parenthesis's recent activity
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (October 2026) in ~health.mental
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (October 2026) in ~health.mental
parenthesis Link ParentHey! No I don't mind at all. My therapist practices process-based behavioral therapy. From reading a bit online, it seems like he's fairly idiosyncratic about the approach. His philosophy is that...Hey! No I don't mind at all.
My therapist practices process-based behavioral therapy. From reading a bit online, it seems like he's fairly idiosyncratic about the approach. His philosophy is that most problems stem from a root issue or pattern we fall into. We spend time addressing the issues I'm thinking about in a given week and exploring how they relate to larger root beliefs I have such as "I'm weird" or "I'm a bad person". Exposing this helps challenge these kinds of negative self belief and break old patterns.
I will say though that for me probably the most helpful part of therapy has been exercises to connect with feelings and work I've done outside of sessions to do so. My first really big breakthrough came from allowing myself to sit with my therapist while going through a difficult conversation and focusing on the sensations in my body. Frequently I feel nothing during a hard conversation or jump right past emotions to thoughts, but after spending several months talking more intellectually, I was able to stay there with him and really cry for the first time in over a decade. And as someone who bottles things up and lives in their head, just being able to be that open with another human was probably more significant than the particular method he uses.
My most recent big change came from reading It's Not Always Depression, which is an explanation and exercises from AEDP therapy. I found the concept of the Change Triangle incredibly helpful as a concrete way to understand emotions and defense mechanisms, particularly as someone whose main emotional experience is usually anxiety. I don't know if you're also autistic, but the author's obsession with eye contact might be either off-putting or hilarious depending on your mindset going in. Otherwise I think it's super useful if you want to work on feeling big feelings. I cried A LOT though, and had to be in a place where I was able to cope with the bad parts of feeling better. But it led to me feeling increased access to positive feelings as well. I'm sure there are more layers and it's only been a couple weeks, but that's what made me feel like I've really turned a corner.
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (October 2026) in ~health.mental
parenthesis Link ParentI wanted to say that your therapy section reads like what I could write about myself. I spent a huge part of my life feeling very little emotion and intellectualizing my sad childhood without...I wanted to say that your therapy section reads like what I could write about myself. I spent a huge part of my life feeling very little emotion and intellectualizing my sad childhood without actually every having processed it on an emotional or bodily level.
I've been on mental health leave from work for 6 months and in therapy, and I'm finally at a point where I've broken through many of the defenses I've built up against feeling my emotions. I also realized I struggle with alexithymia and usually experience a delay in emotional processing, so knowing that has helped me figure out some of what I need to do to actually access my feelings.
This has led to a lot of realizations and upheaval in my life, but I feel alive and hopeful about where I can go from here despite the stress and negative emotions that come with it. Honestly, even when I feel terrible, I'm also pretty proud of myself for being able to actually feel that way and cry or release emotion rather than immediately suppressing it.
Anyway, not sure if we're at quite the same place, but I wanted to say I see you, stranger! And I'm glad you're making progress.
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Comment on Tildes Game Giveaway: June 2026 in ~games
parenthesis Link ParentI would love to try Organs Please!I would love to try Organs Please!
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Comment on What's something you want to understand the appeal of? in ~talk
parenthesis Link ParentFor me anyways, exactly. I'm okay with having pieces that I don't have the same emotional connection to any more. They're still a reminder of a particular time in my life. And it's not like my...But since you said that you wouldn't remove any, maybe that's just not as big of a deal to most people and they're okay having pieces that they no longer really care about or don't mean much/anything to them any more.
For me anyways, exactly. I'm okay with having pieces that I don't have the same emotional connection to any more. They're still a reminder of a particular time in my life. And it's not like my tastes have changed so much that I actively dislike anything I've chosen to put on my body.
If you like a heavily tattooed look, then perhaps having a piece that no longer really resinates with you is better than not having anything there at all?
For more this is less clear, but it's definitely the case that the more tattoos you get the more they blend together. A lot of heavily tattooed people have some really badly done pieces on them, but you tend to notice them much less than you would if it was the only thing on them.
