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    11. Trans identity and the gender binary

      Ask
      Hi! I would like to take a moment to expand my understanding of an aspect of queer culture that I have some trouble with. I'd like to preface this by saying that, while I consider myself to be...

      Hi! I would like to take a moment to expand my understanding of an aspect of queer culture that I have some trouble with. I'd like to preface this by saying that, while I consider myself to be queer in the broader sense, I also pass as a cishet male. That being said, I'm going to express myself honestly in the hopes that someone will be able to give me an honest to what might read as bigoted. Putting everything else in a detail box:

      Questions on the 'validity' of trans identity Basically - I understand gender to be social construct based on expected roles for biological males and females undertake in a traditional society. While there is some validity to the stereotypes on a biological level, I figure that most people should be able to understand that they exist in many places on the spectrum of masculine to feminine traits. People who are queer generally do not fit into these stereotypes and experience ostracization from those who cannot escape the mental paradigm of the gender binary.

      Is trans identity more than a product of societal gender roles? I don't understand where the root of the dysphoria could be other than not fitting into the stereotypes of your assigned gender. How could someone come to understand that their body feels "wrong" to them without learning that from something outside of their internal experience (i.e. perceiving gender roles and feeling like oneself is more aligned to the opposite pole than the one they're assigned to?) What is the benefit in choosing to identify as transgender (which reinforces gender roles through buying into them) versus choosing to eschew the gender binary entirely and identifying with / presenting as genderfluid or non-binary?

      39 votes

    29. Media reviewers?

      Ask (recommendations)
      I've had this problem come up so many times. I'll be watching a review on a movie/series and partway through the reviewer will make some rude comment about something they perceived as 'political',...

      I've had this problem come up so many times. I'll be watching a review on a movie/series and partway through the reviewer will make some rude comment about something they perceived as 'political', or how it was made worse by feminism, or 'woke-ism'. Sometimes it's just a tiny little comment that rubs me the wrong way, and I'll realize: This review is being done by someone with opinions I want nothing to do with. And I especially don't want to further their YouTube career with my watch time. It's become such a pattern at this point that I don't even bother with YouTube media reviews anymore.

      I'm not savvy in the landscape of media reviews, I'm relying on what the algorithm serves me, and so far it's only serving up slop. I'm trying to chew through my media backlog and also discover new things, and I'd like to see some perspectives on what's out there. Does anyone here have any recommendations for enthusiastically queer-friendly media review channels? (Not horror focused please, that's not for me.)

      13 votes

    31. My experience of transphobia today: "Ew, fucking gross, that's a man"

      Text 392 words
      Said to my friend while we were minding our own business yesterday when walking from A to B in the city. For this old bigoted man that we happened to walk past, simply (gasp) looking at a trans...

      Said to my friend while we were minding our own business yesterday when walking from A to B in the city. For this old bigoted man that we happened to walk past, simply (gasp) looking at a trans person was too much for him. How dare she go outside while being transgender? Nope, gotta call that out! Gotta tell this stranger that I find her disgusting! That's super important and I am doing the right thing..!

      At least, that's what I imagine his train of thought was like. Who knows.

      Blows my mind that people can't just keep homophobia/transphobia to themselves. For reference, there was no pride event or anything, like we weren't dressed in kinky outfits, we weren't waving dildos around or something. Not that being dressed a certain way would have excused his behavior, but it's just to say we were wearing very normal clothing and looked decidedly ordinary and neutral. The only thing that revealed to this guy that my friend is trans is that she hasn't done voice training. She passes perfectly fine outside of that, and so do I - we've both been on hormones and transitioning for 3-4 years.

      So perhaps the crime we committed was to make him think we weren't transgender? And then he heard her voice, and felt fooled? I suppose to him, it's the end of the world if he was accidentally attracted to a trans woman if even for a second.

      My friend thankfully doesn't let this kind of stuff get to her. She grew up extremely conservative (her family still has a "don't ask, don't tell" policy for example) so she's always had nerves of steel to deal with everything, and I'm glad for her that she can shut this kind of stuff out. I really admire her for how strong she is and how she's able to always persevere. She's probably already forgotten about it but for me, I need to work on similarly not letting this stuff get to me. The man wasn't even talking to/about me but I think the reason I'm so upset about it is that it may just as well have been said to me.

      I'm trying to focus on the good, and to not let one vile person ruin it. Because me and my friend had such a nice day together.

      69 votes