ADHD and TODO lists

I don't have ADHD.

I got introduced to time management in a workshop my freshman year in college. Since then I have been torturing myself with unfinished to-do lists like you have. :-)

An interesting concept is the "unschedule" from the book "The Now Habit" by Dr. Neil Fiore. You don't plan out your day, but you do make a blank schedule and fill in how you used your time. The book has other interesting out of the box concepts too. Disclaimer: none of them had me into a diligent to-do list completer.

Over many years, as a gift, my problems with to-do lists have softened. Some of it is just a better attitude with mysterious origins. Some of it is often repeated experiences.

1. I have really accepted that I can't do everything in a day - even if it fits on a schedule.
2. Some of #1 isn't estimating the time it takes to do things accuratley
3. I have also accepted that not every time slot is the same as the other. Yes, I have a half hour at 11:00 PM to study Hegelian philosophy, but I will not want to at that time of day. I will be legitimately tired. I will legitimately need a break. Other things during the say will have put me into a mood not conducive to that. Accepting that just because the time is there, doesn't mean the time is there has helped a lot.
4. Having 1-3 firmly established in myself I prioritize my tasks. My refrigerator is empty, so I am going to use my time after work to buy groceries rather than reading Hegel. If I can get Hegel done, great. If not, oh well. I have food for tomorrow.
5. It is easier to start things by genuinely promising myself I only have to do it for 5 minutes, then I can stop guilty free. Nine times out of 10 just getting my feet wet is enough to get me to stay in the pool.
6. It helps to be honest with myself about what I want to do right now, what I want in the future. Is this task important to my wants? If not, can I blow it off without harm? If it is, being aware of the emotions sometimes helps. "Yah I'd rather be reading Hegel, but I want to have groceries to eat".

None of that will make you into a perfect to-do list keeper.

It helps me get some value out of to-do lists instead of zero value.

Again. I don't have ADHD. I mention that as your ADHD might not be the only source of your problems using to-do lists.

Good luck.

My wife has self-diagnosed herself with ADHD, so take that for what you will. She finds herself in a similar situation. One thing we have found helps her out, is when I get home from work we tell each other three positive things we did that day. Doesn't matter how small they are, just that they were positive.

Her having to think about what positive things she accomplished has apparently helped her be more forgiving towards herself when she doesn't accomplish everything on her to do list for that day.

Thanks for sharing, I live with ADHD, don't have a partner currently. I also recently (about 90 days ago) medication mgmt, and decent mental health support.

I hear that having more tasks on your to-do list than you can get don't in a day, knowing /seeing they're not complete makes you feel anxious, sad, and ashamed - and this is compounded by your partner judging you for her expectations of you.

This sounds challenging, even when taking the time to work on self-compassion it can be hard to summon when it is needed most.

I have my good days and my bad days; medication mgmt has helped with more good than bad, but life still happens.

Something I've done for myself, even though it is cheesey, is that I've set up a morning ritual, that includes making some nice coffee and 'writing (logging the date, weather, moon phase, tides)' a journal entry, then my 3 tasks for the day. There can be less, but no more than 3 (because I know I'm going to get distracted doing something else at some point) so I don't overwhelm myself.

These can have sub-tasks (groceries stores to go to and the list of items, doing laundry might have sheets and clothes, etc) but I don't try to go too crazy.

Then put these in "dedicated" spots of time during the day more as reminders that "I'm doing x thing at y time for z long." Even if it is nothing more than logging this, often it is a short opportunity for me to stream of conscious out what my priorities are and maybe a slight plan; this doesn't always happen but when it does it's nice.

I got have a physical planner and a bunch of nice pens in different colors, so I enjoy writing out my priorities for the day and my schedule during my morning ritual; I then transfer these over into my phones calendar, with reminders, and a to-do widget on the home screen (so I see the thing and check it off).

This is all well and good if I'm not in a dis-regulated state - then all that goes out the window; honestly that's the whole reason I began seeking medication management support (ADHD + Depression).

Getting back 'on track' is a challenge at these times (but recently I have felt more resilient towards outside stressors), because doing my morning stuff makes me feel more prepared, and general 'better' daily emotional state, and makes it easier to keep doing.

It took me a while to get in the habit of the morning ritual, and really that's the key, trying to get it be 'this is what I do when I wake up' rather than 'I have to do this when I wake up' (which for a bit or if I'm not feeling good is where I'm at mentally )has made it easier to get through day to day.

