Strategies to manage ADHD
I figured I would help kick off this new subgroup by starting a discussion on how people with ADHD try to manage it.
I had a late diagnosis a couple years ago as an adult, and I have been working with a counselor to develop some behavioral techniques (in addition to medication). Not all of them stick, which in my experiences is the primary challenge of this disorder, but I've had good results when I do use them.
Primarily, I have a calendar where I put reminders and plan things out. If I have parts of a project I need to get done, I lay those out and assign them to certain days of the week. Working in academia, I live my life a semester at a time and this helps me reevaluate certain goals and it feels reasonable to me to plan out a few months at a time.
One thing I struggle with when it comes to planning is coming up with accurate estimates of how much time it might take to spend something. This was always a big obstacle in my way when it came to planning things out before - I wanted to know the exact time on how long it took to do something so that my schedule would be perfect. My counselor suggested that I come up with an initial estimate of how long something should take based off my intuition, and then double it (e.g. if I think a task should take 30 minutes, plot it out for 60 minutes of my day). This has been great for me because usually it's a win-win. Often, my initial assessment is underestimating how long something takes, so by accounting for slippage in time I can better chunk out my day. On the other hand, if I do get it done sooner I can pat myself on the back and I now have extra time in the day to get other things done.
I wanna find better ways of trying to stay on track with habits. I've tried some different apps and none are working too well. Recently I picked up Sunsama which has helped in terms of reviewing the day and looking at subtasks, but as I've gotten busy with experiments I've kind of lost track of that. What are some things that you do to accommodate the way your brains works?
I was also a late-diagnosed adult; I was 32 when I finally realized what was going on and saw a psychiatrist. I feel that medicine/stimulants have been the biggest boon to being productive and defeating the executive dysfunction. I tried a couple of therapists that seemed to specialize in ADHD, but don't think I really gained anything from the experience. I was hoping to build some skillsets that would let me not be as useless unmedicated, but I'm not sure I saw tangible benefit. It did help me understand some issues with other aspects of my life, though, and that was helpful overall.
A big help is having a supportive partner that understands your limitations. That is to say, I don't expect her to pick up my slack or not get annoyed when there are issues with my executive dysfunction, but it is fairly necessary (in my opinion only) for them to understand that it is not a personal thing. I'm not forgetting to do something because I don't care about you or your wishes, it's because I have this thing going on with my brain that I absolutely hate. It is also nice that my wife does try to assist me as much as possible with reminders and gently correcting my estimates of how long it will take to complete a task - but this is not something I'd expect of anyone. I am just lucky in that regard.
As far as tools, I've tried all sorts of productivity software. I did feel like something "clicked" when I stumbled upon Sunsama, but the pricing was far too much and it had way too many features I'd never use. In looking for similar alternatives, I stumbled upon Ellie Planner, a side project of a single indie dev that is basically like a pared-down version of Sunsama. It's reasonably priced, and the dev seems like a neat guy (and is very responsive to feedback and bug reports). I have no affiliation with the company, other than I subscribe to the premium offering.
I was using Standard Notes for knowledge management, but started converting everything over to Obsidian because I was growing concerned about my notes being locked in an encrypted database versus plain markdown files in directories. I have found that documenting literally everything is incredibly beneficial. For work, I have a notebook I carry around everywhere to take physical notes.
That's about it for tools. I've tried a lot - fall in love with something as one does with ADHD, and then promptly forget about it after a week or two. These are the only items that have had significant staying power so far.
Good luck with your journey!
Appreciate the heads-up on Sunsama & Ellie Planner! I've tried Motion in the past but frankly found it frustrating and annoying so stopped using it. It didn't even cross my mind to to look for an alternative beyond the usual tasks apps.
As the Ellie Planner guy said in his review about Motion it's great for people whose work day revolves around meetings, which may explain why I never found it working for me.
Ellie looks great but no Android app is pretty much a deal breaker, so going to have to be Sunsama for me.
I would love to give Ellie a shot, but unfortunately no Android app is a deal breaker :(
I have a question to other people with ADHD.
I've officially been diagnosed this year. I have no idea why it didn't occur to me that I had it until a few people who know me well kept telling me "well, duh, of course you do" and I talked to a psychiatrist about it.
My brain always liked rapid change and significant stimulation. Always on overdrive. I moved every 1-2 years for most of my life, I never held the same job more than a couple of years, learn everything I can get my hands on…
I used to say I can "get passionate" about anything, but in the context of ADHD, it's more that I can "hyper-focus" on anything for a while and then drop it like a sack of potatoes once I'm satisfied.
