This makes sense. Even 20 years ago it took me until my senior year of college to get diagnosed, because I had good grades (unless I got behind on homework) and tested very well, and wasn't...
This makes sense. Even 20 years ago it took me until my senior year of college to get diagnosed, because I had good grades (unless I got behind on homework) and tested very well, and wasn't hyperactive. Oh and wasn't a boy
If my dad were alive he'd probably be diagnosed nowadays too
I have been referred to by friends with ADHD as "the most ADHD-coded person they've ever met", but I usually function pretty well in most of the avenues that are important to capitalism. I'll...
I have been referred to by friends with ADHD as "the most ADHD-coded person they've ever met", but I usually function pretty well in most of the avenues that are important to capitalism.
I'll probably never get a diagnosis because it seems like that's a huge hurdle for even a neurotypical person to climb those hurdles, and stuff like doctors appointments is exactly where I do not function well at all.
It can be challenging depending on your doc but if you get a good one it can be life-changing—I was in the exact same boat, I could pull it off so no one was worried, but decades of doing what it...
It can be challenging depending on your doc but if you get a good one it can be life-changing—I was in the exact same boat, I could pull it off so no one was worried, but decades of doing what it takes to "pull it off" against the current like that makes you tired. ADHD dx was prob the best thing that's ever happened to me.
I do frequently feel way more exhausted than I should when I am doing absolutely nothing. Watching how much work it took my husband to get rediagnosed even though he had a diagnosis as a kid was...
I do frequently feel way more exhausted than I should when I am doing absolutely nothing. Watching how much work it took my husband to get rediagnosed even though he had a diagnosis as a kid was so daunting, I don't think I can get it together to start from scratch for myself.
Oh it's absolutely a huge hurdle. I do well in the sort of crisis/case management work that I do. Documentation of what I did.... Less great at that naturally. But the medication has very much...
Oh it's absolutely a huge hurdle. I do well in the sort of crisis/case management work that I do. Documentation of what I did.... Less great at that naturally. But the medication has very much been worth it for me. Interestingly I now register to people as incredibly ADHD coded even though 25 years ago professionals didn't clock me.
Formal diagnosis is such a judgement call and so much harder/expensive as an adult without a history of treatment.
Same. I have family members in that circle, and I'm not super interested in joining that circle because I had some post college years of trying to worship at the temple of productivity and just...
Same. I have family members in that circle, and I'm not super interested in joining that circle because I had some post college years of trying to worship at the temple of productivity and just really hating to bend myself in that way and being dependent on a chemical to think "properly." 100% my bias, and maybe that will change in the future depending on how this job situation goes and if I'm going back to school full-time.
When it comes to your own life and decisions, do whatever you think is best for you, but I do want to push back on this idea that taking medication for ADHD is "bending yourself" to "worship at...
because I had some post college years of trying to worship at the temple of productivity and just really hating to bend myself in that way and being dependent on a chemical to think "properly."
When it comes to your own life and decisions, do whatever you think is best for you, but I do want to push back on this idea that taking medication for ADHD is "bending yourself" to "worship at the temple of productivity". ADHD medication isn't just some productivity booster, it can improve and stabilize issues that interfere with your ability to live a comfortable life even if work and productivity aren't involved. Without my meds, I spend huge swaths of time napping and can have difficulty focusing on things I enjoy doing. The perception that ADHD medication is just a work aid is pervasive, but it doesn't really reflect the reality of living with ADHD for many people.
As for being "dependent on a chemical," that's just not how I like to frame it. When someone has pain or difficulty walking and a mobility aid like a cane or rollator helps them, it's not a problem that they're "dependent" on that aid -- that aid is often the key to a lot more freedom and independence, rather than being something they're constrained by. I feel the same way about my ADHD medication.
I won’t try to influence you to change your mind, I’ll just pass on this anecdote of my partner getting diagnosed and medicated — she said it doesn’t directly make her more productive and in fact...
worship at the temple of productivity and just really hating to bend myself in that way and being dependent on a chemical to think "properly."
I won’t try to influence you to change your mind, I’ll just pass on this anecdote of my partner getting diagnosed and medicated — she said it doesn’t directly make her more productive and in fact she hates that kind of framing, but on the second lowest dose of the slow-acting one, she says she spends a lot less time in the day being frustrated at her own brain, and she enjoys that she can focus on the things she loves for a lot longer than before the diagnosis.
I think of it as helping you adjust to the world that doesn't fit with your needs. Sometimes you can move the world around to fit you better but been you can't, the meds help you adjust to that...
I think of it as helping you adjust to the world that doesn't fit with your needs. Sometimes you can move the world around to fit you better but been you can't, the meds help you adjust to that external disconnect. Meds are adaptive technology and accessibility accommodations in one.
I was wondering about it - is it possible to adjust environment so that an ADHD person can wonderfully fit in, as a casual part of society? In way is to adjust that person's brain by meds, but is...
I was wondering about it - is it possible to adjust environment so that an ADHD person can wonderfully fit in, as a casual part of society? In way is to adjust that person's brain by meds, but is it possible to do it other way? Is there any profession or activity that ADHD person will feel normal doing it and still contribute to the society?
If someone had the symptoms of ADHD but was experiencing no distress you wouldn't typically diagnose them* - because of how our models of mental health work, it's only a problem if you're having...
If someone had the symptoms of ADHD but was experiencing no distress you wouldn't typically diagnose them* - because of how our models of mental health work, it's only a problem if you're having that issues functioning, or it's making you miserable, etc.
But yes plenty of ADHD people have found work and a lifestyle that suits them without medication. In our current society that usually requires a lot of work, luck, or creativity. Most people don't get all of it. The crisis management aspect of my job was perfect for my ADHD, but the admin side less so. My relationship helped compensate a lot for my ADHD but now my partner is paraplegic and his ability to accomplish things is also impaired.
There's a classic ADHD book about being a Hunter in a Farmer's World that suggests that hunters with this neurotype in a hunter gatherer society would have been more successful and an asset to their community. This is useful to me more as a thought experiment than science, there's not a lot of hard research to back that up but there's some research that the ADHD genes are more prevalent in nomadic tribes and are currently being negatively selected for and decreasing over the past 35k years. Which would suggest that maybe "neurotypical" is the new gene on the block actually. People with ADHD are typically capable (whether intentional or not) of pushing their physical needs to the side to accomplish a task. Currently I've been up since about 3am, because my brain has decided I'm awake now. This will be a problem later but I might as well think now that I'm up.
But I think the idea of feeling "normal" is misleading. I typically feel "normal" because my neurotype is normal for me. I'm also in an environment that doesn't tell me I'm abnormal all the time. ADHD impacts home and work (and school and social life, etc) so it requires either being raised in an environment that fully is adapted to you and carrying that socialization into your adulthood, or reordering your life in the face of the struggles you're having. Most of us are in that latter bucket and it can be hard. Even feeling normal, my meds make my day to day easier.
In general society can absolutely be made more accessible for people with many adaptive needs. We just tend not to because we dismiss people with disabilities, including disabilities that are mostly disabling because of society's current structure.
*This isn't hard and fast but it is as written unless recent DSM updates have changed it, but it's how I was taught.
Here is a direct quote from the DSM 5. For others reading, the DSM describes the symptoms and diagnostic criteria for everything we consider an “official” mental health disorder. The 5th edition...
This isn't hard and fast but it is as written unless recent DSM updates have changed it, but it's how I was taught.
Here is a direct quote from the DSM 5. For others reading, the DSM describes the symptoms and diagnostic criteria for everything we consider an “official” mental health disorder. The 5th edition is the latest version.
“There is clear evidence that the symptoms interfere with, or reduce the quality of,
social, academic, or occupational functioning.”
So yeah, it’s still in there as a required aspect of the diagnosis. I hope it will be modified or removed in a future revision, but I doubt it will.
