22
votes
Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (July 2024)
This is a monthly thread for those who need it. Vent, share your experiences, ask for advice, talk about how you are doing. Let's make this a compassionate space for all who may need one.
I'm bad.
Between Friday's debates and the ongoing train wreck that are the decisions coming out of the US Supreme Court, my faith in the future of this country is shattered. It feels inescapable.
I'm pretty much at a point where I'm going to stop following the political drama. I'm already way more detached than I used to be.
I feel like I've done everything I can. Obviously I'm going to vote, and not just for president, but for other representatives that I research. On a state level, I've signed the petition to get abortion rights put into law via a proposition that's (hopefully) going to be on the ballot. I also digitally signed something for a representative that's running with verification that he won't take any funding other than from his own fundraising (individuals only, no businesses, orgs, super pacs, etc).
But that's the extent of my ability. I don't really have a social group in-person, so there's no one I could sway to vote. All the other craziness is completely out of my control.
Honestly, this is one of the best things you can do. Stop following the political drama on TV, block anyone that's shoving politics in your face, get off Facebook and Twitter, etc.
Tildes is literally the only social media I have anymore (and I've blocked politics on here) and I'm so much happier not being constantly bombarded with "this politician said this isn't he the worst?!" 24/7
The world may be going to hell in a hand basket but I'm only one man who has chosen to focus on the people in my life that actually matter. I can't say my decision was a bad one, for me.
I'm not saying you should drop your concern, but
I will not dismiss your feelings. I feel much the same you do.
Same, my anxiety has been off the charts lately and I haven't been sleeping well. My ADHD meds feel less effective due to it. I'm doing what I can to talk to people, spread the word, reach out to my representatives, and of course vote, but I feel hopeless. I'm still applying to jobs in Canada, but trying to get a job outside the country, even a contractor position, feels impossible. We've given up on Europe for now.
I'm in a bit of a weird spot. A few weeks back I was helping some people with a little project and I was not performing at all. But after I forced my way through it, one of them stayed on the call for a bit and recommended a doctor.
Long story short, they strongly suspected that I have ADHD. Not somthing I've ever really considered on account of a number of other chronic conditions. It was pretty obvious that I wasn't convinced so she suggested one week of the minimum dosage of a Ritilin generic.
So after 4 weeks of research and treatment, I'm pretty much convinced. Like I don't think I've ever had so much predictable "normal time" if that makes sense. And following all the little tricks has made me so much more effective than I've ever been.
And now I'm just dealing with compounded self loathing . Like angry that I was angry at myself for being lazy and inattentive. The endless grief a subjected my parents, friends and partners to. For quitting my dream job because I didn't think I deserved it.
So yeh, not the best head space. Hoping my old therapist can squeeze me in because it's not something I'm comfortable telling people I know about.
Just wanted to say I've been there, and it sucks, but it's important to let yourself grieve. That's what you're doing right now: you're grieving what you didn't know, didn't have, could've done, etc, and it hurts. Of course it does. Let it hurt, sit with it. Getting back in with your therapist is good too, obviously, and I hope you don't have to wait too long, but in the meantime let yourself be upset. And be patient with yourself too, because now-you needs that just as much as little-you did.
Pretty much hits the nail on the head and similar to loosing my mom. Like I keep trying to manifest myself into alternative realities where I was simply aware. On the other hand, I finding myself fixated on "making up for lost time" and it's not exactly making me the best person to be around. So I'm probably jumping between anger and bargaining with little sprinkles of depression.
It'd be nice to just take time and work through these feelings. But in a world where I don't even have the chance to grieve people, it's hard to justify the time to come to terms with loosing what I thought I was.
Obviously it's up to you if you want to answer this -no pressure at all- but can you give examples of how you're "trying to make up for lost time" and/or why you feel it's making you difficult to be around?
As for justifying it- to whom must it be justified? Why? And how might you do that in a way that makes you more comfortable? Again, no need to answer (unless you want to) but I think those questions are good places to start as far as working through things.
Grieving anything is a process, and it will be gone through, either now or later (when you're less prepared). It's also not something you can just take a week off work and power through.... But you can work through it, a little at a time. (Answers to the above might help with more concrete "hows," if that's something you want, either from Tildes or your therapist.)
So I've been rewriting this reply for a while and realized that this is a snowflake in a much larger avalanche. Also the finer detailed are not exactly appropriate online. I'm definitely desperate for an outlet.
