Solo outings

I think everyone should do it at least a few times in their lives. Preferrably lots of times in smaller ways. But not only hours long events but things like road trips (even if the destination is people), camping, any opportunity to experience your relationship with life without running interference for the needs of others, both real and imagined.

Most of us spend almost all our time with other people because life is generally better that way. But being on your own is another kind of great and it can make you a better version of yourself for the other people. Not to mention it's fun, once you settle into it.

I've known quite a few people that almost never spend time alone, and they're great people so clearly there's nothing wrong with that. But I see it as a bit of a loss too, because there's nothing quite like the experience of being alone for long enough that your perspectives shift in particular ways. I'm not sure it's possible to be any more specific than that, it's different for everyone.

Some people make art from there (Mary Oliver, Thoreau, Van Gogh), or science (Newton, Darwin, Higgs, Einstein, Heisenburg... it might be easier to list scientists who weren't proponents of solitude), or activism (Mandela, Ghandi) or all of the above (John Muir).

Not that I'm saying you'll come up with the grand unified field theory at a Green Day Concert... The point is, solo is great, try not to worry too much about other people's perceptions.

Some of my most enjoyable events and evenings have been when I was attending something entirely by myself. Since the pandemic I've been attending more and more events by myself and I've learned that I tend to meet and strike up more interesting conversations with others when I do (especially trade shows/conferences) and that attending movies tends to be infinitely more entertaining (especially if you go mid-day, and you have the theater almost entirely to yourself).

Concerts can be better with others, but onpy after the awkwardness of getting there and settling in, but once the music starts you can sort of just meld yourself to the experiience in a way that Ive never had when I am with a group.

Soloing things is fun! I'd recommend solo travelling too if you ever get the opportunity :)

I wrote about it a bit a couple of years ago here: https://tildes.net/~travel/185w/ive_solo_travelled_3_4_weeks_in_the_last_twelve_months_thoughts_and_ama

Very underrated. Sometimes I just want to be able to focus on the movie, and not try to answer questions that would be answered if you just watched. Love ya mom, but watch and find out!

I was in a similar boat for a while — I don’t really have anyone in my circles with similar musical taste, and the shows I want to go to are not typically pleasant for people that I could drag along (my partner is a great sport, but going to a loud metal concert on a weeknight?). I felt uncomfortable going to shows and would beg my partner to join me just for emotional support. I just gave up and started going alone instead, and I’ve found that I actually really don’t mind going to shows alone. It’s fun to have a friend join me if someone is interested, but it’s also nice to not have to be concerned with someone else’s comfort/enjoyment/engagement levels. You can stay as long as you want, you can make a flash decision to rush the pit without feeling like you’re leaving someone alone, you can navigate the crowds much easier as an individual, etc..

As others have mentioned, there is a kind of awkward bit at the beginning when people are chatting pre-show, but once the music starts it’s all good. Just show up a few minutes later than usual and it’s no biggie.

It's something I was "afraid" to do for a long time, and while I do have friends to do stuff with, I realized I was missing out on things I wanted to do because of scheduling or their lack of shared interest for some stuff especially concerts. I ended up even going as far as traveling solo, and liked it so much, I have my first trip to Europe solo coming up.

I won't lie it is super awkward doing things alone, especially traditionally group activies like concerts or eating at resturaunts, but you do sort of get over it eventually. I do think it's something everyone should try. At the risk of sounding lame, it does kind of show you who you are. Looking back at my solo trips especially, it makes me proud of myself in a weird way that I was able to do it. Most of the time, when I tell people about doing stuff alone, they mention that they could never do it.

I will say, I think I honestly prefer concerts with other people, but once the music starts, it doesn't really matter if you're with people or not. I usually end up talking with random people anyway (and I am REALLY not an out going person, it just happens.)

quick edit: Enjoy the concert!! Green Day is one of the few bands that still puts on such a good show it ALMOST justifies how absurd concert ticket prices have gotten.

I love it. I love being alone in general, even though I do crave social interaction regularly.

