Clothes shopping as a short & fat (trans) guy with narrow shoulders
Hey all! I'm trans masc, and this means my body isn't exactly at the top of the bell curve for men's fashion. I'm looking to dress more masculinely, especially as I recently had top surgery. I'm having trouble finding stuff that fits and I find constantly trying on clothes that don't fit pretty disheartening. I was hoping I could get some advice here!
I'd like to increase the number of jeans I own, but unfortunately I've got proportions that are hard to accommodate. I'm 5'4" and ~100kg, so this already necessitates looking outside the normal sizes, but I also have trouble where jeans that should fit around my waist won't fit over my hips/butt. This means that either I struggle to get jeans on, or I get jeans that are falling down to my ass even with a belt. Women's jeans are presumably engineered to avoid this problem since this is a normal proportion for women, but I would prefer to wear men's jeans for the thicker material, better pockets, and more masculine look. The only jeans I have currently that even approximately fit are some Levi's I bought when visiting my parents back in the States, but I live in Germany and those are expensive to get here, so I'm hoping for advice more generally on how to find suitable men's jeans or even specific recommendations for brands that are more accessible here in Europe.
Another problem I've had is in finding suitable coats and jackets due to my narrow shoulders. There are tons of men's jackets and coats that I'd love to add to my repertoire, but shoulders are nigh-impossible to even get tailored and there are rarely multiple options on that front, especially as someone with a gut. But there are cis men with narrow shoulders too so I wonder if there's existing advice out there on how to shop for coats as a fat guy with narrow shoulders.
"Husky" or "Relaxed" cut jeans are probably the style you want to look for. They typically have more accommodating hip, butt, and groin areas, but without lengthened inseams to match the larger waist size options. They don't assume just because you have a 40" waist you're 6'2" like a lot of the slimmer cut styles do. And almost every major brand should have them.
I can't really help you with the jacket and coat problem though, since I have the opposite issue, overly broad shoulder. However, peacoats are something you should maybe look into since they're typically made with a thicker material (felted wool) and have more structured/defined shoulders which would probably look good on you even with your narrower shoulders. And they're also typically double-breasted which tends to look good for those of us with guts and love handles. ;)
I've wanted to get a peacoat tbh, I like them aesthetically, though I supposed it's a bit out of season to go shopping for one now. It's encouraging to know that they'd potentially work for my body type.
Now is probably the best time to go shopping for them precisely because they're out of season, so you might be able to find some good clearance deals. :P
p.s. My peacoat also has a removable liner so I can still wear it in spring/fall, so they're not just a winter thing. Even with the liner removed it's definitely way too warm for summer though.
Luckily or unluckily, the weather here in April is changeable af, so it's sometimes still coat weather
People love to talk about all the ways that women's clothing sucks, but men's clothes really suck too. They're all built for this particular shape and if you don't match it then you'll have a bad time.
Jeans tend to be pretty easy because they mark what kind of cut they have, so it's easy to get something comfortable. Pants don't tend to be form-fitting so they can be even less of a problem. The hard part is matching your height but that's somewhat trivial to deal with because you can just buy them longer and then hem them. It's very easy to do.
Shirts are a whole other ballgame. You could go all around looking for things that fit properly, but for many reasons (stress being number one for me!), it's better if you can go to a tailor to get them to make or alter a shirt to fit you.
I bought a ton of button ups from a UK company called Gender-Free World, which did four different cuts of each size for different body shapes, but unfortunately they're going out of business as of recently so I'll have to look elsewhere. T-shirts are most of my everyday wear and luckily that's not so different, but everything else will need some hunting or alteration for sure.
Congratulations on your surgery. I get how disheartening it can be to shop for clothes that just don't fit your body. I'm sorry you haven't found a solution yet.
Have you checked C&A? I shop from them occasionally and I always found their sizes to be larger around the waist. Although I can't speak for their jeans, I don't even know if they have any as I don't like jeans, but their sweatpants are pretty roomy around the waist.
For coats and jackets, as someone who's also fat and have narrow shoulders, C&A's models fit me quite well. I suggest you check them out, if you haven't already. As far as I know, they're a German brand, so it should be easy for you given that you live there.