But I genuinely appreciate the sentiment and insights. Thanks.
This is extremely relatable to me, and I think probably to anyone else with ADHD. But there's no use wallowing in the mistakes of your past. Be kind to yourself -- show yourself the compassion you'd show anyone else in a similar situation. There's nowhere to go but forward.
I have a bunch of books recommended by my therapist when I first got diagnosed. Let me know if you're interested in a list of recommendations -- when I got diagnosed as an adult I found learning as much as I could about ADHD to really benefit me.
Would appreciate any extra info since I tend to rationalize my way through problems.
My doctor suggested Dr Barkley and Dr Hallowell who seem to have pretty comprehensive views on the topic and I find that it describes most of my observations. Currently going through "ADHD Explained" and "Taking Charge of Adult ADHD" on audiobook. Also enjoying How To ADHD on YouTube who takes a lot more empathetic and feel-good approach to the topic which I appreciate right now.
Ooh yeah, those would all be on my list of recs! The other books on my shelf from when I got diagnosed are "ADHD 2.0" by Edward Hallowell and John Ratey, "I Always Want to Be Where I'm Not: Successful Living with ADD and ADHD" by Wes Crenshaw, and "A New Understanding of ADHD in Children and Adults: Executive Function Impairments" by Thomas Brown. They may not all speak to you equally, since the authors have different tones and approaches, but that's why I've enjoyed having a variety of resources to choose from.
The creator of How to ADHD also recently released her own book, which I've bought but not read yet. That channel is really great for coming to terms with your ADHD as part of your life, rather than just understanding it from a clinical perspective. Other creators I'd recommend with similar advice and positivity are Dani Donovan, KC Davis, and ADHD Alien. I've followed each of them on social media in the past and they tend to have various types of good content for people with Adult ADHD.
I wasn’t the person you posted this for, but thanks! I found ADHD 2.0 shortly after I got my diagnosis a year ago. It was incredibly helpful. That book and the How to ADHD YouTube channel make up the bulk of my understanding about ADHD. I just bought I Always Want To Be Where I’m Not, but the third book doesn’t have an audiobook, and physical books are pretty much impossible for me to read. Thanks for the recommendations!
I hope they're useful for you!
Thanks for the recommendations. Going through the literature and research, it looks like I was kind of stuck in the ADD stigma from from years. The idea that smart people should not have these conditions and the shame of needing meds to function. Ironic because I'm on 3 different chronic medications.
By the way, do you know of anything specific for someone living/married to a person with ADHD. My wife is exceptionally intelligent, organized and wants to help, but she's frustrated that it's so contrary to how her brain works. She had the cutest little breakdown the other day at idea of time being Now and Not Now, especially since she's seen it in action.
I think some of the books I mentioned already have sections relating to marriage, but it's been a while since I've read them so I'd have to go back and check which ones. I don't know of a book that primarily focuses on that, but I'll keep my eyes open!
All I can say is: today is not a good day to read the news if you're in the US. And apparently France, too, based on some venting I've seen. When I said that to my mom, she agreed and said we're not watching the news tonight. She watches the news every night, so... Yeah.
Today is a good day to just engage in escapism and avoid reality for a bit by playing games, watching silly videos or writing. I've praised the benefits of escapism for a while now, and today is a prime example of it. There's nothing I can do as an individual about the current situation, so rather than stew over it, it's better to not think about it.
Mainly I'm worried for my friends though. One of them has severe anxiety that's strongly related to news. I really can't emphasize how bad it was in 2020, they were expecting the end of America and always spoke in extremes. When they said "Holy shit there's an actual coup in DC right now" on January 6, I thought they were exaggerating about the decisions being made because that's just how bad their mindset was. They recently had a minor breakdown in front of their dad because the stress is building up again.
So... Yeah. Pretty worried for them. I'm the "rock" of most friend groups and can sort of "detach" from reality/current events in ways a lot of people can't, so I'm typically the one who tries to offer support to people. This time though, my thoughts may be a tad too dark to help much. Though admittedly, my thoughts veer more towards rage and fury than anxiety...