The DSM isn’t perfect at describing every aspect of every condition, but it’s the standard used in psychology. It is intended to be descriptive of the current science, but it is often used prescriptively. Different psychologists will adhere to the DSM requirements differently, which can cause issues with people who have nonstandard presentations of disorders. For ADHD, women often present in ways that are not described by the DSM. They may have to search for psychiatrists willing to flex and modify the DSM requirements.
I haven't kept up with the 5-TR so I didn't want to speak definitively, thanks. There's some sense to it - someone who speaks with spirits, say as a religious practice and has no negative outcomes...
I haven't kept up with the 5-TR so I didn't want to speak definitively, thanks.
There's some sense to it - someone who speaks with spirits, say as a religious practice and has no negative outcomes or distress from that doesn't necessarily need a diagnosis or treatment.
But our world works on only getting accommodations with documentation and thus diagnosis and it's a mess.
Oh, I would actually love to, I just think it's beyond my capabilities. I can barely make a doctor's appointment. Making multiple appointments for the same issue? Following up? Before I get any...
Oh, I would actually love to, I just think it's beyond my capabilities. I can barely make a doctor's appointment. Making multiple appointments for the same issue? Following up? Before I get any kind of help? Not gonna happen. I'm in a country that's new to me so just figuring out who I should call (or should I make an appointment online?) if I had the wherewithal to make an appointment is something that I've started trying to do but have never actually done several times.
More power to ya if you just aren't into it, though.
As you've posted elsewhere where you live, I can point you towards 1177 and their page on ADHD (google translate seems to work fine on the page). It should be OK to call 1177 and ask for advice on...
As you've posted elsewhere where you live, I can point you towards 1177 and their page on ADHD (google translate seems to work fine on the page). It should be OK to call 1177 and ask for advice on how to proceed, but I've not done it myself and I don't know if your immigration status somehow affects this.
Thank you for looking that up, it is incredibly kind of you. I called 1177 about my anxiety a few months back, which is a much bigger hurdle for me, and they told me to call vårdcentral. I did,...
Thank you for looking that up, it is incredibly kind of you. I called 1177 about my anxiety a few months back, which is a much bigger hurdle for me, and they told me to call vårdcentral. I did, and I don't remember how it turned out exactly, but I didn't get what I wanted or pointed towards an obvious next step, which is basically my kryptonite.
I know the sensible thing to do is "call one or both of those places again" or "maybe try to actually keep track of what they told you so you at least know what went wrong" and yes, I agree, those are definitely things that I should do. I intend to do them! Eventually.
Adding on to this, I have combination type ADHD - I'm internally hyper, and externally, very spacey. Being internally hyper means that my brain won't shut up. The first time I took Adderall, my...
Adding on to this, I have combination type ADHD - I'm internally hyper, and externally, very spacey.
Being internally hyper means that my brain won't shut up. The first time I took Adderall, my brain was quiet, and I was able to experience clear thoughts for the first time, instead of several different trains of thought at the same time going in circles. I'm not taking the medication to alter my life to fit into society, I'm taking it to calm the thoughts inside my head, so I don't burn out by noon.
Does it have the benefit of helping me feel like less of an outcast? Sure, but it also really helps me be able to do things I like to do, without being so overwhelmed with the idea of starting something that I just never do any of my hobbies, just collect them. When I take Adderall, I'm able to actually follow a sewing, knitting, embroidery pattern, I'm able to follow a recipe and clean up the sink. I'm able to sit and work on just one art piece until I want to take a break, instead of unlocking my iPad and staring at a blank canvas on procreate or affinity and crying because I feel too paralyzed with ideas to just start.
Just something to think about, though I understand medication isn't for everyone, and there are so many other non-chemical ways to handle ADHD. They just don't work for everyone, and for some, Adderall is a last resort (it's me, I'm some).
I'm in a similar boat. My entire immediate family and I all very obviously have ADHD, but my sister is the only one amongst us who ever displayed the "classic" symptoms (hyperactive, unable to do...
I'm in a similar boat.
My entire immediate family and I all very obviously have ADHD, but my sister is the only one amongst us who ever displayed the "classic" symptoms (hyperactive, unable to do homework, etc.) — but even she went undiagnosed until she was much older because people just didn't think girls could have ADHD. I am the severe hyperfocusing type (and female to boot), so there was certainly no hope for me to get diagnosed when I was still young.
Over the last 6 or 7 years, I've made several aborted tempts to seek diagnosis, but 4 of the 5 or so doctors I've seen did not take it seriously (on the basis of my gender, my age, and my lack of hyperactivity). The one doctor who did take it seriously was one who specializes in ADHD in particular and knew what the full array of symptoms and sufferers can look like, but she was not able to find me any help because resources were stretched too thin at that time (after the pandemic eased up).
Meanwhile, my partner managed to get diagnosed a couple of years ago, much more easily than I did because he has far milder symptoms than me (i.e., he is somewhat organized and capable of jumping through vague bureaucratic hoops without clear results) and he fits the expected demographic a little better. We both hoped that if he went through the process first, then he could coach me through the same process after getting medicated, but I was utterly demoralized when I witnessed firsthand how the extreme the effort was that he had to go through — and how much effort he continues to have to go through just to stay medicated even with a prescription in hand. And to be honest, the medication has had a lot of side effects for him, so they've been switching it up and seeing if they can find something better, and it's just been a mess. So at this point, I have given up and have no plans now to try again.
It's not that I'm incapable of jumping through hoops. I immigrated to a foreign country for goodness sake! But when I went through the visa and citizenship process, there was a light at the end of the tunnel: I knew that eventually I would be done with it and could go back to living normally again. And I had tons of people helping me and cheering for me (including highly experienced professionals who'd seen hundreds of cases like mine and knew exactly what path to advise me down).
Also, while immigrating took way, way, way more time and paperwork than an ADHD diagnosis does, it hits differently when you know what you need to do: I had inch-thick applications detailing step-by-step exactly what information I needed to provide, what foreign documents and background checks I needed to rustle up, what kinds of test questions I needed to study for, what due dates I needed to meet, etc. And the bureaucratic stuff that I'm worst at (namely scheduling appointments) was simply done for me; all I needed to do was show up when and where they told me for interviews and medical exams — disruptive, yes, but not fundamentally adverse to the way my brain works. Immigration was basically designed for hyperfocusing types like me.
Can confirm as an immigrant with ADHD that while there was a lot more to do for immigration, it was set up in a way that made it much easier to get done than getting my ADHD diagnosis. The urgency...
Can confirm as an immigrant with ADHD that while there was a lot more to do for immigration, it was set up in a way that made it much easier to get done than getting my ADHD diagnosis. The urgency factor helped too.
So much of your experience mirrors my own, but this bit more than anything else: That is absolutely, 100% me. Give me a list of things to do and I can do them, no problem, especially if there's a...
So much of your experience mirrors my own, but this bit more than anything else:
I had inch-thick applications detailing step-by-step exactly what information I needed...And the bureaucratic stuff that I'm worst at (namely scheduling appointments) was simply done for me; all I needed to do was show up when and where they told me for interviews and medical exams — disruptive, yes, but not fundamentally adverse to the way my brain works. Immigration was basically designed for hyperfocusing types like me.
That is absolutely, 100% me. Give me a list of things to do and I can do them, no problem, especially if there's a specific order in which they need to be done. I can follow a recipe like a champ. I am fantastic at following procedures! If one of the steps is kind of vague, or if someone tells me I can't do step 3 and they don't give me some alternative way to reach step 4, then I'm in big trouble. And scheduling appointments! Why is it so hard?? If I couldn't get any other help for any mental health or neurodivergence issue except for all of a sudden being great at scheduling appointments, it would change my entire life.
My husband actually has a telehealth appointment today to hopefully get prescribed the medication that he already knows he needs. He got his first diagnosis almost 20 years ago, and he's had to be rediagnosed twice since then. The longest uninterrupted stretch that he had consistent access to adderall within that time was maybe a full year. For most of this time he's had no access at all, and when he did have access, it was frequently not available or they would refuse to dispense it to him for one reason or another.
