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What’s something about you that people don’t often believe is true?
(If there’s a better way to word this question, feel free to edit my title.) I’m interested in aspects of your self-disclosure that others are often surprised by or that they disregard as false/overblown/fabricated.
It can be anything, big or small. What is it and what is it like to have people disregard it so regularly?
I'm allergic to bison.
"Well, how do you know?" I had bison and then had a bad reaction, and then later had bison again and had a bad reaction. And every time I've had bison, I've had a terrible reaction.
"Are you sure it's bison? I've never heard of that!" Yes. I am sure.
"How do you even test for that?" Well, you eat some bison, and then vomit and shit your guts out for several hours while getting hives. There's no allergen test for it.
"Have you gone to your doctor about it?" Yes. She said, "don't eat bison. You're allergic to it."
"Why have you eaten bison?" I like meat. I presumed I'd like bison. I feel like it's tasty, but I can actually taste it distinctly from beef now, and it tastes like "oh crap I'm about to have a reaction".
I'm getting mad "the front fell off" vibes from your writing here.
Also... are there any close relatives of Bison (closer than beef I suppose) that you are/aren't allergic to? If you haven't tried those, does anyone know whether trying those could sensitize you to beef?
For the uninitiated: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3m5qxZm_JqM
I don't know if there's anything closer to domestic cattle than Bison; though I'm not a biologist, they're both in the Bovinae subgroup of the Bovidae family, so I think they're very close. That said, I don't think I've had anything else from the same family, as far as I know. I am careful about other bovids and cervids. I haven't heard if trying them would sensitize me to beef - that would make me sad, mostly for steaks. I could lose just about all other beef products and replace them with something else, but I would miss steak if I was sensitized to beef.
That's what it was! I was getting the same vibe but couldn't pinpoint it.
I'm allergic to taco flavored Doritos. I was enlisted in the US Army. You cannot imagine how many times the question "any allergies?" comes up when you're enlisted. Every time I gave the answer "taco flavored Doritos", I'd get confusion, curiosity, disbelief, and everything in between.
In high school I won an award for 100% attendance but didn't show up to the awards ceremony, and didn't tell the school I wasn't going so they announced the award only for someone to shout "he's not here" from the back of the hall. This sounds like it should be a story from a kid's TV show and people often think I'm making it up - but it's absolutely true (my sister was at the ceremony and confirms the shout).
Also I've only never had a proper job interview in my life. My last office job I walked into their building while wearing torn dungarees and a child's t-shirt and told them they should give me a job - and they did.
Don’t leave us hanging! Why didn’t you attend the ceremony??
It was a high school awards ceremony. Can't imagine why anyone would want to go to such a thing.
Also don't leave us hanging. Did you still get the award?
It was just a piece of paper, so yes. It's probably in the folder that, at my school, we (staff and students) referred to as The Wine List
They still gave you a perfect attendance award... even when you didn't even show up?
Yes. I'd shown up for every day of teaching in the just-ended school year. No sick days, that sort of thing. But I didn't show up for the awards evening, which was outside school hours and not required attendance. I hadn't told them I wasn't going though, so they still called out my name.
I have a degree, but I never actually graduated from high school. I had an unusual schedule during high school that had me going to three other schools a day for specific classes I was interested in (Cisco certification at the trade school, programming classes at the community college, teaching classes held locally by a nearby university). As a result, I just didn't attend high school for long enough to get the required credits to graduate. The guidance counselors were aware I wouldn't finish, but were great folks and thought it was more important that I go and learn if I was interested in learning.
I still walked in a graduation ceremony, but only got an empty holder for the diploma. There wasn't even an admissions process that I remember for moving on to university since I was already enrolled in courses with them, so nobody ever asked for proof I actually graduated, and since I have a degree now everyone just assumes I made it through high school anyway.
I grew up next door to Bob Ross. He filmed some of his Joy of Painting episodes in his garage, and he would put his paintings out to dry on top of the bushes in his front yard. He was always nice to me and the same person he was on the show. He didn't really get famous until after his death, so it's still weird to see him everywhere now.
Fuck, that's some shit I genuinely have a hard time believing. I get that part of the "no one can swear" crowd actually don't swear. But not since you were a small child, and not for some super-important moral reason? Wow. That's, I think, a very unique trait indeed.
What do you do when you sing along to an explicit song and reach a profane verse?
How annoying is it when people try to get you to swear?
