Euthanizing my old friend. When is the right moment?

I didn't read all the replies as I find this stuff very hard. One mistake I made was having my little cat put to sleep at the vet. It makes me very upset as I write this to think her last minutes were scared at the vet instead of at home where she knew her surroundings. Here you can get a vet to come around to your house. Something I will do next time.

Having just put my 16yo Yorkie mutt down 3 weeks ago, we had joked for years that he was on deaths door. This past year has been really hard; he could almost never make it outside to go, fell down the stairs a few times, needed help in and out, he would go a few days without eating then pick back up. Then right after labor day, he just.. never picked back up. Also stopped drinking water. After a week I took him to the vet, he was just a bag of bones, and he had lost 30% of his weight. We didn't go through any diagnostic or get any real evaluation; the vet said it might show something, or it might just show he's an old dying dog. We decided to put him down then, and everything just happened so quickly after just dragging on for so long.

This is such a tough situation to be in. We had to go through this with our 11 year old German Shepherd earlier this year. He had degenerative myelopathy, which was a spinal cord disease that presents with mobility issues, and progresses to other loss of back-end function such as incontinence and paralysis. So we knew that the day was coming, but I really, really struggled to find the balance between "too early" and "too late". That window is, IMO, very very narrow, hard to determine in the moment, and difficult to coordinate with.

The line we drew, which our vet agreed with, was trying to let him go just before he would no longer be able get himself up. We wanted him to go with dignity, and at that point, dignity would've been lost. We ultimately didn't determine this point correctly. In our case, the end happened so quickly - he went from being able to get up (with some assistance from us, which is when we made the call) to completely paralyzed in a matter of 3 days. He was 90 lbs with back pain, so we couldn't comfortably lift him to carry him anywhere. It got to the point where not only could he no longer get up (and stopped trying), but he didn't want to eat either (which was very unlike him).

Because we couldn't comfortably lift him without him freaking out or whining in pain, and because we didn't want him dying on a cold table in the vet's office, we did home euthanasia. The challenge with this was finding someone over the weekend, which we couldn't do in our area so it ended up being a Tuesday (a day and a half later than we wanted). I ended up sleeping downstairs on an air mattress in the living room with him so he wouldn't have to get up, and wouldn't be alone. The morning of his appointment, I cooked him a steak dinner. The vet eventually came and we had him euthanized, and our other dog was able to be there as well.

One of the things that makes this situation even harder is that their bodies often fail them well before their minds. So like your pup, ours overall seemed happy through all this until the last day, and it got to the point where I wish we could have done it sooner. But you often don't know that you're at that point until you're past it. I wish he didn't have to go while soiled and suffering, but I was so afraid of doing it too early that I ended up doing it too late.

First off, so very sorry that you are going through this.

My boyfriend and I have adopted old pups from the shelter, so unfortunately we have been through the process a couple of times now. It never is easy, but we have learned some things along the way.

This one is from my vet (who also adopts old pets, ones with health issues at that) - make a list of what your dog loves/loved to do that means "quality of life". Once your dog can no longer do those things, it is time.

For ourselves, we had trouble drawing the line both times. I am fearful of waiting too long (saw a tough grizzled coworker break down sobbing on the shop floor once because he waited too long for his dogs - the stakes are high), and both times I think we cut it about as close as we could. I'm uncomfortable that it worked out that way, but it's hard on your own sometimes to know.
What helped both times was to take them in to the vet, explain what we are seeing, show video of areas of concern for our pup, and tell them that we think the time is getting close and get their thoughts. That professional outside opinion helped us a ton, even when they just confirmed we were on the right path.

Start thinking now how you want this done. One dog we took to the vet. The other hated the vet, so we did a home service. Plan it now, call around now to see where you want to go. Each has its considerations. Not all vets let you be in the room when they euthanize. If that matters to you, start asking now. The home services give different levels of what they do before and after. If you want to go that route, look at the ones in your area, and see what options best fit what you want. This is the last thing you are doing for your buddy, so best to do it a way you are both as comfortable as you can be.

Other than that, spoil your dog until the time. Give them lots of love.

I don't know where you live, or if its feasible, but you might ask you vet about Librela (https://www.fda.gov/animal-veterinary/cvm-updates/fda-approves-first-monoclonal-antibody-dogs-osteoarthritis-pain) shots. It's a monoclonal antibody that targets arthritis inflammation in dogs. I have 2 19-year-old cats who I thought were about to the point of needing euthanasia for similar reasons to your dog. They've now been on the cat version of that medicine for a year are as active and happy as they were 5 years ago. The dog shot was just approved in the US in May, so its only a recent option; your vet may not have had at their disposal at your last visit.

It's genuinely one of the toughest decisions anyone could ever make. I've walked that path myself with my dear girl not long ago, and I can tell you, it wasn't an easy journey. Speaking to your vet and having them assess your beloved pet can provide some clarity. That guidance was invaluable for me. There might be treatments or medications to consider; for instance, my girl had arthritis, and there were medicines that could've given us a bit more time together.

