Disclaimer: This post is probably overly-long and a little all over the place. It’s just as much me writing things out to get a sense of where I am and how I feel about everything as it is asking a question to a real audience. For anyone who genuinely wants to take the time to read it, hopefully not read too into it, and provide any insights – thank you. I'm not sure how large the LGBT community on Tildes might actually be, I will probably end up x-posting this to Reddit despite the fact that I’ll most likely end up regretting that decision

I'm a late-thirties, gay, cis gendered, masculine presenting (for lack of a better term), otter (beard, harry, smaller frame so not considered a bear). For almost all of my life I've lived in smaller locals that lacked any real gay scene and so I have almost entirely lived apart from the larger gay world and community. To a large extent I'm grateful for this, I think in my younger years the focus on partying and sex would have been disastrous for me and now my friend groups are diverse with straight males and females and a few gay friends. However, a large part of me feels like I've missed out on something and continue to miss out on something.

In the past year or so I've developed a gay Instagram profile that is now very connected to the gay bear community in my country and a few neighboring ones. I’ve also been in a larger city for a few years now and have a real gay community that I could connect with if I wanted to. Obviously, I'm primarily attracted to more bear type men and I've found that through Instagram I'm seeing that a lot of guys in the community remind me of myself in manner of interests and style. I also see this as a chance to make some friends who would actually see me and understand me, something that I think gets a little lost with my non-gay friends and my gay friends who are not like me in other ways

Huge disclaimer: I'm viewing all of this through the lens of Instagram which makes my interpretations of what I'm seeing already dubious - the app is largely triggering FOMO and a touch of envy in me, I fully understand that.

There was a bear dance night in my city a few weeks ago and many guys from different regions came through to celebrate and find community. I watched it all distantly through Instagram posts and stories and through all my voyeurism I found myself extremely tempted to go to the party but remained frozen in intimidation by a community that I really don't understand.

My worries summed up:

• We’re not one of the bigger bear events around so it’s clear from their posts that these guys all know each other and probably hang out multiple times a year. Approaching that as a complete outsider is already anxiety inducing to me

• Even though I logically know that the only way to make friends is to put yourself out there, I’ve at times faced rejection and exclusion via the apps and just fear that this would be the same thing but in real life. Despite my attempts to date my way into the community, I haven’t had a lot of success breaking through. (Please don’t take this to mean that I’ve fully fetishized bears, I don’t limit my relationships to something so narrow at all)

• One of my hangups is the fact that I myself am not a bear. My understanding is that Otters and “masc” guys are often very welcome in the bear community, which I am, but not actually being one of them makes me question my place there. I am aware how terrible this is as it perpetuates the gay culture of largely basing worth on physical characteristics and the fact that bear does not equal masculine. I hate to bring up that last part but I just want to be descriptive

• I would be loath to enter into a community whose identity hangs on partying. I see on Instagram that a lot of groups of bear friends do other activities than drinking but they also do a fair share of bar-going and partying. If these bear events would end up turning out like the circuit party culture, then I have no real interest. I do like to occasionally go out drinking with friends but have no intention of maintaining a party lifestyle. In a similar vein, I wouldn’t want to enter into a community that is primarily sex-based either and I do get those vibes from these groups and parties sometimes as well

• My intentions for wanting to participate are unclear. I see these guys building what seem like genuine friendships with each other and I do genuinely want that but at the same time it would be dishonest for me not to admit that there is a sexual component to this and a desire for validation from a group of men who I find attractive

• Is my understanding of this community completely invalid? Maybe the impressions I’m gaining of the community are completely unrealistic and I should completely rethink the underlying question of this entire post – would I find value in being a member of the bear world?

It’s clear to me that in the end my Instagram habit, particularly my “bear” profile, is triggering some anxieties and insecurities in me that I’ve largely managed to concur in real life. I already have caring friends and have had a rich dating and relationship life without being part of any real gay community and so my final question to myself is whether I should just delete the IG profile and abandon any thoughts of going to gay parties – I may just be looking to fill a hole in myself that my real friends and love life should be enough for.

We continue with Cannes films with The Zone of Interest which premiered at Cannes in 2023 where it won the Grand Prix award. It also won two Oscars for Best International Film and Best Sound.

IMDb
Letterboxd
Wikipedia

Besides any thoughts on this movie, do you think this adds anything new to the already long list of WW2/Holocaust movies?

The rest of the schedule for May is:

• 20th: Luxury Car
• 27th: The Tree of Life

so I like animes like vinland saga , beserk , kingdom , MHA , FAB , Black clover . Please don't recommend exremely lengthy animes.. thats the only thing stopping me from watch one piece XD.

i also like feel good animes like ghibli movies , or slice of life animes but rn would like to watch something which has a lot of story and depth to it and also comedy .

Add awesome game deals to this topic as they come up over the course of the week!

Alternately, ask about a given game deal if you want the community’s opinions: e.g. “What games from this bundle are most worth my attention?”

Rules:

• No grey market sales
• No affiliate links

If posting a sale, it is strongly encouraged that you share why you think the available game/games are worthwhile.

All previous Save Point topics

If you don’t want to see threads in this series, add save point to your personal tag filters.

I had initially planned a trip to Japan but had to change plans at the last minute.