I love weed (indica strains; the psychoactive ones I absolutely hate) because it's the only thing that can get my brain to slow down. Though I don't take it often because it's rare for me to want to slow down.
So anyway, everyone I've ever heard talk about ADHD tells me how medication helps. In the mean time, I'm looking at my life and I keep thinking that whatever it is I have, it's what's boosted my career to where it is today. Sure, I dropped out and could never follow a normal school job, could never hold an office job, never did a certification, didn't even get a driver's license. But I just accepted early on that these things were out of my reach, and I adapted instead of "trying harder". And now… that's where I'm at.
So I guess I feel … kinda guilty? Guilt that I feel like "ADHD is good for me" when for most people it's debilitating. I've since met others who feel similarly to me… but it almost feels like I don't want to call it that, even after the diagnosis, because for me it's not a "condition", it's just how I am, and it's thanks to my brain that I'm in a great spot in life today.
Edit: Right, so the question is: Does this sound right to anyone? Am I full of shit?
I'm so successful at interviewing that I've never been rejected for any type of job, volunteer or extracurricular position in my life.
I contribute that 110% to my ADHD, and the fact that it allows me to be SO genuinely excited for whatever I'm getting myself into. And I keep that enthusiasm, for a while - quite a while even usually.
So no, you don't sound like you're full of shit, it sounds very recognisable :)
Having said that, whilst I thrive in chaos and urgency and multitasking, I did eventually hit a wall. Long term projects, like a thesis for example, caused such a blockage in my brain it would send me into a comatose-panic. Aka, I'd be so overwhelmed with what I needed to do that I would do nothing instead and just feel physically ill the whole time whilst avoiding the thing.
That's what my medication and diagnosis fixed. I have not changed in any other way, except that I'm happier now because I finally got rid of that fucking wall. I had barely written 2 pages of my masters thesis, then I got diagnosed and medicated and I wrote the whole fucking thing in 3 weeks. Graduated, got into a (in my field) prestigious job (Ty interviewing skills) and am thriving.
So, if you're on the fence about meds, have you considered that all the meds might do is just remove the barriers in your brain... And that's it? Because that's all it did for me.
Well... That and I'm insanely multi-orgasmic when on the meds so really 10/10 all around
Oh and p.s., I finally got my drivers licence last April, at age 29 :) would have never, ever thought I would be able to do that. I wouldn't even let myself get driving lessons even before my diagnosis, as if I innately knew I would not be able to successfully drive as I was.
Now, I aced it first time round and had a little cry of relief and pride afterwards, not gonna lie hah
I paid to get the driving lessons and got so utterly bored 10% of the way through I gave up and never looked back.
Oh well… at least I only paid a small portion.
God damnit, this sounds exactly like me to the tee, the interview and thesis included. Although managed to overcome the writing with a VERY encouraging and healthily pushy instructor who noticed something was going on. I'm switching jobs soon, and hoping I can stay excited long enough for it to work out.
I think I'm just so hesitant to ask for a diagnose since some part of me feels like it would be like trying to find a cop-out, taking the blame out of myself with something external. The fact you see so many people self-diagnosing and trying to explain all their behaviour with ADHD doesn't help. I think even myself is cringing at the thought thinking I could have it. I know that's not healthy thinking, but it's just hard to avoid :/. I got some therapy appointments through work, but I feel like I just unloaded a bunch of stuff without it really helping.
Oh my god. I remember that Thesis feeling. Couldn't even bare to type a single sentence. It's ultimately how i failed my Master's program. I did well in my classes, attended all years required. Even defended my thesis orally. Just could not bring myself to finish the paper. Unfortunately i didn't learn i had ADHD until some years later. But yeah that thesis sucked big time. I can handle a whole bunch of classes, but the maintained focus on one thing was impossible.
It's exactly how I failed my masters the first time too - same exact experience, down to the oral defense... Just couldn't finish writing it.. got to 70% done before essentially having a breakdown.
Dusted myself off and tried again with a different masters a year later, and was going down the same route of horrors until I got my diagnosis roughly 2 months into the new master's thesis - and thank god I did.
