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Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (April 2024)
This is a monthly thread for those who need it. Vent, share your experiences, ask for advice, talk about how you are doing. Let's make this a compassionate space for all who may need one.
I'm gonna vent a bit here.
Nothing is going my way as of late. Every time I try to focus on positives, there's always an and or but after which only negatives follow, and those always outweigh the good and always take my focus and trains of thought.
Like, I've made a new and really good friend (from here on Tildes actually). But a couple of other friends seem to be growing away, focusing on their own lives. And I have a hard time believing they are deprioritizing everyone and everything in their lives in the way that they are doing with me. It's becoming so rare that they take the initiative, and even if they do, it's usually with topics about themselves. Maybe I'm unlucky and just happen to find selfish friends all the time. But it really feels like I know absolutely everything about them because I always ask what they're up to, how they're doing, etc., whereas they barely know the first thing about me because they never bother to ask "and how are you" back even though I'd think everyone would consider it pretty basic politeness? One of them spent hours venting to me about her issues, one after another, and even the next day she kept going. I understand not asking anything back when you're in the middle of a stressful situation. But it's a week later and she still hasn't messaged me anything at all. So here I am, feeling like they don't care about me, that they use me, even.
(CW: SH) I'm also in therapy, which ought to be a positive thing too, or at least constructive. But I wish I wasn't, I'm not doing the work, and I want to just go back to my self destructive patterns. It's just too much to deal with. I have just as many nightmares as I always did. There are so many exercises, and I have to train them at least once per day, as well as registering/rating my mood every day. It had been three months that I had refrained from self harm, but then I start this therapy and it's so overwhelming that even though it's specifically tailored to teach strategies on prevention, I am right back to doing it as bad as I did before said long clean streak. Therapy is not able to do miracles, but it's been 2 months so I feel like I should be seeing some slight results at least. But I'm not - it's the exact opposite.
Like with friendships, there's a similar thing going in terms of family. There was an Easter lunch on Friday and I was looking forward to it a lot because I rarely see family anymore on account of moving to another island. But even though I, my brother, and cousins have always had a pretty decent bond because of our similar ages, they have all started building families, buying houses, getting married, etc. And there I am, 7 of the last 10 years spent on welfare while everyone else are hitting all the big milestones in life, even going so far as to sharing experiences with hired help like cleaning ladies and window cleaners - for reference, I am only just able to afford to survive. One of them is going to be buying a 6 million kroner ($864162) house. Others are talking incessantly about their babies. And I understand their pride and love for their children, but houses and children is literally all that was talked about in this company where only 2 of 10 people have kids. It's not an entirely new thing, because my cousins were ahead even as teens, talking about high school whereas I only finished 9th grade. Then in our early 20's it was about university and I again was not in university, and in our mid-late 20's it was often about work but there was common ground at this point. However now that property, kids, marriage, etc., is in the mix, I feel as stuck as ever and I really have literally nothing in common with these people anymore. When I got home from this lunch, I went straight to bed and when I woke up the next day, I relapsed yet again. My family makes me feel completely invisible and like a total stranger - I can't relate to them, and they sure as shit can't relate to me either. My one cousin talked about her husband's back injury, and how he has no energy in the day to day. And yeah, that does really suck for him. But I'm just sitting there, wondering if a single person in this company realized that she was describing how I've lived my entire life. A back injury is not stigmatized or taboo though, and it seemed completely foreign to her to not be happy or able bodied. It's no surprise though, she's far from the only one of my cousins who is completely blind to how insanely privileged they are.
Speaking of family, I'm going to be an aunt. But..
Trigger warning for sexual abuse
..my brother, the father of the child, repeatedly sexually abused me when I was around 12, and he also attempted to rape me. And so I'm not really happy that he's going to become a father because I am so scared that he is going to do the same sort of thing to his child. My brother is only 3 years older than me though so I'm very cognizant that he may not really be a pedophile. And maybe he did these things without being entirely aware of how wrong it was. I mean, he definitely knew it was wrong, because he made me promise not to tell anyone. But maybe he didn't know how wrong it was. I tried to confront him about ten years after the fact but he didn't know what I was talking about - so he either actually forgot or only pretends to have forgotten. In any case, I have to pretend to be happy for him but in reality I dread it. I occasionally forget what he did to me when there are family functions like this lunch, but sometimes he'll be talking about something and I'll sit there and just look at him, knowing what he's capable of. It doesn't really move me to be in his company - in fact, he's pretty fun to be around. Which is a very strange thing to say, considering he is part of the reason why I am as mentally ill as I am. Trauma responses are not black and white, I guess.
