19 votes

Activities to do out of the house with an elderly relative?

Hello Tildutes!

I have an elderly relative (91) who spends a lot of time alone in her house. I was thinking it would be nice to do an offbeat bonding activity in town somewhere to relax her.

I’m looking for suggestions on things she might enjoy, ideally something interactive but low-stakes.

Requirements/notes:

  • Something one can do in a place like Newark, Wilmington, or maybe Philadelphia.
  • She can walk and stand (her cane helps), but not too fast or for too long. She would need to sit.
  • She can see alright with her glasses and can hear you with hearing aids, but not from a distance.
  • She is astute and can follow conversations just fine, thought it can take a moment for her to put together her thoughts.
  • I’d like to get her out of the house—managing her own living space is stressful and she is more relaxed when she does not feel obliged to be hostly.
  • I would like this to be calming or relaxing or refreshing for her. She has some obsessive/compulsive habits and I kind of want her to zen out more. Or just have fun—she’s often worrying.

Some ideas I had (input/feedback/additional suggestions welcome):

  • Some sort of guided meditative or zen garden-type relaxation thing, but suitable for a kinda tired senior with OCD. I don’t know what to look for exactly. Maybe even something a little New Age. She is nominally Quaker and I would say a good-natured and open-minded person.
  • She mentioned once that her dream job was to be an artist. I was thinking about an abstract painting session at a studio where they provide all the materials. Some way for her to let out her inner Jackson Pollock?
  • I thought about a spa day. Do they have specialists who work with seniors? She has some aches and pains but is obviously fragile and extremely unused to being “treated.” She might have to overcome some… guilt (?) for being attended to.
  • Some sort of guided cultural experience—but maybe more engaging than walking around a museum? She is well-traveled and remains interested in world cultures. She used to be a teacher of English and French, spent a considerable amount of time volunteering in Mexico (before it was developed), and seems to often appreciate learning about cultural things on Wikipedia or in magazines.
  • She seems to be quite pleased with animals, at least cats and dogs. I considered going to a cat cafe but, having been in those before, I know the animals are not always accessible. Are puppy cafes a thing? Indoor petting zoos?

In contrast it would be unsuitable for us to play any sort of competitive game, or to do something requiring a lot of physical strength or dexterity, or anything that would be emotionally overwhelming.

If you have experiences of activities or programs that might be fulfilling to my relative, I would love to hear them!

My goal is mostly just for her to have a nice time for that day. If I can get her to be more relaxed generally, that’s great too.

Thank you!

10 comments

  1. [3]
    ahatlikethat
    Link
    I have been a caretaker for my elderly mom and a devoted niece to an elderly aunt. Their response to your plans would have been wildly different. I would recommend to not spring a surprise on your...
    • Exemplary

    I have been a caretaker for my elderly mom and a devoted niece to an elderly aunt. Their response to your plans would have been wildly different.

    I would recommend to not spring a surprise on your relative. Older people deal with a lot of loss of autonomy and personal control. Even the best-intentioned plan may make her feel like she's being forced to do something unless you have her buy-in from the beginning.

    Also, instead of doing a big thing, maybe consider something super small and low-key. Is there a shop she likes but doesn't get to these days? Is there a nice walk you could take around her neighborhood or nearby? If the small thing goes well, she may feel more positive about something bigger, and the small thing will give you an opportunity to gauge what she may need to be successful in a larger trip. (like how important is it that she has bathroom access, or how well can she get in and out of your car, for example.) You don't mention if this is a one time thing, like if your are visiting from out of state, or you expect to be able to do this more than once. Either way, a successful small outing will promote better shared memories than trying to push for something big that may be more than she can really handle--unless the big thing is her idea.

    In my mom's case, even small trips were exhausting and stressful. and she was happier to have the world come to her and spend time in her yard. In my aunt's case, she really wanted to go do things, but had limitations we had to find ways to work with.

    I think it's awesome that you are wanting to share your time and help your relative enjoy herself. I hope it ends up being an excellent day that lives in both of your memories.

    32 votes
    1. ahatlikethat
      Link Parent
      I don't know how to reply to the person who gave this an exemplary tag. It's my first! Thanks for that!

      I don't know how to reply to the person who gave this an exemplary tag. It's my first! Thanks for that!

      5 votes
    2. Baeocystin
      Link Parent
      I was the caregiver for both of my parents as they aged, and I just want to second everything @ahatlikethat said, especially the parts about not springing a surprise, and keeping their autonomy in...

      I was the caregiver for both of my parents as they aged, and I just want to second everything @ahatlikethat said, especially the parts about not springing a surprise, and keeping their autonomy in mind. If you have the time and availability, starting small, and building a habit of successful smaller-scale outings is, IMO, the way to go. Establishing new patterns is possible, but it's also very easy to bite off more than they can chew, and make things, even fun, desired ones, more exhausting than exhilarating.

      No matter what, I think it's awesome that you are doing this for your relative, and I hope you both have a great time together.

      4 votes
  2. DefinitelyNotAFae
    Link
    For the artistic side, a session at a ceramics painting place? You pay per piece, paint them while sitting and they fire them for you and you pick it up later.

    For the artistic side, a session at a ceramics painting place? You pay per piece, paint them while sitting and they fire them for you and you pick it up later.

    6 votes
  3. first-must-burn
    Link
    I would think just getting outside in nature would be good. Have you considered going to a park or lake when it gets warmer? You should be able to find one that has drive up access. Maybe...