I wrote about 3500 words last month so I'll dial it back a little this time lol
Almost everything is a struggle and life just sucks.. it's exhausting and I'm tired of fighting nearly every fucking day. I'm tired of being lonely, of being alone, of overthinking, of obsessing, of being ugly, of being dysphoric, of pretending, of faking, of participating, of not fitting in, of relapsing, of being a burden. I'm so fucking tired.
hear hear :(
God holy shit. I feel like the last two weeks have just taken my mental health and shot it. I've had massive things going on in my personal life, and then we just get whammy after whammy of SC decisions. I'm terrified to be alive right now. I'm so scared I'm going to lose access to my healthcare. I'm in such a deep hole right now. I have therapy session in 2 days, and I hope things are better by then. I've been getting suicidal ideation for the first time in a long time ;_;
I'm on disability and am also terrified. Also deeply deeply sad for the world and find myself hoping I don't live to see the worst of it-- though I wouldn't kill myself because of the effect it would have on my partner and my pets. I am trying to hope that somehow people will rally and go out and vote for democracy and reason.
Weirdly, both pensive and calm. There's something freeing about things being made plain, about seeing all of the cards on the table. That, after years of being told every variation of excuse why there are no cards, why I am foolish for asking about their suits and numbers, why it's just a broken mind wallowing in darkness unworthy of being heard, why this one thing will make some kind of difference, so on and so forth. I think we all have heard it all, some way or other, in some form or other.
At the risk of sounding like a child, all I really wanted was to see this place I'm in, know it and the other folks in it, what they do, why, and appreciate what there was to appreciate. Be as a tree and just grow, wherever that led. For no other reason than I'm here, because there never was one which revealed itself to me on its own. Alongside the scariest, worst things, are also the supreme displays of character and principle, the foundation upon which legends are built. We have a lot of those. Some are happening right now. I don't think I'll be one of them. I don't want to be one of them. But I will take them with me and when the moments come, whether as a child throwing their tantrum, a man holding the line, whatever form it takes, I will look those moments in their dreadful eyes and spit at them. That is how I feel, it's not easy to maintain and it's hard to keep doing the things that come day-to-day. But as time goes on, it's like all those little things start becoming bigger, they are infused with this sense of purpose and become that thing unrevealed.
I hope this made some sense. I hope someone reading it, out there, understands. As much as it seems all is coming down, unraveling and falling away, it is precisely within such cataclysm that the greatest of our character can be seen. It's an opportunity, likely unseen and unrecognized, to stand tall and for oneself in a way plenty romanticize but from which many recoil. I will be the former, damnit. Fuck it. Even if I am the last person who ever says such a thing. Then I guess, I will have become such a legend, the last idealist. I don't mind. What I know with more certainty, perhaps the only thing for which I can have any certainty anymore, is who I wish to be, what I wanted. I will not give up.
Edit: I have a more biblical sort of thing to share if folks are more about that. Consider for a second, Revelation. Drop the part where the world doesn't continue, because that's not what this is. But consider the parts about what the end of things looks like, the bizarre manifestations and wild monsters. This was a work produced by people who lived in an age of kings. I think an unspoken truth of this period, is that with a new king often there also came a new reality. Their word was the final word. Their laws, were all the laws. The longer one lasted, the more the world they made became real. Sometimes they could carry it further, by way of heirs and families and such, but inevitably, they all ended. When that ending happened, what do you suppose that was like for, for example, the peasant who accepted those laws, the person who was of that world? Their world ended. They watched as things they thought impossible, happened. They saw their monsters. They didn't see the full picture, nothing like our information landscape existed, few people were even literate at all. They would see all their rules fall away, they would lose what grounded them. We are not them. We have so much more, than anyone ever has had before us, to see the full picture and understand its machinations, its movements and what becomes of things. So, we don't have to accept The End, but we must accept An End. Perhaps, it is that the folks who came before were trying to tell us what it means to do that, how it feels, what it looks like.
The End means nothing can come after, and we know this is not true. We can see it, in pieces, a little at a time. An End, means there is opportunity, to have some of what we lost along the way. I am not a Christian, so take me as you will, but if you need different language to understand my point, there is my attempt. It may not be as straightforward as folks say; it rarely is.
Last week I really went out and about to express myself, dress well, sit the right way and people genuinely felt like I was more open and accessible. I felt appalled; why would it matter how I dress the way people will perceive me. Long story short, I crashed this weekend. I'm right back towards my rock bottom. I took my drug of choice to just waft away all the negativity and just dream blissfully, to then realize life will carry on as always.
I'm in the process of dating someone who is really awesome and cute but I feel my lack of work will have a negative impact on how they might perceive me.
