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  • Showing only topics in ~talk with the tag "happiness". Back to normal view / Search all groups
    1. Good News Everyone! - the coping with everything edition

      In this edition of the Good News thread, I'd love it if folks shared not just a positive news story, but perhaps a video, article, story, something that can function as a happy moment, a chill...

      In this edition of the Good News thread, I'd love it if folks shared not just a positive news story, but perhaps a video, article, story, something that can function as a happy moment, a chill vibe, a memory that makes you smile. We're all just trying to deal with the world, so if you cannot find joy in current events, consider sharing something else joyful.

      For this thread, even if something happy also reveals the sadness at the heart of the world, we're going to focus on the joy here. (Posting in misc due to the extended ask this time)

      44 votes
    2. Executive (dys)function flavors?

      @RoyalHenOil's comment in another thread got me thinking, and I feel like it might be helpful for me to hear what other Tilderinos have to share about this. I've wondered for years if I might have...

      @RoyalHenOil's comment in another thread got me thinking, and I feel like it might be helpful for me to hear what other Tilderinos have to share about this. I've wondered for years if I might have ADHD. Any time I've looked into it, it never seems like I check enough boxes for that to be an accurate label. But I've also gotten the impression that many psychological things like ADHD might be better understood as a spectrum (or even a region?), so lately I keep coming back to the possibility that I just have some other/related flavor of executive dysfunction. Or maybe I just haven't figured out how to "adult" properly yet for other reasons. I don't know, but it feels like being able to name the way my brain works would help things somehow.

      I tried for hours to write up an explanation of my experiences, but I couldn't come up with anything that felt accurate and was a reasonable length, so the five-second version is this: The thing I keep coming across and identifying with is the "hyperfocus mode" that some people report. I enjoy this but also feel like it must have something to do with my struggles in some areas. I can prioritize tasks effectively plenty of the time, but I also can't at other times. If I used an Eisenhower matrix, things in the "important but not urgent" category would mostly be gathering dust (except for ones I happened to focus on). I don't really have any control over the "hyperfocus mode" and its target changes unpredictably.

      There's an exhausting amount of nuance I could add to the above. I'd really love to hear from anyone who's had experience with any sort of divergent executive function that doesn't seem to fit into any of the currently available boxes we use to understand these things.

      Addendum: I reread RoyalHenOil's comment just now and I think responding to it directly might be easier than writing out my own explanation from scratch, so I'll include that response here for anyone who feels like reading it.

      Annotated comment

      I'm more the hyperfocusing sort than the easily-distracted sort (I don't really experience boredom or anything resembling internal "chatter" that a lot of people with ADHD describe),

      I do identify with this. I think there's some degree of "chatter" for me, though.

      but it ultimately amounts to similar behavior: I have a hard time prioritizing.

      I guess? Sometimes?

      It feels like it should be easy to switch activities, but I just can't. It's like trying to move a paralyzed body part; you're firing all the right neurons, but nothing happens.

      I'm not sure if I would describe it this way. This is definitely how it feels when trying to get out of bed if I'm really drowsy, but switching activities mostly doesn't feel like this. It can sometimes though.

      When I'm focused on Task A but know I need to switch to Task B, I can't stop thinking about Task A. They're basically intrusive thoughts that aren't under my conscious control. Even if I do successfully pull myself away from Task A, I can barely do Task B because I'm still thinking about Task A — and I'm feeling frazzled the whole time.

      Yeah, this is more or less true for me. It is possible for the hyperfocus to switch over to Task B eventually, but I don't feel like I have any control over that.

      But if I just give [in] to the hyperfocus and devote myself to Task A until it's complete, I feel great. I'm in the zone. It's better than meditation.

      So much yes. It's like the flow state I can get from practicing music, except it's easier to enter and not taxing to maintain.

      My hyperfocus can be a good thing. It means that whatever Task A is, I can fully immerse myself in it and do it exceptionally well. (. . .) But I'm useless at anything that resembles multitasking because I end up obsessing over just one of the tasks (even if it's not that complex) and neglecting all the others.

      Agree. Some of the best work I've done and most fun I've had has been while hyperfocusing. But when multitasking, I feel almost useless.

      I did very well in school and I do very well in the workplace (so long as my supervisors make good use of me)

      Same.

      but my private life is a completely different matter. I have a hard time maintaining routines and establishing habits. I'm always neglecting the majority of household tasks and my personal needs; if I'm on a vacuuming kick, for example, the floor will be spotless, but everything else will be in shambles because all I can see is the floor.