Thanks for reading ❤️
Hi, I read your post and wanted to acknowledge that your thoughts and feelings have been seen here and that your venting is welcome. I wish I had some wise words or advice that could help alleviate any amount of what you're dealing with in your life, but I find that empathy is all I've got to proffer.
I hope that knowing a stranger on the other side of the world has seen and considered your words is of some small solace. We may not know one another, but I do know that your life and your experiences matter, so thank you for sharing.
Empathy is enough. It means a lot, thank you
It sounds like you're going through utter hell right now... Those friends you mentioned fit the description of “energy vampires”, and I would be would be side eyeing your family (especially the adults back then) if they knew about your brother and said nothing... But I am an internet stranger who doesn't know the full picture, so take what I say with a grain of salt. It's really hard to not compare yourself to your peers, but try to remember that everyone has their own timeline. I don't think you are less of a person just because you haven't reached traditional milestones - milestones that were blocked by the setbacks you've endured. You've made it this far, and you still have a life of possibilities ahead! You still have time to surround yourself with others who make you feel safe and secure. I hope that one day, your positives outweigh your negatives.
I never told family about it. Only ever therapists and the like. And I did recently start opening up about it with very close friends, decades after the fact. And internet strangers I suppose lol, those aren't too scary.
I do try to remember something similar to how you put it about people's own timeline. It's just tough because I want to move on and have a sense of normalcy, but I just can't. But thank you for the kind words
The things you were saying about how others seem to be flying by while you're stuck trying to heal and relapsing reminded me of a concept I learned about called "queer time". Where queer folk don't feel their life milestones line up like non-queer folks' do. So much time is spent/wasted trying to fight who you are to try to fit in, then figuring out it's okay to be you, and then finally starting to live life, but not completely being able to, simply because you're still grappling with the trauma of being forced to live in a society that didn't acknowledge you as a different type of person/life.
I highly encourage you to seek more info on this and to talk to queer folk, or anyone who has experienced this. Maybe having people like you to talk to will make you feel a bit better (them too). I'm one of them :)
I am queer myself and have heard of it - an essay/article about that was posted here not 2 weeks ago. I read about it a few years ago but it's in my bookmarks because I want to re-read it. So yeah you are definitely not wrong. I just feel my issues go quite far beyond just queerness although it certainly doesn't help and has absolutely been one of the things that has handicapped me in life. Thank you, anyway, for the comment
so, learning to manage mental health is not a formula. yes it's good to have exercises but if the current approach is resulting in increased SH, tell your care team and tell them u need something different. at the same time, if you are beginning trauma work, all sorts of shit is going to come up and like... i don't know how you're supposed to have a fighting chance if you're still working on the "basics" (getting stable enough with coping skills that you can combat your SH urges). it might be that the excercises/tools they gave you work, but that they were established for a pre-deep-diving into trauma smoontjes. a bandaid will work to protect a scratch while it heals, but if something makes it bigger or it gets infected, you need a different bandage, maybe daily cleaning, and antibiotics. does that make sense??
there is a lot going on, so i'm just going to focus on this specific part of your post. however, i would like to mention that many, many, many people get "late starts" in life: i am one of them! and many people who have met all the "milestones" have to play catchup with things they neglected to get to those milestones.