I think I'm a little bit afraid that I'll find something that will work for me that well and then not be able to get it. Like a Flowers for Algernon situation, I'll get an idea of what it's like to function normally and then not be able to hold on to it. The idea of actually getting a diagnosis and a prescription feels so unrealistic, though, that it's like thinking about the drawbacks of winning the lottery.
Yeah, I didn't get diagnosed until my 40's myself. Turns out being smart and able to mask made the doctors not care, even though it cost me tremendously in my personal life. (I'm male, but wasn't...
Yeah, I didn't get diagnosed until my 40's myself. Turns out being smart and able to mask made the doctors not care, even though it cost me tremendously in my personal life.
(I'm male, but wasn't hyperactive, I have the daydreamer-type, so since I wasn't disruptive, got no attention.)
It's frustrating, and I still find myself lamenting what might have been at times. Still glad I know now, though.
Very happy you finally got the validation, I was just lucky enough to still have been seeing my pediatrician in college (I had younger siblings and it was just easier) which probably helped....
Very happy you finally got the validation, I was just lucky enough to still have been seeing my pediatrician in college (I had younger siblings and it was just easier) which probably helped. Still, I didn't get Adderall until much later and it made such a difference
You know, thinking about what you said about your dad made me think of my mom. I am 1000% certain that had she been born in a different time, she would have been diagnosed with ADHD, and gotten...
You know, thinking about what you said about your dad made me think of my mom. I am 1000% certain that had she been born in a different time, she would have been diagnosed with ADHD, and gotten the help she needed. She was a brilliant, compassionate, creative and all around amazing woman, and her life was much harder than it should have been. I am so grateful that she taught me the survival skills that I really needed as a kid with a very ADHD brain. It pains me what she went through to learn them.
We're learning a lot about the genetics of neurodivergence and man it's led to so many parents of autistic kids being like "that's normal everyone does that...... oh." My dad was an engineer and...
We're learning a lot about the genetics of neurodivergence and man it's led to so many parents of autistic kids being like "that's normal everyone does that...... oh."
My dad was an engineer and definitely was very particular about some things but my car looks like his, full of wrappers and just stuff that I might need or needed once and never cleaned out.
Which reminds me that I'm going on a trip and should clean it out.
The fact that other folks wear different heights of socks willy nilly is just absolutely mind blowing to me.
Thanks for sharing this. My daughter was diagnosed in her junior year of high school. As a non-add parent who is the education assistance parent, do you have any suggestions for how best to help...
Thanks for sharing this. My daughter was diagnosed in her junior year of high school. As a non-add parent who is the education assistance parent, do you have any suggestions for how best to help her? Perhaps resources that would have helped you? I’m trying to be a good dad when it comes to this but a huge part is admitting I don’t know exactly what to do. Thanks!
Hey for sure! It's an older book now but I really liked this book You Mean I'm Not Lazy Stupid or Crazy and while it's directed to Adults with ADHD it might be helpful for you to contextualize...
Hey for sure! It's an older book now but I really liked this book You Mean I'm Not Lazy Stupid or Crazy and while it's directed to Adults with ADHD it might be helpful for you to contextualize some things.
For a lot of neurodivergent teens you end up having to "hack" life a bit - find workarounds that make getting homework done doable, helping you get up out of the couch paralysis or even finding a way to brush your teeth regularly. I find good luck from self-care apps like Finch, and small tricks - counting down from 3, 2, 1 Stand UP, or chucking a kitchen timer across the room.
Other things like - do the clothes really need to go in the drawers? is clean and in the baskets fine? When things get moved on us, we can't find them anymore, but if they're in a drawer they're gone forever (there's a real lack of object permanence issue sometimes). Having things like Loop earplugs can be helpful for some folks, but noise-canceling headphones/earbuds can do some of the same work. There's often not one answer, and there are some ADHD life coaches out there - it's a your mileage may vary situation for sure. There's no real licensing requirements and you're not getting the guarantee of education that you get from a clinical counselor.
Listen to her and give her space to explain what she's struggling with and then help her brainstorm solutions. It's hard with teens because sometimes they don't wanna hear it regardless
I am one of those people. I know there is a lot of judgement around ADHD, because I myself judged everything around it. It's just laziness, you're not motivated enough, you don't sleep well...
I am one of those people.
I know there is a lot of judgement around ADHD, because I myself judged everything around it. It's just laziness, you're not motivated enough, you don't sleep well enough, you don't eat good enough, you never take the right decisions. Look, I'm in my thirties now and I've had the same problem ALL my adult life. I've "tried" a lot of small fixes and they never really stuck. Even living alone all these years, I never really went further into analysing myself.
Still, do you guys realize how much of a hurdle everything is? I left my parents when I was 18 and essentially lived alone since then (I had 2 gfs in that time but never lived together). How am I supposed to know I had a problem? What is the problem? What is the root cause? Can I fix the symptoms? Can I fix the problem? The biggest issue is information!
How do you know you have a problem when the only descriptors you use to compare yourself to others is motivation, laziness, action? It's all so fucking vague. Unless you know how to describe your problems, you'll never know how to fix yourself. All I knew about ADHD was that is was for hyperactive children. How am I supposed to know it still affects adults? Unless someone teaches me or I stumble upon it, I would never know. I could have been in the dark my whole life.
It took years of mindless browsing on reddit/youtube to sometimes catch glimpses of information. This year, I finally had all the puzzles (after 15+ years) to recreate it all. I took an appointment with a physician in october, she gave me a survey and everything clicked. My life has COMPLETELY changed since then.
You know what sucks about that? If I had had good parents or a good physician that really cared, they could have identified symptoms early on and perhaps my whole life would have been different. Or, if my friends had known about it and asked more questions, I could have gone to a physician earlier.
It's sad that there are potentially millions of people in my situation right now, but they don't know about their diagnosis and how the hell could they know? The gap between status quo and getting fixed is simply enormous. Knowing your problem, identifying the problem, getting a doctor appointment, accurately describing the problems to your doctor, your doctor accurately identifying your problem and without judgement and finally getting fixed? It took me decades to get there. I'm glad I'm "fixed" now, but seeing the path behind me, I can easily see how millions of people just don't have the time, resources, knowledge or even the ability to "fix" themselves.
This was me last year, in my mid 30s. In short, I did well in school but struggled with lots of executive functioning skills. I thought I maybe had ADHD, but that was usually blown off by people...
This was me last year, in my mid 30s. In short, I did well in school but struggled with lots of executive functioning skills. I thought I maybe had ADHD, but that was usually blown off by people in my life: "everybody feels that way." Except it kept me from functioning and doing my work. Taking Rx has been really helpful in feeling like I can function, though it's not a total panacea. I too wonder how my life or others' would have turned out differently with a diagnosis much earlier on.
Oh my, I've told all my friends about the diagnosis and seeing their reaction just reaffirms the ADHD. "Oh, everyone is a little ADHD", or "Oh, sometimes I don't want to do my chores too". No, I...
Oh my, I've told all my friends about the diagnosis and seeing their reaction just reaffirms the ADHD. "Oh, everyone is a little ADHD", or "Oh, sometimes I don't want to do my chores too". No, I don't think you understand and know how debilitating it is. I was able to mask it all my life, but I'm with you there, it literally kept me from functioning and doing my work too. It goes way beyond just being "lazy". I was unable to plan anything, unable to organize anything, unable to finish projects, unable to actively work towards something long term. It's terrible. Or was terrible, I'm really getting better.
It’s pretty amazing how differently people react based on if they themselves are neurodivergent. Neurotypical people give the exact reactions you mention: downplay our issues and try to include...
It’s pretty amazing how differently people react based on if they themselves are neurodivergent. Neurotypical people give the exact reactions you mention: downplay our issues and try to include themselves. But if you tell a neurodivergent friend, even if they don’t have a diagnosis themselves, the reaction is usually “yeah, that makes sense”.
