What are you hopeful about?

The flipside to last week:

Looking forward, what are you hopeful about? What good do you see on the horizon?

You can share hopes that are social, political, personal, or something else entirely.

Addenda:

• These don’t have to be big picture things — they can be tiny or insubstantial hopes as well.

• Sharing hope can be hard because it can feel like you’re being dismissive of struggle, but remember that struggle is often possible to endure only because of hope. Posting hope is a way of helping others, not disregarding them.

Event Guidelines

Everyone is welcome to participate. This includes allies! You do not need to identify as LGBT in order to join in the topics.

I will use "queer" and "LGBT" interchangeably as umbrella terms to refer to all minority sexualities and gender identities. These are intended to be explicitly inclusive.

Be kind; be gracious; listen to others; love lots.

Schedule

I won't reveal everything upfront, but with each post I will give a teaser for what's next:

June 1st: Introductions and Playlist
June 4th: Who is a historical LGBT advocate that you admire?
June 7th: What positive changes have you seen in your lifetime?
June 10th: What's something you wish more people understood?
June 13th: Ask almost anything
June 16th: What media representation resonated with you personally?
June 19th: How are things with your family?
June 22nd: What are you worried about?
June 25th: What are you hopeful about?
June 28th: (teaser: ending on a good note)

If for whatever reason you would not like to see these topics in your feed, add pride month at tildes to your personal tag filters.

Is it just another set of pronouns to you? Does it trigger you, or bother you in any way? Do you use it/its (or know someone who does), and if so how have people responded?

I can see arguments for all sides of this, but haven't seen much discussion about it. So, what are your thoughts?

What are you worried about?

We started Pride month looking back, then we learned a bit more about others, then we reflected more on ourselves. I want to finish the month off by looking forward. The next two topics will ask about the future. This one asks about worries; the next one asks about hope.

Looking forward, what are you worried about? What concerns you most?

You can share worries that are social, political, personal, or something else entirely.

Addenda:

• Similar to last week: this is a safe space to talk about difficulties if you need to.

• Remember that unsolicited advice can come across as dismissive. It’s better to affirm and commiserate than trying to solve the problem (unless they specifically ask for help).

Event Guidelines

Everyone is welcome to participate. This includes allies! You do not need to identify as LGBT in order to join in the topics.

I will use "queer" and "LGBT" interchangeably as umbrella terms to refer to all minority sexualities and gender identities. These are intended to be explicitly inclusive.

Be kind; be gracious; listen to others; love lots.

Schedule

I won't reveal everything upfront, but with each post I will give a teaser for what's next:

June 1st: Introductions and Playlist
June 4th: Who is a historical LGBT advocate that you admire?
June 7th: What positive changes have you seen in your lifetime?
June 10th: What's something you wish more people understood?
June 13th: Ask almost anything
June 16th: What media representation resonated with you personally?
June 19th: How are things with your family?
June 22nd: What are you worried about?
June 25th: (teaser: looking ahead, with optimism)
June 28th:

If for whatever reason you would not like to see these topics in your feed, add pride month at tildes to your personal tag filters.

How are things with your family?

Share your current situation with your family, biological or chosen.

I debated whether or not to put this in the Pride Month topic rotation, because I know it can be a difficult topic for some and isn’t necessarily something with a celebratory/advocacy spirit.

I ended up deciding to include it though because I think space to process is also important. Hopefully people find value in it.

Addenda:

• This is a safe space to talk about difficulties if you need to.

• Sharing successes/positives is absolutely valuable too and can give hope to others.

• If someone shares hardship or sorrow, remember that unsolicited advice can come across as dismissive. It’s better to affirm and commiserate rather than trying to solve the problem (unless they specifically ask for help).

Event Guidelines

Everyone is welcome to participate. This includes allies! You do not need to identify as LGBT in order to join in the topics.

I will use "queer" and "LGBT" interchangeably as umbrella terms to refer to all minority sexualities and gender identities. These are intended to be explicitly inclusive.

Be kind; be gracious; listen to others; love lots.

Schedule

I won't reveal everything upfront, but with each post I will give a teaser for what's next:

June 1st: Introductions and Playlist
June 4th: Who is a historical LGBT advocate that you admire?
June 7th: What positive changes have you seen in your lifetime?
June 10th: What's something you wish more people understood?
June 13th: Ask almost anything
June 16th: What media representation resonated with you personally?
June 19th: How are things with your family?
June 22nd: (teaser: looking ahead, with concern)
June 25th:
June 28th:

If for whatever reason you would not like to see these topics in your feed, add pride month at tildes to your personal tag filters.