That first paragraph of yours just about sums up my own thoughts on it too. It does seem paradoxical that I am not well enough to have started therapy, like cancelling a doctor's visit because you're sick.. but yeah, I am still working on the basics of distress tolerance and coping skills. I have brought it up multiple times already because yeah, I do feel I should still be in the (and this line made me laugh lol) "pre-deep-diving into trauma smoontjes" phase of therapy. Hopefully things change the longer I'm in therapy but anyway, thanks for this. Makes me feel very seen
if it's an option, don't be afraid to fire your therapist (i know sometimes it can be difficult to change providers depending on the rules of your healthcare system/availability). therapists can be bad at their jobs unfortunately, or at least just not a good fit. this is a situation where I would take a hardline: "I don't feel safe exploring this. I am setting a firm boundary and want to focus on day to day management so I can have a strong foundation for trauma work in the future."
if they respond poorly, I would personally be pretty hesitant to continue working with them. one of the hardest things to do is self advocate when you're struggling like this, but it's vital and ultimately kind of healing tbh - now that we are grown up, we can listen to our intuition and have much more control over what happens to us.
if you ever need to talk, i've been working through a lot of similar stuff; feel free to dm me anytime
Well there is socialized healthcare in my country so as you might imagine, there are some monkey's paw situations - like therapists are assigned, not freely picked by patients. But thank you, I will definitely keep this in mind!
yes, I was wondering if that was the case. if things don't seem to improve, it might be good to see if there are forums where people in your country discuss navigating the mental healthcare system; there are bound to be mismatches between provider and client, and i'm optimistic there is some kind of mechanism to deal with those situations!
This is a really good explanation of therapy and mental health management, just wanted to give some kudos!
thank you, it's been a long ass journey lmao
I want to say that it’s clear that you’ve got some pretty strong difficulties in your life and past. And on top of that, certainly because of that, your ways of thinking keep you miserable. I’m sorry and it’s definitely not your fault (really, you aren’t the you from even 5 seconds ago, your mind isn’t your brain and the brain fights the mind’s attempts to fix it). As for therapy - there’s no certain timeline which you can expect to see any given result at. I would definitely recommend mixing things up if you feel stuck. You can try psychedelic assisted therapy for example, different types of talk therapy, etc.
Mentally I am doing fine, but I would like to complain about the US healthcare system for a bit.
I switched health insurance this January because my company ended the plan I was on. This was from a Blue Shield HMO to a Blue Shield PPO. I figured, since it was the same company but a different plan, this would be a mostly seamless transition. Boy was I wrong. My only ongoing prescription medication I am currently on is straterra for ADHD. I have been stable on this for almost a year, and Blue Shield has been paying for these drugs the entire time. I went to refill my prescription two weeks ago, and my pharmacy said I needed a prior authorization for my insurance. I truly don't understand why insurance companies came up with the prior authorization system. Just to outline the situation: I have a psychiatrist who is licensed that says I need this medication. I have a pharmacy that is happy to give me this medication. And my insurance wants me to confirm with my psychiatrist that I actually need this medication??? WTF??? If my doctor didn't think I needed this medication, I would not have a prescription for this medication. My prescription is proof that I have all the "prior authorization" I should need. Insurance companies need to get off their high horses and actually do what they are expected to do.
Also, after over an hour on phone calls with various companies, I found out that my "Blue Shield PPO" is not actually run by blue shield. I have to set up a new account to actually get my information (like the account numbers I need to give to my doctor and pharmacy). I still have a blue shield login, and their website doesn't mention this at all. WTF?
Anyway, I have dealt with this roadblock pretty well all things considered. I definitely wouldn't have the executive function to go through this if I didn't already have my medication.
Ugh, insurance here is such a mess and makes no sense (except to cost us more money). Were you able to get them to cover your medication in the end or is it still ongoing? My Blue Cross PPO has been okay except for my ADHD evaluation, they're trying to claim it was not medically necessary. I'm fighting them on it and will keep appealing until they agree it was necessary. My disdain for insurance companies seems to motivate me to get this done.
Still ongoing, but I think I am in the home stretch. My psychiatrist office has the new info and sent the prior auth today. My pharmacy isn’t open today, but I’ll head there sometime this week. Thankfully I can get 90 day supply with refills, and I started the refill procedure as soon as my pharmacy let me. So I still have 3 weeks of drugs as of today. And if I do need to pay for it out of pocket, generic straterra is surprisingly cheap, so it wouldn’t be the end of the world.