    I would think just getting outside in nature would be good. Have you considered going to a park or lake when it gets warmer? You should be able to find one that has drive up access. Maybe someplace where they can watch kids playing, or maybe a picnic by a dog park?

    For the winter, maybe going to an aquarium or a botanical garden? The ones we have here (Pittsburgh) have places you can sit and just "take it in".

    My experience with folks of that age is that they might not have stamina for much so an hour or two and a nice meal out might be plenty.

    For "new age" stuff, I have been doing a practice that is a mixture of qigong and yoga, and it is quite good. They should be able to adapt to her physical limitations.

    5 votes
  4. [3]
    CannibalisticApple
    Link
    It's stereotypical, but is bingo an option? There's a local community center that we take my grandmother to. Turned out to be more fun than I expected, I look forward to it too even though I...

    It's stereotypical, but is bingo an option? There's a local community center that we take my grandmother to. Turned out to be more fun than I expected, I look forward to it too even though I haven't won yet. And whatever places host bingo might have other activities she can join, too.

    4 votes
    1. [2]
      NeonBright
      Link Parent
      Oh, please, please not bingo; or at least, do your due diligence ahead of time! The frail elderly in my family loathe and detest bingo, and it is all they ever seem to be offered. While there are...

      Oh, please, please not bingo; or at least, do your due diligence ahead of time!
      The frail elderly in my family loathe and detest bingo, and it is all they ever seem to be offered.
      While there are certainly some that love it, there are also those that absolutely do not.

      Plus, bingo is very widely offered and available to almost any senior person, and I think OP is looking for something that is a bit more of a stretch than this.

      1 vote
      1. CannibalisticApple
        Link Parent
        I know it's not everyone's cup of tea, but it's offered so much to seniors for a reason. Fits the criteria of sitting down, not competitive and getting out of the house. Same for falling into a...

        I know it's not everyone's cup of tea, but it's offered so much to seniors for a reason. Fits the criteria of sitting down, not competitive and getting out of the house. Same for falling into a zen state, the game we play has sheets with six boards so I'm constantly scanning them to make sure I didn't miss a number. On that note, the experience might vary between hosts/venues? I've only played it at the one place, but my aunts were thrown off when they joined us because it has multiple rounds with unique rulesets (never just a straight line, need to have a cluster or four corners).

        At the very least, looking into places that host bingo might reveal other events or activities that she can join though. This is especially true if it's at a place that doesn't cater specifically to senior citizens, since like you said, they always seem to be offered the same stuff to do. There might be something on the schedule that would never have occurred to you.

  5. Akir
    Link
    @ahatlikethat's advice is very, very good. My general recommendation for just about anyone is to take them "out", to a nonspecific shopping area. IMHO you get bonus points for being a...

    @ahatlikethat's advice is very, very good.

    My general recommendation for just about anyone is to take them "out", to a nonspecific shopping area. IMHO you get bonus points for being a 'destination' area outside either of your regular prowls, maybe something that will take you about an hour to get to, like in the next county.

    I live in the greater Los Angeles metropolitan area, so there's no end of choices that meet that description, but I'll give you one of my late grandmother's favorite places as an example: Oak Glen. The place is not fancy to say the least; it's a small area with a bunch of apple orchards, farmer's markets, and a few rustic restaurants and gift shops. The only hotel there that I'm aware of is a small bed and breakfast, so while it's a destination, it's not really 'touristy'. You go, you shop, you fill your belly with the sweetest apples you will ever taste, and you go home. Such a place is good for older people, I think, because it's actually a bunch of places that are fairly far away from eachother for the most part, so you drive to one place and then sit in the car while you drive to another.

    Honestly, even without the destination I'd probably recommend going to a you-pick fruit field with them if you have one relatively close with fruit that's in season. Even if they can't pick the fruit well, it will be a good memory. Plus fresh fruit can often be better than the best fancy manmade dessert you can buy. that being said, maybe save the occasion for a warmer season....

    Another thing I might suggest is to look at the website for your local community center (and the one near your relative if it's different) and see if there's any activities you can do together. If your goal is to spend time with them out of the house, doing a class together one day every week for a few weeks might do more for them than a single day out.

    Honestly, just think of the things you have in your brain as old person cliches. They're cliche for a reason. while you're looking at your community center programs, see if there are any senior trips they schedule and take that trip with them - independantly of the community, though - they probably won't let you on the bus and you might want to spend more time with them rather than meeting with everyone anyways.

    Edit: I forgot the most obvious thing. Just ask them where they want to go. They're adults. They probably have an idea of things they'd like to do but wouldn't want to do it by themselves for any number of reasons, from health to simply not wanting to do them alone. Be the person who enables them. They'll thank you.

    4 votes
  6. Earhart_Light
    Link
    If you're planning a walk or she needs to rest (especially on the way back from wherever, when she may be tired or overwhelmed), you might consider a small, light-weight, sling-able folding chair...

    If you're planning a walk or she needs to rest (especially on the way back from wherever, when she may be tired or overwhelmed), you might consider a small, light-weight, sling-able folding chair or stool. Another option might be a rollator (one of those walkers with a built-in seat), though she might react with resistance and they can be expensive. Does she live in a situation where these things are borrow-able? (Some assisted living places have one you can borrow.)

    3 votes