I read* a book about ADHD called Your Brain's Not Broken which introduced me to the term divergent thinking - thinking non-linearly, about many different possibilities for something. apparently people with ADHD tend more towards divergent thinking (as opposed to convergent thinking which is more linear/directed).
having that term has really helped me, because I've also experienced a lot of anxiety in my life related to "what if X happens" type scenarios. as I've gotten better about managing and dealing with that anxiety, I was lacking a name for the "what if" thinking that wasn't accompanied by anxiety - it was just my brain considering a bunch of possibilities.
meanwhile, the job I specialize in within the tech industry was originally called quality assurance or QA (when I started my career), and more recently has been rebranded to SRE (Site/System Reliability Engineering).
QA/SRE is made for people who do a lot of divergent thinking. not just "make the computer widget do X" but "what if doing X fails? what if it fails halfway through and leaves the widget in a broken state? what about doing Y, which can fail in some of the same ways that X can?" and so on. this has become a very in-demand specialty with the rise of "the cloud" and all the new and interesting ways that software running in the cloud can fail (compared to old-school desktop apps, for example)
so I know exactly what you mean. ADHD (undiagnosed and unmedicated until a few months ago) has been debilitating to my life in some ways, but also hugely beneficial in other ways, including making me really good at the career path I've chosen.
* I didn't finish it
You're not full of shit! The main reason that ADHD flags as a disorder is because it is often a problem in our current society. There's an interesting book that's the "hunter in a farmer's world" paradigm that suggests ADHD could in fact be adaptive in certain environments. I don't know that the science has continued to support that, but it's a helpful paradigm. My ADHD makes me really great at my job. I'm activated by crisis, and I'm a crisis responder on campus. My ability to pivot from student to student is fantastic.
I'm also shit at my paperwork and I'm not making a ton of money.
ADHD is a neurotype. Regardless of whether it's a disorder (for some or for many in some ways but not all) or a diagnosis (function of our medical/insurance system), it's the particular shape of the window our brain uses to interact with the world. (Idk about that metaphor, but I tried). It's probably why I'm using parenthetical phrases so much.
I don't think that's weird at all. I believe I actually excel in my career field because of my ADHD, and it's a very fulfulling job that I enjoy a lot. The main strife I have faced has been within relationships, especially now that we have kids. It sucks a lot to not meet your partner's expectations and for them to become very frustrated at you over something you don't have a whole lot of control over.
I do occasionally have this thought in the back of my head, wondering what I could have accomplished if I were medicated earlier in my life, or if I didn't have ADHD altogether... I've been pretty successful so far, so would I have been even more successful without this disability? I may have had zero issues completing college and been more competitive in my field, leading to an even more enjoyable job.
But ultimately, I am happy with where I wound up in life. I am fortunate that I met my wife and that we have wonderful children. I can't actually imagine life without them, and I'm absolutely fine with this being where I landed as a result of ADHD guiding my life.
I like to think of all neurodivergencies clusters as a spectrum - some people have ADHD and they learned strategies to help them best utilize how their brain works. For others it can be a real struggle trying to get through a list of tasks. Particularly I think it can cause problems when you have a lot of stress in your life and you have things that you just can't drop to move onto the next thing. In my experience, I wasn't having much trouble with ADHD until I got into grad school - I found I could excel when I had a lot of structure set up for me. On top of that, I have this commitment that I just don't want to walk away from until I've finished it. I definitely think that the executive dysfunction can provide certain benefits, especially when it comes to creative thinking - I have come up with unique solutions to things and my memory overall is great for minutiae details.
All that to say, I don't think you should feel guilty. It's been a few years since I got my psychology degree, but one of the main components for thinking of something as a disorder is that it causes distress. If you are liking the way your brain operates and where it's taken you, then that's great. I think my dad has undiagnosed ADHD but has used in a way that lets him devour books and use that knowledge to teach others. I'm kind of following in his footsteps because I feel like teaching is one of the few careers where I both do well at it and the nature of the work changes enough from each semester that it keeps me engaged.
Totally understand it cos I'm sorta similar. I don't think I'd be where I am without my ADHD! However in saying that medication has been really helpful for my work as the best way to describe it is like being in super focus mode but ALL DAY. I felt like it kinda enhances the overall adhd but the good aspects of it?? 🤔 Not sure if you've ever worn glasses but that's kinda like what the meds felt like to me!! 😅 But that's just me! I still need to learn how to manage my finances soo much better it's sooo bad!! 😭😭 I'm generally just trying to be a bit more self aware about stuff but still gets tricky!
