27 votes

Share a true story from your life in five lines or less

Self-explanatory.

62 comments

  1. [3]
    kfwyre
    Link
    "Did you know that teaching is the only career that makes you pay for your own background check?" "Really?" "Yup! Nobody else I see pays out of pocket for it. Anyway, your total for the...

    "Did you know that teaching is the only career
    that makes you pay for your own background check?"

    "Really?"

    "Yup! Nobody else I see pays out of pocket for it.
    Anyway, your total for the fingerprinting is $50."

    25 votes
    1. smores
      Link Parent
      I have seen this first hand in NYC! It’s BONKERS!

      I have seen this first hand in NYC! It’s BONKERS!

      5 votes
    2. culturedleftfoot
      Link Parent
      I can't remember what it was I applied for, but it wasn't anything to do with teaching and they tried that on me. I didn't want the job that badly.

      I can't remember what it was I applied for, but it wasn't anything to do with teaching and they tried that on me. I didn't want the job that badly.

      3 votes
  2. [6]
    Douglas
    Link
    My self-esteem was plagued with doubts. I'd create, and draw, and write amounts. One day my work was recognized by someone whom I idolized! It's done away with my anxieties, but now I'm just lazy.

    My self-esteem was plagued with doubts.
    I'd create, and draw, and write amounts.
    One day my work was recognized
    by someone whom I idolized!
    It's done away with my anxieties,
    but now I'm just lazy.

    21 votes
    1. [2]
      mrbig
      Link Parent
      Maybe your anxieties were the reason you wrote in the first place?

      Maybe your anxieties were the reason you wrote in the first place?

      4 votes
      1. Douglas
        Link Parent
        Oh most definitely; I wasn't nearly as content as I am now.

        Oh most definitely; I wasn't nearly as content as I am now.

        3 votes
    2. Muffin
      Link Parent
      Hah, what a journey. Been there, kinda!

      Hah, what a journey. Been there, kinda!

  3. [7]
    mrbig
    (edited )
    Link
    Once upon a time I thought I would die a virgin. A pretty girl came along and promptly proved me wrong. Years later I met a guy and we became best buds. I introduced them, wishing they’d hit it...

    Once upon a time I thought I would die a virgin.
    A pretty girl came along and promptly proved me wrong.
    Years later I met a guy and we became best buds.
    I introduced them, wishing they’d hit it off.
    My wish came to fruition, but maybe a bit too much.

    18 votes
    1. [4]
      Douglas
      Link Parent
      Oh man, my first girlfriend back in high school broke up with me shortly after they'd met in a sound booth with one of my other friends. I honestly wished them no ill-will (she and I had only been...

      Oh man, my first girlfriend back in high school broke up with me shortly after they'd met in a sound booth with one of my other friends. I honestly wished them no ill-will (she and I had only been together two weeks) and wish we all could've stayed friends, but I think they thought that would've been awkward-- which they're right, looking back it would've been.

      I think they were together for five years or so, so good on them.

      6 votes
      1. [3]
        mrbig
        Link Parent
        Your story seems a lot less painful. Me and my then girlfriend had been together for 4 years.

        Your story seems a lot less painful. Me and my then girlfriend had been together for 4 years.

        3 votes
        1. [2]
          Douglas
          Link Parent
          Ah man, that is indeed a lot more pain.

          Ah man, that is indeed a lot more pain.

          3 votes
          1. mrbig
            Link Parent
            Thankfully it is now part of the past!

            Thankfully it is now part of the past!

            3 votes
  4. Omnicrola
    Link
    The middle brother texted everyone last night to say they're continuing isolation until well after the baby is born. Dad replies that they're considering if they should or shouldn't go on a large...

    The middle brother texted everyone last night to say they're continuing isolation until well after the baby is born.

    Dad replies that they're considering if they should or shouldn't go on a large church camping trip later this month, in a state where few are taking social distancing and masks seriously.

    I call my youngest brother and have a 3 hour conversation about how worried I am for him and my nieces, and why I think this is way more serious than everyone he lives and works with is taking it.

    Near the end, he mentions that he does have a mask, that he rarely wears. It says "Trump 2020" on it.

