How my life changed with ADHD medication
I recall this thread https://tildes.net/~health.mental/1l62/adhd_diagnoses_are_surging_among_older_americans that I responded to in January, 2 months after my diagnosis, but about 3 weeks before I started medication. At the time, I was "self-medicating" with cannabis every weekend and I did implement positive changes, but I knew I needed something for the week and I knew I didn't want to smoke every day or take cannabis every day.
The medications
I started using Vyvanse in late January, after my diagnosis was confirmed in October, but my doctor wanted to wait for my heart results because I had consulted about my heart many many years before and it was the only thing I could answer to her when she asked me: "any past problems about your body?". In retrospect, she did well, because I now realize that most ADHD drugs are stimulants.
Anyways. My first day on Vyvanse was absolutely I N S A N E. I felt like I was the guy from Limitless taking NZT for the first time. It was like all my mind clutter got removed at once. Normally, I felt like I was losing frames every second, but with Vyvanse, I felt focused, every discussion I had that day, I was fully focused. Everything I had to do that day, or wanted to do, I did. I'm a teacher and there are TONS of stuff we need to do that is not really talked about, stuff like printing papers, organising papers for my groups (I'm in high school), reorganising my desks because someone messed with them, and so much little planning for different projects, future exams, future classes. Most of those things include some sort of planning with others, which can lead to a long list of things to do that just never ends. Well, that day, I did everything I needed to do and I felt like I wasted zero time with everything. I was efficient, quick, did all my tasks and more. I was used to doing thing fast, but I was maybe ~80-85% efficient most of the time. Well, with Vyvanse, I was at 120%. That lasted for a couple of days... and then the side effects started to really pile up.
I have insomnia, trouble staying asleep, I always wake up during the night and was also diagnosed with sleep apnea last year. So, insomnia coupled with stimulants was just not a good combo. I was not sleeping at all, probably getting 1-3 hours of sleep for multiple days in a row. My heart was often racing very much, often times at non-usual hours, such as at like 3 am...
I was super happy with the positive effects, it was exactly what I needed. I was able to start routines I had wanted to start for years, such as cooking, cleaning, planning, exercising, etc. I was able to do all that, but my heart racing and my lack of sleep really took a toll on me.
So I went to see my doctor, we tried Concerta for about a month and a half, but it did just nothing. It was maybe 15-20% of what Vyvanse was AND it still affected my heart, while not helping my insomnia. So I went back to my doctor.
We then tried Strattera. Oh boy, did Strattera work. I started it around early April and it's exactly what I needed. It's about 85-90% of the positive effects that Vyvanse had, while having close to zero side effects. I'm prepared to be on Strattera for the rest of my life. I'm on 40mg now and I don't need to up the dose, but through the years, I could go as high as 120mg, so there is room to keep the same effects for many many years.
How it changed my life
I must state that I'm in my early 30's. I've been living alone all my adult life. I had wanted to make positive changes in my life for years. I wanted to cook more, I wanted to exercise more, to organize my life, to decorate my apartment, to improve everything about my life. I had the willpower, my body just didn't follow. So, in that sense, the medication was just the final push before implementing everything in my life.
I had already started to make positive changes when I used cannabis during Fall 2024. Every weekend, I would write up a list, smoke a joint and go to work. I just wanted to be able to do that during my work week because, obviously, pot is not an ADHD drug and I couldn't be high all the time.
I can confidently say that Strattera and the medications just completely changed my life. Yes, I implemented every "positive life changes" you can think of. My life is organized, I can keep agenda updated, I can easily plan needed appointments, I follow-up on people when I tell them too. Remember all the times you've told people "oh yeah, I'll do that later!" and didn't follow up? Well, now I do follow up every time. I have planned my whole summer (yeah, teacher vacation!) easily... the list just goes on.
Being organized helped me in myriad of ways, in fact, it helped me use cannabis for (what I think is meant to be used) creativity. Now, I smoke a joint every Sunday, when all my chores are done, and I just think about creative projects I have always had and I work towards them, but it's mostly just thinking and writing some of it down. I made huge progress in a fantasy story I had in mind for years. I made huge progress in planning some class changes I wanted to implement next years; stuff like changing the desks configuration, offering benefits for work, changing the work style of my students, etc. And you know what? I'm thrilled to work towards that. I have some camping planned this summer where I plan to go alone and just think about that stuff in nature.
Anyways.
The biggest change is honestly just being able to switch from a short-term, adrenalin-energy-based life, to a long term life. I'm hopeful towards the future, because I know I'll be able to see my projects come to fruition. Even if it takes 10 years, I know I can do the work. I understood that, ultimately, life is work. There is stuff you just need to do. I cannot just not do the dishes, I cannot just not pick up after myself. I cannot just not take out the trash. But now, my brain is not tuned around maximizing short-term dopamine, my brain is now tuned around maximizing overall happiness, so I can do that "needed" stuff, while doing everything else while not being more tired than I was before.
I can just be the man I have always wanted to be. I always wanted to help people, to love people. Every other weekend, I go see my sister and help her with her house. Sometimes, I work like 7-8 hours a day, and I'm happy to do it.
Don't get me wrong, I still have time in my week where I have leisure time: I game about 10-14 hours every weekend, I surf reddit and youtube ~2-3 hours every day, but I just plan those moments better and end up enjoying them more, honestly. Every time I meet up with my friends, I fully enjoy it. It's not like I'm "no, sorry, gaming is not productive, so I won't do it." It's more like "yes, I can game freely now!".
Anyways, thank you for reading me, I just wanted to share my experience and I hope you'll free yourself from the judgement/negativity around being diagnosed/medicated with ADHD. If you think you might have ADHD, go to a doctor. Once I reached for help and got my diagnosis, it absolutely completely changed my life for the better. My only regret is not going to the doctor earlier, but I didn't, because "everyone has ADHD", yeah.
I love hearing about other ADHD success stories! Thanks for sharing. While I was reading the section on your side effects with stimulants, I was thinking that atomoxetine (brand name straterra) might be a good alternative. It isn’t for everyone, but for the people it works for, it’s pretty fantastic.
Also, OP, I can recommend getting into the habit of exercising daily. I used to run daily, and it was absolutely fantastic for my symptoms. I used to tell people that my straterra is only useful to get me to do my daily run, and the run itself is what actually improves my life. I have had to stop, for various reasons including an injury, but I wish I could get back to it.
I agree completely. I will also add: even if you are completely sure you will never take ADHD medication, get a diagnosis anyway. The diagnosis, for me, was the largest part of the healing process. It can still be very useful, even if you don’t take medication.
..... I have an appointment with my family doctor in a month, for an unrelated issue. But maybe I'll ask to try some form of ADHD medication again. Previously, I've tried Vyvanse, Concerta and Adderall, with none of them having any effect (positive or negative) whatsoever. I would read stories like yours where someone with ADHD takes something and they see the matrix, and I'm here thinking wow that sounds nice. My last attempt, I gave up when I went back to the doctor to report no change and they said, well were you diligently taking them every day? To which I can only look at the floor with shame and said, no, the medication that's supposed to help me to do a simple task once a day hasn't helped because I don't have the ability to do a simple task once a day for two weeks. And they gave me the all too familiar "well I'm surprised and disappointed in you, and I can't help you if you won't help yourself" speech.