Since my diagnosis, I found out or decided that basically everyone I now consider a friend is neurodivergent. That includes friends I made before my diagnosis.
I'm in a similar boat. My parents are very supportive, and they knew something was up from early childhood, so they got psychologists and psychiatrists involved very early. Signs pointed to me...
I'm in a similar boat. My parents are very supportive, and they knew something was up from early childhood, so they got psychologists and psychiatrists involved very early. Signs pointed to me being a "gifted" child which seemed to explain my situation, so that's where everyone involved stopped looking further, and things were seemingly fine... right up until I crashed down hard around the time of the COVID-19 pandemic and dropped out of engineering school (and while I had ongoing issues with accumulating failed classes which was definitely a factor in said breakdown, it wasn't anything that was irrecoverable and my school was actively helping me to catch up). I then spent a couple year in limbo, unable to put myself back together nor figure out why I couldn't until I finally discovered the reason I was in that state was untreated ADHD. After confirming with a psychiatrist that was what happened and getting a treatment for it, that is when things finally started getting better. My direct family knows damn well how much this is affecting me, but outside of that reactions along the lines of:
Oh, everyone is a little ADHD
are frustratingly common. And what's frustrating is that this is true... in a way that is so completely useless it actually harms understanding of what ADHD (and other disorders for which this kind of platitude is technically true) is for those who aren't subjected to it. And if I do try to clear it up... well, you might have noticed the length of this comment. I'm not the best at concisely explaining something complex, to say the least.
Yes, most people occasionally gets restless, lose track of time while immersed in something, or lose concentration because something else caught their attention, so if you tell someone about ADHD this is what's going to come up to their mind since they can relate to that. None of these issues are unique to ADHD. What characterizes the disorder is the frequency and severity, to the point of impairing daily life. Someone who is neurotypical can probably recall either of the three happening in recent-ish memory. I ran into all three while writing this very comment, and that's with my treatment helping me. If I didn't have that, I probably would still be in bed right now, 15:30 local time, unable to muster the energy to even get up which would also have resulted in me missing an appointment I had this morning. Even with the treatment, I still got up ~45 minutes after I should have and had to scramble to not be late to said appointment.
The appointment in question didn't require any preparation besides be there and listen then ask questions if needed, had no particular dress code, was near enough that just walking there would have been sensible and the reason I didn't do that was because a bus line could reliably take me there faster and I don't even need to buy a ticket because I already had digital ones I can use by just just scanning a QR code with my phone once inside the bus. This is a very basic task that is part of the bare minimum I'm expected to be able to do to function in society. Someone who doesn't suffer from ADHD (or anything that causes executive dysfunction in general, because ADHD sure as hell isn't the only member of that particular club) wouldn't have had any issues with it. To me, it was a struggle which I almost failed. Everything else is just as difficult, no matter how basic. And it used to be even worse. How bad, you may ask?
Before my treatment helped me finally get it under control, it got chaotic enough that I was at the same time too restless to sleep due to my runaway train of thoughts... and too tired to be able to concentrate on calming down enough to rest. I spent entire days stuck to my bed, awake but not getting up, because I was too tired to sleep. Obviously at some point the exhaustion did catch up and I did finally fall asleep, but this also resulted in my sleep schedule best being described by this tumblr post, and the ensuing sleep deprivation was damaging enough to my mental health that it also got in the way of narrowing down the root cause of the issue. To me and my current psychiatrist, it is obvious in hindsight that it was the untreated ADHD that started this spiral to hell, and even at the time I had my suspicions, but consider the following: a patient who already had previous issues with depressive episodes from childhood comes to you after dropping out of school following a mental breakdown (despite up until then having a better than average academic track record and being "gifted"), and is now telling you they feel emotionally drained and constantly tired to the point of being unable to get up from their bed. The academic stress could have caused a burn-out, but that wouldn't explain why it's getting worse. Are you looking at ADHD... or depression? I definitely don't blame my psychiatrist for concluding it looked more like the latter at the time, and I deferred to her decision despite my doubts.
It's only after a round of mostly ineffective treatment for depression (coupled with hypnotics which at least helped hammering my sleep schedule back into something resembling normalcy and recovering from sleep deprivation), giving up after seeing no real improvement beyond "I can sleep again now", and seeking a second opinion that we finally figured out that my condition does fit ADHD, that being "gifted" compensated for what would otherwise have been much more visible signs during childhood, and it got further obscured when I consulted the previous psychiatrist by the unfortunate timing of my mental breakdown right at the beginning of the pandemic followed by the effects of sleep deprivation having a lot in common with depressive symptoms.
Occasionally being inattentive or hyperactive happens to everyone. Having to structure your whole life around mitigating your ability to do literally anything getting obstructed by one and/or the other very much doesn't, and that is what ADHD does.
...It also apparently makes you ramble endlessly, given that when I initially wrote the part where I mentioned the local time, it was noon, not 15:30. Or that might just be me, given that I know people with ADHD who would sooner walk through a microwave hallway than write more than a couple sentences at a time.
I was the same way, though I didn't even function well in the hyper-structured school setting, and completely fell apart in college. Then I managed to work well through work, when I had 4-day work...
I was the same way, though I didn't even function well in the hyper-structured school setting, and completely fell apart in college. Then I managed to work well through work, when I had 4-day work weeks and a work structure that allowed me to have mental breaks as needed to collect myself. I fell apart again during Covid working for a prestigious university, in a rigidly loose work situation. Even my therapist didn't think I had ADHD when I was younger, because I was keeping it together through my 4-day job, but barely. I struggled so much to just do work, and after that, my brain just went all over the place.
When I got a new psychiatrist during covid, I asked again about ADHD, and we went through the symptoms I experienced, and she immediately sent me to testing, I got an appointment the next week. They gave me the stupidly long questionnaire, I got frustrated having to fill it all out. Then they put me in a room with a computer, and it asked me to focus on something and press buttons, it got so frustrating trying to get it right that I started swearing at the computer and eventually gave up and started staring at a squirrel outside the window. The psychiatrist called me the next day and congratulated me on my combination ADHD.
Like you, once I was on medication, I felt like it was a huge change and I wondered how I got through my days before medication... and so did everyone else around me. I grieved for the person I could have been had I been diagnosed and medicated earlier in life (though, of course, ADHD was only for boys, even in the 90s and early 2000s). I was a nursing student when I started college, then I got bored and switched to pre-med. Then I burnt out hard, and barely graduated in 7 years with a Bio degree with an Ed minor. If I had better grades in school, would I have gone to a better school, would I have avoided some of the abuse I had to endure from family, would I have been able to understand that I wasn't being shunned when my dance group was having get-togethers, and everything was "open invite" that I didn't need to be expressly invited to things, would I have been less sensitive? Less "weird"? Would I have been less anxious? Would I have avoided injuries that later led to fibromyalgia and disability?
I'm happy with my family now, and I know I wouldn't have it if I were diagnosed earlier.
I am one of these people that is pretty confident I have adhd. When I was a kid, girls were not often diagnosed and I was considered 'gifted' in school but not organized.
I am one of these people that is pretty confident I have adhd. When I was a kid, girls were not often diagnosed and I was considered 'gifted' in school but not organized.
Yeah, I put in the effort over a year ago to try and get a diagnosis (I suspect that I have the sort of ASD that used to be called Asperger's along with ADHD), had to wait months for the test,...
Yeah, I put in the effort over a year ago to try and get a diagnosis (I suspect that I have the sort of ASD that used to be called Asperger's along with ADHD), had to wait months for the test, paid $1,500 out of pocket for it, was told I made too much eye contact and had friends so I couldn't be on the spectrum before I even took the assessment. After the hours-long assessment I again waited months for the results, having to remember to reach out multiple times to get an answer. In the end - nah, I don't have ADHD, I did too well on their logic puzzles. Must be an emotional regulation issue. Still kinda salty about it, but they are the only place around here that are recommended for testing and I just can't bear to start the process over again.