    Now I'm depressed.

    16 votes
  5. [4]
    RyJones
    Link
    I felt pretty good about guessing the ages of the pretty ladies at the bar in Tokyo They guessed mine as about 20 years older than I am Thanks, go away

    I felt pretty good about guessing the ages of the pretty ladies at the bar in Tokyo

    They guessed mine as about 20 years older than I am

    Thanks, go away

    15 votes
    1. [3]
      mrbig
      (edited )
      Link Parent
      People usually think I’m much younger. Up until my early 30s this bothered me quite a bit. Now that I’m pushing 40, not so much.

      People usually think I’m much younger. Up until my early 30s this bothered me quite a bit. Now that I’m pushing 40, not so much.

      6 votes
      1. [2]
        RyJones
        Link Parent
        I passed as late 20s-early 30s from about 16 until about 25. I'll be 50 next year, and apparently I look like I'm 70?

        I passed as late 20s-early 30s from about 16 until about 25. I'll be 50 next year, and apparently I look like I'm 70?

        6 votes
        1. Douglas
          Link Parent
          I think most younger people are bad at guessing older people's ages until they reach those ages themselves.

          I think most younger people are bad at guessing older people's ages until they reach those ages themselves.

          8 votes
  6. [5]
    patience_limited
    Link
    Boyfriend, a bad driver, found the ice on the bridge. A whole crystalline minute of the world revolving around me in silent perfection, without fear or anger, no thoughts but staying in this last...

    Boyfriend, a bad driver, found the ice on the bridge.

    A whole crystalline minute of the world revolving around me in silent perfection, without fear or anger, no thoughts but staying in this last moment.

    Regretting the return to the road ahead, as shaky boyfriend praised me for not screaming.

    How could sex be anything but a disappointment afterward!

    Goodbye.

    12 votes
    1. [4]
      mrbig
      Link Parent
      I feel like I need some clarification :P

      I feel like I need some clarification :P

      3 votes
      1. [3]
        patience_limited
        Link Parent
        Well, that's my poor writing at work. 🙃 Here's the long version: Then-boyfriend was going 105 kph (65 mph) in a 88 kph (55 mph) zone. I was 17, and dumb enough to think rule-breakers were cool. I...
        • Exemplary

        Well, that's my poor writing at work. 🙃

        Here's the long version:

        Then-boyfriend was going 105 kph (65 mph) in a 88 kph (55 mph) zone. I was 17, and dumb enough to think rule-breakers were cool. I think he was showing off to impress me. He was 35, with a predilection for younger women and girls that would eventually earn him jail time.

        We Northerners are generally very well aware that drivers have to beware of icy bridges in cold weather. The film of ice can be slippery as wet glass, and completely invisible.

        This particular bridge was a long river crossing. Locals knew that fatal crashes and vehicular drowning accidents from spinouts on ice happened every few years. There were "Bridge may be icy" signs posted, and the speed limit was down to 70 kph (45 mph); boyfriend didn't slow down.

        The car immediately started spinning when we hit the ice. At that time, cars didn't have all of the traction and stability controls of modern vehicles. As soon as the spin started, I knew in my bones that there was almost no ability to control where we went.

        The car never departed from the road surface, but we missed the bridge wall by about a centimeter. It pirouetted eight times (I counted) before coming to rest again.

        If you've ever had an adrenaline rush in the midst of a crisis, you'll be aware that your perception of time alters. In my case, while the spin wasn't quite as dramatic as this car flip, you'll get a good idea of the subjective pace at which I experienced it.

        It was bizarrely peaceful. There was no possible action, nothing I could do or say that would change the outcome, only what felt like a connection to sensory experience so profound that fear of death or anger at idiot boyfriend didn't enter the picture at all. I still remember the texture of the vinyl armrest under my hand, the expansion of my ribs with the first gasp of shock, the salt-streaked view of the sunrise sky through the windshield. Weirdly, I don't recall hearing anything at all - the scene is totally silent in memory.

        I'd had brief, tiny glimpses of that speeded-up, impending catastrophe-vision before, but they lasted a second or two at most, and ended in a great deal of pain. This incident was so lasting by comparison, I could luxuriate in the seemingly endless stream of vivid impressions. Coming through intact at the end was just an unexpected bonus.