      Yes and no. Some routines/habits stick and others don't. I'm generally fine with chores, though most of them don't happen on a routine, they just get done when they need to get done, I guess.

      One of the worst aspects of my hyperfocus is that it feeds into itself. For example, being sleep-deprived makes me far more likely to hyperfocus, and hyperfocusing makes me far more likely to experience insomnia. If I do break out of my hyperfocus tendencies, I can usually only maintain it for a week or so until, inevitably, something throws off the delicate balance.

      You know, I don't think this had occurred to me, but that totally seems plausible. At the very least, I do know I end up in feedback loops where hyperfocusing on one thing leads to a new thing to hyperfocus on, so the need for variety that eventually kicks in to break me out is already satisfied by the new thing.

      30 votes
    3. How do you celebrate your birthday?

      There's nothing I enjoy more than waking up late and going through the day without checking the time, and I make a point to do that for myself every year for my birthday. What sort of gifts do you...

      There's nothing I enjoy more than waking up late and going through the day without checking the time, and I make a point to do that for myself every year for my birthday. What sort of gifts do you give to yourself to celebrate the day?

      35 votes
    4. If happy people do nothing?

      "I mean, pain is the ultimate driving force of life itself. Why do we sleep? Because we're tired. Why do we eat? Because we're hungry. Why do we talk to people? Because we fear isolation, etc....

      "I mean, pain is the ultimate driving force of life itself. Why do we sleep? Because we're tired. Why do we eat? Because we're hungry. Why do we talk to people? Because we fear isolation, etc. Just like in the movie Trainspotting (1996), where heroin users drown out the pain of existence with substances. Does that mean if someone becomes overly focused on anything, they feel a stronger dissatisfaction with life? And could this be used against us? Like this quote from the book Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig:

      The world is increasingly designed to depress us. Happiness isn’t very good for the economy. If we were happy with what we had, why would we need more? How do you sell an anti-ageing moisturiser? You make someone worry about ageing. How do you get people to vote for a political party? You make them worry about immigration. How do you get them to buy insurance? By making them worry about everything. How do you get them to have plastic surgery? By highlighting their physical flaws. How do you get them to watch a TV show? By making them worry about missing out. How do you get them to buy a new smartphone? By making them feel like they are being left behind.

      26 votes
    5. CMV: Once civilization is fully developed, life will be unfulfilling and boring. Humanity is also doomed to go extinct. These two reasons make life not worth living.

      Hello everyone, I hope you're well. I've been wrestling with two "philosophical" questions that I find quite unsettling, to the point where I feel like life may not be worth living because of what...

      Hello everyone,

      I hope you're well. I've been wrestling with two "philosophical" questions that
      I find quite unsettling, to the point where I feel like life may not be worth
      living because of what they imply. Hopefully someone here will offer me a new
      perspective on them that will give me a more positive outlook on life.


      (1) Why live this life and do anything at all if humanity is doomed to go extinct?

      I think that, if we do not take religious beliefs into account, humanity is
      doomed to go extinct, and therefore, everything we do is ultimately for nothing,
      as the end result will always be the same: an empty and silent universe devoid of human
      life and consciousness.

      I think that humanity is doomed to go extinct, because it needs a source of
      energy (e.g. the Sun) to survive. However, the Sun will eventually die and life
      on Earth will become impossible. Even if we colonize other habitable planets,
      the stars they are orbiting will eventually die too, so on and so forth until
      every star in the universe has died and every planet has become inhabitable.
      Even if we manage to live on an artificial planet, or in some sort of human-made
      spaceship, we will still need a source of energy to live off of, and one day there
      will be none left.
      Therefore, the end result will always be the same: a universe devoid of human
      life and consciousness with the remnants of human civilization (and Elon Musk's Tesla)
      silently floating in space as a testament to our bygone existence. It then does not
      matter if we develop economically, scientifically, and technologically; if we end
      world hunger and cure cancer; if we bring poverty and human suffering to an end, etc.;
      we might as well put an end to our collective existence today. If we try to live a happy
      life nonetheless, we'll still know deep down that nothing we do really matters.

      Why do anything at all, if all we do is ultimately for nothing?


      (2) Why live this life if the development of civilization will eventually lead
      to a life devoid of fulfilment and happiness?

      I also think that if, in a remote future, humanity has managed to develop
      civilization to its fullest extent, having founded every company imaginable;
      having proved every theorem, run every experiment and conducted every scientific
      study possible; having invented every technology conceivable; having automated
      all meaningful work there is: how then will we manage to find fulfilment in life
      through work?

