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Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (November 2025)
This is a monthly thread for those who need it. Vent, share your experiences, ask for advice, talk about how you are doing. Let's make this a compassionate space for all who may need one.
I'm a furloughed US federal employee. Which means I haven't worked in a month. By next, weekend, it'll be a month since I last had a paycheck.
Financially, I've been OK. I don't have 6mo of savings, but it's like 3mo. Which is like 3mo more than what most people have. Sure, I'll be tightening the belt starting this month. Like only making min payments on credit cards. Watching the grocery bill closer. But I can last at least a couple more months. And even after that, I have options. Not great options, but options nonetheless. I'm not in danger of becoming homeless or not being able to eat or anything like that anytime soon. I know there are other feds, especially lower grade GSs and/or those with families, who are having a harder time with the loss of income. Especially those who are "essential employees" and are working but not getting paid at all.
And on the side of the public, SNAP benefits are are gone or reduced. Head Start programs for preschoolers are shutting down. And travel is being disrupted due to ATC and TSA staffing shortages.
So all things considered, I personally will be alright.
Which means the selfish side of me is like, "Well, this is what the People voted for. You reap what you sew." Which is a bit fucked up, right?
I don't want people to suffer. I don't want to suffer. But I also don't know what else is going to get through to people. That hey, the government is important. Voting is important. Who you vote for is important. Knowledge and education on elections and candidates is important. Where you get that knowledge is important.
So yeah. In this weird headspace of "Man, we need to reopen the government so people can get paid," while also entertaining, "Ha, no. Democrats, you just keeping hold your ground. This country FAFO'd. They (we) get to find out what that means. Now they (we) get to take responsibility for their (our) actions or inactions."
All that to say: I'm tired, boss.
Sorry to hear that, friend. I’m with you on the frustration. Like I want people to find out exactly what they voted for, but there are so many innocent people that didn’t vote for this that will suffer all the same.
I obviously don’t know your financial situation besides what you posted here, but just wanted to chime in to be careful with that. Credit cards are notorious for having absurdly high rates that they love to charge the second you don’t pay in full. Unsolicited financial advice here so feel free to disregard but I would maybe see if you can apply for (or are already pre-qualified for) any credit card with a 0-APR introductory period. That way you can safely make the minimum payments on that specific card for 6/12/15/18 months without worrying about getting shafted by fees while you wait for that eventual paycheck.
Good luck and hope things get resolved soon!
Today marks three years from the last time I took a drink. I can’t believe the life I’m living today compared to then. My circumstances haven’t changed, but I have. I feel joy and awe, and pain and disappointment, and I’m grateful for it all. I’m no longer filled with so much self loathing that I isolate myself because I’m afraid of being seen. I no longer spend hours in bed comforting myself with suicidal thoughts. I’ve made a couple of friends. I got invited to go camping, and I said yes, and it was socially scary and sometimes uncomfortable, and sometimes I panicked, but I knew those feelings would pass and wouldn’t have to define the experience. I had a good time! And I’m still friends with them! My children joke with me again and include me and want to hang out with me. I’m present more often than not in my life, and I can’t believe it took me this long to finally live it.
I'm really so proud of you for all you've managed
I so happy for you! And your children will not just get time back with you, but have your example of resilience, that if they ever go through hard times, they can look to you as inspiration to make changes with hope.
Hey that sounds awesome! Was it like an immediate shift or more gradual?
Definitely more gradual. My inner dialogue was a gang of bullies, and when they weren’t beating the crap out of me, I got obsessive thoughts of horrific images. Those things still happen, but they are not incessant, and I’m able to pull up more quickly to an even keel. I started a journal of good memories/things. Old ones, new ones, I started writing them down, and when the thoughts would come, I’d read what I wrote, or think about them, try to visualize them. That helped a lot at the beginning. I did find that my brain can corrupt anything, so eventually, I had to find something else. But it let me know that that crap was INTERRUPTIBLE. Anyway, it’s been a journey, one I’m still on.
i’m starting to realize that i don’t experience a lot of joy with other people, even when i think i should or recognize that the situation is jovial or beautiful.
one example is that i used to love meeting up with friends over drinks or dinner and we’d spend the evening laughing or having meaningful conversations. over the past 2-3 years there’s just been like an invisible wall getting thicker and thicker preventing me from fully enjoying myself (with others).
another example: i went to a very close friend’s wedding recently and it was objectively beautiful and full of happiness but i didn’t feel it in my body, if that makes sense. it was just something i did because i know it would make my friend happy.
in both of these examples i know i am interacting with people normally (normally for me, at least) but im finding myself putting on the emotions i wish i was having. it just feels exhausting and unfair to my friends.
it’s like the “highs” are now just neutral/ok and the lows are low but never awful. it’s exclusively in relation to socializing. i heard a term “social anhedonia” and don’t know if that is a real thing but it felt right.
i still really enjoy things i do alone, like hobbies i love watching movies and tv. i laugh regularly at dumb jokes or tear up at emotional movies. i love interacting with my pet, she makes me laugh (cats are weird) and also makes me irritated (dragging her dirty butt on a new white(!) rug or eating my plants to death). i just can’t find those emotions with other people anymore.
it’s open enrollment again in the US for health insurance so once i figure that out i am going to get back into therapy again. i’ve almost always found it helpful. maybe it will help me work through this. i miss connecting with other people, i don’t want to be this way.
