atoxje's recent activity

  1. Comment on What games have you been playing, and what's your opinion on them? in ~games

    atoxje
    Link Parent
    Oooh do you mind sharing your OP builds? I love the game for those and I’m searching for more :). (I found the autopilot could be strongly overpowered at moments. I had some races where I barely...

    Oooh do you mind sharing your OP builds? I love the game for those and I’m searching for more :).

    (I found the autopilot could be strongly overpowered at moments. I had some races where I barely had to do any racing myself and still won.)

  2. Comment on What games have you been playing, and what's your opinion on them? in ~games

    atoxje
    Link Parent
    I’ve been playing it on ps5 for a couple of hours. I like it a lot. The roguelike structure is very engaging to me. I’ve read people missing more meta progression but I didn’t. Even failed runs...

    I’ve been playing it on ps5 for a couple of hours. I like it a lot. The roguelike structure is very engaging to me. I’ve read people missing more meta progression but I didn’t. Even failed runs resulted in nice upgrades. Stat boosts but also nice cosmetic options.

    The sense of speed is amazing. It goes so incredibly hard. It feels like I’m constantly on the edge of exploding my machine. The takedowns really add to that feeling.

    I play it with my partner, so we can alternate races. It would be too intense for me to do every race myself.

    I’m bot really into Star Wars, but I found the setting to be really additive to the game. In characters, in story, but most of all in terms of race tracks. There aren’t many settings that enable this kind of speed without immediately being too overwhelming or too difficult. The vast spaces of these barren planets work really well.

    2 votes

  3. Comment on How do you handle being around other people? in ~life

    atoxje
    Link Parent
    It is so difficult. The transition took me over five years. However difficult it sometimes was, I also found the best friend in myself, if that makes sense? I learned a lot about what I do and do...

    It is so difficult. The transition took me over five years. However difficult it sometimes was, I also found the best friend in myself, if that makes sense? I learned a lot about what I do and do not like, I became a lot more gentle and interested in myself, and that journey of discovery was (and is) also sometimes really entertaining.

    Aside from the excruciating loneliness of course, and the sadness, that hits hard sometimes.

    I wish you all the best. I don’t know you, obviously, but as any human being, you deserve to be surrounded by people who like and love you to a delusional degree :).

    3 votes

  4. Comment on How do you handle being around other people? in ~life

    atoxje
    Link Parent
    That’s really well put, thanks.

    That’s really well put, thanks.

    1 vote

  5. Comment on How do you handle being around other people? in ~life

  6. Comment on How do you handle being around other people? in ~life

    atoxje
    Link Parent
    Before it happened , it was probably one of the scariest things for me as well. When it did, less so. I remember the first night in my new place, which was a small studio I could stay in for a...

    Before it happened , it was probably one of the scariest things for me as well. When it did, less so. I remember the first night in my new place, which was a small studio I could stay in for a couple of months because the person living there was on an extended holiday. My daughter was 2 years old and sleeping in my room in a small bed I installed for her. And I heard her breathing as she was sleeping, and I was about to go to sleep. And I felt as if nothing could ever really happen to me. I was just so, so happy. Not totally alone of course, because of my daughter, but in other ways I was. But I felt free. At the time I didn’t know it would cost me all my friendships, but even so. I would do it again in a heartbeat.

    I still had my work, which is a lot of fun and helped/helps me to meet interesting people. I found my new partner thanks to my work. And because of all the shit I went through with my divorce, I feel the strength to be more strict about the people I allow in my life.

    I understand your fear. But I guess some things are more scary to think about than they are to live through.

    6 votes

  7. Comment on How do you handle being around other people? in ~life

    atoxje
    Link Parent
    Hm. Interesting question. In hindsight, I think my ‘friends’ just… didn’t really like me? And yet I stuck with them because I was afraid of being alone. After my divorce I was truly alone and it...

    Hm. Interesting question.

    In hindsight, I think my ‘friends’ just… didn’t really like me? And yet I stuck with them because I was afraid of being alone.