What media representation resonated with you personally?

In teaching, we talk about kids’ need to access diverse literature in the framing of “mirrors” and “windows”. A mirror is a character that the child can see themselves in; a window is a character that is different and requires perspective-taking.

A gay child seeing a gay character in a story might see that character as a mirror of themselves, while straight readers might see the character as a window instead, offering some perspective into what it’s like to be gay.

No mirror or window is a perfect match, of course, and people can still identify with characters who don’t exactly align with their identities (which is what makes fiction such a powerful tool for empathy!).

Share some of the characters and people that have resonated with you (whether as windows or mirrors) across any media types (books, movies, television, music, comics, anime, podcasts, etc.).

They can be people who helped you understand yourself better, or people who gave you insight into others' experiences (or both!).

Addenda:

• They do not need to be fictional characters. Real-world people can be windows and mirrors too!

• You don’t have to specify whether someone’s a "window" or a "mirror" for you unless you want to. It’s a simple shorthand way of helping kids understand the concept, but it can feel a little limiting and boxy for adults to use it, since people and characters are complex individuals.

Event Guidelines

Everyone is welcome to participate. This includes allies! You do not need to identify as LGBT in order to join in the topics.

I will use "queer" and "LGBT" interchangeably as umbrella terms to refer to all minority sexualities and gender identities. These are intended to be explicitly inclusive.

Be kind; be gracious; listen to others; love lots.

Schedule

I won't reveal everything upfront, but with each post I will give a teaser for what's next:

June 1st: Introductions and Playlist
June 4th: Who is a historical LGBT advocate that you admire?
June 7th: What positive changes have you seen in your lifetime?
June 10th: What's something you wish more people understood?
June 13th: Ask almost anything
June 16th: What media representation resonated with you personally?
June 19th: (teaser: a check-in on those close, or maybe not so close, to us)
June 22nd:
June 25th:
June 28th:

If for whatever reason you would not like to see these topics in your feed, add pride month at tildes to your personal tag filters.

Quick search on Tildes brought up this five year old post asking how many folks here are asexual - spoiler alert, no replies which identified themselves as ace.

I was asked in the Pride Month intro thread by @arqualite about my relationship, and @Sparksbet shared his experience, and while I didn't want to derail that wonderful and celebratory discussion by talking too much about my one specific relationship, I also definitely want to talk about myself as well, so I am super hoping for two things for this thread:

1. Some discussion about ace spectrum in general - questions, answers, curiosities, insights, anything that might be helpful for folks new and old to the concept, on every segment of the spectrum or attraction layer cake

2. Just one tiny sub comment where I could use some advice and get some clarity .....and a digital hug if you could spare one

Ask almost anything

Last week had a focus on understanding. This week has the same focus but with a different angle.

Use this topic to ask almost any question you want to ask, including those you’re worried might come across poorly if brought up elsewhere.

If you feel equipped to answer a question, answer it!

Importantly: this is a safe space in which you can ask questions free from judgment. The vibe we're going for is a classroom, not a battleground.

Discussions like this can often cause intense emotions, but I want us to be especially vigilant in keeping this topic conflict- and aggression-free (see: Thermostat Rule below). If a fight breaks out in a classroom, learning stops, so conflict is counterproductive to our goals here. Disagreements are fine; disses are not. In all of these threads I have said that we should "be kind; be gracious; listen to others; love lots." Let's put that into practice here.

If you feel that a user is deliberately breaking any of the norms for this topic, do not engage them. It is more productive to simply mark their comment as noise and not respond. In the extremely rare case that you believe someone is actively intending to do harm, please mark their comment as malice.

Ground Rules

• Curiosity Rule: The reason that this is "ask almost anything" instead of "ask literally anything" is that your question has to come from a place of genuine curiosity -- you must honestly want to learn more. This is not a place to ask rhetorical questions to make a point or provocative questions to stir the pot.

• Good Faith Rule: assume all users here are acting in good faith and read their words in the best possible light. This goes for both those asking the questions and those answering as well.

• Thermostat Rule: the thermostat is set for this topic, meaning the heat should not rise. If you find that you might say something that would raise the temperature in the topic, please reword it, step away to cool down for a bit, or ignore the topic entirely.

