clem's recent activity
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Comment on Color game — how well can you remember colors? | Dialed in ~games
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Comment on Fix your hearts or die: The path to liberation for lonely men is feminism in ~life
clem Link ParentInteresting comment, thanks for sharing. I'm surprised to see that you don't seem to identify as a feminist considering that I'm sure you agree with the simplistic definition of feminism, as...Interesting comment, thanks for sharing. I'm surprised to see that you don't seem to identify as a feminist considering that I'm sure you agree with the simplistic definition of feminism, as presented in the article:
The system that holds that women are property of men is called patriarchy.
The system that holds that women are human beings is called feminism.
But I'm sure that specific feminists or specific feminist ideas that you've heard from have given it a bad name. This article itself sort of gives it a bad name considering how much sarcasm and abstraction gets in the way of the core of its argument, which I think boils down to, "let's build a society that values everyone as equal regardless of sex/gender," something that's always appealed to me. I think it'd be hard not to be a feminist with that simplistic view of the movement.
Nevertheless, I especially appreciated your distinction between enthusiastic sexists and casual ones. This actually empathizes with these lonely men in ways that the article absolutely does not. The article is absolutely right to deride some of the things that some men do, but it has the tone of deriding men in general for it, and this kind of thing is exactly what has turned some men against feminism. I also appreciate that you identify something the article does not: that society has failed these men and that society really could do better to help them.
I honestly think that it's best to just disregard the whole "assigning blame" aspect (with one caveat: obviously women are not to blame for choosing not to "fix" men's loneliness in whatever way) in favor of just moving on and helping (and another caveat in case it isn't obvious: men are of course to blame and subject to justice for any violent acts). And I guess I do agree with the article in its solution:
Fix your hearts or die. We can see that as a threat, and I imagine many men do, but I think it's an invitation. It's not if you don't fix your heart, we will kill you—though some who fail to fix their hearts will make themselves so violent in their lives that they may eventually meet a violent end.
I think it's that if you base your identity on unsustainable lies, your heart is broken, and if you live with a broken heart, you will die. Not metaphorically, but actually, and inevitably, because you have set your heart upon something unsustainable, and unsustainable things will not sustain.
So, fix it. Fix your hearts or die. Fix your hearts or isolation. Fix your hearts or loneliness.
Or, if you like: Fix your hearts and live.
In other words, learn to treat everyone as equals and thrive. This still leaves out men, like me in my 20s, who embraced feminism but still felt very lonely, but it certainly helped. Some of my best friends in my 20s were women. It hurt that they didn't want to be more than friends, but even so, their friendships really did help me learn to thrive. And if I hadn't treated them as equals, I would've been far worse off.
Thanks for giving me a space to think out loud about this. I don't think about the topic all that often, but it's always meant a lot to me. Hopefully this comment was worth sharing overall.
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Comment on How many Hosers are there on Tildes? in ~talk
clem LinkMy front teeth are Canadian--I broke them playing hockey, and I believe that is one path to citizenship. But the rest of me is from Michigan. Not sure how exactly you count my teeth in your...My front teeth are Canadian--I broke them playing hockey, and I believe that is one path to citizenship. But the rest of me is from Michigan. Not sure how exactly you count my teeth in your statistics, but you'll figure it out.
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Comment on Matt Damon says Netflix wants movies to restate the 'plot three or four times in the dialogue' because viewers are on 'their phones while they're watching' in ~movies
clem Link ParentThere were lots of reasons why I left Netflix--primarily that the market expanded and the stuff I wanted to watch moved to other platforms--but this was a big part of it. It became so difficult to...There were lots of reasons why I left Netflix--primarily that the market expanded and the stuff I wanted to watch moved to other platforms--but this was a big part of it. It became so difficult to actually find anything I cared about. They pushed all sorts of random genres on me, trying to get me to watch things I didn't know about. And if I remember right, if I hovered on something for too long (perhaps reading the summary), the show just started. Maybe this is what some people wanted, but I've always been more focused than that. I can't deny that sometimes I pause to look at Wikipedia and maybe figure out where I recognize an actor from or something, but I generally know what I want to watch, and I watch it. Netflix used to be great. Even better when it was DVD-only. But corporations all turn to shit eventually.