I read what you wrote and thought, "Are you me?" I am sorry you are feeling that, but boy, I can relate.
I have always had trouble with a kind of aversion to social situations, but I was pretty good at managing it. Work went abruptly, fully remote during the pandemic. I barely left the house (except grocery shopping every ten days) for almost a year. Even though we were sporadically back in office in 2022 and after, I have realized that my default mode is now to be home, and everything else feels like work / a performance I think in those years at home, I really lost tone in that mental muscle.
I'm interviewing for a job that will be fully in office, and I'm both scared and excited because I think that will be good for me to regain some of the connectedness I had before. Or I will run screaming because it's too peoply outside. But I try to remain optimistic.
I hope you find therapy that resonates with you and brings you to a better place.
Is this more or less prevalent with certain people or really the same no matter the people involved? I am asking because it is also possible to outgrow a group of friends in certain stages of life or certain activities with friends.
I also have friends who are very dear to me, but in doses so to speak.
What you could do is possibly explore how you like doing different things with people outside your current friend group. Combining it with things you would not do with your current friends.
Of course, talking to a therapist is also a very valid option. I just figured I'd suggest some things you can explore on your own.
my situation is seemingly with everyone at the moment. i have moved around a lot in the past few years -- a couple of different states in the US -- so all of my friends would be brand new (excluding the friend who got married in my example scenario).
i do think i will try different means in which to meet new people, as i just moved to another new city for work. normally i use a combination of apps, dating, and reddit to meet people but i'm thinking i might try hobby-groups, volunteering, or music-related things. those are always the things i swear i'm going to try when i move again but never do because of social anxiety.
part of my disconnect is that i don't often feel like i have things that are important to me in common with people. as time moves forward, it seems like i move farther and farther away from my current friends and new people.
not sure if that's quite what you meant in your reply but that's what came to mind. i certainly don't blame other people for the level of disconnect i feel. it's definitely something i need to figure out as i do want to foster my desire to connect with people.
thank you for the suggestions!!
Ah, yeah. If it is that broad, I feel like having a therapist to talk it through with could be good. Even more so because you express still wanting to connect with people. Good luck in that area :)
I hope you get to kick your social anxieties butt and get to explore those things!
It could be that interests are shifting. But, it can also be that it is a feeling and not necessarily how other people experience it either. Personally, I often struggled with this is for a long time, still do to a point. What did help me with feeling connected with other people again is realizing that to feel a connection, people don't need to have the same things in common with me. As long as they show an interest when talking about these things. The situation might be different for you, it probably is in various ways. But, I figured I'd still share the perspective in case it does help in some way.
What comes to mind is what is important here I feel like, I am just interpreting from across a screen over text anyway ;) It does happen to be the direction I was thinking about as well.
Got my Dx for AuDHD. I mean I kinda knew this whole time and people kept telling me "maybeeee you have..." But now that its properly confirmed I'm part of the club now, yayy.
i’ve been thinking about doing this as well. i’ve already been diagnosed with adhd but over the past 5ish years i’ve started to wondering if i was on the autism spectrum. if you feel like publicly commenting on it, what led you to making the decision to get evaluated (if that is even the correct terminology)?
It started when I instantly clicked with a coworker upon meeting them for the first time. After a few weeks of chatting they go "sooo dont take this the wrong way but have you ever been diagnosed for Neuro divergence ?" And proceeded to list countless observations and connections plus they were on ND themselves. So I said "fuck it, let's get tested why not" and eventually got in to see the doc and here we are.
Good job coworker :D
Did you go in already with either autism or ADHD or are both news to you?
Both are news to me! Ive never had any talks/evaluations before and this was my first attempt at figuring things out.
Haha welcome to the ND club :) it doesn't change all the ways in which you're awesome, but hopefully it offers some insights into where you might experience some confusion or difficulties, and be a way to help let others understand you better.
I might be coming out of the funk. Something happens to my brain when I’m in it where the days feel long and the weeks feel short, and this past week felt really long.
It also occurred to me that the reason I feel like shit is because Ive been drinking a bit much lately, lots of old friends are in town for various reasons and Ive been getting up with them and that always involves alcohol.
Terrible! Every morning is a gamble. I can be completely functional and productive one day, and be completely useless the next day. I can't control it.
One day I had a mildly traumatic dream, and I was stuck frightened the entire day and couldn't do anything.
