fuzzy's recent activity
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Comment on These cookies are 3D-printed and made of recycled plastic in ~science
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Comment on A Western Mass. lesbian bar required KN-95 masks. When it changed the rules, all hell broke loose. in ~lgbt
fuzzy (edited )LinkI came away from this article feeling that several of the people in it are deeply miserable and/or mentally unwell. Weaponizing intersectional rhetoric to pursue personal grievances does not...I came away from this article feeling that several of the people in it are deeply miserable and/or mentally unwell. Weaponizing intersectional rhetoric to pursue personal grievances does not advance a better or more just tomorrow, it's just bullying dressed up in 21st century trappings.
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Comment on Deciding whether (or not) to have a child in ~life
fuzzy Link ParentI hear that. The question is, though, how does one properly consider the possibility that harm or suffering will befall that full human from factors outside of ones control?I hear that. The question is, though, how does one properly consider the possibility that harm or suffering will befall that full human from factors outside of ones control?
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Comment on Deciding whether (or not) to have a child in ~life
fuzzy Link ParentFor what it's worth I completely agree with you. Such is the absurdity of the endlessly ruminating mind.For what it's worth I completely agree with you. Such is the absurdity of the endlessly ruminating mind.
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Comment on Deciding whether (or not) to have a child in ~life
fuzzy Link ParentI appreciate the insight. I agree that the nihilism on social media has gotten out of hand. It's not just that it's there, it's that it's celebrated and reinforced. And that's a one way road to...I appreciate the insight. I agree that the nihilism on social media has gotten out of hand. It's not just that it's there, it's that it's celebrated and reinforced. And that's a one way road to being a miserable sonuvabitch.
We'll need motivation to tackle our world's problems. I don't think not having kids and lamenting the state of the world is the best way to nurture that motivation.
Maybe don't view this from the perspective of your child inheriting a broken world, view your well brought up child as a gift to help do his part fixing the world.
This is valid. I must ask, though: have you ever felt bitter about inheriting the world we're presently in?
I ask because it's something I've struggled with a lot.
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Comment on Deciding whether (or not) to have a child in ~life
fuzzy Link ParentYour 17 year old is hopeless about the future? What age did that manifest, and do you see a route out of it? (I see some of my teenage self in that, sadly)Your 17 year old is hopeless about the future? What age did that manifest, and do you see a route out of it?
(I see some of my teenage self in that, sadly)
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Comment on Deciding whether (or not) to have a child in ~life
fuzzy Link ParentSeveral nature-based carbon removal techniques are feasible in a general sense (e.g. biochar, ocean alkalinity enhancement, rock weathering), but (a) they need more R&D to scale and (b) they can't...Several nature-based carbon removal techniques are feasible in a general sense (e.g. biochar, ocean alkalinity enhancement, rock weathering), but (a) they need more R&D to scale and (b) they can't scale enough to excuse us from having to massively cut emissions.
The reality is that we're at a point where decarbonizing alone isn't enough and we have to be honest with ourselves and shift to an all of the above approach. Decarbonizing and carbon removal and adaptation and research into temporary global cooling methods to avoid tipping points.
I often feel frustrated that, on top of the right wing climate deniers, we still have a (slowly shrinking) contingent of well-meaning environmentalists who won't acknowledge we need to shift to 'all of the above.' Yeah it sucks that we're here but we can't do the perfect as the enemy of the good thing again. Perspectives are slowly shifting ... hopefully that shift happens fast enough.
Plus the internet has its fair share of misanthropes who would literally rather let the world burn than shore up the stability of human society.
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Comment on Deciding whether (or not) to have a child in ~life
fuzzy LinkAs a postscript, I'm also aware of how absurd it is to ruminate heavily on, essentially, whether or not I want to 'inflict' being born on my potential child when they'd be born into objectively...As a postscript, I'm also aware of how absurd it is to ruminate heavily on, essentially, whether or not I want to 'inflict' being born on my potential child when they'd be born into objectively better circumstances than 90% of people on Earth - and than most of the human beings who've ever existed!