Also, as a bonus, I think this insurance will cover mental health better than I thought. Last fall, I talked my psych into letting me get my scrip through my primary doctor since I thought psych visits would cost hundreds each time. But it appears that I can do follow ups for $0, so I scheduled an appointment. I feel pretty stable and don’t think I need ongoing psychiatric visits, but if they are free, I’ll take advantage of it.
Good luck on your fight to cover the diagnosis. I hate the narrative in the news and insurance companies that everyone is getting an ADHD diagnosis just to get drugs. That was a large part of why I waited so long to get my diagnosis, and I am sure it deters other people who could benefit from treatment.
Update: got my prior authorization accepted!
So get this weirdness. My insurance is Blue Shield of California. Except that its not. Blue shield has their logo on my insurance card, but its entirely managed by Collective Health. So I have an entirely different website and app I have to use for any actual insurance. Whatever, I can handle that. But all my prescription medication handling is through another company, CVS Caremark. You guessed it, another website to create an account for. I finally got all this information and had my doctor's office send the PA to Caremark, only for it to get denied because I was over 18 (I think this is the step I was at when I typed my original post). So I called Blue Shield, got forwarded to Collective Health, got forwarded to Caremark, only for them to tell me that prior authorizations for my insurance go through another company, RXbenefits. Seriously??? And yeah, thats another website and account I need to make. So I finally got my doctor's office to send my PA to the correct company. I know contracting out stuff to different companies is all the rage, but 4 levels of companies just for my health insurance????
I think the US healthcare complex needs to be burned down and rebuilt from scratch, but I also think we could get some huge benefits with a handful of simple regulations. Just make it so companies can't subcontract insurance (if they want to, they can be OtherCompany dba MyInsurance for all I care, but I shouldn't even know its a separate company. And I don't think prior authorizations should be a thing for entire classes of medications. If an insurance company wants to make sure that generics are tried before name brand, that is one thing. But my drug is a cheap generic, and psychiatrists should be trying non-stimulants like my drug before stimulants, so having a roadblock for non-stimulants is stupid. Add in a few other regulations like all prices must be publicly listed and non-negotiable, and heathcare in the US could be so much better than it is now.
Wow, that ended up so unnecessarily complicated in the end. I'm glad you were able to get it covered in the end.
My insurance is saying the psychological testing was unnecessary for my ADHD diagnosis because there are "more suitable ways to diagnose it." Which is true, in all fairness. I was referred to the facility I went to by my psychologist because she felt they would be more knowledgeable about the symptom overlaps and better able to differentiate between the diagnoses + they also take my insurance. They did a telehealth intake appointment and determined the psychological testing was a good fit for me, so I went with it because that's the only thing that was offered to me. Bipolar disorder runs in my family too, and there was a chance for PTSD on my part, so I was screened for both of those too. We'll see, I will appeal again.
It really is quite frustrating when multiple doctors say "this is necessary" and insurance comes back and says "but is it really?". I wish you luck on getting that covered. It sounds like your testing was much more intensive than what I went through, and likely more expensive. It also sucks that these processes are so unfriendly to those of us with ADHD.
35 yo, heavily depressed, passively suicidal, no work, still haven't finished a college/uni degree, no benefits/welfare because of silly rules and therefore reliant on the goodwill of my mom. Everything positive I try gets waved away by my brain after doing it. People say go out more, but nothing works to feel any sense of fulfillment to start to get the ball rolling towards a positive trend.
It's making me numb and most days are just spent in bed, listening to music or just taking drugs in moderation to get my mind off things while also working through it mentally in an introspective and reflective way.
Distraught and despondent.
My therapist and I have agreed to trial doing appointments every 3 weeks because I've been doing so much better. If this goes well, we'll move to once a month. She's given me so many tools to manage my anxiety, ADHD, and depression that I'm doing really well now, all things considered. I've gotten better at finding new tools on my own and evaluating how well they work for me. At this point, it's mostly figuring out my medication with the psychiatrist and keep meeting with my therapist as we go. I'm really proud of myself for the progress I've made the last couple of years in particular and how I've been advocating for myself over the past year.
I’m trying to be better about negativity.
I think negativity is a fire that grows when you feed it, and we often feed it because its heat can be mistaken for comfort.