Anyway.. Bottomline is I feel like shit again. 2/10, would not recommend my life experience.
I've been pretty much a recluse since before covid, due to my own illness and taking care of my mother while she was dying of cancer. It was weird how suddenly my whole wardrobe became irrelevant. It became clear that clothes, hair all that is just theatre--which is not a bad thing, necessarily. It feels weird to me when I have to put on a costume to be seen as a normal character in public, but I prefer not to stand out so its worth the performance to me,
But also, you say you focused on expression and body language. When I was really depressed, I realized many people took my misery as anger or dislike directed at them personally. So maybe it wasn't just the clothes thing, just them feeling more liked by you.
I'm sorry things are so terrible for you right now but glad that you have found someone awesome and cute.
I really really wish they can see past the veil of negativity and lack of career and would be willing to engage with someone like that. I'm super empathetic and have wouldn't hurt a fly and I still have a nice personality so I really reallyyyyyy hope it all works out T_T
Why did you make that person's share about you?
Because of my personality (disorder)? I'm incredibly self-conscience and lack so much self-esteem validation had to always be gained through others. The second that falls away I don't really have any reason to exist. It's something I'm working on, but acutely aware of NOT to dump on someone else.
My mental health has been poor for a long time. There has been stages, episodes, and levels to it. Wednesday will be the one year anniversary of my father's burial. That being so closely grouped together with his birthday, Father's Day, and what would have been my parent's 50th anniversary has been a bit much. The political climate is not helping. I've been experiencing levels of apathy and cynicism I did not know I was capable of.
I am so sorry for your loss. My mom died 4 years ago in May, and the whole month between her birthday and death and mothers day is still pretty bleak for me, which is hard because spring was our favorite season together as gardeners and bird lovers. Probably that isn't very helpful to you, just wanted you too know you are not alone.
I appreciate it! Being able to relate and have a little vent is great.
I was told the first year is the hardest. Yet I was also told it can come in waves. So idk how it'll be from year-to-year, but I have been working with MH professionals to help me deal with everything.
Last year on my birthday I got a phone call that my mother had died. It was so unexpected, I had spoken to her 3 days before. I vividly remember the broken voice of my father at 2 am. Since then I moved back to my home country and started a new job there, and I hate everything about it with a passion, including my new place. It's noisy, hot, awful. I loved where I was, the people, the financial freedom, the clear boundaries between private life and work life, and as a consuquence the copious amount of free time. I don't know what to feel, I'm hopeful it will get better. It's just hard. At least I can be close to my dad now.
Wow I am so sorry. Its weird how you just can't really know how drastically losing a parent will be until it happens and then its impossible to explain to people who haven't gone through it. I really hope you do find things get better back in your home country.
It is disheartening to see so many people struggling, for sure, but I do think it's worth remembering that this topic is largely for people discussing/sharing/venting their problems, so by the topic's very nature it's pretty rare to see any positive top level comments. But one thing I've always found heartening is the fact that most top level comments in these topics get a reply from someone. Sometimes those replies are just other people feeling similarly down and commiserating, sometimes it's people genuinely trying to help. But regardless, I still find that to be uplifting in its own way. At least it shows we're not totally alone, and lots of people here care enough about even total internet strangers to reach out to them in these topics. So the world is not without good people, and we're not without hope while that still holds true, IMO.
So last week, I finally mustered the strength to get 17 years' overdue dental work done. That's not world-shattering news for most people. I sat down in the chair with impending stroke-grade blood pressure, flop sweat, and whole body shakes. The dentist was incredibly soothing, specializes in panic cases, and managed the sedation about as well as I could have hoped.
I'm trying not to berate myself for $5,200 worth of cowardice. But I'm realizing that I go through life with a tightly locked pressure cooker inside my head, overstuffed with anxieties and terrors. I mostly look like a functional adult on the outside, the image of the cliché about the smoothly floating swan paddling furiously under the water.
But all that fear noise is leaking out as nighttime tooth grinding, blood pressure spikes, exhaustion, and chronic depression. I've mostly cut out news, social media, anything that's not escapist and calming. I've done all the therapy, mindfulness meditation, exercise, lifestyle management, walks in nature, blah blah blah. I've done what I can to manage economic fears, and if I lost my job we wouldn't starve or lose shelter.
I'm not asking the whole world to hug and soothe me, but I'm having a doomy day.