Going to Thanksgiving for the first time ever! What do I need to know?
Being Danish I've never really had any reason to know anything about this holiday - all I know is cursory stuff from movies and whatever one might stumble upon on the internet. Something about pilgrims and eating and/or pardoning birds. But yeah my friend invited me for Thanksgiving because her wife is American and wants to celebrate. But I don't know what I've gotten myself into 😅
There will be other expat Americans as well which makes me a little more nervous, so I'm hoping to learn a thing or two from you all on tildes so please give me any and all advice you can!
I'm looking for general advice about it but I guess I have a couple of specific questions too. They are not very traditional people so it's not going to be formal, and they have called it both Thanksgiving and Friendsgiving - but is there any particular difference between the two? And my other question is what would be a good present for the hostesses - do guests usually give anything particular? Or will the usual flowers/wine kind of thing be okay?
So, in my experience, Friendsgiving:
While Thanksgiving:
Both versions:
Your group is using the names interchangeably because the distinction doesn't really matter. It's technically a Friendsgiving, but as I said that's just a name someone made up for these kinds of situations.
You haven't gotten yourself "into" anything, just a fun time!
The only thing you might want to be prepared for is some people like to go around the table and have everyone say something they are thankful for, so you may want to have an answer in case it comes up if you aren't good at speaking on the fly. It's not a universal thing though, so it may not.
There’s not really a lot of ceremony. It’s just a big dinner party. It’d be nice to contribute some food or drinks but tbh a lot of people don’t.
It’s mostly just a reason for people to cook and drink together. Don’t worry about it much and have a good time with your friends. Flowers and wine are fine (you know your friends better than any of us), just ask if they need you to bring any food if a lot of people are coming.
Wow! Thank you so much everyone for your replies - too many to individually reply to but I am taking notes and this is why I love tildes 😊❤️
I have two words of advice: pumpkin pie.
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This is Very American advice about being prepared for the eating of the meal itself: definitely go hungry because there will probably be a lot of food and a lot of variety. I usually skip the meal before. Start with a small serving of each thing so you can try everything. It's normal to go back for second helpings of things you ready liked. And remember to save room for dessert -- there are usually 2-3 kinds of pie.
Just to be clear, it is not required or expected that you try every dish or every dessert. My advice is more that it's an opportunity to try lots of different dishes and desserts. So if that's your thing, plan accordingly. There is a reason we have the expression "your eyes were bigger than your stomach."
So Thanksgiving is usually just an excuse to get together with family and have a Turkey dinner. If they are keeping it casual then your presence is probably all that matters to them.
Friendsgiving is nothing official and probably just something they are calling it because they are not back in America with other family.
Flowers/Wine would be fine. You could also offer to prepare and bring a dish, especially if they are not too hung up on a "traditional turkey dinner".
Don't over think it. You'll eat lots of food and hang out with people who like you enough to invite you. Enjoy!
When you make your plate for the first time put about 2 bites of everything on your plate or you’ll run out of space. My first plate is usually a sampling plate. My second plate is the greatest hits. This also lends to being able to clean your plate of food which the family cook will feel proud to see.
Compliment the food, compliment any decor.
Some families will play games of the card or board variety, highly suggest jumping into these
There is no difference other than Friendsgiving indicates that it's likely going to be a mix family, friends and acquaintances rather than mostly family.
I would ask the hostesses if there is anything you can bring meal wise, a lot of thanksgiving dinners are potluck, if they haven't told you in advance it probably isn't but I think it's more common to offer to bring a dish/dessert than a present on Thanksgiving. That said you can almost never go wrong bringing a bottle of wine.
As others said, it's not really a big deal, just food and friends/family.
But if you're curious about the origin... it's essentially a harvest celebration that originated with the some of the first european settlers in America after having their asses saved by indigenous people. They were very grateful to have their asses saved and some of them would go on to express those feelings through genocide.
I think people use friendsgiving to refer to a thanksgiving gathering that's centered around local friends rather than around travelling for family.
Everyone else gave good tips, I have one addition : go to the party very hungry. I usually skip breakfast and lunch on Thanksgiving so I have a big appetite for the Turkey dinner.
Only bit of actual advice I have is, if everyone is bringing a dish each, once you're done eating turn your plate upside down in the trash (if it's disposable) or scrape the uneaten food into a more hidden corner of the trash. Us southerners do it because we don't want whoever cooked the food we didn't (usually more like couldn't) eat/finish to feel like their cooking was sub-par.
Ofc it's not necessary to do this, it's just something I and the rest of my family have always done.
Take a small dish of something that is kind of a family recipe for you. Maybe try a recipe that your parents made on holidays and was your favorite.