18 votes

Offbeat Fridays – The thread where offbeat headlines become front page news

Posted by mycketforvirrad
Tags: ask.discussion, recurring.weekly, offbeat fridays, offbeat

Tildes is a very serious site, where we discuss very serious matters like late night, dark patterns and commingling. Tags culled from the highest voted topics from the last seven days, if anyone was perturbed.

But one of my favourite tags happens to be offbeat! Taking its original inspiration from Sir Nils Olav III, this thread is looking for any far-fetched offbeat stories lurking in the newspapers. It may not deserve its own post, but it deserves a wider audience!

22 comments

  1. [5]
    smoontjes
    Link
    Minister for Climate: If the US won't reduce its emissions, then we're all fucked. (Danish news)

    Minister for Climate: If the US won't reduce its emissions, then we're all fucked.

    (Danish news)

    "China is the largest emitter, followed by the US in second place. It is clear that if the second largest emitter does not reduce its emissions in any way, then we are all—excuse my French—fucked, because then we will not be able to meet the 1.5 degree target", said Lars Aagaard.

    12 votes
    1. [4]
      jredd23
      Link Parent
      Not sure what stage of grief am on when it comes to CO2 and its impact but yeah, we're all in for it.

      Not sure what stage of grief am on when it comes to CO2 and its impact but yeah, we're all in for it.

      6 votes
      1. [3]
        chocobean
        Link Parent
        Five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I'm not at acceptance, but I'm also done with bargaining. Just read an article about how AI energy uses doesn't scale...

        Five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

        I'm not at acceptance, but I'm also done with bargaining. Just read an article about how AI energy uses doesn't scale linearly, eg, a 6s video uses 4x as much energy as a 3s video. Any green initiatives and any gains we make that isn't "cut it all down", any gains will be instantly gobbled up by new greed and new waste. And as we saw in COVID, people would never be willing to decease their standard of living. I am in acceptance that much of our planet is doomed -- I am however comforted by the thought of potentially humans "aging off of the planet" while some other lifeforms survive. Given enough time, the planet ecosystem will heal.

        3 votes
        1. [2]
          Lyrl
          (edited )
          Link Parent
          The planet will continue for billions of years (7 billion before the Sun swallows Earth in its red giant phase), but complex life likely has only 600 million years, which is unlikely to produce...

          The planet will continue for billions of years (7 billion before the Sun swallows Earth in its red giant phase), but complex life likely has only 600 million years, which is unlikely to produce another civilization-capable species.

          https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Future_of_Earth

          When the Sun first became a main sequence star, it radiated only 70% of the current luminosity. The luminosity has increased in a nearly linear fashion to the present, rising by 1% every 110 million years. Likewise, in three billion years the Sun is expected to be 33% more luminous.

          The rate of weathering of silicate minerals will increase as rising temperatures speed chemical processes up. This, in turn, will decrease the level of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, as reactions with silicate minerals convert carbon dioxide gas into solid carbonates. Within the next 600 million years from the present, the concentration of carbon dioxide will fall below the critical threshold needed to sustain C3 photosynthesis: about 50 parts per million. At this point, trees and forests in their current forms will no longer be able to survive.

          3 votes
          1. chocobean
            Link Parent
            This is fantastic news, carrying this with me for the foreseeable future thank you.

            This is fantastic news, carrying this with me for the foreseeable future thank you.

            2 votes
  2. [2]
    chocobean
    Link
    AISLE SPY : Mystery of wedding crasher who bride spotted lurking in her photos is finally solved four years later -- Michelle has now came face-to-face with the unknown guest Source: The Sun. Site...

    AISLE SPY : Mystery of wedding crasher who bride spotted lurking in her photos is finally solved four years later -- Michelle has now came face-to-face with the unknown guest Source: The Sun. Site has auto play video

    Cute story, lovely photos, warm fuzzy ending

    THE case of a mystery wedding crasher has finally been solved four years later. Michelle and John Wylie were stunned when they spotted a "random stranger" in photographs of their big day at the Carlton Hotel, in Prestwick, Ayrshire.

