Just FYI: there is a monthly recurring mental health thread: https://tildes.net/~talk/15mg/hi_how_are_you_mental_health_support_and_discussion_thread_june_2023 Also, feel free to bump it if it’s...
We're not doing so hot over here. Every day is a new headline about the passage of new anti-trans law or a call for violence from a prominent figure on the right, and it is almost impossible to...
We're not doing so hot over here. Every day is a new headline about the passage of new anti-trans law or a call for violence from a prominent figure on the right, and it is almost impossible to maintain a sense of optimism, or to look for the best in people, in these conditions. It's bad enough that I don't really like myself; why does the world have to constantly validate my low self-esteem?
I’m sorry to hear that. I do think things will change for the better though, over time. Support for the LGBTQ community has risen dramatically in the past decade or so. A lot of people have...
I’m sorry to hear that.
I do think things will change for the better though, over time. Support for the LGBTQ community has risen dramatically in the past decade or so. A lot of people have changed their mind to support gay marriage (even the president), and I think support for transgender people will rise in the same manner.
People are afraid of what they don’t understand — either because they don’t have firsthand experience or, at the very least, education on any given subject. I can only imagine how much it must...
People are afraid of what they don’t understand — either because they don’t have firsthand experience or, at the very least, education on any given subject. I can only imagine how much it must suck to feel targeted for just trying to be yourself.
It’s easy for me to say as an ally, but just try to keep your chin up. There will (sadly) always be closed-minded bigots, but there are also (happily) people who support your ability to do as you please.
Terrible, no income, no job prospects, and no future. I'm severely disabled and can only work a few hours a day, but because I have no experience I can't land a job. Computer Science graduate. I...
Terrible, no income, no job prospects, and no future. I'm severely disabled and can only work a few hours a day, but because I have no experience I can't land a job. Computer Science graduate. I have a few sites but no other projects because I simply am dead mentally, I have almost 0 spontaneous thoughts and the severe anhedonia prevents me from cultivating any sort of meaningful interest whatsoever.
I was in deep despair after I had graduated and couldn't find work. Now, I don't even feel it, rather it's become integrated with my sense of self.
That sucks. Wishing you the best. I was in the "need experience" but "entry level job requires 3 years experience" bullshit years ago. It still make my blood boil thinking about it. I made it out...
That sucks. Wishing you the best.
I was in the "need experience" but "entry level job requires 3 years experience" bullshit years ago. It still make my blood boil thinking about it.
There are local and remote companies that hire people with physical and/or mental disabilities—mild to severe. I encourage you to look for something that will accommodate you if you haven't...
There are local and remote companies that hire people with physical and/or mental disabilities—mild to severe. I encourage you to look for something that will accommodate you if you haven't already. You can also look into ways to get passive income, though it may take more initial effort.
I have looked for remote jobs that accommodate people with disabilities but nothing has yielded anything. It feels like I'm playing the lottery, the odds of someone even looking at my resume is...
I have looked for remote jobs that accommodate people with disabilities but nothing has yielded anything. It feels like I'm playing the lottery, the odds of someone even looking at my resume is low to non-existent.
Passive income sounds like a good idea, but I don't know where to start or what to do for that matter.
Thanks, but my anhedonia has not gotten better in the 12+ years since it started.
Despite your anhedonia, maybe you could explore what you're good at or used to enjoy, then look up relevant articles about passive income options for that, or YouTube videos (if YouTube's even...
Despite your anhedonia, maybe you could explore what you're good at or used to enjoy, then look up relevant articles about passive income options for that, or YouTube videos (if YouTube's even good at providing gold results anymore).
If you don't feel like you're good at anything or care enough to think about what you used to enjoy, look into dropshipping or starting a basic Amazon store.
Lionbridge is the last resort I'd recommend. I know of a few people who manage to get a Rater job and made about $1-2k per month a few years ago. It could be different now, but that helped them make decent side money while they had a main FT job.
As long as I takemy anti psychotics I'm fine, I'm also on 3 antidepressants, but dont think I really need them , I take the welbutrine because it was the speediest thing my doctor would prescribe...
As long as I takemy anti psychotics I'm fine, I'm also on 3 antidepressants, but dont think I really need them
, I take the welbutrine because it was the speediest thing my doctor would prescribe me, I was trying to get adderal
I take miratzipine to fall asleep and drowse off
I take Zoloft because my doctor thinks im depressed, but I'm not, I just have 0 motivation to do anything
I think that's one of the scariest things about anti-depressants to me. How much they can make you feel like you don't need them. There are times I feel the same as you: "I don't really feel...