I would find loose medication next to a water glass on the counter. From how many days ago? I would find a medication jar open and I'm not sure if I already took one today or left it from yesterday. I had those senior people MON to SUN boxes and I'm not sure if I took one already or forgot to refill it last week. It's like my mind is a relational database where no date time columns are allowed, and you have to search things by compound keys only (composition of multiple columns), and entries are made or not made or mysteriously dropped unless something completely unique happens. (Edit: for folks with working brains who are thinking, well then write it down or mark it on a calendar or use some additional tool -- please understand those are all extra steps, and I'm failing to complete the sequence of "go to box, open box, take 1 item, put in mouth". One time I went to a grocery store for coffee with a written list, I went to the aisle, found the coffee, checked off coffee, then paid for other groceries and came home. Without coffee. Extra steps are hurdles of barriers, not scaffolding help.)
Anyway, thanks for sharing, and I'm very happy for you and great job keeping at it until you found something :)
This sucks. Especially shitty that you’ve been given grief by your medical providers for having symptoms of the disorder that they’re meant to be treating you for. What the hell?
I don’t have ADHD, but I do have a close friend with ADHD that really struggled with this same issue (for years). One thing that eventually helped was having someone (me) with somewhat higher executive function pester him (gently) about it every morning. Obviously not everyone has someone in their life they can rely on for this, and it requires like… more vulnerability than really should be necessary for basic medical care, but if there’s anyone in your life that could be your pesterer, maybe that could help?
Yeah, what the hell right? :D it's like yelling at someone that they're not walking off missing legs.
:D my spouse also has ADHD hurray!! It makes for probably more fun than the average marriage and I'm still deeply in love after more than two decades.
But yeah, it also means we have executive functioning deficiencies in different ways. He offered, and we tried for a while, but it requires him basically burning mental health cycles to be racked by anxiety about it 24/7 for the task. I can metaphorically hear his fans turn on and hard disk spinning noises whirr, as [-1!] markers pop up and his HP bar drains. :| we were hoping that once the medication kicks in I can take back over but the kinda I tried didn't do anything. Also, usually they don't work for 24 hours anyhow so by next morning it wouldn't help.
Happy for your friend! And yeah it requires some vulnerability and your being a trustworthy and non judgemental friend.
This speech, which I'm also all too familiar with, always pisses me off. Because it causes me to avoid the doctor. I don't want a speech. I don't want guilt. I want understanding. I want acknowledgement that the disorder that involves a lot of FORGETFULNESS is a valid reason to occasionally forget to take your meds. I'd get some suggestions like use reminders, use a weekly pill planner, etc. and I did. I tried all of those and wouldn't you know it, I still forgot. Or I'd be in the middle of something and need to hold off on taking them for a few minutes and then forgot.
I've shared this story here before, but I ultimately lost my prescription from my primary care physician because he decided the forgetfulness was "self-medicating" :| So now I can either pay out the ass for a psych to prescribe it, drive to another county to escape the regional medical corporation that owns EVERYTHING, or use sketchy-but-legal online services that don't take insurance.
I'm so sorry that that happened to you, and I'm sure it's the refrain of many who tried and were dropped from not being good enough. And I hope that your situation has a happier turn around. What if you told them you were also having some other private stressor and now that's gone and you're okay to try again? (Pessimism: "pt is drug seeking")
It's so ironic, right? Medical school is so hard that only very with it people can get through with grit , and they should be proud! But it also means successfully graduated medical people can't understand why some of us are failing in ways that doesnt mean we just aren't "applying ourselves". -...-
Ah, man, that sucks. I really hope you'll be able to find a medication that works for you. Perhaps go for a higher dose? I'm not a doctor, so I don't know.
I would also suggest maybe starting with the medication when you're on vacation, maybe the time off everything with no plans in sight will help to take the medication daily. There have been times when I almost forgot it, but since it's the first thing I do in the morning now, it's kinda hard not to take it. I literally: wake up, take the pill bottle, take a pill, then I start my day.
Sorry if this is unsolicited advice, just want to help. I understand your struggles, you'll find the solution eventually, I'm sure.
Thank you, Randomise, I know you get it :) and honestly I'm so thrilled "one of us" made it, y'know? And although there was 89% whining, I did originally meant it wholeheartedly that I'm happy for you and I'm thankful to you for gifting me with the courage to try again. And that hopefully I'll be making a post one day saying, your post was the last push I needed and I made it out as well.
My understanding, having done my homework here (not implying about anyone else), having been diagnosed 5 years ago: upward of 75% of ADHDers respond favorably to medication.
*Autism tangent
Late (adult) autism diagnosis is fairly new. It seems (anecdotally) to be a newer phenomena than late (adult) ADHD diagnosis. This implies that estimates of the size of the undiagnosed autistic population is likely only climbing as more people get tested or self-identify as autistic.
Differentiating between ADHD and autism and the presence of both is tricky. While there are nomenclatural overlap between conditions, this seems to do both a disservice. "Hyperfocus" is cited as aspects of both; however, each manifests quite differently. And AuDHDer (e.g., me) manifests it differently under different conditions: one, the other, or both.
I'm considering start a "Diagnose me with autism" thread as my wife is in talks to her therapist about a possible AuDHD diagnosis (we've both been diagnosed with ADHD for two decades)… but I'm wondering: Do you (or others reading) have any suggestions for reading for an adult with ADHD who is wondering if there's a bit of autism in there as well?
I am a little less read up on autism, so please forgive any lack of knowledge that comes through, but I know there is a spectrum. I'm not sure if that corellates completely with, e.g., high/low functioning..... but I do know that if I do have it, I'd be on the lighter end of it. But I just keep reading things that make sense when I read about autism. Maybe not as strong as ADHD, where I'm basically like "yep, dat me" t like 99% of it, but.... it's like... ⅓ to ½ of some of the lighter end stuff seems a little too familiar, if you know what I mean? lol
I don't think a diagnosis - formal or self - is as critical as the ADHD diagnosis was… I think at this point it's mostly a "Yep, ADHD but also maybe a little bit of this as well". heh.
Genuinely, I don't recommend the "diagnosis me" sort of thread. I'd strongly suggest just working with a therapist who is open to the possibility and talking it through, especially since a diagnosis doesn't seem crucial to your day to day -like needing accommodations at work. While self-diagnosis can be valid, it takes time and folks here are mostly not experts and are probably going to be operating off of old information, stereotypes, and the like and it would be literally unethical for a mental health professional to diagnose you this way.
Also FWIW, the high-low functioning is not the ideal way to look at autism these days, it's more about support needs in a variety of different areas and someone may have more than they think when they include emotional or social supports not just commonly perceived ones like communication supports.
In making my reply to myself in this subthread, I think I basically accomplished something similar to what I would have been going for with a thread - if anyone chimes in on it anyway. heh.
I would have explained better in such a thread, but by "diagnose me" — I don't take diagnoses from internet people, even ones I like and/or adore on a site that generally has damned good levels of discourse. Just framing it in those terms to be light about it.
At this point, it's a point of curiousity mostly; but also slightly changes how I interact with people with autism or AuDHD - as someone adjacent who feels pretty damned close to the community, or as someone possibly in the community. Not a whole lot of difference. And lastly, if I decide I might well be, then it becomes worth more of my time to look for strategies on dealing with some of that. It might anyway on topics that I feel adjacent on anyway, just moreso if I decide I might well be.
Alas, my medical budget is overextended on copays and medicines and such; I can't afford to throw therapy into the mix.
I would expect any medical professional to keep well out of it for reasons you've basically cited and with which I already agree.