Do you use cuss word alternatives? E.g. Heck? Dang? What word is OK and what word is crossing the line for you? :)
I also avoid swearing. I have to admit, I haven't had a perfect record since childhood, but I average about 1 or 2 cusses a year, with even less in recent years. Probably different from you, but I think swearwords rather a lot, in my head. I just don't let them out. In my case, I treat it like an exercise in self control. So, not because I have some strict religious reason or something. I liken it to a martial artist mastering their body. I hypothesize that exercising restraint in this way will strengthen my resolve, and that would help in other aspects of life.
Overusing swear words reduces their effect. They're like a monster that shows up on every scene and ceases to be scary. Swear words can become so familiar that, when you really need them, they produce no release. When my father says "fuck", I know something's going on.
I’m allergic to fragrance, and most people seem to think it’s a bullshit allergy and I’m just being hypersensitive.
I kinda get where they’re coming from, especially because it sounds wishy-washy. “Fragrance” is super non-specific and, sure enough, I don’t actually know which specific “fragrance” I’m allergic to. I got tested with a mix of common compounds used in scents and reacted to them together, so I don’t know which one(s) was/were the cause. That’s pretty much pointless information to pursue though, as there are literally thousands of different of compounds used in “fragrance” and they’re almost never clearly labeled in the first place. Even if I knew the specifics of my allergy they’d still be unavoidable because there’d likely be too many to count — and they’re not showing up in ingredient lists anyway.
As such, some stuff with added fragrance is fine with me, while some is devastating. I don’t really have a way of knowing what I’ll react with, so “fragrance” is about as specific as I can get. This means that I’ll go with a fragrance-free option for something if it exists not necessarily because I’ll react to the regular version (I might not) but because it removes the gamble in the first place.
I don’t bring it up often because people, even well-meaning ones, seem to think that it’s more of a preference than an actual condition. At worst I get a sort of “precious little snowflake” treatment, which is infuriating. I also don’t necessarily bring it up because I don’t want people to think they need to buy, say, different hand soap on my account. Disclosing it always seems to come with this unspoken pressure that I’m wanting them to change what they’re buying/using, which isn’t the case at all. I’m fine with people doing what they like (and fragrance on others doesn’t really activate my allergy much — while I can have one-off reactions, those are usually mild; the more serious stuff comes from prolonged exposure of my own stuff).
What prompted this topic and question was that I was commiserating about my fragrance allergy with a coworker who also has it. He was thrilled that somebody else “gets it” and said he was “sick of people thinking he’s a wuss” when, in reality, a whiff of floor cleaner or perfume or whatnot can genuinely cause a massive reaction. It’s not just sneezing either — we genuinely get bad headaches and fatigue as a result, and it doesn’t take much to trigger the response. Masks have actually been a godsend for both of us in that regard, and we talked how how we readily use them for things like household cleaning now that the pandemic got us used to them and gave us ample supply.
I do wish there weren’t gigantic pushes for unnecessary scents in products. Using fragrance-free products has taught me that only a few are using fragrance to cover up an otherwise mildly unpleasant smell. Most products on their own just smell like, well, nothing. Instead companies will go the other way and have like, hyper-scent options. My husband laughs at me because there’s this particular commercial for laundry “scent boosters” that comes on frequently and it always drives me into a sarcastic, facetious reinterpretive rant: “Do you want to POUR ALLERGENS DIRECTLY ONTO YOUR CLOTHES? Do you want those allergens to STAY THERE FOR UP TO TWO WEEKS?” I get that people like things that smell good and those products aren’t meant for someone like me, but it’s hard for me to personally see them as anything other than absurd and mildly threatening.
I don't have an allergy, but after buying a bunch of scent-free things while trying to narrow down causes of some eczema, I don't miss any of them. I have some dish soap that I got last week and wasn't paying attention when I bought it. It smells flowery and I find it incredibly strong and unnecessary. Not sure why my sink needs to smell like flowers or me while I'm doing them.
Not to mention that strong smelling soaps usually cause their scent to linger on hands, which really messes with my sense of taste during meals.
I only don’t like a lot fragrances; I’m not allergic, but the soap thing I can relate to. There used to be this taco place that I would go to all the time that had this not very strongly scented foam soap (the fun kind!), but they changed to a different kind after a few years that was SUPER strong and would linger for HOURS. Totally ruined the taco experience.
It’s funny, I remember in high school I used to wonder what products other girls were using that seemed to billow around them all day and why mine didn’t behave like that. Now, I can’t stand it if I can smell even a fragrance I like (like from hairspray or deodorant) for more than a few minutes after I put it on.