Guidelines

• Experience Guideline: if a question is directed at people with specific identities/experiences, the bulk of their answers should come with people aligned with those identities/experiences. For example, a question directed at trans people should be primarily (but not necessarily exclusively) answered by trans people. The reason this is a guideline and not a rule is that there are many ways a rule would cut out valuable discourse -- e.g. people who are still questioning their identities; a cis person who wants to talk about the experiences of their trans partner, etc.

• Multiple Answers Guideline: even if a question has already been answered by someone else, it is okay to give another answer if you have more to add or a different perspective to share.

• Volunteer Guideline: if you are open to answering questions about specific topics, instead of making a top-level comment with a question, make a top level comment stating what you're willing to share about (e.g. "I'm happy to answer questions about ace spectrum terminology"). People can then respond to you directly with their questions.

Full Event Guidelines

Everyone is welcome to participate. This includes allies! You do not need to identify as LGBT in order to join in the topics (especially this one!).

I will use "queer" and "LGBT" interchangeably as umbrella terms to refer to all minority sexualities and gender identities. These are intended to be explicitly inclusive.

Be kind; be gracious; listen to others; love lots.

Schedule

I won't reveal everything upfront, but with each post I will give a teaser for what's next:

June 1st: Introductions and Playlist
June 4th: Who is a historical LGBT advocate that you admire?
June 7th: What positive changes have you seen in your lifetime?
June 10th: What's something you wish more people understood?
June 13th: Ask almost anything
June 16th: (teaser: windows and mirrors)
June 19th:
June 22nd:
June 25th:
June 28th:

If for whatever reason you would not like to see these topics in your feed, add pride month at tildes to your personal tag filters.

I put on Hit Man last night and about an hour into - it once some romance got going - I just.. stopped caring. I realized I just don't care.

I am strictly homosexual, important to note.

It wasn't even mainly a romantic movie. Nor a bad movie. It was pretty average but I often quite like these turn-off-your-brain type action/comedies. The weird thing is that the same director made the Before trilogy which are some of my favorite movies of all time, but maybe it's just that they're better movies?

In any case, it just kind of surprised me that I had this reaction since I usually don't mind this "tier" of movies. It's not disgust or anything either! I just.. didn't care. But if it were a gay or lesbian romance, I would have definitely been super into it.

I assume I'm not alone in this. I'm just having kind of an epiphany moment here! You'd think a 30 year old who's been out for years would have had this realization a bit earlier: we/I am not the "default" target audience.

Feels pretty weird?

What's something you wish more people understood?

What are the common (or not so common) misconceptions you have to live underneath?

What are the parts of your experience that don't seem to be widely portrayed/known?

What do you wish more people understood because genuinely understanding that could genuinely help them too?

Addenda:

• This does not have to be strictly factual. It can be based in experiences and beliefs.

• It can be based in yourself, in a larger identity that you share with others, or something else entirely.

• Try to avoid any responses that include a spite for other people's ignorance. Center them instead in the earnest desire to be both truthful and known. (Write your response for today's lucky 10,000 rather than today's bigots.)

Event Guidelines

Everyone is welcome to participate. This includes allies! You do not need to identify as LGBT in order to join in the topics.

I will use "queer" and "LGBT" interchangeably as umbrella terms to refer to all minority sexualities and gender identities. These are intended to be explicitly inclusive.

Be kind; be gracious; listen to others; love lots.

Schedule

I won't reveal everything upfront, but with each post I will give a teaser for what's next:

June 1st: Introductions and Playlist
June 4th: Who is a historical LGBT advocate that you admire?
June 7th: What positive changes have you seen in your lifetime?
June 10th: What's something you wish more people understood?
June 13th: (teaser: a chance to understand more)
June 16th:
June 19th:
June 22nd:
June 25th:
June 28th:

If for whatever reason you would not like to see these topics in your feed, add pride month at tildes to your personal tag filters.

What positive changes have you seen in your lifetime?

Last week we looked at people in the past, but this week I want us to turn the focus more towards ourselves and the experiences we've had.

I want you to think back across the span of your particular life and identify the positive changes that you've personally witnessed regarding LGBT people and causes.

Addenda:

• These positive things can be at any level: yourself, your friend(s), your family, your community, your country, society, the world at large, etc.

• These positive changes do not have to be "big" or political (though they certainly can be). It is perfectly fine to share your own small, personal stories. If they're positive, then they count!

• These can come from any domain: personal life, law, entertainment, science, careers, etc.

• I'm certainly aware that there are still many negative things that hurt us and our community out there. I don't want this topic to be something that paints a false, saccharine picture of our world, but I think it's important to take broad and open stock of situations and remind ourselves of any positives. Not only is Pride partly about hope, but focusing on positives can be a powerful tool against despair.

