Hey Waves!

I've been wondering how other people discovered they were bi, or gay, or pan, or ace, or straight, or anything else. You can tell stories of your first crush, how things just 'felt right', anything.

Recently I have noticed something odd about my genitals, and believe I might be intersex of some sort (assigned male if it matters). The problem is that I don't know where to start researching and taking steps about it, so any help would be appreciated, especially if it is not US centric.

Hello.
I moderate a reddit sub with about 450 thousand people and we have had trouble with transgender people facing abuse from idiots in two different threads. In one of them, a woman chimed in and it got ugly (4 bans in the first 12 comments), in the other a trans woman took part and got shit for it (also featured a few users banned).

Now, each of them had a very different approach. The first got defensive and stopped participating, while the second took the time to respond to the stupid but not offensive ones, trying to educate them.

So even if this is something that bothers me a lot and makes considerably angry, I realised that maybe I should take a more nuanced view on this, and I should actually ask for more opinions on how to handle thiS, instead of simply applying my own standards and maybe making things worse and/or missing a chance to make things better. And since Tildes has always provided me with intelligent, thoughtful and interesting points of view and opinions, I thought this would be the best place for this question.

And so here I am, asking anyone that would care to give an opinion: what would a good moderator do? How harsh or lenient should we be with ignorant but not offensive comments? Should we get involved at all if the discussion is not offensive? What would make our sub a nicer place to everyone? Any other thoughts?

Thank you very much to all.

edit: here's a link to the original thread

While I was waiting at the doctors office, my friend (who I came out to a few days ago and has been very supportive) texted me that it was national coming out day. Funny coincidence.

The reason I was forced to come out to my mom is because my piece of shit car broke down at the informed consent clinic, and I had to call her to come help me, which required me to explain what I was doing downtown. She said she loved me no matter what, and was actually relieved because she was worried at first that my problem was drug-related. She said she was happy to have another daughter!

I'm happy I can finally start being my real self and I just wanted to share my experience. Thank you for reading.

I'm a teacher, and two years ago I had a student come out to me as trans. He recommended the book The Other Boy by M.G. Hennessey to me, saying that it was the first book he'd read that was about someone like himself. The same goes for another student with John Green & David Levithan's Will Grayson, Will Grayson. Another student this year shared a similar sentiment about Ivy Aberdeen's Letter to the World by Ashley Herring Blake.

I don't know how well-known this is outside of educators, but there has been a recent explosion of books for middle grade and young adult audiences that have openly queer characters and themes. When I was growing up we pretty much had only Annie on My Mind, and even then there was a good chance it wasn't stocked in the library. Now there are hundreds of books published each year and available in school libraries across the country.

This is great for two reasons:

1. I've had many students who have been able to read about characters that they can directly identify with.

2. I've had many students who do not identify as queer (to the best of my knowledge) read and empathize with these characters.

I can't say whether it's because of the books or if the books are simply an indicator of changing social norms, but I've watched acceptance of queer individuals of all types increase over my years in the profession.

Last week was Banned Books Week, and our librarian gave a small presentation to the students about why books get challenged or banned and gave some prominent examples. When she brought up Drama by Raina Telgemeier and mentioned that one of the reasons it was challenged was for "including LGBT characters," my class's response was audible shock. Ten years ago, the response would have been laughter or derision.

Students self-select books from the library for free reading, and I'm always checking in with them to see what they've picked. Right now, I have a student reading Alex Gino's George, one reading the aforementioned The Other Boy, and another reading The 57 Bus by Dashka Slater. I have no idea how these students identify, but honestly, it doesn't matter. The fact that they were able to check those books out and read them is pretty powerful to me. The fact that they chose them on their own is also pretty awesome. Nobody is making students read books about queer characters. They're choosing to!

In fact, one of my favorite things to hear from students about books like those is that they were "boring." Why? Well, because that's pretty much the default adolescent response to any book these days (let's be honest: it's hard for reading to compete with Fortnite), but mostly because it means the student is reading the story free from any prejudice. The book is not seen as inflammatory or controversial or even brave. It's just a story about any regular person--the kind that many kids often find, in this day and age, boring.

And, for someone who's spent a lot of his life having his identity made by others to be A Significant Issue, it turns out boring is a pretty cool thing to be.

So I was just browsing reddit absentmindedly, and I came across a subreddit called /r/egg_irl, which apparently is a subreddit for memes about transgender people who don't know they're transgender yet. I browsed it for a bit and related to most of the memes.

Over the past few days since then, I've been doing some research and soul searching now I'm pretty sure I'm a girl on the inside. I should probably schedule an appointment with a therapist or something.

Edit: Sorry for posting this thread then kinda ditching it for a few days. I was still kind of nervous to admit it anywhere but in my head and kind of chickened out on viewing the responses for a while. I know I don't know any of you but the kind words really mean a lot. Thank you.

The world needs more positivity. Do you have any positive stories from when you came out? Or maybe any positive experiences from being openly queer in general?

^{If you're still in the closet for whatever reason, that's perfectly alright!}

News article from the BBC: Chief Rabbi publishes first LGBT guide for orthodox schools

An adapted summary in the Jewish Chronicle: the Chief Rabbi's groundbreaking message to Orthodox schools on LGBT+ pupils

Background: Ephraim Mirvis is the Chief Rabbi of the United Hebrew Congregations of the Commonwealth. This guide therefore applies to all Jewish Orthodox schools in the Commonwealth (the United Kingdom, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, India, and so on).

• Article from Times of India: ‘Gay sex is not a crime,’ says Supreme Court in historic judgement

• Video from Times of India: LGBT community celebrates across the nation

• Article from NDTV: Section 377 Verdict Live Updates: "History Owes Apology To LGBT," Says Supreme Court

• Article from CNN: India's top court decriminalizes gay sex in landmark ruling

I was wondering if there were any fellow Waves that enjoyed dressing in a way that might confuse others on your gender, and if anybody had tips for others on how to blend masculine and feminine styles/presentation.

Definitions and sources on Genderfuck:

Genderfuck
Some nonbinary people may choose or need to present a 'clashing' combination of gender cues that are incongruous, challenging or shocking to those who expect others to fit the gender binary. For example, combining a beard with makeup and a padded bra. This practice of transgressively breaking the rules of gender presentation is known as genderfuck, genderfucking or sometimes genderpunk.
https://nonbinary.miraheze.org/wiki/Nonbinary#Genderfuck

Gender bender (also known as genderf*ck) is an informal term used to refer to a person who actively transgresses, or "bends," expected gender roles and presentation. This is usually achieved by combining masculine and feminine attributes in unexpected ways.
http://gender.wikia.com/wiki/Gender_Bender