        When the car stopped, boyfriend started babbling from relief as we resumed our trip back to his place. "You were so calm! Any other girl would have been screaming her head off!". I had some evanescent worries about when he might have heard girls screaming, but really, really wanted to think about that amazing moment of clarity instead.

        I don't recall any details of our subsequent tryst. I suppose he could have been amazing, and it just didn't make any impression at all in the face of the previous incident. My farewell to him after that date was our final one.

        Some years later, I read J.G. Ballard's science fiction novel, Crash, with cringey recognition. I understood why people would intentionally seek dangerous thrills - that greater-than-sexual intensity. Many more years later, I went skydiving, and that was its own epiphany in the same vein.

        14 votes
        1. [2]
          culturedleftfoot
          Link Parent
          I got everything the first time round except the sex bit, I thought you were just saying his being a jerk in bed was in line with driving so recklessly lol. Thanks for the clarification.

          I got everything the first time round except the sex bit, I thought you were just saying his being a jerk in bed was in line with driving so recklessly lol. Thanks for the clarification.

          3 votes
          1. patience_limited
            Link Parent
            It's one of the weirder and less examined aspects of the U.S. experience that we spend so much of our lives in cars. A substantial number of the most significant emotional dramas in my experience...

            It's one of the weirder and less examined aspects of the U.S. experience that we spend so much of our lives in cars. A substantial number of the most significant emotional dramas in my experience have taken place between me and passengers or drivers. I think driving culture shapes our personalities and cognitive faculties as much as anything else. We tend to think of everything - science, relationships, progress, history, etc. as having a predictable direction, a single vector aimed from one point towards another.

            On reflection, the relationship with the boyfriend mentioned was a lot like the icy near-accident; no planned direction, a lot of exciting spinning in place, and an anti-climactic halt. It's a metaphor that applies to much of life in actuality.

            2 votes
  7. [2]
    Tygrak
    Link
    Am I even human? I can't remember if I ever cried. One day as I home arrive, I learned my grandma died. Is that the price you have to pay to feel alive?
    • Exemplary

    Am I even human? I can't remember if I ever cried.
    One day as I home arrive,
    I learned my grandma died.
    Is that the price you have to pay to feel alive?

    8 votes
    1. mrbig
      (edited )
      Link Parent
      This is great - your story, not that your grandma died. And don’t worry about not crying. People feel and express emotions in different ways. Don’t let the extroverted make you feel bad.

      This is great - your story, not that your grandma died.

      And don’t worry about not crying. People feel and express emotions in different ways. Don’t let the extroverted make you feel bad.

      4 votes
  8. [7]
    Thrabalen
    Link
    A friend's mom once OD'd in our bathroom. I called for an ambulance. They took her to the hospital. Thankfully, she lived. I never saw that friend again.

    A friend's mom once OD'd in our bathroom.
    I called for an ambulance.
    They took her to the hospital.
    Thankfully, she lived.
    I never saw that friend again.

    11 votes
    1. [6]
      mrbig
      (edited )
      Link Parent
      What was the context? During a party or just out of the blue?

      What was the context? During a party or just out of the blue?

      3 votes
      1. [5]
        Thrabalen
        Link Parent
        Not even during a party. They came over to visit, Mom wasn't home so it was just me, friend's mom asks to use the bathroom. I was a naive little 15 year old, so I had no idea she was a user.

        Not even during a party. They came over to visit, Mom wasn't home so it was just me, friend's mom asks to use the bathroom. I was a naive little 15 year old, so I had no idea she was a user.

        6 votes
        1. [4]
          mrbig
          Link Parent
          One must be really addicted to not be able to wait until getting home!

          One must be really addicted to not be able to wait until getting home!

          5 votes
          1. [3]
            Thrabalen
            Link Parent
            That's the nature of the beast, sadly. The really sad thing is, I looked up the family recently. She outlived both her daughters. With that kind of role model, they never stood a chance.