I'm not sure where you are, but my therapist recommended I check out Dr. Amen's clinics as they focus more on the clinical presentation of symptoms - i.e. where in your brain are things firing -...
I'm not sure where you are, but my therapist recommended I check out Dr. Amen's clinics as they focus more on the clinical presentation of symptoms - i.e. where in your brain are things firing - rather than subjective tests. I was deemed not to have ADHD from my first assessment given to me during the start of a 3 month intensive couples counseling thing my partner and I were doing at the time. The therapist deemed I didn't have it. Then she spent time with me twice a week for 3 months and at the end of that period request that we run through the sheet together. What she had seen and experienced during our sessions led her to believe that I likely had ADHD. She read me the questions and I responded almost identically to how I had the first time, but this time after I gave my answer she asked me to explain my reasoning and then reframed the question. In almost every case I ended up changing my answer when she reframed it. Usually the folks I was comparing myself to were not "average" people and I was minimizing the effects of ADHD with coping.
I'm not slowing going through the process of getting a diagnosis from my GP so I can go see a specialist and then learn about strategies and potential medication. If that doesn't work I think I might pony up and pay for an Amen clinic out of pocket.
It's all super frustrating and subjective. Good luck with your next steps!
To throw a slightly different view at this, I feel like our current understanding of such diagnoses will be looked at as something akin to the dark ages medicine. I question how many people have...
To throw a slightly different view at this, I feel like our current understanding of such diagnoses will be looked at as something akin to the dark ages medicine.
I question how many people have ADHD, or if ADHD is really even a valid diagnosis. That's not to say that people aren't getting help from the various medications and methods being used.
I just feel its somewhat akin to caffeine in society where it can be such a game changer for human brain chemistry and I wouldn't be shocked if it turns out person A and person B were both helped by being diagnosed ADHD, but really had wildly different reasons for that being the case.
Mid 30s here, got diagnosed last year. I had been "tested" a few times as a kid and teenager but they always said I did well in school. So it couldn't be that. I worked on habits to help myself...
Mid 30s here, got diagnosed last year. I had been "tested" a few times as a kid and teenager but they always said I did well in school. So it couldn't be that.
I worked on habits to help myself through work and school over the years but it was never enough. I saw a YouTube video last year about adhd and realized that most of the things it described were my every day issues. I went to a therapist for a while and we decided to try low doses of Adderall. It has been such a game changer. Such a small amount has been a huge improvement for me, and I feel so much better. I still work on small improvements for myself outside of this, changing habits and such, but it makes life so much easier.
Random question: Let's say, for no particular reason, you're an adult who recently graduated from college, and are interested in trying to get an ADHD diagnosis. As in, you think you might "have...
Random question:
Let's say, for no particular reason, you're an adult who recently graduated from college, and are interested in trying to get an ADHD diagnosis. As in, you think you might "have it", but you're not sure, and guess you ought to be tested or something.
How do you actually do that? Who do you talk to? What if you're in a brand new area with no doctors that you've been to before? Do you just go to a random doctor's office, have them give you a referral to a therapist or something, and then get tested? What if the tests say you don't "have it", but you disagree?
Bonus question: what if you don't have health insurance?
This makes sense. Even 20 years ago it took me until my senior year of college to get diagnosed, because I had good grades (unless I got behind on homework) and tested very well, and wasn't hyperactive. Oh and wasn't a boy
If my dad were alive he'd probably be diagnosed nowadays too
I have been referred to by friends with ADHD as "the most ADHD-coded person they've ever met", but I usually function pretty well in most of the avenues that are important to capitalism.
I'll probably never get a diagnosis because it seems like that's a huge hurdle for even a neurotypical person to climb those hurdles, and stuff like doctors appointments is exactly where I do not function well at all.
It can be challenging depending on your doc but if you get a good one it can be life-changing—I was in the exact same boat, I could pull it off so no one was worried, but decades of doing what it takes to "pull it off" against the current like that makes you tired. ADHD dx was prob the best thing that's ever happened to me.
I do frequently feel way more exhausted than I should when I am doing absolutely nothing. Watching how much work it took my husband to get rediagnosed even though he had a diagnosis as a kid was so daunting, I don't think I can get it together to start from scratch for myself.
Oh it's absolutely a huge hurdle. I do well in the sort of crisis/case management work that I do. Documentation of what I did.... Less great at that naturally. But the medication has very much been worth it for me. Interestingly I now register to people as incredibly ADHD coded even though 25 years ago professionals didn't clock me.
Formal diagnosis is such a judgement call and so much harder/expensive as an adult without a history of treatment.
Same. I have family members in that circle, and I'm not super interested in joining that circle because I had some post college years of trying to worship at the temple of productivity and just really hating to bend myself in that way and being dependent on a chemical to think "properly." 100% my bias, and maybe that will change in the future depending on how this job situation goes and if I'm going back to school full-time.
When it comes to your own life and decisions, do whatever you think is best for you, but I do want to push back on this idea that taking medication for ADHD is "bending yourself" to "worship at the temple of productivity". ADHD medication isn't just some productivity booster, it can improve and stabilize issues that interfere with your ability to live a comfortable life even if work and productivity aren't involved. Without my meds, I spend huge swaths of time napping and can have difficulty focusing on things I enjoy doing. The perception that ADHD medication is just a work aid is pervasive, but it doesn't really reflect the reality of living with ADHD for many people.
As for being "dependent on a chemical," that's just not how I like to frame it. When someone has pain or difficulty walking and a mobility aid like a cane or rollator helps them, it's not a problem that they're "dependent" on that aid -- that aid is often the key to a lot more freedom and independence, rather than being something they're constrained by. I feel the same way about my ADHD medication.
I won’t try to influence you to change your mind, I’ll just pass on this anecdote of my partner getting diagnosed and medicated — she said it doesn’t directly make her more productive and in fact she hates that kind of framing, but on the second lowest dose of the slow-acting one, she says she spends a lot less time in the day being frustrated at her own brain, and she enjoys that she can focus on the things she loves for a lot longer than before the diagnosis.
I think of it as helping you adjust to the world that doesn't fit with your needs. Sometimes you can move the world around to fit you better but been you can't, the meds help you adjust to that external disconnect. Meds are adaptive technology and accessibility accommodations in one.
I was wondering about it - is it possible to adjust environment so that an ADHD person can wonderfully fit in, as a casual part of society? In way is to adjust that person's brain by meds, but is it possible to do it other way? Is there any profession or activity that ADHD person will feel normal doing it and still contribute to the society?
If someone had the symptoms of ADHD but was experiencing no distress you wouldn't typically diagnose them* - because of how our models of mental health work, it's only a problem if you're having that issues functioning, or it's making you miserable, etc.
But yes plenty of ADHD people have found work and a lifestyle that suits them without medication. In our current society that usually requires a lot of work, luck, or creativity. Most people don't get all of it. The crisis management aspect of my job was perfect for my ADHD, but the admin side less so. My relationship helped compensate a lot for my ADHD but now my partner is paraplegic and his ability to accomplish things is also impaired.
There's a classic ADHD book about being a Hunter in a Farmer's World that suggests that hunters with this neurotype in a hunter gatherer society would have been more successful and an asset to their community. This is useful to me more as a thought experiment than science, there's not a lot of hard research to back that up but there's some research that the ADHD genes are more prevalent in nomadic tribes and are currently being negatively selected for and decreasing over the past 35k years. Which would suggest that maybe "neurotypical" is the new gene on the block actually. People with ADHD are typically capable (whether intentional or not) of pushing their physical needs to the side to accomplish a task. Currently I've been up since about 3am, because my brain has decided I'm awake now. This will be a problem later but I might as well think now that I'm up.
