39 votes

How would you rate adulthood?

Life since you entered the "adult world" (be it after college or after high school if you didn't go to college), how would you rate it compared to the life you had before?

60 comments

  1. [2]
    unkz
    Link
    I’d say it has been more or less continuous improvement. More money, more control, more fulfilment. Wife, kids, pets and property are all great. The only downside is the slow but seemingly...

    I’d say it has been more or less continuous improvement. More money, more control, more fulfilment. Wife, kids, pets and property are all great.

    The only downside is the slow but seemingly unavoidable physical degradation.

    41 votes
    1. sandaltree
      Link Parent
      Opposite for me. Constant decline. Work sucks compared to studying and the loss of freedom and time isn’t worth the money. Cannot escape the feeling of having to ”become something” so it’s hard to...

      Opposite for me. Constant decline. Work sucks compared to studying and the loss of freedom and time isn’t worth the money. Cannot escape the feeling of having to ”become something” so it’s hard to live in the moment and enjoy stuff. Adulthood is just more responsibilities and everything is worse. Miss the feeling of not having be depended on.

      19 votes
  2. [3]
    BashCrandiboot
    Link
    I'm 32. The older I get, the more the phrase "youth is wasted on the young" starts to make sense. I enjoyed my early years, but there was nothing you could have said to teenage Bash that would...

    I'm 32. The older I get, the more the phrase "youth is wasted on the young" starts to make sense.

    I enjoyed my early years, but there was nothing you could have said to teenage Bash that would have made him stop and truly live through those times with deep appreciation.

    For that reason, I felt pressure for awhile to make sure I truly appreciate the present, but it seems like one of those things where the harder you try to do it, the less of it you do.

    I think 20 years from now, I will feel the same way about these years, that I didn't appreciate them enough.

    At the same time, I think the only real way to appreciate your life is to look backwards and see how those experiences made you what your are today. You appreciate them later because it wouldn't be now without them.

    So I would rate adulthood about 6.5/10.

    33 votes
    1. [2]
      chocobean
      Link Parent
      Absolutely wasted on the young. I'm sure I'll look back 20 years from now and think how young I was in 2025, how little hurt, how I should have spent the time eating better, exercising more, and...

      Absolutely wasted on the young. I'm sure I'll look back 20 years from now and think how young I was in 2025, how little hurt, how I should have spent the time eating better, exercising more, and enjoy more of the mid 2020's.

      Things I miss: seemingly endless quantity of free time being by myself, enough to feel bored. I very much look forward to being alone again if I should be so lucky.

      Things I don't miss: financial dependence and living under someone else's roof.

      17 votes
      1. Hobofarmer
        Link Parent
        I feel this in my soul. I love my family, but some days I just want to be completely alone. There's a wonderful children's book about this that I love reading to my class, aptly titled "LEAVE ME...

        I very much look forward to being alone again if I should be so lucky.

        I feel this in my soul. I love my family, but some days I just want to be completely alone. There's a wonderful children's book about this that I love reading to my class, aptly titled "LEAVE ME ALONE!" by Vera Brosgol.

        12 votes
  3. [3]
    DefinitelyNotAFae
    (edited )
    Link
    You don't just magically figure it out, adults are just faking it. And then there's just a lot of things no one taught you so you're just faking it through that too. There's some real bullshit...

    You don't just magically figure it out, adults are just faking it. And then there's just a lot of things no one taught you so you're just faking it through that too. There's some real bullshit parts about adulthood.

    But it's way better than high school. Fuck high school. College has fewer responsibilities than adulthood but only because I wasn't having to pay my way through, and it's easy to forget how hard it was.

    28 votes
    1. [2]
      loaffy
      Link Parent
      This is so true. I frequently find myself being nostalgic about college. But I quickly realize I'm nostalgic for the clubs, sense of freedom, seeing friends regularly. It's very easy to forget...

      College has fewer responsibilities than adulthood but only because I wasn't having to pay my way through, and it's easy to forget how hard it was.

      This is so true.

      I frequently find myself being nostalgic about college. But I quickly realize I'm nostalgic for the clubs, sense of freedom, seeing friends regularly. It's very easy to forget leaving the library at 3am in tears because I just spent hours studying for an exam I was certain I was going to fail (I typically did lol).

      13 votes
      1. Froswald
        Link Parent
        I'm much the same way, although in a masochistic way I enjoyed the all-nighters I pulled in my major's building. Technically only grad students were allowed access after-hours but I stayed around...

        I'm much the same way, although in a masochistic way I enjoyed the all-nighters I pulled in my major's building. Technically only grad students were allowed access after-hours but I stayed around until they locked up, kept quiet and was nose-deep in my computer so no one batted an eye. I've been missing the feeling of everyone around you trying to better themself in some way (be it academically, socially or simple connections); it's a great environment for someone like me who tends to adopt my surroundings. Though I'll take more than subsistence income and the freedom to engage in loose pseudo-academia on my own time any day.

        5 votes
  4. [9]
    clem
    Link
    I miss the ability to so easily feel wonder at pretty much anything. And I miss that my imagination could take me to all sorts of magical places. But I don't miss the way adults, in general, treat...

    I miss the ability to so easily feel wonder at pretty much anything. And I miss that my imagination could take me to all sorts of magical places. But I don't miss the way adults, in general, treat kids by default. To most adults, kids are lesser people rather than just younger ones, and being subject to that felt awful.

