A perfect example of what it means to be anti-racist
I've wondered before what it means to be anti-racist. I recall once asking online and got a not so helpful response of "well maybe you should think about that". But today my friend exemplified the idea.
He was sitting in a bus in San Francisco when an older white man started yelling racist shit at someone else on the bus. My friend is a model citizen. The kind of guy to call in issues to 311 as he's walking home. A frequent volunteer as well. So when he saw this altercation he stood up and got in front of the yelling man. That was enough to interrupt him. But more action was needed. Justice was needed.
He just so happened to have a need to relieve some gas. And so he aimed... and fired right onto the guy. When he walked off he turned to the racist and said "To be clear, I farted on you intentionally because of what you said". I'm told the face he got in response was exactly the same as Hide the Pain Harold's.
We should all strive for this level of bravery. And maybe, one fart at a time, we can end racism.
Safety issues aside, I need to start doing this in real life when people start talking nonsense. Not the fart in their face part but the get up make eye contact, "to be clear, I'm leaving intentionally because of what you said" part. I was raised to be respectful and defer to my seniors and elders but it feels necessary now to change that. I'm not going to argue with them, I'm just going to make eye contact and clearly state why I'm removing myself from their conversation.
I'm not knowledgeable in the subject but to add to your comment; this matches up with the de-escalation methods I've read in the past. Stating limits/borders and consequences that only involve your agency rather than other person seems to be the main subjects when dealing with problematic people.
For instance, "if you keep shouting X I'm going to leave" does both perfectly. And it makes sense too because nobody wants to have their agency taken from them. So, if you were to lets say, threaten the person with removing them from the place, it only serves to provoke them. And you're right to avoid flatulence part since we can safely consider that a provocation as well. Aim is to disarm the person, not get them defensive. Although unexpected -and somewhat crazy- behaviour also has that effect but that is entirely different.
Lastly, if anyone can recommend sources for me to read about the subject, I'd be open to learn more. Because, as much as reading this topic was hilarious, I'm not certain if it's the safest way to deal with problematic people.
They're going to take it badly no matter what, I think. Folks like that have a lifetime of externalizing shame into anger: the if - then language in your example will be heard as a threat. Any answer to 'Why are you leaveing' will be perceived as a threat as well.
Even if I get up and silently leave, that will upset them. Even if I were horrible enough to laugh along, if I'm not loud enough it could upset them also. I don't have hope for some specific people I'm thinking about anymore, I can only aim to remove myself from their prescence.
Edit: I've also recently come to be convinced that these specific types of people I'm thinking of do not respond to reality and truth and facts, they only respond to authority that lines up with their power alignment. If I were their senior or their manager or a cop or a rep in their party, no matter how I act or what I say, my actions will be respected. For someone not in their power alignment, even the Son of God won't be respected.
Not reading, but a real remote training session could be helpful for anyone who wants an actual strategy for intervening as a bystander. I highly recommend signing up for a 5Ds Bystander Intervention training session.
I like standing up and staring silently at people like this.
I'm not a super imposing person being only 5'7", but I've found silent and intentional staring with an intense face to be effective because it throws people off. Like really stare at them like you're staring into their soul They expect to get a rise out of you and when you don't play that game and don't back down intimidated it knocks them off balance. It's typically not a reaction those kinds of people expect or know how to deal with.
I've done this a couple times on public transport and when I've seen people getting harassed.
Coincidentally it also works very well on Canadian geese too.
As far as safety issues, I have a general disregard for my personal safety in these cases because I've realized that too many people give in to the bystander effect due to fear over their own safety, and that kind of thing is what gives assholes the bold confidence to harm or threaten anyone of their choosing which is what ends up causing the exact situations that make people fear for their safety. I try not to be stupid about it of course, but in my experience these people are quickly diffused by even the smallest amount of push-back.
That's hilarious that The (Paddington Bear) Hard Stare also works on Canada Geese -- I fully believe you , taking a firm stance works on my Emdens. And you're right about these confrontationa being mostly safe as well, in real life.... If more of us do it rising tide etc.
We will need to learn to fart on command
Some of us need to learn to not fart on command.
So I hear.
Teach me senpai, please.
This reminds me of one of the most surreal experiences of my life.
I grew up in Atlanta, and when I was in high school, I used to take MARTA (Atlanta's public transportation system) home after school.
When you regularly take public transportation, you kind of get to know the other commuters you're always crossing paths with. Even if you don't normally talk to each other, you still recognize each other, and you end up looking out for each other when something goes awry.
This doesn't happen so much when you're just a one-time stranger passing through.
One time, due to a bus mix up, I ended up at a train station I'd never been to before.
For context, this was before cell phones were common. Also for context, I was a 16-year-old white schoolgirl, and all of the other people on the platform at this particular station were Black and nearly all men. From my perspective, this was a completely normal demographic breakdown for a weekday afternoon (I rode MARTA all the time), but because I'd never been to this station, I probably stood out to the regular commuters. However, as is the norm at train stations, everyone on the platform ignored me completely.
But then a man approached me and started talking like we knew each other. His speech was very slurred and I couldn't actually understand what he was saying, so I was just nodding along to be polite and hoping the train would hurry up. I guess I agreed to something I didn't mean to, because then he took my hand and tried to lead me out of the station.
Without a word, about 10-ish men (a large chunk of the people waiting on the platform) all casually walked over and formed a physical wall between me and the man, all facing away from me toward him. He kept trying to push through them to get to me, but they didn't budge until the MARTA police showed up to usher him away. Then, without a single word to me or to each other, and without making any eye contact with me whatsoever, all the men in front of me dispersed back to their places on the platform and continued ignoring me as if nothing had happened at all.
It was such a coordinated action that it makes me think this wasn't the first time these specific individuals had done something like that. But from my perspective, it was utterly bizarre and kind of freakishly cool, like I'd just stepped into The Matrix or something.
Well, like you say, you kinda get used to the usual people on the route. I am sure that although all the other men weren't familiar with you, they surely were familiar with the problematic one.
That's my guess as well. The tactic they used was extremely effective and well-coordinated without actually being escalatory in any way, and the MARTA police arrived so fast that someone must have called them in.
But from my perspective (as someone who had no idea what was going on), it was like guardian angels came down to possess a gaggle of random strangers and then left again. I wonder if those men had any idea what a supremely cool impression it left on me.
As an American and as a very visual thinker who visualizes what they read, I read the first part of this sentence figuratively not literally, as if he just needed to blow off some steam, and the movie happening in my head as I was reading the rest suddenly took a wild turn as your friend took out a gun and shot the racist dead then farted on his dead body. I had to re-read it to understand what actually happened.
Thanks for the laugh!
"maybe, one fart at a time, we can end racism" is a tattoo-worthy quote
Where I'm from, getting in the face of a person yelling on a bus could be very very dangerous. Otherwise this story gave me a very good laugh. I salute your friend's bravery, and I'm glad everything turned out OK.
Well when you’re a tall young man humiliating an old man it’s not too risky.
Asses of Fire, Phillip.
Your friend must be one of those rude rude Canadians.