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Comment on What's something you want to understand the appeal of? in ~talk
parenthesis Link ParentI can take a shot at the appeal (for me). I've been getting tattooed since I was 18, but it's only in my 30s that I'm getting super into it now that I have the money and am getting work by high...I can take a shot at the appeal (for me). I've been getting tattooed since I was 18, but it's only in my 30s that I'm getting super into it now that I have the money and am getting work by high quality artists. I have about 70 hours of work at the moment.
It is mainly about the aesthetic. I like how being heavily tattooed looks, and I always have. It makes me happy to see tattoos on my body. The more I get, the more I want to fill in the empty skin. I don't particularly care about showing them to other people, and most of my work isn't visible in my regular clothing. It's just something that makes me feel good.
I also have a lot of admiration for tattoos as a craft. There are artists out there doing work that takes an incredible amount of skill and dedication on the part of both the artist and client. It's fun to collect pieces that highlight different artists' style and talents.
As far as regrets, I don't have any true ones. I recognize that some of my earlier work isn't the best quality or that I didn't pick the best artist for it. Instagram has really changed tattooing and made it easy to find an artist whose style is really what you're after. I give artists a lot more freedom now and choose people whose work looks like what I want. The results are much better. But my old work is part of me. Much of it has been there for essentially my entire adult life, and I'm used to it. I sometimes wish I could have the space back to do things that are more in line with my current tastes, but that's about it. I might eventually cover one or two, but I've never considered removing any.
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Comment on What are some high protein vegan foods that don't try to emulate meat? in ~food
parenthesis LinkLong time vegan here! I'd suggest avoiding most premade products and looking for dishes that are traditionally vegetarian/vegan if you don't like meat substitutes. It's also totally okay to eat...Long time vegan here! I'd suggest avoiding most premade products and looking for dishes that are traditionally vegetarian/vegan if you don't like meat substitutes. It's also totally okay to eat carbs! Carbs are filling and delicious and most of them do have some protein. Whole grain versions tend to have a bit more protein than refined carbs. Fat is also super important for keeping you feeling full.
Some of my favourite higher protein foods are lentils and beans. I use them for things like Indian curries (served with rice or flatbread), tacos/burritos/burrito bowls, and soups. If you can find frozen shelled edamame, they're an easy addition to stir fries and very high in protein. I like just adding them to whatever veggie stir fry I'm making and serving over rice, and they're also great in noodle salads. Nuts are also a great source of protein. Using peanut sauce or adding peanuts to stir fries is great. There's also a ton of recipes for creamy sauces using a cashew base if you're into that.
If you don't like chewy tofu, then you can also use it in other ways! You can make "eggy" dishes like this quiche https://ohsheglows.com/2013/08/27/sun-dried-tomato-mushroom-and-spinach-tofu-quiche/ I also use crumbled tofu seasoned with herbs and lemon as a ricotta substitute in lasagna.
If you like coarse soybean flour but aren't into the texture, I'd suggest finding dishes where it's not the star. My favourite dumplings right now are https://chejorge.com/2020/07/21/pan-fried-dumplings/) and I also just made a batch of Korean mung bean pancakes based on Maangchi's recipe subbing TVP in for pork with great success.
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Comment on What games have you been playing, and what's your opinion on them? in ~games
parenthesis LinkA friend and I just finished Children of Morta. It was a fun enough way to hang out, but I didn't love the game. I found the story confused and the narration was mostly written in passive voice,...A friend and I just finished Children of Morta. It was a fun enough way to hang out, but I didn't love the game. I found the story confused and the narration was mostly written in passive voice, which was very odd. The gameplay was fun, but the difficulty curve felt off. We found the beginning of the game quite challenging and then suddenly during the second world it got very easy. I suppose there is meant to be progression in a roguelike, but it felt abrupt to in this game.
I also just started playing Forager. It is SO addictive. It's the kind of game where you start playing then look up and 2 hours have passed. It reminds me a lot of Stardew Valley with a bit less charm. I definitely see myself sinking a bunch of mindless hours into this title.
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Comment on Does anybody here use a wake up light? in ~health
parenthesis LinkI'm probably not using it quite as you're meant to since I also sleep with the blinds open, but I've used one for many years. It helps especially on cloudy days or days when I have to wake up...I'm probably not using it quite as you're meant to since I also sleep with the blinds open, but I've used one for many years. It helps especially on cloudy days or days when I have to wake up before sunrise.
