Oh no. These are great: low stakes, non contact. One is even paid to consider yes or no. I don't understand social media. At all. I hate this. I hate this with a gutteral, deeply felt fiery...
Pioneered by IT worker turned self-help guru
Oh no.
inviting a stranger to a game of rock, paper, scissors or requesting a lower interest rate from a credit card provider
These are great: low stakes, non contact. One is even paid to consider yes or no.
...on TikTok, where #rejectiontherapy has more than 98m tags
I don't understand social media. At all.
users asking strangers for hugs, .... releasing guttural screams in the gym
I hate this. I hate this with a gutteral, deeply felt fiery passion. Some of us don't care that you're being funny for likes and shares: you might be afraid that we'd laugh at you, meanwhile I'm terrified that you're going to kill me. (Apologies to Margaret Atwood) -- There are so many things for me to consider before I can even begin to feel safe about saying no to a request for a hug: how angry and violent is this person going to turn and thus, can I afford to say no. And by the time we're adults, most women have already been exposed to the early bird creepy huggers who also just wanted to use our bodies for their own momentary satisfaction. If you're going to gutterually scream in the gym, how much time do I have to slowly creep to the exit, and if I am too obviously trying to run, will that make this person turn violent against me.
Please nobody do this and please tell everyone you know who is doing this please no.
These early experiences made me fairly unembarrassable around celebrities
I do believe there's something to this. So maybe people need to engage in socially benign and acceptable forms of rejection, especially when they're young: sell girl guide / boy scout cookies, ask for salvation army donations, work at a cafe and hand out free samples, volunteer for your local shelter to drop off pamphlets....there are so many ways to get gently rejected at least 10% of the time. As an adult, I liked the author's brick layer and train attempts: he probably sounded like he was genuinely interested, and that's one of the golden rules for how to win friends and influence people.
But some of those other suggestions mentioned are terrifying. There are so many prosocial and not downright antisocial ways to boost rejection counts: don't force other human beings to participate in your tech bro therapy that they can't consent to.
While we're at it, I wonder if we can gather in a group, form two groups and take turns asking/rejecting. I would have enormously benefited as a child to be allowed to say no much more frequently than I was socialized for.
Even as a man, if someone starts screaming like a lunatic my brain is going fight or fight. Worse so if I'm actively already putting my nervous system in a 'stressed' state by working out....
users asking strangers for hugs, .... releasing guttural screams in the gym
Even as a man, if someone starts screaming like a lunatic my brain is going fight or fight. Worse so if I'm actively already putting my nervous system in a 'stressed' state by working out. Strangers asking for hugs would also be looked at with suspicion and actively violates my comfort.
That's primarily the problem that you've outlined. The second that the person rejecting you is uncomfortable, your little therapy session has gone too far. Moreso if you're filming it for Tiktok.
I dislike this as well. Not only for the safety disregard and for the overall disregard for basic human decency, but also because of the sheer inauthenticity of it all. These people "gameified"...
users asking strangers for hugs, .... releasing guttural screams in the gym
I hate this. I hate this with a gutteral, deeply felt fiery passion.
I dislike this as well. Not only for the safety disregard and for the overall disregard for basic human decency, but also because of the sheer inauthenticity of it all.
These people "gameified" rejection. It's unsettling. They're not actually being vulnerable and asking someone they somewhat know for a hug because they want true comfort and support, they're doing it "just because." They're not screaming because they're in pain and therefore showing vulnerability as a human because they're in a weakened state, or screaming because they're scared, no, they're screaming "just because." It's inauthentic and I think they are disrespecting themselves (by intentionally trying to "humiliate" themselves) and also disrespecting other people (by making them forced participants in their "humiliation games"). This is just going to make them form thick callouses around actual vulnerability and any attempts at genuine human connection, as they continue practicing inauthentic behaviors. This isn't therapy, this is anti-therapy.
While we're at it, I wonder if we can gather in a group, form two groups and take turns asking/rejecting. I would have enormously benefited as a child to be allowed to say no much more frequently than I was socialized for.