Edit: I guess this is noise, just me on a soap box, maybe partially the result of Facebook trying harder and harder to make me angry (and maybe help fuel a civil war?). I suppose it's better to release that valve at Netflix than people I know who voted for insanity.
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Comment on Hooters | Bankrupt in ~food
clem Link ParentThe part of me that hates typing on my phone is sympathetic, but the part of me that mostly types on my computer as a result is in charge of my opinion about it. We hates it, hates it forever!The part of me that hates typing on my phone is sympathetic, but the part of me that mostly types on my computer as a result is in charge of my opinion about it. We hates it, hates it forever!
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Comment on Hooters | Bankrupt in ~food
clem Link ParentI think this is exactly the point I'm missing. People who went to Hooters didn't go to stare at women's tits, they went to socialize with attractive women. Whenever I thought about going to...People like to socialize with people they find attractive
I think this is exactly the point I'm missing. People who went to Hooters didn't go to stare at women's tits, they went to socialize with attractive women. Whenever I thought about going to Hooters (and honestly it's probably been 20 years since the thought has crossed my mind), my thought process was: people will think I want to go there just to look at women's tits > people will know that I'm a perv.
But I've never enjoyed the tip-compelled socialization with servers. I certainly like it when they're friendly, but mostly I want them to do their food-serving job well and leave me alone to talk to whomever I'm there with. So it makes sense that I never would've gotten this.
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Comment on Hooters | Bankrupt in ~food
clem Link ParentSorry for making you all click--I linked to the explanation and thought that was fine, but I should've copied that text, too! I shouldn't get started on abbreviations, but I'll just say that the...Sorry for making you all click--I linked to the explanation and thought that was fine, but I should've copied that text, too!
I shouldn't get started on abbreviations, but I'll just say that the way they're used today drives me nuts. There's a whole glossary of lingo you have to learn before you can get interested in a topic, and it makes me grouchy. It's not that hard to spell most things out. Changing an already established abbreviation... I just can't go there.
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Comment on Hooters | Bankrupt in ~food
clem Link ParentAs someone who thinks ETA meant "estimated time of arrival," thanks, /r/OutOfTheLoop. I'll save my "old man yelling at clouds" for another time. Also, thanks for the info, though it still doesn't...As someone who thinks ETA meant "estimated time of arrival," thanks, /r/OutOfTheLoop. I'll save my "old man yelling at clouds" for another time.
Also, thanks for the info, though it still doesn't make me understand a place caught in the middle between strip clubs and regular restaurants. But I've certainly been following this thread out of curiosity.
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Comment on Lord of the Rings Extended Editions returning to theaters with a 4D twist in ~movies
clem Link ParentThanks for the info--I didn't realize there was an intermission! A 15 minute break in the middle might make it doable if I can figure out the timing.Thanks for the info--I didn't realize there was an intermission! A 15 minute break in the middle might make it doable if I can figure out the timing.
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Comment on Lord of the Rings Extended Editions returning to theaters with a 4D twist in ~movies
clem LinkI really wish I was excited about this considering what a pleasure it was to watch the standard editions in the theaters when they first came out. I saw them each a few times and had little...I really wish I was excited about this considering what a pleasure it was to watch the standard editions in the theaters when they first came out. I saw them each a few times and had little trouble with it (aside from falling asleep during Return of the King once--it was a late showing and I was tired, I'm not saying I was bored). I'm not sure if the irony was intended here, but this suggests my current attitude:
Just imagine being thrown around like an oliphaunt rider for four-plus hours while you soak in Return of the King in 4DX.
I guess I'm old, because I don't think I could handle a 4 hour movie in the theater. I also wish I was excited about Kill Bill: The Whole Bloody Affair, but to me, 4 hour movies are strictly at-home affairs. Alas.
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Comment on Skate Story | Official launch trailer in ~games
clem Link ParentOh my, just played the demo for about an hour, and what a joy it is to play! So smooth and fun. I'll probably wait to pick it up eventually on the Switch 2, as it seems more like a living room...Oh my, just played the demo for about an hour, and what a joy it is to play! So smooth and fun. I'll probably wait to pick it up eventually on the Switch 2, as it seems more like a living room game, but I'm looking forward to learning more tricks on it then. The writing is super silly and engaging, the music is excellent, and the graphics are intense and lovely. I love that unique little gems like this exist.