Most of those folks didn't give it a second thought but here I am wondering if my kids' life would be worth living or if they'll one day resent me for having them. Ahh, the perils of an endlessly ruminating mind.
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Comment on Deciding whether (or not) to have a child in ~life
fuzzy Link ParentThe health anxieties are so real. One certainly hears many horror stories about pregnancy and child birth, and the idea of possibly losing my partner - no matter how remote - is just harrowing. As...The health anxieties are so real. One certainly hears many horror stories about pregnancy and child birth, and the idea of possibly losing my partner - no matter how remote - is just harrowing. As I told her: "I'd rather have you and no child then a child and no you."
Of course that's anxiety and fear brain talking. Life necessitates risk, and if I had never risked anything I wouldn't be happily married to begin with.
Congrats on the soon-to-be arrival of your child! I hope the rest of the process goes smoothly and both wife and child are healthy on the other end.
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Comment on Deciding whether (or not) to have a child in ~life
fuzzy Link ParentWell hey, I appreciate that. Noodling on this, I have a couple of tangential questions. Have you ever wished you weren't born? That your parents hadn't had you? and How do you talk to your...Well hey, I appreciate that.
Noodling on this, I have a couple of tangential questions.
Have you ever wished you weren't born? That your parents hadn't had you?
and
How do you talk to your children about the uncertain world and future?
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Comment on Deciding whether (or not) to have a child in ~life
fuzzy (edited )Link ParentI appreciate you sharing, and as someone who shares a similar outlook (and depression) I have some scattered thoughts. The frank reality is that the consequences of climate change will not hit...I appreciate you sharing, and as someone who shares a similar outlook (and depression) I have some scattered thoughts.
The frank reality is that the consequences of climate change will not hit everywhere evenly, and, well, I'd be able to hand a child access to some of the places most habitable. I don't know if that's 'enough,' of course - that dovetails into my last thought below.
This is a whoooooole other conversation, but while a lot of consequences are baked in, we could potentially stall or avoid many others with geoengineering (an open letter from scientists, an article about it).
(I generally believe that emissions will plateau and decrease this century due to improving green technology + shrinking populations, but it obviously isn't happening nearly quick enough).
I do feel some pull to do my part to raise the next generation - whether biological or adopted - to be better stewards of the environment and one another. I worry that only the climate deniers and religious wingnuts are having kids, and that I'm perpetuating our burgeoning idiocracy.
But underneath all of this is a fundamental philosophical question: what makes life worth living? Can someone be faced with circumstances worse than ours and still find their life worthwhile and fulfilling? After all, people have faced far worse circumstances and yet found meaning and purpose. Viktor Frankl wrote a whole book about it. I don't have an answer to these questions ... but I do see how they're really the 'main' issue that the above thoughts are all dancing around.
I appreciate you sharing your thoughts. I know it isn't easy. Depression sucks.
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Deciding whether (or not) to have a child
My partner and I have long been on the fence about whether or not to have a child. Now we're approaching middle age, it feels like it's a 'now or never' decision point, and ... well, I'm still...
My partner and I have long been on the fence about whether or not to have a child. Now we're approaching middle age, it feels like it's a 'now or never' decision point, and ... well, I'm still torn.
On the one hand, I see the state the world is in. I'm keenly aware of the latest climate projections and what they mean (I also know enough to know how much we can still improve things if we decide to). I'm afraid of escalating instability and societal strife. What if I can't get my medications? I don't know how I'd go on even without a child in the picture. I still struggle to accept the world as it is, which is quite a bit bleaker than it was portrayed to me growing up. I spent years of my life wishing I was not born. How could I bring a child into that circumstance?
On the other hand, I'm really, really good with kids (and teenagers!) and find relationships with them really rewarding. I love spending time with my nieces, nephews, and friends' kids, and it leaves me wishing I could also shape a human with the values and priorities that are most important to me - stewardship, patience, music. I don't want the religious wingnuts to be the only ones shaping the next generation! My partner and I have a lot of privileges and would be able to offer a lot to a child, from quality education, to a fantastic extended family, to multiple powerful citizenships / passports. Hell, our parents would even move in to help us out with childcare for at least the first few years. You can't ask for much more than that.
