15 votes

Why brainwashing yourself keeps you stuck in life

22 comments

  1. [8]
    teaearlgraycold
    (edited )
    Link
    Am I correct to think most Tildes users are on the low end of this phenomenon (Edit: in the context of misery)? I might open up Instagram once in a while because a friend uses it to message me. I...

    Am I correct to think most Tildes users are on the low end of this phenomenon (Edit: in the context of misery)? I might open up Instagram once in a while because a friend uses it to message me. I opened up TikTok two times to see what all the fuss was about and found it boring. I use YouTube mostly for science education videos. I use Twitch for thoughtful slow paced narratives in open world games. Because I’m way too into programming, a measurable percentage of my time online is spent reading code on GitHub.

    I spend a lot of time on the internet, but it doesn’t feel like it’s making me miserable. It feels like it’s making me smarter.

    20 votes
    1. [7]
      krellor
      Link Parent
      I don't know. I suppose it depends on which aspect of the video. I've had a number of conversations on here where folks seem to either have a strong external locus of control, or talk about...

      I don't know. I suppose it depends on which aspect of the video. I've had a number of conversations on here where folks seem to either have a strong external locus of control, or talk about avoiding quality news sources because they find them triggering (referring to where the video talks about the importance of being exposed to a variety of things), and I've seen a number of threads of people wanting features to block individuals so they don't see their posts or comments because they disagree, even though the parts of comments don't violate rules.

      I might see these things more than others because I enjoy discussing issues with people who disagree with my views, and that probably puts me in more charged discussions than many Tilde users. But it definitely feels like there are some folks who fit the mold of what the video talks about, re: being anxious, uncomfortable, triggered and having a relatively homogenous news/web diet. Which seems miserable to me.

      11 votes
      1. [2]
        teaearlgraycold
        Link Parent
        On the other hand, if something is really bothering you I think you need to first find comfort and then reintroduce it in amounts you control to tolerate it. No one needs to be perfect either. If...

        On the other hand, if something is really bothering you I think you need to first find comfort and then reintroduce it in amounts you control to tolerate it.

        No one needs to be perfect either. If homogeneous online content for you means homogeneously healthy and supportive to mental health then you’re good. But the TikTok video at the start shows homogeneity that supports a toxic mindset - snap decisions with little information.

        6 votes
        1. krellor
          Link Parent
          So, keeping in mind that this is the mental health topic, yes: if something is causing actual harm then it needs to be metered. But I generally disagree that having to live your life in a curated...

          So, keeping in mind that this is the mental health topic, yes: if something is causing actual harm then it needs to be metered.

          But I generally disagree that having to live your life in a curated content bubble is healthy. I'm not talking about limiting negative news sometimes, etc, which can be overwhelming to everyone from time time, or not engaging with truly ugly views and the people who use hateful language.

          But if you can't tolerate nuance within an otherwise shared position, that doesn't seem healthy. And yet, more and more, I see people shrink back from that exposure or seek out tools or places that don't expose them to those things. Which doesn't seem healthy on the long term or a desirable end state for ones mental resilience.

          Edit: also, I didn't really get the point of the first TikTok video, other than the algorithm is serving up self validating content.

          7 votes
      2. [4]
        Akir
        Link Parent
        I hate to say this, but I might agree with you. I've talked a lot here on tildes how I want to be more involved with the community around me, but I am stopped by anxiety. And I wonder how much of...

        I hate to say this, but I might agree with you.

        I've talked a lot here on tildes how I want to be more involved with the community around me, but I am stopped by anxiety. And I wonder how much of it is true, and how much of it is that I actually don't like talking to people anymore because of how many things I've become sensitive to.

        Last week I was at Walmart and I had an older lady talk to me after she had noticed me waiting at the crafts section for someone to come out and cut me a length of cloth (who never came). She was very nice to me, and I was very nice to her, but I still came out of that conversation with a sour taste in my mouth. Part of it might have been social anxiety, but I wonder how much was just because I didn't like the flavor of how she complained about how bad service for buying fabric is everywhere, and how things used to be better. A mildly conservative bent that shouldn't really bother anyone. I wouldn't have been bothered by that same conversation if it were online.

        But the thing is that I think it's always been like this for me. I spent a lot more time online than people my age did at the time because I had a terrible social life as a child, where I was constantly bullied for years. I think the last time I felt no reservations about starting a conversation with a stranger was when I was in 3rd grade. It's something that has always kind of made me fragile as a person. It seems like a lot of people are fragile this way now, but I don't think that I saw that as much when I was a kid.