But lastly; I did enough reading tonight — well, I ahve read someon autism before, but not a whole lot; I read a little more this evening - and caught the change in what they mean by "spectrum", so I just had that updated, but I still highly appreciate your information because I hadn't had that updated when I'd written my previous. lol. I have picked up a lot of patchy information about autism, so I will be increasing that to get a better baseline.
And actually lastly, I just want to emphasize that I'm comfortable with a less formal diagnosis (i.e. not a diagnosis but a feeling from myself and possibly others) only because I don't think it has a great deal of affect on my life at this point; it might colour my participation in some conversations and seeking out more coping techniques; but I think it's like my dad and ADHD: We're pretty damn sure mine came from him, but he's retired and doing fine and feels no need to get a diagnosis nor seek medication… and I think I agree. It might help in a little bit in some ways, but he's doing fine and coping well. And I think his is less severe, too. heh.
Hopefully all makes sense. Let me explicitely say that I highly appreciate your input and value it. While I won't rank who on here I listen to in a list for any number of reasons, I will say that you are rather closer to the top than the bottom of such a list. :) And in this case, I think I mostly already agree and mostly just expressed myself poorly. :)
@chocobean pointed to a list of symptoms/checklist, and so I'm gonna put them here and comment. lol.
Definitely not. I was reading before I was 2 years old. Anecdata: My dad tells of one time I asked what something was. He explained what it was. I said, "No, I know what it is, I want to know what you call it". lol
Hmm. A mixed bag maybe?
I did moderately often pretend to be talking fast and I would say something like "guh-bah-dee" quickly over and over.
I've looked at echolalia, and… sometimes a little? I do even now tend to do the "How are you?" / "How are you?" even without saying like "I'm good, how are you?". I assumed this was an ADHD thing, though. heh.
I can understand metaphor/etc, but… I have always tended to interpret things literally at first. I always had trouble with questions like "You don't want to do the thing, do you?" - even writing that. My answer is always "Yes [ I do not want to do the thing ]", when they want "No [ I do not want to do the thing ]". To the point where even typing that I had to stop and think for just a sec. lol
I have always had an advanced vocabulary. I've been made fun of all my life. I try to tone it down but it's hard because I don't always know what others do or don't know. I remember 30 years ago in my group of friends - I said "Fie on you!" and there was a discussion about what that meant. I thought they were being silly - but they really were not aware of the word. But I also know that I picked up an especially archaic vocabulary from reading lots of 18th-19th century British fiction, thus sparking amusing events when I used "erection" and "ejactulation" in their perfectly fine but outdted meanings (essentially "building/structure" and "outburst" respectively).
Pauses I'm not sure about.
No, but I echo the accents of people I'm around - well, I used to unconsciously. Now I tend not to, but I still sometimes struggle not to, and I definitely tend to quickly code-switch to whoever I'm talking to. Not sure if any of that would be related. I've also been really good at accents to the point where I've gotten to do some in plays where I would have otherwise been discouraged from an accent. heh.
Not sure on this one, but I think possiblynot.
This rings a little true, but I'm not sure it rises to sufficient level. And definitely I wear my emotions on my sleeve, so I suspect this probably doesn't apply.
This one hits. I don't have a huge problem with it, really, but I do tend to avoid it much of the time. When I'm talking with someone, in particular, I strongly tend not to look at them. Although sometimes I need to, especially if I need to judge emotions and body language and such behind the talking. But if we're just casually talking, I tend to specifically (unconsciously) look away.
I have mixed feelings on this along with some related things. I feel I have learned a lot of reading between the lines, sometimes to the point that goes beyond average. But a lot of the time, I feel blindsided by things related to this. I definitely feel my learning of these things was massively delayed. heh
Fuck me yes. I'm constantly interrupting and apologizing. Happened several times in my meeting today - "Well, that brings up a good point---oh, sorry, no, please continue". And finding a place to insert in a conversation in a group can be stupidly difficult.
I think I've gotten much better about this, but this is one of the ones I was aware of and started to make me wonder a bit.
In addition to everything specifically listed there, I will also often read a sentence, recognize all the words, understand all the meanings of all those words, put together a possible thing that sentence can mean - and it feels somewhat unlikely. So I seek alternate things that sentence can mean, but I come up with even less and less likely ways to read it. So I will have no idea what someone is trying to say.
(And yet, I can also pick up on subtext an awful damn lot of the time)
I struggle with this. I want to know everything about everyone, but I also don't want to bother people. I talk about myself constantly to the point where it bothers me (not that I can help it much).
but I am also empathetic and know I am, and so I know I also do participate in conversations asking others about themselves....... but I definitely feel I struggle with that, too.
Honestly, I have no clue on this one. lol. I'm going to guess maybe no, but I don't know.
Hyperfocus! So not sure outside of that. Really, I'm trying to think about this one, and anything I can think of feels too strongly ADHD-centric to attribute to autism.
Not sure, but multiple anecdotes of me pointing at stuff, soooooo maybe.
I find this sentence confusing because of course I find some social rules confusing while at the same time I understand a lot of social rules. :/
Definitely a no. I am very empathetic, including wanting to know about others' interests.
I have had some trouble with this. These days, I think I've done enough customer service in my life that I tend toward the corporate-speak side of things more often than not. but I think as a kid I tended towards being a little oblivious and too open/honest/straight with opinions. lol
I don't think I have problems with this one per se, but I have been blindsided more than once finding out someone I liked and who I thought liked me hated me. :-/
er..... doesn't everyone? Although I think I can imagine some things??
Uhhhhh.... this one kind of hits. I'm not sure I can determine from such a short sentence, but I think this one probably hits pretty strongly.
Hmm.
I dunno. Does this spark feelings in others one way or the other? lol
If you are interested in investigating an autism diagnosis, especially as an adult, I think reading the diagnostic guidelines directly isn't going to paint the fullest picture. If you want to explore the possibility yourself before seeing a medical professional about it, I recommend taking the RAADS-R online. This screening test is designed to catch undiagnosed autism in adults who "escape diagnosis" because their presentation wasn't as obvious when they were children, and as a result the questions are designed to focus on things that are easily overlooked until they're brought up. This website also provides a lot of statistical information about the test that can help you assess how strong a signal your score is and even includes some criticism of how the questions are framed. I believe this website also has links to other autism assessments to take online, but the RAADS-R is a good starting point.
Heh - last time I tried the Ritvo, I scored something like 177, which prompted a question to my therapist about autism. This time, 155. As I said elsewhere, it's not really a question whether I'm diagnosable, just whether there's any additional treatment that would be beneficial at my current stage of life. I camouflage like a professional actor by now.
I’m not who you posted this for, but decided to take the test anyway. Got a score of 118. I personally attribute most of my « non-normal » answers to introversion or ADHD (which I seem like they have a lot of symptom overlap with ASD). I think I might ask my psychiatrist about it, once I get insurance again.
I’ve been very vocal, even in this thread, about how my ADHD diagnosis itself was incredibly helpful to me, even without any medication. Do you think the same is true for an ASD diagnosis? I know there isn’t any medication available, so what could an ASD diagnosis really provide me ?
I don't think ASD diagnosis is generally as effective as an ADHD diagnosis when it comes to treatment options. There's no solution as effective as ADHD meds that's gated behind a diagnosis in the same way. It might be worth discussing with an open-minded mental health professional, especially if you're already seeing one, but an official diagnosis doesn't offer you as clear-cut a benefit as in the case of ADHD.