    After my divorce I was truly alone and it actually wasn’t that bad. It’s a cliche, I know, but being alone felt better, less lonely, than being surrounded by the people who didn’t really like me.

    Now that I’ve grown out of my fear of being alone, I feel like I have more healthy friendships. I’m not afraid any more of losing people just by being who I am. And so I discovered the joy of knowing some people who I just know, and really feel like they actually like spending time with me. With the weird me. Not the ‘social function’ me. It’s a joy so pure I don’t need much of it to feel satisfied.

    15 votes

  8. Comment on How do you handle being around other people? in ~life

    atoxje
    Link
    I feel you. I’ve been there. And then I got a divorce, lost all my ‘friends’, found other people and turns out I didn’t suffer from anxiety. I was just spending time around the wrong people. I’m...

    I feel you. I’ve been there. And then I got a divorce, lost all my ‘friends’, found other people and turns out I didn’t suffer from anxiety. I was just spending time around the wrong people.

    I’m still not the most social crayon in the box, but it amazes me how long I can be fulfilled from an afternoon with a real friend.

    33 votes

  9. Comment on Independents/freelancers: how do you find new business? in ~finance

    atoxje
    Link
    Word of mouth for me too… My wife is also a freelancer (ghostwriter) and she did an honest effort to source leads through LinkedIn but got nothing out of it. For her it turned out happy and thus...

    Word of mouth for me too… My wife is also a freelancer (ghostwriter) and she did an honest effort to source leads through LinkedIn but got nothing out of it. For her it turned out happy and thus returning customers and word of mouth were also the way to go.

    For me it’s a bit different. I have my own uncommissioned project where I publish a new long form video interview every month (and have been doing so for the last ten years) which gives me immense exposure and generates leads for my freelance work. If I remember the buzzwords from my old days in the advertising world correctly that would be called a kind of content marketing, maybe? But I think the only reason it works so well is because to me it isn’t content marketing but an ongoing art project.

    I like the way you frame it as waiting for the rain to fall. That honestly feels like a large part of my strategy (or not strategy but my fate) as well. The more actionable part is just really connecting with people. That takes time but it also is a lot of fun. Whenever I feel like it, I email some past contacts and ask them out for a coffee. Or if I discover someone who is doing really interesting things, I invite them over for coffee. Sourcing work is not the target of those coffees. Although I will mention the kind of work they can ask me for at the end of our coffee, if it was fun. But just getting to know these people and understand there work is where it all starts from for me.

    In any case: I wish you all the best. And I applaud you for being critical about the LinkedIn mirage that is presented to you as being the solution. :)

    4 votes

  10. Comment on Formula 1 Spanish Grand Prix 2026 - Race Weekend Discussion in ~sports.motorsports

    atoxje
    Link Parent
    Came here to comment everything that is in your comment. Glad I wasn’t the only hopeful person in the audience. I ended up doing some legendary napping during the GP. Hopefully we don’t have to...

    Came here to comment everything that is in your comment. Glad I wasn’t the only hopeful person in the audience. I ended up doing some legendary napping during the GP.

    Hopefully we don’t have to wait until 31 for better racing. And better tracks. This year has been less than great.

    2 votes

  11. Comment on Apple announces iPhone Duo, its first foldable iPhone in ~tech

    atoxje
    Link
    Seeing this made me realize how much I’m just out of smartphones as a whole. I have one at home, that mostly stays at home, to access banking apps. I also have to use it while travelling. My daily...

    Seeing this made me realize how much I’m just out of smartphones as a whole. I have one at home, that mostly stays at home, to access banking apps. I also have to use it while travelling. My daily driver is an old lightphone (I think the number two or number one model, I don’t remember. It’s old and I use it for nothing except texting and making calls.)

    Life without smartphone is just so much better. I’m at the point where I can’t imagine anymore why anyone would spend that amount of money for this piece of tech… just seems like the capitalist machine frantically searching for ever more absurd ways of extracting more cash from us.