        3 votes
        1. [3]
          krellor
          Link Parent
          I remember I was giving a panel presentation years ago about professional and leadership development. One of the themes of our answers was about the importance of getting in the trenches of this...
          • Exemplary

          I remember I was giving a panel presentation years ago about professional and leadership development. One of the themes of our answers was about the importance of getting in the trenches of this particular industry, getting out in the field, and meeting the people living the mission on the ground. Think nonprofit.

          One young man asked something about struggling with anxiety, or putting yourself out there like that. Initially the other panel members gave a bit of a non-committal answer about keeping trying, but also, if doing that isn't for you that is ok.

          I finished the panel response by telling this young man that I wasn't comfortable being up on stage right now. I explained that I struggled with being mildly autistic and things like making eye contact were painful, even as I was making eye contact with him and with the room throughout my talk. I told him about my first time speaking in court as a child advocate, and throwing up in the bathroom from anxiety before going out and doing my best. And that most of the great things I've done in life happened after I made myself really uncomfortable and experienced at least some regret or imposter syndrome.

          So I told him, whatever anxiety you have, you can get through it with practice, with patience, and with perspective. You may never be comfortable speaking to a crowd, I'm not, and you may never elect to do so because that might not be on your path to your goals. But you can accomplish your goals, even and especially if you are uncomfortable at times.

          I've often reflected on the responses I had after that conference. It seemed to help a lot of people, so I share the story from time to time.

          I really do think that social interaction and conversation is like a muscle, including our ability to be tolerant to different perspectives. They get tired, but can be exercised and built up. And you don't need to flex your muscles all the time, but they're nice to have when you need them. I used to be terrified of talking to people as well. I was just dumb enough or stubborn enough to keep putting myself in situations where I had to. It still isn't my happy place. I'm still an introvert. Social situations still are a (small) net drain on my energy reserves. But I can, and I can enjoy it even.

          For what it's worth, it's never too late to practice and pick up the knack for "single serving friendships" like when you talk with someone on the plane or at the pub. I also was bullied as a kid because I hadn't learned to manage my autistic behaviors or compulsive anxieties. So don't pigeon hole yourself!

          Take care!

          Edit: one last thing. With the lady and the customer service comment, I've learned to take those as educational opportunities. What I would typically say is something like "of yeah, but they're doing their best, businesses keep things so understaffed anymore" to deflect it away from the people. I've occasionally ended up in interesting conversations where I felt that I might have opened someone's eyes a bit. Who knows!

          28 votes
          1. updawg
            Link Parent
            Thank you for sharing this. While I think all of our mental health awareness is great, I believe this is the message that has gotten lost. It's okay to be uncomfortable. It's even good to be...

            Thank you for sharing this. While I think all of our mental health awareness is great, I believe this is the message that has gotten lost. It's okay to be uncomfortable. It's even good to be uncomfortable. Just like how our muscles can't grow without being sore, we can't grow without discomfort from time to time. So many people spend all their time trying to hide from their problems and they never grow beyond them.

            12 votes
          2. EsteeBestee
            Link Parent
            I really love this comment. Up until my mid 20's, I was a pretty closed off person, I let anxiety and depression prevent me from experiencing life, etc. I had a turning point at 25 where I came...

            I really love this comment. Up until my mid 20's, I was a pretty closed off person, I let anxiety and depression prevent me from experiencing life, etc. I had a turning point at 25 where I came out and started to bloom as a person and be more honest with myself in all aspects. This cascaded into a wonderful effect where it genuinely felt like I was reborn, considering how different I am now to how I was just 8 years ago. I still have some anxiety and bouts of depression, but facing my fears and being myself led me to having a much more fulfilling life now than I ever did, even if I'm still uncomfortable sometimes. I used to freeze up as a kid when giving presentations to just one classroom, but since I opened up and started being okay with being sometimes uncomfortable, I've performed on stage for thousands of people and nobody would ever know from watching me that I still suffer from anxiety, depression, imposter syndrome, and other mental health issues. I think a ton of people with mental health issues (especially terminally online ones) don't realize just how many performers, athletes, public figures, or just regular people suffer from the same issues, but who learned over time to be comfortable with being uncomfortable.

            And I know the level of anxiety people experience can vary, but I do truly believe, as you said, one of the ways to help manage it can definitely be to start wading into uncomfortable waters and, over time, growing to be more okay with being uncomfortable. It can lead to being more comfortable with yourself as a person, even if you're still not 100% comfortable doing certain activities.

            7 votes
  2. [4]
    daywalker
    (edited )
    Link
    Even though it seems an interesting promise, I haven't watched the video at first because I thought the title sounded very clickbaity. After a day I decided to give it a try and was met with the...

    Even though it seems an interesting promise, I haven't watched the video at first because I thought the title sounded very clickbaity. After a day I decided to give it a try and was met with the awful thumbnail. Then I remembered where I know this guy from.