Also, 118 is very high to blame your answers on introversion or ADHD. I've got ADHD and I'm an introvert, and I've suspected I may be on the spectrum myself, and my RAADS-R score was almost half yours!
I wonder how intentional the vagueness of the questions are.
Like is it intentionally baiting respondents so the diagnostician doesn't have to waste time going through the full questionnaire?
I understand it is not the case, but still:
What does "often" even mean in this context and who keeps track of their word and phrase history?
"Often" is inherently at least somewhat subjective, and exactly what "counts" varies based on a variety of contextual factors (don't get me started talking about scalar implicature and go all off topic about linguistics here...). Generally allistic people are capable of answering questions that use words like "often" without necessarily rigidly defining the boundaries of what "often" entails.
I'm also under the impression that when you use a phrase from a movie or tv show, you are aware you're using a phrase you picked up from a movie or tv show. When I use the "if I had a nickel every time X, I'd have two nickels..." joke from Phineas and Ferb in conversation (which I do often enough to make me ponder what my answer to this question would be), I'm aware I'm using something I got from a movie or tv show, even if I've forgotten which particular show it was from (which has happened in the past). I don't think anyone keeps an exact count of how often they use a phrase they picked up from other media, but they should have a sense of whether they do it at all and to what extent they do it, which should allow at least an attempt at answering the question -- the fuzzy boundaries of words like "often" would allow most allistic people to make what they consider an honest answer without keeping count of exactly how many times they've done this.
Some of the questions are indeed a bit too vague and there are some legitimate points to be made with regards to the language used (the site I linked in my earlier comment contained criticism from an autistic psychiatrist to that effect). But I think attempting to rigorously define away the vagueness in all the questions is itself somewhat telling as part of an autism screening test, as these are not so vague that most allistic people would have trouble with any more than one or two of them from what I can tell (though I have no idea whether this was a deliberate part of the test's design or just an artifact of its being designed by neurotypicals).
Offtopic, but I didn't realize the "I'd have two nickels" thing was from that source. I picked it up purely second-hand.
Slightly more ontopic… based on my score I'm not indicated for autism, but based on my problems with the phrasings… I might still well be. lol
Thank you so much for that link. That was interesting.
My score of 55 was mostly in the social area. But I did have a hard time with the test, because in a number of cases, my answer was "This is true for me some or a lot of the time, but most definitely not all the time", which doesn't exist as a possibility. So I had to try and "round it" to either the compeltely true all the time or compeltely false all of the time.
So I'm still waffling a bit. lol. I definitely don't seem to have many indicators for most of the classes of questions.
It may just burn on my back burner for longer until such time as I need to talk to a therapist again and I can approach it then. And I think my official self diagnosis will perhaps be Au?DHD or something like that. lol. i.e. a "maybe" self-diagnosis.
I feel even more drawn to the autism community, as I've felt an affinity for quite a while. But I'll still consider myself an outsider for now; but perhaps sibling diagnosis - strong enough ADHD that it presents similarly in some respects, perhaps.
I appreciate all the discussion and resources. I don't think it has much practical effect, but I will keep an eye out for relevant reading. :)
I did, however, more strongly end up supporting the diagnosis of my wife as AuDHD. I think her therapist has all but formally ended up with that, but I'm a little behind - I don't poke her to tell me what's going on in her therapy. But she's got food texture issues among other markers that I definitely don't.
Ah yeah your results remind me of my own, I think mine was in the low 60s last time I took it. Enough that I'm not dismissing the possibility, but it's definitely not as incredibly obvious as my ADHD is (or at least ought to have been). My ex-wife was autistic but didn't have ADHD, though, so I think I probably have a bit too much experience contrasting us and our symptoms as a result.
That's actually even more helpful to know in my consideration. :)
I think with my wife, the severity of her ADHD masked the symptoms of autism, if anything. lol.
Common misconception that autistics lack empathy. We're often empathetic to the point that the empathy causes us hurt.
Thank you for this. I was just reacting to the list; I hadn't really put more thought into it. But in doing a little pondering on it after your reply, I appreciate that very much.
When I was new to the wheelchair, I would mention being "wheelchair bound" meaning I couldn't walk (but could transfer). I was corrected on this: There have been problems where people have not helped wheelchair users escape things like fires, thinking that they were bound to the chair and couldn't be moved, when this is not the case. So it's a discouraged term. Once the logic was explained, I happily was on board.
I'm not sure if I didn't think people with autism could be empathetic or not before, but I appreciate the note and it's been updated in my mental store of knowledge. :)
And thank you. This is the kind of compassionate humility that brings me back here.
??? Intrigued! What does your hyperfocus look like?
Either dopamine driven and novelty seeking
Mastery and depth driven, spending a lot of time and energy on an interest or few.
Or sometimes both. Both is rare and it can be annoying. My journey to understand my autism has elements of both.
I'm very happy to hear this! Thank you for your comments :)
Oof, I completely relate to your trouble taking pills regularly. It's kind of a bitter irony that so much of addressing ADHD requires exercising skills that are hindered by the ADHD.
YMMV ofc, but here are some things that help me:
This might be a weird question, but have you been tested for autism? My sister has both ADHD and autism, but the diagnosis of the latter came after a lot of trial and error with meds. She has a very frustrating time with stimulants, and the doctor who diagnosed her autism explained stimulants might not be as effective when you have both. Might be something worth looking into.
Not as weird of a question as one might suppose: there are a good number of family members / genetic kin with it. Being an East Asian woman, though, makes diagnosis complicated: the social repercussions were so severe in my upbringing with so little wiggle room for accommodations, I would have had to learn to mask almost immediately. Having followed other family members' formal diagnoses, with various surveys, interviews and forms, I don't think I tick enough boxes in any of the areas.
**BUT** if only thinking about earliest childhood.... Checklist from Autism.org.uk :
limited, delayed, or no speech (including loss of language sometime after learning to speak and avoidance of talking, despite being able to)
-- Yes - apparently I was nearly completely mute until I spoke in full sentences.
using repeated words and phrases (echolalia), made-up words, technical or very literal speech, pauses, and sophisticated or advanced language
-- Yes - apparently family got a good laugh at "little professor here"
speaking in an unusual accent
-- Yes - For a while I barked. I still often repeat my own words under my breath without realizing.
differences in rate of speech (fast/slow) and intonation (monotone/varied)
-- Yes I still speak too quickly
using fewer gestures or facial expressions to communicate
-- No, I was always told I have too many expressions and gestures. Uh-oh was I flapping or stimming?
preferring not to make eye-contact or finding this uncomfortable
-- yes still, but this is an East Asian thing right?
finding it difficult to recognize or read body language or facial expressions
-- yes? I had no idea what a smile was when told to smile for kindergarten grad pics. All efforts by teachers failed, in my picture I have a weird open mouth blank stare.
finding it hard to judge pauses, turn-taking, or to be interrupted during conversations
-- no I was expected to be silent. Being interrupted by screaming at to sit down shut up is normal.
being confused by metaphors and idioms, not always understanding hidden meanings or inference and taking phrases literally
-- no? prior to age ~6ish I have no memory of being confused by what other people are saying because I wasn't listening to them.
not engaging in a two-way conversation (for example, not asking other people questions about themselves)
-- yes? I was expected to be silent, and happiest when I wasn't talked at, why prolong "conversation"?