    Adulthood is overall better. I've made some poor choices, but even so, I've largely had control over my life. I'm sure it helps that I'm a straight, white, always-been-male (sorry, but I hate the term "cis"), educated man who came from a middle-class childhood. But having the mental faculties to handle my emotions just makes everything better. That maturity was hard-fought through some rough times, and I appreciate how that has made me fairly level-headed and understanding of myself.

    It'd be a lot better with more money, though. Being able to afford all of my needs other than home repairs is pretty good, but having to neglect the care of my home has been stressful. I'm learning to do most of it myself, but it's a slow process with all the other things I have to do. All things considered, though, I enjoy life as an adult. There's lots I would change, but my days of contemplating suicide are long over. I love being a father; I love planet Earth, particularly my little space on it; and I love the feeling of existence, especially when I try to focus only on it. Those things make it totally worthwhile.

    15 votes
    1. [2]
      Hobofarmer
      Link Parent
      As a teacher to young children, I feel this. So often I see the kids I work with able to handle complex ideas, deep thoughts, and difficult concepts with aplomb. It's taught me to be far more...

      To most adults, kids are lesser people rather than just younger ones, and being subject to that felt awful.

      As a teacher to young children, I feel this. So often I see the kids I work with able to handle complex ideas, deep thoughts, and difficult concepts with aplomb. It's taught me to be far more empathetic and courteous, especially to the young.

      12 votes
      1. Froswald
        Link Parent
        I have difficulty relating to kids when I do speak with them. I know it's all in my own head, but I end up so stiffly awkward trying to talk that I either start stuttering/mumbling or default to...

        I have difficulty relating to kids when I do speak with them. I know it's all in my own head, but I end up so stiffly awkward trying to talk that I either start stuttering/mumbling or default to my 'work personality' and talk to them about the weather.

        4 votes
    2. [3]
      kingofsnake
      Link Parent
      DIY home repairs for the win :). I just learned that the last person to renovate this old place detached the central heating duct to my daughter's room because.. reasons? Props for your choice of...

      DIY home repairs for the win :). I just learned that the last person to renovate this old place detached the central heating duct to my daughter's room because.. reasons?

      Props for your choice of personal descriptor, too. Everybody gets to choose what they're called, and for me to, Cis is not it.

      5 votes
      1. [2]
        clem
        Link Parent
        Yeah, I have no problem with any of the ideas behind it and like that specifying it acknowledges trans people. But stopping short of calling myself what sounds like "sissy"? Not gonna happen. Even...

        Yeah, I have no problem with any of the ideas behind it and like that specifying it acknowledges trans people. But stopping short of calling myself what sounds like "sissy"? Not gonna happen. Even if it sometimes might be accurate!

        1 vote
        1. kingofsnake
          Link Parent
          Hah - same by most accounts. I think that it's an important part of the lexicon when discussing the trans experience, but it's not a word that I chose for myself.

          Hah - same by most accounts. I think that it's an important part of the lexicon when discussing the trans experience, but it's not a word that I chose for myself.

          2 votes
    3. [3]
      teaearlgraycold
      Link Parent
      May I interest you in the realm of psychedelics?

      I miss the ability to so easily feel wonder at pretty much anything.

      May I interest you in the realm of psychedelics?

      3 votes
      1. [2]
        clem
        Link Parent
        Haha, no... But maybe when my son's old enough to handle a total change in my personality. I almost tried LSD about 15 years ago and wonder what I'd be like if I had. But at the moment, drugs...

        Haha, no... But maybe when my son's old enough to handle a total change in my personality. I almost tried LSD about 15 years ago and wonder what I'd be like if I had. But at the moment, drugs other than coffee and alcohol do not suit my lifestyle!

        2 votes
        1. teaearlgraycold
          Link Parent
          Alright! Personally I recommend shrooms if you do ever try them.

          Alright! Personally I recommend shrooms if you do ever try them.

          2 votes
  5. Akir
    Link
    Frankly, I find it very strange that we consider adulthood to be a state of being. Age and maturity are both a spectrum, and so is the level of expectations that people are given. The ages we...

    Frankly, I find it very strange that we consider adulthood to be a state of being. Age and maturity are both a spectrum, and so is the level of expectations that people are given. The ages we consider people to be adult are ultimately arbitrary and they change depending on context and the personal opinions of the person observing them. Most countries have an arbitrary age for adulthood, but a person will not be considered an adult for specific rights and functions, i.e. operating motor vehicles or consuming alcohol.

    But I don't think there was ever really a time when I wasn't an adult. I had a very bad childhood and I spent a lot of time thinking about my mortality, so I don't know if I ever really had a time in my life where I was "innocent" and my ignorance of the ways the world worked did not last for long. If I were to choose 18 as the age when I became an adult, that marked the worst period of my life. But not long after that happened the quality of my life improved to something greater than I had experienced in all of my childhood since I was given autonomy and the ability to direct my own life.

    Now I'm roughly middle aged, and I'm thinking about my own mortality again. In some ways, I'm in better health now than I've ever been but in other ways my health is really deteriorating. I'm eating healthier and that's helping but I'm taking so many medications to maintain myself; I'm even taking two different ones just in an attempt to keep what little hair I still have left. Neither my father nor my grandfather had particularly long lives, and I don't have high hopes for me lasting that long. They also died poor and that's looking like what's going to happen to me as well, and unfortunately I do not have the "luxury" of military retirement benefits.