It has its pros and cons, many of which I feel like you outlined. When I learned I had it and started medication, the biggest benefit for me was how it helped with my anxiety. Even with medication, I still have attention issues. It does help me “hyper focus” more consistently on what I’m doing and for longer, but the biggest benefit is I am distracted less by future what-ifs and more and able to focus more on the present. Sometimes I focus on things I shouldn’t be focused on (I can end up hyper-procrastinating sometimes), but at least I’m not hyper-fixated on future possible (mostly unlikely) negative events.
I have, at times, felt similarly to you about your ADHD with regards to my anxiety. While I had some very stressful periods in my life related to, e.g., academic pressure in undergrad, it gave me the drive I needed to get the work done I needed to get done. Fear is a powerful motivator. These days, medication and therapy have helped me manage my anxiety much better and I probably enjoy life more on a daily basis. I have had times, though, where I wish I was more stressed so I could force myself to power through some tasks like I used to do. Instead, I get stuck in a middle ground where I’m anxious enough that I wish I was more on top of things but not anxious enough to be on top of things.
You shouldn't feel guilty about making your brain work for you. It's a blessing lots of others don't get.
I know the feelings you talk about, I don't experience them often because I'm not ADD-H, but ADD-PI, but a lot of the same things apply.
As for cannabis. I use a THC pen sometimes. For me it feels like it takes the sharp edge off of all my external senses. Makes them easier to parse.
I also got diagnosed late in life (36) and what I have found to work the best has been lists, but for me it has to be smaller lists usually set up to be completed each day and at max one week. I usually use post-it notes that I have on my monitor but I have started to use sticky notes that are built into windows that are on my pc desktop for task that I need to work on first.
As for time management, at the start of a task I will write down how long I think it will take and once I complete the task I will write down how long it actually took. It has allowed me to collect lots of data and now I've become very good at estimating my time.
I also want to let you know that even with these tools I fail at remembering and missing appointments so don't beat yourself up if you have a bad day or week. We all have tough days and if you get down it makes using tools that work harder to use.
Best of luck and please share what works as I always love learning new things.
Do you actually read the sticky notes after writing them? When I've done it, I wind up with a stack of 100 inscrutable bullet point lists all over my desk from the last 2 years that I plan on looking at later.
The Kanban strategy has worked a lot better for me than just having a huge to-do list. Basically, items go into one of three categories or stacks: to-do, in-progress, and done.
The to-do is just all the things you need to do eventually. The in-progress should be very strictly limited to a few things you're actively working on, as close to one as possible since true effective multitasking is rare. After you're done with your current task, move the note to the 'done' section and select the next to-do list item to focus on.
One variation on this strategy that I do is have the to-do list on my phone and write my active task(s) on my whiteboard. Having a long to-do list or bunch of sticky notes visible on my desk is a massive productivity killer since I get distracted easily.
At work I do this with MS Planner. At the beginning of the week, I drag over the items I want to complete that day from the 'not started' to the 'in progress' column. As I finish the items I drag them to the 'completed' column. As the week goes on I might add or remove things from the 'in progress' section, but I want to end the week with that column empty. Anything unfinished goes back to the 'not started' column at the end of the day on Friday.
I guess I'm the weird one, I was one of the first kids in the early 80's who got the ADD with hyperactivity label. So, I've been playing the game for almost 40 years now.
Everything before now was terrible, pay attention to none of it (I do have some lithium and xanax stories . . . but damn it was rough). My #1 thing, is my phone, which is also all over the house so all I have to do is shout "Hey Google, set a reminder for ****** at : pm on (insert date), and push to calendar". I talk to my phone constantly (it replaced sticky notes, I was a sticky note person and had them everywhere). But if you can be mindful enough to shout at your phone whenever something comes up (the trick is to go into settings and set the alerts to actually go off 15 minutes before the thing).
I also have a little notebook and a big fancy watch (chronograph) that lets me time and write down how long tasks take, this helps me tremendously across the board for all things (like I know, for me, putting together, a form, mixing, and pouring concrete will take me about 2 hours per yard, or sheetrock I can expect that a 10x10 room will take me 3 and a half hours to do the whole room, then 4 hours to sand said room, and then 1 hour to paint said room . . . I track timers on everything, I also know that a SPARC server reimage on my hardware will take less than the 3 minutes advertised).
My big suggestion is therapy, find someone (I know it's hard, I actually had to use my psychiatrist to refer me to a new therapist 2 years ago when my last one retired) who specializes in ADHD . . . we are all kinds of special and fun. But the methods I use, while they might seem chaotic, have been distilled through therapy to be the ones that work for me, and that's the important part, figuring out what works for you . . . and also, we have all these people who have advanced degrees to help us get there . . . so use them.