Event Guidelines

Everyone is welcome to participate. This includes allies! You do not need to identify as LGBT in order to join in the topics.

I will use "queer" and "LGBT" interchangeably as umbrella terms to refer to all minority sexualities and gender identities. These are intended to be explicitly inclusive.

Be kind; be gracious; listen to others; love lots.

Schedule

I won't reveal everything upfront, but with each post I will give a teaser for what's next:

June 1st: Introductions and Playlist
June 4th: Who is a historical LGBT advocate that you admire?
June 7th: What positive changes have you seen in your lifetime?
June 10th: (teaser: maybe a chance to be better understood?)
June 13th:
June 16th:
June 19th:
June 22nd:
June 25th:
June 28th:

If for whatever reason you would not like to see these topics in your feed, add pride month at tildes to your personal tag filters.

Event Overview

June 1st marks the beginning of Pride Month for many countries around the world, and we're going to have our own little celebration here on Tildes!

I have come up with ten different discussion topics centered on sharing, celebrating, and understanding queer life and experiences. I will post one every four days throughout the month of June.

Everyone is welcome to participate. This includes allies! You do not need to identify as LGBT in order to join in the topics. Also, I will use "queer" and "LGBT" interchangeably as umbrella terms to refer to all minority sexualities and gender identities. These are intended to be explicitly inclusive.

Schedule

I won't reveal everything upfront, but with each post I will give a teaser for what's next:

June 1st: Introductions and Playlist
June 4th: (teaser: you might have to look back in time a little bit)
June 7th:
June 10th:
June 13th:
June 16th:
June 19th:
June 22nd:
June 25th:
June 28th:

#1 - Introductions and Playlist

This is the inaugural post -- the beginning of our little month-long discussion topic Pride Parade!

There are two tasks for this post:

1. Introduce yourself to everyone and share any information about yourself that you feel comfortable sharing. Who are you? How do you identify? What’s important for people to know about you? Are you excited about anything? Are you doing anything for Pride Month IRL?

2. A good Pride Month needs a good Pride Playlist! Link to some of your favorite queer-themed songs or tracks from LGBT artists so that we can crowdsource an awesome collection of music to listen to throughout the month.

If for whatever reason you would not like to see these topics in your feed, add pride month at tildes to your personal tag filters.

Who is a historical LGBT advocate that you admire?

We, in 2024, come from a long lineage of people who have fought for and advocated for queer causes and identities. We have those who came before us to thank for many of our rights, the terminology that we apply to ourselves, and even our very own self-concepts. The dignity that many of us are able to live with today is only possible because of people who asserted, against often significant pushback, that our dignity should be non-negotiable.

I think it would be great if we could all share some of their stories here. It's a way of keeping their memories alive, honoring their contributions, and saying thank you for the path that they laid and upon which we now walk.

Please share the story of at least one historical figure that was an LGBT advocate that you admire. Please do not just link to a Wikipedia page or an article about them -- take the time to tell us their story in your own words.

If you do not have one in mind immediately, that's fine! This is also a great opportunity to do some research. Wikipedia has a good starting point, but feel free to explore on your own.

A few addenda:

• Feel free to connect their story to your own experiences and share why you, personally, find them admirable.

• For the purposes of this post, "historical" does not mean "ancient." If the person came before you and was a trailblazer for queer causes, then they count!

• The person themselves does not have to actively identify as someone under the LGBT umbrella. Straight allies can be trailblazers too, as can historical figures whose specific identities were ambiguous or don't map on to our modern identities and terminology.

• The individual's advocacy does not have to specifically be political in nature. Many historical figures were queer advocates simply by openly being themselves. That absolutely counts!

Event Guidelines

Everyone is welcome to participate. This includes allies! You do not need to identify as LGBT in order to join in the topics.

I will use "queer" and "LGBT" interchangeably as umbrella terms to refer to all minority sexualities and gender identities. These are intended to be explicitly inclusive.

Be kind; be gracious; listen to others; love lots.

Schedule

I won't reveal everything upfront, but with each post I will give a teaser for what's next:

June 1st: Introductions and Playlist
June 4th: Who is a historical LGBT advocate that you admire?
June 7th: (teaser: you might have to look back in time again, but this time a little closer to home)
June 10th:
June 13th:
June 16th:
June 19th:
June 22nd:
June 25th:
June 28th:

If for whatever reason you would not like to see these topics in your feed, add pride month at tildes to your personal tag filters.