    But you should disregard those gloomy thoughts. I'm actually pretty happy. I've been on something of a sabbatical for the past few months as I quit my rather stressful and underpaying job and started working on an alternative career that is much more rewarding but much worse paying somehow. That old job was making me depressed, and it was still a lot less bad than my childhood, so adulthood is still definitely where I'd want to be.

    11 votes
  6. [3]
    Kind_of_Ben
    Link
    I'm elder Gen Z in the US, so my legal adulthood started shortly before Trump came on the political scene. I haven't gotten to be an adult without worrying about him yet. So that's great. I hate...

    I'm elder Gen Z in the US, so my legal adulthood started shortly before Trump came on the political scene. I haven't gotten to be an adult without worrying about him yet. So that's great. I hate to bring politics into yet another thread, but it would be dishonest to ignore the effect that modern American fascism has had on my adulthood.

    I've hated both jobs I've had since graduating college (I am/was a band teacher). College and grad school were the only things that felt right to me since reaching adulthood, and even those had a lot of bad times mental-health-wise. I have no idea what to do with my future because I no longer feel sure at all of the field I trained for and can't figure out if it's worth fighting to stay in it.

    I lost proximity to all of my friends each of the three times I've graduated schools. I currently live with my parents because my most recent job was 20 minutes from their house, and because I don't think I would do well mentally living alone. My remaining true friends live 1.5 hours away, 2.5 hours away, and 9 hours away. I sleep 12-14 hours a night and I think it's because of the mental health medication I'm taking. I'm not sure because my therapist is kind of useless.

    I don't want to be a kid again - the freedom is great. The rest, not so much.

    3/10

    11 votes
    1. [2]
      arch
      Link Parent
      I don't know how much hearing anything from someone like me could possibly help, but the only thing I can think of to say that I think would help you is this. Try your best to take every single...

      I don't know how much hearing anything from someone like me could possibly help, but the only thing I can think of to say that I think would help you is this. Try your best to take every single step you can away from the political world, especially in regards to how it will effect your career choices. I know that it feels very stupid, because this administration is absolutely going to throw up roadblocks that you will have to respond to. Because fascism is going to make all of our lives more difficult, and depending on exactly who you are it might become very difficult. But if you are going to avoid pursuing grad school because of the policies that are being enacted, then you are choosing to cut yourself off from your passion, and honestly that is only going to make you depressed in the end. If you love teaching, but can't stand the bureaucracy of the public school system, then you need to find a way of teaching that either doesn't involve that system, or makes it bearable to you. Be it private tutor/lessons, private schooling, or something else entirely.

      The first thing to do is to decide what you want to do in life. And only after you have made that decision start navigating the roadblocks that currently exist in front of you.

      I guess that is the advice I would have actually wished I was given and lead through when I was younger. Because no amount of platitudes (youth is wasted on the young, follow your passion, etc) will help a kid who lacks the experiences to actually choose their paths through life. Yes, when I was young I had every single door open to me, just like very kid does. The only way to know what lies through those doors is to walk through them, and the moment you do you cut yourself off from so many others. But we have a tendency to look too far ahead, especially those of us with mental health challenges, and we assume certain paths are off limits, or are too hard, so we don't even try them.

      9 votes
      1. Kind_of_Ben
        Link Parent
        This is hard to remember but helpful to hear. I definitely need to try to be more honest with myself about what is within my power to change, and not let things that are difficult or unpleasant...

        we assume certain paths are off limits, or are too hard, so we don't even try them.

        This is hard to remember but helpful to hear. I definitely need to try to be more honest with myself about what is within my power to change, and not let things that are difficult or unpleasant get in the way. Thanks for taking the time to write your response.

        8 votes
  7. Hobofarmer
    Link
    Well, I began my adulthood by nearly ending it, and it's been a long, slow march uphill ever since. At 20 I was nearly homeless. By 25 I'd found friends and my own place and a purpose in life. I...

    Well, I began my adulthood by nearly ending it, and it's been a long, slow march uphill ever since. At 20 I was nearly homeless. By 25 I'd found friends and my own place and a purpose in life. I hit 30 owning a home and starting a family. At 35 now, I've finally completed my degree and feel ready to achieve more.

    I'm happy with myself and where I'm at. I'm content or at least at peace with most of the choices I've made. I feel confident about the future, at least at a personal level.

    Things I believe I'd benefit from... A shit load of therapy, and probably adhd medication. I've managed to keep my mental health under control since my early adulthood, but sometimes it feels like only just. Every year it gets easier though.


    "I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was younger"

    So the song goes, and so it ever is. I wish I could go back and tell younger me that it's all gonna be ok, to just hang on and hold out. Second best I can do is keep my eyes out to help those that are struggling now. I see so many youths who are troubled and suffering and my heart goes out to them.

    It gets better.

    Edit: I never gave a rating exactly, so how about a 7/10. Things could have gone WAY better for me (I had so much opportunity when I was young!) but also WAY WAY WORSE.

    8 votes
  8. [2]
    teaearlgraycold
    Link
    I suppose I’m lucky in that it’s been good for me. I’m a younger millennial and have done well financially. Since graduating college I’ve resolved my depression, significantly increased my...

    I suppose I’m lucky in that it’s been good for me. I’m a younger millennial and have done well financially. Since graduating college I’ve resolved my depression, significantly increased my fitness, made some great friends, maintained old friendships, and traveled a bit. I’m currently in a bit of a career break - basically an adult age extra long summer vacation.

