Anything to vent, ~talk?
Hello, fellow Tildrestians. Having just joined, I found that Tildes was a substantial improvement from the standard Reddit fare. Hooray for substantial conversation!
I’ve always been a long time lurker, and I’ve never been confident enough to start threads. So, ~talk, this is a vent thread for your problems and your worries. Not for the fact that you stubbed your toe, but possibly stuff that might worry you. If this doesn’t go well, then I will probably remove this thread in emberassment.
But if it does, then perhaps we can all propose solutions to others problems. Perhaps we can comfort each other with advice and tips. It could be a stupid idea, which, if it is, let me know, but it could be a chance to actually not be the circlejerking redditors some of us once were.
And if this in the wrong group, also do let me know.
I'm struggling to update my passport. I changed my name and gender marker last April, mid-month, and I've been waiting on my application since then. Just two weeks ago they gave me a 'courtesy call' to let me know that they've rejected my doctor's letter again.
Let me lay out a timeline for y'all:
I'm still waiting on the physical letter, and I haven't gotten a chance to see my endocrinologist since the call, so I can't make any progress on that yet. When I do, it'll be the third copy of my doctor's letter I've sent them. I wouldn't be surprised if, a month later, I get another call telling me that something else is wrong with my application.
This has been happening to other trans people, too. (1) (2) There have even been a few trans people whose gender markers were retroactively invalidated recently after applying for new passports, one of whom has been legally female for 20 years. (3) Supposedly no written policies have been changed, but it's clear that someone or someones in the passport agencies across the country are trying to make it as difficult as possible for trans people to get correctly gendered passports.
Anyway, I'm super frustrated right now with the State Department for dragging my application out to almost 5 months now over bullshit.
* As it turns out, that's been the requirement for a while, but it wasn't strictly enforced until recently. Other people were able to get their gender marker changed with just a court order, and I figured that since I needed the doctor's letter to get my court order in the first place, that the court order would be enough. I guess not.
Ugh that sucks. I want to get my passport as well and I'm afraid of dealing with all this. I did change my SS card and driver's license a few years ago but never got around to changing my birth certificate or getting a password.
I actually need to get around to updating my birth certificate. My court order explicitly calls for it to be updated at my request, I just haven't gotten around to it because the forms look arcane. '-_-
I've spent the last few hours trying to fix my Windows install, the disk got bricked somehow and I can't recover any of the old files. Windows file systems are fucking bullshit and I hate them.
Make yourself a knoppix live cd/dvd and try booting from that. Odds are if the disk is still functional at a hardware level it can mount them and you can pull your files off at least.
I've tried something like this once before. I unscrewed the physical HDD and plugged it into a Linux machine to try and extract the files by force. I wasn't able to, even attempting to brute force my way in with admin privileges yielded no results: the disk was completely unusable until I installed a new, separate Windows 10 instance and accessed the locked files via Explorer.
Currently thought I couldn't even get that far. The disk was apparently too bricked and I ran out of spare disks to install another instance on. I've simply had to reinstall Windows 10 and delete the old install. Luckily the most essential files were all backed up in the cloud so the loss is not huge but I resent the time investment.
Well, you could do a integral disk backup with dd/ddrescue and then run photorec on the backup image, though you need a disk bigger than the one you are backing up
I've already reformatted the disk unfortunately, but I'm bookmarking ddrescue in case I ever encounter more disk troubles. Thanks ^^
ddrescue alone would not would not recover files in case of a filesystem problem, ddrescue is more for optical media though, it does work with HDDs (i had a failing HDD which fell in the ground while working) and got most of the data recovered (though there was lot's of hissing noises from the disk, i threw it away afterwards).
Photorec would help in case of formatting the disk or having some filesystem problem because it will read each byte of the disk searching for file signatures (every known file has a different byte pattern on the beggining of the file) ;)
Wow I haven't used Knoppix in like 10 years. I didn't realize it was still around.
I still like it the best out of all the rescue distros because the dvd version has got drivers for everything. Old, new, niche, it just works.
As a last ditch effort photorec is amazing at recovering files.
I'll bookmark that for future use as well, thank you.
Depression woooooooooooooooo
Chronic depression represent! How are you feeling today? I'm feeling great, but only thanks to the medication I take.
Yuuup. I recently lost my job because of depression. At least I got student loans to cover my last semester of college! x_x
At one point in time I used to think "How could someone lose a job because of depression or anxiety?"
But now as I'm sitting here avoiding a project I really need to work on because it's a project I really need to work on.... I understand now.