But I think the idea of feeling "normal" is misleading. I typically feel "normal" because my neurotype is normal for me. I'm also in an environment that doesn't tell me I'm abnormal all the time. ADHD impacts home and work (and school and social life, etc) so it requires either being raised in an environment that fully is adapted to you and carrying that socialization into your adulthood, or reordering your life in the face of the struggles you're having. Most of us are in that latter bucket and it can be hard. Even feeling normal, my meds make my day to day easier.
In general society can absolutely be made more accessible for people with many adaptive needs. We just tend not to because we dismiss people with disabilities, including disabilities that are mostly disabling because of society's current structure.
*This isn't hard and fast but it is as written unless recent DSM updates have changed it, but it's how I was taught.
Here is a direct quote from the DSM 5. For others reading, the DSM describes the symptoms and diagnostic criteria for everything we consider an “official” mental health disorder. The 5th edition is the latest version.
So yeah, it’s still in there as a required aspect of the diagnosis. I hope it will be modified or removed in a future revision, but I doubt it will.
The DSM isn’t perfect at describing every aspect of every condition, but it’s the standard used in psychology. It is intended to be descriptive of the current science, but it is often used prescriptively. Different psychologists will adhere to the DSM requirements differently, which can cause issues with people who have nonstandard presentations of disorders. For ADHD, women often present in ways that are not described by the DSM. They may have to search for psychiatrists willing to flex and modify the DSM requirements.
I haven't kept up with the 5-TR so I didn't want to speak definitively, thanks.
There's some sense to it - someone who speaks with spirits, say as a religious practice and has no negative outcomes or distress from that doesn't necessarily need a diagnosis or treatment.
But our world works on only getting accommodations with documentation and thus diagnosis and it's a mess.
I am 37 and I regret I did not start taking it earlier than after my 35. I would have done many things differently.
Oh, I would actually love to, I just think it's beyond my capabilities. I can barely make a doctor's appointment. Making multiple appointments for the same issue? Following up? Before I get any kind of help? Not gonna happen. I'm in a country that's new to me so just figuring out who I should call (or should I make an appointment online?) if I had the wherewithal to make an appointment is something that I've started trying to do but have never actually done several times.
More power to ya if you just aren't into it, though.
As you've posted elsewhere where you live, I can point you towards 1177 and their page on ADHD (google translate seems to work fine on the page). It should be OK to call 1177 and ask for advice on how to proceed, but I've not done it myself and I don't know if your immigration status somehow affects this.
Thank you for looking that up, it is incredibly kind of you. I called 1177 about my anxiety a few months back, which is a much bigger hurdle for me, and they told me to call vårdcentral. I did, and I don't remember how it turned out exactly, but I didn't get what I wanted or pointed towards an obvious next step, which is basically my kryptonite.
I know the sensible thing to do is "call one or both of those places again" or "maybe try to actually keep track of what they told you so you at least know what went wrong" and yes, I agree, those are definitely things that I should do. I intend to do them! Eventually.
I relate to much of what you write, all the way up to and including the "I'll get around to it eventually", so I hope for the best for you!
Adding on to this, I have combination type ADHD - I'm internally hyper, and externally, very spacey.
Being internally hyper means that my brain won't shut up. The first time I took Adderall, my brain was quiet, and I was able to experience clear thoughts for the first time, instead of several different trains of thought at the same time going in circles. I'm not taking the medication to alter my life to fit into society, I'm taking it to calm the thoughts inside my head, so I don't burn out by noon.
Does it have the benefit of helping me feel like less of an outcast? Sure, but it also really helps me be able to do things I like to do, without being so overwhelmed with the idea of starting something that I just never do any of my hobbies, just collect them. When I take Adderall, I'm able to actually follow a sewing, knitting, embroidery pattern, I'm able to follow a recipe and clean up the sink. I'm able to sit and work on just one art piece until I want to take a break, instead of unlocking my iPad and staring at a blank canvas on procreate or affinity and crying because I feel too paralyzed with ideas to just start.
Just something to think about, though I understand medication isn't for everyone, and there are so many other non-chemical ways to handle ADHD. They just don't work for everyone, and for some, Adderall is a last resort (it's me, I'm some).
I'm in a similar boat.
My entire immediate family and I all very obviously have ADHD, but my sister is the only one amongst us who ever displayed the "classic" symptoms (hyperactive, unable to do homework, etc.) — but even she went undiagnosed until she was much older because people just didn't think girls could have ADHD. I am the severe hyperfocusing type (and female to boot), so there was certainly no hope for me to get diagnosed when I was still young.
Over the last 6 or 7 years, I've made several aborted tempts to seek diagnosis, but 4 of the 5 or so doctors I've seen did not take it seriously (on the basis of my gender, my age, and my lack of hyperactivity). The one doctor who did take it seriously was one who specializes in ADHD in particular and knew what the full array of symptoms and sufferers can look like, but she was not able to find me any help because resources were stretched too thin at that time (after the pandemic eased up).
Meanwhile, my partner managed to get diagnosed a couple of years ago, much more easily than I did because he has far milder symptoms than me (i.e., he is somewhat organized and capable of jumping through vague bureaucratic hoops without clear results) and he fits the expected demographic a little better. We both hoped that if he went through the process first, then he could coach me through the same process after getting medicated, but I was utterly demoralized when I witnessed firsthand how the extreme the effort was that he had to go through — and how much effort he continues to have to go through just to stay medicated even with a prescription in hand. And to be honest, the medication has had a lot of side effects for him, so they've been switching it up and seeing if they can find something better, and it's just been a mess. So at this point, I have given up and have no plans now to try again.
It's not that I'm incapable of jumping through hoops. I immigrated to a foreign country for goodness sake! But when I went through the visa and citizenship process, there was a light at the end of the tunnel: I knew that eventually I would be done with it and could go back to living normally again. And I had tons of people helping me and cheering for me (including highly experienced professionals who'd seen hundreds of cases like mine and knew exactly what path to advise me down).
Also, while immigrating took way, way, way more time and paperwork than an ADHD diagnosis does, it hits differently when you know what you need to do: I had inch-thick applications detailing step-by-step exactly what information I needed to provide, what foreign documents and background checks I needed to rustle up, what kinds of test questions I needed to study for, what due dates I needed to meet, etc. And the bureaucratic stuff that I'm worst at (namely scheduling appointments) was simply done for me; all I needed to do was show up when and where they told me for interviews and medical exams — disruptive, yes, but not fundamentally adverse to the way my brain works. Immigration was basically designed for hyperfocusing types like me.
Can confirm as an immigrant with ADHD that while there was a lot more to do for immigration, it was set up in a way that made it much easier to get done than getting my ADHD diagnosis. The urgency factor helped too.
So much of your experience mirrors my own, but this bit more than anything else:
That is absolutely, 100% me. Give me a list of things to do and I can do them, no problem, especially if there's a specific order in which they need to be done. I can follow a recipe like a champ. I am fantastic at following procedures! If one of the steps is kind of vague, or if someone tells me I can't do step 3 and they don't give me some alternative way to reach step 4, then I'm in big trouble. And scheduling appointments! Why is it so hard?? If I couldn't get any other help for any mental health or neurodivergence issue except for all of a sudden being great at scheduling appointments, it would change my entire life.
My husband actually has a telehealth appointment today to hopefully get prescribed the medication that he already knows he needs. He got his first diagnosis almost 20 years ago, and he's had to be rediagnosed twice since then. The longest uninterrupted stretch that he had consistent access to adderall within that time was maybe a full year. For most of this time he's had no access at all, and when he did have access, it was frequently not available or they would refuse to dispense it to him for one reason or another.
I think I'm a little bit afraid that I'll find something that will work for me that well and then not be able to get it. Like a Flowers for Algernon situation, I'll get an idea of what it's like to function normally and then not be able to hold on to it. The idea of actually getting a diagnosis and a prescription feels so unrealistic, though, that it's like thinking about the drawbacks of winning the lottery.
Yeah, I didn't get diagnosed until my 40's myself. Turns out being smart and able to mask made the doctors not care, even though it cost me tremendously in my personal life.