    Not looking forward to aging, but it’s better than the alternative. With a little luck it should be okay as long as I take care of my health. My parents and grandparents have/had issues that can be addressed by targeted exercises. I want to avoid knee and back issues. So cycling, back and core workouts should prevent the worst there.

    Anyway I’d rate adulthood a 10/10

    7 votes
    1. chocobean
      Link Parent
      this is fantastic, good for you, and very happy for you!

      this is fantastic, good for you, and very happy for you!

      2 votes
  9. PossiblyBipedal
    Link
    I'm about middle aged. Adulthood has been a tough ride so far. I've gone through having to be a caregiver and then ended up being unwell myself. There's a lot of trauma to work through. But I've...

    I'm about middle aged.

    Adulthood has been a tough ride so far. I've gone through having to be a caregiver and then ended up being unwell myself. There's a lot of trauma to work through.

    But I've also discovered many things about my brain and how it functions. I recently got diagnosed with ADHD and suddenly a lot of my issues made sense. I am very thankful for that. Stimulants have also been a great help.

    I'm in medical debt, jobless and still have some issues. But weirdly, I'm fine with adulthood?

    It's fine. I like adulthood. Life is tough but you make your own decisions and live your own way. I very much prefer it to childhood despite its challenges. But my childhood wasn't great. So there's bias there.

    I love being an adult. No matter how hard it gets. I never want to go back.

    7 votes
  10. [5]
    kingofsnake
    Link
    I have to admit, I was looking for a few more breakdowns of life's gameplay, graphics, plot and sound design in this thread :) For me, I've treated most everything after high school as one part...

    I have to admit, I was looking for a few more breakdowns of life's gameplay, graphics, plot and sound design in this thread :)

    For me, I've treated most everything after high school as one part heroes journey, one part 'let yourself off the hook' and one part 'once more with feeling". My friends, living arrangements and goals were more carefree than many would be comfortable with, but they were my choices and with that, comes a level of freedom to be yourself that I don't think many people enjoy to the same degree. For that reason, in still riding high at an 8 or 9.

    To break that down, a through line in my life is that I was always a distracted kid whose interests outside of school stole his attention away from school. It made traditional work and education an aimless endeavor in the early years, and especially so since I come from a single parent household, little money and a zero postsecondary experience among my extended family.

    Following an education in the arts and a career in the turbulent world of film and TV production, I felt no shame going back to school in my mid-20s for a desk job that's creative adjacent (communications). Working at the university that I'd finish a free graduate degree at, I'm about to shift careers again into urban planning and land use.

    My life hasn't been a straight line, but I feel like breaking the mold I came from in more ways than one has been liberating in the best way. At 40 now, I have a great partner, a one year old, a house and a career and couldn't be happier.

    ...I also have a boatload of half finished projects, a history of moving on to new careers prematurely and a perpetual Peter Pan-like abdication of taking on more responsibility with work.

    The road behind is littered with these corpses, but whatever, who isn't a walking contradiction. I think it's that statement that helps me sleep at night. Some people have hyper focused skill trees, others are generalists - nobody's good at everything and everybody has a fatal flaw.

    6 votes
    1. [4]
      chocobean
      Link Parent
      The main gameloop is a bit of a grind. Is there an easier way to farm gold? I'm also started to get very worn out by the NPCs who need frequent fetch / escort quests, as well as sudden interrupt...

      The main gameloop is a bit of a grind. Is there an easier way to farm gold? I'm also started to get very worn out by the NPCs who need frequent fetch / escort quests, as well as sudden interrupt or time limited "events". I miss the earlier pacing when there weren't near as many time limited events that require immediate response.

      On the other hand, for the current build phase I chose a super pretty setting, so it's always nice seeing the sun rise with God rays hitting that ocean just right, hear the storm and wild waves at night, or the pink and orange fire sunset behind the forest. The richly layered sound design and the sheer variety of textures / sprites in every direction is awe inspiring, I can see where the dev put their budget.

      I wish players had better information during lower levels about how to level up mental health points though. Seems to be highly critical for every build that we didn't hear much about.

      7 votes
      1. [3]
        kingofsnake
        Link Parent
        Well, they do say that youth is wasted on the young. I'd also like to add that unlike the Disney/Square Enix/everything instruction manual says, the the protagonist typical age of 15 to 22 is not...

        Well, they do say that youth is wasted on the young.

        I'd also like to add that unlike the Disney/Square Enix/everything instruction manual says, the the protagonist typical age of 15 to 22 is not when you do the most adventuring, leveling up or god killing. No, that's false E3 booth advertising and his little to do with the scenes and characters actually included in the game.

        3 votes
        1. [2]
          chocobean
          Link Parent
          I mostly play very casual farm sim these days, plus looking after the lower level guildmate, aside from the button clicking gold mining required grind. No god killing or long unexpected adventures...

          I mostly play very casual farm sim these days, plus looking after the lower level guildmate, aside from the button clicking gold mining required grind. No god killing or long unexpected adventures in the cards for me, Dev willing.

          Moses went on his main quest at 120. Bilbo Baggins when he was 60. So you're absolutely right and 15-22 is wasted on the young

          4 votes
          1. kingofsnake
            Link Parent
            Haha - forget Harrison Ford or James Cameron's careers beginning in their 40's - The Greatest Adventure of Master Baggins is the high watermark we must aspire to!