mismatching non-verbal and verbal communication (for example, saying they are feeling an emotion, but with body language that doesn't appear to align with that emotion)
--no? I was told I looked angry and defiant a lot, but that's actually how I probably felt too
seems less aware of others around them – for example, they might not respond to their name being called
-- yup, Major Space Cadet
autistic babies and toddlers may not smile when smiled at by others or point when they want to show others something or find something interesting
-- not a question - there are no baby / toddler photos of me, and parents don't remember; they were busy because sibling was very sick frequently
find following ‘social rules’ confusing
-- ?yes? see angry / defiant
talking in depth about their own interests, but not engaging in others’ interests
-- ?no? I was expected and compelled to engage with others' interests, but taken for granted that they wouldn't be interested in my interests, so I was constantly performing interest from earliest times. My most frequent desire was to be left alone.
being direct and honest in communicating opinions (often more direct and honest than people expect; for example, saying they don’t like something when they might have been expected to tell a 'polite' lie)
-- no : i did not communicate opinions. Oh wait no, one time, I called my first grade teacher a "b-word" and got in trouble.
difficulty telling the difference between someone being friendly or joking and someone trying to bully or hurt their feelings
-- ?yes? other way: I had trouble understanding when I was apparently bullying other kids, i thought we were joking.
difficulty imagining experiences they have never had
-- ?? maybe, see above
having a clear idea of right and wrong, and a strong sense of justice, but may struggle with grey areas or unclear rules
-- no pretty happy to form my own rules, see angry and defiant. Was constantly in trouble for lying / saying untrue things.
Oh gosh. =..= is there a point pursing a diagnosis this late in the game? What kind of ADHD meds did your sister finally respond to?
Honestly I think it's worth looking into it. Knowing is not likely to miraculously fix everything or give you all the answers. But I still think understanding yourself better can make a difference.
Regarding my sister, she ended up taking an analogue of strattera, which helps, but she didn't find it made a huge difference. I think the biggest thing that helped was learning her limitations and working around those (same for ADHD to be fair). Luckily she also lives in a country where she was able to ask for certain accommodations at work, but I know that's not possible everywhere. The one issue she still struggles with is masking, which you also mentioned. She'd done it for so long she's worried she's lost some sense of self. Meds unfortunately won't help with that, it'll likely require a lot of therapy and introspection.
I'll mention it to my doctor along with the ask for ADHD meds :<
Fortunately it sounds like the next generation will have an easier time than most of us. In most countries anyhow.
I found your answers fascinating, btw
Note that there are pill bottles with timer-caps, which automatically count the time since the bottle was last opened. It can't help you with "take the pill out of the bottle, forget the pill," but it would conclusively tell you if you haven't even done that much.
There are a bunch of senior citizen stuff that I need like that: sensor for when stove is too hot or on when no one is around; alarm when fridge door is open; auto lock doors at night; beeper when stuff in dryer/washer is sitting going mouldy; microwave food hasn't been eaten...
I was diagnosed as an adult about 5 years ago, mid-pandemic. I remember the first day I took my medication, I went for a walk, and I was just so shocked at how quiet it was.
Not how quiet the world was, how quiet my thoughts were. I could actually control and direct my train of thought. What the fuck? I thought maybe my meds would make me more productive, sure, but literally more "functional"?? It was insane. I could direct my thoughts wherever I wanted, and by the time the walk was over, I could retrace my thoughts back to the very beginning of my walk. What. The. Fuck. I had never experienced anything it.
Absolutely life changing. I'm with you. I'm glad it's making a difference and thank you for sharing your story.
Oh my! "Direct my train of thought" is such a relatable phrase. It's definitely the very first thing I noticed on the first day too. The way I described it to people is like, I used to have a big tree of thoughts and it was somewhat centralized, but I would grow a branch, then grow another branch, then another branch. Sometimes I would come back to the tree, but sometimes not, and I never really controlled the growth. The first day on meds, it was like I could actually finish a thought, see it through, then just... not think about something if I wanted. I could control my mind. It was crazy. I 100% felt what you felt, what an experience it was (and it still is!).
The tree branches are such a good description, that's how my mind is too. In the background of the tree is static constantly. Adderall XR works really well for me, and on it, even my low 10 mg dosage, I'm amazed at the quiet. I've been on the same dosage for almost a year (tried Concerta and something else I can't remember right now before it), and I still sometimes sit and marvel at the peace and quiet while on it. I can actually get the things done that I want to get done. My favorite example is laundry: I love having clean clothes, put away in their storage places, but off of meds, they will sit in the dryer (or clean laundry basket) for days on end. And I'd feel shame every time I walked by it. On meds, my laundry is finally dry? Let me put that away now so future me will be happy to have clean clothes, folded and put away in their respective drawers (or hanging in the closet).
I remember one day like 6-7 years ago, I just sat down and wrote in one of my notebooks all the things I like in life. You know, things like "I like it when it's a raining day and I can stay inside" "I like feeling the warmth of the sun in the early mornings" "I like playing boardgame nights with X", etc.
One weekend, while I was high this autumn, reorganizing a closet, I found that notebook and remembered I had a page full of those "I like" phrases. You know what was the very first sentence? "I like when my apartment is clean". Absolutely blew my mind.
I relate so much to the laundry comment. I just love it when everything is neatly at its place, and laundry is no exception. Off meds, I used to fold laundry maybe once every 2 months? It always sat in the basket as you said. Now, on meds? I just do it instantly. I'm so happy afterwards, crossing "Laundry" off my to-do list, feeling great gaming after knowing I've done all the little chores :)
I'm curious though, what do you mean by "quiet"? Even on meds, it's never really "quiet", more like controlled and calm.
There's just a certain, calming, cozy feeling when everything is clean. So I get why that might be first on your list.
Without meds, it's noisy. There are a ton of different thoughts/trains of thoughts all the time that I don't have control over, along with a background of static. With meds, I can pick the thought I want and focus on it, and there's no static. I can clear my mind on meds.
I don't even understand the meaning of this sentence. Thoughts are like the air: they hang, they form eddy's, they are a cloud with no link from one gas molecule to the next. As each one sprouts, it's like pumping little squirts of scent into the mist where they mix and disperse. You can still experience some of it, or at least the memory or feel of parts of it, but each moment is forever mingled unto the universal whole.
You're saying your thoughts are like beads along a string, and you can follow the thread all the way back picking up each distinct bead, still solid, whole and formed as it existed when you placed them.
I wouldn't go that far, I just mean I was finally able to follow my train of thought, and just remember the things I thought about along the way, like a trail of bread crumbs.
Kind of like when you're in a conversation and you're like "how did we even start talking about bread crumbs?" And then you're like "oh right, we talked about ADHD and Vyvanse, then we talked about memory and train of thought, and that led us here."
Your first poetic description of memory is very apt :) Before my meds, though, sometimes my thoughts would race down a rabbit hole so quickly, I would suddenly "wake up" and realize my walk was over, with very little memory of where I'd been or what I even thought about, even if there were things I wanted to remember.
I had the same reaction as you. It felt like putting glasses on for the first time. Too bad the side effects were too brutal to deal with, now I'm back to the relentless brain screaming.
Insomnia, high blood pressure, anxiety, or all of the above? 🙃
Insomnia yes, but the biggest issues were appetite loss and nausea. I'm already underweight and suffer from permanent morning sickness, so that only made things way worse. I also had to increase the dose continuously, so it didn't feel sustainable long term. Funny enough the anxiety actually disappears with the medication (which I imagine contributes to the quiet). Now I'm off meds, I realise I use the anxiety as a coping mechanism.