    "Four years ago my partner was acting as bridesman for his friend Michaela's wedding and I'd been invited as his plus one. For some reason he told me it was at the Carlton hotel in Prestwick at 2pm when it was actually being held at the Great Western hotel in Ayr. He had already left in the morning to help with whatever it is bridesmen do and left me to make my own way to the wedding. I remember thinking to myself 'cool, this is obviously the right place'.

    "I parked my car and rushed inside. I make my way into the hall and saw the groom standing and waiting nervously. I had never met Michaela's husband before so I thought 'alright, this must be Ben'." He said the fact he didn't recognise anyone "didn't raise alarm bells" because he assumed his partner would be with the bride in another room.

    "Then the music started. Everyone stands up and turns around to watch the bride walk down the isle and 'OMG that's not Michaela!' I was at the wrong wedding!"

    12 votes
    1. jredd23
      Link Parent
      Cool, wholly relatable story. Never crashed a wedding but have been caught in somewhat awkward situations that thankfully were in the years that cellphone cameras weren't all over the place. Nice...

      Cool, wholly relatable story. Never crashed a wedding but have been caught in somewhat awkward situations that thankfully were in the years that cellphone cameras weren't all over the place. Nice funny story and a memory of a lifetime for the happy couple! Cheers!

      6 votes
  3. [3]
    arch_mage
    Link
    EV Driver Ticketed for "Loud Exhaust" Seems like the Police silently dropped the tickets after someone in the department realized how ridiculous they are.

    EV Driver Ticketed for "Loud Exhaust"

    He told us that he was driving through Stillwater, a city that has a strict noise ordinance, with a group of car enthusiasts. He stopped at an intersection, “about eight cars deep,” and when the light turned green, he said the lead car “peeled away loud as hell.”

    “I was left at the stoplight with a red light,” Mike told The Drive. “I looked to my left, and there was a state trooper across the street from me. He passed me and whipped a U-turn. Came up behind me as the light turned green and followed me into a gas station and lit me up. Initiated a traffic stop.”

    “The trooper stepped up and immediately told me my car’s exhaust was way too loud and was disturbing the peace,” Mike continued. “I tried telling him it’s an EV and doesn’t have an exhaust or an engine, and he stated he’s not gonna argue with me.”

    Seems like the Police silently dropped the tickets after someone in the department realized how ridiculous they are.

    Almost three months since the stop, Mike told us that he hasn’t yet paid the fine nor fought it because “the case number is not in [the court’s] system,” even though the citation itself requires a court appearance. “I have called the courthouse every week for the last 10 weeks trying to schedule the court date/appearance, and still nothing,” Mike said.

    12 votes
    1. [2]
      chocobean
      Link Parent
      cop exhausts everyone's patience with hot air
      • Exemplary

      cop wastes everyone's time exhausts everyone's patience with hot air

      10 votes
  4. [5]
    ZeroGee
    Link
    Oshawa man who dresses as a dachshund is gaining popularity, one walk at a time https://www.ctvnews.ca/toronto/article/oshawa-man-who-dresses-as-a-dachshund-is-gaining-popularity-one-walk-at-a-time/

    Oshawa man who dresses as a dachshund is gaining popularity, one walk at a time

    https://www.ctvnews.ca/toronto/article/oshawa-man-who-dresses-as-a-dachshund-is-gaining-popularity-one-walk-at-a-time/

    “If I could make some money at this and quit my job and stay home with two dachshunds, I will definitely get two dachshunds,” he said.

    9 votes
    1. kfwyre
      Link Parent
      Unironically my actual goal in life

      “If I could make some money at this and quit my job and stay home with two dachshunds, I will definitely get two dachshunds,” he said.

      Unironically my actual goal in life

      4 votes
    2. CannibalisticApple
      Link Parent
      I fully agree with this sentiment and want a video of it if/when it happens. Also love how the mayor basically used the award as a way to bring cheer to her staff, too!

      But his ultimate wish is to appear with Mia at a Blue Jays game.

      “I think it’d be pretty funny to have me and Mia running the bases,” he said.

      I fully agree with this sentiment and want a video of it if/when it happens.

      Also love how the mayor basically used the award as a way to bring cheer to her staff, too!