I think that's one of the scariest things about anti-depressants to me. How much they can make you feel like you don't need them. There are times I feel the same as you: "I don't really feel particularly happy. I don't have any more motivation to do things. Are these drugs really working?"
But then I remember how shitty I felt before I started taking them regularly. I think about how I feel after I miss a dose or two, the pounding and claustrophobic feelings in my head, like there's a vise closing around me. The absolute emotional instability, like the slightest thing going wrong could completely break me. The doomscrolling and endless, mindnumbing YouTube holes I would fall into, just to squeeze every iota of dopamine possible into my neuroreceptors. The days or weeks of not showering because it was too much effort, not doing the dishes because the pile in the sink was too overwhelming, not eating because I couldn't build up the energy to go to the store and didn't have money for take-out. I think about all those things and I remember why I stay on my meds.
I still have times when I feel like I did back then, but the difference is that now those times are only temporary. I have a better support system now, I've learned strategies that can help me keep my feelings under control. Things are looking up. I feel happy more often than depressed now, even if it's not all the time.
Sorry, I know this probably isn't too relevant to you if you don't have depression. But I think it is important to stay on your medications, even if you feel like you don't need them.
Regardless, thanks for sharing. And for allowing me to work through some of my thoughts, too. I hope the sun shines on you and you have a great day, Gopher :)
Oof... Not great. I've decided I'm almost certainly autistic and while that's a huge relief to finally understand, it's undermining my sense of identity. How much of me is me versus some attempt...
Oof... Not great.
I've decided I'm almost certainly autistic and while that's a huge relief to finally understand, it's undermining my sense of identity. How much of me is me versus some attempt to mask and fit in?
But, I'm also making some progress on basic things like being able to name my emotions, and have those names be more than just "angry" or "nothing". So, that's good!
Trying to avoid news, and social media, has helped, but it's a long road ahead.
I did recently, like in the past 2 weeks, find the reddit autism community, which has been wonderful. I'm hoping to find somewhere else with that community.
My mother-in-law lives with us. She is 78 years old. Our houses are independent but closely connected. In the past 2 months, her depression (or so we thought) got worse and worse. She barely...
My mother-in-law lives with us. She is 78 years old. Our houses are independent but closely connected. In the past 2 months, her depression (or so we thought) got worse and worse. She barely communicated and had trouble moving. Large raised rashes appeared on her skin in several places. It was diagnosed as bullous pemphigoid, an autoimmune disease. Exceedingly hard and complex to treat. Because of it, she had to wean off her anticonvulsant. A week ago, she got progressively lethargic and hard to reach, as if she was in another world, and stopped moving almost entirely, her body tilted to the left at all times. Had problems swallowing too, it was difficult to get her to take medications. My impression is that she was having trouble activating the muscles of her tongue, mouth, and throat. We got her adult diapers, and the whole operation was, well, not pretty. As you can imagine.
When I talked to her, she had trouble recognizing my presence, and her eyes wandered. She acquired involuntary movements -- her left hand was in constant motion, often trembling. Also her left foot. I was confident she was now a neurology case, not a psychiatric one. One doctor suggested it could have been linked to a urinary infection -- complete nonsense. Many said it could be related to depression. Shit, I'm bipolar, this was not fucking depression. And I've seen both my grandparents through several stages of brain issues. For a decade. I fucking knew. But when every doctor hears the word "depression", the reasoning process stops there. I don't think they know what depression looks like -- just descriptions from a book.
Yesterday she had a prolonged seizure. Her caretaker didn't know what to do, I knew less than her. I did what I learned decades ago in some pamphlet, which I now know is not the current recommendation: I tried very hard to keep her mouth open and held her tongue the whole time. If she had all her teeth I could have lost a finger. She must have bitten into her own mouth in multiple places because there were lots of blood. The ambulance sure took its time, but the diazepam injection ended it very quickly.
She is now stable, in the ICU. She got an MRI (or something like that, I can't really translate) and apparently, there is nothing visibly wrong with her brain. A full recovery is possible. She'll get another one in 24 hours. My pregnant wife (her daughter) cried multiple times. Seeing her mother intubated was quite a shock. In times like this, it's good that I'm schizoid because I experience little emotion when things are actually happening, so I can be the rock for my very emotional partner.