Obviously this is a big question, and it's one my partner and I are talking about extensively. I'm also going to return to counseling soon to piece through things.
I'm certain that others on Tildes have also navigated this question. Do any of my thoughts resonate with you? What did you decide and why? Are you happy with your choice?
And has anyone adopted? Adoption is the dark horse here. Once upon a time that was my preferred route, but now that I've spent a lot more time reading about the risks and realities I've cooled on it a bit. I am certain I can deal with many challenges of raising a child, but not stuff like oppositional defiance or connection disorders, which occur at ~2x the rate in adopted children, many of whom have trauma. They deserve love too, but unfortunately I have limits due to my own mental health troubles. And all of that is to say nothing of the often sketchy or uncomfortable legal and societal circumstances of adoption.
I deeply appreciate any and all thoughts and experiences you take the time to share.
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Comment on The hall of shame: the worst AI-generated flyers in ~design
fuzzy Link ParentThe Arby's ones are satire: https://mm.vern.cc/memes/rod-wave-arbys-takeover (and they're also hilarious!)The Arby's ones are satire:
https://mm.vern.cc/memes/rod-wave-arbys-takeover(and they're also hilarious!)
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Comment on Steam Summer Sale 2026: Hidden gems in ~games
fuzzy LinkI am here to tell you about the Buried Treasure that is ROBODUNK https://store.steampowered.com/app/1557720/RoboDunk/ It's a arcade basketball roguelike (!) with co-op play (!!) and bizarrely deep...I am here to tell you about the Buried Treasure that is
ROBODUNK
https://store.steampowered.com/app/1557720/RoboDunk/
It's a arcade basketball roguelike (!) with co-op play (!!) and bizarrely deep and hilarious lore (!!!) that is super fun and was clearly made with a ton of love.
DUNK IS LIFE
It baffles me that this game didn't catch on anywhere. It's far more polished and stylish than I expected given its total lack of presence and solo developer. I've co-oped it with two different friends now and both of them loved it.
If you're someone who misses arcade sports games you have to check it out. You can dunk from space. SPACE! It rocks.
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Comment on "The therapeutic industry is platonic prostitution" in ~health.mental
fuzzy Link ParentI appreciate your thoughtful response here - but also, not to worry. I didn't (and don't) feel attacked at all. I didn't take your post personally in any way, I just wanted to share a counterpoint...I appreciate your thoughtful response here - but also, not to worry. I didn't (and don't) feel attacked at all. I didn't take your post personally in any way, I just wanted to share a counterpoint to (my read of) your comment.
In times like these one wishes there was a better way to express tone and intent via text on the internet. I'm guessing there is a lot of overlap in the ire we feel the institutional elements you're referring to.
Be well and I hope you have a great weekend - or as great as is reasonably possible, given the world as it is.
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Comment on "The therapeutic industry is platonic prostitution" in ~health.mental
fuzzy (edited )Link ParentI hear you. There are a lot of threads worth pulling at in this response, and I won't be able to get to all of them. But I hear a lot of anguish and pain coming through your response, and I want...- Exemplary
I hear you.
There are a lot of threads worth pulling at in this response, and I won't be able to get to all of them. But I hear a lot of anguish and pain coming through your response, and I want you to know I recognize it and in no way intend to belittle it.
In my response I didn't intend to discount or criticize your original post or condescend. I apologize that it functioned that way; clearly that is my error. I read the whole of your post and found it very well written and interesting. Thank you for typing it up and contributing it, it's given me a lot to chew on.
I have a lot of feelings about it, but none of them - seriously ZERO - are that you or your writing are not good enough. In your jumping to that I feel that I'm seeing a window into some of your personal anguish. You are good enough, and this post was well written. I think I speak for more than just myself in declaring that that is not in question here and you are not being personally judged in that nature. I am not intending to victim blame, criticize your English (you seem like a native speaker to me), or doubt the effort that has gone into your engagement.
