

        This page, which won't show me its source without registering but at least claims to have one, suggests one loaf per week per household (= 6344, over 122 years), which sounds much more plausible.

        2 votes
      2. CptBluebear
        Link Parent
        It's the Dutch. Have you seen what we eat for lunch? I'm not even kidding here, the average construction worker probably eats half a loaf a day.

        It's the Dutch. Have you seen what we eat for lunch?

        I'm not even kidding here, the average construction worker probably eats half a loaf a day.

        1 vote
  2. [5]
    Dovey
    Link
    I like a joke where nobody gets hurt, but I'm a little bothered by the amount of plastic that would be wasted for this. Actually, what I've seen on my bread for the last year or two is a cardboard...

    I like a joke where nobody gets hurt, but I'm a little bothered by the amount of plastic that would be wasted for this. Actually, what I've seen on my bread for the last year or two is a cardboard version of the bread tag.

    16 votes
    1. [4]
      MaoZedongers
      Link Parent
      Let's be realistic, making people be hyper-enviroconscious with their personal actions is basically a big business psyop to prevent being more heavily regulated and having to cut into profits to...

      Let's be realistic, making people be hyper-enviroconscious with their personal actions is basically a big business psyop to prevent being more heavily regulated and having to cut into profits to stop decimating the earth, the water we drink, and the air we breath, etc. by shifting the blame to the consumers.

      I'm not saying you should be wasteful, but we need to be realistic.

      1,000 or 1,000,000 bread clips makes no difference, not even a fraction of a fraction of a percent.

      14 votes
      1. devilized
        Link Parent
        It's the same thing as all of the time, money, effort and legislation that went into attempting to eliminate plastic straws, which is an infinitesimally tiny percentage of plastic usage and waste.

        It's the same thing as all of the time, money, effort and legislation that went into attempting to eliminate plastic straws, which is an infinitesimally tiny percentage of plastic usage and waste.

        6 votes
      2. [2]
        PuddleOfKittens
        Link Parent
        Ooh, like BP's PR campaign that popularized the term "carbon footprint" in 2005!

        Let's be realistic, making people be hyper-enviroconscious with their personal actions is basically a big business psyop to prevent being more heavily regulated and having to cut into profits to stop decimating the earth, the water we drink, and the air we breath, etc. by shifting the blame to the consumers.

        Ooh, like BP's PR campaign that popularized the term "carbon footprint" in 2005!

        2 votes
        1. MaoZedongers
          Link Parent
          BP is exactly who I was thinking of when I wrote this, that and a few others lol.

          BP is exactly who I was thinking of when I wrote this, that and a few others lol.

          2 votes
  3. [2]
    Carrow
    Link
    I've found ebay is good for this type of thing, try this listing perhaps?

    I've found ebay is good for this type of thing, try this listing perhaps?

    12 votes
    1. hushbucket
      Link Parent
      Nice! Thank you! I also stumbled upon this after posting.

      Nice! Thank you!
      I also stumbled upon this after posting.

      7 votes
  4. [2]
    snakPak
    Link
    This sounds like a great opportunity to get into the fascinating hobby of classifying Occlupanids: https://www.horg.com/horg/?page_id=2

    This sounds like a great opportunity to get into the fascinating hobby of classifying Occlupanids: https://www.horg.com/horg/?page_id=2

    7 votes
  5. [2]
    Habituallytired
    Link
    This is a wonderfully adorable prank and no one is getting hurt! Carry on! Side-note: The best option for these types of people is a bead container to store the bread it.

    This is a wonderfully adorable prank and no one is getting hurt! Carry on!

    Side-note: The best option for these types of people is a bead container to store the bread it.

    5 votes
    1. hushbucket
      Link Parent
      haha thanks. Maybe I'll buy one of those for myself ;)

      haha thanks. Maybe I'll buy one of those for myself ;)

      2 votes
  6. mild_takes
    (edited )
    Link
    Aliexpress Alibaba is way cheaper but you have minimum order quantities and stuff. Meant for bugger buyers. Edit alibaba link. You could maybe ask for their junk as well, but maybe you'll have...

    Aliexpress

    Alibaba is way cheaper but you have minimum order quantities and stuff. Meant for bugger buyers.

    Edit alibaba link. You could maybe ask for their junk as well, but maybe you'll have trouble effectively communicating that.

    5 votes
  7. [2]
    frostycakes
    Link
    I get the humor, but wouldn't a simple reusable bread clip that has a magnet in it to stick to the fridge when not in use solve that problem? Those bag clips break so often in my experience that I...

    I get the humor, but wouldn't a simple reusable bread clip that has a magnet in it to stick to the fridge when not in use solve that problem? Those bag clips break so often in my experience that I have to use a reusable chip/bag clip more often than not.

    As far as the disposable clips, is there a restaurant supply store in your area? I've seen tons of food packaging supplies in bulk at the one near me, and if nothing else, they can probably put you in touch with a distributor or manufacturer of them, assuming the slow boat from China route takes too long.

    2 votes
    1. Deyona
      Link Parent
      I have several clips and also some loops that I can tighten, I use them for everything that's in a bag, or if I put something in a bag it gets clipped. They are amazing since almost everything...

      I have several clips and also some loops that I can tighten, I use them for everything that's in a bag, or if I put something in a bag it gets clipped. They are amazing since almost everything comes in a plastic bag of some sort now

  8. [2]
    GalileoPotato
    Link
    No, but I know a really good, cheap prank you can play on them. Open a Mars bar and get it a little wet by running it under the faucet, but only a bit. Then, kind of move the chocolate around with...

    No, but I know a really good, cheap prank you can play on them. Open a Mars bar and get it a little wet by running it under the faucet, but only a bit. Then, kind of move the chocolate around with your fingers and make a few impressions until it looks like a very convincing Lincoln log. What you do with it at this point is up to you (be cautious not to leave it somewhere where your dogs can eat it, or outside for ants to get to), but I would lay it on your friend's toilet seat. Extra credit for a smear or two. Then, you wait for the results.

    As for what happened with my prank, my brother discovered it and screamed. I went in, grabbed it bare handed, and chased him around the house with it. The joke took a dark turn when I touched his arm with it. He fell on the floor. The look on his face was as if there was no more love in the world. His soul left his body. That was when I needed to confess the truth: it was a Mars bar, not a surprise left by the gardener. It was the best and worst prank I'd ever made on my brother.

    14 votes
    1. JohnnyCache
      Link Parent
      If you had taken a bite out of it at the end, the story - and your relationship with your brother - might have ended quite differently!

      If you had taken a bite out of it at the end, the story - and your relationship with your brother - might have ended quite differently!

      3 votes