The light on its own doesn't always wake me up fully. I have mine set to a birdsong alarm, which starts off super quiet, in addition to the light. I'm a light sleeper, so the quiet birdsong plus the light wakes me up in a pretty peaceful way. I don't mind the sound even after all these years (and I sure do hate being startled awake by traditional alarm clocks and phone alarms).
Mine is a Phillips model I bought in 2012 for under $100 CAD. I believe it was the most basic one they had at the time.
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Comment on What games have you been playing, and what's your opinion on them? in ~games
parenthesis LinkI started playing Celeste over the weekend, and so far I'm really into it. I am NOT good at platformers (I'm three chapters in with over 700 deaths), but I've found this game feels good to play...I started playing Celeste over the weekend, and so far I'm really into it. I am NOT good at platformers (I'm three chapters in with over 700 deaths), but I've found this game feels good to play regardless. When I die, I can usually see how it's my fault, and the game feels fair. It's frustrating enough to feel great when I succeed, but not so much that I want to quit. I'm just getting through the chapters and only going for a handful of strawberries each time, so I also really appreciate the game itself telling me it's okay not to be completionist.
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Comment on Ahoy vegans; do you make yourself breakfast every morning? If so, what is it? in ~food
parenthesis LinkMy usual go to breakfast in the summer is also overnight oats. @mat covered it pretty well! My favourite is peanut butter with a little maple syrup and some chia seeds for texture. Museli with...My usual go to breakfast in the summer is also overnight oats. @mat covered it pretty well! My favourite is peanut butter with a little maple syrup and some chia seeds for texture.
Museli with vegan milk or yogurt is also a pretty solid option. Store bought ones often have a lot of sugary dried fruits, but you could make your own without or with less.
I'm also really into ful medames for breakfast. There's a lot of variations, but I make it with a can of fava beans with some olive oil, sauteed garlic, cumin, and a dash of cayenne with some lemon juice added after cooking it down for a few minutes. I serve mine with crusty bread and olive oil, but you could eat it with GF bread or veggies (tomatoes and cucumbers would be good I imagine!).
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Comment on Tildes User Income Survey in ~finance
parenthesis LinkWelp I messed up and put my income in CAD instead of USD. It would have been nice to have that warning in the text of the survey! That said, I'm doubtful that converting would give an accurate...Welp I messed up and put my income in CAD instead of USD. It would have been nice to have that warning in the text of the survey! That said, I'm doubtful that converting would give an accurate representation of my purchasing power/income percentile. I suspect the conversion would make me look a little worse off than I actually am.
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Comment on What is the size of your smartphone? in ~tech
parenthesis LinkI have a Huawei p20 which has a 5.8" screen. It's WAY bigger than I wanted when I was shopping for a phone, but I ended up compromising. I have medium-size hands, and I don't find it very...I have a Huawei p20 which has a 5.8" screen. It's WAY bigger than I wanted when I was shopping for a phone, but I ended up compromising.
I have medium-size hands, and I don't find it very comfortable to use with one hand. Sticking a little phone strap on the back has helped tremendously though, and I can use it one-handed with that.
Having a bigger screen has grown on me despite having some downsides, and I don't regret getting a bigger phone than I set out to.
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Comment on How much actual work do you do in a day? in ~life
parenthesis LinkHow much I work varies a ton from day to day. Some days I just have to respond to a few emails and spend the rest of the day chatting with coworkers, reading news vaguely related to my work, or...How much I work varies a ton from day to day. Some days I just have to respond to a few emails and spend the rest of the day chatting with coworkers, reading news vaguely related to my work, or just straight up browsing. Other days I'm busy all day and put in a full 8 hours, or on rare occasions have to do a 12+ hour day where I'm actually working the whole time. I also often do facilitate workshops outside the office, in which case I'm working the whole time I'm there.
That said, my work environment is pretty chaotic and full of interruptions, so tasks that might take me 20 minutes at home can take hours in the office. If I worked from home or a quieter place, I could get the desk job parts of my work done in 8-10 hours most weeks, and I normally work 32 hours a week.