    7 votes

  12. Comment on Post-tooth extraction diets! in ~food

    atoxje
    Link
    I’ve had wisdom tooth removal twice and went by with yoghurt yoghurt yoghurt and then some more yoghurt. Admittedly, I was really stressed out about potential infections so it gave me more peace...

    I’ve had wisdom tooth removal twice and went by with yoghurt yoghurt yoghurt and then some more yoghurt. Admittedly, I was really stressed out about potential infections so it gave me more peace of mind to eat the same thing over and over for a week and worry less about potentially damaging some sore skin with too sharp food.

    Good luck, I wish you a very speedy recovery!

    5 votes

  13. Who likes GTA?

    ~games Ask (survey)
    I love gaming and I love lots of different genres of games. Yet somehow I can’t get into gta. I’ve tried. I played it a couple of times. I looked at the extended gameplay reveal. Yet, it doesn’t...

    I love gaming and I love lots of different genres of games. Yet somehow I can’t get into gta. I’ve tried. I played it a couple of times. I looked at the extended gameplay reveal. Yet, it doesn’t seem to click.

    Now that’s all perfectly fine. Not everyone has to like everything. But because it’s such a huge game in terms of people playing it, I am really curious.

    Is there anyone here who does love playing gta? And do you mind sharing what you love about it?

    I don’t want to argue or convince or be convinced. Just really interested in learning about your perspective!

    43 votes

  14. Comment on Any male victims from female abuse? in ~life.men

    atoxje
    Link Parent
    First of all I’m sorry for limiting this topic needlessly to male victims of female abuse. By reading your perspective it dawned on me how insensitive that framing is. Thanks for taking the time...

    First of all I’m sorry for limiting this topic needlessly to male victims of female abuse. By reading your perspective it dawned on me how insensitive that framing is. Thanks for taking the time to reply anyway. I’m glad it didn’t hold you back.

    When reading how your family reacts to your ex, it just hurts me to see how the burden of proof is placed excessively on you as the victim. To me, it would be enough for someone I love to say they feel discomfort with me keeping in touch with someone like an ex, for me to take notice and act accordingly. It just baffles me how hard you are pushed as a victim to share harrowing stories in order to be respected. (And even when you do share, you rarely are respected.)

    I wish you all the best. You’re not alone.

    12 votes

  15. Comment on Any male victims from female abuse? in ~life.men

    atoxje
    Link Parent
    Thank you for sharing. Triggers all kinds of memories. The way my mom spoke about men was horrific. I hated myself and distrusted myself so hard for being male. Even now, it still makes me so...

    Thank you for sharing. Triggers all kinds of memories. The way my mom spoke about men was horrific. I hated myself and distrusted myself so hard for being male. Even now, it still makes me so vigilant for other people’s boundaries in a way that often makes me forget I have boundaries too.

    I remember that during the abuse I had this one line I kept repeating in my head that got me through. ‘It ends with me.’ Even at a young age, I was very aware of the intergenerational dimensions of abuse, probably because my mother kept repeating how she had always been a victim. That sentence, ‘it ends with me’, gave me the strength to keep looking for the peaceful waters as you so aptly call them. I found them, more or less. Even though I still struggle to accept how I will always carry this history with me.

    (And the accusations my mother and sister directed at me when I dared to speak of the abuse at a later age, are probably the biggest scar.)

    19 votes

  16. Comment on Any male victims from female abuse? in ~life.men

    atoxje
    Link Parent
    I get it. I send you all the strength and kindness I have. You’re not alone.

    I get it. I send you all the strength and kindness I have. You’re not alone.

    21 votes

  17. Comment on Any male victims from female abuse? in ~life.men

    atoxje
    Link Parent
    Thank you for sharing. Awful stats and yet somehow in a strange way comforting to know.

    Thank you for sharing. Awful stats and yet somehow in a strange way comforting to know.