“Put the fire out” has been a bit of a mantra for me in coping with some things that would otherwise make me angry. If there’s nothing I can do to change the situation, then there’s no point in letting my cynicism about it simmer or, worse, boil over.
Best to turn down the heat entirely and look for comfort elsewhere.
It’s genuinely helping.
this is lovely. i'm tempted to steal it for depression/burnout, but as "tend the fire" or "keep the fire going"
Steal away! As someone who experiences depression, I definitely know the struggle of “keeping the fire going.”
Hope you’re well and that your fire stays lit.
thank you, and a warm, comforting and well managed fire back at you 😌
Got downsized at work and am about where I got hired into, minus the seniority. I appreciate the position, like the people well enough and understand that a lot of wheels had to turn to keep me on, but at the same time, I'm not doing much of what I'm interested in anymore and looking for the door. The most response I've heard on the job hunt is "The Company is still making decisions, are you still interested?" Which is cool if it hasn't been about a month of this. At least I know where I stand with the form letter rejection.
Also the shower has dark mold in the grout, hooray.
Someone wrote this while on the loo!
My only advice, which you can completely ignore and I won't be hurt, is to always be looking outside of your current company for jobs. Once you're in a company, they rarely look after you in the way you want but they're happy to use your knowledge and skills at the cheapest price point for them.
I've lost 35 lbs, and idk what I did to lose them (I'm now at 165!). I have done hardly anything different except take my medications more like I'm supposed to (one being Adderall, so maybe that's it).
I'm really dreading my doctor's appt tomorrow because she keeps telling me she wants me to do x, y, z, but I really just need her for medication prescriptions that have been working fairly well... I KNOW I'm not going to end up "going outside for ten minutes a day" because 1: it's hot af, 2: there are bugs, 3: I feel like I'm being watched by neighbors (and sometimes are bc they walk past my house) and I hate that, and 4: it's boring af. Those 4 things alone are already hurdles to overcome, and when you pair that with the basic symptoms of depression, like lethargy, and the lack of executive functioning like no showers, no clean clothes, matted hair, etc, it's even more of a hurdle. I could go on and on about the hurdles...
I've even tried telling myself I'll go outside for ten minutes at night when it's not so hot and I can't be seen, but the other two issues are still a problem. I just can't seem to motivate myself enough to do what she's telling me to do, BUT I am doing the things she's telling me to do them for. The treatment is to help me want a job.
Well, it turns out exercise, therapy, and whatever else she suggested does NOTHING close for me wanting a job compared to finding a kind of job I actually want to do. There's a huge difference in interest when I'm choosing between making flyer advertisements or email blasts for a scummy health insurance company vs. making youtube thumbnails and twitch/discord emojis for a fun content creator.
I just need to land a job now.
Overwhelmed. Why? I dunno. Life is pretty great right now and only going to get better with some trips I have planned in the next few months, but everything just seems...not insurmountable, but just like, a lot.
I feel like I have very little time to myself, not much time to even finish a thought without someone interrupting me. Even just writing this short paragraph, I've been interrupted 4 times and I find it hard to stay focused... I've lost my train of thought.
I don't know why I feel so overwhelmed.... If I could just get 5 minutes of uninterrupted quiet maybe I could figure it out....
Lol. In all seriousness tho, good things can be just as overwhelming as bad, so try not to minimize your need for a little peace just because "it could be worse." Identify activities that give you mental energy/refill your battery, rather than ones that deplete/are neutral, and then prioritize those. For example, watching TV is slightly depleting for me, whereas reading refills, so if I need to chill for a while I try to read instead of watch stuff. Since I started paying attention to that, it's much less frequent that I feel like I'm running on empty.
(Feel free to ignore if you didn't want advice, obviously.)
Nah, thanks for your thought. It's just that I have two little kids that always want my attention, "Dad! Dad! Look at this!" and the like. Just makes it challenging to complete a thoughts on most days.
Yeah, I get that, but taking good care of yourself will help you be a better parent to them. Things with my mother would be a whole lot different if she'd been able to say "I need a few minutes," instead of waiting till it exploded (not saying you explode, just that it did in my house because taking time to yourself wasn't allowed).
You sound like a good dad tho, you got this!