For me, the turning point was asking myself: Am I confident she won't be found struggling one morning, too weak to move? Once I felt that doubt, I realized it might be kinder to let her go. Every pet and their journey will be unique, but a guiding principle could be assessing whether your pet can still perform essential functions comfortably and without distress. It's heartbreaking to witness our furry friends in distress, especially when they can't get up. They deserve to live with dignity, and sometimes, we have to make that tough choice to ensure it.

It's comforting, in a bittersweet way, to remember that providing a peaceful departure is one of the most profound acts of love we can offer. It's a compassionate choice, not one of judgement. When the moment comes, envelop them with your love and presence. They'll drift off with the comforting sensation of you being there, offering them peace and love. The burden then shifts to us, the ones left behind, as we mourn their absence.

Sending you all the warmth, compassion, and strength from this humble southern heart.

"When is the right moment?"

Natasha was with me for about 14 years. She was a rescue off the streets. I fostered her, fell in love with her, no one on planet earth could have been better to her than I was. She was very protective of me and the property, a sweetheart, a beautiful pup until the end.

The hardest thing I ever did was to have her put down. I finally realized it was time: everything was failing, there was no hope for a better life, and I was being selfish by putting my feelings ahead of her best interests.

That was the fall of 2017. As I write this, tears are freely flowing. I miss you, you big beautiful dog, but I'll see you again one of these days.

You'll know when the right moment comes. It is the worst kind of pain but you have to realize at some point you have to be strong and let go.

We just had to say goodbye to our beloved Harris in May and I agree with all of the posters here: it’s basically an impossible decision to make.

Remember that you’re not making this decision for your benefit, but rather for your friend’s. It’s easy to confuse “is it too soon for my dog” with “I can’t do this personally”, and I think that makes a lot of people justify letting things go too far.

I’m glad we made our choice when we did. It was clear things weren’t getting better. Letting things go any longer would have meant he was suffering. That’s not to say it was easy — I’m legit welling up writing this.

Also big time agree with @greentriple and @devilized: we had an at-home euthanasia and it was beautiful. He got to peacefully go to sleep in our back yard on a sunny afternoon, just like he loved to do when he was healthy. It was a great way to say goodbye.

Comparing all this to the last pet we had to put down: we let it go on way too long, she was sick as hell and obviously miserable, and when we did finally take her in to the vet (which she had always hated more than anything) it was such a stressful process for her and for us. I’m glad we learned our lessons from that.

One last bit of advice: the day before we made the decision, we took our dog to a quiet park he loved and just let him sniff around for an hour. Sounds like nothing, but it was an important part of our closure process to have one final outing with him, and we have a special place to go visit when we’re missing him now.

I wish you the very best, and my heart is with you. This is a really tough time, and no matter what you choose, the fact that you made this post and that you’re thinking so hard about this shows you’re a considerate person and a good friend to your dog. ❤️

There is already so much good information here and I don't have a ton to add. I do want to commend you for thinking about the question of when already, a lot of pet owners never consider end of life decision making. That you are already thinking about it and weighing the timing implies that you are hopefully unlikely to let it linger. A vet friend once told me something along the lines of "you will never consider having done it a day early but pretty much everyone thinks they waited a day too long."
Besides that, be prepared for yourself. So many people in my life have died and none of them have broken me in as visceral a way as putting my dog down. Be prepared to take a day off work, to treat yourself kindly, and to experience grief. I'm not sure if it is universally helpful, but my wife decided that immediately after the appointment, when we were still in emotional shock, we should clean and put all our dog's things in storage (I couldn't emotionally handle disposing of it that day.) so that we weren't constantly reminded of our dog. I found it helpful, so just my two cents.
Take care of yourself, take care of your pup.

I know it has been a while since you posted this, but just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you. It's a very tough time, and just wishing the best for you. <3

Talk with your vet as they’ll help with this.

Pick a few things about your dog that defines who they are as well as things they enjoy. When they’re no long able to a number of those things it’s time.

It’s also time if:

• They need help going potty.
• Frequent accidents.
• Sudden loss of vision, hearing or awareness of their surroundings.
• Loss of appetite.
• Increase in aggressiveness.
• Territorial or defensive behavior.
• Constant panting and disheveled appearance.

You may also want to consider if there are any recent major or upcoming changes that could impact them such as a move to a new home, job change, family members moving in/out or incoming harsh weather conditions (winter, severe heat).

Review photos and videos of your pet. In my experience their health declines over years and I just got used to how they were. Videos especially made it really obvious in hindsight that it was time.

One last thing that somebody told me and I found it worked for me when I tried it. If your plan is to always have one or two dogs, then get the new pet before the old one passes away. It helps with your transition. Obviously, if your current pet is near the end it would be too late and you’ll want to wait until after their passing.

A lot of people have already given great advice; but I feel it pertinent to also state: a vet will never offer euthanasia as an option, unless they themselves have already drawn the conclusion that the time is right.

I'm sorry you're hitting this stage of your friend's life now.

All the advice I see here is good. I will only add that in my experience the regret of waiting too long is much worse than the uncertainty of whether you could have waited a little bit longer.