(I'm male, but wasn't hyperactive, I have the daydreamer-type, so since I wasn't disruptive, got no attention.)
It's frustrating, and I still find myself lamenting what might have been at times. Still glad I know now, though.
Very happy you finally got the validation, I was just lucky enough to still have been seeing my pediatrician in college (I had younger siblings and it was just easier) which probably helped. Still, I didn't get Adderall until much later and it made such a difference
You know, thinking about what you said about your dad made me think of my mom. I am 1000% certain that had she been born in a different time, she would have been diagnosed with ADHD, and gotten the help she needed. She was a brilliant, compassionate, creative and all around amazing woman, and her life was much harder than it should have been. I am so grateful that she taught me the survival skills that I really needed as a kid with a very ADHD brain. It pains me what she went through to learn them.
We're learning a lot about the genetics of neurodivergence and man it's led to so many parents of autistic kids being like "that's normal everyone does that...... oh."
My dad was an engineer and definitely was very particular about some things but my car looks like his, full of wrappers and just stuff that I might need or needed once and never cleaned out.
Which reminds me that I'm going on a trip and should clean it out.
The fact that other folks wear different heights of socks willy nilly is just absolutely mind blowing to me.
Thanks for sharing this. My daughter was diagnosed in her junior year of high school. As a non-add parent who is the education assistance parent, do you have any suggestions for how best to help her? Perhaps resources that would have helped you? I’m trying to be a good dad when it comes to this but a huge part is admitting I don’t know exactly what to do. Thanks!
Hey for sure! It's an older book now but I really liked this book You Mean I'm Not Lazy Stupid or Crazy and while it's directed to Adults with ADHD it might be helpful for you to contextualize some things.
For a lot of neurodivergent teens you end up having to "hack" life a bit - find workarounds that make getting homework done doable, helping you get up out of the couch paralysis or even finding a way to brush your teeth regularly. I find good luck from self-care apps like Finch, and small tricks - counting down from 3, 2, 1 Stand UP, or chucking a kitchen timer across the room.
Other things like - do the clothes really need to go in the drawers? is clean and in the baskets fine? When things get moved on us, we can't find them anymore, but if they're in a drawer they're gone forever (there's a real lack of object permanence issue sometimes). Having things like Loop earplugs can be helpful for some folks, but noise-canceling headphones/earbuds can do some of the same work. There's often not one answer, and there are some ADHD life coaches out there - it's a your mileage may vary situation for sure. There's no real licensing requirements and you're not getting the guarantee of education that you get from a clinical counselor.
Listen to her and give her space to explain what she's struggling with and then help her brainstorm solutions. It's hard with teens because sometimes they don't wanna hear it regardless
I am one of those people.
I know there is a lot of judgement around ADHD, because I myself judged everything around it. It's just laziness, you're not motivated enough, you don't sleep well enough, you don't eat good enough, you never take the right decisions. Look, I'm in my thirties now and I've had the same problem ALL my adult life. I've "tried" a lot of small fixes and they never really stuck. Even living alone all these years, I never really went further into analysing myself.
Still, do you guys realize how much of a hurdle everything is? I left my parents when I was 18 and essentially lived alone since then (I had 2 gfs in that time but never lived together). How am I supposed to know I had a problem? What is the problem? What is the root cause? Can I fix the symptoms? Can I fix the problem? The biggest issue is information!
How do you know you have a problem when the only descriptors you use to compare yourself to others is motivation, laziness, action? It's all so fucking vague. Unless you know how to describe your problems, you'll never know how to fix yourself. All I knew about ADHD was that is was for hyperactive children. How am I supposed to know it still affects adults? Unless someone teaches me or I stumble upon it, I would never know. I could have been in the dark my whole life.
It took years of mindless browsing on reddit/youtube to sometimes catch glimpses of information. This year, I finally had all the puzzles (after 15+ years) to recreate it all. I took an appointment with a physician in october, she gave me a survey and everything clicked. My life has COMPLETELY changed since then.
You know what sucks about that? If I had had good parents or a good physician that really cared, they could have identified symptoms early on and perhaps my whole life would have been different. Or, if my friends had known about it and asked more questions, I could have gone to a physician earlier.
It's sad that there are potentially millions of people in my situation right now, but they don't know about their diagnosis and how the hell could they know? The gap between status quo and getting fixed is simply enormous. Knowing your problem, identifying the problem, getting a doctor appointment, accurately describing the problems to your doctor, your doctor accurately identifying your problem and without judgement and finally getting fixed? It took me decades to get there. I'm glad I'm "fixed" now, but seeing the path behind me, I can easily see how millions of people just don't have the time, resources, knowledge or even the ability to "fix" themselves.
This was me last year, in my mid 30s. In short, I did well in school but struggled with lots of executive functioning skills. I thought I maybe had ADHD, but that was usually blown off by people in my life: "everybody feels that way." Except it kept me from functioning and doing my work. Taking Rx has been really helpful in feeling like I can function, though it's not a total panacea. I too wonder how my life or others' would have turned out differently with a diagnosis much earlier on.
Oh my, I've told all my friends about the diagnosis and seeing their reaction just reaffirms the ADHD. "Oh, everyone is a little ADHD", or "Oh, sometimes I don't want to do my chores too". No, I don't think you understand and know how debilitating it is. I was able to mask it all my life, but I'm with you there, it literally kept me from functioning and doing my work too. It goes way beyond just being "lazy". I was unable to plan anything, unable to organize anything, unable to finish projects, unable to actively work towards something long term. It's terrible. Or was terrible, I'm really getting better.
It’s pretty amazing how differently people react based on if they themselves are neurodivergent. Neurotypical people give the exact reactions you mention: downplay our issues and try to include themselves. But if you tell a neurodivergent friend, even if they don’t have a diagnosis themselves, the reaction is usually “yeah, that makes sense”.
Since my diagnosis, I found out or decided that basically everyone I now consider a friend is neurodivergent. That includes friends I made before my diagnosis.
I'm in a similar boat. My parents are very supportive, and they knew something was up from early childhood, so they got psychologists and psychiatrists involved very early. Signs pointed to me being a "gifted" child which seemed to explain my situation, so that's where everyone involved stopped looking further, and things were seemingly fine... right up until I crashed down hard around the time of the COVID-19 pandemic and dropped out of engineering school (and while I had ongoing issues with accumulating failed classes which was definitely a factor in said breakdown, it wasn't anything that was irrecoverable and my school was actively helping me to catch up). I then spent a couple year in limbo, unable to put myself back together nor figure out why I couldn't until I finally discovered the reason I was in that state was untreated ADHD. After confirming with a psychiatrist that was what happened and getting a treatment for it, that is when things finally started getting better. My direct family knows damn well how much this is affecting me, but outside of that reactions along the lines of:
are frustratingly common. And what's frustrating is that this is true... in a way that is so completely useless it actually harms understanding of what ADHD (and other disorders for which this kind of platitude is technically true) is for those who aren't subjected to it. And if I do try to clear it up... well, you might have noticed the length of this comment. I'm not the best at concisely explaining something complex, to say the least.
Yes, most people occasionally gets restless, lose track of time while immersed in something, or lose concentration because something else caught their attention, so if you tell someone about ADHD this is what's going to come up to their mind since they can relate to that. None of these issues are unique to ADHD. What characterizes the disorder is the frequency and severity, to the point of impairing daily life. Someone who is neurotypical can probably recall either of the three happening in recent-ish memory. I ran into all three while writing this very comment, and that's with my treatment helping me. If I didn't have that, I probably would still be in bed right now, 15:30 local time, unable to muster the energy to even get up which would also have resulted in me missing an appointment I had this morning. Even with the treatment, I still got up ~45 minutes after I should have and had to scramble to not be late to said appointment.