I'm well, ughh, going. There is about a month left in the semester. I have to say, it feels like everything is due during this time. I have multiple group projects coming due. And one fairly big semester long paper and presentation. It is also time for registration. I, like usual, waited too long to make an appointment with my adviser. So I worry that the classes that I need are going to fill up. Even then, I don't know what other classes I need to take. Yes, that is what my adviser is for, but I don't think he is one of the greatest advisers. He feels kinda disconnected from my major. I guess that is what you get when you have a more general adviser. I also somewhat worry about how I am even going to graduate. There is a long list of classes I need to take, along with other requirements. One thing is so many hours of 3000 or 4000 level courses. While I am taking them, I feel like I am not going to have enough. There is also my major related classes. I am taking one of the 2 major gates now, data structures. And I still need to take the other major gate, algorithms. I know that the class fills up fast, and with how long I waited, I worry that the class will be filled up by the time I can register. There is also the fact that it is a gate, meaning that parts of the major are locked behind that class. So if, I don't get algorithms, I won't be able to work on other parts of the major. It doesn't help that I need 15 hours each semester to keep a scholarship. All of this makes me feel like I won't really graduate on time. Which is not something that bothers me (fully), but does my family. They are always like "when will you graduate", "You need to look for a job", "your 529 won't last forever", "You should be looking into internships", and more. It can just weigh at times. The job/internship one especially. I don't feel like there is anything that anyone would want to hire me for. Also I don't like the talking myself up or having to fake interest in a place. It's, well, a lot, but I do know that somehow it will work out. At least I did get an appointment with my adviser, though like 2 days after registration opens. The group projects, I don't worry about as much as the semester long paper and presentation. It's in Information Security. I chose an out there topic, of iOS Security (at the hardware level). Talking the hardware chain of trust, along with bootrom exploits like checkm8. Also including information about the secure enclave. I have wrote some on the paper. I got a rough version of the checkm8 section done. I think I probably should also include a section about other ones like limera1n and alloc8, while also cutting down on the detail about checkm8. I have started the secure enclave section, but I haven't made it far. The presentation is due 2 weeks or so before the paper. I haven't even thought on how I'll do the presentation yet. At least it is a recorded presentation, meaning that I can pull out all the stops with video editing. Even then, I don't know how I'll do it, and fill the time. I got to do it in a way that that includes enough detail, but not too much. Well, it's a thing, and it will somehow work out.
Disregard if you don't want registration advice:
If you have to see an advisor but not necessarily your advisor before registration, see about walk-in or drop in hours. Any advisor in your dept should be able to assist you if you explain you couldn't get an appointment before registration started. Be annoying but polite.
If you don't need the advisor to register, sign up on the first day for the classes you need , or get on the wait-list if they fill that fast. You can drop and edit after that. Ask about course overrides to get out into an otherwise full class.
If you are persistent and polite - I need to take this class next semester, what are my options? - you generally have a good shot of getting in.
Not always, and it's somewhat exhausting if you're already stressed and dealing with mental health struggles. But not being an ass and keeping your name in people's heads will go a long way to getting you what you need.
Aspects of my life have been utter shite for last ~9 years. Most of it has been a study in getting things done (or not done) while in varying degrees of overwhelm.
I had a hip replacement about 14 months ago, and in retrospect should have done it 15-20 years ago. It's been absolutely brilliant but until recently I'd been unable to recreate the runner's high I got from a 2+ mile jog 15-20 years ago. About 3 weeks ago I discovered that a fairly leisurely ~50 minute session on my exercise bike is sufficient physical exertion to recreate that post run feeling of positivity and general well being (runners high). If i amp up my thc lvls (get baked), I'm able to get my butt on the bike every other day. I'm excited about getting to a place mentally/physically where I'm not crutching the workout w/thc, but in the mean time, not feeling even a little bad about it.
My wife gave me an unsolicited compliment about my general outlook/attitude of late, not just in the hour or 2 post bike ride, so the 2 most important people in my life (me, wife) are both seeing this as a positive.
Plenty of stuff is still utter shite, but I'm spending more time of late in a place of possibility, so I got that going for me, which is nice.