    10 votes

  18. Any male victims from female abuse?

    ~life.men Ask
    I was talking to a dear friend of mine who told me years ago how he has been physically abused by his wife and how hard it was for him to share this, because so few people believed his story. Or...

    I was talking to a dear friend of mine who told me years ago how he has been physically abused by his wife and how hard it was for him to share this, because so few people believed his story. Or laughed when he dared to share. Yesterday we talked about how hidden these stories are. He believes it is a lot more prevalent than it seems. People are just to ashamed to share or afraid they won’t be believed.

    I recognised his trouble. I was abused by my mother for years, physically and mentally, after she separated from my dad (who she abused as well). In my life I have shared this story to only a handful of people, often being disappointed by their reactions.

    What made this especially difficult was how my mom managed to convince me and the people around my family that my dad was actually the aggressor. ‘Woman gets beat up by man’ is just a lot more believable.

    In hindsight, it feels like such a twisted dynamic, where my mom as a female abuser used the stories of actual female victims to hide or defend her own abuse.

    Of course I do not in any way want to diminish the aggression that women experience. It is a lot more prevalent, and this issue needs all the attention it can get.

    I was just wondering if there are any other men here who are victims from female abusers and if you recognise the difficulty in sharing your story as well.

    57 votes

  19. Comment on University at forty in ~talk

    atoxje
    Link Parent
    That’s nice to hear, thanks! That is something I wonder about: do you feel weird being older in that setting?

    That’s nice to hear, thanks! That is something I wonder about: do you feel weird being older in that setting?

  20. University at forty

    ~talk Ask (advice)
    (This post turned out longer than I planned. TLDR: I’m thinking about going to university at forty and I’m wondering if anyone has any experience with this and would like to share those?) For...

    (This post turned out longer than I planned. TLDR: I’m thinking about going to university at forty and I’m wondering if anyone has any experience with this and would like to share those?)

    For those of you who would like to know more background:

    I grew up in a dangerous household which is why I moved out from my mom’s house at seventeen and immediately started working. I worked as a freelancer and started some small businesses, mostly in advertising and technology.

    About ten years ago (at 30yo) I felt both advertising and technology were not the places I wanted to work in. These were just the places that were accessible for me at the time in order to make a living and survive. But when the survival mode subsided, I found they didn’t fulfil me personally.

    I had a daughter on the way and wanted to find a way to make more of a positive impact on the world. Because I had no idea how, I started interviewing people who I looked up to. People who are very aware of the issues that the world faces but are not paralysed by it. People who try to fix the biggest issues of our time.

    Very unexpectedly, those interviews became a big hit. The response was so overwhelming, that it has now been my full time job for ten years. I’ve interviewed 150 beautiful people, published two books in the process and I’m working on the third.

    In the past 6 months the financial stress of running this whole thing has lowered dramatically and we have found people who are helping us with the whole practical side of running this thing/interview series/podcast/art project/… (I don’t know what to call it). Which made me think about what’s next.

    When I was seventeen, all my friends were at university. I loved having them over and talk about what they learned. At the time, I hoped my business would become so successful I would be able to afford private tutoring in everything that peaks my curiosity. That didn’t happen :).

    The interviewing I do sometimes feel like private tutoring. I have learned an immense amount from these people. Albeit not really in a structured manner.

    On of my favorite YouTubers had similar issues growing up as me, and recently posted a video where he announced he was going to college. It made me think about my own life. Maybe I don’t have to stay ‘a dropout’/“selfmade” (I disagree with that term but many people call me by it anyway).

    My life is safe enough now to go to university. I can afford it, and I believe getting a formal education would very much challenge me, enrich my work and my writing and could maybe even be fun?

    This is a long winded way of asking if anyone here has any experience in going to university at a later age. As I stated in the title, I am almost forty, and as much as this idea excites me, it also scares me and some relevant stories would maybe help in knowing what to expect.

    Thanks for reading this far and sharing whatever wisdom you’re willing to share.

    29 votes