There's the tailor route too, but you mentioned that didn't work out for you. I don't know how many tailors you've tried, but tailors can be a stubborn bunch whose skill vary greatly between one another. I must have visited more than a dozen tailors who couldn't do what I wanted to do. I don't know if they couldn't be bothered with it or they just didn't have the ability to do so, but all I wanted was a couple of jackets and a few basic, plain shirts for which I'd provide the fabric. I ended up finding someone eventually and got them made just fine. (I then moved away from that city, so I'm not looking forward to the search when I'm in need of one again.)
Ah I'm familiar with C&A but I haven't checked much of their stuff beyond a pair of jeans of theirs that I still have hanging around because they sort of fit. I think I kinda lumped them in with H&M, with whom I've had middling to poor experiences finding stuff that fits in the men's section. But it's not hard to find a physical location for them around here so that's a good option to check out.
On the jeans front, I have been buying Lee relaxed fit and carpenter jeans for probably the last 20 years. I am 5'11" and in the 260lb range and they fit pretty well, although I do wear them low. I can get them in a 42" waist / 29" inseam. The carpenter jeans are definitely very casual but would read pretty masculine as well. The relaxed fit standard jeans are acceptable for anything where jeans are acceptable here in the US. I don't know what availability is like in the EU, so sorry if this is not helpful.
On the "gut" front and the fit of the jeans, there are basically people who wear them low, like I do, so that they are tight at my hips below the gut, and people who wear them high /on the gut. If you want the latter, I don't have much personal experience, but I understand suspenders are probably the right move. For wearing them low, I have a belt I wove out of paracord that is the most comfortable belt I own, but is also infinitely adjustable, so it's easier to get tight, especially as the jeans get more relaxed while wearing. I'd be happy to share my method, or there are belts that are basically a clamp on a nylon strap (rather than holes punched at regular intervals) that would probably serve the same purpose.
A style that works well for me is an undershirt (pocketless T shirt) worn tucked in with a collared button down shirt worn untucked. Not "business wear" button down, but the more rustic plaids and checked sports shirts from places like Orbis and Duluth Trading co, Lands End, etc. I'm always going to look "big" but the untucked shirt de–emphasizes my shape in a way that I find pleasing. I found this formula for myself, but I have seen advice columns give similar advice.
For good T-shirts with a long tail, I had used the Hanes Beefy T's in 2X for a while, but when I ordered them last year, they were not as long as they had been and wouldn't stay tucked in. I am currently wearing fruit of the loom, which are longer and a little lighter weight as well. The FotL shrink more, so I ended up with a 3X. Duluth Trading makes a "long tail T" but they are way more expensive than I was willing to go for daily wear.
I think I had some women's Lee relaxed fits that were comfy af in the past! Unfortunately when I was skinnier than I am now though lol... Not sure if they're a thing here either tbh.
My current best-fitting pair are Levi's 541 44/29 that fit pretty well, but they're a little tight on the widest part of my waist so doing a lower waist and getting them hemmed isn't a bad idea, I'll have to check it out!
In general thanks so much for this comment, lots of detailed info for me to work off of.
https://amzn.eu/d/e0KCbfL these look like them but they only go up to 42 :( That is the case on the US site as well.
As I was browsing the other Lee styles on Amazon.de, they seemed to be generally cut higher in the crotch and more fitted. So if that's the styling, I can see why it's hard to find a good fit.
Have you considered adding shoulder pads to the jackets? A tailor could put them in between the jacket and the lining, or you could sew them in yourself.
I'm aware that shoulder pads exist but I'm not really knowledgeable enough about how they would help me look better n a jacket that otherwise has too broad of shoulders -- I don't really have any experience with jackets with shoulder pads. I recall seeing people laugh kinda disparagingly at the shoulderpads in suit jackets from like the 80s, but that's about the extent of my knowledge about them. If they're a potential solution I'm definitely interested in looking into them, though.
That trend came out of a focus on exercise and people wanting to get the broad shoulder look. What people laugh at from the 80s were the extreme versions of hilariously oversized shoulders.
You won't get a men's jacket (specifically suit coats, sports coats, etc) at a reasonable price for someone with narrow shoulders, largely because the assumption is you will either have a tailor add shoulder pads or have them custom made. Any decent tailor will be able to add an appropriate shoulder pad to fill out a jacket and make it look "normal" for you.