Hold on there, I know you can get through it :)
I lost mine last year as well for the same reason. I lucked out and got a nice state government job with lots of paid time off, health insurance, and union protection so I can take mental health days and they don't push me too hard. I encourage you to look for the same. Most state or local government or non-profit jobs are much lower stress than corporate jobs.
Carry on, fellow Tildrien·ne and comrade in the blue!
Well, I just started college and I suck at making friends. My best friend from high school drunk texted me the other night and said she’s had a thing for me for a while now, which I’m into but she lives 450 miles away now. I don’t really know what I can do about that but things are weird there now. Also, I’m so stressed out I throw up if I eat more than 700 cal a day, I have some rare incurable cancer, the on campus counseling services are basically nonexistent, and I got rejected from an internship that I’m overqualified for that would have been a great gig. The only thing keeping me going is smoking dope and watching trailer park boys.
Trailer park boys is pretty good btw, would recommend.
I'm hoping the cancer is not bad. Are you going to be alright?
Yeah I’ll be good. The cancer isn’t terminal, so I can treat it by suppressing my immune system forever. Not what I wanted to hear at 18, but nobody ever wants to hear they have cancer, so what can ya do
That's great to hear (:
This sucks, really. Hopefully, venting here will help you feel better a bit, at least emotionally. I'm rooting for you, fellow human!
Thanks, I appreciate it.
I had a very old version of pfsense firewall running for my home network, 2.2, latest is 2.4.3 and several years newer (including a new UI). The USB key hosting the OS finally died, some ancient 2GB Kingston Datatraveler that's from the earliest days of those devices. The machine is a tiny 5-nic firewall appliance without internal disks. Luckily pfsense once loaded doesn't need the disks anymore, so I was able to log in and backup the settings despite the drive being toast. I did have to do a reinstall of 2.4.3, but due to their exemplary backwards-compatibility the new version was able to easily re-import all of my old settings. I was worried about that because rebuilding it from scratch would have been a days-long project.
Day three of quitting smoking (again) and I succumbed to the temptation to buy a pack while at the gas station. I settled on Newport Menthols since I kinda hate them. My goal is now to make that pack last two weeks instead of five hours. eCig supplements aren't helping like they once did - if you ever try quitting, cut over cold turkey, don't use cigs and ecigs together so that your animal brain has the chance to learn the difference. It was much easier the first time. :/
Something about working on tech makes me fiend cigarettes almost as much as drinking.
Damn, best of luck to your efforts in quitting! I haven’t been through this, but hopefully, it’ll be a game of persistence to fight the urge.
Maybe try nicotine patches/gum/lozenges? They seem to be helpful for a lot of people. I really wish you luck.
I used the nicotine patch - I thought I wasn't really addicted to the nicotine, but I was, big time! Also Allen Karr's book "the easy way to quite smoking" was very helpful for motivation (if not always practical advice).
https://www.amazon.com/Allen-Carrs-Easy-Stop-Smoking/dp/0615482155/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1536596441&sr=8-1&keywords=allen+karr&dpID=516L2FpKTGL&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch
The one thing I learned about quitting is that everyone that's successful has their own way of going about it. So I'm sharing this with that in mind. I hope you're successful!
This is the first time I'm going cold-turkey on the nicotine (the eCigs I have are 3mg/ml which is barely noticeable). It's really surprising feeling the withdrawal symptoms this strongly. Been giving me mild headaches and I'm a bit twitchy/distracted from whatever tasks I'm working on. The good news is it's pissing me off (especially in the mornings) which is quite useful to avoid smoking. I'm directing the angry at the cigs now.
More power to you! Good luck. I found /r/stopsmoking helpful as well as a motivator (and that sweet, sweet anger).
Disney movies. Instead of making new modern stories in animated format they started pumping out their old ones again but as regular movies. I understand people grew up and will pay to rewatch stories of childhood but still, such a waste of potential.
Also too many comics based superhero movies.
I'm still lamenting the death of their 2D movies. I liked Moana, but I can't stop imagining how much more gorgeous it would have been in 2D. 3D animation feels so samey to me.
Seriously, Disney pioneered hand drawn animation and it's sad to see them abandon that art.
Fuck Turkey's universities' libraries! Fuck 'em! The country is indeed at the brink of economic collapse, but as long as I can access to some instant coffee (no more fresh beans for me...) guess I can survive that, but libraries, they drive me crazy and I hate hate hate the universities of this place.