I set alarms for everything and o try to keep my life very scheduled. The downside to this is anxiety and straying into OCD territory over it, probably due to the whole hyper focus thing. I panic these days when things go unplanned or the house gets a little too messy.
It’s always coping for me, I’ve never moved beyond it like magic or anything but I can recognize it all very easily now and then try to confront it as I reach middle age. Better than living like an unorganized slob who just played video games all day and being late for everything. Better but not great.
Trying to be cognizant of exact timeframes for everything has been huge in trying to get better at managing time. Every little thing, again, alarms help.
Actually the most frustrating thing for me as an adult now is trying to concentrate on specific leisure activities. I find it all too easy now to slump on the couch and zone out to TV and Reddit for hours instead of having “productive” fun. So tired and burnt out the idea of reading a good book or playing a new single player game just seem too daunting.
Anyone have tips for that? Once I’m reading or playing a game I’m having fun so it’s not like they’re not interesting for me anymore, but getting myself to do it is hard. Y’all know.
Still ramble ranting online though…
I have the same issue with feeling like I can’t do anything mentally active during my free time since I have to spend so much of my time making sure I’m mentally ready for my responsibilities.
I recently spoke with my (relatively new) therapist about this and she suggested guided meditation before trying to do a relaxing activity. Ideally it takes some ironic pressure and weight off the activity to be YOUR PRESSURE RELEASE VALVE in capital letters so you can sort out the stress feelings and enjoy it more. I haven't had much of a chance to try specific guided sessions she recommended, but it has been helpful just taking a quick moment to breathe and clear my thoughts before playing a game or w/e.
I feel you; I've felt some need to be left alone when doing things my whole life, and I developed a night owl lifestyle in response where I'd only relax when everyone in the house was asleep or I otherwise had perfect privacy. I'd stay up until like 6 if I was deep into a game, book, visual novel, show, etc worst case. In fact, I was up at 1:30 reading some Signalis fanfiction for no reason on a work night... When my wife's water broke and it turned out trying to anchor my life around doing things late and uninterrupted became COMPLETELY untenable. :^) whoopsie. So I'm kinda reeling, but you've gotta struggle to be proactive sometimes.
Also rambling online when I told myself I could be watching Bocchi instead of scrolling while my kid contact naps after night feedings. But at least I thought of it this time, y'know? Small steps.
I use a crontab that runs scripts to remind of of things. Some of the scripts use the twilio api, so I can text myself or call myself from the past. Twilio is pretty inexpensive, and their documentation and support for popular languages is top notch.
Alternatively, you could use followupthen; their premium service does sms. I don't think they do calls though.
This sounds interesting, I will have to look into it. I know a little bit of coding, is this something I would struggle with a lot at first? I know with my ADHD I can struggle with motivation hurdles.
There are a few hurtles you'd have to overcome: editing the crontab in the commandline, configuring it to be able to access your script, writing your script, and making your script executable. The hardest part is probably writing the script, and it's not too hard -- I might post my code on github later.
I was diagnosed in 1996 at age 6, so I’ve known I have ADHD for almost my entire life. I have so many thoughts on living and coping with ADHD that I frankly don’t have the energy to list out right now, but you did specifically mention time blindness and estimation for how long things take as something you struggle with.
This is going to sound like I’m a shill, but I promise I’m not. I’ve been using the app Brili for about a year and a half, and it has seriously changed my life. As you know, forming routines does not happen easily for us (or ever in many circumstances). I’ve struggled with getting places on time for my entire life. Brili has made it so much easier since I can write out my routines and then go through them with the app in real time. It takes away so much of the mental load that used to be dedicated to remembering to do everything I need to do in the mornings.
I have a strong suspicion that I have ADHD but ofc I can't tell as long as I haven't got to a therapist first. The planning and time double technique sounds really good. I had trouble before with it that I planned something for a certain time then ended up being too invested in it and the assigned time was just not enough. Which just really resulted in my plan getting thrown off lol
Part of the planning and time doubling also involves tracking how much time tasks take you, that way you can get a better idea for planning on the future. I have found that I am getting better at making estimates, but if I am not aware of how much time has passed due to time blindness it can make it hard.
I have found this too tbh. I have started using stoppers to correctly assest how much time an activity takes. For example an activity that takes 11 minutes would be estimated as 15-20 mins for me. I have found it helpful.