That actually sounds like a really good exercise. I am a person who definitely has trouble saying "no" and enforcing boundaries. Doing it in a safe group where we all know it's acting and for intentional practicing purposes would probably help.
I like the sound of this idea, but I'm not sure I "get it". Can you say more about what you're picturing with this?
While we're at it, I wonder if we can gather in a group, form two groups and take turns asking/rejecting. I would have enormously benefited as a child to be allowed to say no much more frequently than I was socialized for.
I like the sound of this idea, but I'm not sure I "get it". Can you say more about what you're picturing with this?
Imagine speed dating but you only say no. "You wanna go out for coffee?" "No" "Can I borrow a pen?" "No" "Can you remind me what day it is?" "No" *buzzer goes off* and you switch partners. Lots of...
Imagine speed dating but you only say no. "You wanna go out for coffee?" "No" "Can I borrow a pen?" "No" "Can you remind me what day it is?" "No" *buzzer goes off* and you switch partners.
Lots of no and everyone is aware that the answer is no so no one feels pressured to say yes.
It probably would benefit people but if counseling school, and doing case management and mental health training have taught me anything, people HATE roleplaying practice skills Though using things...
It probably would benefit people but if counseling school, and doing case management and mental health training have taught me anything, people HATE roleplaying practice skills
Though using things like TTRPGs and LARP to try out things in a minimal risk environment is ALSO a great idea.
I watched a video from the guy who acquired Rejection Therapy after he learned about it and then made himself 100 challenges to do in 100 days (and filmed it with a hidden camera). They were...
I watched a video from the guy who acquired Rejection Therapy after he learned about it and then made himself 100 challenges to do in 100 days (and filmed it with a hidden camera). They were innocuous but embarrassing things and it actually really resonated with me. The challenges were things like ask for a burger refill or ask Krispy Kreme to make a donut shaped like the Olympic rings. Of course TikTok is going to make it awful, but the original idea was actually pretty good.
I'm a photographer and I've always wanted to do street portraits but am to scared to approach strangers. I recently took a sales job at a retail location that's pretty hands on with their guests....
I'm a photographer and I've always wanted to do street portraits but am to scared to approach strangers.
I recently took a sales job at a retail location that's pretty hands on with their guests. I had to ask everyone I saw if they needed anything/had any questions and was "rejected" plenty of times. I haven't tried yet to see if maybe I'll be less scared to ask a stranger if I can take their portrait but I can see how something like that will help. Pretty safe way to get that exposure IMO.
I like the idea, but the challenges could probably be better thought out. Seems like a great idea if the challenge is unlikely to succeed but has some chance of generating a nice social...
I like the idea, but the challenges could probably be better thought out. Seems like a great idea if the challenge is unlikely to succeed but has some chance of generating a nice social interaction. Asking a vendor for free stuff is just being a jerk. Then there's a whole paragraph about feeling anxiety about trying to force yourself to do weird and creepy things like asking to push someone's baby stroller, which really should make you feel anxious because it's just harassing people. The bits about the bricklayer and the train announcement made me smile though.
I wish there'd been more discussion about the results or any changes in mental state over the course of the month beyond "didn't make the writer immune from fear." Was the last challenge easier than the first challenge? Any effects on the author's behavior in normal life afterwards? Kind of seems like this article was written immediately after completing the challenge.
I was climbing with a friend in Canada, and he was from Canada but lived in the US. We went to a store and he loaded up on Canadian candy he couldn't get in the States, and asked the cashier if...
I was climbing with a friend in Canada, and he was from Canada but lived in the US. We went to a store and he loaded up on Canadian candy he couldn't get in the States, and asked the cashier if they could get a discount as a Canadian who missed their candy. Lo and behold, the cashier calls the manager, the manager gives a laugh and puts in a 10% discount.
This was before you could easily get international candy online, so maybe things have changed, but never underestimate the power of shared identity, an easy smile, friendly banter, and snack food.