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Comment on A rare “Polar Express” winter pattern is forecast over the United States and Canada, following a Polar Vortex split in ~enviro
clem Link ParentIt has been nice, but it sure caught me off guard. I had quite a bit to finish up before winter, but I was busy with Thanksgiving, and then--bam, everything was covered in snow. I'll catch up, but...It has been nice, but it sure caught me off guard. I had quite a bit to finish up before winter, but I was busy with Thanksgiving, and then--bam, everything was covered in snow. I'll catch up, but a lot of stuff is much slower when it's cold and snowy. And some of the stuff I've left outside will suffer a bit more sitting out all winter. But so it goes! I'm enjoying it anyway, and have mostly gotten used to the cold.
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Comment on A rare “Polar Express” winter pattern is forecast over the United States and Canada, following a Polar Vortex split in ~enviro
clem Link ParentThanks for sharing (and for your comment explaining why it's interesting). It's refreshing to read a detailed article about the weather explained thoroughly so a regular person like me can...Thanks for sharing (and for your comment explaining why it's interesting). It's refreshing to read a detailed article about the weather explained thoroughly so a regular person like me can understand it. Also very nice to see a website designed for readability rather than optimizing ads and collecting my data!
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Comment on ‘Wicked: For Good’ opening to $150m; records broken for Cynthia Erivo, Ariana Grande, Jon M. Chu, Broadway musical feature take and more in ~movies
clem Linklol, I've been wondering if Wicked: For Good was a movie title or some sort of advertising campaign tied to a charitable cause. I guess I'm glad to know, now. Maybe it's a fine title, but whatever...lol, I've been wondering if Wicked: For Good was a movie title or some sort of advertising campaign tied to a charitable cause. I guess I'm glad to know, now. Maybe it's a fine title, but whatever advertising I've seen sure wasn't doing its job.
Sorry for the noise-y comment, but sometimes I can't help but think out loud.
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Comment on Post breakup ramblings in ~life
clem LinkI don't have a lot to add, but one thing that helped me when I was going through something similar many years ago was to "leave her in the woods." Simply: I walked out to a remote place in the...I don't have a lot to add, but one thing that helped me when I was going through something similar many years ago was to "leave her in the woods." Simply: I walked out to a remote place in the woods and left all my pain in that spot. I think maybe I buried a piece of paper with her name on it, but you could do other symbolic gestures: carve her name into a dead tree, bury a memento, (safely!) burn a piece of paper with her name on it, etc.
I also screamed at the top of my lungs and wept. It felt great. And by "great," I guess I mean horrible, but it was cathartic.
It wasn't, like, a full recovery or anything, but it certainly helped. I think at this stage it's all about getting that pain out of your heart, and any way you can do that is good.
Sorry for not having anything to say about your explanations; all of that is kind of between you and her, and I'm afraid that your "Pause" moment of "she doesn’t need a reason at all to end things" might sum it all up. I know all about all of those kind of explanations, but at the end of the day, she wouldn't have ended it if it wasn't what she wanted. I could be wrong, of course, but that's what I take from your post. Sorry to say it so frankly. I hope you can start to feel better soon.
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Comment on Tildes Demographics Survey, year… uh, it’s 2024? in ~tildes
clem Link ParentI vaguely remember TheMeerkat mentioning that there was trouble completing the charts or other visualizations, and see now from their post history that they have not been here since April, so...I...I vaguely remember TheMeerkat mentioning that there was trouble completing the charts or other visualizations, and see now from their post history that they have not been here since April, so...I wouldn't get my hopes up.
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Comment on What are some of your favorite stews/soups? in ~food
clem Link ParentI at least got away with adding extra garlic. My wife is not that into garlic, but I used a whole head of the stuff in this to help make up for the lack of spiciness. I can't believe the recipe...I at least got away with adding extra garlic. My wife is not that into garlic, but I used a whole head of the stuff in this to help make up for the lack of spiciness. I can't believe the recipe only calls for two cloves...c'mon.