      At such time, all work, and especially all fulfilling work, will have already
      been done or automated by someone else, so there will be no work left to do.

      If we fall back to leisure, I believe that we will eventually run out of
      leisurely activities to do. We will have read every book, watched every
      movie, played every game, eaten at every restaurant, laid on every beach,
      swum in every sea: we will eventually get bored of every hobby there is and
      of all the fun to be had. (Even if we cannot literally read every book or watch
      every movie there is, we will still eventually find their stories and plots to be
      similar and repetitive.)

      At such time, all leisure will become unappealing and boring.

      Therefore, when we reach that era, we will become unable to find fulfillment and
      happiness in life neither through work nor through leisure. We will then not
      have much to do, but to wait for our death.

      In that case, why live and work to develop civilization and solve all of the
      world's problems if doing so will eventually lead us to a state of unfulfillment,
      boredom and misery? How will we manage to remain happy even then?


      I know that these scenarios are hypothetical and will only be relevant in a
      very far future, but I find them disturbing and they genuinely bother me, in the
      sense that their implications seem to rationally make life not worth living.

      I'd appreciate any thoughts and arguments that could help me put these ideas into
      perspective and put them behind me, especially if they can settle these questions for
      good and definitively prove these reasonings to be flawed or wrong, rather than offer
      coping mechanisms to live happily in spite of them being true.

      Thank you for engaging with these thoughts.


      Edit.

      After having read through about a hundred answers (here and elsewhere), here are some key takeaways:

      Why live this life and do anything at all if humanity is doomed to go extinct?

      • My argument about the extinction of humanity seems logical, but we could very well eventually find out that it is totally wrong. We may not be doomed to go extinct, which means that what we do wouldn't be for nothing, as humanity would keep benefitting from it perpetually.
      • We are at an extremely early stage of the advancement of science, when looking at it on a cosmic timescale. Over such a long time, we may well come to an understanding of the Universe that allows us to see past the limits I've outlined in my original post.
      • (Even if it's all for nothing, if we enjoy ourselves and we do not care that it's pointless, then it will not matter to us that it's all for nothing, as the fun we're having makes life worthwhile in and of itself. Also, if what we do impacts us positively right now, even if it's all for nothing ultimately, it will still matter to us as it won't be for nothing for as long as humanity still benefits from it.)

      Why live this life if the development of civilization will eventually lead to a life devoid of fulfilment and happiness?

      • This is not possible, because we'd either have the meaningful work of improving our situation (making ourselves fulfilled and happy), or we would be fulfilled and happy, even if there was no work left.
      • I have underestimated for how long one can remain fulfilled with hobbies alone, given that one has enough hobbies. One could spend the rest of their lives doing a handful of hobbies (e.g., travelling, painting, reading non-fiction, reading fiction, playing games) and they would not have enough time to exhaust all of these hobbies.
      • We would not get bored of a given food, book, movie, game, etc., because we could cycle through a large number of them, and by the time we reach the end of the cycle (if we ever do), then we will have forgotten the taste of the first foods and the stories of the first books and movies. Even if we didn't forget the taste of the first foods, we would not have eaten them frequently at all, so we would not have gotten bored of them. Also, there can be a lot of variation within a game like Chess or Go. We might get bored of Chess itself, but then we could simply cycle through several games (or more generally hobbies), and come back to the first game with renewed eagerness to play after some time has passed.
      • One day we may have the technology to change our nature and alter our minds to not feel bored, make us forget things on demand, increase our happiness, and remove negative feelings.

      Recommended readings (from the commenters)

      • Deep Utopia: Life and Meaning in a Solved World by Nick Bostrom
      • The Fun Theory Sequence by Eliezer Yudkowski
      • The Beginning of Infinity by David Deutsch
      • Into the Cool by Eric D. Schneider and Dorion Sagan
      • Permutation City by Greg Egan
      • Diaspora by Greg Egan
      • Accelerando by Charles Stross
      • The Last Question By Isaac Asimov
      • The Culture series by Iain M. Banks
      • Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom by Cory Doctorow
      • The Myth of Sisyphus by Albert Camus
      • Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
      • This Life: Secular Faith and Spiritual Freedom by Martin Hägglund
      • Uncaused cause arguments
      • The Meaningness website (recommended starting point) by David Chapman
      • Optimistic Nihilism (video) by Kurzgesagt
      23 votes
    6. Did money buy you happiness?

