Proposal: ADHD support thread (reoccurring)
Top eidt: Thread is four hours old and already seems to have support. I'll create the first actual thread tomorrow. So please, your feedback is desired on anything you'd lke to see in the initial topic text. Also, I'm thinking fortnightly (every two weeks) might be good to start, but feedback will always be desired. Original thread follows:
https://tildes.net/~life/1o92/how_my_life_changed_with_adhd_medication#comments
That thread brought so many with ADHD out of the woodwork.
I wonder if there might be a use for a recurring (weekly? monthly?) thread for ADHD support?
I'd envision it for:
- Venting
- Mutual support, i.e. responsibility coaching, i.e. post what you're trying to work on so the rest of us can gently pester (check up on you) to try and help make sure You Did The Thing
- General discussion as a hub for interesting ADHD-related articles/info/etc
Sort of like an ADHD club on Tildes that might help us all.
I know I am in love with the thread I linked just having so many of us there talking about this stuff. Reading others struggle with the same things I struggle with is comforting; reading others talking about conquering problems is lovely. And I know my "walking thread" is related to this idea - I started it to try and get folks from the community help keep me on track, so maybe that sort of thing would help others, too. (At least for some of us who aren't medicated! But even for medicated folks who could use that support)
So this is intended as a meta thread on the topic to see if the idea might have merit.
I think recurring threads are made manually, so I do volunteer to do that; but if the idea is a go and someone else would prefer to do it, I will certainly bow to that :)
(Also, it's my humble opinion that any autistic-related subjects would be quite welcome - I feel ADHD and autism are sibling diagnoses, even when they don't both apply to one person. Adn for that matter, anyone dealign with ADHD-adjacent issues - like how anxiety can sometimes present with ADHD-like symptoms - the venting and help-with-accomplishing-things should not be limited to JUST adhd folks, but I envision this as primarily and ADHD space that welcomes all. But my vision is up for discussion, IF the idea even has merit)
Could we call it something other than a support thread? I definitely think venting/support is super important, and of course should be welcomed in such a thread, but it'd be cool if it could be a place for... I don't know, success stories and idle banter as well?
I know that stuff besides venting/support would be welcome too, but I feel like the word "Support" brings with it certain connotations. I absolutely have my low moments and struggles with ADHD, but for the most part I just see ADHD as being "me" just as much as my left hand is "me."
Just my two cents. I think ADHD and things like it have reasons to be celebrated sometimes too š¤·āāļø And maybe a reoccurring thread could help other people feel that way.
Unfortunately I don't have any better thread name suggestions... maybe just something boring like "The ADHD Thread" or "The Reoccurring ADHD Thread where we talk about ADHD stuff and sometimes other things too"
I'm on this boat as well. IIRC, there is a mental thread on Tildes, I think it's monthly, I went to comment there once as I was very proud of my mental health and wanted to be positive. As I read the comments before posting, I realized another guy had the same idea as me and he was posting his success story. The OP replied to him with something along the lines of "I'm happy for you, but this is a support thread, please refrain from posting positive stories", I was like wtf.
I would want an "ADHD Thread" to allow positive content.
I'm kinda concerned that someone was explicitly warned away from sharing their positives in the mental health support thread tbqh -- support shouldn't entail only helping those at their lowest, but also celebrating the little victories, and honestly seeing only negative stories in the mental health support thread is discouraging to me, even when the replies are uplifting. How are we supposed to say "it gets better" if people aren't allowed to post when it's gotten better?
EDIT: clicked the link to the (or at least a) relevant comment in the mental health support thread that indicates that positive stories are not only allowed but encouraged in the mental health support thread, for what seem to be similar reasons to those I gave above.
I vaguely recall this and maybe it was specifically a "shit is bad" thread after the inauguration or something. I didn't think it was the regular monthly thread. But I may be remembering wrong
Ah, it makes sense if it was a one-off that I missed out on.