The only options we have here are Ritalin and Concerta. I talked to the doc about trying something else, but he wasn't very helpful. So I've made peace with being mediocre, and will continue to run on panic, for now.
I can relate to a lot of this. I had to cut out caffeine for awhile to figure out how the timing of my doses impacted my sleep and even then, I still have some sleepless nights sometimes.
I totally relate with the anxiety too. Like word for word what you said lol.
I know you're just goofing, but please don't think of yourself as mediocre.
We all have ancient primate brains built to specialize in ancient primate things. Generations ago, you would have thrived. Today, ADHD is just a concept invented by man to hand-wave that fact away.
It's not your fault the modern world isn't built for the way your brain works. That doesn't make you mediocre; it makes you stronger than most.
I was indeed being glib, but to be honest, when I say this, I mean in relation to my job more than anything. And I'm ok with that. I don't seek excellence because I just don't care enough to put the energy into it. I know I'm really good at other things, and thankfully I have the luxury of being able to do those things in my free time. The good thing about ADHD is it's made me take a step back, think about what really matters, and put my energy into that. Even without the meds, just knowing this about myself has resulted in a mental shift that's changed everything for me.
that sounds horrendous. I hope it suddenly goes away one day and never ever come back for you
It's annoying for sure but I'm used to it. Apparently it can also be linked to ADHD, especially in women. Also cold extremities apparently. Whenever I learn these new facts about fun and quirky ways ADHD affects the body, I can't help but think the universe is playing a cruel joke on us.
Ugh I wonder if ADHD is why once my video game nausea got triggered by morning sickness it never went away.
Something you said resonates with me, at least as curiosity.
If you would be willing, I'd like to hear more about this:
I've been thinking about my anxiety as a comfort blanket, like at least I know how feeling anxious feels. And sometimes anxiety or panic-just-below-panic-attack-threshhold is the only way I can imagine getting anything done.
Of course, happy to talk about it. I only really figured this out recently, but once I did a lot of things started to make sense. Some things I've noticed:
I start my day with a feeling of dread and think to myself "what's bothering me?"and, by a process of elimination, I land on the thing I'm supposed to be doing.
When it comes to getting things done, unless it's something I'm hyperfixing on, or super interested in, I have to wait until I'm in a blind panic to get it done. It's basically the only form of motivation I have, I have never felt satisfaction from completing a chore or work I'm not interested in. Reminds me of a meme I saw once where people with ADHD can do 3 weeks of work in 5 minutes. Anxiety is like rocket fuel for that.
This system only works because I have a relatively good long term memory (because I rarely write things down). The anxiety+memory combo is what works best. The problem is, with age, my memory isn't what it used to be, and very gradually it will get worse. I know I won't be able to rely on this system forever, but it's what I know.
Where it becomes dangerous is when I'm at high anxiety levels for a long period of time I will eventually hit a wall. Then the depression hits, and it can get very very bad. With time I've learned to work around this, but it can still be very exhausting. I've been in therapy for a while to try manage this and make sure I fall apart, but it's not always easy to balance.
Thank you!
I've been waiting to thank you and reply because I wanted to digest what you wrote but I haven't been able to do that in a meaningful way yet.
I've bookmarked this and will get back to it from time to time as I'm sure there is stuff for me to learn here.
Again: thank you for taking time to reply and show a bit of yourself here.
No problem at all, I hope you find something useful there or, at the very least, solace in knowing you're not alone in dealing with these feelings. Best of luck to you on your journey friend.
Found the ADHD person!
(just saying this resonated strongly with me :) )
But also to comment that I appreciated your write-up. I wouldn't've said anxiety was a coping technique, but after readinh that… that's really a good way to look at it. And I definitely am pretty similar on most of that. heh
Man, this gives me so much hope.
I'm currently trying to get my blood pressure/heart rate down so I can go on ADHD meds and it's been a long drawn out process. I'm hoping I have a success story like this, I feel like if I don't my life will fall apart.
Ask you doctor about Clonodine. It’s a prescription blood pressure reduction medication, but has off label uses for ADHD. I’ve never used it, but my psychiatrist was going to switch me to it when I was having blood pressure issues with atomoxetine.
Good to know! Thank you!
So literally last night we started on Adderal on the assumption that my heart rate is elevated due to stress caused by ADHD at work. It doesn't seem to be as elevated on the weekend.
And it tracks because my job isn't stressful, however I am extremely stressed because it's a good job with good people and relatively easy and straightforward but I'm struggling HARD, and it's the constant worry of being fired from a job that is more laid back than any other job I've had because of my ADHD symptoms with focus and executive dysfunctions and working memory.
Anyways, here's hoping it helps and if not then at least I have the name of this med to help! Thank you.
I'm wishing the best for you on it! I only did ritalin, but my wife works pretty well on adderall.
hey FYI my pulse/BP went down significantly on ADHD medication, if your doc is recommending that then they obv prob know better than an internet rando but just a data point lol—kinda like how caffeine makes some people sleepy I guess
My psych actually prescribed Adderal last night despite my high BPM, on the assumption that my heart rate is elevated due to stress caused by ADHD at work. It doesn't seem to be as elevated on the weekend.
So the fact you're saying that is actually very reassuring.
And it tracks because my job isn't stressful, however I am extremely stressed because it's a good job with good people and relatively easy and straightforward but I'm struggling HARD, and it's the constant worry of being fired from a job that is more laid back than any other job I've had because of my ADHD symptoms with focus and executive dysfunctions and working memory.
Previous jobs have been high-stress and toxic, and I've leaned a bit harder on the justification I struggle because it was a shitty job, however my current job isn't hard and the fact I'm struggling as much as I am and putting it in jeopardy causes immense amounts of stress.
So I'm hoping meds solve that.
yeah, damn—here's hoping it is as life-changing for you as it has been for me! I'll say, and I'm sure others have as well, that they may not get it the first time, but it's only a waste/hopeless/etc if you give up, so hang in there if it takes a couple tries to get things dialed in.
And knowing it's an internal conflict for you vs. an external one is, IMO, infinitely preferable, because those are the only ones you can 100% do anything about : ) So yeah, you've brought the problems with you, but that's causing you to try & address it, at which point you're unstopapble, right? So yeah I'm hoping that too.
I want to reply to this thread and to individual comments but it's overwhelming my ADHD. So if I end up bumping this thing much later, please forgive me. lol.
And posting that helped break through the executive function at least for a little bit of a post:
I still remember my first ritalin. The music stuck in my head stopped. The thing where you suddenly become aware you've read every word of something but comprehended literally nothing of it and have to go back and find out where your brain left off. Being able to stand up and go start something. It was absolutely incredible.
I couldn't keep on the meds because I couldn't afford the occasional followup with a doctor, so I was without.
I got back on them when I got insurance, but after I started having the heart attacks, was no longer allowed.
I hate so very much that I can't have them. They don't solve life, but they make it a little easier.
I'll be replying at some point to other comments, but if you're worried about meds - let me put it this way: Do you take a painkiller when you get a bad headache, or are you worried about the medication helping you get stuff done because you're not in pain? Similar thing. Stimulants - if they work for you - help you get shit done. If you don't take them, they don't help. If you take them, they help you get shit done. You can choose to get nothing done on ritalin, but you can actually choose to get stuff done easier.