Oh god this reminds me of how much of an asshole my friends and I were to a teacher who had this in middle school. I feel so bad and don't know how she survived, I can hardly imagine a place more filled with overapplied artificial fragrances than a middle school hallway.
Poor teacher.
Kids can be cruel, but they can also just be oblivious which lets them be cruel without realizing just how cruel they were until much later, in hindsight. I also look back and cringe about some of the things I did to teachers. It actually helps me be more patient in my job, to be honest, knowing that many kids’ malice isn’t nearly as deep or dark as it seems from my perspective.
That said, you’re not wrong about schools being fragrance hells. I had to ban Axe body spray from my classroom one year. This was back when it was big and nearly every guy had a can. They had somehow come to the conclusion that it was a shower replacement — so instead of participating in actual personal hygiene, they would simply spray their pits with it and think they were fully fresh and clean.
This, of course, doesn’t work, but, like I said, kids can be oblivious and they genuinely had no idea how bad they smelled. On one hot day the combined stench of rancid collective BO and sickly sweet body spray was too much for me to handle. I had to open my windows, tell my students that they weren’t allowed to spray Axe in my classroom or before coming to it, and that their homework for the night was to take a full-fledged shower — with soap and everything.
It made a world of difference.
Also it turns out I was actually the lucky one that year. Another teacher at my school had the misfortune of having a kid who punctured a can of Axe with scissors in his classroom. I can’t even imagine what that smelled like, but I know that everyone had to clear out to be able to even breathe. It was like the room got sprayed with the artificial fragrance equivalent of a skunk.
I think my wife has something similar. Some scents just cause her to have a headache and need to lay down for a bit. As such, it's been a bit of a blessing for her to be working from home for a while.
This really resonated with me and also grinds my gears. I think that it shows a basic lack of empathy. In addition to the bison thing I shared above, I have a much milder but still significant oral allergy to peanuts and some legumes. No anaphylaxis or anything - I don't have an epipen - but I had a friend who simply didn't believe me. One time he revealed that he didn't believe me and had given me a bunch of peanut oil in dishes when we were kids, and it messed up my brain, because I had a lot of digestive problems and didn't put two and two together - that friend was basically poisoning me, because he felt like it showed that I was lying or something when I didn't have an immediate reaction, but in reality he just gave me diarrhea however many times. At the time, we didn't have the "oh special snowflake" phrase, but it was exactly that personified.
There's a particular person who is not really in our lives anymore - another minor Covid blessing - who would do the same with my wife. He'd wear a scent when he knew she was going to be around, and then if she didn't react to it, he would spring a "ha, gotcha" sort of comment on her. But as with your issue, it's not all scents; some are fine, and some aren't.
I don't understand what people like this get out of it. I don't understand why the default isn't "I hear what you're saying and I will do what I can to not [wear fragrances] [cook with peanuts] [other behaviour] because I value you."
Anyways, this is the much more calmed down version of what I started writing the first time I read your comment. I identified with it so much that it made me quite angry!
Sounds exactly like me. I didn't have it diagnosed as an actual allergy until recently, but I've lived with it for a long time and just assumed that I was unusually put-off by strong scents. I remember when I was really young and I shared a room with my older brother. He used to light incense all the time (at the time I thought he was on some enlightenment kick but when I got older I realized he was just trying to cover up the smell of weed, lol) and I'd have to clear out of the room for hours. Even returning to the residual scent of it hours later was sometimes enough to make me ill.
For a long time I had no idea it was an allergy because I assumed allergies were essentially limited to things that made you sneeze or gave you rashes. I didn't realize things like headaches, fatigue, or nausea could be allergy symptoms as well. Sorry your wife has to suffer through that, as well as that jerk trying to catch her in a “lie”.
Also, your friend was a dick. Deliberately triggering someone’s allergy — especially a peanut allergy — is so very messed up. I get that he was a kid and kids often don’t understand the gravity or potential effects of their actions, but still, that’s horrible.
Reading this makes me think that there's a gap in children's education about practical medical stuff like allergies and diseases.
Every time I lend someone an article of clothing and they are polite and wash it after. Allergies for days. I appreciate it but uh, I wish they would just give it back dirty.