Disclaimer: all of the above was typed immediately post workout, at like a 7+.
hugs <3
I got my blood work back yesterday for my doctor's appointment on Friday and I'm in an absolute panic that I might be diabetic. I've been so focused on my mental health and now I'm worried about my physical health.
I can't win. If it's not a new medication for my ADHD or anxiety, it's another medication for some body part not working correctly.
I'm frustrated and scared and feel entirely alone in it all. I'm not great at expressing myself so I don't feel understood. I'm hyper independent (yay neglect) so reaching out or leaning on someone is wildly uncomfortable. I'm stuck and I just don't want to do it anymore. I wish I could sleep it all away or somehow start over.
it's ok to be afraid. i'm sorry that you are feeling alone, but i think it's pretty cool that you're reaching out here! that's a small step into the discomfort, and will feel easier over time. while it must feel overwhelming to have two health concerns at the same time, it's also a good sign that you're looking after both. i don't know about you, but when things were difficult for me i spent a long time not looking after my health, so now i have a pile of stuff to attend to. it definitely helps to have supports, and it sounds like you're working on lowering those barriers. you're doing a great job 💖
Thank you so much for your kindness!
I definitely neglect my physical health when my mental health isn't great. I think I've mentally prepared myself for hearing it and figuring out next steps. The logical side. But I need to also make space this weekend to cry and feel all the feelings. The part I usually just shove down until I think it's gone away.
Hey, I want to give you some support, I have ADHD, depression and anxiety and I have had a Type II diabetes diagnosis for about 2 years now. It's gonna be ok! If you don't have diabetes, it's absolutely worth talking with your therapist about the medical anxiety.
If you do, I can recommend a discord server of very helpful diabetic people who helped reassure me that my feet weren't falling off, I wasn't going blind and my "kidney wouldn't lose a toe." It's incredibly manageable for most people and if you have medical insurance, medications are generally either covered fully or have a manufacturer's coupon. The internet will absolutely panic you and convince you that you're also five seconds away from a cardiac arrest, and that's also not true.
For a while it will feel like everything you do medically is about your diabetes - eye appointments were a big surprise for me. But it just becomes a 'norm' for you. If you have the diagnosis I strongly recommend you meet with a dietician with an intuitive eating background. I say that because they're not inclined to shame you for your food choices, and are more likely to help you eat realistically without triggering that anxiety - adding in things you aren't eating while not making you feel 'deprived'. You can still have a piece of cake at a birthday, you just want to not have that every day or on a day where you're eating a ton of other sweets.
Anyway, if you, or anyone, would like a link to this discord server, they're great folks, I don't spend as much time there as I'd like due to its size and my work, but they have so many resources on every part of diabetic life. It's ok! <3
Thank you. Truly!
I spent last night preparing myself to hear the news. But your comment reminds me I need to focus more on the manageability. It's 2024. Medicine is always advancing. I'm going to be ok!
I'll definitely check back tomorrow if I need into that discord server. It's funny because one of my first thoughts was ,"What's going to happen to my feet?!" Lol I'm very much a worst case scenario thinker.
I'm glad it helps! In the same way that you can take meds because your brain chemicals aren't working quite right you can take meds because your pancreas isn't working quite right (or more often, your other organs are like 🖕🏼to your pancreas despite how hard it works) and there's no moral weight to the diagnosis. You didn't do anything wrong, this isn't a failing, it's just your body doing body stuff.
I'm the first in my (bio)family with the diagnosis. But I have an uncle that got diagnosed and then proceeded to drink (beer) heavily and otherwise not take care of himself. He's had much worse side effects and complications so I was anxious going into the diagnosis. But I don't drink hardly at all and while I still don't eat as well as I could or exercise as much as I want to (life has been a lot), my A1Cs have been on point since getting medicated and my cardiovascular stuff/cholesterol/triglycerides etc are all fine.
It will feel like your diagnosis takes over, and especially with anxiety you'll probably go overboard at first but that's why I suggest a dietician who's gonna focus on realistic changes and education. And if you don't have it after all this maybe it'll help you reassure someone else.
Feel free to DM if you want to!
Not diabetes! Just slightly elevated blood sugar. Doc said nothing to worry about since my number was perfect 6 months ago.