I have some decent coping techniques that help to a large degree, but man I do suffer executive function loss a lot and it sucks. For the most part, my life is relatively structured around that.
I've also paid the ADHD tax so much in my life, and continue to do so. Bleh.
I definitely relate to the heart attack thing and it's the reason why I'm on Strattera (atomoxetine), there is a slight heart rate increase, but I don't have my heart racing like I used to have on stimulants. Maybe that could work for you? I suggest you look into it and talk to a doctor about using that instead of stimulants.
It can take a couple of weeks to feel the full effects of it, but it totally works for me.
I sincerely hope you'll find a good medication, it sucks knowing there's a fix out there that you cannot access...
Primary care was planning to take a second look at vyanase for me. Last time we discussed a year or two ago, he wasn't comfortable with any of them. He tried me on welbutrin, but as far as I could tell, that did absolutely nothing for me. heh. I remember we looked at strattera specifically then, alas.
I suspect the answer is still no, but I have hopes. :)
From one teacher to another: congrats brother!
Glad you found something that works for you and gives you peace, comfort, and a better sense of self.
man there is so much to teaching that seemed unbearably "extra," and maybe the reason was that most people who become teachers just... did that stuff without worrying too much about it? Because it didn't take the last shreds of their capacity for existence to add an evening of parent conferences? lol
It still sucks for us non-ADHDers too (though it's undoubtedly worse for those of y'all with ADHD -- I don't mean this to minimize anyone's experience).
My perspective is that we do it because education as an institution is really good at emotionally manipulating kind, well-intentioned people into putting up with inordinate amounts of bullshit because we think we're doing it "for the kids."
Also, without direct connection to other careers, we don't realize how far off of normal our experiences are because we're all in the same boat experiencing the same things.
That said, a lot of other careers seem to have caught up to teaching in regard to bullshit, so I think we’re less of an outlier than we used to be.
yeah i'm pretty sure that's how they've been able to maintain such relatively high standards ("high" being an undergrad degree, although that level will hardly pay the bills most places) for such low pay: they unofficially supplement your check with "meaning," "validation," "making a difference," etc. Which, that wasn't really why I was in the biz so it was jarring to realize—even more so after I got out & found out what everyone else with multiple degrees was making... because yeah they also def. don't advertise your transferable skills lol. Sigh.
I was diagnosed with ADHD, inattentive sub-type (what used to be called ADD), two years ago at the grand old age of 41.
I was offered medication at the time, but decided not to go ahead until recently as I wanted time to learn more about it and basically think over my current and past life with the new knowledge about how my brain works to put it all in context.
Decided to start the medication process earlier this year, mostly as I wanted to see if treating my ADHD would allow me to get off one or more of my other medications. Being in the UK the process appears to be a bit different from the process described by Americans that I've seen much of online. I was started on a very low dose of Methylphenidate (Ritalin), and gradually stepped up each month after having plenty of time to adapt to any side-effects.
First few months the dose was low enough for any effect to hard to distinguish, some headaches but otherwise minimal side-effects.
Once I got up to ~30mg/day (now on 40mg/day, likely the dose for the foreseeable) the effects became very noticeable, mostly:
Has it all been positive? Kinda of yes, kind of no. But even most of the "bad" bits are likely a positive in the long-term.
In terms of the expected side-effects I've had some mild headaches and a frequently get a "tingling" on my tongue, but that is about it.
One of the big short-term painful, but long-term likely very good, elements has been realising how long I've been able to mentally skip-away from distressing/painful thoughts and not dealt emotionally with some things that have been bothering me for a long time. Now that my unconscious ability to change the subject until I'm no longer thinking about what is distressing has been stymied some stuff has been "bubbling up" to the surface. This has not been pleasant to deal with, but now that I have the "clarity" of thought to actually sit and work through my feelings properly I'm increasingly certain its going to be a strong-positive in the long-term. And certainly good for my blood pressure.
To get ahead of the inevitable NHS questions, so far I've done the whole process privately. Going via the NHS was likely to be a fairly extended process, one I may have had trouble sticking with as somebody with ADHD. Going private allowed me to accelerate the process considerably since I'm lucky enough to be able to afford it. Now that my medication has been stabilised there will be a treatment plan handover to the NHS in a few weeks time, and my medication supply will switch to NHS supplied so I don't have to pay for private prescriptions any more.
I kind of went through my "Don't want to worship at the temple of productivity" phase post college, and am not super happy about the idea of being dependent on a pill to think, but given family history and my hangups on procrastinating immediate tasks and anxiety about missing critical details, I probably have something that could be improved with medication. I have some bad experiences with medication sending me up the wall or it not really helping, and trying to fine tune it while living a life in motion is difficult, to say the least. There's also the fact that I have an occupation where operating a vehicle while under the influence of a controlled substance is a no no, so that's my current excuse for not getting this looked at, along with insurance and wanting to have sufficient time off work and emotional resistance to not wanting to be a head case and probably some other stuff.
Why not? Anyone sick will take a pill to be healthy, why self flagellate? It's a disorder that can be managed through medication. A perfectly normal reason to medicate.
I'm not chastising you, I had similar thoughts before until it changed my life.
How effective the medication is for me is.. complicated and I still wouldn't change a thing.
I would hesitate to think of it as "relying on a pill to think" -- it's perfectly possible to think without it. What it makes easier for me is starting things and maintaining focus. You know how when you stand up from the couch, after thinking about getting up you have to actually initiate the act? When I'm taking my medication it's like flipping a switch, whereas when I'm off it sometimes the switch is missing or covered in goop or something. I also have hypersomnia, which stimulants are the only thing that have ever helped me with.
I'm not familiar with the regulatory side of things in your industry, but I'd encourage you to look into what accommodations are available -- unmedicated ADHD actually makes you a bigger risk, driving-wise. And non-stimulant options like Strattera aren't controlled substances, at least to my knowledge.
Geeze. This isn't the first story I've read like this and it makes me feel a pull every time. I'm in my forties and never identified with ADHD until reading stories like this.
I talk a lot. I inner monologue a lot. My mind goes a lot. I use cannabis a lot. When I first started I described it literally as quieting the noise, and helping me not think about things beyond what I was trying to do.
In my personal experiences with mental healthcare, I find that GPs will prescribe me whatever I ask for, and psychiatrists will diagnose me with the mental illness I brought up after a cursory twenty minute introduction.
I know there are quality providers out there but I've had poor luck finding any that will spend time on me. So it makes me feel extra susceptible to (clumsily) self-diagnosing and experimenting. I've never even done so far as to google ADHD symptoms in adults because I know there's likely to be a lot of really bad information out there.
I'm rambling, but to your post: I'm really happy for you, OP. You clearly did need this and I'm glad you found it. It sounds life altering.
You can try the ADHD self-report scale (ASRS- V1.1) if you want, it's really all I took. The questions are so precise that, when you're an adult, you can really recall a lot of situations to help you answer accurately.
(This is what my doctor told me) Part A is 6 questions, 0 to 5 points, 5 points for Very often, 4 for often, etc. If you have 18+ on that part. there's a very good chance you have ADHD. Part B is more for confirming and for the "hyperactive" part of ADHD.
Still, self-diagnosis is limited, always seek a professionnal to confirm. :)
Good luck!
(Yes, it is life altering)
Hahaha, oh man. just googled and found it posted online and.... uhhhh...... yeah.