It's a lot different going to things alone, because I feel so much more open to the outside world. When I go to events with friends, I'm in a very closed off bubble. I'm there primarily with my friends, not for the event itself. I mostly talk to my friends, pay attention to them, and not the people around me. As a result, I'm not likely to talk to a stranger, and someone has to be VERY extraverted to break through that informal bubble we've erected and join in with a group of friends that have known each other for 20+ years. It's certainly happened, but it's usually either someone really inebriated, or someone that is off the charts, freak level outgoing, both of whom can cause issues, so you're sort of self selecting for meeting those sorts of people.

When I'm alone though, way more normal people strike up conversations with me, and I'm much more likely to strike up a conversation with them. When I was single, I was far more likely to flirt and get a woman's number when I was alone, because I didn't have my friends breathing down my neck and observing the whole thing.

I generally just felt a lot more outgoing and open to new social interactions by myself versus with friends.

Even truly alone, there's something special there too. I used to wake up really, really early on weekends sometimes, drive to the beach at 4am, walk on the sand completely alone, watch the sunset, then pick up a newspaper and read while drinking a coffee at a beachside diner. They were some of the most special moments of my life, despite not doing much and being totally alone.

In the military, we had land navigation courses, where you were dropped off in the woods alone with a compass and a map and given four hours or so to figure out where you are, and find a number of coordinates given to you. After weeks of having zero privacy, it was so nice to walk through the forests completely alone, enjoying the sounds and interacting with another soul. It was always one of my favorite things to do while I was in.

You miss out on those great, solitary moments if you're constantly surrounded by people. So I highly recommend doing stuff alone regularly. It's great!

I’m something of a loaner so I really don’t quite get why people have an aversion to doing things by themselves.

But on the other hand, I understand why you wouldn’t want to do something without someone else. I wouldn’t want to go to a movie theater by myself because half the fun is cuddling with my husband.

Oh hey I went solo to a Green Day concert once! It was… 1994? At Slim’s in San Francisco. Great show. They fucking rocked and I spent an hour in the pit. I love going out alone. The majority of my adventures are solo.

I’m about to get a week off for the first time in recent memory. With a daughter at a private university I’ve been working like a maniac the last couple years. I’ll be taking the dog and driving up the coast to visit a friend in Portland. I’m looking forward to all the silence.

My current problem is the opposite of yours. I work alone and get weekend hikes alone so solitude is my normal state of affairs, but for any of my wilderness backpacking trips, my family doesn’t want me solo any more (since I fell off a cliff in Germany on a solo walk at midnight but that’s another story). I’ve had medical issues over the years as well and nobody likes my normal M.O. of “getting up to trouble in the middle of nowhere.”

But finding someone who hikes the way I do, at full speed for 6-10 hours per day with no breaks, is a real challenge in your 50s. Younger hikers generally don’t want me around and everyone else my age has slowed way down.

So my solo outings are generally day trips these days. Poor me. If anyone is on the US West Coast and wants to throw themselves at a mountain with me, feel free to reach out!

I absolutely love the sense of freedom I have when operating in the world completely autonomously. Traveling, concerts, movies, going out to lunch/dinner, walking/hiking are all activities I'd encourage someone to try out solo.

You get the baseline benefits of solitude: self-reflection, space to process the world in front of you, complete control of the pace and timing of when things happen. But you also have an opportunity to understand what you appreciate most in those experiences which can benefit your time doing the same with others.

Highlights of solo activities:

• A Regina Spektor concert in Seattle: a wonderful show that has remained special to me my whole life. I saw her again with a girlfriend a couple years later, but it wasn't quite the same.
• Road trip to Moab (to meet up with family): a 6-7 hour drive through mountains and then a desert, that stretch of I-70 between Grand Junction and when you turn south to Arches is special.
• Work trip in UK: I did this last year. I had a blast landing in London and just figuring out the city on my own. Juts picked a direction and walked. I also had to figure out how to get north towards Birmingham on my own which was a fun (quite easy) adventure.