All that to say - it took me many years of trial and error to find something that works for me; I knew it takes me longer to get stuff done so I wake up earlier and make a small plan (along with other things that help me start my day) that feels manageable to me.

I believe there are many ways to what works for you as there are brains. Maybe some of the things that work for me may for you ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ; I just want to say I recognize the struggle, believe there is something that may work.

I know I am very fortunate to have decent mental health support to get me to where I am today. I hope that you're able to get support and if anything I said could be helpful or needs clarifying please do not hesitate to ask.

Edit1: not at a cpu rn, but I'll come back and clean this up because my thumbs can't type for beans.
Edit2: Finally cleaned it up some (sorry, got distracted with other things, shocking I know).

Oh, I solved this one years ago! Also have ADHD btw.

I keep two to-do lists.

I have a mid-to-long term to-do list where I throw stuff like "paint living room." It can get done when it gets done but I should probably do it at some point. This list is a piece of notebook paper that hangs on my fridge.

My other list is the daily list, which I make new every day. I first put tasks in chronological order if possible, and then in order of priority if a definite timeline isn't possible.

I know the stuff at the bottom is my extra "if I have time stuff." I know it doesn't get done a lot of days. So at the end of every day, I sort what's left into three categories:

1. Not going to get done. Wasn't that important in the first place.

2. Needs to be moved to tomorrow to-do list.

3. Moved to the long-term to-do list.

When I make my daily list, if I find that I have a light day ahead of me, I will pick up one of my mid-to-long term tasks.

Especially if I have a couple of light days, I'll make deals with myself. Like, I can brainrot and play video games Sunday afternoon as long as I paint the living room Saturday. That usually works. If it doesn't, I follow through and paint on Sunday, denying myself the reward or hurrying so I can maybe still sneak it in.

Edit: Should add that I'm medicated now, but this method worked during a 7+ year break I took from ADHD meds.

Most of the coping skills I developed were during the unmedicated period. ADHD is all about creating systems that don't rely on memory or motivation.

Here's something that blew my mind when I learned about it recently. It was the comment section of an Ask a Manager post: https://www.askamanager.org/2024/10/succeeding-at-work-if-youre-neurodivergent.html

First, there is the idea that we're all different, and what works for one person with ADHD will be the opposite of helpful for another. This idea was not new to me, but it's always good to reinforce it.

Second, though, was how many people who commented that they have to change systems every so often because the old one stops working for them. This was new to me. I always wondered why I kept trying to find a magic bullet, and I'd stick to it for a while and very sloooowly attempt to reinforce the habit, and then one day it would all come crashing down. I thought I could find one thing that worked for me and stay with it forever, and the previous systems were just ones that didn't fit me. But perhaps this wasn't the case after all.

(Incidentally, a lot of good suggestions in that whole comment section for different task management systems!)

I also struggle with executive dysfunction.

One thing I’ve been trying recently that may or may not help other people is what I call expectation journaling.

It’s more or less something I invented on my own to help myself. Someone may have come up with a similar idea independently, but AFAIK, there’s not any research about effectiveness.

The premise: Instead of writing what you want to get done in a day, or what you plan to get done, write what you expect to get done. This is fundamentally a predictive exercise. (I do it either evening of the day before or day of; it’s probably more helpful to do the day before.)

• If you write down a list of one thing and complete it, success.
• If you write that you believe you’ll spend all day on social media and you do, success.
• If you don’t write any list at all, that’s not a success.
• If you either fail to meet OR exceed your expecations, it’s a failure, but not because of your actions, but because your prediction was wrong.

I try not to actively hold myself to my predictions. I always will, just because by writing something down, you are more likely to do it (that’s part of the point of TODO lists). But it isn’t a moral failure if I don’t get my list done, it’s a predictive failure.

This system is intended to take advantage of the fact that if you decided something is important yesterday, you’ll probably think it’s important today. However, it also acknowledges (like many other comments have) that we often give ourselves too much to do because our expectations are super optimistic.

I began practicing expectation journaling to train myself to keep my expectations in line with my realistic ability. Note that the nature of this journal means it cannot replace hard requirements (where it is a moral failing if you don’t do something, like attend an important event), so I still use calendars, Most/Must prioritization, and other time management tools if I really need to do something on a specific day.

I also write down how long (in a range) I expect time-flexible events and tasks to take and how I expect to feel doing certain tasks (e.g., fear, excitement, anxiety) in the spirit of Cope Ahead from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (by knowing an emotion is coming, you can be prepared to deal with it).