Now I remembered that I actually do have a favorite soup, it's just been a long time since I've had it: avgolemono! It's pretty simple Greek soup with rice, but the broth is thick and lemony. Back when I was a young church-goer, they would always serve it after the midnight service on Good Friday. And my Mom's version was even better. It's so thick and rich and delicious.
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Comment on What are some of your favorite stews/soups? in ~food
clem (edited )LinkI made this white chicken chili last night to eat tonight (it took me until 8:30 to finish it last night, plus chili always tastes better the next day, so it made sense to do it this way):...I made this white chicken chili last night to eat tonight (it took me until 8:30 to finish it last night, plus chili always tastes better the next day, so it made sense to do it this way): https://www.cookingclassy.com/white-chicken-chili/#jump-to-recipe. I sort of followed the recipe except:
- I doubled it, since I'm not going to do all that work for a small batch
- I used chickpeas and black beans instead of cannellini beans
- I used bell peppers instead of green chilies, since my family can't handle spice (I added plenty of cayenne and crushed red pepper to mine)
- The broth was made from the leftovers of a chicken cooked in barbecue sauce, so it had a lot of that flavor
- I added a can of crushed tomatoes, since to me, it doesn't seem like chili without any tomatoes
- I fried the peppers with the onions and garlic, and all for way longer, before adding the other stuff
- I added the spices to cook before deglazing with the broth
- I left out the cilantro, since my wife is a "cilantro tastes like soap" person
- There wasn't a ton of chicken left; maybe just 1 cup
So...it was really more like my recipe than that one, but it's the first time in a while I've followed a recipe for chili rather than just winging it, so I figured I should listen a little to someone who knew something about chili. It turned out good. Not the best thing ever, but I'll make it again.
I'm honestly not sure I have a favorite soup; or maybe it's just that none of the soups I make turn out amazing. I made a version of this one years ago and it actually was quite excellent, but it's been many years, and I don't think my family would like it. I frequently make chicken soup, and while I used to be pretty good at it, the past several times I've made it it's just been meh. It's always nice and hearty, but I'd like some nice complex savory flavors to go along with that heartiness. So I'm looking forward to exploring some of these suggestions.
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Comment on Is 67 just brain rot? in ~humanities.languages
clem Link ParentMy 8 year-old also learned it recently. It sounds like it's constant at his school and my wife's school (she teaches at the middle school). This is one meme that I sort of enjoy, though; it seems...My 8 year-old also learned it recently. It sounds like it's constant at his school and my wife's school (she teaches at the middle school). This is one meme that I sort of enjoy, though; it seems generally meaningless and totally harmless. My response is usually "8-9." And I figure my enjoyment of it will actually probably make it go away faster (also, on Halloween I saw one adult walking around with a 6 and 7 balloon).
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Comment on Looking for movies that combine religion mythology and supernatural elements in ~movies
clem (edited )LinkThe Devil's Advocate fits that description well. It's a weird movie, pretty uncomfortable in some parts, but I like it overall. I'll see if I can think of any others. Edit: Not a movie, but I...The Devil's Advocate fits that description well. It's a weird movie, pretty uncomfortable in some parts, but I like it overall. I'll see if I can think of any others.
Edit: Not a movie, but I liked the TV series Roar when it came out. This was back when I was 15, mind you. The religious aspect is that the main antagonist is Longinus, who pierced Jesus Christ with a spear and has been cursed with eternal life as a result. I'm starting to realize that this show might actually be why I find this trope so appealing. I think it made a significant impression on me as a teenager.
To answer how well I remember colors, I'll say: terribly. But I apparently did okay in this game (37.7/50): https://dialed.gg/?c=8T24DN. I did shockingly well on the last one, and got a 9.23 on the second. And I'm slightly colorblind, too.
I found it pretty awkward having to pick a color then having to adjust its darkness and...saturation (maybe?). I think I would've done better if there were simply a palette with all of the colors.
Regardless, like I said, I remember colors terribly. Ask me what color something was that I saw five minutes ago, and I might say red when it was blue.