It was the holiday support thread
H/t @smoontjes
That's the one.
H/t?
"hat tip"
A "thank you kindly"/"who I got it from"
For those of us autistic/ AuDHD, it can land as invalidating to ask for support and see someone celebrating in the same thread. From my experience (AuDHD but I'm not sure that matters), this mixed thread could land as tone deaf.
I'd prefer separate celebratory and support threads.
Cc @daychilde
It is my very humble opinion that this is a minority view, but if others feel this way, please speak up.
If you'd like to note this as feedback wherever you'd like in the thread - this one or the next one or whatever - please do.
For now, I think the top-level comment heading up support requests is hopefully enough to help this for those bothered.
As with everything else, I'm always open to changes. <3
I don't mean to take away your experience but I have a hard time believing that was intended...
My experience is more like this:
I'll definitely keep that in my mind, thank you for providing proof!
We should support each other in our successes as well as failures. And when I am going through a hard time, seeing others doing well makes me feel so much better, so it supports me as well.
Hm. Different than me.
This may have been me. I have done that a couple of times. One and two.
I do understand the "wtf" reaction but a comment of pure "I am doing so good!" can suck to read when you're in a truly dark place and in serious real need of support. It then seems in poor taste or even a little bit tone-deaf to me especially if there isn't any further interaction in the thread after posting the driveby type comment. I am seeing other replies to your comment here disagrees with what I think and that is of course fine, so I am in the minority and I will accept that and I suppose deal with it.
Maybe this is again a harsh or toxic comment so I apologize for that. Just sharing my point of view (won't reply further but will read responses if anyone replies).
Edit to remove stuff I accidentally copied after rephrasing
I just want to let you know that I agree completely with how you handled both those situations and that your replies where respectful and kind (as kind as you can be while clearly spelling out disagreement).
There are ways to celebrate success and well being that don't feel like stabbings for people that are down, panicking, etc at the moment.
There is such a thing as toxic positivity and I think it is important to draw the line against it.
In my humble opinion, you did well!
Not like you need my approval or anything. I just want to let you and others know that I both agree with you and the comment I linked to previously. They are both correct in my opinion.
Ah it was the holiday one. I knew it was specifically something like that
I don't think your second one was a shutdown.
I don't necessarily agree with that. I understand it can be hard, I've been there, but in my experience, change comes from positive models.
Still, I understand how frustrating it could be in a time of need and that limiting frustration is good thing too.
ADHD Challenges and Victories Recurring Thread?
or maybe
ADHD BOYZ but girls are totally allowed as well and anyone non-binary as well come to think of it
......no? Maybethe challenges and victories thing instead :)
But there should definitely be some standard text explainin that the thread is for posting the good, the bad, the uglyā¦ and requests for help like coaching (like following up on things someone needs to do to help gently poke them like @Positive has been delightful at with helping me in my waking thread), and whatever else we decide the text should say :)
honestly I like "challenges and victories" tbh
"War and Peace" :P
lmao unironically kinda love it
Happy to help. :)
For something more neutral maybe ADHD check-in thread?
I think this is a good idea. It would be nice to just vent from time to time. And we know it'll have a lot of content because we tend to over-explain and write paragraphs ;)
It'll either have tons and tons of content or be absolutely blank. lol.
But I bet it'll be the former most of the time.
I'll forget to reply until the next week is already up.
I would absolutely love to see something like this. I've sought out support from Discord servers before but always come away feeling like either I'm not heard or that the person responding barely read what I wrote. I trust the people here on Tildes so much more to read what is written and respond thoroughly (if applicable)or at the very least with thought behind the words and not so superficially.
With regards to frequently, I really don't know if once a week is too often or once a month is too infrequent. Personally and honestly, I'm mostly a lurker, I would probably only comment every now and then, so monthly would probably be adequent for what I would like to see, but of course others may have different opinions.