The appointment in question didn't require any preparation besides be there and listen then ask questions if needed, had no particular dress code, was near enough that just walking there would have been sensible and the reason I didn't do that was because a bus line could reliably take me there faster and I don't even need to buy a ticket because I already had digital ones I can use by just just scanning a QR code with my phone once inside the bus. This is a very basic task that is part of the bare minimum I'm expected to be able to do to function in society. Someone who doesn't suffer from ADHD (or anything that causes executive dysfunction in general, because ADHD sure as hell isn't the only member of that particular club) wouldn't have had any issues with it. To me, it was a struggle which I almost failed. Everything else is just as difficult, no matter how basic. And it used to be even worse. How bad, you may ask?
Before my treatment helped me finally get it under control, it got chaotic enough that I was at the same time too restless to sleep due to my runaway train of thoughts... and too tired to be able to concentrate on calming down enough to rest. I spent entire days stuck to my bed, awake but not getting up, because I was too tired to sleep. Obviously at some point the exhaustion did catch up and I did finally fall asleep, but this also resulted in my sleep schedule best being described by this tumblr post, and the ensuing sleep deprivation was damaging enough to my mental health that it also got in the way of narrowing down the root cause of the issue. To me and my current psychiatrist, it is obvious in hindsight that it was the untreated ADHD that started this spiral to hell, and even at the time I had my suspicions, but consider the following: a patient who already had previous issues with depressive episodes from childhood comes to you after dropping out of school following a mental breakdown (despite up until then having a better than average academic track record and being "gifted"), and is now telling you they feel emotionally drained and constantly tired to the point of being unable to get up from their bed. The academic stress could have caused a burn-out, but that wouldn't explain why it's getting worse. Are you looking at ADHD... or depression? I definitely don't blame my psychiatrist for concluding it looked more like the latter at the time, and I deferred to her decision despite my doubts.
It's only after a round of mostly ineffective treatment for depression (coupled with hypnotics which at least helped hammering my sleep schedule back into something resembling normalcy and recovering from sleep deprivation), giving up after seeing no real improvement beyond "I can sleep again now", and seeking a second opinion that we finally figured out that my condition does fit ADHD, that being "gifted" compensated for what would otherwise have been much more visible signs during childhood, and it got further obscured when I consulted the previous psychiatrist by the unfortunate timing of my mental breakdown right at the beginning of the pandemic followed by the effects of sleep deprivation having a lot in common with depressive symptoms.
Occasionally being inattentive or hyperactive happens to everyone. Having to structure your whole life around mitigating your ability to do literally anything getting obstructed by one and/or the other very much doesn't, and that is what ADHD does.
...It also apparently makes you ramble endlessly, given that when I initially wrote the part where I mentioned the local time, it was noon, not 15:30. Or that might just be me, given that I know people with ADHD who would sooner walk through a microwave hallway than write more than a couple sentences at a time.
I was the same way, though I didn't even function well in the hyper-structured school setting, and completely fell apart in college. Then I managed to work well through work, when I had 4-day work weeks and a work structure that allowed me to have mental breaks as needed to collect myself. I fell apart again during Covid working for a prestigious university, in a rigidly loose work situation. Even my therapist didn't think I had ADHD when I was younger, because I was keeping it together through my 4-day job, but barely. I struggled so much to just do work, and after that, my brain just went all over the place.
When I got a new psychiatrist during covid, I asked again about ADHD, and we went through the symptoms I experienced, and she immediately sent me to testing, I got an appointment the next week. They gave me the stupidly long questionnaire, I got frustrated having to fill it all out. Then they put me in a room with a computer, and it asked me to focus on something and press buttons, it got so frustrating trying to get it right that I started swearing at the computer and eventually gave up and started staring at a squirrel outside the window. The psychiatrist called me the next day and congratulated me on my combination ADHD.
Like you, once I was on medication, I felt like it was a huge change and I wondered how I got through my days before medication... and so did everyone else around me. I grieved for the person I could have been had I been diagnosed and medicated earlier in life (though, of course, ADHD was only for boys, even in the 90s and early 2000s). I was a nursing student when I started college, then I got bored and switched to pre-med. Then I burnt out hard, and barely graduated in 7 years with a Bio degree with an Ed minor. If I had better grades in school, would I have gone to a better school, would I have avoided some of the abuse I had to endure from family, would I have been able to understand that I wasn't being shunned when my dance group was having get-togethers, and everything was "open invite" that I didn't need to be expressly invited to things, would I have been less sensitive? Less "weird"? Would I have been less anxious? Would I have avoided injuries that later led to fibromyalgia and disability?
I'm happy with my family now, and I know I wouldn't have it if I were diagnosed earlier.
I am one of these people that is pretty confident I have adhd. When I was a kid, girls were not often diagnosed and I was considered 'gifted' in school but not organized.
Yeah, I put in the effort over a year ago to try and get a diagnosis (I suspect that I have the sort of ASD that used to be called Asperger's along with ADHD), had to wait months for the test, paid $1,500 out of pocket for it, was told I made too much eye contact and had friends so I couldn't be on the spectrum before I even took the assessment. After the hours-long assessment I again waited months for the results, having to remember to reach out multiple times to get an answer. In the end - nah, I don't have ADHD, I did too well on their logic puzzles. Must be an emotional regulation issue. Still kinda salty about it, but they are the only place around here that are recommended for testing and I just can't bear to start the process over again.
I'm not sure where you are, but my therapist recommended I check out Dr. Amen's clinics as they focus more on the clinical presentation of symptoms - i.e. where in your brain are things firing - rather than subjective tests. I was deemed not to have ADHD from my first assessment given to me during the start of a 3 month intensive couples counseling thing my partner and I were doing at the time. The therapist deemed I didn't have it. Then she spent time with me twice a week for 3 months and at the end of that period request that we run through the sheet together. What she had seen and experienced during our sessions led her to believe that I likely had ADHD. She read me the questions and I responded almost identically to how I had the first time, but this time after I gave my answer she asked me to explain my reasoning and then reframed the question. In almost every case I ended up changing my answer when she reframed it. Usually the folks I was comparing myself to were not "average" people and I was minimizing the effects of ADHD with coping.
I'm not slowing going through the process of getting a diagnosis from my GP so I can go see a specialist and then learn about strategies and potential medication. If that doesn't work I think I might pony up and pay for an Amen clinic out of pocket.
It's all super frustrating and subjective. Good luck with your next steps!
Thanks! I've been in regular therapy since, doing ACT to see if that helps, but if I get up the nerve to try again I'll take them into account.
To throw a slightly different view at this, I feel like our current understanding of such diagnoses will be looked at as something akin to the dark ages medicine.
I question how many people have ADHD, or if ADHD is really even a valid diagnosis. That's not to say that people aren't getting help from the various medications and methods being used.
I just feel its somewhat akin to caffeine in society where it can be such a game changer for human brain chemistry and I wouldn't be shocked if it turns out person A and person B were both helped by being diagnosed ADHD, but really had wildly different reasons for that being the case.
Mid 30s here, got diagnosed last year. I had been "tested" a few times as a kid and teenager but they always said I did well in school. So it couldn't be that.
I worked on habits to help myself through work and school over the years but it was never enough. I saw a YouTube video last year about adhd and realized that most of the things it described were my every day issues. I went to a therapist for a while and we decided to try low doses of Adderall. It has been such a game changer. Such a small amount has been a huge improvement for me, and I feel so much better. I still work on small improvements for myself outside of this, changing habits and such, but it makes life so much easier.
Random question:
Let's say, for no particular reason, you're an adult who recently graduated from college, and are interested in trying to get an ADHD diagnosis. As in, you think you might "have it", but you're not sure, and guess you ought to be tested or something.
How do you actually do that? Who do you talk to? What if you're in a brand new area with no doctors that you've been to before? Do you just go to a random doctor's office, have them give you a referral to a therapist or something, and then get tested? What if the tests say you don't "have it", but you disagree?
Bonus question: what if you don't have health insurance?
Hypothetically, of course.
https://tildes.net/~health.mental/1k29/what_is_the_process_for_adult_adhd_diagnosis