I didn't bother to score myself. Every statement I read was like ".....yep. Yep. yep. That one, too. Yep. Yep." lol
Daychilde I dont mean to be rude but I always thought you had already had an ADHD diagnosis.....?
Maybe go ahead see my cooy-posted list of common autism traits as well....
RUDE!
:)
I've been diagnosed since I was 30 (20 years ago). With both diagnoses I was told I was the most severe they'd ever seen. lol
I just hadn't seen this tool and was amused when I read it, that's what I meant :)
XD that's what I thought!! Your wife went and your doctor was like oh no a high score, and then you went and your doctor needed smelling salts and a fan! I remember the story now.
Okay what ADHD meds work for you ? :D need I ideas for what to ask my doctor to try
LOL - you remember well :)
The only one I went on was Ritalin. 10mg was wild, but quickly felt like it wasn't enough. I ended up being on 20mg 3x/day when I had it.
Well. When Rachel mentioned the welbutrin, I rememberred that I was given it to try. It did nothing at all for me. Zilch. Nada. Zip. lol
That is, alas, all I was able to try.
From my wife:
Well, that was disturbing.
I've been taking it for granted most of my life that I'm probably somewhere on the autism spectrum. One parent was very obviously high-functioning autistic with a side helping of OCD, and we had a great deal in common.
It's only in the past decade or so that born-females were even diagnosable without the most extreme presentations. Though I have had a therapist go "it's very likely" when I asked about autism, I've never gone through the process of getting a formal diagnosis, and don't think it would change my life much if I got one at this point. I'm functional enough with the beneficial quirks and masking techniques - hyperfocus, hyperlexia, systemizing, mirroring, etc. I medicate the detrimental ones - auditory sensitivity, social anxiety, and so forth.
But ADHD never really crossed my mind until I just took the test /u/Randomize mentioned. The media portrayal of ADHD kids is of behavior problems in school, academic failure, ungovernable energy - certainly not my history.
I've always assumed my inability to wait for others to finish a sentence was just a rude (likely autistic) impatience and inattentiveness. The endless fidgeting with my hands was just anxiety and self soothing. The rigid attention to detail and subsequent exhaustion were just more quirkyness and depression.
I did fine in school, but was always told I was lazy and undisciplined. I'd cram and turn assignments in at the last minute all the time because I was chasing ideas in too many directions. [I've had whole careers develop from those random interests.] I had a bad experience with street amphetamines in high school, but I'd never felt so capable in my life - academic tasks I could barely force myself to attend to on a good day were suddenly effortless. It simply never occurred to me that the drugs might have been making me more normally attentive.
I've got enough going on health-wise that I can't see taking another medication now. Yet I'm wondering just how different life might have been if current ADHD diagnostic criteria were around when I was younger.
I must say I nearly cried when I could relate with every single thing you said were gone/fixed for you.
I've been struggling to keep up with my life in similar ways for a while now, but especially the last 2 years when I started living alone. I haven't kept up with basic chores, I'm afraid of losing my job. Since I'm an immigrant, that would be completely devastating and put me at a risk of being kicked out of the country within 3 months.
Sadly, in Sweden it's nigh impossible to get help without going to a private clinic (which costs roughly $3000 just for an assessment, months of savings, not counting the cost of medication). I cannot even get a diagnosis because the specialty clinic that does them rejected my application (done with an initial psychologist appointment), basically saying that since I never lost a job, done drugs, failed education or anything like that, they're not going to look at me. Since I'm an immigrant, any of those things would destroy my life (and still might).
Even if I did get approved, it's around 2 years waiting list to get assessed. This isn't hearsay, several therapists told me this. So I'm faced with a choice - do I spend A LOT of money on the private clinic, or try to manage on my own. I don't even know if I have ADHD, if the medicine would help. I know that I relate to the symptoms, for example the ones in the OP, but I have no idea if I actually have it, or maybe I'm just disorganized and lazy. I've never really significantly considered it before, but now I'm leaning more towards getting treatment. The questionnaire (apparently ASRS- V1.1 that you mentioned in another comment) one therapist gave me I (totally unexpectedly for myself) answered "frequently" on every single thing (like "do you interrupt people", "do you finish sentences", other simple things like that) except one, which was "do you get up from your chair in meetings". Which I thought was a bit ridiculous, but apparently some people have that.
Anyway, sorry for ranting, I'm super happy for you OP and it gives me more courage to maybe spend my savings on the treatment and hope that it works for me too.
That's awesome to hear! Always nice hearing success stories from fellow dopamine starved comrades. I started Adderall after running the whole gamut of them and it was the only thing that actually did something for me. Just like you described, for the first three days I felt truly alive. No doubts, no executive dysfunction, every little task was no longer a Sisyphean effort.
Then after about 3 days, it reigned itself wayyy in. Truth be told, most days I can't tell if the improvements I've made are due to the medication, or if I've just bolstered my mental fortitude a little as I've gotten older and now have my fiance to keep me accountable. At this point, though, I'm too afraid to test that theory by weaning myself off the meds. Who knows if what little effect they may or may not be having is load-bearing, lol. I've never stopped thinking about those first few days, though. Makes me wonder if that was the literal methamphetamine doing what methamphetamine seems to do best, or if that was truly myself free of the mental shackles placed on me. It's hard to put into words just how depressing that experience was for me.
Sorry to trauma dump - I rarely get the opportunity to have talks like this with people. Thank you for sharing your experience. It gives me hope
No need to be sorry, it's okay.
Is the Adderall not doing anything now? How long have you been on it? Would it be possible to change the medication? If you can afford to see a doctor, perhaps you can take the time to test some medications. Also, I realize it's hard to do, but I really put in an effort to instill good habits as soon as the medication started, so I feel like I got a little help from that, but I'd be lying in saying the medication didn't help - which is why Concerta did nothing for me, I saw what being "off drugs" was like and boy am I happy about Strattera now.
It took me 3 months and around 4 doctor visits (150$ each visit) to find the right combo. I feel like that is worth the investment, I hope you'll be able to find something that works for you. You can do it!
I honestly have no idea whether or not the Adderall does anything anymore. I don't have the best memory, and I don't really pay attention to myself well enough to notice gradual change. I've been on 30mg for probably 2 years now after trying basically every other add medication to no effect. At this point, if I told my psych I don't think the Adderall is doing anything for me, there isn't really anything else I could try, as far as I know. It took me a good couple months to get to Adderall.
Having a doctor/money isn't the issue; I've got good insurance and I regularly see my psych. If there's anything my Adderall has changed about me, it's really hard for me to see it. Everything pales in comparison to those first few days on the meds. After that wore off, I basically felt no different from before I started taking the meds. If they do have an effect, it must be pretty miniscule at this point. I have considered going off the Adderall to see if I can tell the difference then, but I'm not in a good position in my life to play with my brain like that right now. Mainly, I just wanted to see if anyone in this thread had a similar experience in the hopes they'd share their resolution with me. I'm at a bit of an impasse to this end. Thank you, though
I really hope you'll find a solution! I was kinda lucky in a sense that I had "mild" ADHD, and being a teacher, I'm kinda forced to put in work every day or else I'm just... cooked. So, I had "good" habits and some semblance of organization.
I can easily imagine how debilitating it must be for someone who has it way worse.
Don't worry about your age. There is always time, life is not over. I started turning my life around at 28, why couldn't you turn it around at 35 or 40? It's okay. You'll get better I'm sure.