            Haha - forget Harrison Ford or James Cameron's careers beginning in their 40's - The Greatest Adventure of Master Baggins is the high watermark we must aspire to!

            4 votes
  11. [4]
    LukeZaz
    Link
    Awful. My adulthood has seen a smorgasbord of mental issues crop up right off the heels of discovering a lifelong disability, followed by a steadily worsening quality-of-life. Much of the last few...

    Awful. My adulthood has seen a smorgasbord of mental issues crop up right off the heels of discovering a lifelong disability, followed by a steadily worsening quality-of-life. Much of the last few years of my life have been the worst I've yet experienced.

    I have more problems than ever, more responsibility than I can possibly handle, more stress than I previously imagined, and have lost almost all my ambition wholesale.

    I have extremely little hope for the future.

    6 votes
    1. chocobean
      Link Parent
      That sucks dude, it sounds like you've been dealt a bad hand more than most. I hope your ongoing adulthood take a sharp up turn for the far better this year.

      That sucks dude, it sounds like you've been dealt a bad hand more than most. I hope your ongoing adulthood take a sharp up turn for the far better this year.

      2 votes
    2. [2]
      frailtomato
      Link Parent
      I'm sorry this has been your experience. Are there bright spots?

      I'm sorry this has been your experience. Are there bright spots?

      1. LukeZaz
        Link Parent
        A few. I've gotten a better understanding of my mental health alongside the problems I've gotten, and some family members of mine have managed to recently make some huge strides for themselves....

        A few. I've gotten a better understanding of my mental health alongside the problems I've gotten, and some family members of mine have managed to recently make some huge strides for themselves. It's just not been a good time overall by any stretch.

        1 vote
  12. [2]
    Bullmaestro
    Link
    Now I may be biased, as someone who is on the autism spectrum living with overbearing and mollycoddling parents, but my adulthood has been a solid 4/10. University wasn't a great social experience...

    Now I may be biased, as someone who is on the autism spectrum living with overbearing and mollycoddling parents, but my adulthood has been a solid 4/10.

    University wasn't a great social experience due to the circumstances listed above, and academically I wasted three years and roughly £10k of student debt on a History degree which I have been unable to use. Three years I won't get back and it's not like I can study another degree either.

    Eighteen months of unemployment, a three year stint in a shitty call centre job, years of AAT and ACCA studies, and several other accounting gigs later and I now work in commercial finance where about 75% of my job is downtime, 15% is preparing weekly sales reports, 5% is preparing a few reports that I do monthly, and the other 5% are the one or two busy days where I have to build presentation packs for each market. The pay was good when I first got this promotion but is now kinda shit compared to more junior roles, and when it took seventeen months to get a measly £600 pay increase from £30k to £30.6k, I really feel like things have stagnated. On the plus side, it's a role that's almost fully remote, but that's also a double-edged sword because I feel like there is little to no social interaction beyond the occasional Teams message. The only reasons I haven't quit are a lengthy notice period shackling me to this job, and because I'm in the process of buying a flat and need the stable income.

    My social life mainly involves visits to the pub, in part due to my interest in video games waning, to get myself out of the house, and because it's my only real social outlet. Life is depressing and even trying to see a shrink is a damn near impossible task. Even private therapists are heavily oversubscribed, and the British medical system is just getting shittier and shittier.

    5 votes
    1. kingofsnake
      Link Parent
      Man, sorry to hear it. When it comes to a lessening interest in video games, I feel ya. There's a strong part of me that still remembers and kings for the joy games brought me during my...

      Man, sorry to hear it. When it comes to a lessening interest in video games, I feel ya. There's a strong part of me that still remembers and kings for the joy games brought me during my adolescence, but there's no recapturing that feeling. It's gone, and not because the games are any different (try playing your childhood favourites over :/), but because we've changed.

      While it sounds like a mixed bag in terms of results, there's a big upswing in the number of people using AI chatbots for therapy. If anything, it might help to sort out some of your feelings about your parents, your job and what you want out of the next year.

      Also, I wish I'd studied history. I did a general studies/communications degree in Canada and while that feeds into comms jobs, the rigor and knowledge one gets from a history degree is unmatched.

      Props on the flat purchase as well.

      Hold in there.

      3 votes
  13. [2]
    hobbes64
    Link
    Years ago I read the book Replay by Ken Grimwood. In the book the protagonist dies at 43 years old but wakes up at 25 years previously with all of his memories. So he has a chance to correct any...

    Years ago I read the book Replay by Ken Grimwood. In the book the protagonist dies at 43 years old but wakes up at 25 years previously with all of his memories. So he has a chance to correct any mistakes he thinks he made.
    I guess this story appealed to me because I started fantasizing about redoing parts of my life only a few years after I graduated from high school. Things have worked out fine for me but I think I'm a perfectionist and I just always have a feeling that I'd like to return to a previous "save" like in an adventure game.
    So what I think about being an adult is that you generally have a lot of freedom, but then you have to live with your choices and you might have some regrets. It may be tempting to live in the past a bit, and romanticize being younger before you messed up something, or to go wish for a time when all of your choices were made for you by someone else. But part of being younger is that you make mistakes and hopefully you gain wisdom from that. So appreciate yourself and this wisdom as you age.

    Here is a full description of the book on wikipedia, but note that it completely spoils the entire plot so don't read this is you think the premise is interesting.
    Replay.

