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Trans Day of Visibility
Hey folks,
My apologies but you've rolled a nat 1 on your stealth check (the D&D kind...) as today you have disadvantage.
If you are trans, including all sorts of folks under the broader umbrella, please, if you choose, take this moment to be visible, share something that brings you joy, gender euphoria or just small happinesses.
You are valid and loved even when this world does not feel validating or loving
(˘︶˘).｡*♡
I understand all the reasons folks may not post here or may not see this, but I'll share that I invalidate myself a lot being nonbinary. In many ways this is because I'm more gender apathetic than strongly aligned to a gender. I know I'm not a dude but I am not strongly attached to being a woman, and in part I keep the "she" around because I don't want to have to correct people and I know for others I'm she-shaped rather than sidhe shaped. (Similarly while fae/faer pronouns wouldn't upset me, I don't have the energy for that fight. And it would be, not just IRL and I'm too gender-meh for it.)
I also don't want to take up space from those with gender dysphoria, for whom "passing" can be life saving, and who are targeted by the media and news day to day. But I'm here, I try to be visible and loud in the best ways I can be. And thanks to those who reached out with kind messages the past week or so.
Fuck TERFs and Transphobes and all those who wish us ill.
I just want to clarify you identify as non-binary but still let people gender you as she because it's easier than fighting it?
I am nonbinary, she/they are correct but "she" is something I'm not really attached to. It's not wrong really, and it doesn't actively bother me other than when folks don't ever use "they" and only use "she". (Non-binary folks don't fit into the discrete binary boxes, that doesn't mean we don't sometimes have a foot in them, and I do for now. I know someone who likes he or she but not they and which one depended on the day. Bigender + some fluidity)
Demi-woman seems to mostly describe me, as does Gender non-conforming or gender apathetic. But I "look" more like a woman than not and my name is femme and it's not worth having to insist on anything different. And maybe someday my preference and my energy will both have shifted sufficiently that I'm interested in doing so.
Ya I just wanted to clarify. When I was 25 (2009ish) I told my close friends I didn't identify as a man, but as a human. But I agree with the sentiment that fighting to be seen as not part of the binary is oftentimes more effort than it's worth. Its really sad how constraining language is. I had a convo with a friend recently about her nibbling who has identified as non-binary since they were 8 (they are now 12) and I thought why in the fuck do children even get genders. All children are just children and it's weird as shit to me that we try to tell them what mold to fit in from birth, before they even know themselves.
Gender reveal parties give me the ick. World would be better if all people were just people. Division breeds conflict and language breeds division.
I know it's bad of me but I always roll my eyes a little at "trans day of visibility," since when did I ask for increased visibility? Wake me up when it's "transgender day of reparations from the government" lol.
That said, I mean, I'm doing alright this year. Sometimes I have a day when I spiral but, I haven't been online at all these last several months so I genuinely cannot remember when I last encountered anti-trans hate. Yes, my government is pushing hard for it. Yes, there are a ton of transphobic bots and even real people online. But every human being I've met, even the cis ones, has been sweet and kind and normal about it. Even my goddamn mother has been making apologetic overtures through intermediaries. And I have the support of my new family, the lovely group of other trans women I live with, that just constantly lifts me up.
Anyway Fae I get where you're coming from with the NB thing. I've been thinking lately that maybe my gender is dyke, that "womanhood" is of no real interest to me anymore, just closer to what I am than "manhood." Got years to feel out the details.
It's been ages since I've felt either dysphoric or euphoric, I think. I still do have this kind of distant, unpleasant awareness of my body, my posture, my presentation out in public, but that might be more autism related than gender related. I guess nowadays I'm mostly just me. There's a scene in Disco Elysium where you can tell your partner, "Kim, I've decided to stop obsessing over my sexuality!" And, like, that but unironically is where I'm at.
Ironically I think working in my role supporting students exposes me to how much hateful shit is still out there, in general, not just targeting any one group. Some of that is students will go out of their way to be shitty, where most folks won't stir the pot (though I did have a lady yell "no it's MURDER" while following me in my "Abortion is Healthcare" shirt through Costco...) even if they have opinions. Some of it is also just seeing the reports about some thousands of people. Some of it is seeing the harm parents do regularly. Proportionally it's small but it's never gone from my sight. My secondary trauma is both real and shoved in a box in the corner.
I try to be visible if only so I'm safe for my students, and so whoever comes next will have an easier time with having they/them pronouns or won't have to be the first to raise an issue. It feels like today (yesterday) balances the day of remembrance... Like on one we mourn and on the other we say We're Still Standing.
Idk thanks for being here and I'm glad you've found a wonderful family
Neat coincidence. I just got home from the hospital today after having my vaginaplasty. It feels so surreal to me. I'm excited to pick out a bathing suit for summer and finally feel safe to wear leggings and short shorts and rompers.
I love fashion and have always enjoyed going shopping with my partners to help them pick out clothes. It took me a long time to realize I wanted to wear the clothes I was helping them to pick out. I finally accepted myself as a trans woman at 30, but only decided to transition and come out at 39. Now at 42 I finally feel like I belong in my body. Life is in some ways scarier, but not scarier than the idea of living with regret my entire life.
That year I turned 30 I also met my now wife (bisexual ciswoman). I told her about my desire to have been born a woman when we first met. We got married a few months later and have been married for 12 years now. She has been my rock and I'm so grateful how she has supported me through all of this self actualization.