I've been productive and stable enough the past three days. But last night, I went to have dinner with a friend. Then l a sense of Foreboding when I locked my front door.
And it kept getting worse as I walked on, by the time I got to my friend, I asked to find a quiet corner to rest in for a few while and I just ended up sobbing for a while. And I didn't even know why.
Every day I hope tomorrow is a good day. It is always a gamble.
I have deadlines to meet and I've asked for a one week extension. But even then it's a struggle.
Been there, it sucks. Kinda there now, come to think of it, but it's not quite as bad this time as it has been in the past.
No need to respond, but something to think about: on your productive and middling days, do you find yourself pushing to accomplish as much as possible in preparation for the bad days? It could be burnout, and you're not giving yourself sufficient time to recuperate.
Is the Fine Roulette somewhat recent? That sounds so frustrating....
As the more observant among you might have noticed, I've been feeling pretty weird over the last couple of weeks, and that's for absolutely no discernable reason at all, but I'm just waiting for that to go away
I've been wondering if the shorter days are just not a good time of the year for some of us :/ hopefully the "funk" lifts as suddenly as it came
To be fair, seasonal depression and other similar situations are absolutely a thing for some people. But I don't think this is the case right now for me, even though I live pretty north. I hope you will also feel better soon if you're affected by seasonal darkness though! 💜
I've been assuming it's some kind of mix of tiny situational stuff compounding on top of each other + some hormonal factor being out of whack. I should probably have a blood test soon, but them shits are expensive...
It might not be seasonal depression, or be a root cause. But it certainly can contribute. Highly anecdotal, but I recently replaced a bunch of light bulbs with ones of a higher lumen output (still on the warmer side but high cri and no flicker) and added a few extra lamps as well. Its either placebo or actually working as I since then have less issues feeling awake in the morning and I seem to fatigue less during the day.
So certainly not on the level of needing a sad light.
But certainly on the level of feeling slightly off.
I figured I'd share as it is easy enough to give a go. Even if it likely isn't a main cause, all little things help right?
Oh ugh I always forget stupid hormones can throw things outta whack :/ you're absolutely right I could be. Anyway yeah hope you figure it out or it just going away
We just had daylight savings (more like robbery!) today and yuck
Really need to change therapist due to differences. But haven't changed yet due me feeling bad or not wanting to disappoint him which is just laughable. But finally now wrote the mail to my old therapist asking her if she has capacity.
Very very annoyed with my insurance and have been calling them a lot and waiting for an answer from them.
This just leaves me powerless and this whole thing just sucks leaves me with 0 energy and it makes it hard to do anything.
Been trying to socialize more with limited sucess. Have been participating in a theater group which is nice.
What isn't so nice is me going to a queer space but even though I theoretically fit in (Trans / Somewhat NB / just an entity basically). It just felt really horrible the whole time I was there and it felt like I didn't fit in at all which really sucks and is really frustrating but that's okai.
I hope one day I will feel happy in my own skin and brain.
I hope it will get better. I hope I won't be suffering like this all my life. But we shall see.
I had a disastrously bad "therapist breakup". He called me, unscheduled, to demand to know why, and I had to spend 45min talking him up about how professional he is and how much good he'll do for others and how it's me I'm not ready whatever. I called the provincial health department and reported him.
But you know, if they're a good therapist, they'll be so proud of you for identifying what you want and being assertive for your well-being! And if they're bad, and take it personally, then good riddance :D and who cares what somebody like that thinks of you.
That sounds just absurd. I am sorry that you have to go through that.
Fitting in at the new job. Always anxious about getting cut or stepping in it over something stupid, but nothing like my old job, and one of the nice things about recently changing jobs is that you're not as invested in the location. Being a bit more of a homebody now that I can work from home, but driving to work, for work and back again was a lot of my day anyway. There's a game group at the library, I might jump in now that I have the time? Also kinda being a bit more of a lump, so I should do a bit more physical activity since I'm not running in between cars or in the garage so much.
Yay for fresh start at work! :) does your new job let you choose days of working from home?
I suppose if I wanted to work in the office, they'll let me, but it's been remote up to this point. I was invited to go in when I had an IT issue, but the work is pretty asynchronous, meaning as long as I work the hours and make meetings, I have a very flexible schedule. It's appreciated from my headspace, and I haven't forsaken routine completely yet, but I've played around with it a little to see what I like. It's also kinda tedious work, so break balancing is a little more difficult than it would be in an office.
Some memories resurfaced of me doing something... Well, not very good. Which is why I have therapy in less than two hours. I'm pretty sure my brain only decided to let them resurface after gaining the self love I have because I'm not sure I could cope with it otherwise.
Then there is my crush.
I'm pretty smitten by this point. And I'm fairly certain they know I'm at least interested. I suspect, though I won't know for sure any time soon, that they feel the same.
But one thing we both know is that we don't know yet whether we'll click irl, and it'll take awhile until we have the opportunity to meet. So that's something.