Let me know if you try this! Whether it helps you or not. Might publish a longer piece about this if it’s actually helpful to others.

I am a bit late to the party, but do feel I have a bit more to contribute that has not been mentioned yet.

Potential hot take: Anybody who claims to have solved it with a single method either doesn't have ADHD or hasn't truly solved it.

Slightly milder take: I have met few people with ADHD who have been able to stick to a single system. A lot of them feel guilty about it, which I think is the wrong mindset.

That doesn't mean I don't have a grip on things, it just means that I approach the solution a bit differently.

I have made peace with the fact that a system sometimes stops working for me. The system that works for me is that I have trained myself to be aware enough of this happening and figuring out a system to switch to. Basically tricking the ADHD part of my brain that gets excited about new things by offering it a new system to do the same things.

I wrote about it a while ago as well. And, sure enough, the system I mentioned there has morphed into something else now. Although I still use aspects of it, as simply writing down my thoughts on physical paper does help me as a pre-filter for whatever todo system I am using. Basically, the smaller notebook now has been replaced with something else.

One thing to note here is that you don't always need to invent new systems. Once a system hasn't been used for a while, my brain will have largely forgotten about it and be happy to use it again for a while. So I always have a bunch of sticky notes available, always a few notebooks on hand, etc. Because I know that plastering my monitor with sticky notes is something that can work for a while.

I just accept that not everything on ANY list I make ever will get done. I write my list in a note app on my phone and I don't share it with my wife... I don't hide it or anything... and I usually never look at it again after that day.

I tell my partner about my successes that day and if she says "I wish you had gotten this thing done" then... Idk, sorry I started doing other things. At this point in the relationship she isn't happy with me exactly but she knows what to expect.

As far as actually completing tasks goes, I sometimes set timers. Even though I have privacy concerns about it being in my house... I use an Alexa thing to do this so that I dont get sidetracked on my phone. For example, I'll set a timer for 10 minutes and go so chores for 10 minutes. Then I'll set a timer for 20 minutes and do something I want to do that's not productive.

I typically just make a to-do list with the Internet of finishing stuff on it within the week. Generally just pick a couple of things a day, honestly what I know I can manage. Anything more after that is a nice bonus. Doesn't always happen ofc.

I find using this https://goblin.tools/ can help break down some barriers.

I have ADHD and I've solved this one for myself (note: everyone's ADHD manifests differently so your mileage may vary). These often recommended things did not work for me:

• having multiple to-do lists for different priorities takes too much focus as I have to be actively managing them whenever priorities change, leaving less time and focus for actually doing the things,
• predicting what you'll get done in a day and limiting the list accordingly is simply not feasible - humans are bad at predicting this even without ADHD and I have an exceptionally complex work environment on top of that.

My first working version was in Notion. Brief description:

• ONE single to-do list where I insert everything I can possibly imagine that needs to be done in my future life.
• The list is in a synced block that appears in my daily memo file. A new file is automatically created every day.
• When I feel anxious about my tasks, I spend a moment rearranging the tasks into order of priority. Then I start doing the most important task. Once a task is done, I drag it out of the synced block into another area on the daily file. This creates a list of tasks that I actually got done for each day. The remaining ones will automatically appear on the next day's memo. Over time I get a better idea of what I can expect to do in one day.

The list gets so long so fast that my brain learned that it's not meant to ever get completely done. I don't even see most of the list without scrolling - only the beginning with the most important tasks. I don't have to have any restraint when it comes to adding new tasks, which means adding them can be done without expending mental energy. The only time I actually focus on the list is when rearranging, and that's productive because it immediately alleviates my task-related anxiety.

Nowadays I have a more elaborate system running in Obsidian. It isn't as easy to describe but the main difference is that I'm now dividing my tasks into several different notes/categories across two different vaults: one for work tasks, one for everyday life. I have several QuickAdd commands with keyboard shortcuts that allow me to insert new tasks in the appropriate notes and with the needed parameters so quickly that my focus doesn't break off from whatever I'm actually doing. This has allowed me to list even more tasks and in a more granular way than was ever possible with Notion where inserting is a more cumbersome.

I then have queries that bring up collections of tasks according to what I want to see. I use the Tasks plugin that automatically time stamps a task when I mark it done, and my daily note has a query that collates every done task from that day. I have even less anxiety now because I get to mark even smaller scale tasks done, which means I'll have produced a decently sized list at the end of each day.