Is it? I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask if a retailer will give you two for the price of one. Related to this, a general gripe I have is with people who in a chain hotel regularly...
Asking a vendor for free stuff is just being a jerk.
Is it? I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask if a retailer will give you two for the price of one.
Related to this, a general gripe I have is with people who in a chain hotel regularly frequented by business travellers (e.g. a Hilton) will not ask for an upgrade "if they haven't explicitly paid for it" (or something similar). It's a business hotel. The receptionist is probably asked this literally by literally every second guest. They don't care if they're talking to you about an upgrade, especially when the alternative is asking the next person for their passport number. It's also what they are paid to do. A room upgrade is a rounding error on the Hilton balance sheet.
Then there's a whole paragraph about feeling anxiety about trying to force yourself to do weird and creepy things like asking to push someone's baby stroller, which really should make you feel anxious because it's just harassing people.
To be fair the author also immediately dismisses the idea for this reason.
I am very skeptical at the effectiveness of this, seeing as it seems to be another social media fad, but damn did I find myself invested in the writing. Thanks for sharing this.
I am very skeptical at the effectiveness of this, seeing as it seems to be another social media fad, but damn did I find myself invested in the writing. Thanks for sharing this.
Oh no.
These are great: low stakes, non contact. One is even paid to consider yes or no.
I don't understand social media. At all.
I hate this. I hate this with a gutteral, deeply felt fiery passion. Some of us don't care that you're being funny for likes and shares: you might be afraid that we'd laugh at you, meanwhile I'm terrified that you're going to kill me. (Apologies to Margaret Atwood) -- There are so many things for me to consider before I can even begin to feel safe about saying no to a request for a hug: how angry and violent is this person going to turn and thus, can I afford to say no. And by the time we're adults, most women have already been exposed to the early bird creepy huggers who also just wanted to use our bodies for their own momentary satisfaction. If you're going to gutterually scream in the gym, how much time do I have to slowly creep to the exit, and if I am too obviously trying to run, will that make this person turn violent against me.
Please nobody do this and please tell everyone you know who is doing this please no.
I do believe there's something to this. So maybe people need to engage in socially benign and acceptable forms of rejection, especially when they're young: sell girl guide / boy scout cookies, ask for salvation army donations, work at a cafe and hand out free samples, volunteer for your local shelter to drop off pamphlets....there are so many ways to get gently rejected at least 10% of the time. As an adult, I liked the author's brick layer and train attempts: he probably sounded like he was genuinely interested, and that's one of the golden rules for how to win friends and influence people.
But some of those other suggestions mentioned are terrifying. There are so many prosocial and not downright antisocial ways to boost rejection counts: don't force other human beings to participate in your tech bro therapy that they can't consent to.
While we're at it, I wonder if we can gather in a group, form two groups and take turns asking/rejecting. I would have enormously benefited as a child to be allowed to say no much more frequently than I was socialized for.
Even as a man, if someone starts screaming like a lunatic my brain is going fight or fight. Worse so if I'm actively already putting my nervous system in a 'stressed' state by working out. Strangers asking for hugs would also be looked at with suspicion and actively violates my comfort.
That's primarily the problem that you've outlined. The second that the person rejecting you is uncomfortable, your little therapy session has gone too far. Moreso if you're filming it for Tiktok.
Totally agree that asking strangers for hugs or any similar behaviour is a big no-no.
I dislike this as well. Not only for the safety disregard and for the overall disregard for basic human decency, but also because of the sheer inauthenticity of it all.
These people "gameified" rejection. It's unsettling. They're not actually being vulnerable and asking someone they somewhat know for a hug because they want true comfort and support, they're doing it "just because." They're not screaming because they're in pain and therefore showing vulnerability as a human because they're in a weakened state, or screaming because they're scared, no, they're screaming "just because." It's inauthentic and I think they are disrespecting themselves (by intentionally trying to "humiliate" themselves) and also disrespecting other people (by making them forced participants in their "humiliation games"). This is just going to make them form thick callouses around actual vulnerability and any attempts at genuine human connection, as they continue practicing inauthentic behaviors. This isn't therapy, this is anti-therapy.
