Reflections and gratitude for Tildes
Hello Tilderinos! As I am finally entering the holiday slowdown, I wanted to express my gratitude for the community here.
I ended up migrating here from Reddit during the Apocalypse. Before that time, I would have told you that Reddit was a pretty good place, but after having time to detox and spending time here, I realize it was just better, but still pretty awful. With a few exceptions (like r/3Dprinting), the negativity I would get hit with when posting anything was pretty toxic.
I also set up Lemmy Sync on lemmy.world, but it's pretty much only good for scrolling shitposts and memes. Which sometimes I want, but if I dig into the comments under a topic, the noise factor is so high that it's usually not worth it.
Tildes is really different. The intentionality that people post with, the quality and positivity of the discussion is all amazing. One thing I enjoy especially is seeing reasonable people express views contrary to my own, and being to learn something from them.
This year has been a year of big changes for me. I left a 10 year run at a startup that was starting to lose the plot, becane a stay-at-home Dad to relaunch my wife's career, and wrestled with major health issues. All of that has been pretty isolating, but Tildes has been a bright spot of connection for me.
Sorry if this comes off as excessively cheesy, but I feel like it's a good time to take a moment and say "Thank you!" I am hoping that if something was really helpful to others, that they will take a moment to share it here.
I’ll say a few words as a lurker….
Reddit was a time sink. Tildes is not. Reddit was cigarettes. Tildes is cigars & whiskey.
What I mean is;
With every passing day we have to employ our brains to something productive. Insta ain’t it. YT ain’t it. It’s here.
You all give me toilet time but whenever I’m bored, I know I’ll find grand conversations here. Congrats to Tildes on surviving the Reddit wake.
I hope we continue to encourage and send truth to one another through text. This is the true local inn.
Well said. Reddit was the last social media I still used. I endlessly scrolled but rarely contributed outside of a select few subs.
Tildes doesn't waste hours but I interact way more and actually recognize the usernames of people I talk to.
First, as a longer-term Tildes joiner, I'm giving thanks to the people who've built and sustained the digital architecture of Tildes - @Deimos, @cfabbro, @Bauke, and others. I'm also thankful for those who've built mobile apps and extensions to assist with Tildes' accessibility. I know you've all got day jobs, and I don't know how you find the time.
Second, I'm grateful to everyone who, every day, builds and maintains the social architecture of Tildes, particularly the newer folks. It requires continual conscious effort to act as a member of a community, rather than an isolated individual user shouting into the Void.
There are few easy rewards here. Tildes isn't constructed or moderated for purposes of monetizing your reputation, or addictively upping your dopamine level. We've mutually agreed to be here to care for each other as fragile humans in need of support, and to collaborate as peers sharing knowledge rather than aggressive competitors. Having a place for these conversations is priceless. If you're still recovering from toxic forums, learning and growing, I embrace, encourage, and deeply appreciate your hard work.
I'll make the obligatory plea to all participants - please donate to support Tildes' operating costs, contribute code and/or documentation.
Please, everyone, accept my heartfelt wishes that we all have happy, healthy, and restorative holidays with love and community all around.
This seems like a good place to thank Tildes for helping me become more aware of how I write. At times the negativity in my comments still bleeds out, but I see it more and am getting better at reframing. It’s a work in progress, but this place has helped me recalibrate and re-realize that there are very real mental health benefits to choosing more positive ways of framing things.
Thanks for helping me move in that direction and for using the appropriate degree of nudging toward the light when I deserved/earned it. I am truly grateful.
Same! Reddit taught a lot of us to write in an aggressive style and to speak in absolutes. I don't think it's just Reddit either. Been a while since I had any social media but I think I picked up bad rhetorical habits during Trump.
Trying to work on that and Tildes helps.
Tildes definitely seems more like a community rather than the reddit "cityscape". As in, tildes is what reddit used to be, organic, meaningful conversations about topics rather than spam, shouting, and antagonism. While I miss the vast amount of topics on reddit compared to tildes, I find myself less angry while browsing tildes compared to reddit or even Instagram.
Thank you to our mod @Deimos and many many others who I've learned so much from.
And also apologies to anyone I've annoyed or made angry. I have a lot to learn still
On a more personal note how are you doing now with your health? Was it a stress thing? Also best wishes to you in the new year as well as your wife's rebooted career!
I think I can say with a degree of confidence that any annoyance you may have caused me has been outdone by the weight of your contributions to this community.
Thanks for the well wishes! I agree, the mod team here is great
messy health and life details in answer to your other question
It was partly a stress thing. I had been at the company since the beginning, and had shaped a lot about the culture early on. But as the company grew during the pandemic, we started to get new management that really did things differently, and I was largely cut out of decision making. As things got worse, I was really struggling to separate myself from it.
In the midst of that, almost exactly a year ago, I almost died choking on a piece of leftover Chinese food. It was truly terrifying, and I kind fell apart for a while after that. I took some time off (FMLA leave) to try to put things back together. But that experience also changed my perspective on a lot of things, and even though I did go back to work for a while, I found I had lost what I had loved about the company and I could only see the "new bad stuff". My heart was not really in it.
Since leaving my job for good, it's the first time I haven't had a job since I was 13. The transition to managing a household has been okay, weird at times. It has really helped me gain a new perspective on things my wife has told me over he years. The extra time spent with my daughter has been great.
I am going to need to go back to work pretty soon, at least part time, but I haven't found many places that are interested in part time, and some that were interested in me, I was not interested in. Sometimes you look at what a company is doing and it's like, "Do I really want to be a part of this?"
Building a startup pretty much from scratch means I have a really broad range of skills and experience, from IT/Devops to software development, to safety assessment and consulting (my main technical background and PhD is in this area) to product management. I really liked being a troubleshooter and for a long time my job was basically "what is the biggest problem we need to solve today?" But that's not really a role people advertise for, so interviewing and talking to recruiters has been difficult because my experience doesn't fit neatly into the boxes they have.
The whole experience has left me in a weird place. This is probably a lot more than you were asking. But I appreciate the concern. If you (or anyone) has any advice, I am open to other insights.
I think you made the right call for your health and family -- and then in the end those are the calls that matter the most. And it's probably very valuable for your marriage to gain those insights as well. I understand it's hard to lay down that start up worker identity though. I knew a guy who was one of the first members of a start up. their architect. But in the end he wasn't a founder and not part of management when they sold. He just works there, even if it's the most impressive work. At home he's truly irreplaceable.
So all in all good job and have an even greater year!
This is something I needed to hear. Thank you!
During the same time period, I also left a company after 9 years, experienced a loss or change of professional identity/direction, and decided to be intentionally unemployed for a while. It sounds like we're both lucky to have flexibility in our lives, but changes like these can be a struggle regardless.
I know that writing helps me, and I count writing silly comments on the internet as writing, so in a way Tildes has been helpful as I'm shifting gears in my life. I'm more thoughtful about writing comments here than I am on other sites. I'm also more reflective and honest with what I write, since I don't need to worry much about rude or aggressive responses. I'm grateful for that.
This is so true! I have tried journaling but am terrible at sticking with it. Somehow engaging with people here is easier for me, and the broad topics mean I get to wrestle with my own thoughts about things, while the more thoughtful discussion means I have a place to put those thoughts where they might be received.
Best of luck on your journey.
That's not cheesy at all. Tildes is by far the best online community I ever came across. I'm glad that you're here ;)
Haha! Mine is eight now, so fortunately her interests are a little more interesting. We have gotten a lot closer over the last few months, so I am enjoying that while it lasts.