    He's a pseudoscientific hack that blends sound psychological advice with quack stuff. Here is an episode about him from Decoding the Gurus Podcast, where an academic psychologist and an antropologist examine modern day gurus.

    I'm not interested in watching and criticizing this particular video, as I don't believe I would enjoy it, but I thought others should be aware of his quackery.

    19 votes
    1. [2]
      Raspcoffee
      Link Parent
      Welp, should've known - especially with the things others have pointed out too. I do agree with the content of the video(although I agree on the clikbaity thumbnail and title), but that doesn't...

      Welp, should've known - especially with the things others have pointed out too. I do agree with the content of the video(although I agree on the clikbaity thumbnail and title), but that doesn't make it less dangerous to have improper advice mixed in his other content. <_<;

      I'll leave the thread up as I do think the video and the discussion here is still useful but that's a lesson learned on my end.

      3 votes
      1. daywalker
        Link Parent
        Yeah, I think it's cool as long as one learns from the experience. Kudos to you for doing that :)

        Yeah, I think it's cool as long as one learns from the experience. Kudos to you for doing that :)

        4 votes
    2. V17
      Link Parent
      I'm not going to listen a 3+ hour podcast (and that's just the first part), but if the overview is accurate, they seem to focus on things outside of the scope of most of his self help videos. I...

      I'm not going to listen a 3+ hour podcast (and that's just the first part), but if the overview is accurate, they seem to focus on things outside of the scope of most of his self help videos. I have no problem with that, I also dislike when people push not sufficiently proven or even likely disproven alternative medicine.

      But that seems to be a relatively small part of his online content and calling him a "pseudoscientific hack" based on that would be throwing the baby out with the bathwater. His self help advice for people who struggle with spending too much time playing videogames, scrolling social media, struggling to find focus in life and other issues connected to todays lifestyle, is usually very good and personally I know I would have appreciated it very much if it was available to me 15 years ago instead of having to discover a lot of it slowly myself.

      Much (I'd say majority, but I've only seen a relatively small cross section of his content) of his advice is connected to learning to see your mind as a tool that you can learn to use better in various ways, realize that it sometimes tells you bullshit, does not function as well as it could because of things that you do etc. Essentially experience gained through meditation practice applied to modern life. That in general is an incredibly valuable skill that is not taught enough in most western cultures, and imo the question is just whether he does it well enough, taking in account that he has to do it in ways that are digestible to his target audience.

      2 votes
  3. Eric_the_Cerise
    Link
    I'm already a fan of the idea of, "hacking" the placebo effect -- effectively, intentionally brainwashing yourself to become healthier, happier, more productive ... kind of like a more targeted...

    I'm already a fan of the idea of, "hacking" the placebo effect -- effectively, intentionally brainwashing yourself to become healthier, happier, more productive ... kind of like a more targeted version of the old "fake it till you make it" advice.

    I'm still watching, but this feels like it is closely tangentially related to this ... the idea that we are always unintentionally brainwashing ourselves anyway, so think about how to do it in a more constructive manner.

    10 votes
  4. Raspcoffee
    (edited )
    Link
    Lots of thoughts about this, but more than anything - I didn't expect my own thoughts about social media potentially even underestimating it. Personally, I think we really need to think about a...

    Lots of thoughts about this, but more than anything - I didn't expect my own thoughts about social media potentially even underestimating it.

    Personally, I think we really need to think about a new concept of hygiene that involves mental and digital aspect, and how it affects us all. We really need to take care of ourselves better in a way that wasn't necessary before.

    7 votes
  5. [8]
    arch
    Link
    I definitely need to spend more time with the research he presents, perhaps even reading it a bit myself to try to understand where he is coming from. But at my first, admittedly skimming, pass of...

    I definitely need to spend more time with the research he presents, perhaps even reading it a bit myself to try to understand where he is coming from. But at my first, admittedly skimming, pass of this, I am confused at his conclusion of spending more time engaging with the other side as a panacea for the algorithm. My confusion stems from these very algorithms utilizing counter arguments as a form of rage bait to induce engagement from users. If you spend any amount of time with the comment section on YouTube or Instagram you are going to see a large number of comments that are going counter to the opinion of the original thing you engaged with. In my experience this doesn't make me feel better. It is designed to get users to engage, to argue with the poster, and often makes us feel even shittier. I know he says "try to understand the other sides viewpoint" but the research he is presenting is stating on the very fact that we can't do that in the first place, isn't it? It's almost like he is saying these papers say we can't understand others because of the algorithm, so we should understand other people better as a cure. My brain is giving it "draw the rest of the owl" vibes.

    I'm probably misunderstanding his conclusion in some way, so some concrete examples would be appreciated. I'm guessing it is some middle ground between watching an hour of FOX news for every hour on TikTok, and reading dissenting comments for every video you watch. Or, hopefully, it is something else entirely.