FORNIGHTLY!!! We can help bring back the word. :)
Be extra nice, please
My tone is way off at the moment, I just want to rage and tear everything down. I'm really trying to be constructive and reasonable here so I ask you to read this assuming I'm supportive.Please let me know if I'm too far off in tone and I will remove the comment
I think this could be a great recurring topic and there are many things to try, but I'm not sure if it is valuable to split the community by this fuzzy line.
There is already a general ~mental.health recurring topic for check-in, venting, celebration, micro blogging, etc.
This could be something else...
I've been trying to formulate something based on @daychilde walking topic that we could try to make a space for all of us that is more like a garden with a shed of tools that we can walk into and either just enjoy being there, support someone doing something or picking up a tool and get to work. Thank you for making this topic, it's easier for me to bounce off of other peoples ideas than to formulate clear ideas myself.
I suggest creating a fortnightly topic with some great introductory text and then a bunch of first-level topics for each "tool" (and ofc everyone is able to start their own comment-thread about whatever they want/need in this context).
"Tools" I can imagine of the top of my head that could be useful on this platform are for example:
I see that it looks like a productivity self help book (that I guess many of us have too many of already), this is not my intention. I know how tiring it is to not be able to do things and how relieving it is to get some air in my life. Helping each other with freeing up time by actually getting something done feels different than having someone (often myself) berate me for being "lazy"!
As for the name of the topic I suggest something more inclusive, like "A shed of tools for neurospicy tilderinos and friends" (and obviously it falls on the creator to change 'tilderinos' to different tildes-users-as-a-group-name every time)
A small extra bit that didn't fit anywhere else: I do think fortnightly is a good interval... For me having a clean slate (so no failings) is much more encouraging than a positive history could be even if I ever got one (I personally don't look back at success, could be something to work on!)
Thank you for the disclaimer - your tone came across perfectly supportive to me. <3
I definitely don't want to compete with mental health threads, but the reason I was thinking of an ADHD-centric place is similar to discussions about having an LGBT+-centricĀ¹ place: The idea is that while Tildes is a pretty LGBT+-friendlyĀ² place, having a place in that place where you know that people there are either LGBT+ themselves, or possibly strong allies who can participate, but not steal focusĀ³, adds another level of comfort. You already have one connection to everyone there, so building deeper connections because of the shared attribute is easier.
So really, I want an ADHD community. But it makes sense to me to specifically welcome autism as a part of that as I personally believe they are sibling diagnoses. And there's a lot of overlap, hence the term "AuDHD".
I'd absolutely love to see ā if we may call them ā ADHD allies participate as well.
So as I'm thinking of what an ADHD community might look like, it also makes sense to me that we can help each other, and so that strays into the mental-health side of things a bit. There are definitely some ADHD-specific things like accountability partneringā¶ that would be nice to have.
Basically, I just think having a space where the baseline is an assumption that we all know the basics of ADHD and don't have to explain them.
I don't want it to be an exclusionary space. In addition to explicitely encouraging autism, I'd love to see ADHD-adjacent issues. For example, depression can sometimes spark ADHD-like symptoms (and be comorbid, for that matter). And depression can cause executive function issues, so accountability partnering can be beneficial. And so I'd absolutely welcome that.
And there's probably more that I haven't considered or had any idea about that would be welcome.
I don't want it to be a space that makes anyone feel unwelcome. I just think that a place where ADHD folks can go to share things that we know other ADHD folks will understand is valuable.
Back more specifically to your post: I like your ideas in general. I think I'm going to collapse your top-level reply ideas into a single item to start, that I'm thinking of calling "support requests". I wouldn't try to organize them like that, but I think it would be helpful for those wanting to help others be able to find the requests in one subthread rather than having to wade through the entire topic.
And I think for now I'll keep the ADHD phrasing in the titleā¦ but the thing is: Whenever I administer or moderate somethingā·, I see my role as facilitator rather than tyrant. Which is what it would be here. Even where I am in charge of moderation, I attempt to be a benevolent dictator, and I do my best to "rule" by consensus. The point being that feedback is extremely valuable to me, and I do my best to incorporate what folks want.