            That's the nature of the beast, sadly. The really sad thing is, I looked up the family recently. She outlived both her daughters. With that kind of role model, they never stood a chance.

            6 votes
            1. [2]
              SantalBlush
              Link Parent
              At one of my old jobs, we hired a guy from a vocational rehab program. He told me he was smoking crack with his mother at age 13. He was a really nice guy. Now he's back in prison. It's just like...

              At one of my old jobs, we hired a guy from a vocational rehab program. He told me he was smoking crack with his mother at age 13. He was a really nice guy. Now he's back in prison.

              It's just like you say, he never stood a chance.

              3 votes
              1. culturedleftfoot
                Link Parent
                OTOH, I met a guy not too long ago who ended up telling me he never watched Breaking Bad because it brought up too many bad memories of how he grew up: making, using, and selling meth with his...

                OTOH, I met a guy not too long ago who ended up telling me he never watched Breaking Bad because it brought up too many bad memories of how he grew up: making, using, and selling meth with his dad, from the age of 8 onwards. His life has been a hell of a rollercoaster, from the stories he's mentioned. Now he's late 30s, working on construction jobs and learning the business from a contractor friend.

                I don't think it's ever easy, but if you can really decide you want to make a change, there's always hope.

                3 votes
  9. UntouchedWagons
    Link
    I had appendicitis once. It felt like I was being stabbed. Spent four days in the hospital. Had an appendectomy 6 weeks later. I'm all good now.

    I had appendicitis once.
    It felt like I was being stabbed.
    Spent four days in the hospital.
    Had an appendectomy 6 weeks later.
    I'm all good now.

    11 votes
  10. [4]
    beanie
    Link
    I went to the bank to deposit my last unemployment check. I decided to walk instead of drive to get out of the house for a bit. A teller and customer were in a heated discussion on their views of...

    I went to the bank to deposit my last unemployment check. I decided to walk instead of drive to get out of the house for a bit. A teller and customer were in a heated discussion on their views of using the automated ATM. I interjected, saying I'm unemployed to try and diffuse the intense debate. The customer and I had a short talk on our career/education background, then gave me his info. I sent him my resume... he's my boss now.

    11 votes
    1. [2]
      Kuromantis
      Link Parent
      Was(is?) he a good boss?

      Was(is?) he a good boss?

      3 votes
      1. beanie
        Link Parent
        He has his good and bad, just like anyone else! With COVID, I'm just happy to have a job, so I try and not let the bad get to me. I've lost a job before, it's not fun. So I'm happy someone took...

        He has his good and bad, just like anyone else! With COVID, I'm just happy to have a job, so I try and not let the bad get to me. I've lost a job before, it's not fun. So I'm happy someone took the chance with me and I hope I don't screw it up (more than I've maybe already have)!

        2 votes
    2. kfwyre
      Link Parent
      This is so heartwarming. :) Congrats, and thank you for sharing!

      This is so heartwarming. :) Congrats, and thank you for sharing!

      1 vote
  11. [2]
    Kuromantis
    (edited )
    Link
    Have barely started to do growing up tasks like figuring out what I want to do when adult. Saw peaceful protestors can get gassed cause someone wanted them to be. Apparently this is what my future...

    Have barely started to do growing up tasks like figuring out what I want to do when adult.

    Saw peaceful protestors can get gassed cause someone wanted them to be.

    Apparently this is what my future looks like.

    That bothered me enough to write a poem to share the angst.

    And I don't even like poems that much.

    P.S: Does not count for mobile portrait mode.

    10 votes
    1. mrbig
      Link Parent
      The young usually think their slice of life represents the whole existence. Don’t worry so much: for better or worse, everything changes.

      The young usually think their slice of life represents the whole existence.
      Don’t worry so much: for better or worse, everything changes.

      1 vote
  12. culturedleftfoot
    Link
    She saw the disgust on my face whenever I ignored my ex's calls, but still felt she couldn't trust me. "Tell her to stop," she'd say; I'd reply, "I'm not even getting involved with that, and you...

    She saw the disgust on my face whenever I ignored my ex's calls, but still felt she couldn't trust me.

    "Tell her to stop," she'd say; I'd reply, "I'm not even getting involved with that, and you shouldn't either."