My partner has a really hard time with my fragrance allergies. She loves everything scented; candles, perfumes, soap... you name it she wants it to smell. It's been an long road in our relationship to get her to acknowledge that it is a problem for me. I feel bad because she'll do things like apply perfume outside or only light scented candles when I'm out of town, and while I appreciate the effort, it doesn't matter. As soon as we're on our date or I'm back from vacation/work it's back to not being able to breath out my nose and itchy eyes. She is gluten intolerant and I tried explaining that it would be like if I put bread crumbs her food every now and then. It still hasn't hit home.
I had one person with a similar allergy back in school. Found that out when a few girls sprayed a full load of Deo in the classroom and he had to leave the room.
As a kid my parents and teachers determine I am ambidextrous. I write sort of like a lefty with my right hand as a result of it.
The unbelievable part that even I needed convincing on was that in second grade I wrote an essay backwards, but otherwise perfectly legibly, with my left hand.
I don't know if other people who are ambidextrous are similar, but I seem to experience hand dominance slightly differently. I tried cross-sightimg with a rifle at 10, and tend to adapt to tasks not out of right-first reflex, but "this works well enough" as I settle in, to enough of a degree that people have repeatedly asked me if I'm left-handed. Also, because of practiced right-hand dominance I'm generally right-handed, like for guitar, yoyoing, writing, and learning new skills. My identical twin and mom are lefties, but I'm not sure if there's any significance to that. My brother also plays guitar and uses comluters right-handed, because these things all come down to practice, and the world is predominantly right-handed.
Mirror writing is pretty common in lefties and ambidextrous people. Hey, if it's good enough for Da Vinci
I'm like you but the other way around. I'm about 50% left handed, 25% right handed and 25% either (or sometimes neither). It's very handy to be able to use tools in either hand although occasionally my brain freaks out and I can't use something in left or right.
I didn't know it was more common, and people are always surprised at that story. I was, even.
I get the getting stuck on a task thing, it's rare, but sometimes nothing feels right.
What kind of backwards? Like, it reads correctly when read in a mirror and you wrote from right to left?
I vaguely remember primary school being the time when left and right distinctions materialize, did you have problems with that?
I assume this refers to the awkward arm posture lefties do to not get in their own way when writing? Had a lefty friend in primary school who would rest his arm above where he was writing and come in with his pen from the top. Something like that? I'd assume that could be acquired from your family then, right?
It's close to it, but not as aggressive a hook.
My lefty mom and righty dad were trying to figure out how I should write if I could with both hands, and I seem to have adapted a bit of the left hand technique to my right hand writing. It's definitely a learned thing, and I've deprogrammed it a bit with some use of fountain pens, whose hold is different enough to force me to relearn writing a bit.
My nephew used to do that too, and supposedly it's actually not that uncommon. See:
Understanding children’s mirror writing
I didn’t finish college, let alone high school (although I did get my GED after dropping out). Asking people where they went to school is typically an ice breaker question, and while I do think people believe me, they usually say “Whoa, really?” right after I tell them. I’m a web developer now, but I’m all self-taught. A lot of the self-taught developers I know started out with a different degree and switched to web dev later in life.
I dropped out of a philosophy degree with nine months to go and spent the next decade working my way up to senior developer and head of devops at one of the best digital agencies in the country. The rest of the people on my team were a civil engineer, an astrophysicist, an ex-RAF pilot and a Buddhist monk. Oh, and one Comp Sci graduate, but he wasn't very good.
Math degree here, now a web developer, primarily learned in a self-directed way. I do know lots of people in the same mold - different degree and switched, or no degree and picked it up.
I can speak and write English nearly fluently, and outside the wealthy parts of Brazil's cities that's a huge rarity (which is compounded by me being able to do this since young), so doing that and getting a diploma to prove it back when I was 13 is not something I would expect anyone to believe without showing them, which is why I rarely talk about my English proficiency to anyone I know.
I lost years to depression, misogyny, homophobia, misanthropy, xenophobia and alcoholism.
I dunno, they keep saying I have a really pleasant phone manner.
Half my tongue is numb. I received a new local anesthetic when I got my wisdom teeth out way back when and the numbing never went away on the left side of my tongue. I can still taste but can't feel touch or temperature. I'm lucky as some people will chew through their tongue (sorry for the image) and mine isn't that severe. Only real negative side effect is that it damaged the nerves at the roots of three molars on the left side of my jaw that now really hurt to floss. Otherwise just a weird quirk.
I've been told a surprising number of times that I'm making it up. Outside of the dentist office It's only ever come up in passing and I'm always curious why people dig into something that is so inconsequential.