    5 votes
    1. kingofsnake
      Link Parent
      New Game + is cool, but is it as good the second time around if you already know what's going to happen? Would it still be *your life * with those changes made? Cool link.

      New Game + is cool, but is it as good the second time around if you already know what's going to happen? Would it still be *your life * with those changes made?

      Cool link.

      1 vote
  14. [11]
    lou
    (edited )
    Link
    Until around 35 years old it was a blast. I mean I had plenty of dark moments but things were interesting and eventful. I am now 42, a husband and a father of a 17-months-old. Being a father right...

    Until around 35 years old it was a blast. I mean I had plenty of dark moments but things were interesting and eventful.

    I am now 42, a husband and a father of a 17-months-old. Being a father right now is not "a blast", but it is meaningful and worthy. Like fighting the Nazis in WW2. You do it for an ultimate goal, not because you love the smell of gunpowder. Also, male friends run from me like the plague now. I guess they think fatherhood is contagious.

    5 votes
    1. [3]
      kingofsnake
      Link Parent
      At 40 with a one year old, I feel you. It's all routine, burning the candle at both ends and repeating it over and over. Not sure if you child is in daycare, but the first week we put mine in, she...

      At 40 with a one year old, I feel you. It's all routine, burning the candle at both ends and repeating it over and over. Not sure if you child is in daycare, but the first week we put mine in, she came home sick and well...

      I never appreciated how screwy the sick kid situation was until I had to experience it.

      As for male friends, that's interesting. I have the opposite - all of the dudes with kids want to hang and play video games, and to the contrary, all of my female friends have disappeared and just want to hang with other women (of which I am not).

      2 votes
      1. [2]
        lou
        (edited )
        Link Parent
        My male friends don't have kids, so that is probably why they couldn't care less about being around a toddler. I didn't care about children before either, and I still don't. I care about my son,...

        My male friends don't have kids, so that is probably why they couldn't care less about being around a toddler. I didn't care about children before either, and I still don't. I care about my son, but I don't have an indiscriminate fascination for babies, toddlers, etc. So I'm not sure I can blame them. I'm sure I will enjoy things more when my son can play videogames and such. I love my son but 17-month-olds are not terribly interesting. On top of that, I have ADHD. Medication helps a lot but it only lasts for a certain amount of hours and I can't be on medication 24/7. There is a limit to how much medication you can take every day. Anything past that is unhealthy and my doctor wouldn't allow me even if I wanted it.

        1 vote
        1. kingofsnake
          Link Parent
          Totally fair. I'm with you on the video game front. In fact, I'm building a four screen Mame machine right now so that she knows games from year 4 onward ;)

          Totally fair. I'm with you on the video game front. In fact, I'm building a four screen Mame machine right now so that she knows games from year 4 onward ;)

          1 vote
    2. [7]
      chocobean
      Link Parent
      Families are sort of contagious though...at the very least they multiply. O..o How would you rate youth, adulthood vs fatherhood on a scale of 10.

      Families are sort of contagious though...at the very least they multiply. O..o

      How would you rate youth, adulthood vs fatherhood on a scale of 10.

      1. [6]
        lou
        (edited )
        Link Parent
        I can't rate such a vast and diverse array of subjective experiences on a scale of 1 to 10. Adulthood is definitely better than being young in no small part due to my traumatic childhood and...

        I can't rate such a vast and diverse array of subjective experiences on a scale of 1 to 10. Adulthood is definitely better than being young in no small part due to my traumatic childhood and fucked up family life.

        Anyone rationally listing the pros and cons of having a kid should come to the conclusion that having a kid is the worst, most stupid idea anyone can have. That doesn't mean that no one should have kids. It only means that the good bits of being a father or mother are not easily quantifiable or neatly reduceable to elementary logic or math.

        Having a son is about the most stupidest thing I have ever done. However, have you seen my son smile? Or how he screams for his "papa" when he wakes up in the morning? I'm not saying that this "makes it all worth it", I'm not making calculations here. If someone thinks they shouldn't have kids they're probably right. But come on, my son is pretty special.

        1 vote
        1. [5]
          chocobean
          Link Parent
          Hmmmm I think I get it. Having a kid, 0/10 would not recommend. Having this particular kid, 10/10, 13/10 with rice.

          Hmmmm I think I get it. Having a kid, 0/10 would not recommend. Having this particular kid, 10/10, 13/10 with rice.

          4 votes
          1. [4]
            lou
            (edited )
            Link Parent
            Yes. Of course most parents will think their kid is the best, cutest kid ever. That's how it goes :P In any, case, no one should expect having kids to be "worth it" on a rational level. You gotta...

            Yes. Of course most parents will think their kid is the best, cutest kid ever. That's how it goes :P

            In any, case, no one should expect having kids to be "worth it" on a rational level. You gotta have some emotional investment that will tip the scale. That is my opinion at least.

            1 vote
            1. [3]
              kingofsnake
              (edited )
              Link Parent
              I'm telling myself that the decision to have kids will absolutely be worth it when we're in our 60s and 70s. Nothing looks familiar anymore, our friends are dying and we have this latent,...

              I'm telling myself that the decision to have kids will absolutely be worth it when we're in our 60s and 70s.

              Nothing looks familiar anymore, our friends are dying and we have this latent, desperate need to belong to a world that no longer needs us.