    She snooped and didn't find anything, since there was nothing to find... but when I found out she did, she lied to me.

    Years later, she e-mails me to say that she misses me.

    Her message begins, "I hope you won't make that face."

    9 votes
  13. [2]
    DanBC
    Link
    I see her ghost in the faces of strangers.

    I see her ghost in the faces of strangers.

    8 votes
  14. [3]
    ChuckS
    Link
    I flew a paper airplanes when I was a kid, but one time a plane got stuck in a tree. I tried to get it down myself, but I was too small, so I started throwing things at it to get it down. Picked...

    I flew a paper airplanes when I was a kid, but one time a plane got stuck in a tree. I tried to get it down myself, but I was too small, so I started throwing things at it to get it down. Picked up a rock when I ran out of sticks, but I missed the tree and broke a window in the apartment behind the tree. Ran home, terrified, not really sure how to react. Got spanked for not telling my parents immediately, lost allowance for a few weeks, and learned to check behind the target before releasing a shot.

    7 votes
    1. [2]
      mrbig
      Link Parent
      I like that you learned to perfect your shots, since not throwing any rocks is clearly not an option for a kid.

      I like that you learned to perfect your shots, since not throwing any rocks is clearly not an option for a kid.

      1 vote
  15. [8]
    moocow1452
    Link
    It started, like most pretentious stories, with a woman. We met each other in high school and we were strong acquaintances, if not friends. After graduating, I wanted to get together, maybe as an...
    • It started, like most pretentious stories, with a woman.
    • We met each other in high school and we were strong acquaintances, if not friends.
    • After graduating, I wanted to get together, maybe as an attachment thing since we were going to different colleges.
    • She put up with me for a bit, then ghosted, understanding before I did that I was in love with her confidence.
    • I still feel really bad about that.
    6 votes
    1. [7]
      mrbig
      Link Parent
      What does that really mean?

      I was in love with her confidence

      What does that really mean?

      1. [6]
        moocow1452
        Link Parent
        I was in love with the impossible to exist person who I thought she was. Rather, I was attracted to the confidence that she put off.

        I was in love with the impossible to exist person who I thought she was. Rather, I was attracted to the confidence that she put off.

        5 votes
        1. [5]
          mrbig
          Link Parent
          Okay. Is there such a thing as being in love with something that exists? In Portuguese we call that “paixão”, so it’s natural to distinguish it from love. “Paixão” is a bed sheet thrown over...

          Okay. Is there such a thing as being in love with something that exists? In Portuguese we call that “paixão”, so it’s natural to distinguish it from love. “Paixão” is a bed sheet thrown over emptiness above which we walk.

          5 votes
          1. [2]
            beanie
            Link Parent
            wait... can you dive into this more? I want to understand this concept more. It's cool and unfortunate that language barriers exist. Just by one language having a word, they have access to a...

            “Paixão” is a bed sheet thrown over emptiness above which we walk.

            wait... can you dive into this more? I want to understand this concept more.

            It's cool and unfortunate that language barriers exist. Just by one language having a word, they have access to a feeling/idea/culture that another doesn't. Words can shape your world view just by them existing... What is “Paixão”!?

            3 votes
            1. mrbig
              (edited )
              Link Parent
              There’s not any difference between being in love and being apaixonado, but I believe the fact that paixão does not contain the word “love” provides a helpful distinction. Being apaixonado can be...

              There’s not any difference between being in love and being apaixonado, but I believe the fact that paixão does not contain the word “love” provides a helpful distinction.

              Being apaixonado can be described as strong, all consuming infatuation. It feels real and permanent but only time will tell if it will fade away or be replaced with long lasting love.

              This is not to say that Brazilians have romance all figured out, of course.

              2 votes
          2. [2]
            moocow1452
            Link Parent
            Doesn't really matter. I had a post about understanding is a key element of love and you can't understand something that doesn't exist, but when this involves another person, they obviously would...

            Is there such a thing as being in love with something that exists?

            Doesn't really matter. I had a post about understanding is a key element of love and you can't understand something that doesn't exist, but when this involves another person, they obviously would argue for their own existance, and would like their feelings taken into account.