I'm a recent graduate, got my BA from the Uni. of Istanbul. At present, I can not access any decent university libraries here. Almost all uni. libraries limit access (even paid and external) to their students, their graduates, their grad students and the rest of their staff. Except the private Koc Uni. which asks for a sum that's hard to pay for me ATM (but I don't have any options, so I'll have to do that). As a BA in Istanbul, I can only use public and some private libraries (whose collections are rather scarce), but the books I need are only found in libraries like those of the Bogazi Uni., Istanbul Technical Uni., etc., which are restricted as I wrote above. My own uni. where I graduated, the staff there is so stupid that nobody knows what to do when a graduate asks for access to the library. The library's code allows me to access, the librarian who I called says I can access leaving my ID to the security at the entrance, who when I went there said that that was impossible, and that I'd have to write a formal letter to the dean or the rectorate or something, which will most possibly be ignored anyways, or at best I'll get a response after weeks and weeks of waiting, possibly negative.
I looked into major universities of the world, they all provide access to their graduates, and graduates/students of other universities, in one way or another (I actually blogged about it here, in turkish). I can possibly go to London and use the Oxford's library with permission, but here in my home country, they have build fences and barriers around what taxpayer money has bought. That's driving me nuts.
I'm not associated with any universities because I've taken this year off in order to study for transitioning from Italian studies to linguistics, and work in order to save up some money for use in my studies. But I need to use books, most in foreign language and not sold publically here, or is too costly; but in most cases I'm confined to buying from abroad (I bought a book that costs around $6, $14 w/ shipping, from the UK, and it ended up costing ~TRY100, which is ~1/16 of the min. wage here, imagine buying an academic book that costs upwards of $50-60). I feel like I and people like me are purposefully being obstructed from acces to information and driven out of the country in general. That saddens me.
I'm good at programming, but I'm failing pre-calculus. Not because I don't understand the math, but because I have ADHD and make stupid mistakes. When programming I have snippets, completion, linting and error messages to help me. But when I'm doing math I have no such things. I've had this problem since I was a kid and it sucks.
I encourage you to reach out to your professor/teacher. They might be able to help you out. I've had math classes that I was failing badly that I was able to spring back from because I sat down with the professor and came up with a plan. Also any math professor/teacher that grades solely on whether the answer is absolutely correct or not is bad at teaching. The best teachers are those that grade you based on how you came to the conclusion and give you the opportunity to make corrections for some points back.
In my experience, all math teachers require exact answers, almost always disregarding everything else. I already spoke with my teacher, and she told me there's monitoring for people like me. I took a test to prove that I need this, and I'll probably be accepted. Thank you for your kind words :)
Have a job at a call center. I was an RDM on my old desk, but the contract expired, and there were only three of us that weren't either hired by the contracting company or jumped ship. We started back as Level 1s on a new desk with appropriate pay cuts, and my fall back job offer fell though, so I have accepted that I'm a wage slave to this place forever.
I likely have ADHD, and I want to confirm it (and quite possibly get some medication). So I told my therapist. She gave me a name and number to call and said that the person would 'hook electrodes to my head' and watch as I played a video game (likely eeg or similar). Well that sounds cool, I call to make an appointment. But first I need to know what billing code they use so I can check if my insurance covers it. I get transferred to billing but have to hang up. I forget about it for weeks.
Recently I called again and right before being transferred to billing the receptionist says "Oh, you have to be a $hospital patient in order to get an appointment in the psychiatry dept." ........fuck. So now on Wednesday I have a physical that I don't need that I don't know how I'm going to get to on time just because I need a record in their hospital system. And since I have no primary doctor, I can't really ask them either.
Trying to figure out grad school applications, I don't know what I'm doing and don't have very much guidance. Is stressful. I really feel super rushed and would prefer if I could just take some time off in-between undergrad and grad to figure stuff out, but I don't know what I'd do in the intervening time. Also my grades aren't amazing because there was a year I was doing the bare minimum to scrape by (yay mental illness) and I don't have that many connections or anything, so I'll be trying to scrape by on research experience + recommendations + a strong personal statement (good writing is useful kids).
I don't even know if I want any of this anyway, I just figure continuing school would be a better environment to sort myself out than a career I jumped into and hate.
Also all my friends have drifted away on their own seas and I miss them terribly.
I having trouble motivation my self to put my job application together. Keep procrastinating etc. It's very frustrating how much I really don't what to do it.
I heard about this Japanese game called "Melty Blood" and for some reason, I'm really bothered by what they mean by "Melty" and why Japanese media have these sorts of names, to begin with.
Kidney stones suck - I feel swamped with work since I missed classes Tuesday and wound up in the ER because of one.