I read psalms from the Bible to her the day before the seizure.
I love my mother-in-law. She may die. I can feel the emotion trying to surface, but I don't want it. It's not time. Not yet.
I completely broke down sobbing in the kitchen because the plate I wanted to use wasn't clean. It made me realize how much I have to do around the house on top of errands, and we're short staffed...
I completely broke down sobbing in the kitchen because the plate I wanted to use wasn't clean. It made me realize how much I have to do around the house on top of errands, and we're short staffed at work in the middle of busy season so we're interviewing which makes us more short staffed and I'm just really uncomfortable in my body right now. I'm so overwhelmed.
A friend said he'd come over a couple times next week to help me with dishes and laundry. No one has ever offered to help before. I'm so thankful and so embarrassed.
Crying about it again hasn't made it easier, but I feel a little lighter. Maybe tomorrow I'll have the bandwidth to figure out some plans and steps. Hopefully.
Depends on the day, really. ADHD medication has a national shortage (US), so it's hit or miss if I'll get a refill. Taking and then not taking medication is like an emotional roller coaster by...
Depends on the day, really.
ADHD medication has a national shortage (US), so it's hit or miss if I'll get a refill. Taking and then not taking medication is like an emotional roller coaster by itself.
I seem to overly absorb feelings around me and don't know how to process them - in the past year, my brother has thrown away everything he had going for himself and brought himself to (almost) homelessness - and I didn't want to enable the poor decision making that brought himself there, which in turn made me feel even worse about everything.
Also, my SO has developed a chronic unknown condition that had him hospitalized twice, and we are left with no answer, no diagnosis and no direction with symptoms still coming and going - there's so much fear that there's nothing I can do to help him. The initial hospitalization happened after I brought him there after hearing a thunk and finding that he had fallen in the tub (& his hit eye on the faucet). I find myself scared every time I hear a loud noise now, or if he's uncomfortable, or if he stops snoring for a hot second at night that I'll find him dead.
My mom (who I have recently come to the realization that she is a narcissist) has been away from our home state crashing on people's couches (she's homeless) until people get tired of her shit and kick her out has come back to our home state. I have mostly cut her out of my life because of the damage and pain I feel when she's around. I only talk to her via social media or text - she didn't know where I even lived until the internet caught on via public records - and then she started mailing me random junk (almost to prove a point). Anyway, she's here in the state now, she knows I will not see her unless it's an arranged meeting (lunch, a hike, etc). A few years ago she showed up at my workplace (different place) with stuff to pretend that was the reason she came - 45 minutes away from where she was staying. This week she did the same thing - she traveled an hour to show up at my workplace (different workplace). She sent me a message asking if I was there, gave me six minutes to respond before she was already in the building asking multiple coworkers where I was.
Although she did nothing technically speaking, the whole ordeal has ripped open something I thought was tucked away - it has had me questioning reality even, and facing emotions and feelings I don't even have words for. Logically I understand it - but I don't understand how or why it's absolutely breaking me.
Other days I'm just happy to have a drink and a cheeseburger.
Just FYI: there is a monthly recurring mental health thread: https://tildes.net/~talk/15mg/hi_how_are_you_mental_health_support_and_discussion_thread_june_2023
Also, feel free to bump it if it’s been a few weeks.
ty
We're not doing so hot over here. Every day is a new headline about the passage of new anti-trans law or a call for violence from a prominent figure on the right, and it is almost impossible to maintain a sense of optimism, or to look for the best in people, in these conditions. It's bad enough that I don't really like myself; why does the world have to constantly validate my low self-esteem?
I’m sorry to hear that.
I do think things will change for the better though, over time. Support for the LGBTQ community has risen dramatically in the past decade or so. A lot of people have changed their mind to support gay marriage (even the president), and I think support for transgender people will rise in the same manner.
Keep fighting the good fight.
People are afraid of what they don’t understand — either because they don’t have firsthand experience or, at the very least, education on any given subject. I can only imagine how much it must suck to feel targeted for just trying to be yourself.
It’s easy for me to say as an ally, but just try to keep your chin up. There will (sadly) always be closed-minded bigots, but there are also (happily) people who support your ability to do as you please.
Terrible, no income, no job prospects, and no future. I'm severely disabled and can only work a few hours a day, but because I have no experience I can't land a job. Computer Science graduate. I have a few sites but no other projects because I simply am dead mentally, I have almost 0 spontaneous thoughts and the severe anhedonia prevents me from cultivating any sort of meaningful interest whatsoever.
