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Reading advice for new parents?
We found out recently that we are expecting an addition to our family and are incredibly excited! It's still early on so we are not trying to get overly excited knowing that things can happen in the first trimester, but would like to begin educating ourselves on the pregnancy process and parenting.
Am curious and would love to hear from everyone what resources they found most helpful on these subjects. Pros for evidence based sources that manage to not be overly dry. Send me what you got! Any general advice you have would also be greatly appreciated :)
Congratulations! I don't have a specific book to recommend but one thing that really helped my wife and I was accepting that you're going to get a lot of advice from a lot of different people (not necessarily solicited), and sometimes bafflingly conflicting advice from people you would think would be on the same page (like doctors and nurses).
Most people are well meaning and some have strong opinions, professing their method, book, TED talk, whatever is -the- answer to your given problem. This is especially the case for things like breast feeding, sleep training, food diversification, discipline, education, etc. I found it helps to look at all of this advice as tools you can add to your parenting toolbox. You may try one tool and it works great, while another won't.
What works for one person's child may not work for another, and that's ok. Best of luck!
I personally found a lot of books on raising children contained too much pseudoscience to my liking. What I did enjoy reading, and what did help us out on more than one occasion, was dr. Spock’s book. It’s super old, but with the later revisions it still holds up today.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/62344.Baby_and_Child_Care
I also highly recommend familiarizing yourself with the do’s and don’ts of taking care of babies.
http://pictures.mastermarf.com/blog/2009/090204-baby-instructions.jpg
My kids are, mostly, grown now. If I could go back and tell myself what to read, I think I'd probably recommend How to Win Friends and Influence People, with the advice to treat your kids like real people (because they are).
I can definitely understand this perspective for older kids (how desperately did I want to get treated like a person as a teen!) but I wonder how applicable that particular book is for people you're in a more unconditional relationship with? I'll confess I haven't read it but from what I've heard about it it seems kind of manipulative in its approach compared to what you'd want from a parent -- since you want to nurture your own children in a way that's hopefully different from how you want to influence your coworkers or boss. Idk though maybe I'm off the mark in what that book's actually about and just guessing based on the annoying business major dudes who always recommended it.
The book title sounds very manipulative, but the practices in the book are definitely not.
Ah that's fair, probably a misconception on my part then.
From what I can gather, Carnegie knew that his bread was buttered on the side of the corporate world. The title is lightly lampooned throughout the book, and none of the advice is actually self-centered, it's mostly a framing for the sake of truly socially incompetent people so they can connect the benefits of politeness to their own goals.
oh huh that's more interesting than I assumed! I guess that makes sense with the target audience then.
I had a baby last year, and when I managed to find any time to read I found value in a book called Precious Little Sleep. It's written playfully and empathetically and helped me finally get my little guy sleeping through (most of) the night.
Not a book, but I'll put it out there that if you or your partner are going to try breast feeding, that there's a lot of pressure put on it being the optimal way of doing things ("breast is best"). However, A LOT can go wonky or wrong with it. Your baby might not have a good latch, milk might take a long time to come in, struggling with low supply etc. Have some formula on hand well before you're due (mine came nearly 3 weeks early) and understand that it can be extremely time and labor intensive at best and excruciatingly painful at worst. Fed is best. My experience was terrible but I pushed through because I thought I was doing what was best for my baby. Next time around if it looks like I'm going to have anywhere near as much trouble as I did with this one the new kiddo will be on formula from week one. I encourage you to do what's best for you and don't be a martyr. You'll be making enough sacrifices already and baby won't know the difference.
You only need to read one thing.
"As long as they're fed, clean and safe, it's alright to put them in the crib and give yourself a minute or two." Yes, there's a thousand 'hacks' and answers and books and so on. They all help in some way but they're all also just people figuring out what works for their babies.
Your babies are going to be unique but someone, somewhere has dealt with what you're going through. If you scour every parenting book in existence, you'll find the answers for your baby... But that'll take a lot of time. Just feed the baby, change the diapers when wet, and listen to your pediatrician.
My reading advice for new parents would be: Read now. Once the baby arrives you won't have any time, energy, or patience for reading...
The most important thing in my opinion (as someone whose baby is 7 weeks old now) is the CDC feeding guidelines.
Our newborn was not super clear about when he was hungry and when he wasn't. As a result, we both underfed and overfed him at first. Once we stuck to the guidelines, everything was much better. Even now, we know not to just feed him anytime he gives the cue because he will overeat and make the next 6 hours miserable for him and for us.
Also, the hospital will give you info about breast milk/formula storage. How long it's good in the fridge, how long it's good after the kids starts and stops a bottle, etc. Definitely read that.
My wife gifts new parents this book, it is easy to read with concise vignettes. You can just skim it or use it as a reference if something comes up.
Baby 411: Your Baby, Birth to Age 1! Everything you wanted to know but were afraid to ask about your newborn. By Ari Brown MD
I've found "Pink Brain Blue Brain" to be interesting and (as far as I can tell) informative. It's about the differences between boys and girls, where those differences actually come from (i.e. nature vs nurture), and what we can do about those differences. There's a lot about ways to get girls more excited about being active, and boys to be able to express emotions more and engage in academic pursuits, but not in a particularly pushy way, and more about understanding why small initial biological changes can have big social impacts later on.
It has some moments where I'd take it with a pinch of salt - it's relatively old, and I don't think it does a great job of reflecting a modern understanding of autism, for example. But it really goes from birth to the beginnings of puberty, and each chapter has lots of specific advice about trying to counteract the more negative ways that differences form at each point in a child's development.
Whole Brain Child and No Drama Discipline.
You won’t see the value in them until later, but man will they make a huge difference in your and your child’s lives.
This book. Perfect for having "picnics" (with play food), going on "trips" by "boat" or "train," etc. It was one of the best things I had as a little kid. Open it to a different continent each time and they'll learn some geography even if it's just vague outlines.
Be Prepared....
https://www.amazon.com/Be-Prepared-Gary-Greenberg/dp/0743251547/
I also loved The Happiest Baby but you might get all you need out of this video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRkRlvPGywM
Lastly, just watch the nurses do what they do, then try your hand while they are still around to guide you...
The “Safe to Sleep” (previously “ Back to Sleep”) campaign has excellent guidelines for creating a safe sleep environment. Read them all, but it generally boils down to baby alone in a barren crib, on their back on a firm mattress. It’ll look sad at first, but the baby doesn’t care and it’ll keep them accidentally smothering themselves or getting stuck in an unsafe position.
Also, not reading, but invest in a quality new car seat and always use it. Only consider second hand if you personally know the previous owner and can trust their word that it hasn’t been involved in even a minor fender-bender.
We liked The Bottom Line for Baby as a quick reference on a big range of topics. She gives a quick overview of the state of the scientific evidence for each.