I'm writing this post in the spirit of the powerful conversations that I had participated in on reddit in /r/adhd. I'm giving up reddit, after this recent fiasco. And, so, I hope to find a similar community here.

And, so, here we go.

I recently quit my job in Big Tech after 7 years in that space. Corporate America, and Big Tech in particular (among other fields) is a human meat grinder. Humans go in and husks come out. After taking a medical leave of absence from work due to complications from anxiety, and multiple medical interventions, I realized that I needed to evaluate whether my job, even my career, was sustainable for me. It only took a few weeks, after returning to work, to accept that, yes, this job and perhaps this career are actively harming me. After talking about it with my wife, at length, I found relief in quitting.

At the core of it: my career has simply been incongruent with my values.

Sure, I've always been a nerd. I was the "brainy" kid. I didn't know how to people well (though I'm told that I'm not on the spectrum or not in any meaningful way). I'd always been overweight and prone to stress. Throughout my life, I was often labeled as the "sensitive" one by people. I rarely felt as though I fit in with any group of people, save perhaps for the other misfits who would band together because they didn't with in with any group of people.

Just before the pandemic began, at the tender age of 47, I was diagnosed with ADHD Combined type. More recently, I was diagnosed with C-PTSD, that I have likely suffered for 40 of my 50 years.

Now I know where that weight comes from: self-medication to give me a dopamine hit and numb me to layers of trauma. I also know where the emotional reactivity comes from: emotional flashbacks resulting from the C-PTSD.

1. Lexapro for well over a decade. It helped to blunt the lows but, I've found, also the highs. I rarely feel poignancy with Lexapro. When I have occasionally been able to ween from it, I have felt a far greater range of emotions.
2. I've had an excellent therapist for going on 8 years who practices ISTDP. He's helped me learn to show up for my more challenging emotions instead of instantly reaching to numb them.
3. Adderall and Vyvanse both used to help until I received a stellate ganglion block (Disclaimer: I have been a client of Dr Mulvaney's practice though I link to it as his explanation is excellent; I'd make this a footnote alas tildes doesn't support that extension for markdown)
4. Ketamine (prescribed) to better address the depression and anxiety. Ketamine, as a psychedelic, combined with the skills learned in therapy has let me dig deeper into my layers of trauma, leading to better overall mental health and better self-understanding.
5. Stellate Ganglion Block mentioned above. Short version: it reduced my seemingly PTSD-driven emotional reactivity to about 10% of what it was prior to the SGB. It's like getting a new nervous system. Unexpected side effect: medications that act on my nervous system now respond differently. As a result, stimulants are now extremely uncomfortable for me whereas before they were effective. Before the SGB, I would say that fear was my primary emotion. Now, I feel things.

I know: I'm privileged. I'm an "old white dude who profited from being in Tech". Yep. True. But I can't retire yet; we don't have that kind of money. We do, however, have enough such that I have the luxury of time to figure out my next steps.

What I have right now is the plan to make a plan. The core of it: live a life congruent with my values--not just at some far off retirement but here, now.

At first, step 1 was to answer this question: "What is the minimum amount of money that I need to earn for us to not massively disrupt our lives?" But then I realized that this is a fear-based question. It means starting out by saying "no" to everything that doesn't earn "enough" money for some arbitrary value of enough.

Where I'm at now, Step 1 Mark II, poses a more inspiring question: "What does retirement look like for my wife and I?" I don't know that we truly get to retire in the sense of living a life of leisure as seemingly many Boomers and earlier were privileged to do. Besides, part of my sense of accomplishment and peace is knowing that I did something to make the world better.

So what do you struggle with?
How are you doing?
What are you doing about it?

Be well.

P.S. This is me trying to do my part, as a new member of this community, to encourage growth not in membership but into different areas of discussion.

After years and years of sitting in front of a computer I have poor hamstring flexibility.

The thing is i've been lifting weights pretty regularly for at least 8 years now and have good numbers on squat, deadlift, bench. I do a lot of romanian deadlifts and kettlebell swings.

But these don't seem to help with sitting at 90º with my legs straight.

I can search for flexibility routine, but the internet these days are full of ad riddled and generic content that I'm having a hard time filtering through the bullshit and finding something that says "do this 3 times per week, progress like this, etc". They just throw some stretches at you and don't say exactly how to progress and what to look for.

It's not like lifting weights that you put more weight on the bar to quantify things easily.