I was in deep despair after I had graduated and couldn't find work. Now, I don't even feel it, rather it's become integrated with my sense of self.
That sucks. Wishing you the best.
I was in the "need experience" but "entry level job requires 3 years experience" bullshit years ago. It still make my blood boil thinking about it.
I made it out though. I bet you can too.
Thanks, but it's been more than 4 years since I've graduated and I've essentially given up at this point.
There are local and remote companies that hire people with physical and/or mental disabilities—mild to severe. I encourage you to look for something that will accommodate you if you haven't already. You can also look into ways to get passive income, though it may take more initial effort.
I hope you can overcome your anhedonia.
I have looked for remote jobs that accommodate people with disabilities but nothing has yielded anything. It feels like I'm playing the lottery, the odds of someone even looking at my resume is low to non-existent.
Passive income sounds like a good idea, but I don't know where to start or what to do for that matter.
Thanks, but my anhedonia has not gotten better in the 12+ years since it started.
Despite your anhedonia, maybe you could explore what you're good at or used to enjoy, then look up relevant articles about passive income options for that, or YouTube videos (if YouTube's even good at providing gold results anymore).
If you don't feel like you're good at anything or care enough to think about what you used to enjoy, look into dropshipping or starting a basic Amazon store.
Lionbridge is the last resort I'd recommend. I know of a few people who manage to get a Rater job and made about $1-2k per month a few years ago. It could be different now, but that helped them make decent side money while they had a main FT job.
As long as I takemy anti psychotics I'm fine, I'm also on 3 antidepressants, but dont think I really need them
, I take the welbutrine because it was the speediest thing my doctor would prescribe me, I was trying to get adderal
I take miratzipine to fall asleep and drowse off
I take Zoloft because my doctor thinks im depressed, but I'm not, I just have 0 motivation to do anything
Hey fellow welbutrine user here! It's helped a ton with some anger issues but man you forget it for a day...or two... And boy do you feel like shit
I think that's one of the scariest things about anti-depressants to me. How much they can make you feel like you don't need them. There are times I feel the same as you: "I don't really feel particularly happy. I don't have any more motivation to do things. Are these drugs really working?"
But then I remember how shitty I felt before I started taking them regularly. I think about how I feel after I miss a dose or two, the pounding and claustrophobic feelings in my head, like there's a vise closing around me. The absolute emotional instability, like the slightest thing going wrong could completely break me. The doomscrolling and endless, mindnumbing YouTube holes I would fall into, just to squeeze every iota of dopamine possible into my neuroreceptors. The days or weeks of not showering because it was too much effort, not doing the dishes because the pile in the sink was too overwhelming, not eating because I couldn't build up the energy to go to the store and didn't have money for take-out. I think about all those things and I remember why I stay on my meds.
I still have times when I feel like I did back then, but the difference is that now those times are only temporary. I have a better support system now, I've learned strategies that can help me keep my feelings under control. Things are looking up. I feel happy more often than depressed now, even if it's not all the time.
Sorry, I know this probably isn't too relevant to you if you don't have depression. But I think it is important to stay on your medications, even if you feel like you don't need them.
Regardless, thanks for sharing. And for allowing me to work through some of my thoughts, too. I hope the sun shines on you and you have a great day, Gopher :)
Oof... Not great.
I've decided I'm almost certainly autistic and while that's a huge relief to finally understand, it's undermining my sense of identity. How much of me is me versus some attempt to mask and fit in?
But, I'm also making some progress on basic things like being able to name my emotions, and have those names be more than just "angry" or "nothing". So, that's good!
Trying to avoid news, and social media, has helped, but it's a long road ahead.
I did recently, like in the past 2 weeks, find the reddit autism community, which has been wonderful. I'm hoping to find somewhere else with that community.
My mother-in-law lives with us. She is 78 years old. Our houses are independent but closely connected. In the past 2 months, her depression (or so we thought) got worse and worse. She barely communicated and had trouble moving. Large raised rashes appeared on her skin in several places. It was diagnosed as bullous pemphigoid, an autoimmune disease. Exceedingly hard and complex to treat. Because of it, she had to wean off her anticonvulsant. A week ago, she got progressively lethargic and hard to reach, as if she was in another world, and stopped moving almost entirely, her body tilted to the left at all times. Had problems swallowing too, it was difficult to get her to take medications. My impression is that she was having trouble activating the muscles of her tongue, mouth, and throat. We got her adult diapers, and the whole operation was, well, not pretty. As you can imagine.