So now... I need to bring this panic up in therapy. I know I have medical anxiety, but I didn't realize how strong it can be.
Thank you again for being so kind and supportive!
Of course! Glad to hear you don't have another thing to manage right now.
But also like, the way the internet and media talk about diabetes is anxiety inducing so it was designed to cause this reaction in you!
I recently remembered that I'm bipolar (II, if that matters). I was diagnosed a year or so ago but honestly, I don't actively think about it too much. Is that normal? I don't actively think about it but I notice sometimes when my manic phases come up.
Normal isn't the thing you care about. Lots of people do things which could be categorized as both "normal" and "bad". Lots of people with various mental weirdnesses make that their entire personality, and lots of other people don't pay as much attention to them as they should.
Does it make your life, and the lives of others around you, better or worse if you actively think about it?
I think it might! I think it'll be better for me to have an active check on if I'm manic at the moment or otherwise. But I'm not sure. It's weird, I have to think about it some more.
I'm not bipolar (though I did get a diagnosis of bipolar 2 once from an incredibly shitty psychiatrist in college), but I think it not really resonating with you until you have a hypomanic episode makes sense. The other "pole" is depression, after all, and when I had depression it felt like it was impossible for anyone to not be depressed (something that rings less true now that my depression's more or less in remission).
yeah that's totally true. it kinda feels like my "baseline" is anxiety right now too which is really doing wonders for my mental health LOL. either way though I'm definitely just "fine" at the moment.
Weird one from me and it seems to be getting worse: I'm becoming a bit of a nihilist.
I'm mid 40s, have a wife, kids, dogs, a decent job, but I'm just feeling meh about everything.
Midlife crisis? Maybe. I've screwed my back up so I am struggling to do taekwondo, which is my sole outlet.
The feeling of pointlessness just seems to be getting stronger and I do not know how to make it go away.
Last summer I screwed up my back. Standing was okay, but sitting and lying down both hurt. It went on for months.
The storm clouds that covered my entire life as a result were kind of astounding in their power and prominence. I’m no stranger to depression and what it does to me, but this was different: less despair-focused and much more of the nihilism that you described. It was hard to find pleasure in anything. So much of what I wanted to do I couldn’t, and what I could do, I didn’t enjoy.
I’m not saying this maps entirely to your case, but maybe the back injury has a lot to do with things? It certainly did for me.
It very well could be. I spend far too much time worrying if the next movement will make me wince or jump as a pain spasm. It's causing me to be awkward and fed up.
I'm already at physio so fingers crossed it'll improve.
I have recently been experiencing neuropathic pain in my extremities for a couple of weeks. My psychiatrist thinks that it is trauma related and has prescribed me gabapentin to try to manage it. Using it has produced mixed results for the pain while also making me excessively tired. I feel like I need something stronger for the pain and accompanying anxiety but am afraid to ask because I think it will come off as drug seeking behavior (also my psychiatrist seems reticent to prescribe anything that could be perceived as narcotic). Furthermore, the pain is pretty bad to the point that I wonder how long it would need to last before having to make serious calculations about whether or not life is worth living. I know that many people live in a lot worse pain and that I have a lot to live for, but I keep spiraling on the idea that the pain will never go away. Any advise from people dealing with chronic pain would be greatly appreciated.
If the pain is such that you're questioning the value of life, by all means tell your dr! "Others have it worse" is a meaningless comparison, and anyway it's the psych's job to make the determination of whether you're "drug seeking" or not (and frankly, if they do draw that conclusion I'd seek another opinion based on what you said). If it is trauma related, how are you supposed to deal with said past trauma, while you're in a state of constant physical trauma now?
Do your best, and stand up for yourself. You deserve to not be in pain!
Thanks for this, I have an appointment tomorrow and will try to advocate for myself. The US medical system has so many barriers that it can be daunting trying to get the help you need. Plus I am a man so I am constantly dealing with the terrible idea that I should be able to weather these types of things without complaining. But regardless I really appreciate your encouragement. Have a good one!
Use that toxic societal narrative to your advantage: If shit is so profoundly fucked that even A Man™ can't cope, then something must be done! Kafkaesque medical system nightmare be damned!
For real tho, good luck. I hope it goes well!