Among the contents of the post, like with any longform written material, there are things that resonate with me and things I disagree with. I 100% agree with your disdain for an atomized, individualistic, and altogether 'separated' culture; on the other hand I agree with others that you're romanticizing a past that never existed in the sense that you long for it (I also do this all the time...). Your difficulties with finding a therapist, compressing what you need into appointments that were too short and too expensive, and finding the bond to be lacking really resonates with a lot of the therapy experiences I've had. On the other hand I've also had a couple of therapists in the past 20 years who did care, who did find a way to form a bond across the personal/professional divide, and ultimately changed my life in a way that no friend or family member could have. One of them I largely credit with saving me from suicide.
As I read the whole piece, through the parts that resonated with me and the parts that didn't, I did pick up on, as I referred to, a common thread of viewing ones own personal views and experiences as the one 'real' or 'true' appraisal of society / existence, as opposed to the folks who are trapped in their atomized life where they pay for platonic prostitution or whatnot. I didn't initially respond because some of the other responses already covered it much better than I could have, but in seeing this additional response that doubled down on that element I felt compelled to chime in.
I freely admit that's due to my own sensitivities of having my mental health struggles minimized. I spent years and years of my life in and out of psychiatric hospitals, on dozens of meds, with a whole cast of therapists, wanting to kill myself off and on the whole time. I'm surprised (and glad) that I never did. It left a lot of scars. One of them is a sensitivity to presumptions about what I've been through.
I'm sure that was not their intention, but it felt, to me, that the implication of that post was that anyone who didn't agree fully with your (and their) perspective are simply not 'trapped by the externalities' of our 'toxic system,' and are, ‘as usual,’ making excuses for the 'therapeutic complex.' That's a ton of charged terms, loaded with presumptions, that hit squarely on my sensitivity. That's a me issue. Like you I am a human being with emotions and sensitivities.
This gets to another thing that strikes me about your response here, though - I hear you taking all of the other folks' thoughts and feedback very, very personally. I disagreed with wervenyt's response and thus wrote up my own but I don't feel that they attacked me, hate me, or that it's personal in any way like that. Yet it's clear here from what you've written that you're really hurting, on a very personal level, from some of the responses you've received.
First of all, I apologize I have caused hurt and anguish. It is certainly not my intention.
Second, can you help me understand how I, and others, can respond to what you write, including disagreeing with some of your viewpoints, without making it personal or making you feel like you're not good enough?
To reiterate again: you are good enough, I'm glad you wrote this up and shared it with us, and I hope you stay with us in the Tildes community. Also your English is better than many native speakers!
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Comment on "The therapeutic industry is platonic prostitution" in ~health.mental
fuzzy Link ParentI find this response even more oddly presumptuous than the original post. There's a common thread of treating personal experience as a universal truth. Others have had different experiences; that...I find this response even more oddly presumptuous than the original post. There's a common thread of treating personal experience as a universal truth. Others have had different experiences; that doesn't mean they don't struggle, don't feel trapped, or don't 'get it.'
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Comment on Midweek Movie Free Talk in ~movies
fuzzy Link ParentI appreciate the warning! Though it also sounds good and interesting enough that maybe someday I'll roll the dice and give it a watch...I appreciate the warning! Though it also sounds good and interesting enough that maybe someday I'll roll the dice and give it a watch...
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Comment on Has anyone else seen a LOT of dead birds on the side of the road this year? in ~enviro
fuzzy LinkI have not noticed any increased amount of dead birds, no.I have not noticed any increased amount of dead birds, no.
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Comment on People who want less AI are breaking up with Google Search in ~tech
fuzzy Link ParentDuckDuckGo has a dedicated No AI search: https://noai.DuckDuckGo.com I’ve set it as the default search engine on all of my devices & browsers.DuckDuckGo has a dedicated No AI search:
I’ve set it as the default search engine on all of my devices & browsers.
Could you pass along a source where I could learn more about this?