I've lost weight, and regained, and lost, and regained more. Every method, I tried it, succeeding for months until not succeeding anymore and quitting (and regaining). Finally, starting in 2014 at the age of 51, I lost weight and I've kept it off.

In total, I've lost 125 pounds since July 9th of 2014, down from 298 pounds (135 kg) pounds to 171 pounds (78 kg). I'm male, 5'11 (179cm). I had a semi-desk semi-field job during most of this time, working as a jack-of-all-trades "IT guy" for a hospitality company with spas and restaurants and hotels in my region.

Today in The Daily Stoic book, I read from Epictetus, “In this way you must understand how laughable it is to say, ‘Tell me what to do!’ What advice could I possibly give? No, a far better request is, ‘Train my mind to adapt to any circumstance’….In this way, if circumstances take you off script…you won’t be desperate for a new prompting.”

In weight loss, I think it's a given that the most important step is to start. But after that gets going, to stay started and to adapt as you learn more and figure things out. Don't quit, even after caving in to a big eating day or weekend. Shake off the mistake and keep going. Don't quit in a plateau. Don't quit thinking you don't need to diet anymore or that your diet is too weird or untenable or that your body just won't ever lose weight. Instead adapt and continue.

Ultimately, Epictetus is right that this becomes not a diet with weird rules and tight restrictions, but a way to gain the training about how and how much to eat as ourselves. Not following a script but gaining the skills and second nature habits of living a healthy lifestyle. Ultimately, we have to keep off the weight we lose and still be eating the foods we grew up with, the foods our family and friends share, what was and will likely still be our long-term forever diet -- but tuned and tweaked so that we keep off the weight. If we start on keto or IF or cabbage soup, at some point transition to your regular and normal foods and figure those out. Those foods and food situations are in our future, so that's the puzzle we truly need to solve.

Even if we calorie count (and I do), the calories are just our data -- they're helpful to see the way but calorie counting itself is not the way -- the things we do, perhaps measured by calories, is what causes weight loss/gain to happen. A focus must be on shaping the internal long-term habits -- Train my mind to adapt to any circumstance -- so that the natural thing to do when life gets rough and distracting is going to keep us from gaining weight. We don't just eat healthy and light out of intention but also out of thoughtless, automatic "in the zone" or "flow" habit.

One of the communities on reddit that I greatly benefited from was /r/migraine. It was helpful to have a space to talk about common symptoms, experiences, and the various treatment options out there. Wondering if anyone here also experiences migraines & might be interested in a support-ish type discussion thread? I'll post a bit about my personal experience in a separate comment.

(Also -- this is my first post here, so please feel free to let me know if I've tagged this incorrectly or made some other newbie mistake. Thanks!!)

I’m interested to see how many others in the tilde community are trying to actively lose weight, what methods you’re using, any big milestones you reached recently and/or your goals!

I’ll kick off: I lost 25kg in 2022, have been on a long maintenance break while I restarted running and getting into my exercise groove, and am now starting up again to lose another 15-20kg. Last year I was just calorie counting but became a little obsessive so this time around I’m trying intermittent fasting - I’m short and I don’t have many calories to play with so skipping a meal feels like the most doable!

I’m a recent joiner after discovering tildes on Reddit (frankly have found that place terrible for my mental health lately, so this API thing bringing about discussions of alternatives has been a godsend!) but one thing I did like on there is the motivation I’d find in knowing I wasn’t the only one on this journey. Perhaps others feel similar! (And if not, if I’ve committed some heinous social faux pas by posting, I can only apologise - this feels like such a nicely curated place that I’m nervous of spoiling it like some great oaf burping during dinner with the queen)

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

I have an oral surgery coming up that's going to require me to be on a liquid diet for around two weeks (possibly more). Early on it'll have to be pretty strict -- nothing with even small bits of food or anything "gritty" like a smoothie. Later on I'll have a bit more leeway, but I will still have to keep to stuff that doesn't really require chewing until everything's fully healed.

I'm mostly looking for opinions on stuff like meal replacement shakes -- ideally ones that are tasty, satisfying, and without a lot of sugar (if anything like that even exists?).

I'm also interested in any tips/tricks people have if they've been through something similar. I'm hoping to make the best of the (hopefully no more than) two weeks that I can.

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

Not sure if this is the right spot, but the topic says it. I'd like to get my DNA checked out, but I don't want it connected to my name and all that. Is this actually possible? Am I overreacting?

I'm not even sure what I look to gain from the testing, but I figured I'd look into it. If I can do it safely and privately, I'm game. If not, no loss.

Any thoughts?

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?