Disclaimer: This post is probably overly-long and a little all over the place. It’s just as much me writing things out to get a sense of where I am and how I feel about everything as it is asking a question to a real audience. For anyone who genuinely wants to take the time to read it, hopefully not read too into it, and provide any insights – thank you. I'm not sure how large the LGBT community on Tildes might actually be, I will probably end up x-posting this to Reddit despite the fact that I’ll most likely end up regretting that decision

I'm a late-thirties, gay, cis gendered, masculine presenting (for lack of a better term), otter (beard, harry, smaller frame so not considered a bear). For almost all of my life I've lived in smaller locals that lacked any real gay scene and so I have almost entirely lived apart from the larger gay world and community. To a large extent I'm grateful for this, I think in my younger years the focus on partying and sex would have been disastrous for me and now my friend groups are diverse with straight males and females and a few gay friends. However, a large part of me feels like I've missed out on something and continue to miss out on something.

In the past year or so I've developed a gay Instagram profile that is now very connected to the gay bear community in my country and a few neighboring ones. I’ve also been in a larger city for a few years now and have a real gay community that I could connect with if I wanted to. Obviously, I'm primarily attracted to more bear type men and I've found that through Instagram I'm seeing that a lot of guys in the community remind me of myself in manner of interests and style. I also see this as a chance to make some friends who would actually see me and understand me, something that I think gets a little lost with my non-gay friends and my gay friends who are not like me in other ways

Huge disclaimer: I'm viewing all of this through the lens of Instagram which makes my interpretations of what I'm seeing already dubious - the app is largely triggering FOMO and a touch of envy in me, I fully understand that.

There was a bear dance night in my city a few weeks ago and many guys from different regions came through to celebrate and find community. I watched it all distantly through Instagram posts and stories and through all my voyeurism I found myself extremely tempted to go to the party but remained frozen in intimidation by a community that I really don't understand.

My worries summed up:

• We’re not one of the bigger bear events around so it’s clear from their posts that these guys all know each other and probably hang out multiple times a year. Approaching that as a complete outsider is already anxiety inducing to me

• Even though I logically know that the only way to make friends is to put yourself out there, I’ve at times faced rejection and exclusion via the apps and just fear that this would be the same thing but in real life. Despite my attempts to date my way into the community, I haven’t had a lot of success breaking through. (Please don’t take this to mean that I’ve fully fetishized bears, I don’t limit my relationships to something so narrow at all)

• One of my hangups is the fact that I myself am not a bear. My understanding is that Otters and “masc” guys are often very welcome in the bear community, which I am, but not actually being one of them makes me question my place there. I am aware how terrible this is as it perpetuates the gay culture of largely basing worth on physical characteristics and the fact that bear does not equal masculine. I hate to bring up that last part but I just want to be descriptive

• I would be loath to enter into a community whose identity hangs on partying. I see on Instagram that a lot of groups of bear friends do other activities than drinking but they also do a fair share of bar-going and partying. If these bear events would end up turning out like the circuit party culture, then I have no real interest. I do like to occasionally go out drinking with friends but have no intention of maintaining a party lifestyle. In a similar vein, I wouldn’t want to enter into a community that is primarily sex-based either and I do get those vibes from these groups and parties sometimes as well

• My intentions for wanting to participate are unclear. I see these guys building what seem like genuine friendships with each other and I do genuinely want that but at the same time it would be dishonest for me not to admit that there is a sexual component to this and a desire for validation from a group of men who I find attractive

• Is my understanding of this community completely invalid? Maybe the impressions I’m gaining of the community are completely unrealistic and I should completely rethink the underlying question of this entire post – would I find value in being a member of the bear world?

It’s clear to me that in the end my Instagram habit, particularly my “bear” profile, is triggering some anxieties and insecurities in me that I’ve largely managed to concur in real life. I already have caring friends and have had a rich dating and relationship life without being part of any real gay community and so my final question to myself is whether I should just delete the IG profile and abandon any thoughts of going to gay parties – I may just be looking to fill a hole in myself that my real friends and love life should be enough for.

For anyone here who has chosen your own name, what was that process like?

What factors did you consider? Did you go based on meaning, aesthetics, vibes? Something else entirely? A mix of all of the above?

Was it an easy decision? A difficult one? How long did it take you to decide? I’d love to hear your story.

I’m not mulling over the decision myself or anything — I’m just curious about the process and would love to know more.