In some ways I find it weird there is a day for trans visibility, as most trans people just want to blend in and go about their lives. But if I had never learned more and more about what being trans is through social osmosis of the 2010s shift in online dialogue around the subject, I may never have found myself.
Edit:
I'm just going to leave this here as a tool to share with loved ones who have a hard time understanding gender dysphoria.
https://m.youtube.com/shorts/km7Spfk2_T8
oh my god, congratulations on your surgery! Wishing you a speedy recovery.
Thanks <3.
It's actually going really well. I did a zero depth (no vaginal canal, just a vulva and clit) so it's slightly less invasive with fewer risks of complications. I think if I was still single and in my 20s then maybe I would have chosen differently. The idea of having to dilate for the rest of my life is still daunting though.
If there are any confused or scared trans girlies out there feel free to ask Q's.
I just feel blessed that Canadians have access to these kinds of surgeries and that they are still (for now ...) covered by our healthcare.
Congrats on the surgery from me too!
Unsurprisingly, you summed up most of the reasons why I want to do zero-depth too, but I'll have to pay for it by myself anyway.
I'm delighted for you! [I also hope you're not having too much discomfort. Surgery is surgery, and healing is a process. I keep hoping for some techno-wizardry that would make gender affirmation simple and painless.]
Hiii Happy Trans visibility day to all
I hope everyone will be happy and if they want to be perceived they should !!!
To this day I still don't know what I exactly identify as. It feels like it chamges either how I feel depending on how my mood is. And that should be okai. I started the whole journey with only hormones to allign my body / mind to fit what I thought I was. After a year I started to take blockers aswell and now after two years I am mostly very happy with the changes. With my own identity I still don't know after 4 years what I identify as or what I want to be perceived rather. Sometimes I don't wish to be perceived at all because people can be scary.
I am still not sure what pronouns I feel comfortable using. One day I use They / It another I want no pronouns etc.
Which is okai.
I think what kind of made me very happy to align myself with what I see myself with are some body mods: I got fangs and they are very goofy and very silly but i love them so much!!! (very off-topic and not relevant to this thread but they give me so mich euphoria just had to share)
But I just hope everyone is doing well. I hope everyone is safe!
It's a shit and cruel world sometimes. We got this. Everything sucks sometimes but it's okay. It will get better!
Much love to all of you amazing people
luna (a thing)
Honestly this is why ≥90% of the time I'm referring to you, I do so by substituting any pronouns with your username/name/whatnot, so that you're not implicitly perceived as anything but your own self. It's a small and relatively meaningless gesture, sure, but it's something
(P.S.: Love the fangs - they look amazing and they definitely look like they belong to you)
To be honest, I don't have that much to say that I didn't already write in that long essay of mine from some days ago.
It's just really interesting that in many ways I ended up the opposite of what I expected since I started transitioning, slowly and steadily changing but also becoming less fearful / more proud of being me etc. Contrary to my expectations, I've ended up being as binary as it gets, and I've finally found my place within a kind of "very standard" kind of femininity. If you had told me 3 years ago that this is who I'd gradually shift to be, rather than fighting gender norms or being androgynous or some shit, I'd have assumed you were crazy or something. Did I challenge an entire gender binary just to be one of the moms that decorate their entire house with stuff from Target and whose entire shtick is, I don't know, Starbucks® Matcha Frappuccino? Perhaps, and I'm all for it. It's been a very gradual process of what "feels right", "feels euphoric", or "makes me less dysphoric", but this is where I'm at and it feels awesome.
I'm just joyous as fuck to have my super amazing partner and my best friend in my life. Life is good.
I have been going through a shitty week of dysphoria, and I wasn't feeling too keen to be visible yesterday. Buuut, I bought myself pizza for lunch, put a thing up on my blog which got seen by a bunch of nice people, and I threw a halfway decent outfit and makeup together to go out to the theatre last night, and I felt a load better for all of those (well, maybe not the pizza). It was a good reminder that actively practising/observing/choosing femininity feels better than just letting myself languish in jeans and oversized hoodie.
erm may i see the blog mayhaps :3 (it's okai if not just always interesting to see websites and stuff from real people)
Sure! It's nothing overly special, but it's here anyways =]
May I just say you look fucking stunning?
THSISSSSSS OMG
I hope it's OK for a comment from a cis ally here too. I spent some time that day looking for cool new trans artists to add to my list (this year the standout new-to-me artist was Octo Octa, a DJ from New Hampshire whose vibes are immaculate) and sent a few messages to my trans friends. I used to have a silly little tradition of sending them $20 each, but could no longer do so because in the last two years my employment situation has been a trash fire (which is bad) and I have made MANY more trans friends (which is great).
I feel very strongly about my trans allyship. I was raised in an extremely Christian household where it was not safe for me to come out as gay, so I grew up extremely repressed. When I escaped my home I ended up literally joining a gay circus and I met many wonderful queer people, including many trans people, who helped me navigate the entirely new world I had found myself in. They kept my baby queer ass safe with advice and general looking-out, prevented me from getting into too much trouble, and maybe most importantly showed me that it was possible to live authentically and be happy, and be loved, and to have fun, and to define success how I want to define it.
Anyway, trans rights, and trans joy, and trans love, and trans liberation - I'll do what I can to bring all of it about. The world is so much better with trans people in it. Love y'all to pieces.