            1. mrbig
              (edited )
              Link Parent
              Okay, first one must differentiate love from infatuation, what English speakers call being “in love”. They’re distinct, but deeply intertwined. Infatuation (being “in love”) requires, necessarily,...

              Okay, first one must differentiate love from infatuation, what English speakers call being “in love”. They’re distinct, but deeply intertwined.

              Infatuation (being “in love”) requires, necessarily, and inflation of the object’s qualities. A form of delusion recreates the desired object in idealized form, in such a way that its proximity becomes a matter of ultimate necessity. The boundaries of personal identity dissolve in the process, overlapping with desire itself in a never ending thirst.

              Love is more specific and hard to define, but it definitely contains a more grounded appreciation of its object, as well as an overall consideration for its well being.

              Infatuation, on the other hand, can more easily absorb and harm its object. But it’s frequently just a super fun ride.

  16. knocklessmonster
    Link
    3 teens and their dad piled into a '71 beetle. 19 hours and six sparkplugs later, they went 130 miles.

    3 teens and their dad piled into a '71 beetle.

    19 hours and six sparkplugs later, they went 130 miles.

    5 votes
  17. Kuromantis
    Link
    Super late, but oh well. My school made a 'tree' for people to write their desires in. Someone wrote 'friends'. Sideways, with poor handwriting, not in cursive, reeee. For all it's worth, that...

    Super late, but oh well.

    My school made a 'tree' for people to write their desires in.

    Someone wrote 'friends'. Sideways, with poor handwriting, not in cursive, reeee.

    For all it's worth, that person wasn't me.

    5 votes
  18. Kuromantis
    (edited )
    Link
    Someday I was watching online-class and someone asked us to define 'opinion article'. I said it was an article someone wrote to argue for a point of view of theirs. She answered with those words...

    Someday I was watching online-class and someone asked us to define 'opinion article'.

    I said it was an article someone wrote to argue for a point of view of theirs.

    She answered with those words nearly verbatim.

    That was the proudest I have ever felt about myself. I was genuinely smiling at that.

    P.S: Does not count for mobile portrait mode.

    4 votes
  19. GhostHardware
    Link
    Let's humblebrag about the time I peaked as an 11-year old, in an excessive display of run-on sentences, because I am awful at constrained writing: My (Dutch) primary school held a spelling...

    Let's humblebrag about the time I peaked as an 11-year old, in an excessive display of run-on sentences, because I am awful at constrained writing:

    My (Dutch) primary school held a spelling contest for all students in the eighth grade and participation was mandatory.

    My teacher dictated a story, which I absent-mindedly wrote down on a piece of official-looking paper, and I promptly won.

    Winning one of the local school competitions (a feat accomplished mostly by accident) meant I and about sixty other kids from across the nation were automatically entered into a national, live TV spelling contest, taking place inside the hall where the Senate of the Kingdom of the Netherlands meets once a week.

    Came in second with nine mistakes and was bested by a Frisian girl with buckteeth who only got four mistakes, but I got a nice pen out of it, and a handshake with a bunch of superduper very famous Dutch people that I, an 11-year old kid with an unhealthy interest in dinosaurs and memorizing the capitals of each sovereign country in the world, did not care for all that much.

    4 votes
  20. rogue_cricket
    (edited )
    Link
    It is a warm and sunny day and I am working in my front lawn when a stranger approaches. "Would you like a kiwi?" she asks. Before I can answer, she reaches forward and I reach to meet her. A...

    It is a warm and sunny day and I am working in my front lawn when a stranger approaches.
    "Would you like a kiwi?" she asks. Before I can answer, she reaches forward and
    I reach to meet her. A reflex, maybe. The fuzzy fruit lands in my palm.
    She smiles, turns, and disappears back down the trail. Silence.
    I don't even like kiwi.

    4 votes
  21. Kuromantis
    Link
    Under/about 2 years ago, I first masturbated. That year, I immediately tried no nut November. I failed within a week. Oh well.

    Under/about 2 years ago, I first masturbated.

    That year, I immediately tried no nut November.

    I failed within a week. Oh well.