My suggestion would be to find a jacket you like and is comfortable even if the shoulders are too big. Don't worry about being able to do up the front. Go to a reputable tailor. I don't have suggestions for Germany but I'm sure they exist and ask to have shoulder pads put in. They can also adjust the jacket to fit you better if you want, but that will cost more. If you want to adjust the jacket, going a little larger chest size can give them more to work with.
Good luck!
Both& is a clothing company made to be gender affirming for transmasc men. Their denim pants do a wonderful job of concealing wide curvey hips in short folks.
Kinda $$$ but I think they’re worth the price.
Came to recommend this too! Their basics honestly look GREAT. So many great color options, size options, etc. That said, you're very right about $$$ though.
I think I've heard that name mentioned in trans circles before, so it's worth checking them out.
I hope you like them!
Pants shopping can be so exhausting emotionally. The extra cost was so worth it to have a pair of jeans that...just do exactly what I wanted them to do.
If you happen to be 36” and willing to pay for shipping I’d be happy to send you some of mine that no longer fit me!
Aw that's sweet! Unfortunately it's been a little while since I was 36" though lol
Being trans is expensive. I'm transfemme and still building a wardrobe. I really get where you're coming from sparksbet. It's not even just the money, it's the disappointing results of it all. I'll buy something that should absolutely fit, get it delivered, it doesn't fit, so now I'm down that money until I can go through the hassle of returning it and getting a refund so it just really makes the process soooo slow. I bought a few wigs online and they have really strict return policies because of hygiene. Trans guys and gals are just such an under served demographic. It doesn't help that many of the trans specific clothing websites I've found just do not fit my style whatsoever. Like, it's absolutely my goal to present femme, it makes me feel better, but I'm also not going to wear a skirt just because it's a skirt and so forth.
As another user said, Both& looks really great. I've had them bookmarked forever so I can try some of their basics. I really feel like it could feel some holes in your closet and be what you're looking for, but it's priced pretty high. I realize ethically made clothing is going to be pricey, but trans people deserve affordable options like everyone else.
I love to shop & browse. I'll keep you on my mind if I find anything that fits your bill :)
Yeah shopping as a trans person is a pain, especially when you're not thin. My wife's transfemme and she's in the process of building out her wardrobe but it's such a process to find anything suitable. I'll definitely check out Both&, and def feel free to send me anything else if you encounter it! I really appreciate it.
I recommend that all guys visit a tailor. Very few people have a body designed for off-the-rack clothing. If you consult with a tailor, they will tell you what to look for and how they will alter your clothing to fit your body. An added bonus is that they will do things like gusset your jeans so that they last a lot longer.
Oh yeah I definitely figure some degree of tailoring is gonna be necessary -- at minimum shortening sleeves and legs and such. But I'd heard shoulders in particular are very hard if not impossible to get tailored, which makes hunting down coats and jackets harder even if I plan to later get them tailored.
Do you have Dressman in Germany? Here in Sweden that's where my husband gets most of his clothes, and they have some really nice jackets. He's got narrow shoulders and a gut, and they look good on him. I don't have any recommendations for pants, unfortunately.
I've actually got some jeans from Dressmann XL from when I was in Norway (my wife's Norwegian) nut I haven't tried any of their other clothes. I haven't seen them around here in Germany but I'll for sure check their jackets out again next time we go back to visit my wife's family. Their jeans are fine but the pair I bought have the fit problem I mentioned due to the waist/hips mismatch.
I hope you're able to find clothes that you feel comfortable in! Were there any stores that you noticed have locations in Norway and Germany? If so, they probably have them in Sweden, and I can scope them out for you if they're not too far away. I expect to be in Stockholm and Göteborg this summer so I don't mind looking around.
Oh gosh I've immediately forgotten every store I saw in Norway lol! I'll ask my wife tonight, since she's more likely to remember that side of things.
Have you tried any thrift stores? I'm located in the US, but both myself and my partner often have trouble finding well fitting clothes in department stores. Thrift stores aren't limited to the ~5-8 brands you'll see in one department store, so your odds may be better that you'll find something that fits. Only downside is if you find something you like but the size isn't right, you'll almost never find the same thing in a different size.