              I'm hoping that my kid doesn't just put us in a home, because we'll need somebody to help us program our neurallink to record Seinfeld reruns

              3 votes
              1. [2]
                lou
                (edited )
                Link Parent
                I think it's important to have an emotional reason for having a kid because it is not transactional. What you put in won't necessarily come back as an equivalent reward. Not like that anyway, I...

                I think it's important to have an emotional reason for having a kid because it is not transactional. What you put in won't necessarily come back as an equivalent reward. Not like that anyway, I think. It seems like you have plenty of emotion invested in this. I hope it goes well for you and your kid(s) ;)

                1 vote
                1. kingofsnake
                  Link Parent
                  Amen. One can always hope! To you, too. If anything, being a parent sure isnt dull!

                  Amen. One can always hope! To you, too.

                  If anything, being a parent sure isnt dull!

                  1 vote
  15. [3]
    ButteredToast
    Link
    Currently in my mid-30s, I’d say so far it’s skewed positive while also being a rollercoaster of ups and downs. College years were rough because my head wasn’t in the right place. I was more...

    Currently in my mid-30s, I’d say so far it’s skewed positive while also being a rollercoaster of ups and downs.

    • College years were rough because my head wasn’t in the right place. I was more interested in developing myself socially than performing well academically and ended up somewhere between bad and mediocre at both.
    • Early-mid 20s I was dead broke, directionless, and probably somewhat depressed and though I had skills that weren’t all that far off from making me hirable, I had no idea how to close that gap and might not have figured out how to if a couple of people in my life at that point hadn’t seen the potential in me and given me a push.
    • Late 20s was nose to the grindstone 110% focus on work as to not lose my newfound well paying job, because I didn’t know if I’d get another chance if I flubbed this one.
    • Early 30s was mostly about internalizing that I could cover cost of living and have a decent chunk left over if I play my cards right
    • Present day, getting finances in order and feeling increasingly responsible for immediate family’s (parents/siblings, not children or spouse) wellbeing

    I’m extremely fortunate to have been able to get a good job and not have to struggle and I’m grateful for that, but especially in the past year or two I’ve been coming to miss my teenage years, where I poured nearly all my waking time outside of school pursuing my interests, whether that be making art and graphics in Photoshop, dabbling in programming, modding and playing games, trying my hand at 3D modeling and rendering, getting lost in Wikipedia rabbitholes, etc etc. I’ve expressed this in other posts here, but almost everything is interesting if you dig in a little and my teenage self did exactly that. I also was was just able to get lost in my work for hours on end without consequence. All of that is now much more difficult with a full plate of adult responsibilities.

    If I could have my current brain and financial situation, my late-teens/early-20s body, and freewheeling teenage living situation I’d be busy around the clock with something or another for years to come.

    So mostly good, but I’m starting to feel a bit tired and I’m wishing I could pare down my responsibility load.

    4 votes
    1. kingofsnake
      Link Parent
      Life's responsibilities always get in the way of a multi-day hobby bender. I miss it too.

      Life's responsibilities always get in the way of a multi-day hobby bender. I miss it too.

      2 votes
    2. ZeroGee
      Link Parent
      Hello me. It's nice to see my own thoughts and feelings almost perfectly reflected by another. The daunting task of learning about something so that I can enjoy it later was easier to swallow when...

      Hello me. It's nice to see my own thoughts and feelings almost perfectly reflected by another.

      The daunting task of learning about something so that I can enjoy it later was easier to swallow when we were younger with more free time. Trying to find time to suck less at something new, when you don't have more than an hour to yourself, becomes its own type of responsibility.

      1 vote
  16. [3]
    krellor
    Link
    7/10 9/10 with rice. I can't compare with my youth, because I had a broken upbringing. 3/10. I can't complain though. Life has turned out far better for me than I had any right to expect. Most of...

    7/10

    9/10 with rice.

    I can't compare with my youth, because I had a broken upbringing. 3/10.

    I can't complain though. Life has turned out far better for me than I had any right to expect. Most of my stressors are self inflicted by seeking out greater responsibilities. I do look forward to winding down at some point and focusing on travel and hobbies. But for now I keep up the good fight.

    4 votes
    1. [2]
      chocobean
      Link Parent
      I love your reference to the rating with rice. It's the only way I know how to give ratings anymore. Broken upbringing brigade high five.

      I love your reference to the rating with rice. It's the only way I know how to give ratings anymore.

      Broken upbringing brigade high five.

      1 vote
      1. krellor
        Link Parent
        You always have to address the rice factor! I hope it has been a steady trend upwards for you in life!

        You always have to address the rice factor!

        I hope it has been a steady trend upwards for you in life!

        2 votes
  17. rosco
    Link
    I've loved it. Some things are hard, and getting harder, like watching my parent's health decline or piling up my own injuries that are becoming chronic (thank you Dupuyten's!). But broadly it's...

    I've loved it. Some things are hard, and getting harder, like watching my parent's health decline or piling up my own injuries that are becoming chronic (thank you Dupuyten's!). But broadly it's been a real treat. I've made friends all over the world. I've created a little community of folks I love and feel understood by. I rarely have to interact with people I dislike (minus the inlaws). I work for myself and get to set our company culture to be one of very healthy work life balance. I have hobbies I love and have done them long enough I feel accomplished and competent doing them. I've had the opportunity to do things I never would have dreamed of as a kid - work with Nat Geo, get behind the scenes of world wonders, etc. And I've been able to experience a variety of types of love - both romantic and platonic. I have purpose. I can find joy in the small parts of my day. I feel pretty content. Even with the smaller things that can eat at me.