I'm also open to change, so as we figure out what works and what doesn't, I will do my best to set things up to support what works.
And if we all decide that this thread takes away too much from the mental health thread, we can always refrain from posting more of them.
So I definitely hope for your continued participation in the evolution of this - along with wishing that same for everyone else, too. :) I hope I can pull this off in a way that works well for as many as possible.
Ā¹ plus minus? lol. Yay punctuation sillinessā¦
Ā² okay, look, I've got to find a better wayā¦
Ā³ as someone who is either LGBT+ or at least GBT+-adjacentā“, I hope to be able to participate in those communities without stealing focus from them because I'm either a part of them or at least a strong ally, and I want to be with those people and away from maga asshats
ā“ seriously, this mix'n'match shit's gotta goāµ
āµ if you haven't seen The Boondock Saintsā¦
ā¶ which I referred to as "coaching" recently because I couldn't remember that term. heh
ā· Simutrans International Forum for 25 years; various subreddits
:) I donāt (think I) have ADHD, but my wife does. The threads Iāve read on here have helped me better navigate that a bit, and Iāve almost chimed in on them a few times to share some of her (and my) experiences, but havenāt been sure about whether or not to. So I appreciate the invitation to participate.
Also, your footnotes there cracked me up. Iām a big fan of footnotes, and footnotes within footnotes always get me.
If we want to be explicitly inclusive of both autism and adhd, perhaps we should use the term "Neurodivergent" in the thread title to avoid making it seem like one or the other isn't included. The body of the thread could elaborate on what it means and what the thread is intended for.
A few things... (Slightly tired, so not as tense but also less careful... We'll see!)
Can we not just use "queer"? Or is that super outdated or possibly "too lazy so it actually becomes excluding rather than inclusive"? I like queer, it is also more fun to say ;)
For me executive nonfunction and depression are connected the other way around... When I don't manage to execute enough I get depressed (and after that they feed of each other until I get too bored or panicked).
I think I understand how you want to define and use the topic, it seems great and from what I've seen from you, you will manage it well.
Hopefully I will manage to be active in both "your" topic and the general ~health.mental one.
We? Who is this we? :) I tend to use LGBT+ because it's the term I'm most comfortable with having the fewest negative connotations. I personally am fine with "queer".
Slightly more than just the answer here: I am polyamorous. For those that include poly in the "+", or include it in "queer", I am. For those that don't, I'm not. But either way, I consider myself "way down there somewhere in the letters" for LGBT+, and "queer".
So I dunno. I can only answer for my own usage. :)
I hope so as well.
And as always, feedback from everyone is appreciated and goes into the "consensus" mix. <3
I'm glad you liked my post :) !
I was kinda surprised to see the response it got and I'm glad it allowed people to share their stories. There are tons of little snippets of my life I would like to share that could help people, kinda like organizing tips. I'm also super curious about hearing from other people's life and struggles with ADHD. You could say I'm a success story, but I also had my loooong list of troubles, just like everyone.
I think a monthly thread is better than a weekly one.
Yep, basically, I want more of that thread. :)
I would likely benefit from this. Autism spectrum / ADHD here as well.
Getting a psych provider and getting on ADHD meds has been on my to-do list for... a very long time. Sometimes I feel trapped in this chicken-and-egg scenario of 'it costs so much to even meet a provider for the first time with no guarantee they'll prescribe, and I don't have that money to gamble' and 'I need to do something about these ADHD symptoms so I can actually do more work and make more money to pay for things like healthcare'.
I can SEE that incurring that cost is the obvious solution... and yet.
Maybe being able to talk to others who have like-experiences will be beneficial. So yes please.
I had that issue for so long - I got on ritalin, but I had to do medical checkins every three months, and I couldn't afford those, so I had to give it up.