TLDR: whatever you can do that helps you focus on what you've accomplished, rather than what hasn't been done yet, will help tremendously.

My approach is to limit myself to a set number of items that can go on the list. For example, I pick three things I can reasonably accomplish in the day and put them on an index card. They're my top priorities or, if I'm just not feeling it, achievable with little energy. I also like to make a note of how long I think it will take vs how long it took me.

If I do something that wasn't on the list, I add it and cross it off. Might not be planned but it's what my brain was willing to engage in (or that came up) and it still got done.

The main thing is striving to have compassion with myself and to work with my brain instead of chastising it for being different or difficult.

I (not diagnosed, but my struggles align strongly with those I hear of from ADHDers) use Google Keep notes for my to-do list at work. My strategy has been to make a loose list for next week on Friday, with each day as a heading item and with tasks under some of the days if I've planned any. After the Friday heading and sublist is one I've called "add to next week," which holds all of the things I hope to do soon-ish, and some things that I'm pretty sure I won't get to, even next week.

So each day I arrive at work and start working on anything truly time-sensitive from that day's list, unless there's a new fire to put out first (which there almost always is). If I get done (or bored) with a task, I check it off. If it wasn't completed, I make a copy of it to add to a later day or the next week catchall, and change the original to reflect that I did some work, e.g. "Fix widget design" becomes "Work on fixing widget design." If a task not on my list gets put on me, I add it to the list when I'm done putting out the fire and check it off immediately. This way I have a record of what I actually accomplished each day in case I'm ever asked about a delay in some project. But also it gives me a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day to see what all I got done. Then, at the end of the week, I copy the whole list and rename the copy with the dates of next week and archive the current one. I delete all the done tasks from the individual days, move some stuff from "add to next week" to some individual days as I see fit, and repeat the whole process next week.

I am zealous about not accepting guilt (from myself) about moving things from today's list to tomorrow's, and from tomorrow's to next week's. The list is to help me stay organized-esque™, but I do not serve it. It is a tool to help me make sure that ideas and tasks don't fall off the face of the earth; it is not a micromanaging boss.

Huge caveat: my workload is often very self-directed, with occasional interruptions for the aforementioned fires I have to put out a few times a day. My boss is generally happy that I'm making progress on something, and keeping the fires to a low smolder.

Hope this helps someone!

If you make a to do list, start by putting something on it that you've already done (no matter how small). It's silly, but it genuinely gives you a little boost to help get other things done.

As for the list itself, everyone is different, but for me personally, "getting started" is what I struggle with the most. Once I've begun something, it's often more difficult for me to stop than it is to press on. For that reason, making it as simple as possible to start a task is the priority.

If any of that is true of you as well, try only putting one thing on the list at a time. Tidying a messy room is difficult because you don't even know where to start, so the trick is just to focus on tidying one area and then the next. You should have your to-do list function the same way.

If you want a to-do list that provides you an overview in order to help with time management, make that a separate to-do list rather than the one you're currently working through.

I think the best two answers in here are @TonesTones and @creesch, especially creesch's point about expecting your systems to fall apart and need adjusting. That's a big part of what I've found managing my ADHD - rotating through systems as the novel impact wears off.

Some things that work for me:

1. Multiple lists. I have a big long list of stuff I eventually want to get done. The occasional to-do list for the day that I try to keep SHORT, VERY SHORT, so I might actually complete it. Then a separate grocery list. The key piece here is I know I frequently forget about/miss items on the to-do list and that's okay. Getting comfortable with that piece and abandoning guilt is huge.
2. If you like calendars (many people with ADHD hate them), blocking time for specific chores and tasks there so you both get a reminder and prevent other things from being booked in over top of them.
3. Post-it notes and written notes. These very quickly lose impact for me but occasionally I spring them.
4. Asking my wife to remind me to do things (I try to limit this one so it doesn't feel naggy).
5. Making space for fun activities throughout the day in short bursts. Once I accepted that letting myself game for a lunch break (I work from home) actually makes me feel better and thus more productive and doesn't make me a lazy piece of trash, my life improved dramatically.

I don't have ADHD, but my wife does. She has used some of the systems at Organize365 . Apparently the person running it has recently come to an ADHD diagnosis of her own, so she has started to shift into that space. Although her main offerings were developed before the ADHD diagnosis, my wife said the Organize365 systems "made sense to her" and helped her when she was able to stick with them, which wasn't always.