    The truth is you also caught me on a great day. I swam with harbor seals and, for the first time ever, whales this morning! In some of the clearest water I've seen where I live! It's sunny. I made fresh granola. I get to go tide pooling with great friends on an incredibly low tide today. I'm going to make some fun ceramic sculptures after and finish the day making a delicious meal with my partner, with food we picked up yesterday from the farmers market, and maybe watch a movie. It's been a really good day. But I think that is the magic of being an adult. There are some things I have to do, like work, but broadly I can mold my life into a very comfy blanket. I had a nice time growing up, be it sometimes awkward, but I feel like my life now is just full of delight. Much more so than when I was in my teenage years.

    2 votes
  18. elight
    (edited )
    Link
    Mostly unpleasant. Childhood was fairly awful. Emotional abuse. Bullying. Only to be followed by an adolescence and early adulthood much the same. As an adult, I get to pay for the damage done to...

    Mostly unpleasant.

    Childhood was fairly awful. Emotional abuse. Bullying. Only to be followed by an adolescence and early adulthood much the same.

    As an adult, I get to pay for the damage done to my soul by others: all of the hate and fear compounded and compressed by decades. We call it "trauma" now. I almost wish I'd never discovered it was there—discovered that my life experience was so abnormal.

    I've spent a decade, now, trying to heal (therapy and more). It's been a decade confirming what I was always afraid of: I'm far from normal. I discovered my combined type ADHD, alexithymia, and possible mostly-functional ASD.

    I'm married a second time. My first wife lost in 2013 to Huntington's Disease after a decade-long war of attrition. I truly didn't expect to survive her by more than a year, the experience cost me so dearly. My second wife, who brought her own lesser traumas, has suffered from mine, despite my best efforts.

    I'm unemployed nearly two years now. Big Tech was more emotional abuse. Discovering myself ND has led me to see my past Jobs™️ as contributing to my trauma. I'm trying to find another way but my past weighs me down.

    I'm at least fortunate that we saved for years; I always knew an economic downturn could leave me unemployed. I went through 2000 and 2008 before this. Though I expected I and the world would be very different in that event. Tech hiring is now brutal and inhumane. The late-stage capitalist work environment is extractive in the extreme. I find little room for truth and decency in that place.

    At 51, I feel more alone and jaded now than almost any time in my life, save for my time as a caregiver that ended in 2013.

    Much like my childhood, my adulthood is full of sadness and angst punctuated by anger and rage that I still, after years of work, try to hide from myself, with brief moments of respite and occasional catharsis. There are even times I manage to convince myself that I've left behind the bulk of those negative qualities. Then I often find that I was living in another delusion made up of more of my blind spots.

    I have little hope of this improving. Though little is more than none.

    I begin to see the question I need to be asking myself: what would it take for me to feel pride in myself again?

    2 votes
  19. TonesTones
    Link
    I’d probably have to give my adulthood (as in post-college life) a perfect rating. I’m lucky enough that my college days were so miserable as to show me that finding serenity is much more about...

    I’d probably have to give my adulthood (as in post-college life) a perfect rating. I’m lucky enough that my college days were so miserable as to show me that finding serenity is much more about the “how” of life than about the “what”.

    Challenges and struggles are inevitable and I find that I appreciate life when I reframe those struggles instead of trying to eliminate them. I could surely imagine plenty of ways my life and the world could be better, but in both contexts, “could” is definitely not “should”.

    2 votes
  20. zatamzzar
    (edited )
    Link
    I turned 50 back in October and I guess I'm having a midlife crisis now. I'm married with kids. It's mostly a happy marriage, if a bit boring. I always feel like I'm letting my wife down, though....

    I turned 50 back in October and I guess I'm having a midlife crisis now.

    I'm married with kids. It's mostly a happy marriage, if a bit boring. I always feel like I'm letting my wife down, though.

    The last few years I've come to terms that I've been in denial about my sexuality. That's sure fun! Especially when my parents are extra conservative. I haven't told anyone, and I'm looking for a therapist.

    I have a good job. Make decent money. But I hate it. The work is boring and unfulfilling. It's like there's something missing, or maybe I took a wrong path.

    I'm constantly daydreaming about what my life would be like if I had taken a different path, studied different things, made different choices.

    I can relate to much of the feeling of loneliness that everybody mentions, but I've been trying to make efforts at reconnecting with old friends. So, I suppose, that's a positive, right?

    On the bright side, I suppose having these problems is better than being dead, because that would suck. Honestly, adulthood is kind of meh.

    1 vote
  21. X08
    Link
    Adult life for me doesn't feel like being an adult at 36. I struggled to understand myself from an early age and trying to fit in became almost an anxious obsession, only to figure out I was trans...

    Adult life for me doesn't feel like being an adult at 36. I struggled to understand myself from an early age and trying to fit in became almost an anxious obsession, only to figure out I was trans and just recently figuring out I also suffer from avoidant personality disorder coupled with minor OCD. I tried so many educational paths and they've ended up not being completed. Now in my second depressive episode all I can do is survive, hope to have a good day, try to find something to occupy the mind and maybe do something with the few good friends I do have.

    Adult life to me is a cruel mistress. I see my peers do all the things that are almost expected in our western society; marriage, a house, children. To me I score it a 4/10.

    Glancing over some other replies I'm glad most have a good life though.