If I imagine the loading bar to forever be progressing in infinitesimally small increments towards things being okay, but it's not there yet, it works a little for me.
If I imagine the loading bar to forever be progressing in infinitesimally small increments towards things being okay, but it's not there yet, it works a little for me.
Totally agree. The only thing you can change is yourself. The rest of doing therapy is about learning the tools to deal with a world that is the way it is whether you like it or not. This is even...
Totally agree. The only thing you can change is yourself. The rest of doing therapy is about learning the tools to deal with a world that is the way it is whether you like it or not.
This is even true in couples therapy. The best advice I ever heard for couples therapy was, "draw a circle around yourself, and work on everyone in that circle".
Except that's not even true: in a clearly abusive situation, the only sensible advice is to report that manager, leave that work site, end that relationship etc. Under regular circumstances, yes...
Except that's not even true: in a clearly abusive situation, the only sensible advice is to report that manager, leave that work site, end that relationship etc.
Under regular circumstances, yes change the person in the circle. But folks who grew up in less than supporting environments need help recognising a dangerous or harmful situation where the correct solution is not to suck it up, pretend everything is great, and keep accommodating.
And sometimes it's really damn hard to convince people that the situation is actually terrible. Even when they learn all the details, it can be hard to believe things are actually that bad....
And sometimes it's really damn hard to convince people that the situation is actually terrible. Even when they learn all the details, it can be hard to believe things are actually that bad.
Especially for children, it's heartbreaking how much abusive parents can get away with...
Most people tend to behave in a funny way when faced with a facet of reality that is so horrific, the mind protects itself by refusing to accept the conclusion to facts laid out. Is the victim...
Most people tend to behave in a funny way when faced with a facet of reality that is so horrific, the mind protects itself by refusing to accept the conclusion to facts laid out. Is the victim believable? Yes. Could it have happened? Yes. Did it? Likely. So what's the problem? Surely it can't be that bad.
It's like trying to talk about a trillion dollars with someone struggling to make this month's rent by $50. There's a logical acceptance that yes we all have money troubles and it sounds like a trillion is bigger, but maybe like, a hundred times worse? A thousand? A million, surely?
When it comes to parental neglect / abuse, it's really difficult to convey how it can be a trillion times worse. That some time and distance and some one sided forgiveness and positive spin can't bridge that same gap everyone has, that nobody's parents were perfect and they were trying their best.
Oh, I didn't mean to imply that anyone should not leave an abusive situation. Just that the other person may or may not choose change, the situation may or may not be acceptable, but the only...
Oh, I didn't mean to imply that anyone should not leave an abusive situation. Just that the other person may or may not choose change, the situation may or may not be acceptable, but the only person you can actually make change is yourself.
I talk to a surprising number of people who think therapy is going "fix" them with no work (hence @NaraVara 's original comment about "make everything okay", or that, in the case of couples therapy, they are going to "fix" the problems with the other person.
A Russian website from 2011. "Message: And the whole world will not be enough for them." I would be much more disposed to agree with the website back then.
A Russian website from 2011. "Message: And the whole world will not be enough for them."
I would be much more disposed to agree with the website back then.
I tried it, but ICE is still in our city :(
If I imagine the loading bar to forever be progressing in infinitesimally small increments towards things being okay, but it's not there yet, it works a little for me.
if they all suddenly drop dead, i’ll send you a nice bottle of scotch
It says to check your settings for objective reality, which I think is the problem. Objective reality doesn’t exist!
This is unironically how a lot of people seem to think therapy works.
Totally agree. The only thing you can change is yourself. The rest of doing therapy is about learning the tools to deal with a world that is the way it is whether you like it or not.
This is even true in couples therapy. The best advice I ever heard for couples therapy was, "draw a circle around yourself, and work on everyone in that circle".
Except that's not even true: in a clearly abusive situation, the only sensible advice is to report that manager, leave that work site, end that relationship etc.
Under regular circumstances, yes change the person in the circle. But folks who grew up in less than supporting environments need help recognising a dangerous or harmful situation where the correct solution is not to suck it up, pretend everything is great, and keep accommodating.
And sometimes it's really damn hard to convince people that the situation is actually terrible. Even when they learn all the details, it can be hard to believe things are actually that bad.
Especially for children, it's heartbreaking how much abusive parents can get away with...
Most people tend to behave in a funny way when faced with a facet of reality that is so horrific, the mind protects itself by refusing to accept the conclusion to facts laid out. Is the victim believable? Yes. Could it have happened? Yes. Did it? Likely. So what's the problem? Surely it can't be that bad.
It's like trying to talk about a trillion dollars with someone struggling to make this month's rent by $50. There's a logical acceptance that yes we all have money troubles and it sounds like a trillion is bigger, but maybe like, a hundred times worse? A thousand? A million, surely?
When it comes to parental neglect / abuse, it's really difficult to convey how it can be a trillion times worse. That some time and distance and some one sided forgiveness and positive spin can't bridge that same gap everyone has, that nobody's parents were perfect and they were trying their best.
Oh, I didn't mean to imply that anyone should not leave an abusive situation. Just that the other person may or may not choose change, the situation may or may not be acceptable, but the only person you can actually make change is yourself.
I talk to a surprising number of people who think therapy is going "fix" them with no work (hence @NaraVara 's original comment about "make everything okay", or that, in the case of couples therapy, they are going to "fix" the problems with the other person.
It's the kind my employer will pay for lol
Completely unrealistic.
That loading bar went smoothly from 0 to 100% instead of going to 87% really quickly and then hanging there for 2 minutes.
that works! yay!
Cute.
Sidebar: Why does the site require Google APIs to make everything okay?
A Russian website from 2011. "Message: And the whole world will not be enough for them."
I would be much more disposed to agree with the website back then.