Bonus points because you're helping the environment.
I've visited some thrifty places here but haven't had luck with men's clothes in my size there, at least when it comes to pants and jackets -- the sizes available in thrift stores tends to follow the bell curve. Button ups and t-shirts are easier to find in a size that fits and I've found some of those thrifting though.
Have you considered jeans made to measure? There are some relatively cheap online options. Although the cheaper options may not be the most precise with their measurements, it's a hell of a lot better than anything off the rack if you have a body type that isn't represented in stores.
I honestly didn't know jeans made to measure was a thing! I'll look into whether there are any reasonably-priced options here in Germany. Let me know if you have any options you specifically recommend!
if you can get Levi's reasonably keep am eye out for their 541, aka "athletic cut." They're cut bigger for the rear and taper down, have a bit of spandex to stretch and accommodate up a pant size (2in) from their label. Check other brands for a similar style if you can't find these. I only wear stretchy jeans because while I may be fat I also like having full range of movement to squat and bend in jeans and slacks.
They're not a slim cut and I wear a 46/44 waste and buy a 42 with no issues.
I can't help with shirts. Fresh Clean Threads, who I've been buying from make larger sizes cut to be looser around the bottom than the top, which may suit narrower shoulders, however. I'm not sure aure about their shipping to Germany, but I like them well enough.
I actually own a couple pairs of 541s from when I was in the states -- they're one size too small but fit the best of any jeans I own. I probably should go up a pant size and buy more next time I'm in the States tbqh, since with one size up I think they'd be super comfy. But Levi's German website sells them for 110€ each and has a crazy limited size selection for the 541s, so I think I may have to wait until I'm back in the states for those.
I have a stockier body. Pants are hit and miss since my preferred size is like 29 inseam, 48 waist. I have success with basic wranglers. Banana Republic also tends to fit well.
I can't really recommend anything for tops. It's a struggle for me as well. I need long shirts with broad shoulders but that usually ends up being a giant bag to hide a gut more sizable than my own. My friends who are more slight tend to gravitate towards european or asian brands like Uniqlo.
I’m not quite the size round you are, also I’m on the taller side. But I do have a gut and narrow shoulders. Hickey Freeman’s budget label fits me well. If I had plenty of dough i’d go for the gianluca line of isaiah for suiting. Prana jeans also fit well Not sure if these are in germany although Isaiah is global surely.
Guyaberas and Katin for casual wear.
This isn't a short-term answer to clothing fit...
As a hormonally intersex AFAB, I've found that my shoulders have gained about 8 - 10 cm breadth at the deltoids from disciplined weight-lifting. After a couple of years of effort, men's L shirts are getting snug at the shoulders. I started with wide shoulders for my height (165 cm) and proportions, so I can't say for certain that increased deltoid and trapezius mass will produce a more distinctly masculine silhouette if your shoulders are narrow. But extra upper body muscle will definitely help fill out the standard proportions for menswear.
Hopefully, once you've had a chance to recover, weightlifting might be an option.
As far as pants are concerned, Big Bud Press has size-inclusive carpenter jeans and other pants that are cut for wider hips without declaring a gender. They're expensive, but I haven't managed to destroy their Work Pants yet.
One of the thriftiest tools I've found for online shopping is Gem.app. You can find secondhand clothing by size, style, gender, seller's country, decade, and more. You should be able to locate Levi's 541's in your size much more cheaply. EU source coverage isn't great, but you might find sellers willing to ship to Germany.
Yeah I'm not far enough along that I'm allowed to lift heavy stuff, but I do want to get into lifting a little to get a more masculine silhouette once I can. I'm also looking into starting T soon, which I'm hoping will help with that side of things.
I feel your pain - I've fought with masculine muscle mass and feminine body fat distribution all my life, so it's a giant PITA to find clothes that fit well and present as mostly non-binary but professional, etc. Womenswear jeans and work pants usually include some elastane for better waist/hip fit, but menswear excludes it for better durability.
Carhartt is a work wear manufacturer that's started to include more flexible fabrics for men, and they've even got a made-to-order line now that might be of interest.
Ooh I've been thinking of getting a Carhardt jacket since I've heard good things about them, I'll look into that!