We had to euthanize our old gal at 15 last November. Our criteria was to do so once she was having more bad days than good, especially in a row. When she got to the point of barely eating even treats/human food, we knew it was time. We were able to get a vet to come out to the house on one of her good days. It was warm and sunny, and we took her for a walk not long before hand. When it happened, it was just like her going for a long sleep.

I still think about her constantly.

I don't have advice, I just wanted to share something that may give you a different perspective to offset all the sadness you can see up ahead.

I had to put one pet down and it wasn't my choice. He was the first pet my wife and I got after getting married, picked him up right out of the gutter during an evening walk. I held him against my chest for the 20min walk back to the apartment and I was talking to my wife the whole way. That last memory is why my wife and I believe he absolutely adored me his whole life and would be really possessive of me around my wife in hilarious ways. Sometimes we would be cuddling in bed and he'd wedge his way in between us, by way of stepping on her head.

I loved my time with him, but all of the sudden I was sitting in the vet office and she was telling me it was either coughing up another 2 grand, because the procedure that financially devestated us actually commonly fails and has to be performed again. We had spent t-w-o t-h-o-u-s-a-n-d dollars we didn't have thinking it was just the cost of keeping our little boy, but no, when in reality we just extended his pain, scared him, and kept him separated from his brother. My wife and I were taking our nieces to Disneyland the next day, she had just picked them up when I called and told her the options. We took turns crying in the room with him, while the other sat in the lobby with our nieces and entertained them. Every second of our last moments with him weren't our choice, we were young and trapped, so we took care of him the best we could and the way professionals told us we should. We forked over another 200 dollars and put him to rest. He was four years old.

You have enjoyed a long and full life with your old man. You have so many memories and his brain washes with serotonin and dopamine every time he sees you from all the years and years of happiness carving those pathways in his brain. I can't help you make the decision of when, but I can remind you that it's the tough decision at a full and happy life. I know that's one good thing tossed on a scale that's other side is overflowing with bad. But in these hard moments, sometimes that's enough.

I've only had cats over my life, but I'm fortunate enough to have a long-time vet that managed to survive the transition of owners without losing that personal touch. I've always followed a policy of 'if my cat either soils themself or, due to a known issue we've already visited the vet for has degenerated to the point of barely being able to do more than walk around, it's time to visit the vet.' Once there I listen to her recommendations, and then I ask (she never brings it up first) about if she feels it's time to put them to sleep. A couple of times, she's said no because she had treatment she could offer. Those times got the cat a few more months (one time, almost a year) of delicate, but functional life.

Otherwise? I stay with them in the office, holding them while she takes care of the process. It's never not a tearful endeavor, but my cats always have seemed relaxed with me holding them, and they've never shown signs of even a hint of suffering beyond what they've already been enduring at that point. If anything, they seem comforted by my vet's presence since she always makes a point to speak softly and try to soothe them along with me before beginning. Having witnessed that level of compassion in such an emotional circumstance almost has me tearing up out of gratitude as I think about it.

So to sum up (for anyone reading), if you aren't sure if 'it's time' and you have a trusted vet, I'd go with their recommendation. Being able to euthanize at home is ideal of course, but if your pet is comfortable at the vet with you there then I find that to be a good option too.

In case this is too long, here's the main information up front.
Euthanasia, Loss, and Grief of a Companion Cat - Kitten Lady where she explains how she made the decision. Maybe only watch the part where she explains the decision (her video has time stamps) -- I wasn't able to watch the entire video due to my crying too much.

When to put a dog down
Inability to walk is #3 on the list.

I was watching KittenLady's video the other day and she said anyone she has talked to has regrets about waiting too long and none for doing it too soon. I'm recommending her video with the caveat that I could only get through about half of it due to crying... but she explained how she made her decision and that may help you.

For her, it was about writing down the positive things worth living on one side, and the things that were negatives on the other side and treating death as a zero. She decided that as soon as the 'balance' was negative (so more negatives than positives) it was time. Also, she wanted to choose versus have it chosen for her and have her companion still feeling mostly well and not afraid or in a lot of pain.

In short she wanted to avoid what I did -- which was wait too long, then one morning find my cat stuck to the side of my child's bed, arms splayed to each side, with claws stuck, and head hanging in between. I was horrified thinking she had died like that...and then even more horrified when I realized she was still alive and suffering. I had waited too long and that will haunt me forever.

From my vet's perspective -- with another pet I had -- she had told me a list of things to watch for. One of the very first examples on her list was mobility and how it can mean an animal is in a lot of pain and may be depressed. Also, in the case of my cat, he'd fallen off a couch before, and she explained what if I came home from work to find he had fallen from somewhere higher and had broken a hip/etc. and suffered for 8 hours. That helped me decide.

Really though what another user commented -really- helped. That as soon as a vet mentions it as an option -- it's already time in their eyes to do it (or extremely close and they want to give you a couple of days to prepare yourself emotionally to say goodbye). I think for me it's also important to do it sooner rather than later. It's very important I think to consider quality of life (and having a 'good' death) than living longer in pain/fear/etc.

Also, I highly recommend if you have the option, to have the vet come to your home to do it. We were able to do that with one of our cats and I'm glad his last moments were more peaceful as a result.