That actually sounds like a really good exercise. I am a person who definitely has trouble saying "no" and enforcing boundaries. Doing it in a safe group where we all know it's acting and for intentional practicing purposes would probably help.
I like the sound of this idea, but I'm not sure I "get it". Can you say more about what you're picturing with this?
Imagine speed dating but you only say no. "You wanna go out for coffee?" "No" "Can I borrow a pen?" "No" "Can you remind me what day it is?" "No" *buzzer goes off* and you switch partners.
Lots of no and everyone is aware that the answer is no so no one feels pressured to say yes.
Yes! Exactly like this! I need this. -..-
It probably would benefit people but if counseling school, and doing case management and mental health training have taught me anything, people HATE roleplaying practice skills
Though using things like TTRPGs and LARP to try out things in a minimal risk environment is ALSO a great idea.
Have you heard of the game Say No More? It's about the power of saying No!
Hahaha "NO" :D that game description sounds delightful thank you for the recommendation
I watched a video from the guy who acquired Rejection Therapy after he learned about it and then made himself 100 challenges to do in 100 days (and filmed it with a hidden camera). They were innocuous but embarrassing things and it actually really resonated with me. The challenges were things like ask for a burger refill or ask Krispy Kreme to make a donut shaped like the Olympic rings. Of course TikTok is going to make it awful, but the original idea was actually pretty good.
I'm a photographer and I've always wanted to do street portraits but am to scared to approach strangers.
I recently took a sales job at a retail location that's pretty hands on with their guests. I had to ask everyone I saw if they needed anything/had any questions and was "rejected" plenty of times. I haven't tried yet to see if maybe I'll be less scared to ask a stranger if I can take their portrait but I can see how something like that will help. Pretty safe way to get that exposure IMO.
Similarly worried, though after reading the author at least seems to have some basic human decency and knows when too much is too much.
I like the idea, but the challenges could probably be better thought out. Seems like a great idea if the challenge is unlikely to succeed but has some chance of generating a nice social interaction. Asking a vendor for free stuff is just being a jerk. Then there's a whole paragraph about feeling anxiety about trying to force yourself to do weird and creepy things like asking to push someone's baby stroller, which really should make you feel anxious because it's just harassing people. The bits about the bricklayer and the train announcement made me smile though.
I wish there'd been more discussion about the results or any changes in mental state over the course of the month beyond "didn't make the writer immune from fear." Was the last challenge easier than the first challenge? Any effects on the author's behavior in normal life afterwards? Kind of seems like this article was written immediately after completing the challenge.
I was climbing with a friend in Canada, and he was from Canada but lived in the US. We went to a store and he loaded up on Canadian candy he couldn't get in the States, and asked the cashier if they could get a discount as a Canadian who missed their candy. Lo and behold, the cashier calls the manager, the manager gives a laugh and puts in a 10% discount.
This was before you could easily get international candy online, so maybe things have changed, but never underestimate the power of shared identity, an easy smile, friendly banter, and snack food.
Is it? I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask if a retailer will give you two for the price of one.
Related to this, a general gripe I have is with people who in a chain hotel regularly frequented by business travellers (e.g. a Hilton) will not ask for an upgrade "if they haven't explicitly paid for it" (or something similar). It's a business hotel. The receptionist is probably asked this literally by literally every second guest. They don't care if they're talking to you about an upgrade, especially when the alternative is asking the next person for their passport number. It's also what they are paid to do. A room upgrade is a rounding error on the Hilton balance sheet.
To be fair the author also immediately dismisses the idea for this reason.
Oh I didn't know it was even possible to ask for an upgrade. Will try that next time thanks :D
I am very skeptical at the effectiveness of this, seeing as it seems to be another social media fad, but damn did I find myself invested in the writing. Thanks for sharing this.
Sorry, just realised I meant to post this in ~life.
Moved.