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Comment on American asking - how does your country's healthcare system perform for you? in ~health
parenthesis Link ParentAnother Canadian here! Overall I also really like our system, and I generally don't worry too much about my health costs. I live in Quebec, and we do have government provided prescription drug...Another Canadian here! Overall I also really like our system, and I generally don't worry too much about my health costs.
I live in Quebec, and we do have government provided prescription drug insurance here. It's only open to people who don't have private drug insurance through work/school. We pay a copay for drugs, but it maxes out at around $90 per month, so if you're on an expensive treatment, it's still reasonably affordable. The premium cost comes out of your taxes, so it varies depending on your income. People under 18 and people on social assistance don't pay for drugs. It's fairly good system, and I like knowing that if I do ever need expensive medications, it won't bankrupt me.
Lots of people in Quebec don't have a family doctor, and the wait lists for one are absurdly long. I'm honestly not sure if it's worse here than other places, but we do like to complain about it. However, there are lots of walk-in clinics, including some that will give you an appointment so you don't have to wait around for hours, so routine care is fairly accessible.
I wish things like dental and vision were covered by the government. Lots of people get coverage for them through their employer, but my workplace doesn't offer health insurance, so I find myself limiting how much I access those things.
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Comment on What are the best science fiction short stories, novellas, and novelettes you have ever read? in ~books
parenthesis LinkMeanwhile, Elsewhere is one of my favourite sci fi anthologies. All of the stories are by different trans authors. It's a mixed bag in terms of quality, but I really loved a lot of the stories. I...Meanwhile, Elsewhere is one of my favourite sci fi anthologies. All of the stories are by different trans authors. It's a mixed bag in terms of quality, but I really loved a lot of the stories. I especially highly recommend it to anyone who's trans!
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Comment on What book had a most unexpected twist you really didn't see coming? in ~books
parenthesis LinkFor me it was The Traitor Baru Cormorant. In a sense the ending wasn't a twist because you're sort of told what will happen (I mean the title itself is a big hint!). But I realized that I was in...For me it was The Traitor Baru Cormorant. In a sense the ending wasn't a twist because you're sort of told what will happen (I mean the title itself is a big hint!). But I realized that I was in the same kind of denial about how the book would end as the protagonist was. I haven't read many books whose endings have crushed me like the end of that one did.
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Comment on What do you do when your favourite game goes to shit? in ~games
parenthesis Link ParentA few things season 7 has: flying around in planes smashing builds and third partying with impunity; an OP sword that spawns in a set location where everyone now lands and dies before the first...A few things season 7 has: flying around in planes smashing builds and third partying with impunity; an OP sword that spawns in a set location where everyone now lands and dies before the first circle; massive lag when you kill the last player, to the point where you wonder if lost every time; poor optimization, sound issues, and other fun bugs.
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Comment on What do you do when your favourite game goes to shit? in ~games
parenthesis LinkI don't have a great solution, but I wanted to commiserate as I'm in a similar situation with Fortnite! And I stopped playing WoW during Legion, but that was also a big change for me as it's by...I don't have a great solution, but I wanted to commiserate as I'm in a similar situation with Fortnite! And I stopped playing WoW during Legion, but that was also a big change for me as it's by far the game I've sunk the most hours into, and to this day is still the only game I've really felt at home in.
One thing that's sort of helped me is playing with friends. I've been playing a lot of Fortnite season 7 even though I don't like the changes because I have a friend who's really into it. Playing with someone more casual helps me take the stuff I don't like a bit less seriously.
Otherwise, generally when I stop being into a game I've put a lot of time into, time is what eventually makes it better! The good old days feeling never comes back, but eventually a new game comes along, and the cycle starts again. In the interim, I do other stuff or play single player games.
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Comment on Genderqueer/gender bender/genderfuck fashion in ~lgbt
parenthesis Link ParentFair enough for the nails! I feel pretty blessed for not being disposed to picking and for having strong nails. And that sounds like such a nice moment! It's always good when strangers surprise...Fair enough for the nails! I feel pretty blessed for not being disposed to picking and for having strong nails. And that sounds like such a nice moment! It's always good when strangers surprise you like that.
My pronoun is they/them. Yourself?
Thank you for sharing too! I've often had the same experience talking about my past. More feelings will come when you're ready, and it's worth it even when it's hard. Take care!