    7 votes
    1. [6]
      Akir
      Link Parent
      Personally I am disinclined to believe him simply because he markets himself as a guru. But beyond that the few moments I had to watch the video before I had to leave had him citing some papers...

      Personally I am disinclined to believe him simply because he markets himself as a guru. But beyond that the few moments I had to watch the video before I had to leave had him citing some papers that didn’t leave me feeling convinced of his thesis. I mean, one was a test on rats.

      I’m generally disinclined to believe people on the internet who cite academic papers because most people don’t have the ability to fully understand what the paper actually means. There’s a lot of context that they aren’t typically aware of, and any given paper does not necessarily represent our collective understanding of the topic they cover. It’s also harder to check the veracity of their arguements because there are few layers of vetting done on that information, and most people are not equipped to do that themselves. I include myself in that group.

      10 votes
      1. [5]
        arch
        Link Parent
        Ah, I get that. I'm a little less troubled on that because I'm familiar with him from other videos. He discusses his background meditating in a monastery during his studies for his degree. But it...

        Ah, I get that. I'm a little less troubled on that because I'm familiar with him from other videos. He discusses his background meditating in a monastery during his studies for his degree. But it does come off as kind of cringe.

        He is a licensed and practicing Psychiatrist, and he is experienced as a yoga instructor and in meditation (not that those two are worth anything in this context other than explaining why he probably calls himself a guru so you can dismiss it). He is definitely more qualified than I am to interpret those studies, even though I'm not yet sold on his conclusion. Nor do I follow the path to them yet. But again, I'm willing to spend more time engaging with the idea based on my knowledge of him and history with his videos.

        7 votes
        1. [4]
          DrEvergreen
          Link Parent
          An important point there, then, is that he is a psychiatrist. That means he is a normal general physician, "a doctor", that has taken further education in medicines that affect the brain -...

          An important point there, then, is that he is a psychiatrist.
          That means he is a normal general physician, "a doctor", that has taken further education in medicines that affect the brain - simplified but essentially that's it. How to diagnose and medically treat psyciatric illnessess.

          A psychologist is specialised in the human condition, emotions and functioning, and how to diagnose and treat with therapy.

          He is speaking on topics he isn't entirely educated in, in essence.

          1. sparksbet
            Link Parent
            This absolutely is something you don't know and does not accurately reflect the training many if not most psychiatrists have. While lots of psychiatrists limit their practice to prescribing...

            He is speaking on topics he isn't entirely educated in, in essence.

            This absolutely is something you don't know and does not accurately reflect the training many if not most psychiatrists have. While lots of psychiatrists limit their practice to prescribing medication (because the income to time spent per patient ratio is way better there), there are absolutely swaths of them who are trained to do talk therapy and other psychological interventions in the exact same programs as psychologists.

            6 votes
          2. V17
            Link Parent
            I don't know about his background specifically, but do note that this is not a hard rule. Firstly psychiatrists are not just being educated in "more serious" illnesses without understanding the...

            I don't know about his background specifically, but do note that this is not a hard rule. Firstly psychiatrists are not just being educated in "more serious" illnesses without understanding the subtleties of the human mind, even though they normally do not have the space to go as deep, and secondly many psychiatrists also do psychotherapy and in that case they generally go through the exact same training as psychologists.

            4 votes
          3. elguero
            Link Parent
            Hard no here. A psychiatrist very much learns psychotherapy and all that in their training. They actually do that in their residence. In short, a psychiatrist can do what a psychologist can do...

            Hard no here. A psychiatrist very much learns psychotherapy and all that in their training. They actually do that in their residence.

            In short, a psychiatrist can do what a psychologist can do therapy will se, plus the medical background.

            4 votes
    2. krellor
      Link Parent
      I don't have the references at my finger or memory tips, but I've read before that engaging with a variety of viewpoints helps you generally be resilient in navigating disagreements. Which makes...

      I don't have the references at my finger or memory tips, but I've read before that engaging with a variety of viewpoints helps you generally be resilient in navigating disagreements. Which makes sense, I think. If you have exercised your mental, emotional, and social muscles so you can talk about serious topics with people who disagree with your position in controlled environments, like moderated forums or classrooms, then you'll be better prepared to navigate those situations in less controlled environments.

      I don't think that means engaging in Internet drama threads, but in environments that offer some rules or structure, like Tildes or classrooms, debate clubs, or with close social peers with respectful relations.

      If you've ever seen one of those threads where people get really heated over very small points of disagreement, even on Tildes, I think you are seeing signs of that restrictive web diet, anxiety, and general inexperience engaging in conversations that challenge perspectives.

      Or I could be misunderstanding the video. 🤷‍♂️

      5 votes