When I talked to her, she had trouble recognizing my presence, and her eyes wandered. She acquired involuntary movements -- her left hand was in constant motion, often trembling. Also her left foot. I was confident she was now a neurology case, not a psychiatric one. One doctor suggested it could have been linked to a urinary infection -- complete nonsense. Many said it could be related to depression. Shit, I'm bipolar, this was not fucking depression. And I've seen both my grandparents through several stages of brain issues. For a decade. I fucking knew. But when every doctor hears the word "depression", the reasoning process stops there. I don't think they know what depression looks like -- just descriptions from a book.
Yesterday she had a prolonged seizure. Her caretaker didn't know what to do, I knew less than her. I did what I learned decades ago in some pamphlet, which I now know is not the current recommendation: I tried very hard to keep her mouth open and held her tongue the whole time. If she had all her teeth I could have lost a finger. She must have bitten into her own mouth in multiple places because there were lots of blood. The ambulance sure took its time, but the diazepam injection ended it very quickly.
She is now stable, in the ICU. She got an MRI (or something like that, I can't really translate) and apparently, there is nothing visibly wrong with her brain. A full recovery is possible. She'll get another one in 24 hours. My pregnant wife (her daughter) cried multiple times. Seeing her mother intubated was quite a shock. In times like this, it's good that I'm schizoid because I experience little emotion when things are actually happening, so I can be the rock for my very emotional partner.
I read psalms from the Bible to her the day before the seizure.
I love my mother-in-law. She may die. I can feel the emotion trying to surface, but I don't want it. It's not time. Not yet.
I completely broke down sobbing in the kitchen because the plate I wanted to use wasn't clean. It made me realize how much I have to do around the house on top of errands, and we're short staffed at work in the middle of busy season so we're interviewing which makes us more short staffed and I'm just really uncomfortable in my body right now. I'm so overwhelmed.
A friend said he'd come over a couple times next week to help me with dishes and laundry. No one has ever offered to help before. I'm so thankful and so embarrassed.
Crying about it again hasn't made it easier, but I feel a little lighter. Maybe tomorrow I'll have the bandwidth to figure out some plans and steps. Hopefully.
Depends on the day, really.
ADHD medication has a national shortage (US), so it's hit or miss if I'll get a refill. Taking and then not taking medication is like an emotional roller coaster by itself.
I seem to overly absorb feelings around me and don't know how to process them - in the past year, my brother has thrown away everything he had going for himself and brought himself to (almost) homelessness - and I didn't want to enable the poor decision making that brought himself there, which in turn made me feel even worse about everything.
Also, my SO has developed a chronic unknown condition that had him hospitalized twice, and we are left with no answer, no diagnosis and no direction with symptoms still coming and going - there's so much fear that there's nothing I can do to help him. The initial hospitalization happened after I brought him there after hearing a thunk and finding that he had fallen in the tub (& his hit eye on the faucet). I find myself scared every time I hear a loud noise now, or if he's uncomfortable, or if he stops snoring for a hot second at night that I'll find him dead.
My mom (who I have recently come to the realization that she is a narcissist) has been away from our home state crashing on people's couches (she's homeless) until people get tired of her shit and kick her out has come back to our home state. I have mostly cut her out of my life because of the damage and pain I feel when she's around. I only talk to her via social media or text - she didn't know where I even lived until the internet caught on via public records - and then she started mailing me random junk (almost to prove a point). Anyway, she's here in the state now, she knows I will not see her unless it's an arranged meeting (lunch, a hike, etc). A few years ago she showed up at my workplace (different place) with stuff to pretend that was the reason she came - 45 minutes away from where she was staying. This week she did the same thing - she traveled an hour to show up at my workplace (different workplace). She sent me a message asking if I was there, gave me six minutes to respond before she was already in the building asking multiple coworkers where I was.
Although she did nothing technically speaking, the whole ordeal has ripped open something I thought was tucked away - it has had me questioning reality even, and facing emotions and feelings I don't even have words for. Logically I understand it - but I don't understand how or why it's absolutely breaking me.
Other days I'm just happy to have a drink and a cheeseburger.
Good job, good relationship but damn I've felt terrible lately.
Better than my physical. lol thanks for asking.