      Conventional wisdom tells us money does not buy happiness, perhaps the opposite. "Studies" (don't quote me on this, just going off headlines/articles I've read) say happiness grows asymptotically...

      Conventional wisdom tells us money does not buy happiness, perhaps the opposite. "Studies" (don't quote me on this, just going off headlines/articles I've read) say happiness grows asymptotically and levels off around an income of 70k USD (perhaps more like 90k inflation adjusted?). I would be interested to know how any of this matches your personal experience. Has your happiness consistently grown with income? If so, where did that growth level off, if at all? And to what would you attribute it? better consumer goods, more security, more freedom...? Have any of you experienced a decrease in happiness associated with growing income? I eagerly await your thoughts!

      43 votes
    7. I forgot how to have fun

      Like the title says, over the past couple of years, I think I slowly forgot how to have fun. I'm looking for any advice anyone might have (whether you've gone through the same process or not) on...

      Like the title says, over the past couple of years, I think I slowly forgot how to have fun. I'm looking for any advice anyone might have (whether you've gone through the same process or not) on how to have a bit more fun.

      The past 4 years have been transformational and formative for me. At 21 I decided to switch majors and move out from my parents' house to a more urban city. I mentally (depression) and financially struggled for the first 3 years, going broke in my second year of my second chance at undergrad at one point, eating bowls of rice. I identified my shortcomings (lack of achievements and disposable income) and worked on them. In the 3rd year I worked part-time while also taking a TA position with a full engineering course load. Last summer I completed an internship while also working as an independent contractor for a startup and kept the contractor position while being a full-time student up until this year. I signed a full-time offer at a big company this January and have one course left to fully graduate. I'm also correcting exams and tests on a part time basis for a professor. All this to say, I suddenly had a significant boost in income the last couple of months, and even more free time, whereas I was living on ~20k/year previously, with no free time.

      This doesn't mean I don't enjoy or appreciate any fun activity I partake in. When I do go out with my friends I'm having a lot of fun and I'm breathing in every moment. I'm not depressed (not anymore), but I find myself having a more neutral mood outside of hangouts. What I'm struggling with is initiative with regards to fun. What can I do to have fun? I live in a cramped-up studio which I plan on moving out of in spring, but for now I don't have space for a TV let's say. I don't have a gaming pc, because up until now I couldn't afford one. I have a ps4 with a couple of old games, though sometimes I struggle to play them because of a lingering feeling of guilt from using it as a medium of procrastination in my teens. People mention lifestyle creep that follows an income boost, but I think my financial situation in the past has some lingering effect on me that's inhibiting even a small healthy dose of that. It's hard for me to justify upgrading some of my stuff, because they still work. Or buying some items I've wanted, because I'm doing fine without them. The isolation in a studio and the now gone uncertainty that was during the pandemic before I signed a full-time offer also played a role here I think.

      So, having read through all that, I welcome any ideas or suggestions on how to spice my weekly life a bit more. I want to shake off the fight-or-flight phase that I was in. What are some things that you do that you think I could adopt to have a bit more fun by myself?

      25 votes
    8. Today I have hope

      I'm at a pharmacy, distributing their vaccine after hours the second it came in. I'm typing this up while my pregnant wife is in line to get her vaccine. If I get lucky maybe I do too. If not, my...

      I'm at a pharmacy, distributing their vaccine after hours the second it came in. I'm typing this up while my pregnant wife is in line to get her vaccine. If I get lucky maybe I do too. If not, my heart is still lighter knowing that my family is safer.

      I'm filled with joy knowing that there is light at the end of this dark tunnel.

      Thank you all for putting up with my special blend of near-persistent 2020 mania. Hopefully this will finally calm it for awhile.

      25 votes
    9. What are your best memories from 2020?

      There are lots of retrospectives about famous people that died and depressing virus talk on the news. But life is full of apparent contradictions and it is not uncommon to find joy even in the...

      There are lots of retrospectives about famous people that died and depressing virus talk on the news. But life is full of apparent contradictions and it is not uncommon to find joy even in the most desperate situations. What are some things that made you happy in 2020? Anything, personal or not.

      25 votes
    10. What is the one thing about your world that makes everything better?

      Okay I haven't slept in almost 24 hours so I'm not exactly thinking straight but I was wondering: What is that one thing in your life that makes everything better? It can be philosophical or it...

      Okay I haven't slept in almost 24 hours so I'm not exactly thinking straight but I was wondering:

      What is that one thing in your life that makes everything better? It can be philosophical or it can be something others might consider "small", but I am geniunely curious on what makes you happy.

      12 votes