      3 votes
    3. chocobean
      Link Parent
      Also, if folks are confused by town names, Oshawa is sort of the "Shelbyville" of adjacent town Whitby.

      Mayor Elizabeth Roy didn’t tell her staff that he’d be coming to pick it up, so when Luchford arrived in his blowup suit, her staff couldn’t stop smiling.

      Also, if folks are confused by town names, Oshawa is sort of the "Shelbyville" of adjacent town Whitby.

      3 votes
  5. patience_limited
    Link
    Real headline: Listeria found in Walmart meatball meals may be linked to deadly fettuccine outbreak I'm not familiar with the historical incidence of fettuccine in the general population, the...

    Real headline: Listeria found in Walmart meatball meals may be linked to deadly fettuccine outbreak

    I'm not familiar with the historical incidence of fettuccine in the general population, the occurrence of outbreaks, or the sudden manifestation of deadly pasta. There's certainly an association with obesity if the fettuccine is especially virulent.

    Perhaps the Flying Spaghetti Monster has been angered by those taking the names of other deities in vain.

    8 votes
  6. [4]
    mycketforvirrad
    Link
    Exorcism held before Wetherspoon opens at site of 'biggest fire since 1666' Yahoo! News – Neil Shaw – 24th September 2025

    Exorcism held before Wetherspoon opens at site of 'biggest fire since 1666'

    A new Wetherspoon has been exorcised of ghosts ahead of its opening on September 30. The site of the Sun Wharf pub in London used to be home to the London Dungeon, and the Dungeon's current medium has visited the site to perform a ‘cleansing séance’.

    The medium cleansed the space by rounding up any lingering ghosts and ghouls and directing them towards the current home of the Dungeon on the South Bank. The site of the Sun Wharf, Tooley Street, dates back to medieval times and was one of the busiest routes east out of London.

    Yahoo! News – Neil Shaw – 24th September 2025

    6 votes
    1. balooga
      Link Parent
      That is the most... credulous... piece of journalism I've read in some time, which in 2025 is saying something.

      That is the most... credulous... piece of journalism I've read in some time, which in 2025 is saying something.

      3 votes
    3. chocobean
      Link Parent
      Oh boy. I wonder if they're doing this as part of the business, or if they actually encourage contact with/experience/interact with demons and spirits.

      Oh boy.

      I wonder if they're doing this as part of the business, or if they actually encourage contact with/experience/interact with demons and spirits.

      1 vote
  7. jredd23
    Link
    This climate change has gone to the birds! Scary to think what humans may evolve to, reading the news lately, I feel more that we are de-evolving. A New, Colorful Hybrid Between a Blue Jay and...

    This climate change has gone to the birds! Scary to think what humans may evolve to, reading the news lately, I feel more that we are de-evolving.

    A New, Colorful Hybrid Between a Blue Jay and Green Jay Discovered in Texas, Scientists Confirm

    "Scientists have discovered a new hybrid between a blue jay and a green jay, which may serve as an early indicator of how climate change affects avian intermingling.

    4 votes
  8. fefellama
    Link
    Content warning: tariffs Brazil's Jacu bird poo-poos US tariffs as specialty coffee sector suffers I clicked on the article because it sounded a bit interesting (dare I say... offbeat). I had...

    Content warning: tariffs

    Brazil's Jacu bird poo-poos US tariffs as specialty coffee sector suffers

    I clicked on the article because it sounded a bit interesting (dare I say... offbeat). I had heard of the coffee from Southeast Asia that goes through the digestive tract of a civet (pretty gross). But had no idea there was a similar one from Brazil that went through the digestive tract of a bird. So as I started reading the article I thought to myself "hmm I wonder why the sale of this poopy coffee is unaffected by tariffs while the rest of the coffee types are suffering. Then I got to this part:

    Yet, while Jacu Bird coffee, which can go for up to £960 (around $1,300) a kilo, has not seen sales affected, the same cannot be said for the rest of Brazil's specialty coffee sector.

    Yeah I'd guess that's probably why. People paying over 1000 bucks (!!!) for a kilo of coffee probably aren't too fazed by tariffs.

    Crazy stuff!

    2 votes