Activities to do out of the house with an elderly relative?
Hello Tildutes!
I have an elderly relative (91) who spends a lot of time alone in her house. I was thinking it would be nice to do an offbeat bonding activity in town somewhere to relax her.
I’m looking for suggestions on things she might enjoy, ideally something interactive but low-stakes.
Requirements/notes:
- Something one can do in a place like Newark, Wilmington, or maybe Philadelphia.
- She can walk and stand (her cane helps), but not too fast or for too long. She would need to sit.
- She can see alright with her glasses and can hear you with hearing aids, but not from a distance.
- She is astute and can follow conversations just fine, thought it can take a moment for her to put together her thoughts.
- I’d like to get her out of the house—managing her own living space is stressful and she is more relaxed when she does not feel obliged to be hostly.
- I would like this to be calming or relaxing or refreshing for her. She has some obsessive/compulsive habits and I kind of want her to zen out more. Or just have fun—she’s often worrying.
Some ideas I had (input/feedback/additional suggestions welcome):
- Some sort of guided meditative or zen garden-type relaxation thing, but suitable for a kinda tired senior with OCD. I don’t know what to look for exactly. Maybe even something a little New Age. She is nominally Quaker and I would say a good-natured and open-minded person.
- She mentioned once that her dream job was to be an artist. I was thinking about an abstract painting session at a studio where they provide all the materials. Some way for her to let out her inner Jackson Pollock?
- I thought about a spa day. Do they have specialists who work with seniors? She has some aches and pains but is obviously fragile and extremely unused to being “treated.” She might have to overcome some… guilt (?) for being attended to.
- Some sort of guided cultural experience—but maybe more engaging than walking around a museum? She is well-traveled and remains interested in world cultures. She used to be a teacher of English and French, spent a considerable amount of time volunteering in Mexico (before it was developed), and seems to often appreciate learning about cultural things on Wikipedia or in magazines.
- She seems to be quite pleased with animals, at least cats and dogs. I considered going to a cat cafe but, having been in those before, I know the animals are not always accessible. Are puppy cafes a thing? Indoor petting zoos?
In contrast it would be unsuitable for us to play any sort of competitive game, or to do something requiring a lot of physical strength or dexterity, or anything that would be emotionally overwhelming.
If you have experiences of activities or programs that might be fulfilling to my relative, I would love to hear them!
My goal is mostly just for her to have a nice time for that day. If I can get her to be more relaxed generally, that’s great too.
Thank you!
I have been a caretaker for my elderly mom and a devoted niece to an elderly aunt. Their response to your plans would have been wildly different.
I would recommend to not spring a surprise on your relative. Older people deal with a lot of loss of autonomy and personal control. Even the best-intentioned plan may make her feel like she's being forced to do something unless you have her buy-in from the beginning.
Also, instead of doing a big thing, maybe consider something super small and low-key. Is there a shop she likes but doesn't get to these days? Is there a nice walk you could take around her neighborhood or nearby? If the small thing goes well, she may feel more positive about something bigger, and the small thing will give you an opportunity to gauge what she may need to be successful in a larger trip. (like how important is it that she has bathroom access, or how well can she get in and out of your car, for example.) You don't mention if this is a one time thing, like if your are visiting from out of state, or you expect to be able to do this more than once. Either way, a successful small outing will promote better shared memories than trying to push for something big that may be more than she can really handle--unless the big thing is her idea.
In my mom's case, even small trips were exhausting and stressful. and she was happier to have the world come to her and spend time in her yard. In my aunt's case, she really wanted to go do things, but had limitations we had to find ways to work with.
I think it's awesome that you are wanting to share your time and help your relative enjoy herself. I hope it ends up being an excellent day that lives in both of your memories.
I don't know how to reply to the person who gave this an exemplary tag. It's my first! Thanks for that!
It's stereotypical, but is bingo an option? There's a local community center that we take my grandmother to. Turned out to be more fun than I expected, I look forward to it too even though I haven't won yet. And whatever places host bingo might have other activities she can join, too.
I would think just getting outside in nature would be good. Have you considered going to a park or lake when it gets warmer? You should be able to find one that has drive up access. Maybe someplace where they can watch kids playing, or maybe a picnic by a dog park?
For the winter, maybe going to an aquarium or a botanical garden? The ones we have here (Pittsburgh) have places you can sit and just "take it in".
My experience with folks of that age is that they might not have stamina for much so an hour or two and a nice meal out might be plenty.
For "new age" stuff, I have been doing a practice that is a mixture of qigong and yoga, and it is quite good. They should be able to adapt to her physical limitations.
For the artistic side, a session at a ceramics painting place? You pay per piece, paint them while sitting and they fire them for you and you pick it up later.
If you're planning a walk or she needs to rest (especially on the way back from wherever, when she may be tired or overwhelmed), you might consider a small, light-weight, sling-able folding chair or stool. Another option might be a rollator (one of those walkers with a built-in seat), though she might react with resistance and they can be expensive. Does she live in a situation where these things are borrow-able? (Some assisted living places have one you can borrow.)