So here I am, not as well prepared as I usually am. Would love to hear what you guys love doing when in Singapore. I'm not someone who enjoys nightlife/clubbing. Good food and cocktail bars are more my speed. Already booked a nice looking place called Candlenut for a meal.

Any sightseeing recommendations would be really helpful as well. Thanks guys.

I've done considerable e-bike research, and I'm still struggling with unanswered questions...

I'm looking for a mid-range e-bike mainly for commuting, approximately 3 miles/5 km each way. Part of the route is on unpaved but graded park trails, otherwise paved (sometimes very bumpy) streets and sidewalks. I don't anticipate using the bike for heavy cargo, rough trails or long powered rides, but wouldn't mind working up to 30 mi/50 km trips with partial assists.

The primary goal is a safe, stable ride that gets me to work reliably without leaving me too banged up.

Requirements:

1. Major assistance with steep hills. Though I've rebuilt decent endurance and muscle strength, I've got two artificial hips, and occasional inflammation in knees, ankles, and feet that makes powering up a long incline painful.

2. Suspension fork and relatively upright riding position. Even with gel gloves, bumps and bangs through a rigid frame and forward leaning will wreck my wrists and hands quickly.

3. Step-through frame. Thanks to hip replacements, my balance and range of motion aren't all they could be.

4. Local service availability. Fortunately, I'm in a town with great (if expensive) bike shops.

Nice to have:

1. 60 lbs. or less. I don't expect to wrestle the bike up/down stairs or into vehicles frequently. It's more a question of being able to propel it under my own power most of the time and carry it on a standard car rack. I've looked at e-trikes for stability, but they're too heavy and cumbersome.

2. Hydraulic disc brakes, belt drive and sealed motor hub (expensive but cleaner for commuting and lower maintenance), torque sensor.

3. Integrated lights.

4. Fenders, chain guard, rear rack, kickstand, phone holder included or available at reasonable cost.

5. Visual appeal - colors, not too obvious battery, etc.

Overnight recharge is fine, the battery doesn't have to be removable.

Possibilities so far:

Priority Current (via Costco). review,
review
Con:

• Rigid frame
• Complaints about required pedalling and power distribution on hills

Pro:

• Meets most of the requirements
• Model has been out for a few years with an established track record
• Well-reviewed

RadPower Radster Road Regular review, review
Pro:

• Checks all requirements
• Safety emphasis

Con:

• Heavy (78 lbs.)

Electric Bike Company Model E or R
review, review
Pro:

• Extensive customization available

Con:

• Cruiser style less likely to be comfortable for long rides
• Model R is 78 lbs.

Ride1Up 700 Series ST review, review
Pro:

• Inexpensive
• Meets most requirements

Con:

• Assembly difficulties reported, no local dealer

Aventon Level.2 Step-through review, review

This is still early research... but more questions:

• What am I failing to consider?
• What's an appropriate price point to look at for my requirements (keeping in mind that I'd be paying as much as $150/mo. for transit when not using the bike)?
• Anyone else in a similar spot?

Edit - updates on continuing research, for those interested in comfort bikes... So many manufacturers! It might be time to turn the optimizer brain off. Quite a few of the online-only vendors are just mixing and matching Chinese parts. Reports of terrible customer support and quality/safety issues are common.

New candidates:

Cannondale Adventure Neo 2 EQ Speed

Reviews of this specific newer Class 3 model are scarce, but other Neo models get mostly rave reviews from older riders with various disabilities. As much as I've loved Cannondale bikes, there are some reported quality and design issues in comments that give me pause. The only reason I'd consider an e-bike in this price range is if it's a durable, realistic car replacement capable of safe use in very bad conditions.
Pro:

• Most of the important wishlist items covered
• Top quality powertrain and gearing parts
• Torque assist - comments say it's smooth and you never miss a manual throttle
• Versatile for city and road
• Locally available

Con:

• High price even with quality factored in
• Chain guard not included, and it should be at this price
• Comments mention battery is difficult to remove

Envo seems like a reliable Canadian brand that's doing interesting things. There are U.S. distributors. Dollar purchasing power makes this a potentially excellent value choice.
Envo Lynx 20" Only one professional review, but customers seem happy. I wasn't considering folding bikes originally, but this seems well-made, has English-language support, and has decent specs for the price and flexibility.

Envo ST 50 - few if any comments available, but the stepover D50 model gets rave reviews. Meets all requirements, with excellent range for longer trips.

Mokwheel Asphalt ST review, review, review
Pro:

• Meets wishlist with moderately priced accessory package
• Adjustable stem angle
• Excellent price for features
• Extra safety lights

Con:

• DTC-only (US-based)
• Lower-quality and range of gearing

Tenways AGO T review, review
Pro:

• Meets wishlist
• Premium components
• No-brainer torque control and CVT
• Stylish

Con:

• May be underpowered for steep hills
• Class 2 limited (may be hackable)
• DTC, based outside US

Zen Photon Pro review
Pro:

• Wishlist mostly covered
• Premium components
• Powerful hill-climbing capability
• Long range

Con:

• Price is over upper limit of budget
• Relatively new to market
• Users complain about weight

Ride1Up Prodigy V2 LS CVT review, review, review, review non-CVT. This might be the pick - meets requirements and then some, good value for quality, relatively future-ready, adaptable for the conditions I'm likely to encounter, and comfortable. It doesn't hurt that it's $300 off right now.