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Your creative ways to say "none of your business"?
I'm curious of what other people say when someone (say, a coworker or a complete stranger) asks prying questions-- or even questions you just don't feel like answering!
Personally, I enjoy giving irrelevant answers to the busybody I run into at least once a week, from the classic "I'm going to iron my dog" (more of an excuse, but still great for befuddling), to the recent favorite: "This human suit is chafing and I need to remove it to apply baby powder."
I don't have anything general to add, but once was able to use the classic "that is above your clearance level" line and have never felt more powerful.
Honestly I never enjoyed doing it when I was in the military
Always felt like I have to be super apologetic about it
And the other person was usually someone I was working with but clearance just made our lives harder.
One time though, there was this captain bothering me about specific aspects of my job he had no part of, and no reason to know, so I just used the "I'm sorry but I can't tell you that" and it worked like a charm
That one's a goodie; I don't use that one enough.
There was a tumblr post going around years ago that was worded similar to "You must be a Level 5 Friend to access that information."
I'm so good at saying no people find it amusing. I'm literal too. Maybe a bit too blunt. "I don't wanna talk about that". I say it politely and without emotion. I'm not pissed or offended. Just setting a boundary. No big deal.
So I guess I'm not creative at all.
I got better at it over time. I remember being more of a people pleaser when i was young and stuff like that would have been hard. I would have hedged infinitely, just skirting around saying 'no', but never say it. Then eventually cave and say 'yes'.
I think i was about 28 when I got over it and i realized it when I was at a bar and this guy was trying to get in front of people in line to order - and actually succeeding. He got to me and he had some line prepared like "Hey man, my friend is bartending. Let me go ahead and we'll all get served faster." Had i been younger, i wouldn't have been so naive to have believed him - but i certainly would have made up an excuse or beat around the bush or something - but in that moment i just looked at him and said "No." And he was taken aback - he held up his hands and started talking like i had just told him to 'fuck off'. But all i said was 'No.'
Pretty powerful word, that. And yeah nowadays I am also pretty blunt.
I wish I was secure enough about myself to do this without feeling guilty afterward.
I wish I was as secure as you think ;)
I find framing difficult interactions as a skill helpful. Only way to improve a skill is through study and practice right? Plan your approaches, and keep trying. The first attempts are always awful. But keep in that growth mindset and I'm sure you'll look back and be proud of how far you've come
Very true, just from what I've seen on this site. I wish I had your style.
Hey, no worries. I can be creative for 4 people.
And by creative I mean really, really weird.
When religious relatives ask "when are you having kids??", the best answer is "in God's time" 😇
--me, an atheist who isn't planning to have children
That`s beautiful )
Depends, what's the context of the conversation? Too curious about a personal matter? "That's neither here nor there." Does wonders for me.
Want to deflect when the security manager asks something that seems to be beaching the professional/personal barrier? "Looking to add to the file then?" Gets them to consider if the question they're asking is about work... and if they stop laughing (or never start) you can request that you reconvene in a secure area.
Spouse asking about something that you're still processing? "I'm gonna need a bit more time to think about this before I go bitching your ears off, nothing to worry about though."
And, if all else fails, bluntly "That's a personal matter. I'd appreciate we don't go further." This last one is killer because you've plainly put the line in the sand for them. They've got to be really annoying if they push past that and you're in the clear to get rude with them.
I have had great success with dissuading coworkers from pestering me by telling them (truthfully) how busy I am and then insinuating that perhaps they can assist with some of my work. They tend to scurry off pretty quickly.
For overly prying questions, I just say “that’s a bit too personal to share right now.”
Has "our princess is in another castle" vibes, I like it.
My parents told of a Bible college professor; whenever another Christian would start to gossip he would grab their hand and say "why don't you lead us in prayer for them?"
Either they would realize they were wrong to gossip, or they'd stop gossiping around him.
'Nah you're alright mate.'
If the question is specific my go to is either "As far as you know" or "Not as far as you know".
Depends what it is. Whenever I need a specific day off for anything I always say it's for "an appointment".
If people generally ask me why I'm unable to attend things my response will change depending on context. Could range from "living my life" to "it's personal".
I did once tell a manager I wasn't able to pick up extra hours because "I could be attending cancer treatment. I'm not, but I could be".
If it comes up at work I just say that's not something I talk about at work.
Some random internet video from years ago had a bald guy saying something like "I'm going to go steal the shampoo from the bathroom". Any juxtaposition of bald and shampoo works really well to just short circuit people's brains - even though yes, bald folks do use shampoo to control oil on the scalp.
Unfortunately for my use of the saying, I've not gone bald yet.
"Oh who can remember"
I can politely decline for most things. Nothing creative. Just "I don't want to talk about it right now" or I'll just find ways to change the topic or deflect.
But. When random extended relatives ask me when I'm going to get a partner, my answer is always "I'm going to marry my (insert pet here)"
It's not particularly funny, and they'll be polite and laugh or something like that first. But they'll persistt like "No, really." and I'll keep saying "Yes. Really. I'm going to marry my pet"
Then they get annoyed and leave me alone.
I also like bringing in pets for my answers.
"I'm taking Weirdo to the club tonight, and we gotta pregame."
"Isn't Weirdo your cat?"
"Yeah. And?"
You can make it someone else's (unidentified) fault. "Sorry, they asked me to keep quiet about it for now" or "Sorry, I signed an NDA" or "I'm not at liberty to say". "Boy, I'd love to tell you all about it but I'm not allowed to".
I like that!
“You know how sometimes in movies people say ‘I’d tell you but then I’d have to kill you’?”
And then just stay silent.
My strategy early on is to open the floodgates to a shallow surface level view of my life, and show how busy I am. I have a calendar that I share with two other people, so if I happen to forget to mention that fact, and quickly open my calendar and scroll through, they’ll see maybe two dozen things a week.
To some extent, I am actually busy — when friends ask to hang out, I literally have to check my calendar and often need to book weeks in advance. Right now is surprisingly quiet, it looks like I’ve got four as-yet-unbooked weekends between now and the end of November, but given my October went from mostly free to mostly booked over the last four days, I don’t expect it to last.
That one I'm going to be borrowing!